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00:11Hey guys, what are you doing trying to guess what the day's special will be based on the staff's prep
00:16work
00:17It's not exactly fun, but it's something for hoping Jay finally take Thor's suggestion and put Rams testicles on menu
00:23And what is Gabe doing? Gabe is waiting to come down from whatever he smoked on his break
00:28He says he's speaking telepathically to the cauliflower. This man should not have access to knives. Sorry. I'm late
00:34Last night. I took my date to that ice cream shop next to the animal shelter
00:38teared up looking at those senior dogs in the window and
00:43then
00:44It was game on you're such a sleaze an ice cream slash puppy cuddle doubleheader is exactly the kind of
00:50move T money would have pulled in his prime
00:52The ice cream doesn't melt but the panties do why doesn't the ice cream melt?
00:57I don't know Pete. Just let me have a catchphrase you get everything I requested for tonight's special sure dead
01:02Cobra
01:03Oh, here we go
01:06Yes, all right rams testicles dinos eat well tonight Thor fan. Those are Brussels sprouts
01:15They're vegetables and people eat
01:20They're gonna be sick
01:28Sam remember how I have a daughter now well she came to visit and while she was here you texted
01:33her from my phone
01:34Pretending to be me and said that the man who raised her wasn't her real father and that you were
01:39and then I had to take the blame so
01:41Yeah, I remember
01:43Well great news. I saw on Instagram that she lost her job so you can hire her here at the
01:48restaurant
01:48Oh boy Trevor wants us to hire his daughter as a server at Mahesh
01:52Uh, too bad. We spent all our money fixing the stripper shaped hole in the roof
01:57I know it's not technically possible, but I swear that hole had abs
02:00What if I pay her salary? I have the money for my finance job Trevor says he'll pay Abby's salary.
02:06He just wants to be around her
02:07It's actually kind of sweet. Hmm. Yeah, okay. I mean, it's a really good deal. Yes
02:14You won't regret this. Okay. Well, we don't even know if she'll take the job. I just appreciate that you're
02:19gonna ask her
02:20And while he's saying yes to things maybe we should hire her hot friend Brooke as a hostess. Oh Trevor.
02:25That's your daughter's friend
02:28I'm new to the whole girl dad thing. I'm learning on the job
02:31Good note
02:33So how are things going with you and Pete? I mean good
02:37But since we both have roommates, we don't have anywhere to make out
02:42Oh, so you two are still just at the kissing stage
02:45Okay, well, FYI. There's more I know all about it cuz you know I did it with Joan
02:52Oh, and she was so satisfied. She still hasn't come back. That's impressive
02:58Attention everyone creepy dirt has an announcement
03:02I'm running for reelection. What's he talking about? You guys don't remember four years ago Dirk B
03:08Isaac in Alberta and became ghost representative
03:11You had to resort to flimflammery to beat me which is the ultimate compliment
03:17Anyways Dirk's four-year term is up and I'm running his reelection campaign and we're just up here to press
03:24the flesh as they say in the politics game
03:28Alberta, would you like to press my flesh? I'm good
03:32Isn't the position just ceremonial? I know originally it was supposed to be the ghost that communicates with Sam
03:38But now it's just an empty figurehead position. I mean who would even
03:44Not to hig and toot my own horn
03:46But I believe destiny has chosen me for this moment
03:50If the upstairs ghosts can line up behind me and we don't split our vote again. I shall prevail
03:57So here I am throwing my hat into the ring. Oh, that sounds fun
04:01What does? Throwing hats into rings?
04:06I'm in, too. No, no, I literally just explained why we shouldn't both do that. It's self-defeating
04:11But on the other hand throwing hats into rings rules
04:17Dibs on Alberta's hat
04:21Look at my girl, Shayna put him. I know I can't hug her but would it be weird if I
04:26poked her cheek?
04:27We're so thrilled that you were able to fill the position at me. Yeah, you caught me in a bit
04:32of a rough moment
04:34I broke up with my boyfriend lost my job and my roommate adopted a bunch of ferrets
04:40I had a bunch of ferrets once. Oh, that coat was the envy of East 61st Street
04:46Well, we're lucky to have you
04:47I'm a bit confused why you reached out to me though because waiters are very easy to find and I've
04:53never done it before
04:54I think she's delicately asking if you have a weird obsession with her which honestly the facts support
04:59Oh, well, we saw some of your recent posts and we noticed that you were having kind of a tough
05:05run of it
05:06And to be totally honest, I still feel bad about, how do I say this?
05:10Almost destroying her family last time she here?
05:13How things went when you visited?
05:15Well, yeah, I'm happy to work here
05:17But there need to be some very clear boundaries set because last time things got very weird
05:24Understood
05:24Sam, I promise I will not make you look like a freak again
05:29Thank you
05:32Is what you could have said in response to what I said, it's just sort of polite
05:38Yes, you're not a freak who can see ghosts, you're merely an annoying etiquette hawk, well played
05:43We're off to a good start
05:47Flower, listen, I'm concerned that if we both run for ghost representative, we'll split the upstairs vote
05:53Thus extending Creepy Dirk's reign of ickiness
05:55Look, Isaac, when I first threw my hat in the ring, I'll admit, I thought it was literally about hats
06:01and rings and just checking we're sure it's not done
06:04No, sweetie, this is about running for elective office
06:06Which I dig, my whole vibe was about affecting change
06:09Us hippies, we weren't just doing acid and having orgies for fun, we were doing those things to protest Nixon
06:15Why don't you two have a primary to pick which of you will run against Dirk in the general, that
06:20way you don't have to split the upstairs ghost vote
06:22Interesting, and any primary would of course feature that grandest of political traditions, the debate
06:28Flower, do you accept this challenge?
06:31Okay
06:31Then it's settled
06:32It shall be I, someone who has committed the entire works of Aristotle to memory
06:37Versus Flower, who is, whoop, currently staring at a lamp
06:42Oh, I was wondering why this TV show had gotten so lamp-heavy
06:49Look at her, she's nailing it
06:51And she's only 298 months old
06:53Hey, girl, the customers are loving you, must be that famous Lefkowitz charm
06:59What do you mean?
07:01Baila, that's gonna be a tough one to explain
07:03Because, you know, when they hosted your biological father's memorial here, a lot of people talked about how charming he
07:10was
07:10So that's how I know
07:11Not because he personally charmed me
07:13How could he? He's dead
07:16Yes, she pulled off
07:21What's up?
07:22I'm Neil, I'm one of the cooks
07:24Uh-oh, what's this?
07:26Could be innocent, we don't know
07:27You're new here, right?
07:29No, I've been here for months, I'm just really good at blending in
07:34Funny and cute, that's a dangerous combination
07:37Come on, this is flirtatious
07:39No, she's just being nice, he's too old for her
07:41She just took hair behind the ear, it is on
07:44Well, I can chill you around the town after work if you like
07:47But only if you answer one question correctly
07:50What's that?
07:52Do you like ice cream?
07:55No
07:58Yeah, who doesn't like ice cream?
08:01Great
08:01Ice cream means sex
08:06In order to help you with your debate against Isaac
08:08We'll ask questions that could come up at the debate and you just do your best
08:12Oh
08:13Question one
08:13The shaft of light in the upstairs den
08:15It's always been first come, first served
08:17But do you think that's fair?
08:19Or should we have designated times like we do with the TV?
08:22Oh, I know this one
08:25Seven
08:27What's that?
08:28Teen?
08:29Seventeen?
08:30But those are just numbers
08:32Red?
08:33Shallow girls in trouble
08:35Yeah
08:36Oh, no, no, no
08:37Oh
08:37Oh
08:39Whoa
08:41How?
08:42Are you okay?
08:43I'm more worried about Gabe
08:44Oh, I think I need to sit down
08:47The most stoned man in the world just got flowered
08:51Is he gonna be okay?
08:52Hmm
08:53You posit an interesting question, Sasapis
08:56Based on his prodigious use of mind-altering substances
08:59I'd have to assume that he's an extreme outlier
09:01In terms of his capacity to metabolize THC and psilocybin
09:05What the hell just happened?
09:07I think flower got smart
09:09But because Gabe walked through her?
09:11How does that work?
09:12As I currently feel sober
09:13I can only surmise that Gabe's impressive tolerance
09:16Has caused him to absorb the entirety of my intoxication
09:19Okay, so are you just gonna be smart from now on?
09:23Based on what I've witnessed in my time here
09:25These metaphysical side effects are always temporary
09:27I have no reason to believe this will be any different
09:30Then let's get you to that debate
09:33Yes
09:37What was in that Pop-Tart?
09:41I'm just gonna take a nap
09:48No, Pete, I'm sorry
09:49I'm not gonna have a dedicated room for the ghosts to make out in
09:52Would it help if I told you we already have a name for the room?
09:55It's Smooch City
09:58He told me and now you have to know
09:59Ugh
10:00Sam, I need you to fire Neil before the restaurant closes tonight
10:03He's gonna take Abby out for ice cream
10:04Ice cream, Sam!
10:06That doesn't sound so bad
10:07No, that's his big move
10:09The guy is a dog
10:10Jay, Trevor is worried because Neil asked Abby out
10:13And I guess he's a bit of a playboy
10:15He carries five condoms in his wallet
10:18From the outside, it looks like the Olympic rings
10:20Abby's a grown woman
10:21And a restaurant's not like normal workplaces
10:24Chefs work hard, they got to play hard
10:26I got some stories for you
10:28About other people
10:29Third party, very distant
10:31Don't companies today have policies against dating in the workplace?
10:34Yes!
10:35My investment firm certainly does
10:36I know because I got reprimanded for posting that hot or not list on the company slack
10:39The ghosts are suggesting we institute a policy about dating in the workplace
10:43Sam
10:45Please
10:45I just
10:46I don't want her to get her heart broken by some jerk
10:48He's really worried about Abby
10:50Come on, it's his daughter
10:51Okay, uh, jeez
10:52Okay, fine
10:53Well, maybe we can tell everyone there's a mandatory meeting about HR stuff
10:57And we can sneak the new policy in
10:59Yes!
11:00In my day, HR referred to Heath Rutherford
11:04Who was in charge of dumping cold water on young factory workers asleep at the loom
11:08That is the downside of employing children
11:12They are always napping
11:14Okay, welcome to the first Upstairs Ghost Primary Debate
11:18We'll begin with opening statements
11:20Isaac, you have the floor
11:21Thank you, everyone, for attending
11:23Democracy works best when all participate
11:26White male landowners
11:29And others
11:33Okay, that felt like an applause line, but no matter
11:37Now, Flower
11:39Which style of debate would you like to engage in?
11:42A debate is a sort of formalized exchange of ideas
11:46Thank you, Isaac
11:48I'm equally comfortable in Lincoln-Douglas, British Parliamentary, or Oxford style
11:53You can choose
11:56Uh...
11:56No, she's speaking gibberish
11:57We need to stop this
11:58Okay, now it's time for our first question
12:01Yes, I have one
12:02Who are you and what in the hell have you done with Flower?
12:04I maintain that all of us have within us the ability to rise and meet the moment
12:09If elected, I would follow the words of Cicero
12:13Salus Populi Suprema Lex Esto
12:15The welfare of the people shall be the supreme law
12:20What is happening? Why is she so cogent?
12:23Okay, our next question comes from Sasapis
12:25Let's say a ghost wanted to smell pizza, but Sam refused to order one
12:29How would you, as ghost representative, handle that?
12:33I'll take this one
12:34As a ghost, I would be powerless to help
12:37Therefore, I would advise you to surrender
12:40Which, not to brag, I am incredible at
12:44Thank you
12:45Uh, Flower, same question?
12:47Scratch and sniff stickers employ a process known as microencapsulation
12:51To capture various scents, including pizza, in two-dimensional objects
12:56I would convince Sam to keep a number of these on hand
12:59And then Trevor could activate them using his ghost power
13:02Oh, yeah!
13:04Oh, yeah!
13:05Oh, yeah!
13:06Oh, yeah!
13:06This isn't fair
13:07It's flimflammery, you foot
13:08It's flimflammery, I say!
13:11Okay, uh, well, thanks everyone for gathering
13:14Um, I'll try and keep this brief
13:16It's just a quick update on our new dating-in-the-workplace policy
13:20I'm sorry, we have a dating-in-the-workplace policy?
13:23We do, now
13:24And I support it, 100%, whatever it is
13:26Because of my respect for women
13:28Thank you, Mark
13:30What are you doing here?
13:31I heard there was a seminar on sexual harassment
13:34And that is a subject I am always looking to improve on
13:37And by improve on, I mean get better at doing it
13:40Great tush, by the way
13:43Is this new policy because of, uh, me and the linens, lady?
13:47No
13:48Then is it because of me and Gabe?
13:51Do we hook up?
13:53You met my parents
13:54Look, this isn't about anyone in particular
13:56Just going forward, the new policy is we don't allow for workplace relationships
14:00Did you hear that Neil and I are supposed to get ice cream tonight?
14:04No, that was not on my radar
14:06But it would be prohibited under the new policy
14:09So there was no policy
14:11And now there is a policy just a few hours before Neil and I are supposed to hang out
14:15And you're telling us now
14:17In an emergency HR meeting
14:19That's just a series of coincidences
14:21Ooh, this is a damning fact pattern
14:24This is very weird and very messed up, Sam
14:26But honestly, I'm not surprised at all
14:28Abby, wait
14:30I think people should be allowed to date who they want
14:33She's a woman too
14:34I'm supporting women
14:35Do you want a kiss?
14:36Oh my god
14:40We just came back from the vote
14:42And you won in a landslide
14:44Oh, that's incredible
14:46What did I win?
14:48Was it best smile?
14:49In the commune, I won three years in a row
14:51But then I got high and chipped my tooth on a rock
14:54That looked like an apple
14:55But tasted like a rock
14:57Welcome back, Flower
14:58It's actually really good to see you again
15:00Oh, we missed you, you knucklehead
15:02So do you remember anything from when you were smart?
15:05I just remember this overwhelming feeling of futility
15:08Like I was hyper aware of how powerless we are
15:11And how we're trapped here forever with absolutely no idea why
15:14Do you guys ever think about that?
15:16Constantly
15:16It was bleak, man
15:18Oh yeah, it's incredibly depressing
15:21What is?
15:22Oh, that TV show about the lamp is on again
15:25Oh, I've seen this episode, it's a classic
15:28So she just bummed us out, now she's back in happy land
15:31Yeah
15:37Hi, Gavalt, she's packing salmon
15:40Do something
15:40Uh, hey, Abby, have you got a sec?
15:42Oh, wait, is there another boundary you want to cross?
15:45Or do you want some blood so you can map my DNA?
15:48Look, I'm sorry that I meddled again
15:50It's just that
15:51The thing is
15:53The thing is
15:54Just tell her
15:56Seriously?
15:56Honestly, what do you have to lose?
15:58What are you talking about?
16:02Do it
16:08Your father is a ghost who haunts this mansion
16:11And I know that because I can see ghosts
16:13It really sounds nuts when she said it out loud
16:16She just blurts it up
16:17Meanwhile, my mother was institutionalized for menstrual cramps
16:20You people are crazy
16:22Please never contact me again
16:25I'm leaving now
16:26No, no, Abby, wait
16:27Look, I had the same reaction when they told me
16:31But then Sam proved it by having one of the ghosts tell her everything that was in my purse
16:36Sam, are there any ghosts in here right now?
16:38Hedy, Thorfinn, and Trevor
16:40Your father
16:41Oh, hi, Trevor
16:43We have history
16:44He catfished me
16:46It's a long story, but basically I was almost your stepmother
16:48Bela, please stop talking
16:50Hedy, do you mind?
16:54Makeup, a nail file, a book of crossword puzzles
16:58And a string cheese out of its wrapper
16:59Makeup, nail file, crossword puzzles, and unwrapped string cheese
17:03All that proves is that you've been snooping through my things, which is very on-brand for you
17:07This is not a trick
17:08You can take the bag out of the room and fill it
17:11Wait, she's my daughter, I'll prove it to her
17:14Sam, tell her to look at the pen on the table
17:16Trevor wants you to look at the pen on the table
17:18He has the ability to move things
17:21Okay, yeah, and I bet you haven't tied dental floss to that or anything
17:24Okay, then you pick the object
17:27I mean, there's no way that we could have rigged everything in this room
17:29All right
17:30My water bottle, which I've had with me all day
17:34So I know you didn't mess with it
17:36What? No!
17:37This thing is huge!
17:39Why do girls carry around so much water these days?
17:41The thing is, that's a little heavy for Trevor
17:43Could you possibly pick something lighter?
17:45I knew you were full of it
17:46Okay, okay, fine
17:48If that's what she wants, fine
17:50He's trying
17:53It's impossible
17:55Come on, Trevor
17:58I can do it
18:00For my daughter
18:11How are you doing that?
18:13It's Trevor
18:14He's really strong for a ghost
18:16And funny
18:17And sensitive
18:21Well done, Trevor
18:22Is this real?
18:26Yes
18:27I'm here
18:28Annie
18:30He's here
18:31This is a lot to take in
18:33I told you he's strong
18:35Is he pumped right now?
18:36Did they get all, like, pumped?
18:38You need to either get or fire a therapist
18:40He says if you'll stay
18:42He promises not to be overprotective
18:43He just wants to get to know you
18:46This is insane
18:47And also, he understands if you want to go out with Neil
18:50But he says he's not good enough for you
18:52Oh, no, I know that
18:54I was using him for free food
18:56His contact in my phone is literally Neil the meal
18:59Oh, she was going to play the player
19:02I have never been so proud
19:06Alone at last
19:07I thought it would never happen
19:08Oh, sorry, didn't realize you two were in here
19:14But you're staying
19:15Okay
19:16It's just so unfair
19:17She was off drugs
19:20How is that legal?
19:21I just got so excited about the idea of finally holding office
19:24It's what I've wanted for over 200 years
19:27But I couldn't even beat Flower
19:29You know, Isaac
19:30If this is what you want
19:32Maybe there's still a way
19:33I grew up in the South
19:35Do you know what carpetbaggers are?
19:36Of course
19:37But explain it for Pete's benefit
19:39Carpetbaggers are politicians from the North
19:41Who moved to the South to run for office
19:43Are you suggesting that I take a presidency
19:46In the basement and primary, creepy Dirk?
19:49Yeah, maybe that's just too crazy
19:51Someone would have to be incredibly charming
19:53To defeat a popular incumbent as an outsider
19:57Incredibly charming
19:59But that's me
20:00I shall move to the basement
20:01And ingratiate myself with those hideous ghouls
20:04And I shan't return
20:05Until they've chosen me
20:06To run against Flower in the general election
20:10Huzzah
20:12What was that?
20:14I thought you didn't want him to be the ghost representative
20:16I don't
20:17But I just got my roommate to move to the basement
20:19Which means you and I
20:21Finally have that make-out space
20:23We've been looking for
20:23Well, in that case
20:25Welcome to Smooch City
20:26This is your mayor speaking
20:27Unless you want to be mayor
20:28In which case
20:29This is your deputy mayor speaking
20:30Stop talking
20:31Yes, Madam Mayor
20:32Hello, besties
20:35Woo, what's that smell?
20:37Because I love it
21:05I'm here with you
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