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00:06Oh, what's going on?
00:07Sam and Jay are on high alert for another Christmas possession,
00:10so they're playing it safe and not going near any electronics this year.
00:13Which I'm trying not to take personally.
00:15I'm the reason your mother-in-law likes you now, you ingrate.
00:19So, you just want me to plug this Christmas village in?
00:21Uh-huh, that's right.
00:23Better safe than sorry. This puppy draws a lot of current.
00:26You know I'm going to have to charge you my regular rate, plus the holiday surcharge.
00:29Yes, we are aware of that.
00:32Alberta, what are you doing?
00:34I'm getting behind Mark in case he gets shocked and thrown back.
00:36You're trying to possess him, but this is our first Christmas together as a couple.
00:40Oh, we'll be together. I'll just be in Mark.
00:43Man, it would be so cool to possess someone.
00:46I've had the munchies for, like, half a century.
00:49I'm a pacifist, but I'd murder somebody for a Pringle.
00:52Okay, there goes nothing.
00:59Huh?
01:00Damn it! Mama wanted a Sazerac.
01:03Okay, so I'll send you guys a bill.
01:04Merry Christmas, Mark.
01:06Mm-hmm.
01:06Look, Trevor, way in the back, the orthodontist has a little menorah in the window.
01:10I want to say that's an offensive stereotype, but he looks a lot like Dr. Rosenblatt.
01:21This dope, furiously buying gifts on December 23rd that can be here by tomorrow, it's like
01:27this every year. When's he gonna learn?
01:30Okay, you are not gonna believe this. I just got off the phone with a publisher, and apparently
01:35a booker on All Day USA listened to my Todd Pod interview, and he wants to include my book
01:40in a segment on last-minute gift ideas.
01:42It's crazy how long some people wait.
01:45He didn't get you the Jenny Kane sweater because it was already sold out. Hope you enjoy your
01:49Best Buy gift card.
01:50Samantha, this is huge for our book. Me, a stocking stuffer. Fuzzah!
01:56This is incredible, babe. I'm so proud of you.
01:58And we go, she'll be able to witness the interview in person, for it shall take place here, in the
02:03mansion that I built.
02:04I mean, you didn't actually do any of the laborer.
02:06I married the man that signed the checks that paid for the gruel that fueled those young
02:11child workers.
02:12Sort of a sad little nursery rhyme.
02:14I'm so nervous and so excited. I mean, national television, what am I gonna wear?
02:20Maybe see what they have at the women's department at Best Buy.
02:27It's so cozy.
02:28Everyone has hot cocoa in Christmastown.
02:31Mmm, even that baby. That don't seem safe.
02:34Thor have questions about gifts for flower.
02:39What the hell?
02:40Oh, did I do that?
02:42We step back for a second, Thor. I want to see something.
02:47Okay, now come closer again.
02:50Oh, this is wild. Thor, your ghost power must be interacting with the electrical grid in
02:56Christmastown.
02:57Yes, Thor feel power surging through body.
03:03Ow!
03:05Okay, let's get you away from this thing before you burn down the whole house.
03:08Yeah.
03:09Wait, what were you asking? Something about a Christmas gift for flower?
03:13Yeah, I really want to wow her, but not know what to get.
03:16Well, what you gonna ask to you?
03:17Coupon for intercourse and candle, so yeah, bar set pretty high.
03:22Okay, has flower mentioned anything in particular that she wants?
03:26Mmm, world peace and also food.
03:29She often mentioned how she had munchies for many years.
03:32Well, unfortunately, there's no way to enjoy food or Sazerac short of possessing a living.
03:38Interesting. So you're saying Thor should help flower possess living for Christmas?
03:42I mean, if you could pull that off, that'd be a pretty amazing gift.
03:45Yes! Then it is decided. Thor will get flower and living for Christmas.
03:50And sex coupon, because tradition.
03:55Hello, all.
03:57Hi.
03:57Every time. You have got to learn how to enter a room, woman.
04:01I see it's not just the downstairs. This room also reeks of Christmas.
04:06What are you so upset about?
04:08Ah, the tree, the decorations, the general merriment? That is so clearly a foot.
04:14Wait, the merriment is a foot? Huh. So Stephen Stills had a merriment fetish.
04:20I'm confused. Don't Puritans love Christmas?
04:24Puritans love Christmas. Oh, I would laugh, were that not a trick the devil uses to enter thine body.
04:30No, there is only one proper way to celebrate Christmas, which is not at all.
04:35You see, Puritans believed that to revel was a gateway to sin.
04:39Buckle up. It's time for another depressing history lesson.
04:42So, on Christmas, there was no mirth in sight. Shops remained open. Work continued unabated.
04:50And you would be fined for doing anything even close to celebrating.
04:54Ah, it was wonderful.
04:56Well, you've given us all a lot to think about.
04:59And then came the tinsel.
05:00Oh, it's still going. Fun!
05:04How are you feeling, babe? You ready? Today's a big day.
05:08I'm freaking out, Jay.
05:09You should be nervous. This interview is huge for both of us.
05:11National television. Thousands of people could be watching.
05:15It could be millions.
05:16My God. The Thirteen Colonies must be bursting at the seams.
05:20Hey, you got this, babe. You can put the toothbrush down. The mayor's car is clean.
05:26Hey, why do you think he drives such a fancy car? You think he's taking bribes for permits? Peppermits?
05:33Is this helping, Sam?
05:34No. I'm sorry, Jay. I just really need to collect my thoughts.
05:38All right, but you're going to do great, babe.
05:40You think?
05:41I know it.
05:44Oh! Peppermits. That's good. Yeah, I get it.
05:48Sam!
05:49You got the moment?
05:50She's kind of in a mood.
05:52I'm a little busy, Thor.
05:53Just need a little help with flower gift. Wanted to ask your opinion.
05:57I'm sure whatever you have in mind is perfect.
05:59Okay, but Thor want to tell you and then have extensive conversation where you tell Thor how you feel about
06:04the idea.
06:05You know what, Thor? Why don't you just let us all be surprised so we can experience the gift, whatever
06:10it is, along with flower?
06:11Yes! Great idea, Isaac. Surprise flower, surprise me, and have a Merry Christmas.
06:17Okay, and, uh, flower! Come in here!
06:21Oh, it's happening right now.
06:23Hey, Thor. What's up?
06:24Stand there by Samantha.
06:26Okay.
06:27Hmm.
06:29What's going on?
06:33Thor?
06:34Merry Christmas, flower!
06:38Oh, dear.
06:44Whoa.
06:46Am I wearing a bra?
06:48Hey, who shaved my pits, man?
06:55Okay, something very weird is going on.
06:58Is it less pink in here?
07:00Does it smell less like patchouli?
07:02Flower, you are inside of Sam.
07:05This giant animal used his ghost power to channel electricity from the Christmas village and hurl Sam's body through you,
07:12thus resulting in yet another Christmas possession.
07:16Thor, you did that for me?
07:18Aw.
07:19No, not aw.
07:21Samantha has a very important interview about her book, and we need you out of her body post-haste.
07:25Interview? Thor will not know about interview.
07:29Thor, what did you do?
07:30Oh, Samantha?
07:32Yeah, it's me, and you're in big trouble.
07:34But you tell Thor to surprise you.
07:36Yes, because I didn't think you meant this.
07:38Okay, so you were surprised. Sort of seemed like a mission accomplished.
07:43Now that that misunderstanding is cleared up, we can take care of this.
07:46Right. Okay, flower, I'm going to drive you over the boundary and get you out of my body.
07:51Wait, flower have munchies for many years. Please just let her eat one thing and make Thor's Christmas gift complete.
07:59Fine. Flower, you can have one thing, but then I want my body back, and I can't keep saying this
08:05every Christmas.
08:07Okay, flower. It's your time to shine.
08:13Did it used to be more pink in here?
08:15Bah! Take a bite of cookie and satisfy munchies.
08:18Okay.
08:22Mmm. Wow. That is so good.
08:27What's going on?
08:29Flower possess Sam bought a very generous Christmas gift from Thor.
08:36Okay, flower, you've had your fun, but it's time to go.
08:40How long has you been in there?
08:41A couple of minutes.
08:42What? That's not long enough.
08:44Samantha has a very important interview in an hour, and she needs to focus.
08:46An hour? That's plenty of time. Flower, listen to me. Run to the light and shut the door behind you.
08:52No, no, there's not time.
08:57Whoa. Hey, Nancy. How's it going? Please excuse my hairless pits.
09:02Okay, Nancy. You're not being helpful right now.
09:04I'm just looking after my girl. When you possessed that workman back in the 1800s, you were in that dude
09:11for days.
09:12What I do inside of a dude is none of your business.
09:14Everyone stop!
09:16This is not problem. Flower can have a fun. Then before interview, she leaves Sam's body. Right, Flower?
09:25Wait. Where's she go?
09:27Flower has absconded with Sam's body.
09:29Hell yeah! Drive it like you stole it, Flower!
09:35You disgust me, fat man.
09:38Oh, hey, Patience. Oh, you left just in time. They're upstairs singing the 12 Days of Christmas. I had to
09:44get out of there.
09:45Trevor, also have disdain for the vile celebration of this holiday?
09:48Well, I didn't want to say anything in front of the others. I'd prefer to let you corner the wet
09:52blanket market.
09:53Oh, thank you. Just kind of my thing.
09:55But if I'm being honest, I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas, either.
09:59Really?
09:59I was like the only Jewish kid in my town growing up. And so, when the holidays rolled around, I
10:03always felt a little like I didn't belong.
10:05And in elementary school, every Christmas pageant, they made me stand up alone and sing dreidel, dreidel, dreidel.
10:11Ugh. Patience understands. It's like that winter when I was spared from the great pox, but all of my siblings
10:19perished.
10:20Why not me?
10:21Hey. Yeah. Um, not exactly the same?
10:26Oh. Thank you for talking with me, Trevor. Patience is enjoying herself.
10:35Yeah, but not too much, right?
10:37Val gets it.
10:40So, yeah, flowers running around in a brand new Sam suit.
10:44Oh, that lucky son of a bitch. Mark, that could have been us.
10:47Oh, hi, Mark. Hey, David. Is that...
10:52Woodstone? That looks amazing.
10:53I helped build it.
10:55We've been working on it for the last few weeks.
10:57My kid wants to be a contractor, so we started with the gingerbread house.
10:59What do we say after we're done?
11:01Well, I'll send you an invoice.
11:03Oh, that is so cute.
11:05You're not really charging me, right?
11:07No, it's a gift. Merry Christmas.
11:10Hi. Gary from All Day USA.
11:12We're here to interview Sam Arendaker.
11:14That's gonna be difficult.
11:15Great. Well, I'm Jay. I'm Sam's husband.
11:18Uh, yeah, she was around here. Sam!
11:21Sam! Sam!
11:22I'll just go look for her.
11:24Follow the smell of burning bras. You'll find her.
11:29Amanda, you're an amazing person.
11:31And the love that you put out into the universe
11:34is gonna come back to you tenfold.
11:36Wow. Thank you.
11:39I had no idea you were so spiritual.
11:41Yeah, I once slept with the Dalai Lama's brother.
11:43What is happening right now?
11:45I'd say Samantha got into my laudanum,
11:47but I don't think it has that kind of shelf life.
11:50Oh. Hey, Gabe. How's it going, man?
11:54Good.
11:55Say, listen. Do you know anywhere
11:56that someone could score around here?
11:58Oh, I just cook.
12:00Oh, come on, Gabe. I'm cool.
12:02I heard pot's a lot stronger these days.
12:04I haven't smoked any since the 60s.
12:07How old are you?
12:08Oh, my God. The crazy bastard did it.
12:11Flower, is that you?
12:12Yeah, it's me. Hey, guys.
12:14What?
12:15Oh, sorry. I was just talking to my friend
12:17who used to be a virgin,
12:19but he's invisible to you.
12:20Okay. I want what you have.
12:23Why is the virgin thing, Jermaine?
12:24What is going on?
12:26Thor wanted to help Flower possess someone for Christmas,
12:28and I guess he did it.
12:30So, can you hook it up or not?
12:33Look, I have something,
12:35but it might be a little intense.
12:37Dude, I used to party with Bobby and Jerry.
12:40I hugged a bear after Woodstock
12:42and lived to talk about it.
12:44No, no, you didn't.
12:45The point is, I can handle it.
12:47Okay.
12:49It's called mistletoe.
12:50Whoa.
12:51You just put this under your tongue,
12:53and when you see God,
12:54tell him Gabe said,
12:56what's up?
12:57Flower, here comes Jay.
12:58No.
12:58Who?
12:59Um, God, our Heavenly Father.
13:02There you are.
13:03We got to get you back to the house, Sam.
13:05What are you doing back here?
13:06Oh, I was just getting drugs from Gabe.
13:09That's hilarious.
13:10Come on, let's go.
13:14We should probably go watch this.
13:15Oh, hell yeah.
13:17So then, I said to Goody Mather
13:19that I could finish the quilt by sunrise.
13:22Oh, my candle did burn low that night.
13:24I love it.
13:25You've got that grind mentality.
13:27You know it did.
13:28I got to say, patience,
13:29even though this is not my favorite season,
13:31I'm having a pretty good time.
13:33And I guess it's true what they say.
13:35Misery loves company.
13:37Oh, indeed.
13:38She also loved making little corn husk dolls
13:41and saying the Lord's Prayer.
13:42Misery was a woman of many hobbies.
13:44Ha, ha, ha.
13:45You're mischig enough.
13:46What's that?
13:47Oh, it's a Yiddish word.
13:50Yiddish is sort of like Hebrew.
13:52I've always had an interest in Hebrew.
13:54You know, the language he spoke.
13:57Well, I don't really know that much Hebrew.
13:59I can count to ten.
14:00Oh, I would very much like to hear that sometime.
14:04It's cool that you're so interested in Jewish stuff.
14:07I know a little about Puritan stuff.
14:09I went on a field trip to a colonial village in the fifth grade.
14:12My favorite part, the butter churning.
14:15But I could never quite get it.
14:18The...
14:18Oh, you're not going to get butter like that.
14:22No, it is less of a circular motion and more like this.
14:25One, two, three.
14:27It is important to keep a rhythm.
14:29One, two, three.
14:32Perhaps count with me in the language of your people.
14:35If that's what you want.
14:39Echad, shteym, shalosh.
14:41Slower.
14:43Echad, shteym, shalosh.
14:46I think this butter is firming.
14:48Hell yeah, it is.
14:52You know, makeup is just a tool the patriarchy uses to keep women down, man.
14:58Are you okay, babe?
15:01Oh, wow.
15:02Your beard is so soft.
15:05Okay.
15:06Oh, very happy you like Christmas present.
15:08But time to let Sam do interview now, Flower.
15:11And she's asleep.
15:13Babe?
15:14They're ready for you, Sam.
15:17Sam!
15:20You ready?
15:21Yeah, man.
15:21Groovy.
15:24This is going to be a train wreck.
15:27All right, here we are.
15:28Walter.
15:28This is Sam.
15:29Hey, Walter Storm.
15:31All day USA.
15:32Very nice to meet you.
15:33I had them set us up here in front of this gingerbread house.
15:36Pretty cool, huh?
15:36Cool.
15:38Okay.
15:40Babe, you got this.
15:42Can someone get him out of the shot?
15:44Jay!
15:45Flower's inside me.
15:46Do something.
15:47Oh, hey, actually, can we just have five more minutes?
15:50Nope.
15:51We're live in five, four, three.
15:56And we're live here with author Samantha Arendecar to talk to her about her historical fiction book about vampires.
16:03Oh, no, not vampires.
16:05They're scary.
16:10What kind of historical research did you do for the novel?
16:14Um, seven.
16:16What?
16:17Teen.
16:19Seventeen.
16:20I'm sorry?
16:22Tell him you unearthed previously undiscovered primary source documents.
16:27I found something in the earth.
16:30Was that good?
16:33Uh, moving on to theme.
16:35What was it about vampires that, uh, piqued your interest?
16:39Whoa.
16:40Is that a giant cookie house?
16:47What is she doing to the gingerbread house?
16:49Uh, I don't know.
16:51Thor, the chimney tastes amazing.
16:53Okay, sweetie, I think that's enough.
16:55Hey, get your old cookie house, man.
16:58Yum.
16:58Yum.
17:01It's like watching Godzilla trample Candyland.
17:04Okay.
17:05The book is Isaac Higgingtooth, Colonial Vampire.
17:08Available online and at bookstores now.
17:10Pick up yours today.
17:12Impressive composure under difficult circumstances.
17:15He's a pro.
17:18You made out with patience?
17:20There was Hebrew and churning.
17:22Things got out of hands.
17:22We just couldn't stop ourselves.
17:23This is a wild turn of events.
17:26And now I'm freaking out because, you know, it's patience.
17:30Puritans don't do casual hookups.
17:32She probably thinks we're engaged now.
17:34Trevor, we need to speak.
17:36I wanted to talketh about what happened earlier.
17:39About our sensual union.
17:43I should go.
17:45Please stay.
17:45I have prayed on it and I have come to the conclusion
17:50that we cannot be together.
17:51Oh, I mean, oh, no, why not?
17:56I do not want to hurt you, but we come from two different worlds.
18:00I do not think it could ever work out.
18:02Well, I was hoping for something serious, but if that's how you feel.
18:08I wish there was some other way, for I am sad as well.
18:12Goodbye, Trevor.
18:18No harm, no foul.
18:20Yeah, except you just got dumped by patience.
18:22Any chance that stays between us?
18:24Well, would it be embarrassing for you if it got out?
18:26A little.
18:27Then no.
18:30Okay, Sam.
18:31I mean, flower.
18:31Here we go.
18:41Yay, they're back.
18:45I said I was sorry, Sam.
18:46I don't want to hear it, flower.
18:48And you, I can't believe you, Thor.
18:50That was not cool, big guy.
18:52Thor, very sorry, but maybe somehow this helped book sales.
18:56Maybe now, Sam, sort of hot to a girl of books.
19:01You guys knew today was a big deal for me.
19:04Why didn't anyone do anything to help?
19:06Oh, but Samantha, what can we do?
19:08We're ghosts.
19:09You know we love you, Sam.
19:10We screwed up.
19:11But can't we just get to the part where you forgive us and we can all have a Merry Christmas?
19:15No, not this time.
19:18Because that interview aired.
19:20And just like you guys, it'll be around forever.
19:22Don't know why we need to drag our immortality into this.
19:25Babe, let's just go to sleep and calm down and tomorrow's another day.
19:30Exactly.
19:30It's another day of living with this curse.
19:33Another chance for a ghost to ruin something that's important to me.
19:37God, I wish I had never gotten this power.
19:40I wish I had never been able to see ghosts.
19:47Did Flower at least like Christmas gift?
19:51What'd you get me?
19:53You don't remember possessing Sam?
19:56What?
19:57No.
19:58Oh, but that would have been amazing.
20:00I have had the munchies for like 50 years.
20:18Jay?
20:24Hey guys.
20:27Oh.
20:28Okay.
20:29I see.
20:30Giving me the silent treatment?
20:35Don't mind Thor not sitting there.
20:40What the hell?
21:10Don't mind Thor not sitting there.
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