- 7 weeks ago
Documentary, Allo Allo S6E02 - The Gestapo for the High Jump
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00:00As you may imagine from the activity you are seeing, I have been under a great strain.
00:26Oh, that hurts.
00:28The reason for this will be easy to understand if hard to believe.
00:31The Resistance have developed a new telescopic radio aerial,
00:35which was concealed in a tomb in the church yard.
00:38I was, unfortunately, astride and above this mechanism when my stupid wife operated the switch.
00:45The aerial came up between my legs, made a miraculous diversion at a critical moment,
00:50caught on the collar of my overcoat and thrust me upwards through the open grave,
00:54leaving me suspended about ten feet in the air.
00:57Lieutenant Gruber, who was present at the time, thought that I was the ghost of my dead twin brother
01:03and was last seen with his eyes on stalks, legging it through the lich gate.
01:07And that is why I am stiff all over.
01:13Have my hands relaxed you?
01:15Up to a point, yes.
01:18Oh, Rene, just the sight of you in your vest has sent erotic thoughts coursing through my brain.
01:27It does not take much to get you going, is it?
01:30Oh, it still hurts like hell, you know.
01:33Oh, lie flat on the table.
01:34What?
01:35Let the blood circulate.
01:36That will take away the earth.
01:38Sit.
01:39And lie absolutely flat.
01:41Oh.
01:42Put this cushion under your head.
01:45And I will be back in five minutes.
01:47Oh, thank you, Yvette.
01:48Your dear sweet child.
01:50Oh, Rene.
01:52When we are married, I will do this for you every morning.
01:56I hope I will not be in this state every morning.
01:59Oh, Rene.
02:00Oh, Yvette.
02:01Oh, hello, Hélène.
02:02How is Monsieur Rene?
02:03Oh, he is in a terrible state.
02:04He has twisted every muscle in his body.
02:05Before I join the resistance, I was assistant to a very famous osteopath.
02:20I am sure I can help him.
02:22Oh, see what you can do.
02:23He is in there.
02:24Hello, Monsieur Rene.
02:27Oh.
02:28Oh.
02:29Who are you?
02:30My name is Hélène Cerise.
02:31But my friends come here.
02:32Ah.
02:33In my condition, I do not wish to know that.
02:34Now, where is the pen?
02:35Oh, everywhere.
02:36Does this hurt?
02:37Oh, yes.
02:38And this?
02:39Oh, that is worse.
02:40Oh.
02:41This all comes from the back of the neck.
02:42I know well this guy.
02:43Oh, yes.
02:44Oh, yes.
02:45Oh, yes.
02:46Oh, yes.
02:47Oh, yes.
02:48Oh, yes.
02:49Oh, yes.
02:50Oh, yes.
02:51Oh, yes.
02:52Oh, yes.
02:53Oh, yes.
02:54Oh, yes.
02:55Oh, yes.
02:56I know well this condition.
02:57Now, you must relax completely.
03:00No, are you sure you know what you are doing?
03:02Trust me.
03:03Ah.
03:05Oh.
03:07Oh.
03:08Oh.
03:09Oh, you are not relaxing.
03:14Well, I don't see.
03:15Now, take in a deep breath.
03:17Breathe in.
03:18Breathe out.
03:19Breathe in.
03:20Breathe out.
03:21Breathe in.
03:22Breathe out.
03:23Now!
03:24Have I caught you at an awkward moment?
03:39You could say that.
03:48You sent for me, Herflick?
03:50Yes, Helgert.
03:51Have you obtained for me the British parachutes?
03:54I forged the request on the General's very own notepaper.
03:57Where are they?
04:01Bring them in here!
04:08Go away!
04:13Well done, Helga.
04:15When do you intend to put into operation your ingenious plan
04:18to commandeer a captured British Wellington bomber
04:20with artificial smoke belching from the engine?
04:23From Vichyville Leap disguised as British airmen
04:25hoping to be picked up by the Resistance
04:27and taken to their secret headquarters
04:28so you may infiltrate the Resistance,
04:31escape and organise their capture.
04:33Congratulations, Helga.
04:34You have expounded the plot well.
04:37It is because you hold such snake-like fascination for me.
04:41In answer to your recent query,
04:44we intend to put the plan into effect
04:46as soon as von Smallhausen
04:47has perfected his disguise.
04:50Von Smallhausen?
04:57What do you think?
05:00I think the reality is destroyed by the cricket bat.
05:03I keep telling him.
05:07How many times have I to tell you?
05:09Don't take the cricket bat!
05:11Leave the bat behind!
05:13I'm sorry, Herr Flick.
05:15I thought I would try once more.
05:17It is a Len Hutton!
05:19No.
05:21Will they not be suspicious
05:23if you do not speak English?
05:25Point one.
05:26Very few French peasants speak English,
05:28especially communist ones.
05:30Point two.
05:32We have been studying the English
05:33with the aid of a record
05:35from the Gestapo library
05:36entitled
05:37How to Fool the French That You Are English
05:39in One Easy Lesson.
05:42Von Smallhausen,
05:43demonstrate.
05:43Big Bell.
05:54Incredible!
05:55I, who do not speak English,
05:57would be completely deceived.
05:59Thank you, Herrva,
06:10Here, Lieutenant Kruber,
06:12have another cognac. Thank you again. Ah, there you are, Lieutenant. I'm sorry to have left you.
06:19I was a little bit tied up. Please come over here. I wish to talk to you. Oh. Sit down, René.
06:29You find me a little disturbed, because apart from seeing you in that interesting position,
06:37I... I have recently had a terrible shock. Oh, dear. I have seen the ghost of your dead twin brother.
06:50No. Yes. He rose from the tomb in his overcoat and bowler hat. And René, he forgave me for shooting him.
07:02Well, that was nice of him. It was a bizarre experience, I can tell you. And yet, at the
07:11same time, it was very reassuring to know that there is life after death. And that one is still well
07:19dressed. Yes. Well, anyway, this phenomenon has convinced me even more strongly that I must give
07:27you a warning. There is a plot afoot, René, that could get you into great danger. The Gestapo are
07:38going to disguise themselves as British airmen in the hope that the resistance will capture them and
07:44lead them to their headquarters. Well, why are you telling me this, Lieutenant? I do not know the
07:48resistance. I am most relieved to hear this. Not that I am concerned, of course, but when will this plan be put
07:58into operation? Well, although it does not concern you, if I should hear any more, I will, of course,
08:07let you know. Thank you, Lieutenant. Oh, and René, if I am with the Colonel, it may be difficult to speak,
08:14so I will give you a sign. Oh, that is very kind, Lieutenant. What will this sign be? Well,
08:21this will mean that it is on for tonight.
08:33Yes, well, it usually does.
08:34René. What are you doing there? I overheard every word. This is a very serious situation. We dare not
08:49now rescue any British airmen in case they turn out to be the Gestapo in disguise. You are right.
08:54You must dismantle the whole organization. We have had a good run. Thank you, Michelle, for all you have
08:59done. No, no, I just think of a plan. Well, whatever the plan is, I want no part of it.
09:05You? You are in it up to here. What is more about your clumsiness and incompetence, the mechanism of
09:12the aerial in the tomb is completely knackered. You owe us one, and it will go down on your report
09:20as a black muck. Would you like me to do a hundred lines as well?
09:28Who was that? Michelle. That girl is beginning to get right up my nose.
09:33Oh, René, you need a holiday. Why do we not return to that little hotel on the coast where we used to
09:40go before the war? The one with the little golf course. That is the one. Oh, yes, I remember it.
09:45Nine-O's. Do you remember how we used to laugh at your big handicap?
09:54Well, you more than me.
09:57Oh, René, these are such dangerous times in which we live. If I should be struck down,
10:04would you marry again?
10:06Well, possibly, Edith. Out of loneliness, you know.
10:09Would you take her to that same little hotel where we both knew such happiness?
10:12Possibly. To try to find that happiness again.
10:16Would you play on the same golf course?
10:18Well, it would be something to do.
10:21You would not give her my clubs, would you?
10:24Oh, definitely not.
10:25Oh, René.
10:28Because of your love for me.
10:30No, she is left-handed.
10:32Oh, hello.
10:33Oh, just a little joke, my sweet.
10:39Good morning.
10:40Good morning.
10:44I have a boon to peck with you.
10:48Oh, yes.
10:50Last night, you were supposed to send a massage so that the British submarine could meet the earmen.
10:57We forgot about the airmen.
10:59Yes, well, someone should have tipped me the wonk.
11:01For the last 24 whores,
11:07they have been standing in witter up to their necks.
11:12Oh, really?
11:13They were under the upturned bath in the estuary, waiting for the submarines.
11:17Yes, well, we are very sorry.
11:19So I should thonk.
11:23You made me look a right duckhead.
11:25Good do to you both.
11:37News of our engagement spreads quickly.
11:42Come, Fanny.
11:44You must be tired.
11:45Yes, Mama.
11:48Oh, come and sit down.
11:52She has been shopping for a bottom drawer.
11:56What has she bought, mothballs?
11:59Ladies, come here.
12:01Do you think that I should get married in white?
12:08Why not?
12:09You always have done before.
12:11See, it is in the paper.
12:13The engagement is announced between Ernest Leclerc, son of Henri Leclerc, the popular parish conductor.
12:20Symphony?
12:21Buses.
12:23And Fanny Le Fan, late of the Pfoddy Berger.
12:27How late can you get?
12:28It is, Ernest would like Granny to be the best of mine.
12:35Of course.
12:37He would be, Ernest.
12:39And I would like the serving girls to be the bridesmaids.
12:44And you, of course, it is to be my maid, son of honour.
12:50You will all be dressed in billowing champagne-less.
12:58Hang on, who is paying for all this?
13:02Oh, Renée, do not be such an old skin flint.
13:05Can you not see how happy they both are?
13:07No.
13:07Look at the smile on their wrinkled old faces.
13:11Come, Ernest.
13:14Help me up to my room.
13:17Oh, Mama, there was just one more thing.
13:20Who is to give you away?
13:22Oh, well, that is the sadness.
13:25There is nobody left.
13:29Do not worry about it.
13:30We will make you this week's amazing free gift.
13:32You did well to discover this plan.
13:41Thank you, General.
13:42All of today's work.
13:44All of the credits should go to the beautiful Helga.
13:47Shut up!
13:48It is vital that the credit for the discovery of the resistance headquarters and the escape
13:53route of the British airmen should not go to the Gestapo.
13:56To thwart their plans, this is what we shall do.
13:59We shall adopt their plan, but put it into operation first.
14:03What a brilliant and original thought.
14:08You are only a private, but right for promotion.
14:10General, our faces are familiar.
14:15We cannot pass ourselves off as British airmen.
14:18My men have the faces that is not a norm.
14:21Me, I'm not sure of them myself.
14:24Excellent.
14:25They will be dressed in captured British flying clothes.
14:28The anti-aircraft batteries will fire blank shells at the captured British airplane.
14:32They will jump out.
14:33The resistance will pick them up and lead them to their secret headquarters.
14:37Wonderful.
14:38Marvelous.
14:39I see a teensy-weensy snag.
14:44If I get too close with my troops, they will spot us.
14:48And if I'm too far away, we will lose them.
14:51It is very simple, Colonel.
14:53The Italian soldiers will have in their pockets aniseed balls.
14:57They will drop a ball every ten meters.
15:01They will obtain tracker dogs who will have no difficulty in following the scent.
15:04An incredibly brilliant solution.
15:07The plan is worthy of Rommel.
15:10Thank you, Lance Corporal Helga.
15:12In fact, I'd say it was worthy of Hitler himself.
15:17One stripe is all you're getting.
15:18Don't you know, little fool, you never can win.
15:27Use your mentality.
15:30Wake up to reality.
15:33But each time I do, just the thought of you makes me stop.
15:38Has she finished?
15:43No such luck.
15:47Before I beat you, I've got you under my skin.
15:56René, Michel, back room.
16:05Oh, wait.
16:06Come on.
16:06Michel Leclerc, bar.
16:11Listen very carefully.
16:12I shall say this only once.
16:15Here is the plan.
16:16When the Gestapo, disguised as British airmen, land, they will be taken by Agent Crabtree,
16:22who will be disguised as a member of the Resistance, to an old disused chateau.
16:28You will meet them there, but you also will be disguised so that you will never be traced from a description.
16:34You will lock them in the cellar and disappear,
16:37and the Germans will spend weeks looking for people who do not exist.
16:40I do not believe what I am hearing.
16:44You had better say it all again.
16:47But how do we disguise ourselves in such a manner?
16:50We have no experience.
16:52My girls come from many walks of life.
16:54One of them was makeup advisor to Boris Karloff.
16:59All we have to do now is to find out from your contact when the jump is to take place.
17:06I have to be going now.
17:10It is tonight.
17:17Colonel, General, Captain Bertarelli is here with his men.
17:22Good. Let them be brought in.
17:25Captain Bertarelli and his men.
17:28General, I have the good news.
17:31Oh, Colonel, not my friend.
17:35How's it going on, eh?
17:38Everything is set up.
17:39I pick the foremost brave volunteers.
17:43You meet them, eh?
17:45Here!
17:47Brave troops, you come here, you say hello to the General and the Colonel.
17:50No, no, no, no.
17:51The General is good to see.
17:54Oh, my dear.
17:56It's good to see.
17:57Colonel, how are you doing?
17:58Nice, nice.
17:59Okay, you boys.
18:01Have they been briefed?
18:03Yeah, I tell them everything.
18:05Good.
18:05Helga, hand out the uniforms and parachutes.
18:08Parachutes?
18:09Eh, what for we need the parachutes?
18:12You're in the aeroplane, stupido.
18:16You're the British pilots.
18:18All the time you wear the parachutes.
18:20Give her.
18:21Hand out the aniseed balls.
18:22Oh, yeah.
18:23There are 50 each.
18:25What?
18:27Isn't he sweet?
18:28He's nice.
18:30My favorite.
18:31No, no.
18:32Into the aniseed balls.
18:34You put them in your pocket, like I tell you.
18:42When you're in the woods, you walk.
18:46And every 20 pieces, you drop the balls.
18:50Remember?
18:51See?
18:52Then tell me what you do every 20 pieces.
18:55We drop the balls.
18:57Son, we drop the balls.
19:01Here's the disguises.
19:04Here we have the disguises.
19:05One each.
19:06There you go.
19:07There you go.
19:08Put some on.
19:12Put them in the peeps.
19:18Now, you do the English.
19:20I can hear the planes.
19:30Why are they shooting at them?
19:32They are using blank shells to try to fool us that they are British planes.
19:36We know better.
19:38It is lucky we are on the ball.
19:39When I joined British intelligence, I did not know that I was going to be a transvestute.
19:54Just like that, they will never recognize you.
19:57Thank Gid for that.
19:59Will the moustache not give him away?
20:02Many of the peasant girls in the resistance do not shave.
20:07They're getting near.
20:08Stand by to lead them to the chateau.
20:16Right.
20:18We must stand by.
20:38If you forget to pull the little ring in about ten seconds.
20:55How will we know when to jump?
20:58There will be a red light flashing.
21:04It is flashing now!
21:07One, two, three, four, five, three, four, five, three, five, five, three, six, six, six, seven, eight, five, four, five, five, five, five.
21:26I see planes our guns are shooting the blanks
21:34Lieutenant Gruber in his little tank
21:39I hope he has within the tracker dogs
21:44What do you mean general do you have with you is a tracker dogs?
21:49Yes
21:50Good do not release them until we see the parachutes leading the planes. Yes, general
21:56Hey, Capitano, he's a long way down
22:03Of course he's a long way down. We know the aeroplane
22:08And you do not get the pulse
22:11Where do we land? I no see the aerodrome
22:18Who say anything about the aerodrome?
22:22Do I talk to you about the aerodrome?
22:26Then how do we land?
22:28You make the jump
22:30You pull the string
22:32You float it down
22:33You hit the ground
22:35Capitano
22:41Capitano
22:42We no want to make the jump
22:45Capitano
22:48Are you the man or are you the mice?
22:51Capitano
22:52We are the mice
22:54Capitano
22:55I see
22:56Capitano
22:57Now you are the flying mice
23:02Capitano
23:03Capitano
23:04Capitano
23:05Capitano
23:05You will not forget to pull the string
23:07Capitano
23:09Capitano
23:10The parachutes have landed over there
23:12Go to it
23:13What is the matter?
23:17The elastic has gone on my knuckles
23:20Remember
23:26From now on you are English
23:41Pssst
23:42Follow moo
23:45The parachutes have landed in the clearing behind the woods
23:59There is the bloodhounds
24:01is that the best you could do all the big dogs are at the dog show i commandeered these from
24:18the ladies of the town and i promise to have them back by half past nine go find seek fetch
24:25i think they're only used to following the ladies of the town
24:31helga head for the woods where they can pick up the irresistible scent of the aniseed
24:36follow me darlings
24:41i must leave you now i have to powder my knees good lick
25:01did you get her description six foot four mustache big ears knickers round ankles
25:15it should be easy to trace
25:22we have been expecting you welcome welcome
25:29we have been expecting you welcome welcome
25:36we have been expecting you welcome welcome
25:43you can tell they are here
25:51you can tell they are here
25:58you have arrived at a bad time the baron is having one of his pearls
26:06do not let him lose they are friends it will be alright if he sniffs them
26:18see he likes the little ones
26:33keep a tight hold he has not eaten flesh this day
26:37we will hide you in the dungeons no one will ever find you there
26:52at a time
26:53did i
27:08i think if it is all the same to you we will head to the coast and try swimming
27:15Batch! Batch!
27:45Batch!
28:15Batch!
28:45Batch!
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