- 17 hours ago
First broadcast 20th December 1968.
It's Christmas and the last day of term at Fenn Street School.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
James Beattie - Barman
George Georghiou - Pupil in dark jacket
Kristin Hatfield - Pupil sat by the rear classroom door
It's Christmas and the last day of term at Fenn Street School.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
James Beattie - Barman
George Georghiou - Pupil in dark jacket
Kristin Hatfield - Pupil sat by the rear classroom door
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00The Lone Ranger
00:30Oh my god, have you seen what's in it?
01:00Oh I know, I reckon they're daft waking us come in the last week of term.
01:05They'd much better give us a time off, getting training for the old Christmas gut back.
01:09We did have that wonderful conjuring the hall on Tuesday, Eric.
01:12It was half cut, if you ask me.
01:14Same as last year.
01:15Yeah, weren't a real pigeon he had, you know.
01:17He just kept moving its head with his finger to make us think it was.
01:21Yeah, we give him the bird back, don't we?
01:24I liked it when the First Formers did their nativity play.
01:27I had a little cry.
01:29Do you remember when we was First Formers more?
01:31Yeah.
01:32And I was the Virgin Mary.
01:33About the only year you could have been, wasn't it?
01:36How would you know, Abbott, you never got past toy soldiers?
01:39They ain't toys.
01:41They're actual models.
01:43There's your real Christmas.
01:45I mean, you know that Joseph's really only that little kid from 1B with spots.
01:49When he's up there on the stage in his little white robes, will you forget the spots?
01:53It's because their little kids don't mourn.
01:59How's about that for a Christmas message, then?
02:01Oh, Peter!
02:02Yeah, you get the shock of his life, he comes out and hurt him.
02:05And he finds you're waiting in a red flannel night, eh?
02:09Hi, hi, things are warming up.
02:11Get out of here for some hell.
02:13Yeah, privy edges, eh, too.
02:14Oh, yes.
02:15Yeah, catch Frank the Abbott crawling to any teacher.
02:19Oh, well.
02:20You're a hard man, aren't you, eh?
02:23Exactly, Eric.
02:25There you are.
02:27Have a fun.
02:28What's up?
02:29That's fun.
02:30Like me, baby.
02:38I hope you enjoy it.
02:39What are you doing, Eric?
02:40It should be nice and, er...
02:46What are you trying to do?
02:47Just figure me.
02:48I just want to see it a bit work, that's all.
02:50Oh, well, they help.
02:51Oh, they little fag explode as you get down the joke shop.
02:54Never know.
02:55What can be useful, eh?
02:57Are you ready, Moor?
02:58Pucker up.
02:59Here comes your dream boat.
03:00All right.
03:04Morning.
03:07Good morning, Maureen.
03:09Oh.
03:11Right, yes.
03:14Who wrote that?
03:15Miss Ewell?
03:16Hmm.
03:18Ask a silly question.
03:19Clean the blackboard, would you, please?
03:20Maureen?
03:26I'm gonna miss you lot during the holidays.
03:29Do you think you fancy for Christmas, sir?
03:32Er, I think I'll just settle for a two-pound jar of sleeping tablets, Sharon.
03:35Well, you certainly believe in a big finish to the term, don't you?
03:38I do believe you've just got your second wind.
03:40Only childish exuberance, isn't it?
03:41Yeah, we're just relaxing, like, after all the intellectual rigors you put us through.
03:47I wish you'd used phrases like that in your English essay, Duffy.
03:50Oh, I can see you, sir.
03:53Er, well done, Maureen, yes.
03:56No, with a cigar, I mean, after your Christmas dinner.
03:59I think it's ever so manly.
04:01No, no.
04:02No, er, this is a present, actually.
04:04Oh, that's very kind of you, Chief.
04:05Hold on, Neil.
04:06How about that?
04:07No, er, no, they're for, er, for Mr. Potter.
04:09Eh?
04:10You're always calling each other names.
04:12Yes, well, the season of goodwill, Dennis.
04:14Mr. Edgis, I've just had about enough of you to see what I mean.
04:19Er, well, Mr. Potter, is that your car in my playground?
04:23Yes, it is.
04:24Oh, mobile, are we?
04:25It gets me away quicker from you lot, Duffy.
04:28Well, Mr. Potter, it's taxed than insured?
04:30It is parked directly over my manhole cover.
04:34Now, what would have happened?
04:35I say, what would have happened if I'd been down there?
04:37Oh.
04:38Well, now, look, if I'd have thought there was any possibility of that, Mr. Potter,
04:42I'd have brought a steamroller to school and left it there over the weekend.
04:47And to think that I've tried to act like an older brother to you during your first term.
04:52Well, it's not a very good act, Mr. Potter.
04:54It turns over more like a wicked uncle.
04:56Do you know what I'm going to do now?
04:57We can always hope.
05:01I'm going to put your car up against the wall without your permission.
05:06What are you going to do then? Shoot it?
05:08Oh.
05:10Oh, well, we're such naughty children.
05:12We're surrounded by grown-ups rowing all the time.
05:15I sometimes wonder if you were ever a child, Duffy.
05:19Now, look, I'm not going to ask you to work on the last day of term.
05:21There you are.
05:22But whatever evil you get up to, make it quiet evil, will you?
05:25I've got to go next door and finish off your reports.
05:27Now, a little bit of peace and quiet to work out enough adjectives to describe you lot.
05:32So carry on while I'm gone.
05:33You're trusting us again, aren't you, sir?
05:35No, I'm not, Traven. I shall be next door listening.
05:38I bet you're going to smoke them cigars yourself now, aren't you, sir?
05:41I'll just wait for a better time, Dennis.
05:43No time like the present, I always say.
05:46Oh, yes.
05:47All right.
05:48Well, carry on.
05:54Awww.
05:56I'd love them all.
05:57Yeah.
05:58Yeah, work well, them little fag-exploders.
06:01Why don't they work on cigars?
06:03Oh, there you go.
06:04Oh.
06:05Oh.
06:06Oh.
06:07Oh.
06:08Oh.
06:09Oh.
06:10Oh.
06:11Oh, hang on, Sonny.
06:12I...
06:13Oh.
06:14Oh.
06:15Oh.
06:16Oh, look at that.
06:17Look at him.
06:18Oh, damn kid.
06:19Little balloons.
06:20Round the world in 80 days, Potter.
06:21Oh.
06:22Oh.
06:23Oh.
06:24Oh.
06:25Oh.
06:26Oh.
06:27Oh.
06:28Oh.
06:29Oh.
06:30Oh.
06:31Oh, look at that.
06:32Look at him.
06:33Oh, damn kids.
06:34Little balloons.
06:35Round the world in 80 days, Potter.
06:37Oh.
06:38Oh.
06:39Oh.
06:40Oh.
06:41Oh.
06:42Oh.
06:43Oh.
06:44Oh.
06:45Oh.
06:46Oh.
06:47Oh.
06:48Oh.
06:49Potter, Potter.
06:50You try to hide it, but you do love those children, don't you?
06:53Oh, yes.
06:54I do indeed, sir.
06:55Yes.
06:56Deeply, sir.
06:57Um.
06:58Potter.
06:59Yes, sir.
07:00You can tell me, you know.
07:02Oh.
07:03Can I, sir?
07:04Thank you, sir.
07:05I won't tell them that you told me.
07:07No.
07:08Of course you won't, sir.
07:09No.
07:10What is it you want me to tell it?
07:12Oh, you old tease.
07:14What the staff have given me for Christmas, of course.
07:17Ah, for Christmas, sir.
07:18Ah, yes, yes.
07:19Ah, ha, ha.
07:20Yes.
07:21Well, now, I'm not going to tell you, sir.
07:22I know.
07:23But I'm not telling you.
07:24I know what they've bought for you.
07:25Oh.
07:26What, sir?
07:27What?
07:28I'm not telling you.
07:29Oh.
07:30Well, I'll tell you, headmaster.
07:31No, no.
07:32Look.
07:33I'll tell you first, if you'll tell me that.
07:34No.
07:35No.
07:36Uh, sir.
07:37They have got me something, haven't they?
07:41Oh, yes, yes.
07:42Of course, Potter.
07:43Oh, Potter.
07:44Yes, sir.
07:45They have got me something, have they?
07:46Well, I'll...
07:47Roll off the horse.
07:48Hmm.
07:49Do you know something, Hedges?
07:50I've been incarcerated in Fenstreet for the past 80 years.
07:55And every Christmas we do give these confiscated weapons back.
07:59And every Christmas we do give Oliver Cromwell one of these rubber plant horrors.
08:03Dead inventive, isn't it?
08:04Well, he can always grow his own garters when he retires.
08:07Oh, well, he'll get a bumper crop off that one.
08:10It is enormous, isn't it?
08:12You'd better carry on without me, Carruthers.
08:15I've been struck down.
08:16I'll cuckoo you hiccups.
08:17You'd better leave that plant alone, or you'll get struck down by Doris Rotten.
08:20We didn't in 1953, you know.
08:23Well, Rick Van Winkle's woken up.
08:25Didn't what, Smithy?
08:27Didn't give the headmaster a rabbit plant.
08:30Oh.
08:31You know, I love the way the handles fold in.
08:35Yes, it has been a long term, hasn't it?
08:41No, no, no.
08:42My missed tins.
08:43Oh.
08:44One for Madge and one for Osborne.
08:46Who the hell is Osborne?
08:47Me.
08:48Osborne.
08:49Unusual name, that.
08:50Still, you and your wife can always have a brew up on one of your country rambles, eh, Smithy?
08:54Present, were they?
08:55Indeed, yes.
08:56From my form.
08:57Most touching.
08:58Young Khan made a very moving little speech.
09:01At least, I assume it was very moving.
09:04Most of it seemed to be in Urdu or something.
09:07My lot gave me this.
09:08Oh, really?
09:09Oh, now, that's nice.
09:10That really is nice.
09:12Always assuming they haven't put arsenic in your dottle trap.
09:15Oh, they wouldn't do that.
09:16They love me too much.
09:18Anyway, I've got the keys to the poisoned cupboard.
09:20Well, my form hasn't given me my present yet.
09:22Still, there's the rest of the day.
09:25Oh.
09:26Would 5C give a teacher a present?
09:28Never.
09:29They gave Margaret Blakeslee a present when they were 3C.
09:33Aye, a frog.
09:34Yes.
09:35She fainted.
09:36Yes.
09:37Well, I'll go so far as to say this.
09:40I hope I don't get a present from 5C.
09:42Must have cost them a few bob, you know.
09:44I mean, it would be very nice, but what I consider a present is any respect or affection they might have for me as a teacher.
09:51Aye, Monsieur's class gave her a large bottle of Woodland Rapture.
09:55Oh, really?
09:56Not that I'd actually refuse a present if they gave me one, that is, but I'm not particularly bothered either way.
10:02I mean, I want to make that clear.
10:04Quite clear.
10:052B gave Mary Brown a really lovely silk scarf.
10:08Shut up about the presents, will you?
10:10Yes, sir.
10:11You're being deliberately unkind, Pricey.
10:13You know, I love the way they fit together.
10:16Oh, shut up.
10:17Oh, come on, O Farhani.
10:19Forget it, boy.
10:20Drink your tea.
10:21Tea?
10:22Ah, I took a real well scotch on it, boy.
10:24Oh, come on, smithy.
10:25I've christened my mess tints with mine.
10:27She's steady.
10:28Look, boy, if it means a lot to you, I'll tell the rest of the staff that 5C gave you a present.
10:33Oh, thanks, Price.
10:34I don't mind facing up to the truth.
10:36Oh, he's off again.
10:37What is it now?
10:38George Washington now, is it?
10:39Yes.
10:40Yes, I cannot tell a lie, Dorries.
10:43It was I that chopped your rubber tree down with my little hatchet.
10:48Mr Higgins!
10:49I'm speechless.
10:50I've never in all my life witnessed such a flagrant example of wanton vandalism.
11:04How dare you bring the destructive thuggery of 5C into my staff room?
11:17How dare you flaunt your personal instability and destroy a present for one of the finest headmasters in London?
11:22Oh, is she speechless?
11:24Yes, I'm terribly sorry, Monsieur, but it's not really, it's just a bit bent.
11:32No, it's not bent, is it?
11:35Yes, well, I'll buy another one, of course.
11:38Four guineas at Grant and Taylor's.
11:41Four guineas?
11:42Including the pot.
11:44And make sure we have it in time for the presentation of the feathers at lunchtime.
11:47Oh, we go over there for a few beers at Christmas, do we?
11:50We have a staff luncheon, not a Navvy's booze-up.
11:54Really, Mr Hedges, your first day was a series of disasters.
11:59You seem determined to end the term on the same note.
12:03Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
12:08Go on, boy, go on, go on, go on.
12:12Can I borrow your mess, Teen Smithy?
12:14What for, little man?
12:15I think I'll be having my Christmas lunch on the common.
12:24Oh, look, get out of it, get out of it, get out of it.
12:26Oh, look, get out of it, get out of it.
12:27Oh, look, Santa Claus has come with a sack of toys.
12:29It's not toys you need, Sonny, it's two years under a good regimental sergeant major.
12:33Oh, love it.
12:34Make love, not war, Potter.
12:38Ruby and I managed to build both in 1942.
12:41Think they can put one over on one of Monty's old lads, do they?
12:48They should have been like me, up to their ears in sound every day.
12:53Oh, here we go again.
12:54Oh, God, look at that.
13:00Boobie, boobie chap.
13:03Mr Potter, Mr Potter, what are you doing?
13:05I'm trying to get through the last day of term without going mad.
13:07Look at that, look at it, look, look.
13:08Yes, I know the feeling.
13:09We'll come here.
13:10Hey, why?
13:11I just want to unglue you, that's all.
13:13Eh?
13:14Come on, I'll let go.
13:15Well, try to let go of it in case of letting go of it.
13:22Hang on to that a second, will you?
13:24No.
13:28By the way, there is something else.
13:30Yes, I thought you'd have a motive for assisting me.
13:32I just want to give you something, that's all.
13:34You touch me just once, that's all.
13:36Look, look, look, look.
13:37Merry Christmas.
13:41What, from me?
13:43From you?
13:44Well, it's not unheard of at this time of year, is it?
13:51I, er, I haven't got anything for you, you know.
13:55Join the club.
13:56Yeah, well, don't smoke them all at once.
13:59But why?
14:01Well, look, I know we've done nothing but row ever since I've been here,
14:04but I really do appreciate all the work, you do, you know?
14:07Er, Stredges.
14:08Yes, Mr. Pollock.
14:09Er, seeing as I haven't got you anything, er,
14:10you can move your car back over my manhole cover, if you like.
14:22Er, I'll cover it, if you like.
14:27Thanks very much.
14:28I don't know.
14:30It's all right, mate.
14:59But this is a special present.
15:00Yeah, we ate short of a few, Bob.
15:02We collected over six quid.
15:04Look, haven't you got anything in pure merino?
15:07I know this other stuff's all right.
15:08But it tends to go slaggy at the waist, doesn't it, Char?
15:10Yeah, and the cuffs.
15:12Come on, we want to give it to him for Christmas, not Easter.
15:14I can't do it.
15:29And so, once more at the end of term, I find myself repeating the words of the psalmist
15:45and my staff, they comfort me.
15:49And in conclusion, I can think of no better axiom
15:52than something my old headmaster said to me,
15:55M.V. Standish, when I was leaving school.
15:58Cromwell, he said.
16:00Cromwell.
16:02Doris?
16:03Cobblers, headmaster.
16:05Oh, yes, yes, yes.
16:09Yes, cobblers, he said.
16:12Cobblers make shoes, politicians make wind,
16:16but teachers, teachers make people.
16:19Beautiful, beautiful.
16:22Indicating points of equal temperature on the earth, sir.
16:25I beg your pardon.
16:26And now I am going to take at liberty with M.V. Standish.
16:30I am going to add that here in Fen Street,
16:33we could not make the people we do make,
16:36were it not for the untiring loyalty of Mr. Potter.
16:40No, no, no, no, if I may be permitted,
16:42of our Normans.
16:46Thank you, thank you.
16:48Well, headmaster, ladies and gentlemen,
16:51well, you know me, I'm a quiet sort of a chap.
16:54So, like the headmaster,
16:56I can think of no better axiom
16:58than something that was said to me
17:00when I was at Desert Rats
17:02by my old friend, Banger Key.
17:05Pothead, he said.
17:06That was an affectionate nickname
17:08and all the lads had for me.
17:10Pothead, he said.
17:12If you fell into a great lord of...
17:14Oh.
17:16Well, anyway, I know it ended up
17:18you'd come up smelling of roses.
17:21And that's what I've done today
17:24with this lovely, uh...
17:27I thought we were giving you a bottle opener.
17:29What the hell do you think that is?
17:30This, uh, lovely thing.
17:32Uh, present.
17:33Yes, that's it.
17:34Present.
17:35So, thank you all very much indeed.
17:37Thank you, headmaster.
17:41Yes.
17:43Well,
17:43I wonder who's going to be the next lucky chap.
17:47I wanted to use my mess tins,
17:59but they wouldn't let me.
18:00I think I'll be, uh,
18:02wearing my present before very long.
18:03You mean five see you've broken with tradition?
18:06Yes, Smithy, I...
18:07I'd rather think they have.
18:08Oh, my dear chap,
18:09I am so very pleased for you.
18:11Well, you missed a turkey boy,
18:12you have a pork pie.
18:13And God bless everyone.
18:18That's a tiny tin.
18:20By the way, Mr. Hedges,
18:22I've saved you a tidbit.
18:24Is it a bit of Christmas pudding, is it?
18:26No.
18:27Good news.
18:29Mr. Wiggins will be rejoining us next term.
18:31Oh, will he?
18:32You remember?
18:33Five C's original foam master.
18:35Oh, God, his broken leg must have healed then.
18:37Aye, but his mind hasn't,
18:38if he's coming back to that one.
18:40I've decided,
18:42or rather,
18:43the headmaster and I have decided,
18:45that despite several falls from grace,
18:47you've done well enough to earn a transfer
18:49to a less exhausting fall.
18:51Well, of course.
18:52Thank you very much,
18:53but I'm not sure that...
18:55I'm not sure that...
18:56Mr. Hedges in the bar.
18:57Yes, yes, that's me.
18:58A tray of drinks sent in from the public.
19:00Oh.
19:01Well, I think if the ladies don't mind,
19:04a cigar would be rather nice at this junction.
19:06Oh, a cigar.
19:07Yes, sir, those were nice.
19:10Who are they from?
19:11Er, some mates of yours in the public.
19:13Oh.
19:18What are you doing here?
19:19Yeah, jagging it up, aren't we, huh?
19:21I'm going on shorts in a minute.
19:23But you're children.
19:26No, no, you're not children.
19:27But you're too young to buy drinks.
19:29Oh, we wouldn't do that, Chief.
19:30Not buy them.
19:31No, we keep asking people to go and get them for us.
19:34Well, I haven't seen you.
19:35Yes, you have, sir.
19:36It's all right, sir.
19:38We won't split on you.
19:40You won't split on me.
19:43Who is our benefactor, Mr. Hedges?
19:45Duffy.
19:46Mr. Duffy.
19:47Mr. Duffy.
19:47Parents, yes.
19:48Oh, please, thank you for us, Hedges.
19:50Yes, sir.
19:50Yes, indeed, sir.
19:51Thank you very much for the drinks, Mr. Duffy.
19:54Miss Yule is on white wine, isn't she?
19:56Yes.
19:57Yes, I think so.
19:58Well, drink up and get out of here.
20:00Well, thanks very much.
20:01A pity you've got to fly.
20:03Go at me.
20:03Oh, thank you.
20:04Miss Yule will fly when she drinks that lot.
20:08I think wine's white.
20:09I've never drank myself.
20:10Oh, it is.
20:10Especially when it's eight parts vodka.
20:14What a pity, Hedges, that Mr. Duffy couldn't join us here.
20:18Yes, isn't it?
20:20Well, a toast.
20:22I think to the underpaid, overworked, and underprivileged us.
20:27Oh, my word.
20:35What a pity, piquant wine.
20:39Oh, my word.
20:40Oh, my word.
20:41Oh, my word.
20:41Oh, my word.
20:42Oh, my word.
20:43Oh, my word.
20:44Oh, my word.
20:45Oh, my word.
20:46Oh, my word.
20:47Oh, my word.
20:48Oh, my word.
20:49Oh, my word.
20:50Oh, my word.
20:51Oh, my word.
20:52Oh, my word.
20:53Oh, my word.
20:54Oh, my word.
20:55Oh, my word.
20:56Oh, my word.
20:57Oh, my word.
20:58Oh, my word.
20:59Oh, my word.
21:00Oh, my word.
21:01Oh, my word.
21:02Oh, my word.
21:03Oh, my word.
21:04Oh, my word.
21:05Oh, my word.
21:06Oh, my word.
21:07Oh, my word.
21:08Oh, my word.
21:09Oh, my word.
21:40Ah, stupid practical jokes. Stupid exploding cigars. Ah, you should have been in the desert. He'd have seen some bright explosions there. Get out of me. Yeah. All right, council, grab him. Oh, that's you, is it? You know what I'm doing? Trying to strain your back, I think. Wrong. I'm taking back my present. You didn't give me that car. I mean, I'm rescinding.
22:10You're right. To place it over my manhole cover. You and your exploding cigars. Look, I didn't fix them. I'm hardly likely to have noveled them and had one myself, am I? The Japs did. What, used exploding cigars? No. And suicide pilots. Same principle.
22:26Oh, Potter, you are unique. Think I don't know that. I'll tell you something, though. You're running a bit of a risk going anywhere near that car. Are you offering me physical violence, eh, are you?
22:38Oh, no, no, no. But that car's burglar alarmed. You touch those handles without a key and you're liable to get a rather nasty electric shock.
22:45Burglar alarms don't work like that. Well-known fact, that is. Of course it is. Oh, burglar alarms. Silly.
22:53133. 134. 135. Oh, mate. I must be out of condition. Cash too short. What a wreck.
23:10Perhaps they counted slow. Well, I done 238 last Christmas.
23:15Who win? Your teddy bear.
23:17Now, with a proper tart
23:20Come on then, hot lips
23:22Let's see you in action
23:23No, well, I don't want to jump the queue, do I?
23:25It's your turn
23:26No, it ain't, it's Peter's
23:28I've had my whack
23:29In the street, I ask you, I've not been so embarrassed
23:32Monty and a saltwaffer come along
23:34Go on then, who's next, eh?
23:40Oh, my God
23:41Been playing Pete behind the curtain, have you?
23:50And now we've been doing records
23:52Oh, well
23:54A little music at the end of term
23:56Why not?
23:58We should have given her another
23:59She'd be doing her knees up by now
24:01Well, now
24:04I have some news for you
24:06Oh, what? Oh, what?
24:09Mr. Femur's Wiggins is...
24:11Mr. Wiggins' femur is mended
24:16And he'll be back next time
24:18Oh, I don't like him
24:20He throws bald rubbers at you
24:22Be quiet, whoever said that
24:24Who's he taking then, miss?
24:26You, of course
24:27What?
24:285C
24:29What about Mr. Hedges?
24:31Yeah, he's our full master
24:32He doesn't throw bald rubbers at you
24:34I find it hard to imagine
24:36That Mr. Hedges would be anything but delighted
24:39It's the thought of taking another form
24:41Merry Christmas
24:43Oh, well
24:46Crippets give us up then
24:51Just like that
24:52I thought he liked us
24:54Put it on, don't I, teachers?
24:58Bleeding snide
24:59I know why he wants to move
25:04Oh, you heard something we haven't, Frankie
25:06Nah, it's me, innit?
25:08I'll put the wind up him
25:10Oh, shut up!
25:14There he is
25:15The great Mesmo
25:17I told you not to have that extra pint
25:19Well, let's face it, boy
25:20If you manage to wangle a present out of 5C
25:22You must be a bloody magician
25:23Smithy told you, didn't he?
25:25Marvellous, isn't it?
25:26No, miraculous
25:27Well, that's two presents you've got then, isn't it?
25:28One from 5C
25:29And one from Doris Rottenewel
25:31Oh, God, don't tell her she kisses us as well
25:33No, I mean, you've been relieved by Wiggins next term
25:36Ah, well, now, that's just the point
25:37I mean, if Duffy hadn't brought those drinks in
25:39I'd have told her then
25:40I don't want really
25:40I mean, I want to have them next, next term
25:42Oh, Lord save us
25:45The English really are mad
25:46Yes, maybe
25:47But we'll beat you at Cardiff Arms Park next year
25:49Ah, yeah, but you can't take your liquor like us, can you, eh?
25:53Well, that's because your national emblem is a leak
25:55Hello, you lot
26:02All right, stand up
26:25Sit down
26:29I see
26:43You're reminding me of what it was like on the first day of term, eh?
26:47Well, we can laugh about that now, can't we?
26:49Look, what is all this?
26:59I know
26:59You've set a booby trap for me, haven't you?
27:02That's it
27:03A booby trap
27:04Showdish, isn't it?
27:13Look, what's all this about?
27:17Abbott?
27:18Nothing
27:18Craven?
27:21Don't look at me
27:22Maureen?
27:26No
27:27Come on, Maureen, you can tell me
27:29What is it?
27:30Just leave me alone, that's all
27:32Sharon?
27:48What's the matter with Maureen?
27:49You just made her cry, that's what's the matter
27:53And do you mind not looking at my legs?
27:57I don't like you at all anymore
27:59Two-faced burp?
28:04Two-faced burps
28:05Don't do that again
28:18Now listen to me, all of you
28:25I thought we got past this sort of thing
28:27But if we haven't, I'm not above punishing you
28:30Even if it is the last day of term
28:32Come on, Doris, haven't you signed my forms yet?
28:45Come on, Doris, haven't you signed my forms yet?
28:55I want to send my mob home and catch the red dragon back to Wales
28:58Patience, Mr Price
28:59I'm sure they'll keep a welcome in the hillsides for you a little while longer
29:03I see, Price, I think some of these confiscated articles are from your form
29:07They're bound to be
29:08It's a bloody shame we have to give them back, isn't it?
29:10We can make a bomb, you know, selling this lot to some revolutionary army
29:13Exquisite workmanship
29:16Probably done by some silversmith in Kathmandu
29:21Oh, made in Birmingham
29:23Aye, for some little assassin in 4B
29:26You know, he had the nerve to tell me you only brought it in to sharpen his pencils with
29:30Oh, hello, Hedges
29:32You haven't got a Luger in there, have you?
29:36Oh, not this term, why, boy?
29:38I just prefer to be armed when I go back into my class
29:40They turned
29:41They've reverted, it's like the first day of turmoil over again, only worse
29:45That doesn't make sense
29:46I thought you said you and they were all aglow with a sort of sickly, festive camaraderie
29:50Yes, we were, but it's all gone wrong, I don't know what it is
29:53Well, did you thank them nicely for your present?
29:55Yes
29:55The only present I look like getting at the moment is a knife between the shoulder blades
29:59Well, if 5C are going on a final rampage
30:01We'd better assemble a striking force of teachers immediately
30:04Oh, they're not rampaging
30:05They're just sitting there nicely and quietly
30:08And they're drumming with their fingers
30:10Ooh
30:11Just open the door, boy, bung in the reports and belt off home, lad
30:15Mr. Hedges, I was going to try and overlook the fact that you tried to blind me with that explosive cigar
30:21And electrocute me as well
30:22You're all I need
30:24But I cannot overlook something as serious as you stealing my bird
30:27Does your wife know about this?
30:30My turkey, smutty, has been nicked
30:32Really, Potter? You can't have Mr. Hedges down as a poetry thief
30:36Well, his class and them, they're all ended together, aren't they?
30:38Not anymore
30:39I'll ask about the turkey, of course
30:42I'm not above bringing in the CID, you know
30:44And I'm not above becoming a monk
30:46There's only one thing I know that's more sensitive than a Welsh Baptist
30:50And that's a virgin teacher
30:52Mixed camper day, Mr. Price
30:54Well, you know what I mean
30:56He might not be able to get through to them
30:57But they sure as damn it get through unto him
30:59Poor fellow, I can't understand this last-minute reversion of theirs
31:04I wonder if it's possible
31:06What?
31:08Tell me honestly, Mr. Price
31:09Do you think 5C are actually capable of liking a teacher?
31:13Oh, come on, Doris
31:14Have another drink or sober up completely, will you?
31:15Of course not
31:16But if they are, that would explain it
31:18I may have spoken out of turn
31:20I didn't ask him after all
31:21He may want them
31:24Smithy, I'm resigning
31:27Whatever for?
31:28Well, if even Doris Rottenewald is cracking up under the strain
31:31There is no hope for any of us
31:32After you, boy
31:33Very good report
31:39Duffy
31:43Sharon
31:47Here we are, Dennis
31:51Is your radio back?
31:52I told you you could have it back at the end of term
31:54Hold me wily
31:54So that
31:55Right
31:59Ah
32:02Quickly and quietly remove anything from your desks that you need for the holidays
32:07Quickly and quietly
32:12I thought I made myself quite clear
32:15Ah, Hedges, I'm glad I've caught you
32:19Merry Christmas, 5C
32:21Oh
32:24Hedges, do you know that Mr. Wiggins is returning to the fold next term?
32:29Miss Yule did tell me so, yes
32:31Well, of course, I can give him back to 5C
32:34Can't I, Doris?
32:35Of course you can, Headmaster
32:36Point is, I don't know
32:39It depends whether you actually want to carry on
32:44I mean, the choice is yours
32:46Yes, I will
32:52I will carry on
32:54Oh, good man, Hedges, good man
32:56And good man, Doris, you were right again
32:58Oh, dear master
32:59Er, Merry Christmas, 5C
33:02Hmm, yeah
33:04Mr. Hedges
33:08You may have your faults
33:10But cowardice isn't one of them
33:12I, er, stick him with us, then, eh?
33:22Whether you like it or not, yes
33:24And all Mother Yule reckoning you wouldn't
33:25Was just, er, guess him wrong
33:27When did she do that?
33:29Lunch, John
33:30So that's what this is all about
33:33All this sulking
33:35Fair, Chief
33:37Ah, no, thanks, Duffy
33:40You trying to get me the sack?
33:42Oh, no, not this term
33:44Thanks, Scraven Cottage
33:46And you give me my wireless back
33:49And you don't throw blackboard rubbers
33:51You don't know how close you've come, then
33:53Pardon, Abbott?
33:56Merry Christmas
33:57And a happy new year
34:01Here, I didn't hurt you when I threw your hanky back, did I, sir?
34:07Just, er, a flesh wound, Maureen
34:09Oh
34:10Right, yes
34:12Good, good
34:13Er, Chief, er, do you mind if we like to make a little, er, presentation before we go on?
34:22Um, presentation?
34:24Oh, of course I don't mind
34:28Come on, come on
34:30Well, er, now speeches, eh?
34:33Mm-mm-mm
34:34This is just, er, a present, er, from all your mates in the form
34:37And, er, well, all the best, then, er, oh, here you are, then
34:44Dennis
34:44Oh, neat, neat
34:49Come on, Dennis, neat
34:50Go on
34:51Oh, look at that
34:53Nice, ain't it, eh?
34:53Oh, try, try, try, I'll get this dirty old one of them
34:57Oh, that's all, that's all
34:59Oh, that's all right, go on
35:01There you are
35:01Put your head in, then
35:03I can't feel forever
35:04Yeah, put your head in
35:05It's nice, ain't it, eh?
35:08It's nice, isn't it, eh?
35:08It's nice, isn't it, eh?
35:08That is very smooth, Dennis
35:10Is it?
35:11Double smooth, mate
35:12Oh, I got one of them at home
35:14Only it ain't as good
35:16I didn't say it was as good
35:17Oh, do you like it, sir?
35:20I think it suits you down to the ground, Dennis
35:21And, er, you lot
35:23That was, er, all of you, a very, very nice thing to do
35:27Oh, give up, er
35:29No, no, that's the sort of present that anybody would be thrilled to get
35:32If they were getting a present, that is
35:37Yes, a very, very nice, er, present
35:39Well, that's it, then, er, for this time
35:44Unless there's... anything else?
35:47Don't think of nothing
35:48No, no, right, good, good
35:50Er, well, er, well, off you go, then, and have a good time
35:55Enjoy yourselves
35:56You too, sir
35:58If you can't be good, be careful
36:00Yes, thank you
36:01Well, Merry Christmas to you all
36:02Yeah, all right
36:03Yes, er, yes
36:04Well, off you go, then
36:05Look, Maureen, I don't really think the, er, I don't, er
36:28Oh, very well
36:32Merry Christmas morning
36:34Oh, sir
36:35You know something, Smithy, when all's said and done, you know, there's a lot to be said for it
36:49You mean the old school, Price
36:50Do I, hell, I mean bringing back the perch
36:52Oh
36:53Doris, there's something I've been wanting to ask you all term
37:00Then you'd better ask it, Maurice
37:03Well, erm, would you like to take one of my rubber trees?
37:06I've got so many at home
37:08Oh, where are you going with me?
37:10It's gone
37:12Oh, sir
37:14Oh, hang about! Hang about!
37:18Don't you want these?
37:21They've... they've got my name on.
37:23Well, a wise move at Finn Street, innit?
37:25Well, that's very kind. I really don't...
37:28Oh, knock that off for a start.
37:31Thank you, sir.
37:34Here we are, Maureen. Look, keep it for Christmas, will you?
37:37We're going to Eric's for a party.
37:40You can come if you like, Connie Eric.
37:42Yeah, of course you can. You know me old man, don't you?
37:44Well, I really don't think that I...
37:46Oh, come on!
37:48All right, why not? Yes, yes, I could...
37:51I could come along for a little while.
37:53Well, I'll see you down there, then, shall I?
37:55Oh, that's... that's a minute! Drive off!
37:58Yes, well, it's only a minute, then there are one, two...
38:01All right, in you get. Come along.
38:03All right.
38:12When is it? When is it?
38:14What do you want now, Mr. Potter?
38:15My turkey.
38:16Well, we haven't got it. There isn't enough room in here for a turkey.
38:19Merry Christmas!
38:20Yeah, and a merry rotten Christmas to you, Lord.
38:25You have got it! You have!
38:27Oi! Oi! My turkey! Whoa!
38:29Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho
39:29I'm going to hang about a bit because we're just going to have a look at the tape and see if that's all right.
39:35Let's see if we're going to film it.
39:37And I'm going to do the whole thing again.
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