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00:01I feel like you're holding back, mate.
00:02If we're gonna put this on line, we're gonna need more from you.
00:04Like, more arrogance in your face?
00:06Yeah.
00:08Yeah, that's it.
00:09That's it.
00:10And a goal!
00:11And that's it!
00:17Who's that?
00:18It's just the morons outside.
00:19They think they're funny, making my grandma do random things
00:21then they put it on TikTok.
00:22Scouse nan causing mayhem or something.
00:25That's your nan?
00:26No way!
00:27Are they live now?
00:28I can't believe it!
00:30The opening goal!
00:32The ideal way to start!
00:34To the Mr Ronaldo!
00:35Sue!
00:36Sue!
00:37Sue!
00:38Hey, great job with the shirt off, Pat.
00:40He'd absolutely smashed it.
00:41Completely silenced the Bernabeu.
00:43Last one now, eh, boys?
00:47She doesn't like you.
00:48Oh!
00:49What's she gonna do now?
00:50Shirley!
00:51Yeah!
00:52And a goal!
00:53Here's the hands we're popping!
00:55The monster monster!
00:56The vinegar!
00:57You said you were gonna get me free bingo tickets.
01:00I did.
01:01I got you them for last Saturday, lad.
01:03You know I go to Angie's tango class on a Saturday.
01:06You know that, Rhys?
01:07That's heavy, that lad.
01:10Lingering beef about that quid I took for going to shop for her!
01:13Yeah, let me do one!
01:14Let me do one!
01:15If I was a professional, my trademark celebration would be running into the crowd, put me face
01:20right into Reece Smart's arse, and while I'm in there, be pointing to the heavens.
01:24ah, ah, ah!
01:37Hi, everyone!
01:38How very much that?
01:39Sorry to disturb your lunch break, but I've sent out an email, because it's National Diversity
01:46and Inclusion Week.
01:47When is it going to be you leave us alone?
01:48Week!
01:49I don't care if the Jaffa cake identifies as a cake belongs in the biscuit tin!
01:53Mr Meech and I have set up a homework task.
01:57You need to pair yourselves up with someone who is your opposite
02:00and experience their lives over the next few days.
02:04Sit down, Brimble!
02:05Sit down, Brimble!
02:06Sit down, Brimble!
02:08Sit down, Brimble!
02:10Sit down, Brimble!
02:11Sit down, Brimble!
02:13Sit down, Brimble!
02:14Sit down, Brimble!
02:15On Wednesday!
02:16Sit down, Brimble!
02:17You will both do a presentation in front of the whole school.
02:20You'll speak about your differences and what common ground you've found.
02:25Diversity.
02:26No one cares!
02:27Embrace it.
02:29Share it.
02:31Celebrate it.
02:33Brimble!
02:35And Mr Meech is offering a £500 prize for the winning presentation.
02:41Who would you want to be?
02:47Perhaps someone really unpopular.
02:50Like...
02:51Like her.
02:54God, you know, I can't be arsed with these presentations.
02:58I'm just not going to win, am I?
03:00Aw, you're just so cute together.
03:11Cheers, girl.
03:12And do you know what?
03:13It doesn't matter that he doesn't speak English, cos I know exactly what he's saying through his eyes.
03:18Like, just then, he said, I'm going for me lunch.
03:22So the Brimble just came up to you and asked to be part of us?
03:25Well, she asked us if I was a practising Muslim first.
03:28I told him I am.
03:29Which is, yeah, not a bit.
03:31Well, get away with that, lad.
03:33What do you mean?
03:34Oh, we should be partners, mate.
03:36I could win this.
03:37Diversity loves a gay.
03:39That's one of the most beautifully tolerant things you've ever said to me.
03:45Nob.
03:46I'm fuming.
03:49How am I supposed to show my acting skills when this is who I'm put with?
03:54Smoked someone the other day.
03:55Lad was a United fan?
03:56Oh, yeah, fucking Scruff.
03:57Did he?
03:58Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
03:59Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
04:00Oh, sorry.
04:01He's just finishing pro clubs on FIFA.
04:03Do you know why I feel for you, girl?
04:05Cos, you know, me and Zayed, we were practising our audition this morning.
04:08And you can proffer get in the zone with the right partner.
04:11Sir, me and Zayed, we're going to audition next.
04:15Now he is from Libya, so he doesn't speak English.
04:18So we're going to do, like, a non-verbal audition.
04:20Well, that's not going to work.
04:21Why?
04:22Are you racist against people who don't speak English, sir?
04:27Are you a big bad Nazi, are you, sir?
04:30Why do you look so guilty, sir?
04:32Get your kit off.
04:33Show us you haven't got a swastika to ask who, sir.
04:35Zayed?
04:36In no way did I intend...
04:41Sir, he doesn't speak English.
04:43Oh, now you're just a patronising racist.
04:45Come on, Zayed, let's prove to the racists
04:48that we can show Romeo and Juliet a connection without language.
04:55Sorry.
04:57Baby, I'm dancing in the dark.
05:04You between my arms.
05:08It's out.
05:09No.
05:14I have faith in what I see.
05:18Now I know I have had a name.
05:22No.
05:50Shukran.
05:52Lachy bastard.
05:55Dad, I'm bringing this girl over, but I kind of told her I was a proper Muslim
06:00so I could do this opposite homework with her.
06:02Stuff for Allah!
06:03I tell you never to bring evil white girl to this house, am I?
06:06Dad, I'm being serious.
06:07We need to be Muslim.
06:08I don't care how serious you are.
06:11Your grandad's been trying to get you in a mosque for years.
06:14Now some girl comes out and you want to pretend to be Muslim.
06:17Are you having a laugh?
06:19All right.
06:20Son, what's this girl like?
06:22Two words, Mum.
06:24Superb.
06:25That's one word.
06:26Oh, I'm celebrating Eid al Hadha.
06:29At her.
06:30At her, yeah, dad.
06:32Are you going to help?
06:33Yeah.
06:34Go on then.
06:35Sad.
06:36So, like, I know you're gay, but surely if that bird who played Wonder Woman wanted you,
06:43you obviously would.
06:44Oh, yeah?
06:45I'd completely abandon my whole genetic and hormonal makeup for her.
06:49Yeah?
06:50Her thoughts on me.
06:51She's fit, isn't she?
06:52Yeah.
06:53You see, what's good is she going to get to experience a progressive modern-day Muslim family.
07:00I mean, sometimes she wouldn't even guess we're Muslim.
07:03Yeah.
07:04Wow.
07:05The way, press play.
07:07You are a disgrace.
07:12I shall never forgive you.
07:14Dad?
07:15Heid Mubarak.
07:18Apologies for my wife's behaviour.
07:21She is practising seclusion from public observation and had the audacity to show her feet.
07:28I still see your toes.
07:29Dad, it's Heid.
07:31And women celebrate with us, remember?
07:34You're right.
07:36She may join us for five minutes.
07:45I thought you wanted me to teach you how to be more earnest in life.
07:52I am earnest, me.
07:54Today I taught Miss Prescott, but if she had on all me fans, I'd definitely subscribe.
07:58But I actually want to do this task.
08:00Why?
08:01When you've already made your mind up about me.
08:03So just put a slide up saying the difference between me and Rhys in ten years,
08:07then Photoshop a pic of you in a suit with a £50 note, snorting cocaine off Jacob Rees-Mogg's bum cheeks,
08:14then me in a pair of Reebok classics, looking chattastic, standing outside the job centre with me 13 kids.
08:20Christopher, I'm home, love.
08:23What are you doing that for?
08:25You don't seem to care about doing any work.
08:27Are you even going to uni or is that a bit too grown up for you?
08:30Lad, I'm starting a junior year apprenticeship as soon as.
08:33I'll be earning a decent wage for a nice house,
08:35whilst you're sucking off the manager a little, desperate for a job,
08:39cos you're £50,000 in debt after uni.
08:41Then it'll be the grown up one.
08:42Christopher?
08:43What are you doing that for?
08:45I don't know, it's funny, innit?
08:46I just wanted to think that we're shagging.
08:48Turn it off!
08:50No!
08:51You can't do it!
08:52Get off your top!
08:53No!
08:54And...
08:55Oh, you're not funny, is it?
08:56No!
08:57Come in!
08:58You boys are certainly throwing yourselves into this get-to-know-each-other homework.
09:25So's Pat.
09:26Chris, he's a bit of a squealer.
09:28Ah!
09:33It is great that you all eat from the same plate.
09:36It's uniquely intimate.
09:38So bonding.
09:39I have something for you.
09:41Oh!
09:42Oh!
09:43Oh!
09:44Oh!
09:45Oh!
09:46Oh!
09:47Oh!
09:56Erm...
09:57Mohammed, why is she looking so confused? Huh?
10:00Is she not happy?
10:02You said the maher for marriage had been agreed?
10:04Yeah.
10:05It's such an honour to welcome you to our family, you know,
10:08as my future daughter-in-law.
10:10Absolutely what?
10:11That's not...
10:12He's always wanted to control a woman, hasn't he?
10:14You have. You have.
10:16Remember when your little boy used to take that Barbie?
10:19He'd say, you're my wife, you're my wife,
10:21and I'm going to hide your passport, tie you to a radiator.
10:24It was so cute.
10:26Sorry, I think there's been a misunderstanding.
10:29I am not here to be Mo's wife.
10:33I am here to learn about your religion.
10:37Yes, Mum. She's here to learn.
10:40Apologies.
10:41Would you please excuse him just while he prepares the main course?
10:44Done.
10:49I'll see you play now.
10:53We will now begin our Haid Qurbani celebration.
10:57The ritual slaughter of a goat.
11:02Would our guest of honour like to perform the sacrifice?
11:09No, I respect your religion, but I would rather not.
11:13Well then, cutthroat Mo takes the reins again.
11:17That's what we call him, because when he was five,
11:19he was a natural, real thirst for blood.
11:22So murderous.
11:23Dad, that is no longer a tradition we follow.
11:30Just, yeah, just give me a second.
11:32Sorry.
11:35No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
11:36Jews aren't too funny.
11:38Cutthroat Mo strikes again.
11:41Say, why are you only seeing lads and girls audition?
11:59Are you a homophobe as well as a racist?
12:01Romeo and Ricardo for the win.
12:03Ted makes a great point.
12:04And we need to be more inclusive with the languages for Ziad.
12:07I've popped an Arabic translation I found in the WhatsApp group.
12:10Maybe Mo and Ziad would like to audition as a pair?
12:15Um.
12:16Yeah.
12:18So?
12:18Why did you come to this country?
12:25I'm a Arabian.
12:27I don't want anything to be one another.
12:29I mean, you know, there was an Arabian in the WhatsApp group.
12:31You know, you know?
12:32I know you're talking about English.
12:34Why did you come to my Eloise?
12:39I'm going to add a little bit of things.
12:41But even if you were, why did you think that you liked it?
12:44I mean, the girl is a Muslim.
12:46I can't do that.
12:47I can't say anything.
12:49That's what I was saying.
12:51I was like,
12:52I'm not sure if I was young.
12:57I wrote about it.
12:59I wrote about it if you wanted me.
13:01I can't say anything.
13:06You're afraid.
13:08Yes.
13:11I understand you, my brother.
13:13We're going to tell you about it.
13:14I'll tell you, God, I'll tell you in God.
13:17You have your brother, and you can be your brother.
13:30Classic Shakespeare.
13:32Conflict to resolution.
13:36Fantastic boys.
13:37Alhamdulillah!
13:40Oh, there you are, mate.
13:42Listen, I really need your help.
13:46Reckon you've got any pictures of Pat when she was younger?
13:48Some seeing hallmarks of a decent bum, you know?
13:51I'm really messing.
13:52Though if you had any, I'd probably want to look out of curiosity.
13:55But anyway, you know Rhys is my...
13:57That really shy and retiring woman.
13:59Yeah, she came on to me.
14:00No, she didn't.
14:01Mate, swear down.
14:03We were in the canteen.
14:05Brought me over Alphabites.
14:07Gave me a wink.
14:08And I looked at them and I realised, I moved them round.
14:11It's spelt out, I want you con.
14:13I had to use the old more than once, but that's just a mistake on her part.
14:17That wasn't a coincidence.
14:19There's a lot of things that could spell.
14:21No, mate.
14:22Secret code.
14:25Proper torn, though, lad.
14:27Because it's banter.
14:29But it's not banter because...
14:32I wanna do it.
14:34Just Rhys is me mate.
14:38You should go for it.
14:40What if this week at school has taught us anything,
14:42it's to be your authentic self and people should accept that.
14:45Yeah.
14:46And my authentic self wants his head right up Jodie's arse.
14:51Nice one, lad.
14:52I'll see you later.
14:59Aye, pilgrim.
15:01Lips that they must use in prayer.
15:03Oh then, dear saint.
15:05Let lips do what hands do.
15:07Saints do not move, though ground for prayer's sake.
15:10Then move not while my prayers affect I take.
15:13Nah.
15:14I'm not having this, me.
15:15My face like that.
15:16I'm back to money.
15:17You dead.
15:18You sweaty lizard.
15:19Oi, you liar.
15:20What's all this about?
15:21Our gold star English student.
15:22Ted, friend.
15:23Fed.
15:24And bread.
15:25Pretend friend.
15:26Ah, yes.
15:27Ames found it on your Facebook.
15:28Look.
15:29Oh my God, he's still pretending.
15:30And here's me telling Ames we don't need to vet you
15:31because I know you'll pass.
15:32Oh, yes.
15:33Ames found it on your Facebook.
15:34Look.
15:35Oh my God, he's still pretending.
15:36And here's me telling Ames we don't need to vet you
15:37because I know you'll pass.
15:38Ames found it on your Facebook.
15:39Look.
15:40Oh my God, he's still pretending.
15:41We don't need to vet you because I know you'll pass.
15:43I've vetted you anyway because she's my mate
15:45and something about you is dodgy.
15:47In a non-racist way.
15:48We did the usual background, checking your socials
15:50for any scandals, looking at your internet history
15:52to make sure you're not a perv and no naughty shoes.
15:56And you only just passed that one, by the way.
15:58You've been added, lads.
16:00Yeah.
16:01You have.
16:02So don't you ever speak to either of us again in English.
16:07Or with your sexy brown eyes.
16:09Mate, Louise!
16:10Arzog!
16:11Habib to come back!
16:12Still pretending!
16:18So what was Rhys like as a kid?
16:23He struggled.
16:25It wasn't his fault.
16:28He had a lot to deal with.
16:30We didn't have anything.
16:31Sometimes the only food we could afford was 9p netto beans.
16:36I'm sorry.
16:37Sometimes I had to send him out into the street
16:40to steal other people's hubcaps.
16:42And when we were really desperate,
16:45I had to shove him through people's calf flaps
16:48to break into their houses.
16:50He was only four years old.
16:53Well, I see now why he is the way he is.
17:05I'm winding your ups up, Dad.
17:08Never mind what you see on the telly.
17:10We're not all sitting round eating crack out of a bin bag.
17:13Look, I suppose you can say
17:17that it's only ever been me and him.
17:21So I'm very proud of the man that he's becoming.
17:28Oi, oi! Here he is.
17:30Here's that tennis, son.
17:32Oh, nice one, Mum.
17:33Oh, see, you can bend down.
17:35Well, in that case,
17:36you can go and pick up your dirty plate
17:37and put it in the dishwasher, lazy arse.
17:40Right, I'm off to work.
17:42Give us that tenner back.
17:44Thanks, Mum. Go ahead.
17:45See you later. Love you.
17:46Love you.
17:52I think it's really great
17:53you're so committed to your schoolwork.
17:58Bet your mum would have been dead proud of you.
18:01Hey.
18:06Connor came on to me, Ma, last night.
18:08Nah, that's not funny, lad.
18:09He told me you told him to do it.
18:11Yeah, she did it.
18:12What do you say that tune for?
18:13I don't know.
18:14Funny, innit?
18:15Nah.
18:16Banter's funny.
18:17But nobody treats me, Ma, like that.
18:19Then be angry at him, not me.
18:21No.
18:22You should know better.
18:23You're lucky if I even do this presentation later.
18:25I suppose we can tell everyone I was so different then.
18:28Because one of us is proper disrespectful.
18:38Good afternoon to you all.
18:39Here at Oldsbrook, we are proud to promote a school culture that values diversity.
18:45So, without further ado, first up we have Connor and Ted.
18:51It's mad cos I love girls' arses and he loves lads' arses, don't you?
19:01Kieran and Lewis.
19:05Our main differences are, he bench is 270, I bench 275.
19:12And if you look, they're not really that different.
19:14Mine and Kieran's common ground is, we both generally love a good scrap.
19:19We'll batter anyone who wants it.
19:21And batter them again if needs be.
19:23Just slightly different in shape.
19:27So, maybe me and Ted aren't that different either.
19:34But we're most similar.
19:37Cos we're both humans.
19:39And humans make mistakes.
19:41I bet any one of them sand lads there on that pitcher make mistakes.
19:53Will you?
19:54Is that a purple?
19:55Lewis.
19:56Are you messing?
19:58It's not about the mistake.
19:59I want someone that's going to push me out of me comfort zone.
20:01She's had you up.
20:02You're not me Romeo.
20:03You're not me Romeo.
20:08What?
20:14I asked most parents to tell me a Muslim prayer because I wanted to share it with all of you today.
20:20What?
20:21So if you could please all join me in a call to Salah.
20:24No.
20:25Which means prayer in Arabic.
20:27Is this real?
20:28I can't believe he said this.
20:29If he's good enough for you, he's good enough for me.
20:43Straightest in the cross is where I wanna be.
20:46La la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la.
20:51La la la la la, la la la la la.
20:56He's good enough for you, he's good enough for me.
20:58Okay, okay.
21:04Okay.
21:06And now for the final pairing, we have Rees and Christopher.
21:11there were many differences I experienced when being with Reese but in truth I started to
21:21understand them I now understand that a family can abuse each other non-stop but love each other very
21:27much and I think love was our common ground I love for our mums you all laugh but you love
21:38your parents too it's just Reese has got the balls to show it he always sticks up for her and he always
21:45defends her I remember a time I was out with my mum and these idiots my age were harassing her
21:54saying idiotic things about her and I did nothing so I guess our biggest common ground was our fondness
22:05for our mums I just wish I'd shown my fondness more show your loved ones you care before it's too late
22:14I think we have our winners
22:28good afternoon everyone this is the moment we've all been waiting for the moment we announce the cast of
22:54the school play you see here at Oldsbrook character is destiny and playing the characters of Romeo and Juliet are
23:04what's soft what light through yonder window breaks it is the east and me Louise is the sun
23:34do you want you liar I was afraid look when we first met you assumed I didn't speak English and you
23:40seem to like that about me so I played along because because you are so beautiful I wanted to tell you the
23:47truth but you kept talking about our eyes communicating I was afraid you'd think our
23:52connection wasn't real but it is because it's not about our mouths it's not even about our eyes
23:59it's about our hearts but just give me a sec then
24:06I found these on the kitchen table
24:31do you take it to Friday off most man you can take one of your veggies from Angie's tango cross
24:35I want to squash this beef pat I'm sick of always looking over me shoulder
24:39oh
25:09Yeah, light it up.
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