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Have.I.Got.News.for.You.S70E05

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00:30Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:38I'm Jason Manford. In the news this week,
00:41in a bid to speed up their house-building programme,
00:43government scientists design a special sand and cement mix
00:46complete with its own tool.
00:55LAUGHTER
00:56On a rare visit to Clacton,
01:02Nigel Farage holds a press conference to rubbish predictions
01:04of rising sea levels.
01:07LAUGHTER
01:08And amid budget cuts at the BBC,
01:13Michael Portillo's producer is spotted on a recce
01:15for the new series of Great British Railway Journeys.
01:18Here we go.
01:20LAUGHTER
01:21On Ian's team tonight is a comedian, former English teacher,
01:32an actor who claims to know A Christmas Carol off by Heart,
01:35which is not that impressive, I know loads of them.
01:37Please welcome Laura Smith!
01:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:41And Paul's team tonight is a Labour MP who was Transport Minister
01:46for just five months before having to resign.
01:49A rare example of a Transport Minister being involved
01:51in any sort of speedy departure.
01:53Please welcome Louise Haig!
01:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:59That's it.
01:59Be nice now.
02:00LAUGHTER
02:01Same joke.
02:02Same joke.
02:02I'm going to say.
02:05Hold on, hold on.
02:06Guys, hold on.
02:07Breaking news.
02:08By the look of it.
02:09Yeah.
02:10What was that?
02:11He didn't say.
02:12LAUGHTER
02:14This is the news that Andrew is no longer a prince.
02:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:20The bad news is he's become king.
02:28Yeah.
02:29LAUGHTER
02:31OK, go.
02:35What else is he losing?
02:37Is it the house?
02:38Yeah.
02:39And he's losing the love of the public.
02:42LAUGHTER
02:44Yeah, he's losing his lease on Royal Lodge.
02:47Yeah, there he is, yeah.
02:49So...
02:50Yeah, there's someone moving in.
02:51LAUGHTER
02:52I've heard Rachel Reeves has got a place to rent, though.
02:59Where's he going?
03:00Erm...
03:01Siberia's nice this time of year.
03:03LAUGHTER
03:04He's actually moving to the Sandringham Estate in Norfolk.
03:06Oh.
03:07Ooh.
03:08What have the people of Sandringham done?
03:09LAUGHTER
03:10I don't know.
03:11I don't know.
03:12That is where they keep the turkeys, though, isn't it, all that way?
03:14LAUGHTER
03:16LAUGHTER
03:18King Charles seems to have had enough, finally.
03:21Yeah, this policy of letting Andrew announce...
03:23A what?
03:24The policy of letting...
03:25Oh, announce.
03:26Sorry.
03:27LAUGHTER
03:28What's going to happen to himself hasn't gone so well.
03:40It's like salami slicing.
03:41People wanted...
03:42That's what they should do to him.
03:43Yeah.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:45Crikey, that was exciting, wasn't it?
03:46Bit of breaking news.
03:47Does it say what's happening to Fergie?
03:48Unless it doesn't say it on that card, then no, it doesn't.
03:49But I'm sure someone will tell us later.
03:50Just Google it when we finish.
03:51LAUGHTER
03:52It's not as much fun, really.
03:53Oh, someone just told me in my ear that she's going to have to make her own arrangements.
03:58Oh.
03:59Oh.
04:00Yeah.
04:01Budgie, the helicopter's going to fly in.
04:02Yeah.
04:03Yeah.
04:04Take her away.
04:05I can see the Prince Andrew...
04:06Sorry.
04:07The Andrew Mountbatten jokes going on.
04:08Newly minted.
04:09Newly minted jokes, yeah.
04:10This is the news that Andrew has lost all his titles.
04:13It's humiliating.
04:14I've got tins of tuna chunks in the cupboard that can still legally call themselves princes.
04:20LAUGHTER
04:21There you go.
04:22All right.
04:23According to the statement from Buckingham Palace, Prince Andrew has been forced to give
04:27up all his styles, titles and honours.
04:29However, he does get to keep his Pizza Express loyalty card.
04:33Right, on to the other news this week. Paul and Louise, have a look at this.
04:51Right. Keystone cops, notoriously inefficient policemen.
04:54We've got Shibana, Mahmood and David Lammy. They've had a stressful week.
04:57Farage looking smug.
04:59Keir Starmer looking at an alternative reality where we're riding high in the poles.
05:03LAUGHTER
05:04So, no bitterness, then.
05:05It's fine. We're all fine, yeah.
05:06What do you reckon, then?
05:07Well, it's all going swimmingly.
05:08I think we can move on to the next question.
05:09Do you reckon?
05:10Yeah, this is the continued bumbling and bungling of Keir Starmer's gun.
05:13And let's go through the fiasco at Chelmsford Prison as well, shall we?
05:32They managed to let out a sex offender.
05:34He'd only just been put in jail.
05:35And he said, let me back in and they said, no, no, off you go.
05:39He said, no, no, off you go.
05:40No.
05:42And you'd think, given that he was the cause of fairly major rioting
05:45in the country, you might keep an eye on him.
05:48I might keep an eye on him.
05:49I don't know.
05:50Just have a look.
05:52This is just an appalling mistake.
05:55And it's the same week as a bloke who was deported back to France
05:59decided he'd come back again.
06:01So, on the whole, the prison service and the Home Office
06:04hasn't been great.
06:06Essentially, he was released, and after a few hours in Chelmsford
06:08on a Friday night, he was trying to get back in.
06:11I mean, they gave him 500 quid in order for him not to appeal again
06:16for asylum.
06:17We have to bribe people, sex offenders, to leave the country.
06:21Anyway, he'll be back.
06:22He'll be in Dover next week.
06:25What did he acquire when he got to London,
06:28which may have led to his identification?
06:30Was it in a £500 coat?
06:34That was his avocado tote bag.
06:35His avocado tote bag.
06:36Who says integration is failing?
06:38I mean, it's London.
06:39I might be the most London thing I've ever heard in my life.
06:42Although, if you can get yourself a grey tracksuit
06:44and an avocado tote bag in the next five minutes,
06:46you've got the most up-to-date Halloween costume you've ever seen.
06:53What did Justice Secretary David Lammy say caused the problem?
06:58Him?
06:58Human error, which is also the reason David Lammy is Justice Secretary.
07:04LAUGHTER
07:05The IT system is also failing.
07:07According to the Eye, prison officials are using a pencil and paper
07:12to work out sentences and release dates.
07:14I should think that's more efficient than IT.
07:17Yeah.
07:19Why not?
07:19He is, to be honest.
07:20No-one can hack it, can there?
07:21Don't let this one out.
07:23He's a sex offender.
07:24LAUGHTER
07:25Who pointed out that this isn't the first time
07:28that Chelmsford Prison have released someone by mistake?
07:32Was it Suella Brabberman?
07:33It was Suella Brabberman.
07:35She tweeted, like, quite street language, actually.
07:38This is joke, surely.
07:40LAUGHTER
07:41Then somebody pointed out, Suella Brabberman has deleted this,
07:45possibly because she was Home Secretary when it happened.
07:49Three companies have made a lot of money from housing asylum seekers
07:52in hotels, £4.6 billion, to be precise.
07:58What decisive action has Keir Starmer taken to cut costs?
08:02Opening up military establishments.
08:05There's one in Sussex, I think.
08:07Yeah, barracks, yeah.
08:08No, it's true.
08:08LAUGHTER
08:10They've already identified one handily placed camp,
08:22Cameron Barracks, just outside London.
08:25LAUGHTER
08:26Staying with immigration concerns,
08:30what upset residents in Lydney in the Forest of Dean recently?
08:35Houses with a cross of St George or Union flags outside
08:39have been sent false letters from the council telling them
08:42that they've been chosen to accommodate asylum seekers
08:44in their homes.
08:46LAUGHTER
08:46The letter read,
08:50As staunch patriots, we know you would be proud
08:53to help your country in times of difficulty.
08:57The letter refers to the asylum seekers
08:59coming from a Muslim tribe called Faraj.
09:01LAUGHTER
09:02Rachel Reeves, what do you think is going to happen to her?
09:11Well, she made a mistake.
09:12She's been exonerated and the Prime Minister was absolutely right
09:15to accept her apology.
09:16Do you think people who make mistakes should be exonerated?
09:19Well, the Prime Minister was equally magnanimous with me,
09:21which is why I'm really delighted I'm still serving as Transport Secretary.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:25It wasn't a mistake, really, it was a conviction for fraud.
09:33It was, and it was, you know, really, you know,
09:36obviously humiliating, embarrassing, I, you know, held my...
09:38Is the word wrong going to come up?
09:40It was wrong, no, I made a mistake, I, you know, held my hands up,
09:43I got my conditional discharge.
09:45Did Keir know, though?
09:46He did, I told him about it when I was...
09:48So he, when he said further information has come to light
09:51and then fired you, he was lying, was he?
09:53Well, he never told me what the further information was.
09:55She did actually get mugged, didn't you?
09:57Yeah, so...
09:57She didn't actually do the mugging.
09:59No.
09:59Which is worse.
10:00She did the fraud, though.
10:02So you were Transport Minister?
10:04I was the Transport Secretary.
10:05Can I ask you something?
10:05Hmm?
10:06On Tuesday, why?
10:08LAUGHTER
10:09No.
10:11I didn't touch my oyster between...
10:14LAUGHTER
10:15Between the Overground and the Victoria line at Black Horse Road.
10:19You didn't touch your oyster?
10:20Touched the oyster.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:23I didn't touch my oyster card.
10:26Oh, it's a card.
10:26Oh, yes.
10:27No, it's a card.
10:28Do you think I'll be all right?
10:29LAUGHTER
10:30I think Ian's got a quick joke for transport fraud for you.
10:36No, I'll let you do them.
10:37LAUGHTER
10:38APPLAUSE
10:39There we go.
10:42All right.
10:43Well, let's get back to Rachel Reeves.
10:45LAUGHTER
10:46Do you know what she's actually accused of?
10:50She didn't get a licence to rent her house out while she's moved into number 11 Downing Street,
10:57but the estate agent has come forward today.
10:59What?
11:00An estate agent lied?
11:01The estate agent has come forward.
11:02LAUGHTER
11:03No, he said it was his fault.
11:05So an estate agent's told the truth?
11:06That's the biggest news story here.
11:07LAUGHTER
11:08She is Chancellor of the Exchequer.
11:10You'd think there'd be someone in the Labour Party who would check up on the housing details of its major players.
11:17I mean, there's Angela Rayner, there's this.
11:20Does no-one look at it?
11:21I mean, not bloody lawyers in the government.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:23The really huge news last week was the election of the deputy leader of the Labour Party.
11:29Cracky.
11:30That huge news is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.
11:33LAUGHTER
11:33Lucy Powell is technically second in command, but she's not in the Cabinet because Keir sacked her.
11:40It's funny, because I thought we banned fire and rehire.
11:43LAUGHTER
11:44Lucy Powell's a friend of yours.
11:46She is a good friend of mine.
11:47She's great.
11:48And she's Andy Burnham's mate.
11:49We've got lots of friends.
11:50We're a big Labour family.
11:51No, of course.
11:52And when you say you support the Labour government, do you support Keir?
11:56Yeah, of course.
11:57He's the Prime Minister.
11:59LAUGHTER
12:00You're good at this fraud stuff.
12:02LAUGHTER
12:03Lucy Powell also said that Labour has allowed Nigel Farage to run away with the political megaphone.
12:11Is that why the by-election results in Carefully went so badly wrong?
12:15I actually have the official line that was being briefed from the party afterwards, which was the good news
12:20was that reform can be beaten.
12:22The bad news is, just not by us.
12:27It's got swings and roundabouts.
12:29The only consolation for Labour is the Conservatives did much worse, and then the party's gagmeister-in-chief,
12:34Chris Philp, couldn't remember the name of the leader of the Conservatives in Wales.
12:40Would you like to see this video?
12:41Who was the leader of Wales previously?
12:44She was never, she was never, she was never Prime Minister.
12:48If you don't know, you can say.
12:49We now have a new programme to take to the country, and I'm optimistic and positive about the future.
12:56If you don't know, you can say, who is the leader of the Welsh Tories?
12:59LAUGHTER
12:59I've been explaining our positive...
13:02You don't know, we haven't.
13:04Just...
13:05I've asked you four times.
13:0637, 37 new policies we have.
13:09I know, I know, I'm counting.
13:1037 new policies we set out.
13:11I'll just ask you a fifth time, who is the leader of the Welsh Conservatives?
13:17I've explained that we've got a positive new programme...
13:19If you don't know, you can say, it's totally fine.
13:21..in the months and years ahead.
13:24Just the sixth one.
13:25We've got a relatively new leader, and I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid the name escapes me.
13:30LAUGHTER
13:30Oh, boy.
13:32Oh!
13:33He should have just come straight in, I don't know, and neither does anybody else.
13:36That's what I'm saying.
13:37Or just had a guess.
13:38Jones?
13:40Yeah.
13:41Something Jones?
13:42Who is it?
13:43I've no idea.
13:45LAUGHTER
13:45Who has been a bit coy about possibly defecting to reform?
13:52Keir Starmer?
13:53No.
13:55He's been quite coy.
13:57Liz Truss?
13:58There you go, yeah.
14:00Liz Truss, yeah.
14:01Can you imagine how keen reform are to have her?
14:04LAUGHTER
14:05Asked if she would be joining reform, she didn't rule out,
14:08offering my services to Nigel Farrell.
14:11LAUGHTER
14:12Oh...
14:14LAUGHTER
14:15Now, who would like a bit of Christmas cheer?
14:21Yes!
14:21CHEERING
14:22Who's starring in panto in Islington this Christmas?
14:26Jeremy Corbyn.
14:27It is Jeremy Corbyn.
14:28LAUGHTER
14:30Oh, no, he isn't.
14:31LAUGHTER
14:32Oh, yes, he is.
14:34LAUGHTER
14:34And where's his career?
14:36LAUGHTER
14:37LAUGHTER
14:38Here he is.
14:43LAUGHTER
14:44One of those red lights is unfortunately placed.
14:48LAUGHTER
14:50He's bringing the magic from his other triumphant roles,
14:54Widow Trotsky, Mother Gulag and Bolshevik Whittington.
14:58LAUGHTER
14:59But what, according to the press release, will Jeremy bring?
15:03A certain uneasiness.
15:04LAUGHTER
15:06The press release says Jeremy Corbyn will bring a touch of local sparkle.
15:12LAUGHTER
15:13It's like a raunchy panto, isn't it?
15:15It's like an X-rated panto.
15:17Is it?
15:18Oh!
15:19Raunchy Jeremy Corbyn.
15:20Oh.
15:21LAUGHTER
15:22I should have saved me dry heave for this bit.
15:24LAUGHTER
15:26I'll do it, I'll do it.
15:27LAUGHTER
15:28This is yet more trouble for Keir Starmer.
15:31The bungling at the Home Office continues.
15:34Home Secretary Shibana Mahmood told the BBC,
15:37I've pulled every lever to deport Mr Kabatoo.
15:39Unfortunately, the first lever to be pulled
15:41was the one that opened the prison gates.
15:43LAUGHTER
15:45It's pretty unusual for a sex offender to be allowed to walk free,
15:47said a spokesperson for the royal family.
15:50LAUGHTER
15:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:53Ian and Laura, here's yours.
15:58That's, um, the Argentinian president,
16:01and that's him with a chainsaw.
16:03Oh, he's a vibe.
16:05LAUGHTER
16:06He's just won some mid-term elections
16:08and everyone thought his policies of austerity
16:11and cutting services wouldn't work.
16:14But luckily, President Trump bailed him out for $40 billion.
16:18So they worked!
16:19Yes, who knew?
16:20And also, Millet's career is even weirder than Trump's.
16:23I mean, he was a tantric sex consultant for a while.
16:27Oh, my gosh.
16:28I mean, you know, it's...
16:29That dry heave's coming back again, I can't.
16:31LAUGHTER
16:32How does he use the chainsaw for all that, then?
16:35LAUGHTER
16:36Set on low vibrate, I imagine.
16:38LAUGHTER
16:41So the chainsaw is about cutting things?
16:44It's a symbol of austerity.
16:45I mean, Keir Starmer is going to try it.
16:47Yeah.
16:49But he probably won't be able to start it.
16:51Yeah.
16:52LAUGHTER
16:53On the subject of unlikely political comebacks, who's reappeared on the scene in America?
16:58Er, Kamala Harris.
17:00Yeah.
17:01This week announced that she might run for president again.
17:03Why should she probably not?
17:05LAUGHTER
17:07Didn't work out too well last week.
17:08Yes.
17:09Survey of American voters shows that Kamala Harris is polling worse than The Rock.
17:14LAUGHTER
17:15Is The Rock polling particularly poorly?
17:17Well, considering he's not even thinking about running...
17:20LAUGHTER
17:21I think The Rock would be good.
17:23I like The Rock.
17:24Who's he?
17:25Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
17:26Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?
17:28Jumanji?
17:29Jumanji 2?
17:30LAUGHTER
17:31Can I just point out you're wasting your time?
17:35LAUGHTER
17:37That can't confuse me, isn't there someone called The Paper and The Scissors?
17:42LAUGHTER
17:44Er, what has Trump said about the next presidential election in 2028?
17:49He may consider running for it.
17:50Yeah, he's refusing to rule out running.
17:52I mean, he's building the big ballroom, I don't know...
17:54That feels like he's making renovations for himself, no-one else wants it.
17:58And he's putting up an arch, an arc de triomphe in Washington,
18:03to celebrate himself.
18:04Someone said, what's this arch for?
18:06And he said, it's for me.
18:07And he doesn't even bother to pretend he's not taking the piss.
18:10LAUGHTER
18:12Like all arches, there's a hole in the middle, it's an arch hole.
18:14LAUGHTER
18:16Very good.
18:17APPLAUSE
18:19Where has Donald Trump been hanging around?
18:21Japan!
18:22I thought that took me by surprise.
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25Yeah, in the Far East, Trump had to use all his willpower
18:28not to take offence to a joke from Malaysian PM, Anwar Ibrahim.
18:33And we share a lot of things in common.
18:35I was in prison, but he almost got there.
18:38LAUGHTER
18:40Good for him.
18:48What's been coming out of the White House this week that surprised
18:52everyone?
18:53I'll give you a clue.
18:54It's an unusual answer to a question.
18:57Yeah, it was a journalist asked who organised the meeting,
19:00supposedly, between Putin and Trump, and she said, your mum.
19:04LAUGHTER
19:06And that's the White House spokesman.
19:10Yes.
19:11That's what you should have said when they asked about the phone.
19:14Who here?
19:15Who done it?
19:16Your mum.
19:17Your mum.
19:18Closer to home, what has the Japanese ambassador to the UK
19:22been learning?
19:23He's been touring around.
19:24He's rather brilliant.
19:25He's trying to learn all sorts of British things, isn't he?
19:27That's right.
19:28The ambassador, Hiroshi Suzuki, went to Liverpool last week
19:32to learn how to be a Scouse.
19:34LAUGHTER
19:36Here he is, enjoying a bowl of Scouse.
19:46Just one more?
19:48That's post-scram!
19:51LAUGHTER
19:54I love that.
19:55So good.
19:57That's right.
19:58This is Argentinian President Xavier Millet,
20:00who has just won mid-term elections.
20:02Keir Starmer faces some tricky local elections next year.
20:06Maybe he needs to be a bit more like this.
20:10We know Keir's gotten in with a toolmaker.
20:12LAUGHTER
20:15So, at the end of that round, two points each.
20:19APPLAUSE
20:21Oh, yes, look at that.
20:26Are you vaping?
20:27LAUGHTER
20:28So, to round two, the cauldron of news.
20:32Right, fingers on buzzers, teams.
20:33Yeah.
20:34LAUGHTER
20:35That is boss Scram.
20:38LAUGHTER
20:39Yes, Louise.
20:40I know this one.
20:41Hyde Park have cancelled the dog Halloween costume competition
20:46because it's too popular.
20:47That's exactly the right answer.
20:48How did fans of the Halloween event react?
20:50In horror.
20:51Yeah.
20:52Oh, rage.
20:53The spokesperson for the event called the Royal Parks Killjoys.
20:55Here's the spokesperson.
20:57LAUGHTER
20:59Who is that?
20:59Jockey.
21:00Yeah, it's a film.
21:02Has it got The Rock in it?
21:03I thought it was Ed Sheeran.
21:04LAUGHTER
21:06Despite the ban, more than 200 owners and their dogs
21:08still turned up in a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of an
21:12film has it got the rock in it I thought it was Ed Sheeran despite the ban more
21:23than 200 owners and their dogs still turned up including one rather
21:26suspicious looking sausage dog wearing an elaborate costume member the reform
21:33party
21:39in related news how did Gloucestershire Council decide to celebrate Halloween
21:44this year they sort of project images strange ghostly images on council
21:48buildings no council's heritage hub posted on their social media are you
21:51carving a pumpkin this Halloween accompanied by this picture from the
21:55archives of the Gloucestershire Citizen newspaper I used to go out of her system
22:04this is the news that the Royal Parks have canceled an annual Halloween walk for
22:09sausage dogs the event has been cancelled over fears of over Crowley well if
22:13you're going to advertise on Facebook for a dog an event in a Royal Park it's
22:16going to be popular time now for the odd one out round just one between you this
22:21week they are Terry Boot Hubert legal Sam sung and Zoe hamburger okay the top right you
22:31say Hubert legal Hubert legal right I think those could be law books behind him so I
22:35think their jobs are reflected in their name so Terry Boos is a shoemaker the
22:40hamburger woman probably CEO of a burger company him Sam sung is the company he
22:44works for and that makes him the odd one out whereas everybody else is got a
22:48surname the details the job that they do I'm gonna give you that that was very close
22:52yeah they've all got an occupationally appropriate name except for Sam sung who's got an
23:01occupationally inappropriate name all right where might the name Sam sung be considered
23:06inappropriate iPhone yeah he works for Apple he's now moved to a luggage firm under the name Sam
23:14Sunite until last month Zoe hamburger was chief restaurant officer at McDonald's UK
23:22restaurant should be inverted commas yeah Zoe hamburger has worked at McDonald's her entire career
23:31yes she's now left her role she didn't like the sesame seeds on yeah let's talk about
23:37Hubert legal yeah what about him he's a lawyer or a solicitor he spent eight years as director
23:42general of the EU's legal service yes on his appointment the Guardian ran the headline
23:48legal the EU's new legal eagle I bet they were so chuffed with that oh very funny Giles
23:55Terry Booty is the finance director of the shop shoe zone cobblers who did Terry Booty replace in the
24:07role was it George Plimsoll William trainers Peter foot Peter foot these are the only examples of
24:19nominative determinism out there shall we play a quick game game I want to show you a picture of
24:25a person and say their profession I want you to tell me what their name is fantastic here's your
24:30first one what's the name of this man he's the president of the Royal Horticultural Society Bob
24:35gosh no William privet so weed I'm gonna give you that what was it it's actually Keith weed Keith
24:44weed when he was younger he ran a drug business yeah it does sound like someone who's in your
24:51phone okay next one what was the name of this former Archbishop of Manila he was Cardinal sin it was
25:00Cardinal sin yeah finally we get round to my special subject international prelates is it true that
25:10there was a Cardinal Sokola who was in the running to be Pope one year and in the end they decided that
25:16they couldn't make him Pope because he'd be Pope's Coca Cola I don't know if it's an urban myth or it's a real story but
25:23you know there was one called on a rope and they didn't make him Pope finally who's this it's
25:34Soviet gold medal winning hurdler Katya Lipsky it's Marina Stepanova
25:40so good so good good time now for the missing words round and we start with feeling stressed
25:52scientists advise you to what is it forget about it what do you think Louise you've got the most stressful
25:59job out of all of us yeah well not come on have I got news for you with Ian Hislop the answer is feeling
26:07stressed scientists advise you to stare at a painting according to scientists that looking at displays in
26:14art galleries is very relaxing as long as you can shut out the sound of a load of men with angle grinders
26:18escaping on a cherry picker next pensioner who what says I couldn't believe it pension who tried I can't
26:27believe it's not butter says I couldn't believe it he's now going to try to follow up fuck me it's jam
26:32you know I'm going to give you a point for that pensioner who found mold in fresh pack of butter
26:42the butter containing black mold was discovered by pensioner Margaret Brain I'm not 100% sure but I
26:51think she might be a member of the local amdram society finally Kent residents furious at playground
27:01which what backs onto a cliff Kent residents furious at playground which consists of single log have a
27:12look at it the property management company has received dozens of complaints from angry residents and two
27:19nominations for the Turner prize so the final scores are Ian and Laura have three Paul and Louise have seven
27:29before we go there's just time for the caption competition public school boys queue up for their daily dose of
27:41anti-wanker medicine do you think that's funny that's my school photo
27:50on the wish note we say thank you to our panelists Ian his lop and Laura Smith Paul Merton and Louise Haig MP and I
27:57leave you with the news that at a trade conference in Worcester the photographer arrives just seconds after
28:02Keir Starmer left the Pope regrets trying to hastily mend the broken vase with superglue just minutes before
28:11meeting the Vatican crowds
28:13and in Washington after a state banquet there's quite a discussion about who's going to have to share the car with JD Vance
28:24the Welshman with a big voice and a remarkable life Tom Jones is reminiscing in my own words on iPlayer now
28:47while on sounds Dave and you group chat unfiltered combo with besties Roman and Tom in you about how are you it's Alan
28:57Partridge coming up next on BBC One
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