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  • 2 days ago
First broadcast 23rd October 1974.

There is a formal dinner-dance at the firm where Jo and Chrissy work, but Chrissy's prospective dance partner has injured himself, so Robin, after a few dance lessons from Mildred, becomes her partner instead.

Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Alison Hughes - Maddie
Robert Swales - Peter
John Colclough - Nigel
Gareth Johnson - Stuart
Frances Jeater - Marjorie
Sally Harrison - Denise
Peggy Ann Clifford - Mrs. James
Ambrose Quilby Four - Themselves (as The Ambrose Quilby Four)

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00I
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00Oh, my God.
01:30Well, what's the matter with you? You haven't said a word all the way home.
01:34I tried, but you don't draw breath very often.
01:37Babbling on about the stupid staff dance.
01:39Oh, so Peter hasn't asked you?
01:41Peter is going with another girl.
01:43Do you know that from what?
01:44I know it's an unconfirmed rumour, and that's good enough.
01:47I think I'll get Steve to take me.
01:49Steve's definitely asked another girl.
01:51Who?
01:52Me.
01:52Oh, I never really liked that Steve very much anyway.
01:56Do you like this?
01:57Oh, you'll be a sensation.
01:58You're supposed to wear it the other way around.
02:01Chrissy, Chrissy, quick.
02:03Can you take this casserole dish for me?
02:04Go ahead and be careful.
02:05It's very hot.
02:05Ah!
02:06Oh, it's hot.
02:07Yes, I know.
02:08I've been balancing on my moped for the last ten minutes.
02:11What is it?
02:11Oh, it's agony.
02:12Do you know, there were people looking at me wondering where the steam was coming from.
02:16Hot pot?
02:18I haven't had hot pot for years.
02:20And you're not having it tonight.
02:22This is to Fatto di Manzo alla Romana.
02:24What's that?
02:25It's Italian for, um, hot pot.
02:30Listen, I know who could take you to the dance.
02:32Ginger.
02:33I'm not going with the office boy.
02:35But he likes you.
02:36He looks up to you.
02:37He can't help it.
02:38He's only four foot six.
02:40Well, that's good.
02:41Means you'll have a clear view while you're dancing with him.
02:44No, thanks.
02:44I'll find my own escort.
02:46Hey, girls, it'll be ready in about five minutes, OK?
02:48OK.
02:50Hmm.
02:51Well, could do worse.
02:56Doing anything on Saturday?
02:58Yeah.
02:58What?
02:59Saturday.
03:00Oh, busy day.
03:01I shall stroll through the park, whistle at a couple of birds, throw some stones in the
03:05lake and possibly chew a bit of grass.
03:06And then till the evening.
03:08Oh, I'll probably just friddle that away.
03:10I might be able to arrange for you to go out with your favourite girl.
03:13You have influence with Goldie Hawn?
03:15Me?
03:17You?
03:17Why?
03:18What do you mean, why?
03:19Oh, come on, Chrissie.
03:20For months I've been asking you.
03:21You all said, no, we mustn't get involved.
03:23We share the same flat.
03:24Now, what's changed?
03:25My mind.
03:26I'll buy that.
03:26Where shall we go?
03:27How about my firm's annual staff dance?
03:30I see no reason why.
03:31The tickets are £3.50 each.
03:33I've suddenly thought of a reason.
03:35And since I am asking you, I shall pay for them.
03:39Ah, do you know, there are times when women's lip makes sense.
03:43Will you, um, buy me some chocolate as well?
03:46My, if you let me get you in a shop doorway afterwards.
03:51Yes, I knew it.
03:52You just want my body, don't you?
03:53Well, I haven't quite decided, but bring it with you just in case.
03:56Right.
03:57Staff dance right.
03:58Actually, you've made a wise decision there, you know.
04:00Trendy young fellow on your arm.
04:02You'll make all the other girls wild with envy.
04:04Yes, you've made an obvious first choice.
04:05You weren't her first choice.
04:07That was Peter.
04:08You weren't her second choice either, because that was Steve.
04:10Well, third time lucky.
04:11You wouldn't have been her third choice if Ginger had been six inches taller.
04:14If you mind, I've only just talked him into it.
04:17Listen, you're sure old Roper didn't turn you down as well?
04:20No, look, it wasn't like that.
04:21I just didn't want to go with one of the smooth types from work.
04:25You fancied a bit of ruck?
04:28I understand. Shall we eat?
04:34Oh, that was absolutely superb.
04:37Golly, you are a fantastic cook.
04:40Listen, you're not going to get round me with understatements.
04:42I said I'd go with you, and I will.
04:44That's unless, of course, your first or your second choice changed their mind.
04:48Look, you were my first choice.
04:50It's just that I didn't really think you'd enjoy it.
04:52Stop there. Why not?
04:54Oh, no, no, no. I didn't really mean that, exactly.
04:56Yes, you did, because there's an element of truth.
04:58Now, come on, Jo, what's the staff do like?
05:00Oh, it's great. Do you like that kind of thing?
05:03Well, what kind?
05:03Look, that's what I'm trying to find out. What kind of thing?
05:06Dancing.
05:06You know, I thought the hint of garlic...
05:08Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. What sort of dancing?
05:10Well, strict tempo. The waltz and all that, you know.
05:13I mean, you can waltz.
05:14What, the slow, slow, quick, slow stuff?
05:18You can't.
05:19Listen, I can move it about with the best of them.
05:21You're not supposed to move it about in strict tempo.
05:23You're supposed to keep it still.
05:26Look, don't worry about things.
05:27I'll teach you. I'll go and dig out some records.
05:30They have a hokey-cokey as well.
05:31Well, that's the one where you put it in and you shake it all about.
05:37Yeah, yeah, that sounds more like it, yeah.
05:39Listen, who's this Peter guy?
05:42Oh, he's the assistant managing dreamboat.
05:45He's tall and good-looking. Chrissie fancies him.
05:47Hmm, tell me this.
05:48Mainly because he's a smashing dancer.
05:50Oh, right, all right, but just tell me this.
05:52Do you think he could cook a meal like that?
05:54Not while he was dancing.
05:55Oh, yes.
05:56We've got absolutely nothing in strict tempo.
05:59I mean, you can't foxtrop to Tony Hancock and the blood donor.
06:01Well, perhaps the Ropers have got some.
06:04I'll pop down there.
06:05And I tell you what, if the urge for you to wash up comes over you,
06:08don't fight it, all right?
06:28Oh, hello, Mr Tripp. Come in.
06:31I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
06:33Oh, no, I'm just in the middle of a little romance.
06:35Well, I'll come back later.
06:36Oh, dear.
06:37It's all right, dear.
06:38No, it's a book, you see.
06:40Hold Fast My Heart.
06:42Rosemary Quilp.
06:43Oh, very nice.
06:44Oh, it's lovely.
06:45It's all about this young Jesuit priest who looks after all the down and outs, you see.
06:51I mean, all the human flotsam washed up on the shores of society.
06:55Well, sounds about it, love.
06:58Actually, I came down if I could borrow a couple of records.
07:00Records?
07:00Oh, well.
07:02We haven't got any modern stuff, love.
07:03No, that's all right.
07:03Something like, you know, Victor Sylvester.
07:06Yes, that's what I mean.
07:07We haven't got any modern stuff.
07:08I mean, we stopped short at Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians.
07:15Who?
07:16Oh, look, now, this is more your generation.
07:18Dennis Lotus and Lita Rosa.
07:22That'll be fine.
07:23You see, I just want to learn a couple of proper dance steps before Saturday.
07:26Oh, well, this is the one you want, dear.
07:28Oh, move the coffee table, will you, please?
07:30Yeah.
07:31Yeah, right.
07:33We'll need a bit of room.
07:35Oh, well, actually, I'll...
07:38One, two, three, one, three, one, come here, come on.
07:48That's it.
07:49Now, right, left foot forward.
07:52Well, which left foot?
07:53I've got two, you see.
07:54Well, look, just do what I do, all right?
07:57Now, one, two, three, one.
08:02No, no, love, no.
08:05You're doing the woman steps.
08:06You should be coming forward.
08:08So, come here, that's it.
08:10Now, right, now, left hand here.
08:12That's it.
08:13Right hand in the small of my back.
08:16Oh!
08:16Uh, Mr. Roper's out, is he?
08:21Yeah.
08:22British Legion.
08:24Right, now.
08:26Left, forward, left.
08:30You're as stiff as a poker, love.
08:37I've sort of got my mind on what's coming next.
08:39All right, now, forward, side, together.
08:45Forward, side, together.
08:47Go on again, mate.
08:4839 to get with three darts.
08:50First one straight into the treble 11, right?
08:53Very tricky.
08:54That means I've got to get four double one.
08:56You'll never do it, they say, you'll never do it.
08:57Guess what happened?
08:58You didn't do it.
08:59Yeah.
09:00Oh, yeah, I did it.
09:01I've shown...
09:02What's this?
09:05Uh, uh, it's the waltz, you see.
09:07Uh, Miss...
09:08Sorry.
09:09Mrs. Roper was just showing me how to do it.
09:10Oh, yeah?
09:11Oh, I used to like the tango, myself.
09:13Oh, yeah?
09:13Oh, yeah.
09:15The lights see him every Saturday night.
09:17I caught Edmund O'Ross watching me once, you know.
09:19Yeah, I'm not surprised.
09:21He was playing the samba at the time.
09:25Tell you what, they used to clear the floor when I did the tango.
09:27Yes, well, I mean, they had to.
09:29Proper little dodgem car you were.
09:32There we are.
09:34George, you remember this one?
09:37Come on, George, you pretend to be the man.
09:41Don't be saying it.
09:43Oh, you're coming, all right?
09:52You're leading, Mildred.
09:54Uh, I said cheerio.
10:06Ha-ha!
10:08You've still got it, you little devil.
10:10Slow, slow, quick, quick.
10:24You're coming along really nicely.
10:26You know, it'd be much easier if I had one black foot and one white one.
10:31Glad to see you keeping at it.
10:33I'll tell you what, it half gives you a shoulder ache, this dance.
10:35Yeah, well, you should learn how to do a reverse turn, then you wouldn't keep hitting the walls.
10:39Listen, I've just worked it out.
10:40You need three feet to do a reverse turn.
10:43What about the poor girl?
10:44We have to do it backwards.
10:46Oh, that's nice.
10:47Peter's favourite colour.
10:48Peter?
10:49Who's Peter?
10:50Peter was your first choice.
10:52You know, the one that's turned you down, has taken another girl to the dance.
10:54Actually, you know, I prefer you in green.
10:56Well, hard luck.
10:57Oh, don't take it out on Robin.
10:59He's been practising really hard all day.
11:01I've never heard such foul language.
11:03Oh, sorry.
11:04How's it going?
11:05Not bad.
11:06I can quick step to anything.
11:08Tell you what, Jo, put on a record.
11:09Any old record, right?
11:10Now, shall we give it a go?
11:11All right.
11:12All right, then.
11:14All right, Jo, off we go.
11:15Slow, two, three.
11:21Quick, two, three.
11:23How am I doing?
11:24Two, three.
11:24Very well.
11:25You picked it up very well.
11:26Take your hand off my bottom.
11:27Oh, sorry.
11:30Honestly, I really appreciate you going to all this trouble just for me.
11:32Yeah.
11:33No, really, it's nice.
11:34And I'll be very proud to be with you on Saturday.
11:37Especially if you have a haircut.
11:38What?
11:39Well, you only have to have a little trim.
11:41You can grease the rest down with hair cream.
11:43Christy, I'm going as me, not Dennis Compton.
11:45Hello, everyone.
11:47I just popped up to do you a favour, son.
11:49Yeah?
11:50Yeah, you know that dance you're going to?
11:51Well, you need a proper dinner jacket, won't you?
11:54What?
11:54Yeah, well, you see, I'm quite willing to sell you my old one at a very reasonable price.
11:59No, Liz Roe, you've got it all wrong.
12:00You see, it's not a black tie do and all that nonsense, is it, Chrissy?
12:03Well, I was actually going to tell you about that, Robin.
12:06Oh, no way.
12:07Find somebody else.
12:08Sorry.
12:09What?
12:38I mean, I mean, come on.
12:54I mean, I'm not going to go anywhere in this, am I?
12:55Hey, don't be hasty, son.
12:57That cost me nine quid at the 50-shilling tailors, actually.
13:00Look, there's a stain on there.
13:03There's a football button on there.
13:05All you have to do is fold your arm over like that.
13:07Oh, yeah, but you've got moth holes over there.
13:08Keep that arm straight down and no-one will notice.
13:10Yeah, what do you think? Go on, tell him how he looks.
13:14How he looks, son.
13:16How would you describe it, Joe?
13:18Yeah, I'll tell you what.
13:18You can have the whole thing for four quid, including the celluloid dickey.
13:21Joe, you're not trying to sell him that thing.
13:25I've thrown it out twice.
13:26Oh, he looks very good, innit?
13:28He looks ridiculous. Take it off, Mr Tripp.
13:30Thank you very much, Mrs Roper.
13:31Oh, just come up to return your book, dear.
13:34Oh, I did enjoy it.
13:35I haven't cried so much for years.
13:38Oh, I never got beyond the first chapter.
13:39As soon as I saw a row of asterisks, I went right off it.
13:42Oh, well, that wouldn't worry you, dear, if you had an imagination like mine.
13:45What's it about?
13:46Oh, it's about this young Jesuit priest who wrestles with himself and finally wins.
13:51How could he lose?
13:53Well, you know, this girl, he gives her up because of his love for all men.
13:57Yes, I know the tie.
13:58You know, I'll tell you what, I might come down to three quits.
14:02I might even come down to two quits.
14:03You'll come down to the bin and throw it out.
14:05Come on.
14:07I don't see you before Saturdays, dear.
14:08Enjoy yourself.
14:10Hey, how about ten ball?
14:13Right, that's it.
14:14No penguin suit.
14:14Can't go.
14:15Right?
14:16Wrong.
14:20What time's Steve picking us up?
14:21Any minute.
14:22Listen, are you wearing your gold earrings tonight?
14:24No.
14:25Oh, good, because I've got them on.
14:26Oh.
14:28Oh, who's pretty boy, then?
14:31Don't you start.
14:33Listen, if anybody throws a fish to me, I'm leaving.
14:35You look very smart.
14:37I feel like a licorice all sort.
14:40Everyone's going to know it's hired.
14:41No, they won't.
14:42Not if you wear it with a casual elegance, as though you're used to it,
14:45and take the moss-bross ticket off your sleeve.
14:48Listen, everybody will know that it's had because I'm going to tell them.
14:51I don't look a thing I go looking around like this all the time.
14:54You look really smart.
14:56You're bow-tie right down to your pimpsils.
14:58Pimpsils?
14:59I'm going to change them.
15:02You can see a face in these things.
15:03Well, don't look down, then.
15:05You didn't get a haircut, did you?
15:07I'll wrench a couple of handfuls out on the way, all right?
15:09Listen, you two don't have to argue.
15:11You're not married.
15:12Your bow-tie isn't straight.
15:15Looks all right, I mean.
15:17Be quiet.
15:18I'm listening up for Steve.
15:19Oh, that's all we need.
15:23He's picking us up in an ice cream van.
15:26That's not him.
15:28Oh, what a shame.
15:29You know, we could have had a nice lolly on the way.
15:31Right.
15:32All right now?
15:33Yeah.
15:34Fine.
15:34You look fine.
15:36Actually, no, to tell you the truth, this outfit sort of gives you a, well, sort of sophisticated
15:40feeling, you know?
15:41Like, er, going down to Glyndebourne for the double skulls.
15:45Potting a couple of pheasants in the interval.
15:47Oh, you'll enjoy yourself.
15:49Yeah?
15:50It's here.
15:50Oh, now look, er, don't have too much to drink, er, don't use any bad language, er, don't
15:55tell any of your awful jokes.
15:57Just enjoy yourself.
15:58Oh, now look.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:34Actually, you're not supposed to do that until we collect it.
16:37Er, excuse me, er, you will remember that, you know, when we come back to collect our
16:44coats that I have actually put some money in the, er, perhaps I should take it back now.
16:50Or on the other hand, er, probably not, I'll, er, I'll leave it there.
16:55Good.
16:58Oh, hell, they've put us on separate tables.
17:01Oh, well, these things happen, nothing to get upset about.
17:03I'm not, but you're stuck with Marjorie and Denise.
17:06Oh, hell.
17:07I'll tell you something else.
17:08Peter's just a few little more.
17:10Hello, Chrissie.
17:11Hello.
17:13Hey, listen, we're on the same table as Marjorie and Denise.
17:16So, what's the matter with them?
17:17So, for one thing, they're the firm's jungle drums.
17:20Anything you say will be taken down and used in the powder room.
17:23Oh, let's give them something to gossip about, eh?
17:25No, you see, they're both of their boyfriends.
17:27One's an architect, the other one's a chartered accountant.
17:29So?
17:30So don't let on you're only a cookery student, OK?
17:32Hello, Robin, this is Marjorie and Denise.
17:47Hello, hello.
17:49Nigel.
17:50Nigel, you must be the architect.
17:52Stuart.
17:53Chartered accountant by the look of you.
17:55Well, well, well, this is going to be fun.
18:12Yes, I do like your dress, Chrissie.
18:15Such a saving if you're handy with a sewing machine.
18:18Oh, it is.
18:20Yours is nice.
18:21They had one just like it in a local shop window.
18:23Oh?
18:25For months.
18:28We were just discussing tennis.
18:30Do you play at all?
18:31No, well, I don't get too much time in my line of business, do I, Chrissie?
18:35Robin, perhaps you'd like to get us a drink?
18:37Oh, please, have some of ours.
18:41Perhaps you prefer squash.
18:42No, no, that'll be fine.
18:43Oh, I'm sorry.
18:45Sorry.
18:46No, no, that's not my cup of tea.
18:48As I said before, I don't get a lot of time in my line of business, do I, Chrissie?
18:52Yes, sir.
18:53What is your line of business, eh?
18:56Thank you very much.
18:56Oh, nothing special.
18:57I'm a Jesuit priest.
18:58See, I do most of my work amongst the down-and-outs, the human flotsam cast on the shores of society.
19:09How fascinating.
19:11Yes.
19:11Shouldn't you be wearing a...
19:13Uh, dog collar, no, you're thinking of the Dominicans.
19:15Oh, yes, of course.
19:16You see, I feel it's our duty for all of us to give up the pleasures of the flesh, squash and tennis, and, er, to give a little more to those who are less fortunate than ourselves.
19:27Oh, yes, indeed.
19:28Yes, I do what I can for the poor wretches, you know.
19:32But there is a desperate need for chartered accountants and architects.
19:38Shall we dance, eh?
19:40I'd love you, please.
19:41You will excuse us?
19:42Yes, of course, of course, of course.
19:47I'm murdering you.
19:48Don't you dare tell anyone else you're a Jesuit priest.
19:50Hello, Chrissie, I wonder if you'd like to...
19:52Hello, Peter, this is Robin.
19:53Bless you, my son.
19:55Yes, how do you do?
19:58You're not with our firm, are you?
20:00No, no, no, I'm a brain surgeon.
20:01Oh.
20:02And I do a lot of my work with the down-and-outs.
20:04I'd love to dance.
20:05The human flotsam cast on the shores of humans.
20:11You sure your girlfriend won't mind us dancing?
20:14I knew you thought that.
20:15She's not my girlfriend, she's my sister.
20:18Oh, yes.
20:18She's staying with me for a fortnight.
20:20I had to bring her with me.
20:22Oh.
20:23Now, that's better, isn't it?
20:25Are you sure your boyfriend won't mind?
20:27Oh, it makes no difference to him.
20:29He's a Jesuit priest.
20:30Oh.
20:48Do you want a new work?
20:52Yeah.
20:52Listen, you don't want to work.
20:54Oh, I would, but you're such a rotten dancer.
20:56Well, at least you're honest.
20:57I hate that in a woman.
20:59Well, you can't tell.
21:00We plough straight through the bed.
21:01Oh, somebody should.
21:04Sorry to monopolise her.
21:05That's quite all right.
21:09Listen, you will save me one dance, won't you?
21:11Even if it's only God save the Queen.
21:13I'm sorry.
21:13I didn't mean to leave you sitting on your own.
21:15I wasn't.
21:15I was talking to this big fat lady in the pink...
21:17Oh.
21:20You must be very proud of him.
21:23So young to be a member of Parliament.
21:26Yes.
21:27And all that work among the down and outs.
21:30That's it.
21:31I'm going to dance with Keita again.
21:33I warn you, I shall raise a question in the house.
21:34As I was saying, this is my kid sister, Maddie.
21:37This is Robert.
21:38Robin.
21:39Yes.
21:40Shall we...
21:40Why not?
21:44Looks as if I've been dumped on you.
21:46That's all right.
21:47Don't worry.
21:52Do you dance?
21:53Not this stuff.
21:54I can move it about with the best of them, but not this.
21:58Would you like a drink, Maddie?
21:59Yes, please.
22:02This is not your scene, then?
22:04I feel like a fish out of water.
22:07Meet a penguin.
22:08Hello, Penguin.
22:10You're not with the sperm, are you?
22:12No, no, I'm a...
22:14Well, don't let's go into that.
22:15What about you?
22:16Oh, nothing much.
22:17I'm still a student.
22:18Reading Polytechnic.
22:19What subject?
22:20Domestic science.
22:21You know, cookery.
22:23That's fantastic.
22:24I'm a cookery student.
22:26No.
22:26Yeah, my third year.
22:27Well, you're ahead of me.
22:29Look, I'll tell you what.
22:30Why don't we, uh...
22:32Why don't we split from here?
22:34Come back to my place.
22:35And I could, um...
22:36Show you a part of my recipes.
22:38No, I'm ahead of you.
22:39Let me finish my wine first.
22:41Okay, great.
22:42You're not dancing, then, Father?
22:45Uh, no.
22:46You're his father.
22:47Didn't he tell you?
22:47He's a Jesuit priest.
22:49This is a slightly selfish thing.
22:50How are you getting on with our brain surgeon?
22:52Brain surgeon?
22:53No, I can explain.
22:54Tell me.
22:55How long have you been a member of Parliament?
22:58No, you see, this is all a mistake.
22:59I think it was.
23:00You're some sort of a compulsive liar.
23:03He tried to convince me he was a cookery student.
23:05But I am.
23:05I can't stand men who have to lie to get a girl's interest.
23:09But I am a cookery student.
23:11How do you fit it in with your parliamentary duties?
23:15Look, you've got it all wrong, you see.
23:16I was hired from an escort agency.
23:18Rent a bloke.
23:1950p an hour.
23:20Her time's up.
23:21Good night.
23:27Morning.
23:28You left early.
23:29I had to.
23:30There was a pumpkin picking me up at midnight.
23:32What time did you two get in, then?
23:35Well, I've got back about one.
23:37Chrissie's not in yet.
23:39I see.
23:43No, you don't.
23:45You've got a nasty, suspicious mind,
23:47and you shouldn't think things like that about Chrissie.
23:49Listen, all I said was, it's I see.
23:52Yes, but it's the way that you said it.
23:54What happened to you last night?
23:56What happened to me?
23:58Oh, listen, what happened to you?
24:00Now, I'll withdraw that question.
24:02I mean, you know,
24:03if you want to spend the whole night with this Peter,
24:06it's entirely up to you.
24:07As a matter of fact, I did.
24:09I see.
24:10No, you don't.
24:11I spent the night in outpatients.
24:13You what?
24:15He wrenched it as he was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:21His ankle.
24:22His ankle.
24:22His ankle.
24:30He wrenched it as he was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:31He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:32He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:33He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:34He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:35He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:36He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:37He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:38He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:39He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:40He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:41He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:42He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
24:43He was shaking it all about in the hokicot.
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