- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Do I smell Mom's special chicken noodle soup?
00:06That's right.
00:07A box of Lipton's and a cut-up hot dog.
00:10Man, that woman can cook.
00:14What are you so happy about?
00:15It's Michael. He's sick.
00:17That's a good thing?
00:19Yeah. A sick boy needs his mother.
00:21I'm necessary again.
00:24Oh, look at him.
00:25He looks so pale.
00:26Dude, you look awful.
00:30Yeah, I feel awful. I think I got the flu.
00:33Don't you tease me.
00:36Come on, sit down, honey. I want to take your temperature.
00:38Do you have a thermometer?
00:39I think I do, yeah.
00:41When I left Days of Our Lives, I took a whole box of stuff.
00:44Why don't they just let you take all that stuff?
00:46Then you shove it down your pants. I don't seem to mind.
00:50Why is there writing all over everything?
00:52Oh, that's dialogue.
00:53I used the props as cheat sheets
00:55when I had to remember difficult medical jargon.
00:57Hi, I'm Dr. Ramore.
01:01That took 20 takes.
01:04Yeah, this stuff really takes me back.
01:07All those years playing a doctor,
01:08I feel like I actually became one, you know?
01:10And these were the tools of my trade.
01:13Knee hammer.
01:16Ear looker.
01:19Oh, necklace.
01:20You want to be all right, you got to watch on.
01:38Come on.
01:39Everything's going to be all right now.
01:41Everything's going to be all right now.
01:44You want to be all right, you got to watch on.
01:48You want to be all right, you got to watch on.
01:59Hi, I'm here to read for the part of Outraged Man.
02:01Just sign in right here.
02:03Like hell, I will.
02:06Sorry, I bet people have been doing that all day.
02:08Nope, you're the only one.
02:10All right.
02:11There are a lot of people here for such a small part.
02:20There are no small parts.
02:22Only small actors.
02:26You mean children?
02:29I kind of need to go over my lines.
02:31Not me, you got it all right up here.
02:35Nope.
02:35Hey, buddy, you need to look on?
02:41Yeah, thanks, man.
02:43All right.
02:44Okay, got it.
02:46I'm Brian Michael David Scott.
02:49That's a lot of names.
02:51I'm a lot of actor.
02:54I'm Joey Tribbiani.
02:56Oh, please.
02:56I know who you are.
02:58Dr. Drake Ramore from Days of Our Lives.
03:00I'm a big fan of your work.
03:02Really?
03:03Oh, thanks, man.
03:04I'd offer you a Days of Our Lives t-shirt,
03:06but I only got two left,
03:08and I like to trade those for sex.
03:11So I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other.
03:13You know, probably up for a lot of the same roles.
03:15Male, mid-30s, dangerous, but sensitive.
03:21Man, this audition has taken a long time.
03:23I'm gonna call my agent.
03:26Speed dial.
03:29Hi, Lisa, it's Bri Mai.
03:31Look, huh?
03:32What?
03:33You're kidding.
03:34No, wait, wait.
03:35Don't blame yourself.
03:36I'll call you back.
03:37Bad news, man.
03:39They canceled this audition.
03:40They gave the part to someone else.
03:42And no one here told us?
03:44Now I really am outraged, man.
03:47Who'd they give it to?
03:48Probably somebody who was willing to sleep with the producers.
03:51That's how this town works, isn't it?
03:53There, I said it!
03:54I guess we can go, then, huh?
03:58You know what?
03:58You go.
03:59I'm gonna stick around.
04:01My, uh, apartment doesn't have air conditioning.
04:06All right.
04:07Really great meeting you, Brian.
04:08Brian Michael, David Scott.
04:10How do you feel about dude?
04:11Awesome, my brother.
04:12All right.
04:13Joey Tribbiani.
04:19Joey.
04:24Hey, did someone say my name?
04:26No, uh, no one did.
04:28But, uh, someday soon, everyone will.
04:43I'm gonna go fix you more tea.
04:45Hey, Gina, look, uh, you've been here for a couple days now without a break.
04:49Why don't you let me take over, you know?
04:50Go have a little Gina time.
04:51I don't have Gina time anymore.
04:54I'm a mother.
04:56I don't go out.
04:56I don't go on dates.
04:58I don't have fun.
04:59I don't do anything for myself anymore.
05:01So, you got those for Michael?
05:08Yeah.
05:09She's not going anywhere.
05:11How are you feeling?
05:12Not great.
05:14But everything's gonna be fine tomorrow.
05:16How do you figure?
05:17Well, if she doesn't leave by then, I'm gonna kill myself.
05:21Don't be so dramatic.
05:23She said we're gonna flush my system, Joey.
05:26I don't know what that means.
05:29Yeah, your grandmother was the same way when I was sick.
05:32I've had my system flushed.
05:35Makes you ask yourself some big questions.
05:39Come on, Joey, you gotta get up.
05:40Michael's about to take his nap in here.
05:41She makes me take a nap every day at 1.
05:44Not tomorrow, though.
05:47All right, all right, I'll go watch TV in my room.
05:49No, no, no, no, you can't.
05:50I put the humidifier in there.
05:51It's filling up with steam.
05:52What?
05:53You just take over my room?
05:54I got private stuff in there.
05:56Well, if you're worried about me reading your diary,
05:57it's too late.
05:59Dear diary, Gina's mean to me.
06:02That's going straight in the book.
06:05Look, Gina, I know Michael's sick,
06:07but this is my apartment.
06:08I need some space.
06:09Look, why don't you just go to my place?
06:10You can stay there till he gets better.
06:12I don't want to do that.
06:13There's lasagna in the fridge, and I have Cinemax.
06:15Get me the keys!
06:16No, thank you.
06:24It's easy when the words are this good.
06:27Hey, dude.
06:28Hey, Joey.
06:29How'd you do?
06:31Really well.
06:33Hey, I know we're in competition for this thing,
06:36but you know what?
06:36If I don't get it, I hope that you do.
06:39How about that?
06:40You are awesome.
06:42No, I'm just Brian Michael David Scott, Joey.
06:44Hey, you added a Joey.
06:48Joey Tribbiani?
06:49Yeah, right here.
06:51Oh, hey, buddy, listen.
06:52I got some inside info on this audition,
06:55and I wouldn't feel right about leaving
06:56without sharing it with my new best friend.
06:58Oh, great.
06:59What do you got?
07:00Uh, this casting director is deaf,
07:02so you gotta scream all your lines.
07:06Thanks.
07:06That is good to know.
07:07Maybe your husband's funeral
07:13isn't the best place to tell you this,
07:15but I love you, Sharon.
07:18I love you with all my heart.
07:22So when will I know if I got it?
07:27That's the middle finger in sign language.
07:28Yeah, well, Mother,
07:37I don't understand
07:38what you're so upset about.
07:39So they're gonna remove your uterus.
07:42What do you need it for?
07:45I gotta go.
07:47Yeah, I love you, too.
07:48Bye.
07:48Bye.
07:51Uh, what did you want to see me about?
07:52Yeah, I wanted to explain to you
07:54how the business works.
07:55See, you book a job,
07:57and I get 10%.
07:59Do you know what 10% of zero is?
08:02Uh, six goes into four.
08:05God!
08:06I have never wanted to slap you more.
08:10What?
08:11You're screwing up your career.
08:13You don't show up for an audition,
08:14you scream at a casting director.
08:16What?
08:16The only reason I did that
08:18is because he's deaf.
08:19Who told you that?
08:21Oh, this actor.
08:21I see him at all my auditions.
08:23He gives me pointers.
08:24Oh, wait a second.
08:26Is he the reason why
08:27you went into an audition,
08:28you threw away your script,
08:30and you started barking?
08:31Yeah, did I get that part?
08:32Oh, Joey.
08:34He's messing with your head.
08:36What?
08:37Yeah, your little friend
08:38is shoving crap up your pooper.
08:43Joey, you're such a sweet, naive guy.
08:47But you can't let people
08:48take advantage of you.
08:50I really liked him.
08:51I can't believe this.
08:52Yeah, well, I can't believe
08:53they take the fat out of my ass
08:54and put it in my lips,
08:55but they do.
09:02But then she surprises me.
09:04Like tonight,
09:05she generously offered me
09:06her place to stay.
09:09Well, I guess that's all for now.
09:11Until tomorrow.
09:13Sincerely...
09:18Love...
09:22Joey.
09:24Hey, baby doll.
09:49What?
09:52What?
09:52What?
09:53Who are you?
09:56Who are you?
09:56I'm Roger.
09:57I'm Joey.
10:00Well, that doesn't help us at all.
10:04I'm Gina's boyfriend.
10:06Gina doesn't have a boyfriend.
10:07I'm her brother.
10:08I would know.
10:09You're her brother?
10:10Oh, you're not supposed
10:11to know about me.
10:12You just pretend
10:13you don't know
10:14what's going on?
10:15I don't know
10:15what's going on!
10:17I have to decide
10:18which one of us
10:19gets to stay.
10:19Get out of here!
10:32Hey.
10:34So, I found out
10:35about your little secret
10:36last night.
10:37Oh, my God.
10:37Last night was Wednesday.
10:38I forgot.
10:39Poor Roger.
10:40Poor Roger?
10:41Poor Roger's bed buddy.
10:44That guy's all hands.
10:48Let's not make a big deal
10:49about this, okay?
10:50Just some guy
10:51I've been seeing.
10:52Well, so why didn't
10:52you just tell me about him?
10:53Because I knew
10:54you would tell Michael.
10:55So?
10:55So?
10:56He doesn't like to know
10:56about that stuff.
10:58When he was 12
10:58and I was seeing this guy,
10:59he built a biodome
11:01in the backyard
11:02and he wouldn't come out
11:02until I stopped dating him.
11:04What's a biodome?
11:05It's like a nerd fort.
11:09He's an adult, all right?
11:10If you could tell him
11:11if you're dating someone,
11:12it's silly not to.
11:18What's going on?
11:21Okay, Michael, come here.
11:22Your mother has something
11:23that she wants to tell you.
11:25Have a seat.
11:25Look, you know that I'm a woman
11:33and that I have needs.
11:34Oh, I don't like the direction
11:35of this at all.
11:37I've been dating somebody.
11:39It's been going on
11:40a couple of months now.
11:42Look, I know how sensitive you are.
11:43Are you okay?
11:45I'm fine.
11:46I just, I need some time
11:49to process this.
11:50Can you, can you just
11:51give me a minute?
11:52Of course.
12:01Yes!
12:02Yes!
12:03Yes!
12:04All right!
12:06What am I excited about?
12:08Don't you get it?
12:09She's finally met someone.
12:11Therefore, I'm no longer
12:12the only thing in her life.
12:14Wow, that is good.
12:15It's great!
12:16But she could fall in love.
12:17They could get married.
12:18I mean, what if he's one of those guys
12:19who wants to be with her
12:19every minute and,
12:20and, and is jealous of her son
12:21and, and he,
12:23and he turns her against me?
12:25Think of it!
12:27Yeah, yeah.
12:28We could be free.
12:30We could do whatever we want.
12:31We could, we could walk around
12:32here naked.
12:32We can, but let's not.
12:36Sorry, buddy.
12:37My parts are begging to breathe.
12:38We need to encourage my mom.
12:42I need to give her my blessing.
12:44Maybe we can have him over here.
12:45Yeah, yeah.
12:45This is incredible.
12:46It's the greatest day of my life.
12:47Come here.
12:50All right, could you just,
12:51just give us a minute?
12:52Yeah.
13:02Hey, Joey.
13:03Listen, I'm next,
13:05but a little heads up
13:06on this casting director.
13:07She just had a boob job
13:09and if you don't comment
13:10on them right away,
13:12she'll get very upset.
13:14Not this time,
13:15Brian Michael, David Scott.
13:16Hey, you got it right.
13:17Yeah.
13:18I wrote it on my hand
13:19so I wouldn't forget.
13:21Why didn't you just write it
13:22on a piece of paper?
13:23Oh, you'd like that,
13:24wouldn't you?
13:25Look, I know you've been
13:26screwing me out
13:27all these jobs
13:28and I want to know why
13:29right now.
13:30Okay, okay.
13:30You want to know why?
13:31Yeah.
13:32It's because I'm
13:33intimidated by you.
13:34Oh, sure you are.
13:35No, really.
13:37When I saw you
13:38at that first audition,
13:39I was like,
13:40I should just go home.
13:41This guy's amazing.
13:42Yeah, well,
13:43the director from yesterday
13:44doesn't think so.
13:45I barked at him
13:45and licked his face.
13:47I never told you
13:48to lick him.
13:49I was in the moment.
13:49I'm sorry I tricked you,
13:54but what am I supposed
13:55to do?
13:55I'm just a hack
13:57who's lucky to get a job.
13:59You're Joey Tribbiani.
14:01You're a real actor.
14:07Hey, look, man.
14:09There are no real actors.
14:11Only small children.
14:12I can't believe
14:16I treated you this way.
14:18I want to make it up to you.
14:19I'm next.
14:20They told me,
14:21go in whenever you're ready.
14:22You take my place.
14:23I'm not even going to audition.
14:26Really?
14:27Yeah.
14:27I've been a jerk.
14:28For me.
14:29Please.
14:30Please.
14:39Knock him dead.
14:42Damn you!
14:54Pick up milk!
14:57Bye, Michael Davis Scott!
15:03Okay, you guys.
15:04Roger's going to be here
15:05any minute to pick me up.
15:07Are you sure you're okay
15:08meeting Roger?
15:10Well, I can't say
15:11it's going to be easy.
15:12You know, me and the guy
15:13who's going to take
15:13my mother away.
15:15I'll try to keep
15:15an open mind.
15:18God, what a knock!
15:19I approve.
15:20Go to him!
15:27Hey, Gina.
15:28Hey.
15:30Roger, you know Joey.
15:31No, and we were
15:32in bed together.
15:33Hey, don't kiss and tell,
15:34Roger.
15:36And I'd like you
15:37to meet my Michael.
15:38Hey, what's shaking,
15:39little man?
15:40He is the chosen one.
15:45Why don't you guys sit down?
15:46Get to know each other.
15:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:51Perhaps a cocktail's in order?
15:53I trust everyone here
15:53likes Jaeger?
15:56So, Roger,
15:57we are so glad
15:58you're with Gina.
15:59We've never seen her happier.
16:00Really?
16:01She's always yelling at me
16:02and calling me names.
16:03Oh, no, no, no, no.
16:05That's how we
16:05Tribbiani show affection.
16:07Nerd.
16:08Washed-up soap actor.
16:13Virgin.
16:16Here we go.
16:18Three Jaegas
16:18and one NyQuil.
16:20Here you go, Papa.
16:22Whoa, did I just call you that?
16:23Felt so natural.
16:26We better get going
16:27if we want to make that movie.
16:28I'm just going to go
16:29fix my face
16:29so I look presentable
16:30for my gentleman friend.
16:31What do you do for a living?
16:43Well, I was working
16:44for a big construction company
16:46in Newport,
16:46but I lost a toe on the job.
16:48Oh, man.
16:49Whoa.
16:50I'm sorry.
16:50Oh, don't be.
16:51I made a ton of money off it.
16:53I mean, one minute,
16:54I'm standing on this table saw
16:55drinking beer.
16:58The next minute,
16:59I got all these suits
17:00shoving checks at me.
17:02Great.
17:03Yeah, but I burnt to that money
17:04pretty quick,
17:05so I got to figure out
17:06a way to get some more cash.
17:08Not another toe?
17:09No, no, no, no.
17:11Lose a finger.
17:14Think about losing a pinky.
17:16And there's so many ways
17:17you can lose a finger.
17:18You got drills, saws,
17:20sanders, punch presses.
17:21Whoops!
17:22Better get used to
17:23not using that one, huh?
17:24Shh.
17:28Well, work's not everything.
17:29I'm sure you have
17:30some cool hobbies.
17:31Like a nice pair of jeans.
17:38Jeans?
17:39That's a hobby?
17:40I'm not a professional
17:41or anything.
17:41You should only get going.
17:45Okay.
17:46It was really good
17:47to meet you guys.
17:48And a little tip,
17:49you slip in the movie theater bathroom
17:51and hit your head in the sink.
17:53Free popcorn.
17:54What's the matter with you?
18:03Don't be doing this.
18:04That's Roger after his next job.
18:07Okay, so he's different.
18:10Joey, the important thing is
18:10he likes her
18:11and he's taking her off my hands.
18:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, Michael.
18:14That's really selfish.
18:16What's more important,
18:17your space
18:18or your mother's happiness?
18:21My space.
18:22And I had to pretend
18:24to think about it.
18:32How's your movie?
18:34Eh, we were late.
18:35We drove by a Levi's store
18:36and Roger got sidetracked.
18:41We have to talk.
18:42Michael, anything you want to say
18:43to your mother about Roger?
18:45I think he's a keeper.
18:48No, he's not.
18:49Gina, this guy's a joke.
18:51Look, I know Roger's
18:52not the brightest
18:53or the funniest
18:54or the most ambitious.
18:56But?
18:57Well, it's not like
18:58I have a lot of choices.
18:59Most guys my age
19:00are looking to date 20-year-olds,
19:02not go out with someone
19:03with the 20-year-old.
19:06He's the best I can do.
19:07I'm not a great catch.
19:09Oh, what are you talking about?
19:10You could always have
19:11anyone you wanted.
19:12That was a long time ago, Joey.
19:14Now I take what I can get.
19:17Take what you can get?
19:18Mom, no, that's not okay.
19:22You're...
19:23You deserve a lot better.
19:29I thought you liked him.
19:31I did.
19:33But that's when I was lying.
19:37I just thought that
19:38it would be good for you
19:39to have someone in your life
19:40so you wouldn't have to worry
19:41about me so much.
19:42You know?
19:43I mean, I am a grown man.
19:45You're gonna fill out some, right?
19:50And you are a catch.
19:52Are you kidding me?
19:53You're smart and you're funny
19:55and you're beautiful.
19:57All my friends
19:57have crushes on you, Mom.
19:59Yeah, well, I'm like
19:59the third girl
20:00those guys have seen.
20:04You just gotta hold out
20:06until you find someone great, okay?
20:08And when you do,
20:10even that guy's not gonna be
20:11good enough
20:12as far as I'm concerned.
20:13Oh, Joey.
20:16And, you know,
20:17I wasn't gonna tell you
20:18this before, but...
20:20my fever's back.
20:21Oh, you're so good to me.
20:30Okay, look.
20:31I know you're probably
20:32still mad about
20:33that stairwell thing,
20:34but, you know,
20:34I saved your life.
20:36Right after you got locked in there,
20:37three masked gunmen
20:39burst into the...
20:40No more crap
20:40up my pooper!
20:41You are about to be
20:44very sorry
20:45you ever mess
20:45with Joey Tribbiani.
20:47Did you get a phone call
20:48from your agency this morning?
20:49Hello, Bry-Mai.
20:50It's Lisa.
20:51The location of your audition's
20:52been changed.
20:54What?
20:54The location wasn't changed.
20:56That audition is going on
20:57right now
20:58on the other side of town,
20:59my brother.
21:01I was perfect for that part!
21:03Yeah, well, too bad.
21:05So you better think long and hard
21:06before you mess with me again,
21:07because from now on
21:08I'm fighting back.
21:09Are we clear?
21:10Yeah.
21:11Except for one thing.
21:13If I'm missing that audition...
21:15Oh, yeah.
21:17Aren't you missing it, too?
21:24Come on,
21:25I'll give you a ride!
21:26Oh, yeah!
21:27Wow.
21:27So long and hard?
21:29Yeah, she's going on
21:29home!
21:30No!
21:30No!
21:31Show you to start
21:31and be by Frank
21:53on me all.
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