- 3 months ago
Herman's dry spell is bothering him. Heddy can't find a good man. Now, she's in his head.Herman's dry spell is bothering him. Heddy can't find a good man.
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00:00What's her name?
00:01Well, as a matter of fact, her name is Melissa, and I gotta admit, it's my first date with her, and I am really looking forward to it.
00:07Oh, you bet we are. We haven't had a date in a long time.
00:10Yeah, even I noticed we've been going through a dry spell lately. When are we gonna get some relief?
00:15For that answer, we have to go to the big guy at the weatherboard. Take it away, big guy.
00:19Thank you, Skip.
00:21Well, folks, what we've been experiencing in the area is an unseasonably dry front throughout the entire area.
00:27This has led to a lot of pressure down in the south around in here.
00:33But we can expect some good news.
00:36Yes, there will be a little relief in the pressure with the arrival of Hurricane Melissa.
00:44So you can expect the mercury to be rising and falling, rising and falling, rising and falling throughout the night.
00:51Thank you. Back to you, Skip.
00:53Thank you, Flip. I hope that forecast won't put a grip into your vacation plans.
00:57Not me. I've got four-wheel drive.
01:02Four-wheel drive? Isn't that dangerous?
01:06In other news, a man was tied to the back of a four-wheel drive truck today and dragged through the streets, screaming,
01:13Wait, why are you doing this to me?
01:15Wait! Why are you doing this to me?
01:17This city is exciting.
01:22Dangerous.
01:23Troubled.
01:25That woman's not wearing underwear.
01:27Is that all you can think about?
01:29Food and sex?
01:31Yes. Please, focus.
01:33Look out!
01:34No time for small talk. We're late.
01:47Petty, hold the elevator.
01:49Petty!
01:49I think Louise is so sweet.
01:59I think this woman is wearing underwear.
02:02I think there's too many people in this elevator.
02:04And I think you are all idiots.
02:07It's gonna work.
02:08Oh, Herman has a date tonight.
02:34Something must be in the air.
02:35I just got a call from Michael.
02:37Well, is that the guy you were so hung up on last year?
02:39Yeah, I was really crazy about him, but he didn't want the same thing I did.
02:43Now, it seems like he does.
02:45I'm gonna see him tonight.
02:46I think this could be it.
02:47Good for you.
02:50Hey, hey, Jay.
02:51Oh, before you ask, the answer is no.
02:53I can't do anything with you tonight because I have a date.
02:56Oh, well, what a coinkydink.
02:58I have a date, too.
02:59You want to double?
02:59Jay, Melissa is a very classy woman.
03:01I don't want to double with you and one of your bimbos.
03:03Herman, I'm going out with Jay tonight.
03:06Are you calling me a bimbo?
03:08No, of course not.
03:10No, it's just one, so I want him to be a bimbo.
03:13Wait a minute, wait a minute.
03:15You guys are going out again?
03:17Yeah, well, you know, we've both been kind of lonely since the breakup.
03:21We're still pretty good friends, so...
03:22I figured we'd see if maybe we weren't a little hasty breaking, huh?
03:26Really?
03:26Well, that's some big news.
03:27Well, I hope that you have a good time with your bimbo.
03:34Thank you, Herman.
03:37Well, good night, people.
03:38It's my anniversary.
03:39I'm going home to my wife.
03:41Oh.
03:42Are you going to do something special tonight?
03:44Didn't you hear?
03:45I said I'm going home to my wife.
03:51How about that?
03:52You and Louise have a date?
03:52Hattie has a date?
03:53I have a date.
03:53Even Mr. Bracken is going home to his wife.
03:56I guess love is in the air.
03:57Hey, Herman, it's for you.
03:58It's Melissa, line two.
04:00Oh.
04:01Hi, how are you?
04:04Oh, I'm so sorry.
04:06That's terrible.
04:07Well, maybe I could come to the funeral with you.
04:10And then maybe afterward we could go out for pizza.
04:13I mean, after all, life is for the living.
04:16Hello?
04:18Hello?
04:19How could you even suggest that?
04:21The poor woman's aunt just died.
04:22I can't help it.
04:23We haven't had a woman in weeks.
04:24And the dry spell continues with no end in sight.
04:29On a more humorous note...
04:33Everything all right, Herman?
04:40Yeah, yeah.
04:42Just thinking about being dragged by a rope from a four-by-four.
04:46Yeah, me too.
04:48Oh, well, home to the wife.
04:58Here, the fiddler crab scampers across a fish carcass,
05:02deriving protein from the rotting sand dab.
05:04Oh, my God.
05:07We're a rotting sand dab.
05:10Isn't that so lonely?
05:12Isn't there someone we could call?
05:13Well, there's always phone sex.
05:16I want companionship.
05:18I want something real.
05:19What's real?
05:20Those phone sex babes are hot.
05:23Those phone babes are built like you
05:26and live in a trailer park somewhere in the Midwest.
05:28No.
05:33But we agreed not to tell him that
05:34until he was old enough to understand.
05:36Hey, come on.
05:36It's all right.
05:44Eddie, you okay?
05:45I don't want to talk about it.
05:46Just give me my extra key, Herman.
05:48What happened to your key?
05:50I was in such a rush to get out of that guy's apartment
05:52that I left my purse.
05:53He didn't hurt you or anything, did he?
05:55No.
05:56Not physically.
05:58Well, would you like something to drink
06:00or are you going to watch TV?
06:01They're ripping the lid off this whole fiddler crab thing.
06:05What is it with you guys?
06:06You'll say anything you think we want to hear
06:07just to get inside of our pants.
06:09Eddie, if I wanted to get inside of your pants,
06:11I wouldn't have brought up crabs.
06:18Talking about him, not you.
06:21Boy, he had me fooled.
06:23Look, he knew exactly what I wanted to hear.
06:25Eddie, I'm ready to settle down.
06:28Eddie, I think I could get serious about you.
06:30Eddie, here's a hundred dollars.
06:32Go buy yourself something nice.
06:33No.
06:35What'd you get?
06:36These shoes.
06:36You like them?
06:37Oh.
06:38Great.
06:39Why can't men just be honest?
06:40If a guy wants to have sex,
06:42why does he have to play games and lie?
06:44And why doesn't the guy just say,
06:45I want to have sex and nothing more?
06:47You know, maybe that's all I want, too.
06:49At least that way, I'd know where I stand.
06:52It'll be okay, Eddie.
06:53There are nice guys out there,
06:55and one of these days, you'll find one.
06:57You're right, Herman.
06:58I know there are nice guys.
07:00You're one of them.
07:01Huh.
07:03You gonna be okay?
07:04Yeah, I'm gonna go upstairs and go to bed.
07:08Thanks, Herman.
07:09Sure.
07:09I can still smell her perfume.
07:18Uh-oh, he's picked up the scent.
07:20I want her!
07:22I want her, too, but just for companionship.
07:24But what if Hedy doesn't want us?
07:27I think perhaps she does.
07:30Did you or did you not
07:31go down to the apartment of Herman Brooks tonight?
07:34I did.
07:35And what did you say about him?
07:37Well, I told him he was a nice guy.
07:38The kind of nice guy
07:40you would like to be with?
07:42Well, I suppose it could sound that way.
07:44And did you not say,
07:45why can't a man just come right out and say,
07:47I want to have sex and nothing more,
07:49maybe that's all I want, too?
07:51Okay, I said it.
07:53And then what did you do?
07:54I kissed him, okay?
07:56I kissed him!
07:58You want Herman Brooks, don't you?
08:00Oh, God, yes, I admit I want him.
08:03I've always got Herman Brooks.
08:05No one does it to me like Herman.
08:06I rest my case.
08:16Who is it?
08:19Herman.
08:22What is it, Herman?
08:22I'm getting ready to go to sleep.
08:24I want to have sex and nothing more.
08:28What?
08:28You said you wished a man would come right out and say it,
08:30and I'm saying it.
08:30I want to have sex and nothing more.
08:33Oh, Herman, you really mean it?
08:35You really want to have sex and nothing more?
08:37Oh, this is like a dream come true.
08:39I mean, what woman wouldn't want to have
08:4130 seconds of unbridled, grunting passion with you?
08:45Then get out of here before I call your mommy
08:47and tell her what you said.
08:49Go ahead, call my mom.
08:51I'll deny everything.
08:52I'll deny everything.
08:52I feel so humiliated, so embarrassed, so alive.
09:04This is all your fault.
09:06But you heard what she said.
09:08I said you were a nice guy.
09:09That doesn't mean I want to sleep with you.
09:11In fact, it usually means the opposite.
09:13You kissed us.
09:15Yeah, well, I also kissed my stepfather,
09:17but that doesn't mean...
09:18Oh, wait, bad example.
09:22Hetty has humiliated us many times over the years,
09:25but this takes the cake.
09:26There's cake?
09:28No, there's no cake,
09:30and from now on, there's no Hetty either.
09:32We are never going to open ourselves up to her
09:34or have anything to do with her
09:35in a non-professional capacity again.
09:37You got that?
09:37Okay, it's going to be tough, though.
09:40I mean, on the one hand,
09:40Hetty is incredible looking,
09:42but on the other hand,
09:43she insulted our manhood.
09:45But on the other hand, there's cake.
09:46There is no cake,
09:49and we are done with Hetty.
09:50Give me that.
09:54What do you want?
09:55Well, I came down to apologize.
09:56I was angry at men in general,
09:58and I took it out on you.
09:59Yeah.
09:59Well, whatever.
10:00Good night, Hetty.
10:01The truth is,
10:02you were there for me when I needed you,
10:03and I wanted to thank you for that.
10:05I'm sorry for what I said.
10:07Apology accepted.
10:08Good night, Hetty.
10:09Wait, I have one more thing to say.
10:11See, when you came up to my apartment
10:13and said you wanted to have sex,
10:14you really got through me.
10:16But now that I'm thinking about it...
10:21I think I'm growing another hand.
10:25No, absolutely not.
10:26We'll just be humiliated again.
10:28You freak.
10:31I don't think so, Hetty.
10:32Anytime I let my guard down around you
10:34and let myself think it's going to be okay,
10:35it always comes back around to bite me in the ass.
10:38I thought you'd like that.
10:39Please, leave.
10:44Okay, I guess it was a mistake.
10:47Oh, I'm sorry, big guy,
10:49but we had to do it.
10:50Messing with Hetty is just asking for trouble.
10:52So we didn't have sex tonight.
10:53There are plenty of other things
10:54we can do to take our mind off it.
10:56One of the most sexually wanton
10:58of all crustaceans,
11:00the fiddler crab mates up to 18 times a day.
11:06Hetty's running water.
11:07I bet she's taking a bath.
11:10Oh, I wish I had someone to wash my back.
11:14No, don't do it.
11:16I can't resist.
11:19You must not disobey.
11:25Stop it.
11:26Let him go.
11:27Why do you care so much about this?
11:28Look, any involvement with Hetty is stupid,
11:31but clearly we're not going to be able
11:32to think about anything else
11:33until he gets what he wants.
11:34So let him go.
11:36No.
11:42Come on, let's go.
11:43Wait a minute.
11:44I don't know if we should.
11:48Sorry, I couldn't resist.
11:54Bima's up directly to Hetty's apartment.
12:08Is Hetty here?
12:11It's me.
12:12Yeah, yeah, I know.
12:13Look, I'm sorry, I...
12:16I'm going to go wash this off.
12:22I can wash it off later.
12:25Hetty, I...
12:26Hi, Herman.
12:37Louise!
12:38What are you doing here?
12:39Well, things didn't go well with Jay,
12:41so I came over to talk to Hetty about men.
12:44I didn't know I'd be interrupting something.
12:46We can't let Louise know why we're here.
12:52Right.
12:54Why?
12:56Remember last time we got together with Hetty?
12:58All our friends teased us endlessly.
13:00Right.
13:01We have to cover.
13:02Hetty, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
13:05You come down,
13:06you take my pedestal thing without asking.
13:10All you do is take advantage of my good nature.
13:13You are a selfish, inconsiderate user.
13:16Oh, whine, whine, whine.
13:18Do you ever stop whining?
13:19Oh, no.
13:21Now, you see?
13:22You see, she's turned on me before.
13:23When her date went badly,
13:24and she needed somebody's shoulder to cry on,
13:26she was my best friend.
13:27What about you?
13:28You only came here because you wanted something from me.
13:31There is nothing I want from you.
13:32Oh, well, good,
13:33because you're not going to get it.
13:35Tramp.
13:35Loser.
13:35Bitch.
13:36Woof.
13:38Well, Louise,
13:39does that explain why I'm here?
13:41Yeah, it does.
13:42That explains everything,
13:43except for the green stuff all over your face.
13:47Yes, well,
13:49Hetty,
13:50little selfish Hetty,
13:52borrowed my green stuff
13:55without asking,
13:56so I'm trying to get it back.
13:59Give me that.
14:11Well,
14:11you can all thank me now
14:13for bailing us out of that jam.
14:15I think I was rather convincing.
14:17Maybe too convincing.
14:18What if Hetty thought we were serious?
14:20She said some pretty rough things to her,
14:21and she didn't seem to take it too well.
14:23She really gave us a tongue lashing.
14:25She did?
14:26What do we owe her?
14:30Oh, good.
14:32Hetty got rid of Louise.
14:33Now maybe she's coming down here to us.
14:34Come on.
14:34Oh, let me explain something.
14:36We don't want to have anything to do with Hetty.
14:37She's too much grief.
14:38Let me explain something.
14:40Shut the hell up.
14:44I wasn't sure if you were coming.
14:45Well, you should have more faith.
14:47Jay, what are you doing here?
14:49Oh, I just made a huge mistake with Louise.
14:52You didn't give her shrimp, did you?
14:54Worse.
14:55I told her I still care about her,
14:56and I want to give it another try,
14:57and she said she doesn't want to.
14:59We broke up if it was mutual.
15:00I just ruined that.
15:01We no longer have mutuality.
15:04Jay, that's terrible.
15:06Well, see you tomorrow.
15:07Wait a minute.
15:08Wait a minute.
15:08There's an imbalance here.
15:09You see that?
15:10I can't be friends with her now.
15:11I told her I want to give it another try.
15:13Here's what you do, Jay.
15:14Don't speak to her.
15:15It always works.
15:16You'll get your mutuality back.
15:17Don't speak to her.
15:18Don't speak to anyone.
15:19Hey, listen.
15:19You can start by not speaking to me.
15:24All right.
15:25We got rid of Jay.
15:25Let's go up to Hetty's apartment.
15:26Oh, the SATs?
15:28But I'm in my pajamas.
15:30Sleep and wake up.
15:31Come on.
15:32Right, right.
15:34What are we doing?
15:34We're going to Hetty's apartment.
15:36Now, come on.
15:36That better not be Jay,
15:39or it's our turn to give him a tongue lashing.
15:43Hey.
15:44Nice going, little fella.
15:45You have a disgusting image,
15:47but I'd like to see you're taking chances.
15:50Look, I told you not.
15:52Oh, I knew it.
15:53You aren't mad at me.
15:54No, I'm not.
15:55Are you mad at me?
16:02I guess not.
16:04I know I had to say all those things
16:05so Louie's going to get the wrong idea about it.
16:07I know, me too.
16:08But I can admit some of the things you said
16:10did kind of hit home.
16:11Well, I had to put an element of truth in it.
16:13So, you really think I whine a lot?
16:16Do you really think I'm selfish and inconsiderate?
16:19You got to admit,
16:19you can't be a little self-centered.
16:21Oh, you were such a baby.
16:23Tramp.
16:23Loser.
16:24Bitch.
16:24What?
16:24I am so turned on right now.
16:26Me too.
16:28I was thinking about the advice you...
16:30What are you doing?
16:41Hmm?
16:42Oh, thinking.
16:45What are you doing here?
16:46Oh, um...
16:48I got locked out.
16:50A what?
16:51The Mustang Ranch?
16:54From running to borrow my key.
16:57Uh, heavy.
16:57I already gave you your key.
16:59Remember?
17:00Oh, uh...
17:01Right.
17:01It's stuck in the door.
17:02I need some pliers.
17:03Oh, right.
17:04Sure.
17:05Happens all the time.
17:05All right.
17:07There you go.
17:08Thanks.
17:09Sure.
17:09Yeah.
17:10See ya.
17:10Oh, well, I am beat.
17:14I don't think I'm gonna be getting to bed.
17:16May.
17:17May.
17:18Did you see how she looked in that outfit?
17:21No, I didn't notice.
17:22May.
17:23You didn't notice?
17:25You didn't see the way she was dressed.
17:28Oh, man.
17:31I'm attracted to Hetty.
17:32This is good.
17:32This is good news on the mutuality front.
17:34I can get past the Louise thing.
17:36Hetty's outfit is right.
17:38There are plenty of hot women out there.
17:40Oh, man.
17:41You really didn't see the way she was...
17:43Good night, Jay.
17:47Can we please go up to Hetty's apartment now?
17:50I told you how I feel about this.
17:51You can count me out.
17:53Count me out, too.
17:55All right, fine.
17:55Me and him will go.
17:56Nah, it's been a long night.
17:58Let's just call it a night.
17:59Besides, you can't go anywhere without all of us.
18:02Okay, fine.
18:04Then you're coming with me.
18:05And you're coming with me.
18:07And you're coming with me!
18:10Oh, Herman.
18:15Thank God you're home.
18:17Listen, have you seen Jay?
18:18Uh, yeah.
18:19He just left.
18:20Run.
18:20You can catch him.
18:21Run, run, run, run.
18:22Herman, don't try to push me out of the apartment.
18:24Herman, God, you're worse than Hetty.
18:27What can I do for you, Louise?
18:28I want you to tell me what Jay said to you.
18:30Well, first, he said he didn't know if he could be friends with you because he liked you more than you liked him.
18:35Oh, thank God I'm not too late.
18:36You see, Hetty told me I should give him another chance.
18:39Yeah, and then Hetty's clothes convinced him that there were other women out there and he could just be friends with you.
18:43Oh, God, I am too late.
18:45Herman, what am I going to do?
18:46There's no mutuality.
18:49Well, you know, what you need to do, Louise, is get on that phone and call Jay right now and settle this thing.
18:56What'll I say?
18:58Oh, I think you know what to say.
19:01I'll give you plenty of privacy.
19:07You just pick up the phone and go.
19:15Jay, what are you doing?
19:17Oh, I was going to fix Hetty's lock, but I don't see any key in it.
19:21It's the outfit, isn't it?
19:23Me.
19:26What are you doing here?
19:27I came to get my pliers back.
19:30Oh.
19:31Here.
19:31Great.
19:32How are we going to get rid of Jay now?
19:33It's easy.
19:34We'll just have to make something up again.
19:36Oh, oh, let me handle this.
19:37Now, are you sure that you can say something that will make Jay go away?
19:41Trust me.
19:44Jay, I've been thinking.
19:45We don't talk nearly enough.
19:48What do you mean?
19:49We don't share our thoughts, our feelings.
19:52Let's open up to each other.
19:55What the hell are you talking about?
19:58Jay, have you ever hugged a man?
20:00Petty?
20:08Jay, will you get out of here already?
20:10It's not Jay.
20:11It's Herman.
20:13Oh.
20:13Hi, Herman.
20:14Well, Jay is gone.
20:15Louise is gone.
20:16So?
20:17It's just you and me.
20:18I'll tell you the truth, Herman.
20:20I'm not really in the mood anymore.
20:21Oh, really?
20:23Would it help if I started fighting with you?
20:25I don't know.
20:25Give it a try.
20:27You selfish, unfeeling slut.
20:31How was that?
20:31Yeah, that just made me mad.
20:34Maybe if I called you names, you spineless, rube of a loser.
20:36Wait, wait, wait.
20:37I didn't say it was okay.
20:38Oh, it does.
20:40Herman, I think maybe just the time has passed.
20:42Oh, damn it.
20:43Hedy, we've been running back and forth all night.
20:45Now you see nothing's going to come of it?
20:47Oh, well, the hell with this.
20:49The hell with you.
20:50That worked.
20:53I'm going to go change.
20:54I'll be right back.
20:55Okie dokie.
21:05I'm sleepy.
21:07No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:08We've come too far.
21:09I'm sleepy, too.
21:11No, no, you can't do this to me.
21:12We can stay awake.
21:14We can stay awake.
21:15Oh, I'm sorry, big guy.
21:17It's been a long night.
21:18We've expended a lot of energy running around.
21:22I can't help you.
21:35Okay, everybody wake up.
21:38Please wake up.
21:40She's in the outfit and she's here.
21:43She's here and she's in the outfit.
21:48No.
21:50No.
21:53No.
21:55No.
21:56No.
22:05Four, three, two.
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