- 4 weeks ago
The chairman of the publishing company, Mr. Waterton, dies. This creates a power vacuum, and two characters, Mr. Crawford and Mr. Harris, immediately vie for control of the company.
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FunTranscript
00:00It's exciting.
00:01Dangerous.
00:03Troubled.
00:05That woman's not wearing underwear.
00:07Is that all you can think about?
00:09Food and sex?
00:11Yes.
00:11Please, focus.
00:13Look out!
00:20Hey, it's Jack!
00:23No time for small talk, we're late.
00:27Petty, hold the elevator.
00:29Petty.
00:30I think Louise is so sweet.
00:39I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:42I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:44And I think you are all idiots.
00:47That's gonna work!
00:48Which is why I think the research computer system needs to be updated.
01:05Herman here has come up with several options that will ease the transition.
01:20Herman?
01:21Well, first of all...
01:22Clap it up, Sherman.
01:23I have the attention span of a five-year-old.
01:27Just a second, Jim.
01:28If this is gonna cost money, a new computer might not be the way to go.
01:31Oh, damn it, Harris.
01:32It'll be like Star Trek.
01:33The computer will talk to us, right, Sherman?
01:35I don't think so, Mr. Crawford.
01:36What the hell are you wasting my time for?
01:39Well, it will increase productivity in the long run.
01:42So, where's my golf bag?
01:44Not so fast.
01:46This is an expensive proposition.
01:48All right.
01:48All right.
01:49We'll ask old man Watterton.
01:51Well, Watterton, what's it gonna be?
01:57Good God.
01:58This man's dead.
01:58Bracken, you bored him to death.
02:05All right.
02:05Everyone calm down.
02:06I'll call for an ambulance.
02:07Get him on!
02:08Get him on!
02:09Ah, Louise, calm down.
02:10Everything's gonna be okay.
02:12But a man died touching me!
02:15I can't believe this.
02:17You're right.
02:17I thought for sure Bracken would go first.
02:20For God's sake, man, get some exercise.
02:24Louise, didn't you notice something was wrong?
02:26I thought he was just being a victim.
02:28Move him out, Sherman.
02:31He's starting to go bad.
02:34Just a minute, Crawford.
02:35You don't give orders.
02:36You're not in charge.
02:37We'll see about that.
02:40Um, I guess I'll take him to the lobby and wait for the ambulance.
02:44Oh, the poor man.
02:45I can't believe he's dead.
02:47Is that a Rolex?
02:48Come and wait up.
02:56God, what a boring funeral.
02:58Eddie, what were you expecting?
03:01The guy was loaded.
03:02You'd think he'd spring for a band or a magician or something.
03:06Eddie, it's a funeral, not a party.
03:09When I die, there is gonna be dancing.
03:11There is gonna be a celebration.
03:12You're telling me.
03:13Eddie's right, that funeral was a drag.
03:19Didn't Waterton know any babies born in this century?
03:22I sit next to this old woman who went on and on about how the talkies ruined her acting career.
03:28Well, I'm sure wherever he is, Mr. Waterton is just a little bit sadder knowing you didn't score at his funeral.
03:33Oh, God, Jay, no.
03:41Define score.
03:43I can't deal with this.
03:44Next time you feel like sharing something intimate with me, don't.
03:47Does she have a friend for you?
03:50Goodbye, Jay.
03:52Can't believe Mr. Waterton's gone.
03:54Who's gonna replace him?
03:55Well, from what I hear, there's gonna be a power struggle between Crawford and Harris.
03:59But that shouldn't affect the research department.
04:01Let's just keep our noses clean and stick to our business.
04:07Research.
04:09I'll tell him.
04:11Herman, that was Mr. Crawford.
04:13He wants you to meet him.
04:14He's in the elevator.
04:25We make our move tonight.
04:27What move?
04:28Now that the old coot's dead, I'm ready to take over.
04:32Well, coot, sir, you were a pallbearer at his funeral.
04:35You cried as you placed the casket in the grave.
04:37Sherman, how long must I grieve?
04:40At the end of the day would be nice.
04:44I have a plan to ensure my appointment as president of this company, and I need your help.
04:49I appreciate that you want to include me.
04:51I'm having an informal meeting with my supporters.
04:53Be there.
04:55We meet at midnight.
04:56My office.
04:58This can't do a meeting at midnight.
05:00She's right.
05:01It'll be dark out.
05:04No, no, no.
05:05There's something suspicious at the meetings at midnight.
05:07Our career is my department, and I say we're going.
05:09And I say we're not.
05:11Every time we get involved with profit, it's nothing but trouble.
05:13And career advancement is not enough of a reason to get behind that maniac.
05:16I agree.
05:17If we're going to get behind anyone, it's going to be a woman.
05:20Shot one of those nice pear-shaped butts.
05:23Nice pear cassava melons.
05:26Pizza, ice cream, sundae, and cake!
05:30That's a switch.
05:31I'm hungrier than I'm horny.
05:32Is this your desk?
05:38Yes.
05:39What do you do?
05:40I do everything.
05:43What do you do?
05:44I do all her work while she's out doing everything.
05:48Harris, why the hell are you poking around in my department without my permission?
05:53Just taking a few notes.
05:54What do you estimate it costs to run this office?
05:57That's my business, Harris.
05:58Well, not really.
05:59See, I'm putting together my proposal on how I'd cut costs if I were installed as president
06:03of this company.
06:04And just what is your proposal?
06:06Well, it seems to me we could save a fortune if we used an outside research company.
06:15He's going to cut our whole department!
06:17All right, all right, let's not panic.
06:19He's not president of the company yet.
06:21There are other candidates.
06:22Yeah, Crawford.
06:23All right, all right, let's panic.
06:26Our friends need us, and the only way to help them is to help Mr. Crawford.
06:31But I thought you said, every time we get involved with Crawford, it's nothing but trouble.
06:34But what about our friends?
06:35We've got to do this.
06:37Ask nicely.
06:39Please, can we help Mr. Crawford?
06:42Nicer.
06:44Pretty please.
06:46And who is the king of the brain?
06:47You are?
06:52And who is a sissy-faced dodo bird?
06:55I am.
06:59Who else is a sissy-faced dodo bird?
07:02I am.
07:03Fine.
07:03We'll help Crawford.
07:05Mr. Crawford, it's me, Sherman.
07:07I'm in.
07:08Mr. Crawford?
07:19Mr. Crawford?
07:20Quiet, Sherman.
07:22Codenames only.
07:23Call me...
07:25Tinkerbell.
07:26And I'll call you...
07:28Herman.
07:30I don't know, dear.
07:31What's that stuff all over your face?
07:32It's burnt cork.
07:34On the weekends, I appear with a traveling minstrel show.
07:36Really?
07:36Of course not.
07:37That'll be lunacy.
07:40We're here to plan a Watergate-style breaking.
07:42Watergate-style?
07:43You mean where we get caught, sent to prison, and find lucrative book deals?
07:47I like your optimism.
07:49Let's take it one step at a time.
07:52Sit.
07:54Mr. Crawford, I...
07:55I'm sorry, Tinkerbell.
07:59Where is everyone?
08:00I thought this was a meeting of all your supporters.
08:02It is.
08:03What are we doing here?
08:07I need to get the goods on Roger Harris.
08:09Good?
08:10He's robbing the company blind.
08:11He's a shark.
08:12He's a great white shark.
08:14Well, I, on the other hand, am a hammerhead.
08:17So where do I come here?
08:18You?
08:19Well, you're a pilot fish.
08:21That's not what I meant.
08:22Would you rather be a sea cow and get eaten alive?
08:24I don't think it would be right to break into Harris' office.
08:28I'm a managing editor, dammit.
08:30I can go into any office I choose.
08:31And what do you need me for?
08:33Go be the lookout.
08:34I don't want to be caught.
08:37So what if you're wrong about Harris?
08:39Not wrong.
08:39I've known about his thievery for months.
08:41But like a cat, I waited to make the right move.
08:47Well, I thought you were a fish.
08:49I, I guess I'm half cat and half fish.
08:54I'm a catfish.
08:57Herman, are you with me?
08:59This all sounds so immoral.
09:01I'm in.
09:03Not that kind of immoral.
09:05I'm out.
09:08Look, the fact is we haven't done anything wrong.
09:10He just wants us to stand in the hallway.
09:12I'm for it.
09:13We will help Mr. Crawford become the next president of this company
09:15and save our friend's job.
09:19Besides, Crawford thinks there's double dealing.
09:24He also thinks he's a catfish.
09:27Herman, are you ready to go?
09:29I'm ready.
09:30I appreciate your support.
09:32And when this is all over, I promise I'll take care of you.
09:35Let's go.
09:39What's with the hat?
09:40Oh, I've had this since my army days.
09:43I was wearing it when I got shot, captured, and tortured.
09:46It's my lucky hat.
09:49What are you doing, Annie?
09:56Just printed out a new resume.
09:57We're going to need it if we have to find new jobs.
09:59Could you check us for typos?
10:00I'd be glad to.
10:02Annie, you spent five years as a fiber optic neurosurgeon?
10:05Come on, Louise.
10:08Everyone pads their resume a little.
10:10Yeah, you're right.
10:11I did the same thing.
10:12Look at this.
10:14Work experience.
10:15Two years as assistant researcher at Watson Publishing.
10:19Louise, this isn't padded.
10:20Like hell it is, and I've only been here a year and nine months.
10:23How am I kidding?
10:26They're going to see right through my scam.
10:28Don't worry, Louise.
10:29I'm sure you'll find a job that doesn't require any skill.
10:32And I'm sure you'll survive, Eddie.
10:34Somehow you always manage to land on your back.
10:38It's a gift.
10:41The one I'm worried about, actually, is Mr. Bracken.
10:44I mean, we're young, we're resilient, but him, when he hits the pavement, what?
10:50Good morning, Mr. Bracken.
10:51How's he going?
10:53It's a beautiful day out, isn't it, sir?
10:56Oh, I'm fine.
10:58Thank you for asking.
11:00He's doing much better than he was yesterday.
11:03Hey, everybody.
11:05Hi, Herman.
11:05Any good job, Louise?
11:06We don't need to look for another job.
11:08We're not going to be fired.
11:09That's not what I hear.
11:10If Harris gets in, we're out.
11:12Yeah, well, don't worry about Harris.
11:13He's not going to be running this company.
11:15You know something we don't know?
11:16Just a hunch.
11:17I'm innocent!
11:18I'm innocent, I tell you!
11:20Hey, what's going on out there?
11:21I did not embezzle one dime from this company!
11:25Just a minute.
11:26I am vice president of this company.
11:28At least allow me the dignity of putting a jacket over my head.
11:33Looks like you were right, Herman.
11:35Happy to help.
11:37Help?
11:37What'd you do?
11:38Nothing, Eddie.
11:39It's just an expression.
11:41Hey, you hear the news?
11:42I heard it.
11:43We saw it.
11:44The police arrested Harris for embezzlement.
11:45That's old news, pal.
11:47I heard someone plant a file in his office.
11:49Security's going through the surveillance tape right now.
11:51Surveillance tape?
11:52Yeah.
11:53I'm more hitting video cameras in this building than I got in my bedroom.
11:57So you think they have this guy on tape?
11:59Well, that's what the police are hoping.
12:06Mr. Crawford?
12:07Oh, there you are, Sherman.
12:08What happened to your office?
12:10It's no longer my office.
12:11You've been fired?
12:12No.
12:13I am now the top dog.
12:15And as promised, you are my executive liaison in charge of corporate affairs.
12:20What's that?
12:21I don't know.
12:21I just made it up.
12:23What are all the sheets for?
12:25So I can unveil your new office.
12:30I have a flare for the dramatic.
12:32Presenting your desk.
12:35Mr. Crawford, people are saying Harris was set up.
12:38Your pen and pencil set.
12:39They say that you planted a file in his office.
12:42Your naming place.
12:48Mr. Crawford, they're on to us.
12:50Security has a surveillance tape of me standing lookout.
12:53Not since Norman the Night Watchman became head of security, they don't.
12:56Welcome aboard, Sherman.
13:02I don't like this at all.
13:04You heard Crawford.
13:05He destroyed the evidence.
13:06We're in the clear.
13:06What if we get caught?
13:08What is your problem?
13:09We have an office.
13:10We have a desk.
13:11We have a pen and pencil set.
13:12What are you so afraid of?
13:14Pretty much everything.
13:17Well, Sherman?
13:19I'm aboard.
13:20Good.
13:21Good.
13:21Ah, just one more thing.
13:24Your new secretary.
13:30Make that my new secretary.
13:40There's no job here.
13:41Can't you see that?
13:42Oh, don't be ridiculous.
13:44I'm sure some work will come down the pike.
13:47No, he's right.
13:48Crawford obviously created this job to pay us off for helping him in his illicit activities.
13:53What's done is done.
13:54Besides, it's quite possible that Crawford is completely on the up and up.
13:57Sherman, shred this.
13:59Yes, sir.
14:00Anything else?
14:01From now on, we tape all phone calls.
14:04Yes, sir.
14:04And on your way home, take this to the bus station and give it to a man named Cookie.
14:09You're right.
14:10We're doing God's work.
14:14Hi, Herman.
14:15Wow, wow.
14:16Nice office.
14:18Thanks.
14:19Oh, by the way, I heard you're looking for an assistant, and I know someone who's a hard worker, and I might add, irresistibly cute.
14:25Louise, you're asking to be my assistant?
14:27Not me.
14:28Mr. Bracken.
14:29Mr. Bracken is irresistibly cute.
14:32Would you hire him if I said he was gruff and annoying?
14:35What are you talking about?
14:36Mr. Bracken has a job.
14:37Not anymore.
14:38None of us do.
14:39Mr. Crawford's dismantled the entire research department.
14:42We've all been fired.
14:44Harris was going to let people go, not Crawford.
14:46Yeah, well, your buddy Crawford's down, turning the entire 26th floor into his office.
14:50What?
14:50He wouldn't do that.
14:52Sherman's office.
15:00Mr. Bracken?
15:01It's me.
15:02It's me, Louise.
15:03You got a job?
15:05I'm so proud of you.
15:08Oh, no thanks.
15:10No, I really don't need to buy any vitamins.
15:14Yes, I understand you work on commission, but I can't afford it.
15:17All right, all right, I'll take some ages.
15:19Get off my back.
15:22I don't care if it's a supporting wall.
15:24That's where I want my fountain.
15:28Mr. Crawford, I have to talk to you.
15:30Chairman, welcome to my office.
15:31Mr. Crawford, I helped you take over this company to save my friend's jobs in the research room.
15:36Well, you're still employed here, and Hoppy's still here.
15:38Hoppy!
15:39Okay, so how about bone walls with a flush-clutch trim and blood-red carpet?
15:43Oh, God, no, that's the way my house is decorated.
15:46I'd never feel like I was getting away.
15:48Okay, then how about...
15:49Eddie, what are you doing?
15:50I'm his decorator.
15:52Jim, how do you feel about gothic pictures in there?
15:55What are you doing in Mr. Bracken's office?
15:57It's not Mr. Bracken's office anymore.
15:58It's now Mr. Crawford's toilet.
16:00Mr. Bracken spent 25 years sitting in that room.
16:05So, well, Mr. Crawford.
16:07Eddie, how can you do this?
16:08What about Louise and Mr. Bracken?
16:10Did you think about them before you took your job?
16:12Yes, I did.
16:13Well, I guess that's the difference between you and me.
16:16Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do.
16:19Mr. Crawford wants a skylight right here.
16:22Eddie, there are 20 floors above this.
16:24Like I said, I've got a lot of work to do.
16:30Mr. Crawford, you cannot dismantle the whole research room.
16:33I'm making it better.
16:34Putting a bathroom in there and a skylight up there.
16:37My God, you're worse than Harris.
16:40Well, don't badmouth Harris.
16:41He had quite a few good ideas.
16:43It's a shame I had to squash him like a bug.
16:46Mr. Crawford, I demand that you hire back the entire research department right now.
16:50You what?
16:51I respect your loyalty, but it's misplaced.
16:53I don't need you loyal to them.
16:55I need you loyal to me.
16:56Look, I've done a lot of things this past week that I'm ashamed of,
16:59but I did them to help my friends.
17:00Now, they're out in the street.
17:02Besides, it doesn't matter if Harris was dishonest.
17:05What we did was just as bad.
17:07Now, I don't want to be a part of this anymore.
17:09I'm out.
17:10Chairman, let me explain something to you.
17:11You helped me, and I rewarded you.
17:13If you cross me, I'll feed you to the lions.
17:17Did you hear that?
17:18He said he's going to feed us to the lions.
17:21He was just speaking metaphorically.
17:24Then again, this is Crawford.
17:25He may have lions.
17:28Don't you see?
17:29We've made a terrible mistake.
17:30We have to stand up to that man.
17:31But what about my office?
17:33I want my office.
17:34No.
17:35He's turned on everyone else.
17:36He's bound to turn on us.
17:38Well, are you going to stand up to him?
17:39I'm not going to.
17:40Don't look at me.
17:45We need our courage.
17:46We need our strength.
17:46We need our manhood.
17:47I think we need the big guy.
17:49We need your help.
17:52Well.
17:56Who's the king of the brain?
18:00You are.
18:02Who's the big go-to-sissy head bird?
18:04You are.
18:07That's right.
18:10Then I'm just going to have to take matters into my own hands.
18:12Ooh, I'm scared.
18:15Mr. Crawford, I'm serious.
18:16Look at me, Sherman.
18:18I'm shaking.
18:20All right, you ask for it.
18:31Sherman, it's me, Tinkerbell.
18:33Wait.
18:36How did you get in here?
18:38Through that hole in your bathroom wall.
18:39I don't have a hole in my wall.
18:41You do now.
18:43Sherman, somebody rattled us out.
18:44Well, you forced my hand.
18:46It was you?
18:47What do you think that conversation was all about this afternoon?
18:50Uh, refresh my memory.
18:52You left me no choice.
18:53Someone had to say something.
18:54I went to the board of directors.
18:55I told them everything.
18:56How you set up Paris and how I helped you.
18:59Oh, this ship is going down.
19:01Sherman, pray with me.
19:02Mr. Crawford.
19:04Hey, damn it.
19:06The whole plan was stupid.
19:08Double dealing is no way to get ahead.
19:11You're sweet.
19:12Sherman, you are so naive.
19:14Here's what we're going to do.
19:15Mr. Crawford, it's over.
19:17Never, never.
19:18We have to be ruthless.
19:19We'll be like vultures.
19:20No, we're not going to be like vultures or sea cows or lions or catfish.
19:25We're not sneaking around, breaking into people's offices or wearing lucky hats or talking to guys named Cookie.
19:30Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?
19:34You're a lunatic.
19:35You know that?
19:36You've turned on me, Sherman.
19:38I'm alone.
19:41Alone wolf.
19:42Will you stop with the animals already?
19:48What am I going to do now?
19:51Why don't you come clean?
19:52Talk to the board.
19:53Maybe they'll let you keep your job.
19:55I never thought it would end like this.
19:59I think it's best.
20:02I'll always remember your loyalty.
20:05Because an elephant never...
20:13Anyone know why the hell Herman Alstice is here?
20:15I don't know, but he better get back here quick because I've got an interview to get to.
20:19What's the interview for?
20:20Ambassador to South Korea.
20:21How in the world did you ever line that up?
20:26Relax.
20:26It's just an interview.
20:29So, Andy, how's your job?
20:31Mr. Crawford fired me yesterday morning.
20:33I accidentally had the high-pressure fire hose hooked up to the toilet.
20:39It created such a suction, they had to pour him off of the jobs of life.
20:44Oh, my God.
20:46Was he angry?
20:47Hardly enough, he enjoyed it.
20:48How about you, Mr. Bracken?
20:52Are you still hawking vitamins?
20:54No, I gave it up.
20:55I don't need a job.
20:56I've discovered I've been putting too much emphasis on work.
20:59A man is not defined by his career.
21:01I've cut back, and I'm at peace with that.
21:04Good news.
21:05I got everyone's job back.
21:07Thank God.
21:08I was bored out of my freaking mind.
21:11How'd you do it, Herman?
21:13Well, I told the board of directors how Crawford set up Harris and how I helped him.
21:17You helped him?
21:18Why?
21:19I thought by helping Crawford, I'd be saving everyone's job.
21:22So, the board is going to reinstate the research department.
21:25Harris goes back to his old job, and they're deciding what to do with Crawford.
21:29Herman, you never should have gotten involved with Crawford, but I appreciate that you tried to help him.
21:34Your heart was in the right place, son.
21:36God only knows where your head was at.
21:38You're right, sir.
21:41I'm going back down to my office.
21:44I'll be with you in a second, Mr. Bracken.
21:45I just want to savor my last few minutes as an executive.
21:49Looks like everyone's right back where they started from.
21:51Well, that's assuming the Korean ambassador thing falls through.
21:56Herman!
21:58Just came to say goodbye.
21:59I'm, uh, going away for a while.
22:03Where are you going, Mr. Crawford?
22:05Oh, I can't tell you.
22:06Just that there are no phones, and, uh, visiting day is Tuesday.
22:22Allison end her affair with a married man?
22:25Find out on an all-new Melrose Place Wednesday.
22:27Flying Blind is next.
22:30Hi, Dave McCall from WTRRFM here.
22:32Flying Blind, followed by Whoop, up next on Fox TV Inc.
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