- 2 days ago
First broadcast 22nd August 1973.
With the girls having convinced the Ropers that Robin is gay and therefore it is quite proper for him to share with them, they have a new problem.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Daphne Oxenford - Mother
With the girls having convinced the Ropers that Robin is gay and therefore it is quite proper for him to share with them, they have a new problem.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Daphne Oxenford - Mother
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00Oh, dear.
01:28I've never had weather like this before we joined the common market.
01:31All the curls have gone out of my eyelashes.
01:33I know.
01:34My French loaf's gone limp.
01:35You know, I hate the tube in the rush hour.
01:38All those grubby little men pressing up against you.
01:41Oh, you lucky devil.
01:42I couldn't get near one.
01:43Oh, whose turn is it to cook dinner?
01:50Mine.
01:51Oh, let's eat it out.
01:53You can't afford it.
01:54How do you fancy tender, lean beef, chopped and blended with herbs and spices in a rich, tasty gravy?
02:03Oh, what's that?
02:04That muck we had last week.
02:06No fan.
02:08Hey, why have you put a ring round today's date?
02:10I didn't.
02:11You did.
02:11Oh, why have I put a ring round today's date?
02:14I don't know.
02:15Perhaps it's because Robin's moving in.
02:16No, I wouldn't have put a ring round.
02:18Oh, is he?
02:19Yes.
02:39You can hand me those bags, please.
02:42Okay.
02:49All right, 48p.
02:56Yeah.
02:58Oh, there's 50p there.
02:59Listen, I'm sorry about that jar of friggle and as I smashed in there, you know.
03:05The smell of this thing will go, you know.
03:08Sorry.
03:09Sorry about that.
03:11No, no, no.
03:11No, you keep a check.
03:19Connect positive wire to Terminal A.
03:30Terminal A.
03:43Hey!
03:46Hey!
03:46Hey!
03:47Hey!
03:49Oh, God, don't like it.
03:53Stroof!
03:54Uh, good evening.
03:55Uh, I did ring.
03:56Oh, yeah?
03:57Don't you know what knockers are for?
03:59Um...
04:00Oh, yes.
04:03Uh, just a ring.
04:04Hey?
04:05Oh, yeah.
04:07Hey, wait a minute.
04:07I know who you are.
04:08You're, um, you're, uh, what's his name?
04:11Yes, you're moving in with, uh, Doodal and, um, and, um, thingy?
04:14Uh, thingy, yeah.
04:16Oh!
04:17Oh, I play.
04:19Oh, dear.
04:20Oh.
04:20Hello.
04:21Hello.
04:22You're moving in with all your little bits and pieces, are you?
04:24Yeah.
04:25Yeah.
04:26I must say, I'm glad to be getting out of that YMCA.
04:28Oh, yes.
04:29It's nothing but men, isn't it?
04:31All around you.
04:32Yeah, I can imagine what it must be like.
04:34In fact, I often own.
04:37We're not having that thing all hours of the night, are we?
04:39No, no, no, no, I don't actually play it.
04:40You know, I just bought it to take along to parties.
04:42Listen, I'll be back down in a minute for the rest of the stuff.
04:45But it's all right, love.
04:46Mr. Roper will hunt it up for you.
04:48Eh?
04:49Thank you very much.
04:50Not at all.
04:52Oh.
04:52Well, I'm off to the mucky duck.
04:56I don't suppose you're coming.
04:57Now, look here.
04:58No, I thought not.
05:00Last time we went out together, it was to empty the pedal bin.
05:07Welcome, welcome.
05:09Did you swim?
05:10Oh, very good.
05:11Listen, I'm sorry I'm a bit late, but I had to pick up dozens of pickle onions from the
05:15back of a taxi cab.
05:16Ah, yes, I thought that'd be it.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Um, Jo, it's Robin.
05:20Hey, have you got your share of next month's rent?
05:23Yeah, why?
05:23We need it to pay last month's rent.
05:25Oh, give it a chance when he just arrived.
05:27Hey, matching set of luggage.
05:30Well, here I am, ready to move in.
05:33Hey, listen, you two girls, you know, you haven't changed your mind, eh?
05:36Certainly not.
05:36Put it there.
05:37Right.
05:38Not your hand, the rent.
05:41Oh, no.
05:43Oi.
05:44Here, I'm not a removal man, you know, a skivvy.
05:46I'm the landlord.
05:47I'm not yet a fetch and carry for the likes of you.
05:50I didn't know, I didn't know whether they gave him 5p or 10p.
05:58I've given him 50p.
06:02Dump your stuff in Eleanor's room.
06:03Well, your room now.
06:05Would you like some coffee?
06:06Oh, yes, please.
06:07I must say, I'm looking forward to having a room of my own here.
06:13Oh, yes.
06:13I must say, it's a bit smaller than I last remembered.
06:16You know, I doubt whether I'll be able to stretch my bulwark to its full extent.
06:19Oh, well, you'll just have to do your best, won't you?
06:23Now, you know where everything is?
06:24Yeah.
06:24Lounge, kitchen, bathroom and out of bounds.
06:27What?
06:27Our bedroom.
06:28That's the one with the bunged up keyhole.
06:30We lock the door at night, anyway.
06:31Now, Chrissie, you know, I'm surprised at you.
06:33I mean, I've given you my word.
06:34And I think under the circumstances, you should show a little bit more trust.
06:37Of course, I won't come near your bedroom.
06:39Oh, sorry.
06:40There's no point if you bunged up the keyhole and the door's locked, have you?
06:42Right.
06:44Just hang these up here.
06:47Ah, yes.
06:49You read a lot, don't you?
06:51Eh?
06:52You read a lot.
06:53Indian cooking, French cuisine, continental cookery.
06:58Naked be my nympho.
07:00Er, yes.
07:01That one shouldn't be in there.
07:03Why, which bag did you keep your dirty books in?
07:04Very good.
07:05Er, that one.
07:06Oh.
07:09Excuse me.
07:10Okay.
07:11Right.
07:16Hello?
07:17I've been crushed to death in the crowd.
07:19I'm soaking wet and I haven't bought half my shopping.
07:21I don't know how you can bear to live in London.
07:23Is that Chrissie?
07:23Mother?
07:24Oh, I meant to be there earlier, only I got trapped inside a panty girdle, says 34.
07:28What?
07:29But you know what an optimist I am.
07:31Anyway, I shall be with you in about quarter of an hour.
07:33Pop the kettle on.
07:34Bye.
07:34Mother?
07:35Hello?
07:36Hey, you know that ring on the calendar?
07:38I've remembered.
07:39Your mother?
07:40Twice a year she comes up to town to raid Debenham and Freebody and make sure I haven't married
07:43a black man.
07:44What?
07:44Well, she worries about you.
07:47She'll worry even more when she sees him.
07:49Two girls living in a flat with a fella.
08:07I know what my mother would think.
08:09They're doing it all over the place.
08:10That's what she thinks.
08:12Well, can't you tell her the same thing as you told the landlord?
08:15Say he's a pup.
08:16Well, to her, that's something you put your feet on.
08:20You know, if he'd just go out for a couple of hours, I wouldn't have to bother explaining.
08:24Ah, do you want to smell coffee?
08:26Ah, great.
08:27Do you know, you know, I'm really, I'm really settling very nicely.
08:31Why don't you go out to the British Museum?
08:33What?
08:34Come on, tell me, see, I've just arrived.
08:36The British Museum's closed and it's pouring with rain.
08:37That's a defeatist attitude.
08:39Now you're in London, you should soak up your cultural heritage.
08:42Theatres, cinemas, art galleries, classical concerts.
08:45Yeah, but Tom and Jerry's on.
08:46Well, you're black and white.
08:48Life is out there in colour.
08:49Is she trying to get rid of me?
08:50Oh, you noticed.
08:52Listen, I'll take him down the murky duck for a couple of hours.
08:55You'll like it.
08:55The beer's flat, but the barmaid isn't.
08:57Oh, right.
08:59Listen, Chris, is it my personal freshness?
09:02Is that what it is?
09:03Are you sure?
09:04Oh, come on, I'll explain.
09:05Was it something I said?
09:14Or something I didn't say?
09:15Or something I should have said?
09:16No!
09:16Oi!
09:17There's still some more of your stuff down here.
09:18Oh, oh, that's all right, you know.
09:20Don't hurry.
09:20You know, when you're not so busy, that'll be fine.
09:33It's just that it would save a lot of explanation.
09:35That's all.
09:36She doesn't come often.
09:37Yeah, I understand.
09:38I mean, my own mother doesn't trust me,
09:39so I don't see why anyone else is should.
09:41Right, in you go.
09:45Oh, hello, love.
09:46Hello.
09:46It's still raining.
09:47Oh, God.
09:48Oh, hello.
09:50Hello.
09:51Uh, hello.
09:52Could I have a pint of a bit of tomato juice
09:55and, uh, what will you have?
09:57It's the right one.
09:58The bright one.
09:59The most beautiful drink in the world.
10:00Oh, doesn't it?
10:04Uh, yeah, and one of them, please.
10:07Uh, talking of one of them,
10:09you aren't, are you?
10:13Sorry?
10:14Oh, I see what you're...
10:15No, no, no, no, no.
10:15That was just sort of, you know,
10:16Chris's little joke.
10:18Oh, I thought so.
10:20No, I'm as normal as Mr. Roper.
10:22Oh, don't spoil it, love.
10:23Oh, you mean worry.
10:26There's nothing going on in our flat.
10:27Well, there's not a lot going on in ours, dear,
10:29and we're married.
10:30Thank you very much.
10:31There we are.
10:32Oh, cheers, then.
10:33Cheers, cheers.
10:34There you are.
10:34Actually, you know,
10:35I think they're more interested in my cooking
10:37rather than my, uh, my sex.
10:41Yes, he's studying it at Technical College.
10:43They have classes, isn't it?
10:45Cooking.
10:46Oh.
10:46Oh.
10:47Oh.
10:48Yeah.
10:49Oh, the traffic.
10:51Oh, and I don't like these London taxis.
10:54They all smell a pickle, don't you?
10:55Oh.
10:57Hello.
10:58Hello, dear.
11:00Oh, you've had the carpet cleaned.
11:01No, it's just the walls have got dirtier.
11:04How's everything at home?
11:05How's Dad?
11:06Oh.
11:07He's been had up for worrying sheep.
11:09He's what?
11:10Well, not him so much as his dog.
11:12Oh, he's a vicious old thing.
11:14Should be put down.
11:15Oh, come on.
11:16You married him for better or worse.
11:18Joke.
11:19Oh.
11:20Oh.
11:20By the way, he sent you this.
11:24Oh.
11:25Oh.
11:27Oh.
11:28Yes.
11:29What am I supposed to do with it?
11:31I don't know, dear.
11:33He's convinced you can't get them in London.
11:35Well, you know how he worries about you.
11:38What we both do, you being up here.
11:40It's not that bad.
11:41I haven't been mugged for days.
11:42No, dear.
11:43It's a temptation.
11:44I mean, you read these wild stories about pop stars and footballers taking all the clothes
11:50off.
11:50You don't want to believe everything in the parish magazine.
11:52Oh, you.
11:54Oh, Mum, I wouldn't know an orgy if I fell over one.
11:56They might be at it like knives all over South Kemba.
11:58They haven't made it compulsory yet.
12:00No, dear.
12:02Well, how are those nice girls you share with?
12:04Joe and, um, Eleanor, isn't it?
12:07Um, Joe's fine.
12:09Eleanor left to get married.
12:10Oh, really?
12:12Oh.
12:13Have you got another girl for a room?
12:14Um, no, we haven't got another girl, no.
12:17Then you've got a spare bed.
12:18How marvellous.
12:19What?
12:19Well, I've nowhere near finished my shopping.
12:21You can pop me up for the night.
12:22Oh, my God.
12:24No.
12:24Oh, my God.
12:54Well, I have enjoyed chatting to you, dear.
13:03I think you're going to fit into our little household quite nicely.
13:08Are you sure I can't tempt you?
13:11Not to a drink, no.
13:13You see, I've got to get home and make cocoa for Omar Sharif.
13:18Bye-bye.
13:18Bye-bye.
13:19Bye-bye, love.
13:20Oh, good night.
13:21Look, if your mother's staying, where's he going to spend the night?
13:24Well, in the laundrette or the railway station.
13:27Look, there's an all-night showing of war and peace at the Osoldo.
13:30Oh, boy.
13:31Well, you can come down here and tell him because I'm not going to.
13:34I thought we were friends.
13:36This is a recording device.
13:37I'm afraid you have the wrong number.
13:39Oh.
13:39You see?
13:41Eleanor seems to have left her football boots behind.
13:43Oh, um, yeah, they were a boy friend.
13:45They used to play Inside Out for Barnet or someone.
13:49Um, Mum, won't Dad be expecting you back tonight?
13:52Oh, he won't even notice.
13:53I'm gone till he runs out of teen underpants.
13:56Oh, you know, I think I'll have an early night.
13:58Yeah, I think I'll just pop out for a minute.
14:00What, now?
14:01Um, yeah, we need some, er, carrots.
14:04Oh, are you going to get carrots at this time of night?
14:06There's a machine on the corner.
14:16Oh, a bit of craftsmanship, then.
14:19What?
14:20Oh, the bell.
14:20Tricky little repair job, then.
14:22Oh, by the way, when you see that young fella,
14:24tell him to take the rest of his gear up himself.
14:25OK.
14:26Because I've got more important jobs to do.
14:27Right.
14:28Ah.
14:31Oh!
14:33Oh, ha, ha.
14:35I've got my key.
14:36Here, love, it's bucketing down there.
14:37You'll need this.
14:38Oh, tough.
14:38There you are.
14:40What?
14:41Five hours I've spent on that.
14:43Ah, never mind, George.
14:46Here, I'll tell you what.
14:48Why don't I run myself a nice bath?
14:51And you can come and scrub my back.
14:54Right?
14:55I'll use the horse chestnut bath salts.
14:59Well, yeah.
15:00Well, I like to, of course.
15:03I promise I'll take this lot upstairs.
15:05Yes.
15:07Don't wait up for me.
15:12War and Peace.
15:13All night showing at the Isolde.
15:14No, no, no.
15:15You can't, Tim.
15:16It's the 1932 version in the original Russian.
15:20That is not a plus.
15:21No, I'm sorry.
15:21I'm going back to the flat.
15:23But my mother's in the spare bed.
15:24It's not the spare bed.
15:26It's my bed.
15:28It's my bed.
15:29You should have told your mother about Robin in the first place.
15:32I know, but I can't tell her now, can I?
15:34I shall go back to the flat, get undressed, get into my bed, and if there is anyone else in it, that is their problem.
15:41No trouble at all.
15:44I was making it anyway.
15:45I was very kind.
15:47My wife usually makes me cocoa, but she's in a funny mood tonight.
15:52Chrissie's told me about you, Mr. Roper.
15:54You're the caretaker, aren't you?
15:55Well, I wouldn't say caretaker.
15:58I'm more of a sort of landlord.
16:01But don't the church commissioners own the property?
16:03Ah, yes.
16:04But they've appointed me as a sort of landlord.
16:07Oh.
16:08Or caretaker.
16:11So you're staying the night, then?
16:13Yes, I'm sleeping in the little room.
16:15Oh.
16:21Right, there you go.
16:22Oh, come on, Chrissie, you're not still sulking, are you?
16:27Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
16:29To get you off the hook, I won't come back to the flat tonight.
16:33No, no, I'll just, you know, walk around the wet streets.
16:37It may not be raining all night, you know.
16:39I can always huddle in a shop entrance covered in newspapers.
16:43You know, if the wind blows up, I can always shelter in a dustbin.
16:46You've no intention of doing any such thing?
16:48Not for a moment.
16:50Hey, I've just had a thought.
16:51I want my own bed.
16:53He can stay in our room.
16:54On the other hand, you know, I mustn't be unreasonable.
16:56Look, sneak him in, your mother wouldn't even know he was there.
17:00Him?
17:01In the same room, it's two incredibly sexy girls.
17:03Now, come on, come on, I'd be on my best behaviour.
17:05Now, listen, is the bed big enough for three?
17:08He thinks it's his birthday.
17:09There are two single beds and you won't be sleeping in either of them.
17:15You'll be sellotaped to the armchair.
17:18I see.
17:18Well, you know, anything's better than four and a half hours of war and peace.
17:21I see.
17:22I see.
17:22I see.
17:30She's in bed.
17:31Come on.
17:31Listen, are you sure she's asleep?
17:33Oh, oh.
17:33Shh.
17:34It's the emotional tension.
17:36You know, four pints of draught.
17:37Oh, shh.
17:38Stop your hanky in your mouth.
17:40Just blow my nose in it.
17:41Shh.
17:42Take him.
17:47Why, shh.
17:49That's a puffer.
17:51Shh.
18:01What a time to get hiccups.
18:02I'm sorry.
18:03Listen, come on, it wasn't the drink.
18:05Actually, yeah, I think I've got them under control now.
18:08Yes.
18:09You see, all it is, it's a matter controlling the diaphragm.
18:13You see, like so.
18:14See?
18:15Oh, see.
18:16What do I see?
18:17There.
18:19Oh, great.
18:19Fine.
18:20Listen, where do I take my clothes off and hang them?
18:23You're not getting undressed.
18:24Oh, I thought I wouldn't be.
18:25Right.
18:37Right.
18:38Off you go.
18:42What?
18:44Well, I mean, come on, you two, you know, you don't sleep with your clothes on.
18:47Well, you needn't think you're going to sit there while we show you everything we've got.
18:50What is the alternative?
18:52This.
18:53Chrissie, that's not going to cover very much.
18:55It'll cover your eyes.
18:56Oh, Chrissie, come on, that's a bit mean, isn't it?
18:58Oh, shh.
18:59Oh, yeah.
19:12Oh.
19:12Your hiccups have gone, then.
19:16Yeah.
19:16I'm too busy using my imagination to hiccup.
19:19Blanket.
19:20Oh, thank you.
19:24Right.
19:25You can take it off now.
19:26Are you sure?
19:26Well, you know, I mean, I don't want to catch a glimpse of anything you might not want me to.
19:30Oh, no, we're safely in bed.
19:31I'm just winding the clock.
19:32Oh, good.
19:33Actually, no joke.
19:34But that clock is a little bit fast.
19:35It's just coming up to, uh, quarter two eleven.
19:40Hello, it does go.
19:43He's a see-through, that.
19:45You will never know.
19:48I must say, you know, that's a very, very fascinating place where you've got that, Mel.
19:54Who?
19:56Um.
19:58You.
19:59Ron.
20:00Actually, I think I better warn you, you know,
20:02I have been known to sleepwalk.
20:04Yes, and I'd better warn you,
20:06I have been known to hit sleepwalkers over the head with a clock.
20:09We know where we stand.
20:10Yes.
20:10Bye.
20:10Oh, he never gives up, does he?
20:12Look, come on, I'm not desperate.
20:14I mean, there are other things in life,
20:15higher things, more, more, more meaningful things.
20:19Football.
20:20I shall sit there tonight and dream I've just scored at Wembley.
20:22Yeah, you might as well, because you're not going to score here.
20:28What's that?
20:30Oh, it's the window in the lounge.
20:31You forgot to close it.
20:33Yeah, I had other things on my mind.
20:34I'll do it now.
20:37No, won't you do it.
20:39Say, please.
20:40Shove off.
20:41That's near enough.
20:46Make yourself beautiful for me.
20:48I shall return.
20:51Be quiet!
20:51Bumptious, conceited, male chauvinist pig.
21:01He's nice, though.
21:02Yeah.
21:02Tissing!
21:14Tissing!
21:45Christy! Christy!
21:48There's somebody else there.
21:50I can't hear anything, can you?
21:52Yes.
21:58Come on in.
22:00Pouring with rain out there.
22:01Oh, good evening.
22:03This is my mother.
22:05Oh, how do you do?
22:08I was just passing by the...
22:12I was just passing by the balcony.
22:14And, uh, thought I'd knock on, you know, the window to see if the two girls wanted to come and see an all-night showing of War and Peace at the Isolde for four and a half hours.
22:25But I can see that they're dressed, you know.
22:27So I'll go off by myself and see four and a half hours' worth of War and Peace by myself.
22:32May I borrow this umbrella?
22:34Thank you very much.
22:36Sorry about this.
22:37Bye-bye.
22:37I haven't gotten his shoes on.
22:43That's Robin for you.
22:45Robin?
22:46Isn't he the young man that shares the flat with you?
22:48What?
22:49Oh, Mr Roper told me about him.
22:51I thought he must be away since he let me have his room.
22:53You don't mind?
22:54Oh, no, dear.
22:56People are doing it all over the place.
22:57I shan't worry about you now.
23:00You've got a man about the house.
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