- 6 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:05Susie! Great! Thanks for coming by. Please, have a seat.
00:10So, how you been?
00:13Fine. Yourself?
00:14Oh, a little of this, a little of that.
00:18Okay, Susie, this is never easy, but, uh, you're fired.
00:22What? You're kidding me.
00:25Well, you've been late for 22 out of the last 30 days.
00:30Okay, there's an answer for that.
00:33I hate to say anything bad about anyone, but the driver in my carpool is on drugs.
00:41Then there are the suspicious wastebasket fires that seem to follow you from department to department.
00:47Employees smoking. I can give you names if you want them.
00:50How about constantly blaming others for everything that you do wrong?
00:54That's not my fault. That's your fault. You hired me.
00:58Give me that paper back.
01:02Let me know if you need any references.
01:09Have you discussed this with your boss?
01:11No, I don't have to. This isn't Mr. Bell's job. This is my job.
01:14Now just kindly turn in your register key and leave the store.
01:19I can't find my register key. I think someone stole it.
01:22All right, that's it.
01:25Goodbye.
01:34What brings you here, Mimi?
01:36Oh, I guess it's your cloven hooves.
01:39Oh, oh, I'm so hurt. You're really hurting me like I never heard that one before.
01:47Whoops.
01:48Did I just overhear you firing Susie?
01:51Well, I was firing her, but I was thinking of you the whole time.
01:56Drew, play a little game with me. It'll be worth your time.
02:00Oh, goody. Charades. Okay.
02:04I.
02:06I light her.
02:07I light. Oh, I fire. I fired.
02:13Your father. I fired your father.
02:19Oh, okay. Quasimodo. I get it.
02:20Oh, Bell. Oh, Bell. Mr. Bell. I fired Mr. Bell.
02:25I fired Mr. Bell. I fired Mr. Bell's what?
02:32I fired Mr. Bell's pencil sharpener.
02:34Oh, my God.
02:37Moon over. I'll bring my love to me tonight.
02:42Guide her to Cleveland underneath your silvery light.
02:46We're going bowling, so don't lose her in Solon.
02:50Moon over Parma tonight.
02:57Hey, uh, mind if I crack the window just a little bit?
03:00No, it's too cold out.
03:01Oh, yeah. That'd be unhealthy. What was I thinking?
03:05Oh, I heard what you did today, Drew. Good for you.
03:07Yeah, it's all over the store. Firing Mr. Bell's girlfriend.
03:12Way to go, bonehead.
03:14Hey, I did what had to be done.
03:16I don't care who you are or who you know, we have standards in the store.
03:18If you don't meet the standards, you know, you're out.
03:20Did you know she was his girlfriend?
03:22Of course I knew. I know everything that goes on in the store.
03:25I'm, uh, I'm Beck.
03:29So how come you didn't fire any of his other girlfriends?
03:32How many were there?
03:33Oh, there have been dozens. I barely escaped myself.
03:37Uh-huh.
03:39Well, this is just one of many. He probably won't even miss her.
03:42No, apparently he and Susie were getting pretty serious.
03:45He even agreed to do it with her in bridal wear.
03:48How come I don't know any of this stuff?
03:51I eavesdropped at the water cooler.
03:52I even put on my feet in a stall so no one knows I'm there.
03:55What do I got to do, buy a miracle ear?
03:57Well, it was all just rumors.
03:59I mean, you know how often rumors are wrong.
04:02I mean, we heard you were already fired.
04:08And then there's that rumor it's going to be tomorrow.
04:16Hey, Drew. What you doing?
04:18I'm putting up a clothing partition between our homes.
04:25Whoa, nice shirt.
04:27Little lady would love to see me in this.
04:30Can I buy it?
04:31What? No.
04:32Come on, Drew. Be a friend.
04:34No.
04:35Go to the store and buy your own shirt, Jules.
04:37They don't have shirts like this in stores.
04:40I'll give you five bucks.
04:42Drew, Jules?
04:43Kate, Drew won't sell me this shirt.
04:46Drew, sell him this shirt. You have lots of shirts.
04:48What? Am I crazy?
04:51Just can someone leave something outside that means it's for sale?
04:53Oh, look. It's the Washington Monument.
04:55That'll look great in my front yard.
04:57Just leave him a couple of bucks.
04:59What? You got all these shirts and I got nothing?
05:03Get the hell out of my yard, Jules.
05:06Oh, it's like that now.
05:11Great. Now I can't leave him out here.
05:14As long as you're taking those down, can I use this line to hang up my starships?
05:18What, are you putting stuff everywhere?
05:20I'm already, uh, regretting letting you use my house for that sci-fi party.
05:23Drew, you don't even know what a sci-fi party is.
05:25I've been to lots of those.
05:27Well, you know, a few times.
05:29I've got one in college.
05:31Okay, I've never been.
05:33So, uh, who goes to these kind of things anyway?
05:35Well, most of them are checkers like Lewis and me.
05:37And some of them are a little weird, but they're cool.
05:40Plus, there's always a few Star Wars and Babylon 5 fans.
05:44Like, that stuff is real.
05:48You going to the party, Oswald?
05:49Nah, I got a little stardate of my own.
05:51Captain's log, aroused.
05:55You're not planning on taking her back to the apartment, are you?
05:57Yeah, why do you have to mess up our apartment?
05:59Can't you just disappoint her over at her place?
06:02Hey, I may not be good, but at least I'm fast.
06:07Nice. By the time she realizes how bad you are, you're out of there.
06:15Drew, if I tell you something, do you promise not to say it's stupid?
06:20Okay, we can talk about anything you want as long as it's not about work.
06:23Okay.
06:26At work.
06:28What do you think about me pitching Mr. Bell a day spa?
06:31You know, women come in, get facials, manicures, that sort of thing?
06:34Hey, that's a great idea.
06:36Thanks. I'm glad you like it.
06:38You know, I don't want to spend my whole life selling lipstick.
06:40And I really think this could be my big break.
06:42Would you help me pitch it to Mr. Bell?
06:43Yeah, well, you might want to wait a couple days on that.
06:45Uh, I just heard around the office that some dork with black glasses and a death wish
06:49just fired his girlfriend.
06:51Oh, my God, you're kidding. Why would you do that?
06:54Well, you know, I haven't woken up in a cold sweat in weeks,
06:56so I thought, hey, why not fire the boss's girlfriend?
06:59I didn't know it was his girlfriend.
07:00There was a breakdown in office gossip.
07:01Is there no grapevine?
07:05Well, who was it? Tell me. Oh, oh, I know. It's the woman who's always drinking on the job in
07:11shoes.
07:12Someone's drinking in shoes?
07:13Oh, no, I got it. It's that woman who always spits in the perfume testers before she sprays people.
07:17Yes, right?
07:19Oh, use those testers.
07:20Oh, I know. It's that woman who's always trying cartoons of you that make you look ugly and stupid?
07:28Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's the one. What, uh, what was her name again?
07:32Forget it.
07:34People really enjoy those cartoons.
07:36Drew, who was it?
07:38Ah, it was Susie in sportswear.
07:40These people should wear signs around their necks. Don't fire me. I'm doing the boss.
07:50Maybe he'll find someone else.
07:52Yeah, but who?
07:54Oh, I know. Maybe that woman who draws those really funny cartoons. What was her name again?
07:59Well, she signs her work, so you can check the ladies' room.
08:03Oh, yeah? Which one?
08:04All of them.
08:06Which floor?
08:07All of them. Actually, my favorite's on the third floor. It's inside the bowl.
08:16That's not why I was in there. I'm not a pervert. I'm an art lover.
08:19I've left unflattering naked drawings of myself.
08:21Mimi, help me out here.
08:23He's a pervert.
08:25Hey, do I bother you when you go into the men's room to use the urinals?
08:30Those cartoons aren't so realistic.
08:32I don't have flies hanging around my butt.
08:36It's not that funny, Kate.
08:37That's not what I'm smiling at. Mr. Bell loves my spy, dear.
08:40You pitched it. Congratulations.
08:44Yes, Mr. Bell?
08:46I understand you let go of an employee yesterday, Carrie.
08:49Maybe, maybe not. How can I help you?
08:51Apparently, rumors circulating that she and I were somehow connected.
08:56You know there's no place in this company for gossip, Carrie.
09:00Absolutely, sir.
09:01Then there's no truth to that rumor, is there, Mr. Bell?
09:04Do I pry into your business? Hmm?
09:06Do I ever ask you why you keep those catalogues in the middle drawer on the left-hand side of
09:11your desk?
09:14You know, Mr. Bell, I'll be happy to rehire Susie, sir.
09:16No, no, no. I don't want to make a big public spectacle. I'm sure you did the right thing.
09:22I knew you'd feel that way, sir. So I guess it's okay to fire your nephew in housewares.
09:28I don't think that would be a good idea, Carrie.
09:31No, sir. Just making a little joke. Had to see my face for that one.
09:36While I've got you, your friend Kate has a wonderful idea for cosmetics. I think we should all sit down
09:42and talk about it.
09:44Great. When do you want us in?
09:45Why don't we do something different? Where do you people go for drinks?
09:49Drinks? Well, you know, the Warsaw, but I don't know.
09:51Warsaw sounds fine. I'll call Kate, if that little go-getter can tear herself away from the cosmetics counter.
09:59Now, 7.30. Oh, and Carrie, this Warsaw bar, is it the one near the Motel 6?
10:09Um, uh, uh-huh.
10:15Do you know if they rent rooms by the hour?
10:22Uh-huh.
10:25Uh, wow. Ooh. Uh, what do you ask?
10:30No reason.
10:37Excuse me.
10:38Hey, how are you?
10:39Hey, nice costume.
10:41Oh, I'm sorry. I think I stepped on your tendril.
10:45You might want to have that looked at.
10:47Uh-huh.
10:51Permission to enter.
10:53Granted.
10:54Shh.
10:55Shh.
10:59Luis, is there any more beer?
11:00Yeah, in the basement, babe.
11:09Excuse me. I hope you don't mind me saying that you've got your phaser set on stunning.
11:15First sci-fi party, huh?
11:18Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were here with... something.
11:26Hey, Drew. Are you, uh, ready to go?
11:28Yeah, but you're not going dressed like that, are you?
11:30Dressed like this? Have you looked around the room?
11:33Yeah, I'm trying to protect you here. If Bell hits on you and you turn him down, he's gonna make
11:36me fire you.
11:37Drew, I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl. Besides, if he was gonna hit on me, why
11:41would he invite you along?
11:42Three words. Mr. Bell sandwich.
11:46Here's a news flash for you. Mr. Bell may be more interested in you than in your ideas.
11:51Oh, come on.
11:53Kate, I want to tell you something about men that only your best friend would tell you.
11:57Guys will listen to anything if they think it'll help them score.
12:01I mean, guys will pretend to be interested in art, literature, history, politics, romance.
12:05So you mean to tell me that no guy has ever been interested in anything I've ever said?
12:11I'm sorry.
12:15This is so sad, Drew. You don't think I see what's going on? Bell loves my idea and you're just
12:20jealous.
12:21Jealous, please. I could have Bell in a second if I wanted him.
12:26Let's just keep the conversation on business and we'll try to get through this without a disaster.
12:29Fine.
12:34I was old, I thought you had a date.
12:36Oh, she cancelled and so did their DJ song. I thought I'd pick up a few bucks spinning records for
12:40the freaks.
12:42Nice costume.
12:43Who cares? It cost me 75 cents.
12:46Great, and you're just about break even on the gig.
12:49Sorry guys can't stay for the party.
12:50Yeah, well, maybe I'll find a rip in the space-time continuum and I'll be right back.
12:55Oh, look. Here I come now.
13:04It's not too late. I'll give you my pants.
13:06Would you stop it? You're like a slightly less masculine version of my mother.
13:11I'll be here.
13:12Mr. Bell.
13:13See, you made it okay.
13:14Hope we weren't thrown off by that Best Western a block up.
13:17Gee, I hope we didn't keep you waiting.
13:19No, no, no. I had a time to get a few drinks.
13:23A couple of beers.
13:24So, day spa. Let's talk.
13:27Relax, Gary. Let's take some time to get to know each other.
13:32So, Kate, tell me about yourself. Where'd you grow up?
13:36Well, I've lived in Cleveland my whole life.
13:39Boy, I can remember her in elementary school. Spa, spa, spa.
13:43All right, all right. Let's make Drew happy and talk about this day spa.
13:47Uh, what's your angle, Kate?
13:49Well, I see it this way.
13:51We already have the women in there buying makeup
13:54and it seems to me they would buy a lot more in a comfortable, more relaxing, therapeutic environment, Mr. Bell.
14:03Now, keep going. I'm with you.
14:05Help me.
14:08Ah!
14:09Oh, I'm sorry. Was that me?
14:11Oh, I have to go. This isn't even my dress.
14:16No, no. Let me get on top of the waitress to...
14:19Um, and my grandmother died.
14:22No, not Trammy.
14:24No, the other one.
14:27I've got to go. I'm really sorry.
14:29Oh, it's okay. I understand.
14:34Damn it. Did I come on too strong?
14:36No, sir. I think that, uh, Grammy just couldn't say no to gravy.
14:40You're so naive, Gary. So young.
14:44What are you, 50?
14:47Actually, sir, I'm in my 30s.
14:48Come on. That's the booze talking.
14:51Gary, you've got to talk to Kate.
14:54Tell her what a good guy I am. You're her friend. She'll believe you.
14:58Make her go out with me or I don't know what I'll do.
15:02To tell you the truth, sir, I'm not all that comfortable mixing my personal life with my business life.
15:07You know, I was actually doing pretty well mixing my personal life with my business life,
15:11but then the woman I was seeing was fired by, uh, some idiot.
15:16Follow me, Gary?
15:17Yes, sir, and I'll update the idiot later.
15:25Oh, my God.
15:32What happened?
15:33Drew, I can explain. Some people came...
15:36What's this?
15:37It's an ear.
15:41There's ears everywhere.
15:44Let me guess.
15:45Did the Ferengis invade Klingon airspace and start an interplanetary war?
15:49No, we ran out of beer and the freaks went wild.
15:53I tried to stop him, buddy. Look, I'm really sorry about the house.
15:56Hey, he put up a good fight, though.
15:57Hey, I gave one guy three black eyes.
16:00That's it. No more of your weird parties at my place.
16:03And somebody go chop up that pod with the black glasses in the backyard.
16:06It's giving me the creeps.
16:08Drew, what happened with you and Belle? What took you so long?
16:10There's an awful lot of songs about loneliness, Kate.
16:14Boy, did he want to hit on you.
16:15You put me in this position.
16:17If he still had his girlfriend, he wouldn't be going after me.
16:19Oh, yeah? Well, if frogs could fly...
16:22Well, we'd still have this problem, but wouldn't it be cool?
16:27Look, we're both in trouble here.
16:28If we don't do something, we're both going to get fired.
16:31This sucks.
16:33You know, for once I thought I was being taken seriously and it ends up being the same old crap.
16:37You shouldn't have to sleep with someone just to get them to listen to your ideas.
16:40I've done that.
16:42And you know what?
16:42It only works like, I don't know, 50% of the time.
16:46Well, I think it stinks.
16:47And I think anybody who does that is a creep.
16:49You know what Belle wanted me to do?
16:50He wanted me to get you to date him.
16:52Which would be totally out of the question, right?
16:56Yeah, I know.
16:57How dare he?
17:08Gosh, Mimi. It's not like you to destroy food.
17:13I don't know what you did to upset Mr. Belle, but he told me to tell you
17:16that until you supply him with what he requested the other night,
17:18he wants you to go through all the employee evaluations and check for punctuation.
17:23Oh, man. Most of these people don't even work here anymore.
17:26Work here anymore? Most of them are dead.
17:30Oh, on a personal note, Drew, I realize you're going through a difficult time here,
17:34and I just want to let you know that you are alone.
17:44Sorry I'm late, but I got stuck behind the Amish.
17:50You've all been there.
17:52Boy, am I glad to see you, Susie. Please, have a seat.
17:55So, I guess you discovered the truth about all those incidents you were blaming on me?
17:59Oh, the truth is such a gray area.
18:01The fact is, we just missed your bright face walking in here at, oh, whatever time you felt like it
18:05in the morning.
18:07So, how would you like to come back to Winford Lauder?
18:11Can I be Employee of the Month?
18:13Well, actually, that's voted on by all the...
18:15Oh, sure. Okay.
18:17Can I get a handicapped Parkinson's phone?
18:20Well, okay. How much can Mrs. Henderson's oxygen tank weigh anyway?
18:23Let her dog carry it. Welcome back.
18:26And, uh, you might want to go see Mr. Belle right now to let him know you're here.
18:29Hey, everybody. There goes the Handicapped Employee of the Month.
18:36I've got great news.
18:37So do I.
18:38Well, let me go first.
18:39No, let me... Well, pick a number between one and ten.
18:42Oh, six.
18:43Damn. I gotta get a new number.
18:44I just talked to Mr. Belle.
18:46What?
18:47You should have seen me. I was on fire.
18:49I went in there and I told him that I would be happy to work hard for him,
18:52but if he was looking for anything more than that, I'll have to look elsewhere.
18:55How brave of you. Where are you gonna work next?
18:58I went to a day spa.
19:00He went for your idea?
19:01That's right. I told him to look me in the eye,
19:03and he still wanted to look at my chest,
19:05so I met him halfway and I pitched it with him looking somewhere around my neck.
19:10I am really proud of you, Kate.
19:13One day, Mr. Belle's gonna look you right in the chin and say,
19:16welcome to management.
19:20Yes, Mr. Belle.
19:21I'm glad I caught you, Carrie.
19:23Oh, hi, Jerry.
19:24Kate, you're there. Good.
19:25I found just the person to run the day spa.
19:29Susie Clark.
19:31Susie? But she was fired.
19:33Carrie just hired her back.
19:35Good thinking, Carrie.
19:37Uh...
19:37Thank you, sir.
19:38But what about me?
19:40Hey, don't worry.
19:40We'll get you a free day of beauty.
19:43Not that you need one.
19:46Carrie, you work out all the details.
19:48And by the way, I had a hell of a time the other night.
19:53Why end it there?
19:55Did you know that tonight is karaoke night at the Warsaw?
19:57Actually, every Monday night is karaoke night at the Warsaw.
20:02Wonderful.
20:03Meet you at 7.30 then, Carrie, and keep your Mondays open.
20:13You know, if Mr. Belle was still after you
20:16and you just found out that I rehired Susie,
20:17you would love me so much right now.
20:19But I do love you.
20:21And I appreciate what you tried to do.
20:25And now...
20:35You know, if you think I didn't like that, you're wrong.
20:37You know time.
20:42I like that one.
20:51I like that one.
20:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:02I'm out of fact, anyway.
21:04Now you get your hand now, you know?
21:04That's all it's a good one.
21:04Yeah, yeah.
21:05I'll make that one.
21:06And that's the sea.
21:06That peace goes.
21:06You happen if I can pass me off as well.
21:06We're going bowling
21:10So don't lose her in Solon
21:12Moon over Parma tonight
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