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Would I Lie To You S19 E05
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00:00MUSIC
00:24Good evening and welcome to What Would I Lie To You?
00:28The show that separates fact from fiction.
00:31On David Mitchell's team tonight,
00:33taking a break from the repair shop, it's Will Kirk.
00:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:39And broadcaster and raconteur extraordinaire,
00:43it's Giles Brandreth.
00:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:48And on Lee Mack's team tonight,
00:50from the Love Island villa to the Strictly Ballroom,
00:54it's Tasha Ghuri.
00:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:59And comedy actor and writer,
01:01the wonderful Jessica Knappett.
01:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:07We'll begin with round one, Home Truths,
01:10where our panellists read out a statement
01:12from the card in front of them.
01:14Now, to make things harder,
01:15they've never seen the card before,
01:17they have no idea what they'll be faced with.
01:19It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.
01:23Giles is first up tonight.
01:26Whilst attempting to break the world record for the longest ever
01:30after-dinner speech, I had a dreadful accident.
01:34LAUGHTER
01:36Who were you speaking to?
01:38I was speaking to...
01:40It's a charity event.
01:41We are at a hotel in London.
01:43So what was the record that you were trying to break?
01:45The record stood...
01:47The record stood...
01:49LAUGHTER
01:50The record scratched by the sound of it.
01:51The record stood at 11 hours.
01:53I spoke on that occasion for 12 and a half hours.
01:56And these people stayed to watch?
01:58They did.
01:59You may be surprised to hear that.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02I don't know if you've ever heard me speaking at length, but...
02:05LAUGHTER
02:07What was the subject of your speech?
02:09Now, this is interesting.
02:10I decided...
02:11LAUGHTER
02:12I decided to do it as an A to Z of life.
02:15So I began with A for half an hour, then B for half an hour...
02:18We understand.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:21Well, you did half an hour on J, then, didn't you?
02:24Well, J was rather easy, because J was for jokes.
02:27You know?
02:28What does the king do when he burps?
02:30He issues a royal pardon.
02:31LAUGHTER
02:32So you did half an hour of that?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:35You spent 30 years doing that, you should be at home.
02:38LAUGHTER
02:40Giles, what was the accident?
02:44It was of a personal nature.
02:47You're still going to have to tell us.
02:49I found that in the middle of the night, I was needing a comfort break.
02:54There was therefore the risk of a dreadful accident, and it appeared
02:58that the accident occurred.
02:59LAUGHTER
03:00And so, are we talking about you wetting yourself?
03:04In those days, the Guinness Book of Records were insistent it has to be a real record,
03:09an endurance record.
03:10You weren't allowed a toilet break?
03:11You weren't allowed a toilet break.
03:12OK.
03:13Before I went to make this speech, I explained to the president of the charity,
03:17the late Duke of Edinburgh, that I was anxious that I wouldn't achieve the goal because I would need to go for this comfort break in the middle of the night.
03:26And he said to me, well, you can take a pee in the middle of the night, surely.
03:29I said, no, sir, I'll be in front of 300 people wearing an illness suit.
03:32He said, you can still take a pee, man.
03:34You can do it there and then.
03:35I said, how on earth is that possible, sir?
03:37He said, you'll be wearing the appliance, surely.
03:39I said, sorry?
03:40The what?
03:41The appliance.
03:42No, you've misunderstood when I said, you what?
03:44I didn't mean I couldn't hear you.
03:45I meant, what are you talking about?
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48He said, go, go down, John Bell and Troyden, medical suppliers, Wigmore Street.
03:54I had a Covid jab there.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58Just when I thought this story couldn't get any more sexy.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:04I nipped down and I was seen immediately by a very nice young person
04:09who kitted me out with the appliance, which was a kind of apparatus
04:13you wear over your private parts and had attached to it
04:17a long piece of rubber tubing.
04:19Oh, come on.
04:20A thing in colour.
04:22What?
04:23It needs all the way from the event to the chemist.
04:25LAUGHTER
04:26No!
04:27We'll return it in the morning, sir!
04:29LAUGHTER
04:30So this is, this is a thing that goes over your...
04:33You Duke of Edinburgh.
04:34LAUGHTER
04:35I popped it on and...
04:40And once it's on, are you dressing to the left or the right?
04:44I don't think I know you well enough.
04:46LAUGHTER
04:48APPLAUSE
04:51About two in the morning, I thought, I do need now, my little Jimmy Riddle.
04:58And then I suddenly thought, oh, my God,
05:00is it going to make a terrible whooshing sound?
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03So I thought, I know what I'll do.
05:04I will let go.
05:05And as I'm about to let go, I will tell a joke.
05:07And on the last...
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10That's when I will let go.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:12And the last will cover the letting go.
05:14The whoosh.
05:15Yes, the whoosh.
05:16So I let go.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18It was then that I realised that the appliance had slipped its moorings.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23Can I ask a question?
05:26What letter were you on here?
05:28Is it P?
05:29LAUGHTER
05:30APPLAUSE
05:32A little bit from now on in.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:40Hang on, hang on.
05:41Did it slip its moorings as you were weeing into it?
05:44The power of the jet.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:47I've made it slip.
05:49Yeah.
05:50If it were me, I'd have thought, you know, a little tinkle would be just fine.
05:53Yes.
05:54And if it had been you, it would have been a little tinkle, but it was me.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:58APPLAUSE
06:00So this is like a catheter, but it's mechanical.
06:03Yeah, well, yes.
06:04I'm able to stand up, but maybe you can't stand up.
06:06Giles, is this wise?
06:08LAUGHTER
06:10Are you wearing it tonight?
06:11No!
06:12LAUGHTER
06:14Now, you may find this surprising, but I am now sponsored
06:17by the Tenorplex Plus Super Soft Incontinence Club people.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:23APPLAUSE
06:25Well...
06:26The truth is, what happened was this.
06:29I was making my speech...
06:31LAUGHTER
06:33I looked down and out of my trouser leg...
06:36You could see the end of a bit of a full balloon.
06:39Awful.
06:40I mean, it became snaking across the stage.
06:42LAUGHTER
06:43And meanwhile, meanwhile, you're still going.
06:51Yeah.
06:52No, it staunches it completely.
06:54It's all coming back now vividly to me.
06:56LAUGHTER
06:57So the shop stopped the flow?
06:59Worse than that, I found I was not able to go to the loo
07:02for, I think, about 72 hours.
07:04LAUGHTER
07:06Well, there we are.
07:08That's all we've got time for.
07:09APPLAUSE
07:14Sasha, what are you thinking, Sasha?
07:16I've got a lot of images in my head now.
07:18Of course.
07:19Nothing I want to see right now.
07:20No, it's going to be a while before you forget those images.
07:23Yeah.
07:24There's so much detail there.
07:26Why would you know about the appliance if it's not true?
07:29I mean, if it's a lie...
07:31Yeah.
07:32He's made this a lot harder than it needed to be.
07:35LAUGHTER
07:36What are we going for?
07:37You say true.
07:38I'm leaving this in your hands.
07:40That's what he said.
07:41LAUGHTER
07:42You're saying true.
07:43It's got to be true.
07:44It's got to be true.
07:45It's got to be true.
07:46So they're saying it's true, Giles.
07:48Was it true or was that all a lie?
07:51It was...
07:54true.
07:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:58It's true.
07:59Giles did have a dreadful accident during his world record attempt.
08:04Right, Will, you're next.
08:06Right.
08:07Ahem.
08:10Out loud, Will.
08:12OK.
08:13When...
08:14Please.
08:15When King Charles came to the repair shop,
08:17I had to chase him to his car
08:19because he'd walked off with my big chisel.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:24At least he...
08:25I know he was on the repair shop.
08:27I remember seeing a clip.
08:29Can I just check, was he king at this point?
08:31He was actually prince.
08:32What did he bring to get repaired?
08:34A vase.
08:36And what was wrong with the vase?
08:37The vase was broken.
08:39Obviously.
08:40LAUGHTER
08:41Otherwise your show would be called Second Hand Shop.
08:43Exactly.
08:44Er, apparently the vase had been put on a window
08:50at Dunfrey's house and one of the servants?
08:54I don't know, Giles?
08:55Staff.
08:56Staff.
08:57LAUGHTER
08:59So confident.
09:02One of the servants had hit it with a staff.
09:04Yeah, exactly.
09:05APPLAUSE
09:07And that's when it broke.
09:10He came round to all of our benches to sort of have a look
09:15at what we're doing and look at our tools and things like that.
09:19And I have a really big chisel that he was quite taken by.
09:23What did he think of your tool?
09:25Um...
09:27He said that it's...
09:29LAUGHTER
09:30He said...
09:31He said it was quite broad.
09:33Right.
09:34I don't know.
09:35LAUGHTER
09:36Surely, in your job, you've got many sized chisels, not just one big chisel.
09:41But this is my favourite one.
09:42And I have a little place for it on the wall behind my bench.
09:44What did he say when he was...
09:45Weighty.
09:46Weighty?
09:47Weighty.
09:48Weighty.
09:49Weighty.
09:50Weighty.
09:51Very weighty.
09:52Oh, yes.
09:53Let's have more of that.
09:54I love that.
09:55Very, very weighty.
09:56Really weighty.
09:57LAUGHTER
09:58Wonderfully weighty.
09:59I don't know how you do it.
10:00I mean, full of admiration.
10:02Exactly.
10:03I'm doing King Charles when he was still a prince.
10:08LAUGHTER
10:09APPLAUSE
10:11So, how did he end up walking away with it?
10:16Erm, so, he handed it to one of his...
10:20Possibly an aquarium.
10:21LAUGHTER
10:22And then they started to kind of walk away.
10:24And I didn't know what to say, because I met him at Dunbury's house
10:27before this, and I was talking to someone that I was with about.
10:30I don't know how to speak to him.
10:31Do I shake his hand?
10:32Do I bow?
10:33Anyway, before I knew it, I turned to my left.
10:36Can you stand up for a second?
10:38I am standing up.
10:39LAUGHTER
10:41There you go.
10:46So, I was...
10:48So, I'm waiting to bring him.
10:50LAUGHTER
10:53So, I turn around, and he's already here with his hand out.
10:56LAUGHTER
10:58Anyway, so, he has his hand out.
10:59Like this.
11:00LAUGHTER
11:01Anyway, so, I turn around.
11:02I don't realise that you're waiting to shame.
11:04Yeah.
11:05This is in slow motion, by the way.
11:06So, I go like that.
11:07Ooh!
11:08Anyway, I panic, cos I'm coming in too fast.
11:10No!
11:11So, I pull it back, and I do this kind of weird thing.
11:13LAUGHTER
11:15And then I turn back to rectify, then he'd already gone.
11:19Boom!
11:20So, you gave his fingers a little tickle?
11:22A little tickle, yeah.
11:23LAUGHTER
11:24APPLAUSE
11:25OK, how did you get that chisel back?
11:29So, I went over to the car, and I tapped on the window.
11:33Right.
11:34I said, I think you have my chisel.
11:36And he said, I do.
11:38And then he gave it back.
11:39Oh.
11:40I think that he probably thought it was a gift, but trying to save my embarrassment,
11:43he kind of just handed it back to me.
11:44What do you think, Tasha?
11:45I know, in a scenario like that, they have the guards around them.
11:49So, for you just to hand over a chisel, I don't believe it's that easy.
11:53Because it's quite a sharp weapon.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Yeah!
11:57I think none of it's true.
11:58What, he doesn't work on repair shop?
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01Go on, well, say lie then, yeah?
12:03They're saying it's a lie, Will.
12:05Was it a lie or were you telling the truth?
12:08That was a lie.
12:11Oh!
12:12Oh!
12:13It's a lie Will didn't chase King Charles.
12:18Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest
12:23who has a close connection to one of our panellists.
12:26This week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them that has the genuine connection
12:30to the guest.
12:31It's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.
12:34So, please welcome this week's special guest, Kate.
12:37APPLAUSE
12:44So, Tasha, what is Kate to you?
12:47So, this is Kate, and she had to prepare the glitter ball trophy
12:50after I dropped it at the Strictly wrap party.
12:53LAUGHTER
12:55Right.
12:56Jessica, how do you know Kate?
12:58This is Kate.
13:00And, together, we tried and failed to get an intruder out of my house.
13:06OK.
13:07And, finally, Lee, what's your relationship with Kate?
13:10This is Kate.
13:11She gave me a plaster after her horse bit me on the nipple.
13:15LAUGHTER
13:17So, there we have it.
13:20David's team, where will you begin?
13:22OK, we'll start with Tasha.
13:24So, why were you holding the glitter ball trophy?
13:27So...
13:28Yeah, why don't you rub it in that she didn't win?
13:30Yeah, that's what I was saying.
13:31What business did you have touching that holy object?
13:35I just wanted to see what it felt like to hold it, you know?
13:37Yeah.
13:38If I had won it.
13:39But, basically, a Strictly wrap party.
13:41So, you finish your dances, Chris Getz announced the winner,
13:44and everyone, you know, celebrating,
13:46all the crew come out on the dance floor, you know,
13:48everyone's having a good time.
13:49So, I got a picture of the trophy,
13:52and then Alyash was at the bottom of the steps.
13:54Alyash being the dashing dancer who was your partner.
13:58Yes.
13:59So, I basically started walking down the steps, and I slipped,
14:02and it, like, flew out of my hands, slammed on the floor,
14:05and the ball, like, rolled off.
14:07Everyone was just like...
14:09And then Kate came to me, basically, to save the day.
14:11Who is Kate, then? What was her role there?
14:13So, trophies made...
14:14She went to the stables.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:18Yes, we'll come on to that.
14:20She was looking after a trophy.
14:22So, a trophy's made by a company called Trophy Master,
14:25and she works with the company.
14:26So, Kate just said, oh, I'll fix it, you know.
14:29Given this is a BBC programme,
14:31why did they not go to the repair shop?
14:34LAUGHTER
14:36So, you've met Kate before,
14:38because she's always there, whenever the trophy's there,
14:40she's there lurking in the background.
14:42She has to polish it, make sure it looks pretty, you know?
14:44So, she just comes in to polish the trophy.
14:47LAUGHTER
14:48So, when the trophy's there, Kate's there,
14:50watching the trophy, polishing the trophy,
14:52looking after the trophy...
14:54You don't want a trophy to go missing.
14:55You don't? Absolutely not.
14:56Although, obviously, they make a new one every year, don't they?
14:59It's not like the FA Cup.
15:00You don't have to hand it back, do you?
15:02LAUGHTER
15:03Right.
15:04Who would you like to quiz next?
15:06OK.
15:07Jessica.
15:08Mm.
15:09Repel intruder, you tried to with Kate, did you?
15:12LAUGHTER
15:13All right, Jo.
15:14Did I, indeed, yes.
15:16When was this?
15:17Last year.
15:18What season?
15:19Erm...
15:20Season five!
15:22What season?
15:23What season?
15:24What season?
15:25What season?
15:26What season?
15:27There are four options, what season.
15:28I could have said what month, then there are 12 options.
15:30But she's only ever going to say one of them,
15:32so whether there are 12 to choose from or four makes no difference to you.
15:35Well, she would have said one of them three minutes ago
15:37if you hadn't intervened.
15:38But you're saying, you're saying that there was some advantage to asking the season.
15:42Oh, my God, spring!
15:43Because there are...
15:48So, it was spring?
15:49It was spring.
15:50What month?
15:51LAUGHTER
15:52APPLAUSE
16:00May!
16:01May is the beginning of summer.
16:02June, July, August is summer.
16:04Are you telling me that autumn starts on September the 1st?
16:07Yeah, yeah, very much so.
16:08The Feast of St Giles, as it happens.
16:10LAUGHTER
16:12I think that's the most middle-class put down I've ever had.
16:16It's a shame to hear that.
16:17I've been working with you for 19 years.
16:19LAUGHTER
16:21How do you know Kate?
16:22She's sort of my neighbour.
16:24Intruder!
16:25Intruder!
16:26Yes.
16:27Who was it?
16:28The intruder was, in fact, erm, a bird.
16:32A bird.
16:33A bird.
16:34Oh!
16:35What sort of bird, Jessica?
16:36I'm going to say thrush.
16:38Oh!
16:39OK.
16:40LAUGHTER
16:41Shall we get that new advert?
16:43LAUGHTER
16:45Imagine that with some cream in between the fingers.
16:48LAUGHTER
16:49I'm going to say thrush.
16:50I'm going to say relief.
16:52LAUGHTER
16:53I'm going to say 4.99.
16:55I'm going to say little.
16:57LAUGHTER
16:59APPLAUSE
17:04Where did the thrush break in?
17:08Or break out?
17:09LAUGHTER
17:10I've got a wood-burning stove and it was just flapping around.
17:13In the stove?
17:14It was in the stove.
17:15It fell into the wood-burning stove.
17:17Wow.
17:18I have a babysitter in the house.
17:20She has a good idea, which is to get a box,
17:23sort of a storage box with a lid on it.
17:25Yeah.
17:26So we decide that one of us is going to open the door
17:28and the other person is going to stick the box
17:30over the wood-burning stove
17:32and the thrush is going to fly into it
17:35and then we're going to put the lid on.
17:36That's our plan.
17:37OK.
17:38What had you done prior to this,
17:40before the babysitter was helping?
17:42Nothing.
17:43I just shouted...
17:44You...
17:45I just shouted,
17:46Mayday!
17:47Mayday!
17:48It's...
17:49It's not a right month.
17:50LAUGHTER
17:51APPLAUSE
17:53So we get the bird in
17:55and then we stick the lid on
17:56and we've got the bird in the box...
17:58It worked!
17:59..in the lid.
18:00It's worked!
18:01We turn around, ecstatic.
18:02Oh, my God, we've done it!
18:03Another bird flies out of the wood-burning stove!
18:05No!
18:06There's double thrush!
18:08Double thrush!
18:109.99!
18:11LAUGHTER
18:13You haven't told us what Kate is doing.
18:15Yes, well, I ran outside the house,
18:18text Kate's husband.
18:21Right.
18:22Ah.
18:23And I say,
18:24Can you come round and help us out?
18:25Hmm.
18:26He said,
18:27No.
18:28No.
18:29Did he?
18:30Asked my wife.
18:31And then he followed it up with,
18:33She's got previous with birds.
18:35LAUGHTER
18:36All right.
18:37So I rang her.
18:38You rang her?
18:39You didn't text her.
18:40I don't suppose you're in the house, are you?
18:42Because I've heard you've got previous with birds.
18:45And, erm...
18:46It's a very bold text.
18:48LAUGHTER
18:49She's remembering the day with amusement.
18:52LAUGHTER
18:53Oh, she's looking back on that.
18:55Oh, no, no.
18:56She's remembering the time her horse bit my nipple.
18:58LAUGHTER
19:00She just plucked one out of the air, honestly.
19:04As it was flying.
19:05And then something happened and she got spooked.
19:09And then in the next moment she was running out of her.
19:12At this point there's three women just standing on the pavement,
19:15screaming.
19:16Now, this is preposterous.
19:17We don't need to have any more time with this.
19:19LAUGHTER
19:21Did the birds get out of the house?
19:23There was two passers-by.
19:26What?
19:27And, erm, they were physiotherapists.
19:29Physiotherapists?
19:30And they had been visiting another neighbour.
19:33Who needed two physiotherapists.
19:35And...
19:36LAUGHTER
19:37You know, you make an appointment with a physiotherapist sometimes,
19:39do you need one or do you need two?
19:41LAUGHTER
19:42Is it a big job?
19:44An exhausting day, therapising an enormous person.
19:50LAUGHTER
19:52In my experience of the NHS,
19:54you can't get a physiotherapist,
19:56and then after six months, two come along.
19:58LAUGHTER
20:04So, what did these physiotherapists do?
20:07They each grabbed a blanket off my sofa
20:10and just enveloped the birds
20:13and just let them fly
20:15and off they went.
20:16Right.
20:17Now, what about Lee?
20:19Remind us, Lee.
20:20This is Kate.
20:21She gave me a plaster
20:23after her horse bit my nipple.
20:25LAUGHTER
20:26Where are we, Lee?
20:27We're in a field, Rob.
20:29We're in a field.
20:30Why do you have your top off
20:32in a field with a horse?
20:33LAUGHTER
20:34Well, listen, young man,
20:35I don't know how you're imagining this story.
20:37LAUGHTER
20:38But I haven't actually got my top off, you perverts.
20:41LAUGHTER
20:42I mean, normal clothes, jeans, t-shirt.
20:44Why are you in the field?
20:45Well, I'm out with my family.
20:46Oh, you're all...
20:47All the family are there?
20:48Yeah, it's a Friday,
20:49I'm allowed to see them.
20:50LAUGHTER
20:52So, we're in a field,
20:53there's a horse.
20:54Now, we're leaning over the fence,
20:55trying to attract the horse over...
20:56Right, right.
20:57..with a bit of grass.
20:58What kind of horse is it?
21:00How many hands?
21:01Oh, it didn't have any hands.
21:03LAUGHTER
21:04Um, I would say it was quite a small horse,
21:06it was 12 hands.
21:07And how did he get close to your nipple?
21:10It was a hot day, I was lactating.
21:12LAUGHTER
21:13Oh, no.
21:14The horse came over...
21:16Yeah.
21:17..and he's having a little sort of around my neck area,
21:19like this,
21:20and we were all laughing,
21:21it was a bit ticklish, whiskers in the face.
21:22Yeah.
21:23And then, before you know it,
21:24chomp.
21:25Ooh.
21:26Ooh.
21:27Straight on the nipple.
21:28I would say it was friendly.
21:29I don't think it was being aggressive.
21:30Sort of friendly.
21:31Flirtatious, one might say.
21:32Yes, you could say it was flirtatious.
21:33But with the teeth this time.
21:34My own fault,
21:35I was squeezing its buttocks provocatively.
21:37LAUGHTER
21:41So, how does Kate enter this story?
21:43Well, I screamed a proper yelp,
21:45it really hurts when a horse bites.
21:46Yes.
21:47And there was blood and I had a white T-shirt.
21:49Oh, no!
21:50And then, before you know it,
21:51Kate comes over,
21:52she happened to be in the field
21:53with some other horses in the distance,
21:55came over immediately.
21:56What did she open with?
21:58I think it was a song by...
22:00LAUGHTER
22:01I might have been Frank Sinatra.
22:03No, I think...
22:04You know what I mean.
22:05What is she saying?
22:06She says, are you OK?
22:07And I said, er...
22:08I said, well, as you can see,
22:09not really.
22:10Erm,
22:11and then I sort of...
22:12I had to look,
22:13so I pulled the T-shirt up.
22:14Oh!
22:15Ooh!
22:16And, er,
22:17she went,
22:18oh, my God.
22:19She said,
22:20I'm so sorry, madam.
22:21I said, no, they're mamboos.
22:22LAUGHTER
22:24And then she said...
22:25When you had the beard?
22:26Yeah, it's when I had the beard, yeah.
22:27You had the beard?
22:28Well, you know, my wife's got one, as you know,
22:29so it's hard to tell.
22:30LAUGHTER
22:31So she says,
22:32I'll get you a plaster.
22:33Yeah.
22:34Erm, and some antiseptic.
22:35OK.
22:36Who administers the antiseptic cream to the injured nipple?
22:41I did it myself.
22:42She's also brought some wet wipes.
22:44Oh, no, you hadn't.
22:45I had.
22:46LAUGHTER
22:47LAUGHTER
22:48If you haven't been bitten by a horse, it's very scurrying.
22:51Erm...
22:52All right.
22:53We need an answer.
22:54So, David's team.
22:56Is Kate Tasha's Strictly Saviour,
23:00Jessica's Helpless Helper, or Lee's Nipple Nurse?
23:04Well, I don't know.
23:06LAUGHTER
23:07All plausible.
23:08I mean, I can kind of see the thrush.
23:11LAUGHTER
23:13Of course kind of sounds like, you know, it could also happen.
23:18They're all possible.
23:19Yeah.
23:20Strictly Trophy, yes, but also always being there to polish it.
23:24Yeah.
23:25The place was full of press that night.
23:27Yes.
23:28If somebody had dropped the trophy, we'd have heard about it already.
23:30So we can dismiss her.
23:32I think...
23:33Well, that's...
23:34I love this clarity.
23:35LAUGHTER
23:36Jess was all over the place with her story.
23:39We can dismiss Jess as well.
23:41LAUGHTER
23:42Well, there's one left.
23:43Sweet Lord.
23:44LAUGHTER
23:46When all other possibilities...
23:47LAUGHTER
23:49Giles thinks it's Lee.
23:51Right.
23:52Who do you think it is?
23:53I think it's Jess.
23:54Oh.
23:55We'll go Jess.
23:56You're saying Jess?
23:57Yep.
23:58If you were making it up, why would you make up the two physiotherapists?
24:01We're about to find out.
24:02Gosh.
24:03We are about to find out.
24:04We said Jess.
24:05Can't go back now.
24:06Who said Jess?
24:07Yeah, no, I'm aware...
24:08It's on the record that you disagree.
24:10Yeah.
24:11So...
24:12You're a...
24:13You're a tremendous team member.
24:15LAUGHTER
24:16OK, they think it's Jess.
24:18Kate, would you please reveal your true identity?
24:22I'm Kate and Jess and I failed to get rid of some birds.
24:26LAUGHTER
24:27Well done.
24:28Well done.
24:29Well done.
24:30Well done.
24:31Yes, Kate is Jessica's helpless helper.
24:33Thank you very much, Kate.
24:34Yes, Kate!
24:35We'll get along with.
24:37See you at home.
24:39Which brings us to our final round, quick-fire lies, and we start with...
24:43It's Tasha.
24:44After dating a boy for just a week, I got a tattoo of his initials.
24:52One week later, we split up.
24:54Oh!
24:55David's team.
24:56Oh.
24:57What were his initials?
24:58AP.
24:59AP.
25:00Ooh.
25:01And you'd only known him for a week when you decided to get inked?
25:04Yeah.
25:05You know, you only live once.
25:07LAUGHTER
25:08You know, it actually happened when we were on holiday, that's why.
25:12You know, we went somewhere, got quite drunk.
25:14You know, you're in love, that romance.
25:16It was a moment of, like, let's just do it.
25:18Do you still have the tattoo now?
25:20No, I got it removed.
25:21Whereabouts was it?
25:22It was on my bum cheek, actually.
25:24Oh!
25:25Where was this drunken time?
25:28I was in Mexico.
25:29Oh!
25:30Yeah.
25:31So, the thing is, with my generation, though, we're talking about my generation,
25:35we have this thing called dating.
25:37So, you date for, like, a year...
25:39A year or two, right?
25:40You do know that the previous generation had dated, that's how you were born.
25:44LAUGHTER
25:46Yeah, but back in your day, it's very like...
25:48No, don't...
25:49LAUGHTER
25:54So...
25:55I mean, I'm not disrespected, but I'm not his generation.
25:58LAUGHTER
25:59I'm so sorry.
26:00From Tasha's vantage point, we're all the same.
26:04Aslut, Charles Dickens, William the Conqueror.
26:07LAUGHTER
26:09So, back in the day, you know, I feel like you'd get the ladies up and dance,
26:13you'd write letters, like it was very...
26:15LAUGHTER
26:17What happened?
26:18Oh, my goodness.
26:19What was that?
26:20Of course, you know, you'd arrive in a carriage.
26:22LAUGHTER
26:23Exactly.
26:24You'd produce your grill.
26:25You'd wear ball gowns, like...
26:26Exactly.
26:27I'd offer your sword.
26:29Did the curse into each other.
26:30Back in the early 90s, that's how it was.
26:33LAUGHTER
26:34So, how is it different for your generation?
26:36Is it just online?
26:37Is it just online?
26:38Are you just Snapchatting each other?
26:40Snapchatting?
26:41LAUGHTER
26:42Do you Snapchat?
26:43LAUGHTER
26:44I mean...
26:46I mean...
26:47Sorry, I didn't even use Snapchat.
26:48I mean WhatsApp-ing.
26:49Yeah.
26:50I mean...
26:51Tweeting, tweeting.
26:52Rob...
26:53Tweeting.
26:54You're exing each other.
26:56Stop using words you don't understand.
26:59MySpace.
27:00LAUGHTER
27:04So, OK.
27:05You had the tattoo, so you'd think,
27:07oh, things are wonderful.
27:08Yeah.
27:09What happened then?
27:10He cheated on me.
27:11Oh!
27:12Tasha, no.
27:13Just a...
27:14Less than a week after going official?
27:16And...
27:17And it was with my friend.
27:18No!
27:19No!
27:20It was...
27:21It was...
27:22Honestly, it was my friend called Jessica.
27:24Oh, yeah, name her!
27:25Name her!
27:26Yeah, got her name, Jessica.
27:27Hey, hey, hey!
27:29APPLAUSE
27:32Does he have your initials?
27:34No.
27:35So, you said a week ago he went official,
27:37I think it's going very well,
27:38I'm going to get a tattoo of your initials on my buttock,
27:41and he went,
27:42OK, go ahead then, I'll...
27:44I might buy a postcard.
27:45Well, that's what happens when you're in love.
27:47When you're in love, you do silly things, right?
27:49Yeah, yeah.
27:50Erm, it's time to decide.
27:51What do you think?
27:52Was that all true?
27:53Do you think it's true, Will?
27:54I think it's true.
27:55And I can see that sort of go on holiday,
27:57caught up in the sun and sangria.
27:59So loved up.
28:00Well, I thought we might go true.
28:02I'm going to go true.
28:03Are you going to say it's true?
28:04OK.
28:05Tasha, they're saying they think it's true.
28:06Was it true?
28:07Or was it a lie?
28:09It was...
28:11a lie.
28:12Oh!
28:13APPLAUSE
28:14Well done.
28:15Well done.
28:16It's a lie.
28:17Tasha didn't get a tattoo of a boy's initials.
28:21CHEERING
28:22That noise signals time is up.
28:23It's the end of the show.
28:24I can reveal that Lee's team has won by three points to one.
28:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:29APPLAUSE
28:30We'll see you next time.
28:31Good night.
28:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:33APPLAUSE
28:34APPLAUSE
28:35Everyone.
28:37Thank you very much.
28:41You are running back!
28:42But you think you saw that this year's side of Tara Roman Re bitten off the s swoop.
28:44There it is.
28:45You are making the best.
28:47You're making it all.
28:49And, really.
28:50I wish.
28:51I may have been left the show.
28:52He's giving up!
28:53The swamp!
28:54Floodingango� sufficiently close to the historia of 448.
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