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FunTranscript
00:02Medivac will not be shown tonight.
00:03Channel 10 wishes to apologise for not thinking of this two years ago.
00:49Hey kids, are you sick of boring old cereal?
00:53Do you want a tasty breakfast treat that's loads of fun to eat?
00:57Yeah.
00:57Then you want new lumps of sugar.
01:02Lumps of sugar are made from real sugar so they taste great.
01:05Just add milk and new lumps of sugar magically dissolve right in front of your eyes.
01:10Giving you a great big bowl of milky sugar, you can shovel down with a spoon or just slurp up
01:15through a straw.
01:18And now, new lumps of sugar come in three fun flavours too.
01:23They're sweet, sugary and extra sweet.
01:26New lumps of sugar, they're great.
01:30Deadly work not included.
01:41Hello universe, I'm John Lords.
01:44As if you didn't know already.
01:46And I want to know where our society is heading.
01:49Pornography is freely available.
01:51Ladies of the night walk our streets peddling every kind of sexual deviation.
01:55And unspeakable acts occur in homes across the country every night.
02:00But do I get a single invitation?
02:01Not a bloody one.
02:03There's a poem.
02:07I'll buy you a diamond ring, my friend, if it makes you feel all right.
02:11But in return, you must come round to my place covered in motor oil every night.
02:15That oil is Valvoline.
02:18You know what I mean.
02:22OK, Ken, Ivy, congratulations on coming in to see me.
02:26It's a big step to see a marriage guidance counsellor.
02:29A lot of couples tend to ignore their problems and they simmer away under the surface until it's too late.
02:34But I think it's best to get things out in the open.
02:37Now, I trust you didn't have any trouble finding my office?
02:40No, no trouble at all.
02:41As a matter of fact, we did actually.
02:42He just drove around the pot dressed up to get out and ask for directions.
02:45I could find a piece of meat that didn't seem a really cool...
02:48You could call him babe.
02:49La, la, la, la, la.
02:54Right.
02:55Have you been to a marriage counsellor before?
02:57Oh, yes.
02:58We saw counsellor Davidson about the extensions to our took house.
03:01You see, now, at the time, I was trying to build it for the first time on our side of
03:04a race track for Mexican walking fish.
03:06I wouldn't have minded if he'd taken his fishing tackle out first.
03:12All right.
03:12Now, I want you to feel comfortable.
03:14Now, don't feel as though you have to hold anything back.
03:17Oh, I never hold things back.
03:18I've got so much bottles up inside me.
03:20I'm like a little bottle of people that need.
03:22No, I think anybody wants those people that need to sit on the shelf at the mission ship shop.
03:27They look so lonely.
03:28Oh, you know what it'd be nice, battered, battered, battered, battered, battered.
03:32That's Indonesian, you know, like Bertros, Bertros, Gali.
03:35You know what else is Indonesian?
03:36Indonesian.
03:39Right, now, if I'm going to help you, I have to understand how your marriage works.
03:43Oh, we get along just fine.
03:45No, no, no, no, things to her though.
03:46You had the other day throughout my collection of used false teeth.
03:49Said it took up too much wool in the fridge.
03:51I mean, the woman is always cleaning.
03:53She's just a bit of a sickness that you ask me.
04:05Look, this is all very well, but I need you to state for me simply and clearly what the problem
04:11in your marriage is.
04:12We just don't talk anymore.
04:20My friend, I tell you, that is nothing.
04:22The other day, I got a fare from the airport to Yass.
04:24Oh, bullshit.
04:25No, it's no bullshit.
04:26You ask corn.
04:27It's bloody troll, right?
04:28This taxi driving business is bullshit.
04:30Will you buy the next coffee then?
04:33Excuse me.
04:34Oh, lovely lady.
04:36What can we do for you?
04:37I was wondering if you had a phone I could use.
04:39Sure, no worries.
04:40Gino, tell the lovely lady where the phone is.
04:42Hey, lovely lady, you follow me.
04:43Thanks.
04:43Hey, you follow the football?
04:45Uh, yes.
04:45Yeah, you want to make them see these ones, eh?
04:47I reckon they're bullshit.
04:49Just come this way, lovely lady.
04:50Just away.
04:51I tell you what, have you been to the car to the scene of them?
04:54Uh, yeah.
04:54Oh, yeah, no, they're bullshit, you know?
05:04This is Constable Craig Barnes, a policeman with a tragic story.
05:08In the line of duty, he has suffered an affliction that will affect him the rest of his life.
05:13For Constable Barnes, just can't stop dancing.
05:23It was very difficult.
05:24You know, it was my first assignment with the force.
05:26I thought, fantastic.
05:27You know, what could be better?
05:28Supervisor at a blue light disco, you know?
05:30I was a fool.
05:32How many blue light discos did you attend?
05:35I mean, two, three hundred.
05:38We just didn't realise how dangerous it could be at the time.
05:41You know, that constant exposure to disco music.
05:44I mean, without the deadening effects of alcohol to help.
05:49Estimates suggest that you have listened to Nutbush City Limits about 4,000 times.
05:54Oh, yeah.
05:57Oh, yeah.
06:09Barnes attempted to find deployment in different departments of the police force, but with little success.
06:14Dan, do you remember what we learned about crossing the road?
06:17Yes.
06:18You look to the right, that's it, and then what?
06:21Look to the left.
06:22It's a look to the left.
06:23And then a step.
06:25To the right.
06:26You put your hands on your hips, you bring your knees in tight, but it's the pelvic thrust that really
06:34tells you where to say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:36Sometimes the results were catastrophic.
06:51Mate, don't blame me.
06:53I was just here, and then the coppers had come through, and then he's just...
06:55Come on, mate, you're blowing...
06:56Stop!
06:57Think at all.
07:00Despite his affliction, Constable Barnes was determined to continue serving and protecting the community.
07:05He's going to jump.
07:07Stand back.
07:08Come on, people, stand back.
07:09Let the professionals handle it.
07:10Come on.
07:12Back off, copper!
07:14I've got nothing to live for!
07:15Come on, mate, come on.
07:16It can't be that bad.
07:18Mate, are you married?
07:20Yeah.
07:21Well, there you go.
07:22I mean, what about your lady, mate?
07:24My lady.
07:25My lady.
07:30Lady bump.
07:32Lady bump.
07:33It's all right.
07:58And welcome to Foreign Correspondent.
08:01Tonight on the show, Hong Kong.
08:02If the economy gets any weaker, you'll be seeing international intervention.
08:06Then New Guinea.
08:08If the military gets any stronger, you'll be seeing a possible coup.
08:11And finally, my jeans.
08:12If they get any tighter, you'll be seeing what I had for breakfast.
08:17Tonight on Heartbreak High, Declan has a nervous breakdown because of exam pressure, Stacey has an unwanted pregnancy, and Con
08:24faces a dilemma when his favourite drinking tap is blocked up with sticks.
08:29Good evening, everyone.
08:32Well, it's good to be back.
08:33We'll be pleased to hear that our acquisition of Gunnamoto Industries was a success, and we are now the third
08:38largest steel manufacturer in the country.
08:41So, well done to everyone involved, both here and overseas.
08:46Well done.
08:47Well, I've got a lot of catching up to do, so let's get down to business before I've got to
08:51meet with Gary, our acting CEO, before he leaves us this evening.
08:55Gary was great.
08:57What?
08:58Gary.
08:59He was, like, really, really good.
09:01Terrific guy.
09:02Yes, well, of course he was.
09:04That's why I appointed him acting CEO in my absence.
09:07Obviously.
09:09Pauline, have you got those figures from China?
09:13Um, well, Gary said not to worry about those until next week.
09:17What?
09:18Well, our department was really busy, and Gary said we were ahead of schedule, so he told us to take
09:22a couple of days off.
09:25Oh, he did, did he?
09:30David, have you got the budget projections?
09:32Oh, well, really interesting.
09:33Gary says we spend too much time worrying about budgets.
09:36He says that if we just concentrate on getting a really warm, creative environment going, then we'll all work to
09:41our potential.
09:42It'll be fantastic.
09:43I don't need this.
09:44I need a coffee.
09:45Tony, give me your coffee, will you?
09:48Um...
09:48Well, I suppose Gary says I shouldn't drink coffee.
09:51Well, coffee raises the blood pressure and causes anxiety and irritability, and there is some evidence to suggest that it
09:58could cause cancer, according to Gary.
10:02Are you being serious?
10:04Yes, I am sick to death of hearing about Gary.
10:08Just shut up about Gary.
10:12Gary didn't shout at us.
10:17Gary was our friend.
10:18He took us bowling.
10:19That's right.
10:20He took us for drives in the car.
10:21He took us to McDonald's and bought us food.
10:23That's right.
10:24And he bought us ice cream.
10:25Yeah, yeah, and chocolate.
10:26Remember when Pauline had the chocolate and went all down the road?
10:30Gary bought that chocolate.
10:31Gary was cool.
10:32Oh, Gary's cool.
10:33You're going to be the best.
10:35I love Gary.
10:35We love Gary.
10:36I love Gary.
10:37I don't believe this.
10:41You ungrateful...
10:43Who gave you your jobs in the first place?
10:46Who built this company out from nothing?
10:48Who gave you your health insurance and your superannuation and your cheap home loans and your free gym membership?
10:56David.
10:57Who drives you to indoor cricket every Thursday evening?
11:02Well, you do, Doug.
11:03And Pauline, who sat up with you all night while you had the chicken pox?
11:07You, Doug.
11:08And who wiped your nose and put mercurochrome on your knees and made you that pretty little frock on your
11:12first date?
11:14You, Doug.
11:15You, Doug.
11:17So I want to hear no more about Gary.
11:19I want you to do this for me.
11:23Pauline, I want you to get me those figures from China.
11:25Dave, I want those budget forecasts on my desk.
11:27And Mark and Tony, I want you to get on with those contracts for Singapore.
11:35There's a paddle pop in it for you.
11:49Gary gave us magnums.
12:16You know I used to star on Young Tavern.
12:22Australian version of the Pian Rhymes.
12:26Your young talent.
12:30When you turned 17.
12:35Then they all said to me.
12:40You could be the greatest singer in history.
12:45But only one thing will make hits turn.
12:52If your breath suffers
12:57Firm and inviting
12:59You'll be guaranteed
13:02Their claim when they are firm
13:06Firm and exciting
13:08You'll be on your way
13:13Be like Danny and get him plants
13:18It's a girly version of a sock down the fence
13:22I'll wear a wonder bra
13:25And win a swag of Aria's
13:30Although I can sing
13:33Sing like an angel
13:37It won't please those middle-aged males
13:40Unless I'm at a natural angle
13:46To boost my record sales
13:50Although I can sing
13:53Sing like an angel
13:56It won't please those middle-aged males
13:59Unless I'm at a natural angle
14:05To boost my record sales
14:08Although I can sing
14:11Sing like an angel
14:14It won't please those middle-aged males
14:18Unless I'm at a natural angle
14:23To boost my record sales
14:34Welcome to the program
14:35Tonight the troubled Russian Mir space station
14:38After 186 days in space
14:41The controversial commander of the Mir
14:42Vasily Sibleev
14:44Returned safely to Earth last week
14:46Only to face accusations of incompetence
14:48And negligence
14:49He's resigned from the Russian Space Agency
14:51And has emigrated to Australia
14:53To a new life and a new job
14:54In a 7.30 report exclusive
14:56Vasily joins us in the studio tonight
14:58Vasily, welcome to Australia
14:59Vasily
15:13Vasily
15:14Yeah
15:15186 days in space
15:16A record number of technical failures
15:18Fires
15:19Loss of oxygen
15:20Near disaster
15:21Life on the mirror sounds like quite an ordeal
15:23Nah, but two is picnic compared to Moscow
15:32Okay, let's talk about the accident on June the 25th
15:35You were trying to dock a cargo supply ship to the Mir
15:38When the two vessels collided
15:40Was it human error?
15:41No, not human error
15:44Design fault
15:47What sort of design fault?
15:49Accelerator pedal and brake pedal
15:51Looked the same to me
15:57Hi, Pete
15:58Russian Space Agency officials have
16:01Vasily suggested that
16:02While docking
16:03You failed to take into account
16:05More than a tonne of garbage
16:06That was loaded on the cargo ship
16:08Well, nobody told me that
16:09Boris Yeltsin was on board
16:13Only joking
16:16So
16:17So you deny that
16:19That you were in any way responsible
16:21No
16:22Not my fault
16:23Not my fault
16:24I am very experienced captain
16:25I have been in captain seat
16:27Many, many years
16:28Whoa
16:34I'm back
16:35So
16:37So Vasily, briefly
16:39What's your version of the accident
16:41Of June 25th?
16:42Kerry, I'm very glad you asked
16:46I bring along a model
16:48To help demonstrate
16:49Now here is
16:51Oh, dear
16:52Solar panel
16:53Always falling off
16:54Here, you keep
16:54Here is Mir Space Station
16:57Okay?
16:58And here is
16:59His cargo ship
17:01Coming closer and closer together
17:03See, yes
17:04Closer and closer together
17:05And then
17:06I think
17:07Suddenly
17:08Something is wrong
17:08Something is not right
17:09I stand up
17:10But it's too late
17:11Bang!
17:12What, you collided with the cargo ship?
17:14No, I hit head on ceiling
17:16I have to get Alexander to take me to sick bay
17:19Get band-aid for head
17:20And vodka for pain
17:21Vodka for pain
17:23So
17:24So were you injured
17:25At all?
17:26No, no, no
17:27Not injured
17:27I was, um
17:28What you said?
17:29Shit-faced
17:30Done
17:32So what job have you come here for?
17:34I come to work for Australian government
17:36I am hired by Peter Costello
17:39A treasury position?
17:40Ha!
17:41No!
17:41I am new chauffeur for John Howard
17:50It's Tracy Aldrich, the Australian
17:51She's gonna do it
17:52She's done it
17:53She's done it
17:54And she's done it for Australia
17:55This is fantastic
17:56A world record
17:58Broken
17:58And it's gold
18:00Gold for Australia
18:01And there she is
18:02A proud Aussie
18:03Good on you, Tracy
18:04Ho, ho, ho
18:05And a Victorian flag
18:06To represent her state
18:08And what a wonderful moment
18:09For this Australian
18:10From Victoria
18:11Look, she deserves
18:13All the accolades
18:13And that looks
18:14Like a Geelong football flag
18:16Of course
18:17To represent the city of Geelong
18:18Where young Tracy
18:19Grew up
18:20Oh, and all those early years
18:22Spent at McDonald's
18:23Which helped shape her
18:24Into the champion she is today
18:26Would you like french fries with that?
18:27Yes, I would
18:28And that's her father
18:30Congratulating her
18:31And oh, what a touching tribute
18:33To her father's alcohol dependency
18:35And speaking of alcohol
18:37What about that time
18:38She got drunk at uni
18:39And gee
18:40She pinched the auction flag
18:41From the local real estate agent
18:42Do I have any more bidders?
18:44Oh, gee
18:45Yes, I do
18:46Well, she may not have pole position
18:48But she did cross the finish line first
18:50This great Aussie athlete
18:52Oh, and there's Mel Henderson
18:54The well-known used car dealer
18:55And what a great deal
18:56Of effort
18:57Tracy must have put in to win
19:00And she certainly is above par
19:02What a great little birdie
19:03Is that a hole-in-one?
19:04I think it is
19:05And there's her Uncle Henry
19:07Who's completely insane
19:09And a yo-ho-ho
19:10And a bottle of rum
19:10To you, Henry
19:11Oh, gee
19:12Gee, gee
19:13Poor Tracy
19:14The emotion has got the better of her
19:18Golly, but what's this?
19:22You have no respect for her
19:24I'm telling you
19:25Don't
19:26You can't do it
19:33This week on Australia's Most Wanted
19:36We ask for information
19:38That can help police catch a gang
19:39Responsible for a series of spectacular robberies
19:43This brazen group of criminals
19:45Specialise in stealing vehicles
19:47And ramming them through the windows
19:49Of business premises at night
19:50They then grab as many goods as they can
19:53Before racing off with their ill-gotten gains
19:56Police have warned businesses with glass doors
20:02Sadly, many businesses have ignored these warnings
20:05And have paid the price
20:07It is vital
20:09That we all remain vigilant at all times
20:12Letting your guard down
20:14Will only make these criminals' jobs
20:16That much easier
20:17The police believe
20:19They could have apprehended the gang by now
20:21If only someone had spotted them in the act
20:23And provided the police with a lead
20:26It's hard to believe
20:28That not even one member of the public
20:30Has been able to witness
20:31Even one of their many raids
20:34Now, the police assure us
20:36They are doing all they can
20:37But they need no hope to pack the place
20:40Surely you've noticed
20:41Something unusual happening in a shop
20:43Or office at night
20:45Perhaps suspicious looking people
20:47Who don't seem to belong there
20:49Maybe it's a fan that doesn't walk there
20:51Which belongs inside a shop
20:56So, do you want to play I spy?
21:04Yeah, all right
21:07I spy with my little eyes
21:08Something beginning with
21:12Q
21:14Q?
21:15Something with Q
21:17That's a tricky one
21:20I don't know
21:21Give up
21:22I'll give you a clue
21:25It's in front of us
21:27And it hasn't moved all night
21:32In front of us?
21:34Hadn't moved all night?
21:35Yeah
21:37Is that bloke I knocked unconscious an hour ago?
21:40No, he didn't start with a Q
21:41He started with a
21:43What the hell are you looking at?
21:45And then you hit him with a Q
21:47Yeah, that's right
21:49Oh, I'll give up
21:51It's a Q
21:53Yeah, I know
21:53It's a Q
21:54What's the word?
21:55No, it's a Q
21:56It's a Q
21:58Oh, it's a Q
22:00Oh, right
22:01Didn't see it then
22:03I've got a good one
22:04I've got a good one
22:05I spy with my little eye
22:07It's up and beginning with you
22:11Is it me?
22:13No, it's you
22:18Where are they now?
22:22Number 435
22:23Last week's pay packet
22:35Make sure that you use butter
22:37No oil at all
22:38You put a tiny little bit of butter
22:40First, chili with tomato
22:42And then you get the almonds and cheese
22:43You'll get a nice slice of it
22:46See my shirt, man?
22:48Yeah, what about it?
22:48See my shirt?
22:49Yeah
22:49It's alright, eh?
22:50Yeah, it's alright
22:50What would you pay for a shirt like this?
22:51I don't know
22:52What would you pay?
22:53I don't know
22:53How much do you reckon?
22:54I don't know
22:54I don't know
22:5620 bucks
22:565 bucks
22:575 bucks
22:585 bucks
22:59Mate, can't go wrong
22:59Can't go wrong, mate
23:01And this belt, mate
23:02See this belt?
23:02It's alright, eh?
23:03What'd you pay for that?
23:04I don't know
23:04What do you reckon?
23:05I don't know
23:05Have a guess
23:06I don't know
23:07Just have a guess
23:08What's your going to urge you?
23:09Have a guess
23:097 bucks
23:107 bucks
23:104 bucks, mate
23:12four bucks from vinnies can't go wrong can't go wrong see myself mate what would you pay for a
23:17sock like this i don't know socks with two of them no just this one all right i've only got
23:21two holes
23:21though what would you pay i don't know have a guess i don't know it's a sock you know all
23:25right
23:25what would you pay two dollars two dollars 50 cents 50 cents mate can't go wrong can't go wrong
23:30mate you know that monaro i bought last year the red stripe and the and the mag wheels yeah
23:34driving down the road the other day piled it into a tree shirley's in the camera and the doctor
23:38reckons it could go all the way jeez that's awful yeah how much you pay 300 can't go wrong
23:58since they're crushing defeat in the march 96 election the labor party has been forced to regroup
24:03and redefine its aims and objectives with nearly 18 months of preparation what message does the
24:09federal opposition want to send to the public here at alp headquarters the strategies that will one
24:16day sweep the labor party back into office are being formulated in a series of high level think tanks
24:21where leading alp figures formulate their new policies
24:35hello hello anybody here from the australian labor party hello hello anybody anybody
24:51i'm looking for the australian labor party
25:08good afternoon we're here for the alp strategy meeting um i don't know we're just here on work
25:14experience um you might from somewhere down the back somewhere hey shields down to 15 percent
25:21sorry
25:30mr beasley
25:36mr beasley
25:41this is the opposition leader's office in canberra with the liberal government continuing to make a
25:46number of embarrassing errors the country is turning to mr beasley to see what kind of alternative
25:50he and his party have to offer this is your chance to speak to the australian people
25:56to offer a viable alternative instead of just waiting around for the liberal party to shoot themselves in
26:01the foot
26:02i'm not kim beasley i'm the big fat chef from healthy wealthy and wise
26:06now you take two foil beds add some fat and then you eat it yammo yammo
26:11over to you felicity
26:15beasley
26:18mr beasley do you have any comments on the liberal party's taxation reforms what what about the heroin trials
26:25mr beasley taxation reformer mr beasley john howe is going to lead this country to the next millennium
26:34isn't there any comment you want to make don't you want to say anything
26:38doesn't anybody from the australian labor party want to talk to us
26:42make it 50 at all talk to you
26:46did i tell you about the time i won the america's cup
26:49now what about i cry for you hey you'll ever get up my prostrate
27:10laurie m milstein is one of the rock industry's success stories with a string of international
27:15hits and a stable of stars to her credit milstein does more than just cater to public taste she
27:20creates it yeah i'll get sound gordon to do it yeah i like to think of myself as if you
27:26like a
27:26cultural gasometer barometer whatever one of those uh things that go up on the roof that go around and
27:32around what is that weathercock maybe not the point is it is my job to keep these two fingers right
27:39here on the pulse she'll get me a pulse you want one make it two times are changing and if
27:49there are
27:49two words that sum up youth culture today it is youth and it is culture i mean look at hands
27:54sure
27:55they're cute but they're yesterday's news they're old hacks finito capuzzo and a story
28:03you want to know what's in i'll tell you what's in these dudes i would like you to meet the
28:08next big
28:08thing t-w-a toddlers without a two this is mikey he's my mikey this is a snoot meister and
28:19this is uh
28:22yo s-man you remember any songs no what we got a double cd to record by 1400 hours or
28:30you guys are
28:30dead down in the water what do you got i do the drawing it's it's it's a tree and dog
28:39and stuff
28:39give it to me great we've got an album cover amazingly the songs were written and recorded
28:47and the film clip shot by lunch time under the closed supervision of millstein by three o'clock it was
28:53a
28:53number one hit sadly by 4 30 twa had split up according to millstein young talent doesn't just
29:14come along by accident it has to be nurtured but not every young band has what it takes stop rolling
29:20jamie listen you guys it's crapola you know what i'm saying now we're gonna go for one more take
29:29and for christ's sake get it right or you guys are out on your big fat lazy butts now i
29:35want to hear
29:35something but in the endless search for new talent some say that millstein goes too far this is it this
29:45is a talent that's going to take us to the next millennium this kid is going to go all the
29:49way
29:50and i'm the one that's going to take him there forget sound garden and get ready for ultra sound
30:10go on
30:10see you tonight have a nice day at work travel safely
30:40oh good night mate how are you jeff big night last night yeah that's for sure
30:45buggered if i know how i got home though mate
31:11well good evening i'm bonnie wee ian mcgoodings promising you that each and every helping of
31:16tonight's national nightly mc network news has been flame grilled topped with a special sporty
31:21sauce served on a sesame seed weather report garnished with a side order of financial fries
31:26and had the gherkin lovingly removed by me to guarantee you that you'll be feeling slightly
31:31ill for the rest of the evening and ahead in tonight's news tragedy at the australian war
31:37memorial in canberra as three firemen die of frustration whilst trying to put out the eternal
31:42flame allegations of racial vilification in the hospitality industry as a pot called a kettle black
31:50and babies there's one born every minute
31:54but folks the news well community groups have called for charges to be laid against suspected
32:00war criminal conrad kalyesh who was recently deported from canada pauline hansen's one nation
32:05party has sprung to mr kalyesha's defense saying that he is innocent until proven asian
32:15well surprised today as the australian bureau of statistics revealed that two out of three people
32:21wonder what happened to the third one
32:30well overseas now and the recent birthday of u.s president bill clinton was a traditional affair
32:36with family and friends singing happy birthday before mr clinton took great pleasure in blowing
32:41out 51 candles on his birthday cake 48 of those candles are filing for sexual harassment
32:49and great news for el mcpherson and her boyfriend aki bousson with the announcement that l is expecting
32:55a child in february the child will be a first for el who is known as the body and aki
33:01who is known as
33:01that lucky bastard well to finance now where the australian dollar will now buy 83 japanese yen 74 us
33:10cents and a peruvian sailor called kuwasi who happens to be down on his luck at pier 13.
33:18and finally what you get when you sit on your ass for half an hour each week night at six
33:22o'clock
33:23reading an auto queue about 400 grand a year plus perks
33:29well it would appear that the federal government is determined to introduce a goods and services tax
33:34but is it the same gst that lost john hewson a federal election
33:38or is it a new improved version joining me in the studio to discuss the gst is the federal treasurer
33:45mr peter costello mr costello good to have you here certainly must be
33:54so mr costello what's so different about the gst this time around well ian as you can see this one
34:01the old one has what we in politics call a pink cover and this one the new one has what
34:06we refer to
34:07as a blue cover i see yes blue is the new one pink is the old one blue is new
34:16pink is old blue new
34:18pink old yes good yes quite quite quite yes right so so the only difference between the old gst and
34:23the
34:23new gst is in fact the color of the cover don't be a lick spittle ian of course not we
34:29have made some
34:30major changes right such as well the old one has a small picture of john hewson on the inside and
34:36this
34:36one the new one has a centerfold in the middle of me and it looks pretty good too ian see
34:45check out
34:47the size of that surplus hey yes quite so in five years that's all you've changed don't be a tool
34:54ian
34:54of course not we've also put 1997 here where it used to say 1992 and we've replaced a colon on
35:03page 312 with
35:05a semi-colon mr costello isn't it true that a gst would mean a greater tax burden on low income
35:12earners well durian sorry well it's their own bloody lazy faults for sitting around on their fat asses
35:21all day being poor isn't it ian sorry but uh did i just think that or actually say it out
35:27loud
35:27you actually said it out loud we can cut that moment out can't we
35:31no well why not well it'd be too hard well harder say than uh putting gst on scotch
35:38well lap dancers or guinea pigs and high-class prostitutes
35:44you can consider it cut mr costello thank you for joining us i was good wasn't i i've had better
35:53well
35:56that's all we've got time for tonight but if you want to see me on the weekend why not give
36:00me a
36:00call you could pop around with a pizza and we could watch a video together or maybe just talk about
36:06the
36:06good old times because we really just don't see enough of each other do we these days who knows you
36:12may even want to stay the night we don't have to do anything we could just hold each other
36:18it certainly would be a good night good night
36:33tonight on heartbreak high com cooks up some tagliatelle pescatori for vince guido and drasic do
36:38some tai chi and feng shui with tran and barry wonders what the hell he's doing at heartbreak high
36:43with a name like barry
37:03well i suppose there's no point in delaying the inevitable do you really have to janine
37:10look there's no other way here the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can both get on
37:16with the rest of our lives i know it's it's just so sad where do you want to start okay
37:25how about we
37:26start with the cds all right not my michael bolton okay never liked him anyway what next uh the tv
37:35what do we decide about the tv again we agreed i would keep the tv and you would take the
37:39vcr and
37:40the and you keep the fondue set yeah yeah that's right i can't handle this oh janine janine hey look
37:48i know this is hard this is who i am this is something i have to do
38:03all right
38:09i just want to say you're the nicest burglar i've ever met
38:18go on get out of here thanks
38:33thank you very much for your time and um we'll be in touch thanks
38:37oh jeff let's get a cuppa i'm exhausted absolutely
38:48tough job this interviewing caper is it oh golly yes it seems like everyone in the office
38:53is applying for this position so any frontrunners well yeah um we've got a few very impressive
39:00applications haven't we jeff very impressive tom gracie wouldn't be one would he yeah tom's right
39:06up there you know tom do you i yeah tom and me go way back because i haven't seen much
39:12of him lately
39:12not since he got back on the old what you're saying tom's got a drinking problem not saying a word
39:20no tom's a terrific bloke terrific bloke no wouldn't say a word against him and he's not even in the
39:26same
39:27league as a certain nameless female applicant who may or may not be back on the old karen's using
39:35not saying a word no at the end of the day i'd have to say that karen is a fine
39:39upstanding young
39:40professional woman you know and it's not as if you haven't already got enough problems with a certain
39:45older male executive who may or may not be on the richard on the take not saying a word i
39:54wouldn't
39:54say a bad word against him that man has been like a father to me and i don't care how
39:59much
40:00evidence they got against him i'm willing to go character witness for him in court again
40:06dave tell us what you know about tony not much but apparently
40:13maria and accounts kate
40:19camera
40:26peter
40:30dave you wouldn't by any chance be applying for the job would you
40:37well that's an option yeah um what do you think the chances would be
40:44why's that well we're not saying but we think you're a bit of a
40:53tonight on heartbreak high charlie wakes up to find her mum missing ryan wakes up with a terrible
40:58hangover and sally wakes up with breasts
41:08where are they now number 63 sam newman's next girlfriend
41:26this country it should be a republic
41:32like doing nothing where you been more coffee here excuse me
41:38but where is the phone you just walk right past it here
41:51hello sawtop look where's my cab it's 20 minutes late
42:01sorry mate not with those shoes what you can't come in with those shoes are you joking
42:11all right then
42:17there sorry mate not with that shirt
42:22oh
42:23oh come on sorry
42:26audio
42:32okay no not with those jeans
42:35all right here
42:51no not with those undies
42:55for god's sake
43:19now can i go in
43:20not with those genitalia it's ladies now
43:24okay
43:26okay
43:40you
43:41You
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