- 6 hours ago
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00:00MUSIC
00:06Mr Beecher's making an announcement in assembly today.
00:09What?
00:10I think he's finally going to announce my three-tier campaign for change.
00:13No-one having to look at food in the canteen that makes them feel uncomfortable,
00:16the eradication of all JK Rowling books,
00:18and the creation of a safe space for all to thrive.
00:20I'm going to get me a new car.
00:22Hey, hey, hey!
00:23Settle down.
00:24The last thing we need is everyone spreading false rumours.
00:27Chill.
00:28Lad, the winner gets ten grand.
00:31An eight-star GCSE of their choice and a free Big Mac.
00:34That's boss, lad.
00:35Do you know the soldiers after we shit up?
00:37Yeah, sorry.
00:38And it's a nine, not an eight-star.
00:40I heard it's just an announcement about a new deputy head.
00:43Nietzsche Day.
00:44He's calling it proper dictator shit.
00:48And it's got to be Mrs Roberts because she's blackmailing them about exposing their affair.
00:52Are we going to be victims of an oppressor?
00:55Yeah.
00:56Or are we going to stand up and fight back?
00:59Fight back!
01:00So who's with me?
01:02Yeah!
01:03Hey!
01:04I heard he's going to publicly expel you as he's found out about all the deepfake porn you've made of Mrs Roberts.
01:10Ooh!
01:11What are you on about, you?
01:12Behave everything.
01:13Ahem.
01:14Heh.
01:15Good morning, everyone.
01:16As some of you may already be aware, I wanted to use this assembly to...
01:30Announce you, ma!
01:31Discuss what it means to be part of Oldsbrook High School.
01:32What's the point, ma?
01:33What about me, big ma?
01:34Quiet!
01:35This week marks the hundredth anniversary of our fine institution.
01:38A hundred years of this school fueling futures, building friendships, moulding minds.
01:40So, in honour of this momentous landmark, I want you to be aware, I wanted to be aware, I wanted to use this assembly to...
01:43Announce you, ma!
01:44...and discuss what it means to be part of Oldsbrook High School.
01:47Mr. Puchin, ma!
01:48What about me, big ma?
01:49Quiet!
01:50This week marks the hundredth anniversary of our fine institution.
01:55A hundred years of this school fueling futures, building friendships, moulding minds.
02:05So, in honour of this momentous landmark, we are going to host a celebration, this Friday, where pupils, past and present, can speak on how Oldsbrook has, and will, shape their legacy.
02:24Quiet down!
02:29You all right?
02:30Yeah, I'm all right. You all right?
02:31I'm all right.
02:32Right?
02:33You're coming to sing on Friday, then?
02:34Why?
02:35Are you giving a TED talk on how to successfully cheat on you, fella?
02:38No, I was thinking more of a TED talk on the dangers of online grooming.
02:41Oh, well, you have fun with that girl, cos on Friday, I've got a tease.
02:44Yeah?
02:45Is he picking you up in the van, I don't know?
02:55Hello?
02:59Hello?
03:03Well, you're not a good mom.
03:04I'm never gonna dance again.
03:08Guilty feet, I've got no rhythm, though it's easy to pretend.
03:14I know you're not a fool.
03:17I should have known better than to cheat a friend,
03:20and waste the chance that I've been given.
03:24So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I dance with you.
03:29You are not funny, Rhys.
03:32And getting me here under the promise of free dried apricots
03:35isn't funny, either.
03:36It was one kiss, lad.
03:37I didn't mean it, I'm sorry.
03:40Lad, please.
03:42Oh, shit!
03:44What's that, Ben?
03:45I know that I'm your homie.
03:48I ain't just gonna let that go.
03:51Are you still up for this date, though?
03:52I don't want you freaking out on me.
03:54I won't if you won't.
03:56Well, let's make it interesting, though.
03:58How about a bet?
03:59Oh, come on, then.
04:01I reckon you're gonna get a bartend she is way out of his league looks.
04:05You going higher all hour?
04:07I was thinking more,
04:09I bet I can pick a better first date spot than you.
04:12You're on, lad.
04:13Anyway, I'm used to all of that.
04:14She's out of his league looks.
04:17My ex was well fitter than you.
04:19Don't lie, don't lie, don't lie.
04:22All right, Dad, I've got this thing at school Friday evening.
04:27I'm thinking of speaking at it.
04:29It's about how school has shaped my legacy.
04:32I was just wondering if you want to come down.
04:34If not, no worries, just see you soon.
04:38Bye.
04:39When was the last time you sawed him?
04:42I don't know.
04:44It's been a while.
04:46I know you, lad.
04:50I can see you're a mess.
04:54You almost lost your best mate, Conor.
04:57And then, just when Clissy was getting over the death of his ma,
05:00you'd break his heart again by kissing his bird.
05:02And now your dad brutally binge off, having already neglected you for like six...
05:05All right, lad, she's just crunched.
05:07It's a lie, actually.
05:09Don't worry, lad.
05:12Mum's got a solution.
05:14Oh!
05:16Lad, what's that?
05:17When you know the future, it's easier to prepare for it.
05:20Come on, pick a number.
05:22This one's for you, man.
05:24Five.
05:25One, two, three, four, five.
05:28Conor.
05:29Reds.
05:33Hmm.
05:34What?
05:35Your man's going to run away with a waiter from Uzbekistan called Mustafo.
05:40Well, he does leave you a PS5 with FIFA, though.
05:43It's a black version, like,
05:45called the runnings and the kickings.
05:50We're going to figure this all out.
05:53That's what Mace do, innit?
05:55Come on.
06:02Here's your menus.
06:05Hmm.
06:06Not bad, James.
06:07Not bad at all.
06:08What?
06:09I've bitten to feet already.
06:10Oh, no.
06:11This place is shy compared to the place that I've picked, but good effort.
06:14Well, as I said online, it's one of the best date spots in the city.
06:17Mm.
06:18And clearly one of the most expensive, too.
06:20And there I was, thinking you were a regular.
06:22He soon will be.
06:25Seriously, though, mate, you know what the best thing is about this place?
06:29Kidsy free.
06:31Kidsy free!
06:32Why don't I get us a bottle, eh?
06:34Oh, you're all right.
06:35You really don't have to.
06:36Oi!
06:37Waiter!
06:38Waiter!
06:39Waiter!
06:40Waiter!
06:41I'm just going to use tea.
06:42Yeah.
06:44So, what are you getting you, then?
06:45What?
06:46For going on the date with him.
06:47Oh, no, that's not.
06:48Don't worry, girl.
06:49We are all doing it.
06:50Get on this.
06:51He bought me this today.
06:52From Newluck and Bootle Strands.
06:53Oh, go ahead.
06:54I mean, some girls get flow to Dubai for a Chanel bag, but it seems like you're living the dream.
07:01Yeah.
07:02Thank you, everybody for coming to this.
07:04The 100th anniversary of Longsbrook School.
07:06Please, thank you for waiting for the last event in 2021.
07:08We are all doing it.
07:09We are all doing it.
07:10Get on this.
07:11He bought me this today from Newluck and Bootle Strands.
07:13Oh, go ahead!
07:14Mm-hm.
07:15I mean, some girls get flow to Dubai for a Chanel bag, but it seems like you're living the dream.
07:18Thank you, everybody, for coming to this, the 100th anniversary of Oldsbrook School.
07:26Please take me away, come on, see you then, Dad.
07:32What are you, Dad?
07:33Sorry, I'm only getting back to you now, lad.
07:35Look, I'm not going to make you think.
07:38It's not really my scene, all that emotional stuff and that.
07:41Maybe ask your ma, yeah?
07:42But I tell you what, you did stare something in me, though,
07:44with all that legacy chat.
07:46I was having a proper good think about me own mark on the world
07:50and two words kept coming into me head.
07:54Top.
07:56Shagga.
07:57I'm sick of you, Dad.
08:03What if I'm not doing enough?
08:07Ella, you must keep going.
08:10Without you, my world is full of plastic.
08:15But what if I'm doing the wrong thing?
08:18The only wrong thing is to turn a blind eye to the suffering in the world.
08:23But what if I don't want to see the destruction and misery of the world?
08:27Ella!
08:28This is your gift.
08:31You must use it.
08:34Am I a voice to the voiceless?
08:36Yes.
08:37A voice to any and all who need you.
08:44Because we are one.
08:50Ladies, you, Gale.
08:51Thank you, Gale, Gale!
08:54He's not a voice.
08:57The tables aren't going to shock you, mate.
09:01Hey, you, keep your hands to yourself.
09:0410 times, Brooke.
09:04James Brock, we've had our fun this year, haven't we?
09:08But I'm tired of the games.
09:10The secrets, the lies.
09:13So now, it's time for the final review.
09:34She's there.
09:38Take it up!
09:40Take it up!
09:41Take it up!
09:43Take it up!
09:44Take it up!
09:45Yeah, it was me.
09:53Kieran Gibbons.
09:55I am your ma.
09:57Why'd you do it, lad?
09:58Because I'm sick of not being noticed.
10:00Of being nothing more than Lewis's right-hand lad.
10:02That's not true, lad.
10:05Isn't it?
10:06Mr Seven Wanks a day, taking in all the glory while I'm sat here tugging myself raw doing ten a day and no-one gives a shite.
10:12I give a shite, lad.
10:14I see you wanking.
10:16Lewis, get down!
10:17And I see it for what it really is.
10:19A cry for help.
10:22I see you wanking, lad.
10:23Listen, I'm not perfect, mate.
10:27Far from me.
10:28Some might even say I'm a bit of a perv.
10:30Yeah, 100%.
10:32But together, we can help each other.
10:39Together, we can be better.
10:43Wow.
10:43Oh, oh, oh.
10:45What a beautiful example of self-improvement overcoming toxic masculinity.
10:50Hey!
10:52Play the video.
10:53What video?
10:54The video.
10:55The full thing.
10:58Now!
10:58Are we going to see it?
10:59If this is what it takes to get you to believe me, then so be it.
11:03All right.
11:04Soon you'll meet the right girl and you'll want more, too.
11:08You reckon?
11:09Of course you will.
11:10Everyone loves you.
11:11I love you.
11:16She's a bad slaggy.
11:19What are you doing?
11:20I'm sorry.
11:20I didn't mean it.
11:21She's just pulled away.
11:21I love Chris Fett, Rhys.
11:23It's your mate.
11:23I know.
11:24I didn't mean anything by it.
11:25Just go home, Rhys.
11:27No way, lads.
11:28I do not mean to kiss someone.
11:30You fucked it, lad.
11:32Amy, I'm so sorry.
11:34Yeah, well, it's a bit late for that now, isn't it?
11:36Because if I need to provide evidence every time something goes wrong,
11:39if you can't trust me, then this isn't going to work.
11:49All right.
11:51I admit, you did pretty good with this one.
11:54Pretty good?
11:57It's perfect.
11:58It's just a shit, Leo DiCaprio!
12:00Shit, Leo DiCaprio!
12:05Almost perfect.
12:07Hey, come here.
12:08I found a list of essential first aid questions.
12:11Whoa, hold on.
12:13Didn't realise I'd signed up for an interview.
12:14Well, they're essential, James.
12:16The internet says so.
12:18Mate, if you could swap lives with any fictional character for the day,
12:23who would it be and why?
12:24Um, Winnie the Pooh?
12:27No, just chilling, eating honey with the boys.
12:30And suck off Eeyore, though, the little Muppet.
12:33What's the funniest memory you've created recently?
12:40Can I say any time I've been with you?
12:44You can.
12:48And where's a good one?
12:49Where did you see yourself in five years?
12:52It's a big one, eh?
12:53Is it?
12:54Well, yeah, well, where do you see yourself in five years?
12:56Er, in me mansion.
12:58Swimming in all my e-sports money and smoking cigars, obviously.
13:02But, like, seriously, though, like, do you ever think about that stuff?
13:06Like, the future and all that?
13:08Well, like, do you want to have kids?
13:09Settle down?
13:10Er, calm down.
13:11We've only just met.
13:12You know what I mean?
13:14Not now, but, like...
13:17Do you think you will?
13:18Well...
13:19I've been on five years now.
13:21There's so much that I want to do.
13:23Like, when I'm 21, I'm going to want to see the world,
13:31try different jobs and go on loads of adventures.
13:37What?
13:39It's just that when I'm 21, I'm going to want my world to get bigger, aren't I?
13:47You'll be 30 and you'll want your world to get smaller.
13:51Just kids, house, settle down.
13:55We don't know the future.
13:56Yeah, I know that, but...
13:59I do know that the longer that we do this, the more painful it's going to get.
14:03What happened to not throwing this away?
14:04Because we're scared.
14:05It's not about being scared.
14:06It's about just being brave enough to see what's coming.
14:09Well, so all that stuff you said the other night...
14:11I meant it. Like, I want this to work.
14:12So let's make it work.
14:13It does work, but it doesn't matter how good things are now.
14:17It's just never going to be enough to deal with what's coming.
14:22Please don't do this.
14:25You know, it's almost as if it's just out of our control,
14:30because it's going to happen whether we like it or not.
14:34That's why this has to end, James.
14:37I'm sorry.
14:38I'm sorry.
14:54It's Paul Potts, wasn't it?
14:55Paul Potts, Rhys.
14:58Did you put a poster up of Kim Jong-un,
15:01saying he was an exchange student here in 1999?
15:05Sorry.
15:07It was Paul Potts, wasn't it?
15:09Paul Potts, Rhys.
15:12But I know it was you.
15:15It had Rhys Duffy written on over it.
15:18Mind you, most of the pupils in this school wouldn't have a clue who he was.
15:25You see, I know you, Rhys.
15:28I know you because I used to be like you.
15:32Always playing the fool for an easier life where nobody expected anything.
15:36The trouble with that is, you carry on like that out in the big, wide world and
15:43people believe that's who you are.
15:46There's no going back.
15:50Is that your speech?
15:54It was.
15:54If anyone should make a speech at you, Rhys,
16:00there's no greater example of what this school's all about than you.
16:04You've tried to exclude me six times.
16:07Yeah, I know.
16:10And you're still here.
16:13Because this school believes in bringing our potential,
16:17helping our pupils see the talent they have and not be scared by it.
16:20So you suck up everything this school has to offer.
16:27And when you're older, you'll be glad you did.
16:38Thank you, sir.
16:40You're welcome.
16:43By the way, you're on your final warning for what you did on the museum trip.
16:47What did I do?
16:47I know it was you that told those Japanese tourists that I'm Morgan Freeman.
17:01Hi.
17:02Hi, everyone.
17:04I'm Mr Dunn, as you all know.
17:06I'm your teacher.
17:09Anyway, tonight I am going to read a poem that I wrote for someone
17:14who has been with me throughout my Oldsbrook journey.
17:19Someone who is very special to me.
17:23It's called The Night She Needed Him Most.
17:24A young boy, a young girl.
17:32A cycle of friendship to romance to friendship once more.
17:39To the night she learned her life would change forever.
17:43The night where she was crippled with fear,
17:45panic, worry for what the future held.
17:53But it was on this night that he disappeared.
18:00Consumed with fears of his own.
18:01The years passed, and we grew.
18:07But whilst her fears would disappear, his regret lingered.
18:14Time moved forward.
18:16But he could only look back.
18:21Wishing he could do it all differently.
18:24Just wishing he could return.
18:28And be there for her.
18:30On the night she needed him most.
18:38What the hell was that?
18:40It didn't even ran.
18:41I wasted 16 years for that.
18:54Please stick around.
18:55Mr. Meacher, we're giving his final address shortly.
19:03Does I miss the TED tour?
19:06What are you doing here?
19:08Bunch of bored and ulty heads giving speeches about how the school's here,
19:11made him into bored and ulty heads?
19:12How good I missed that.
19:20I entered things with James.
19:21What?
19:23Because of me?
19:24Ah, kiaan.
19:25Because of me.
19:32Hey, come on.
19:34At least you managed to escape that one of us.
19:41What the fuck?
19:43I knew something was going on.
19:45Is this what you've been doing?
19:47Going round being a slag with old William Shightsby?
19:50Nah, fuck this.
19:52Shit.
19:53Rhys!
19:55Rhys!
19:56Rhys!
19:58Don't make me run after you, lad.
19:59And how dare you speak to me like that?
20:01Sorry, I...
20:02Why is that what you think of me?
20:03I'm a big slag.
20:04No, why?
20:05Because I'm going out, god forbid, trying to have my own life,
20:08working another job.
20:09What other job?
20:13Mum?
20:14My housing officer.
20:15I got the job a couple of months ago.
20:19It's why I've been too busy all the time.
20:21Why didn't you tell me?
20:22Because I was scared I was going to fuck it up.
20:29I don't want you to think that I'm a failure.
20:33I'd never think that.
20:34I know you'll absolutely smash it.
20:37And even if you didn't, you'll never be a failure.
20:42Not to me.
20:43Look, Mum, I'm sorry for what I said.
20:46It's just me head's been...
20:49What?
20:50What's going on, son?
20:52I just feel like everyone's moving on.
20:55You, the lads, even me dad doesn't have time for me.
20:59And he's not even been around long.
21:02If everyone's moving on, where does that leave me?
21:07The day I had you was the best day of my life.
21:09And just because I've got to try and figure out who I'm going to be outside of being your mum doesn't mean I'm ever going to stop being your mum.
21:21I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what.
21:25Do you understand me?
21:25You listen to me, kid.
21:30Just because your dad is too thick to realise what he's missing by not being in your life, f***ing.
21:39Meet you, kid.
21:41Always has been, always will be, okay?
21:43I know.
21:45Yeah?
21:45Mr. Zonno.
21:49My mum.
21:55We've come to the end of what's been quite an unpredictable evening.
21:59And I'd like to thank you all for coming along and helping it.
22:02Excuse me.
22:05Sure?
22:05Well, to see us off, a few final words from Reece Duffy.
22:14Yes, lad!
22:20So, um, we were asked to speak about the school and how it shaped our legacy.
22:26But to be honest with you, apart from that absolute screamer I scored at most times,
22:33I don't know what my legacy is going to be.
22:35So I've made this thing I want to show you instead.
22:38I feel like it's more concrete, more real, more presence.
22:49Hey, speaking of things, look who's here.
22:52There is just no better feeling than being stuffed in every hole by three big piping hot cocks.
22:58One cock, injustice. Two cocks, injustice. Three cocks, justice.
23:05Did you get that?
23:07Oh, yes!
23:08Oh, yes!
23:09Oh, yes!
23:12Don't, don't, don't use it!
23:14Hey!
23:15Give me it, boy!
23:20Reece?
23:22Hey, sir, following young girls into alleyways, are we now, sir?
23:25No.
23:25I'm not getting any at home, are you, sir?
23:27Quite physically repulsive, are you, sir?
23:29So you prey on teenage girls because you think you can manipulate us, sir?
23:32Finally giving in to your sick ages, have you now, sir?
23:34I've been in TBS Chet, so.
23:36Say, I say.
23:37Oi, sir!
23:38A young boy, a young girl.
23:41What I say, you're the nonce, you know?
23:44Give me that back!
23:44Delete that!
23:45Right!
23:46Don't see Johnny!
23:56Now, your journey is about pursuing excellence in everything that you do,
24:03whether it's in the classroom, sports field, even in your friendships.
24:08Excellence is not just about being the best, it's about...
24:10Oh!
24:12Give me that bull, dad!
24:14Here we go, Reece Duffy like a whipper on the field.
24:19Oh, good boys, you've done it again!
24:21Oh!
24:26What's going on?
24:27Someone call the medic?
24:28Are you having a seizure?
24:31Look at this whopper!
24:33How do we feel about that, girls?
24:35Shut up, you posh monkey.
24:36Oh!
24:37OK!
24:38Very funny, but can we all just...
24:39Give me a pair of necklace!
24:42Seriously, Mr Meecher is trying to...
24:46Now, if you all don't stop, I'm going to...
24:48Finish your Meecher!
24:48Mr Meecher!
24:50Oh my God, that's Mr Dunn.
24:51Is that a tear, are you see?
24:53Crying ass.
24:54You're regretting your life choices, are you see?
24:56Wasted your life and a career you're not cut out for, see?
24:59Just fuck off!
25:00Philip, come and see me in my office.
25:06If you don't tell me who it is, I'm going to come down so hard and all the rest.
25:11Oh my God!
25:12Oh, sir!
25:13It's behind you!
25:14Yeah, over there!
25:16Mr Meecher!
25:18Let me rub that fool in the air!
25:24Hey, come on, come on!
25:25Go on, girl, that's where you're my painter, brah!
25:27Go on!
25:28What?
25:29What?
25:30And what was that?
25:31And Duffy?
25:33Shhh...
25:33Exactly.
25:34Shhh...
25:35What now?
25:36Oh, shit!
25:37You're shit!
25:38You're shit!
25:39Matt, hang on, what is this?
25:41What's going on here?
25:41You bring some crap!
25:53She's gone!
25:54Amy!
25:57She's gonna be the next Jordy Coleman!
26:00And Chris, she wants the boner!
26:02She's yours!
26:03Walk away!
26:04Walk away!
26:05Walk away!
26:06Mo Fassie!
26:07Hey!
26:08The lad who's always got your back!
26:10No, da!
26:11Unless you steal his as the mini flapjacks!
26:13Walk away!
26:14Walk away!
26:17Bo's block icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say!
26:24Just walk away, walk away.
26:29Horse block icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say, it's what they'll say.
26:35Just walk away, walk away, walk away.
26:42If you have got a sexual disease, you probably got it from my Louise.
26:49Just walk away, walk away.
26:52Cry-sea, the poshest Muppet I've never known.
26:58But he's still one of our owners.
27:01Just walk away, walk away.
27:05Horse block icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say, it's what they'll say.
27:10Just walk away, walk away, walk away.
27:15Horse block icons is what they'll say, it's what they'll say, it's what they'll say.
27:21Come with that fam!
27:23Yeah!
27:25Come on!
27:27I'm glad if you got a boning!
27:29No!
27:37Cos what I do know
27:39is that right now what we have
27:41is special. It's special because
27:43these are the best years of our life.
27:45Everything you feel, you feel
27:47it more deeply than you ever will
27:49because you're feeling it for the first time.
27:53Like
27:55the first time you fall in love.
27:57The first time
27:59you feel the pain of losing
28:01your best friend.
28:03The first time
28:05you feel a bond you'll know
28:07you'll have forever. The first
28:09time you feel valued
28:11it's something you look up to.
28:13So let's not run away from it.
28:15Let's run towards it.
28:17Let's appreciate it. Let's embrace it.
28:19Let's make the
28:21fucking most of it.
28:23Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace! Peace
28:53Don't you?
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