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Have.I.Got.News.for.You.S70E11
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00:30APPLAUSE
00:32Good evening, um...
00:36Welcome to Have I Got 2025.
00:38For you, I'm Jason Mumford.
00:40I'm Angela Rippon.
00:41I'm Roy Wood Jr.
00:42I'm Martin Clunes.
00:43In the news this year...
00:45In Leatherhead, hidden camera footage reveals to MI5
00:48how the network of Bulgarian spies were exchanging secret information.
01:00LAUGHTER
01:05As a school talent show near Hinkley Point,
01:07one pupil shows off the benefits of living so close to a nuclear power station.
01:11PHONE RINGS
01:12At Britain's largest container crane in Tilbury,
01:18the operator has just been told to expect a visit from Rachel Reeves.
01:27LAUGHTER
01:29In Arbroath, at the opening of an exhibition on the history of trowels,
01:33one woman wonders how long it'll be before she can sneak out for a fag.
01:37LAUGHTER
01:42And in Pyongyang, Kim Jong-un finds a way round his dietician's strict orders
01:46that no more alcohol should pass his lips.
01:49LAUGHTER
01:50Oh, that's the previous Prime Minister.
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05That's the fiscal drag queen.
02:07LAUGHTER
02:08And that's next week's Prime Minister.
02:10LAUGHTER
02:11This is the Labour Party.
02:12They've imitated most of the previous government's antics,
02:15so they thought, why not have a civil war?
02:17Do you know what? It's like nuts.
02:19You've got people who are completely allergic to nuts
02:21and people who really, really love nuts,
02:24and Keir Starmer's gone, I've got three nuts.
02:27LAUGHTER
02:34That's exactly what it is.
02:35LAUGHTER
02:37What was missing from his conference speech?
02:40A trapeze axe?
02:42That was the Lib Dem conference.
02:44Oh, yeah.
02:45LAUGHTER
02:46There was a line of policy, but he was advised to take it out,
02:49which was something on the economy that promised
02:52growth you can feel in your pocket.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:56He'd take your mind off the economy, though, wouldn't he?
02:59LAUGHTER
03:00Oh, bless.
03:02Do I do.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:06He's hopeless. He's got to get it together.
03:09LAUGHTER
03:10But, of course, everyone can make mistakes, though, can't they, Sophie?
03:15LAUGHTER
03:17There has been a number.
03:18Yes.
03:19There's one really, really embarrassing one
03:21that I have a horrible feeling it is.
03:23I think it might be that one.
03:24Yeah.
03:25Let's have a look.
03:26Joining us in our studio now is the leader of Scottish Labour...
03:28Labour, sorry.
03:29LAUGHTER
03:30APPLAUSE
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32APPLAUSE
03:37She later apologised and explained she didn't mean it,
03:39clitorally.
03:40LAUGHTER
03:46APPLAUSE
03:47Rachel Reeves, what do you think is going to happen to her?
03:50Well, she made a mistake.
03:52She's been exonerated and the Prime Minister was absolutely right
03:54to accept her apology.
03:56Do you think people who make mistakes should be exonerated, or...?
03:59Well, the Prime Minister was equally magnanimous with me,
04:01which is why I'm really delighted I'm still serving as Transport Secretary.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:06According to one poll on the Chancellor of the Exchequer,
04:09two-thirds of the public think Rachel Reeves should resign,
04:12to which a concerned Reeves remarked,
04:14blimey, that is nearly 50%.
04:16LAUGHTER
04:18It's also been reported that Auntie Lorena came very close to appearing
04:21on this year's I'm a Celebrity.
04:23Apparently she was very tempted by the idea she could claim the camp
04:25as her primary residence.
04:27LAUGHTER
04:31What's rumbling on for Starmer?
04:33The Chinese spy case.
04:34This is absolutely right.
04:35No-one seeming to be able to buy the government's claims
04:38that the case collapsing wasn't their fault.
04:40I think the cover that China may not be our best friends
04:43may have been blown a while back.
04:45And also they're listening to you through your toaster.
04:47Which I don't like.
04:50LAUGHTER
04:52What sort of toaster have you got?
04:54Um...
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56I suppose I should...
04:57It's the Huawei spy toaster.
05:00LAUGHTER
05:02Look, I'm not an expert, but...
05:04LAUGHTER
05:06They're so desperate for all this information...
05:09Yeah.
05:10..that it seems to call into question
05:12how effective fortune cookies are.
05:14LAUGHTER
05:15You know what I mean?
05:16LAUGHTER
05:17And think about it...
05:19APPLAUSE
05:20Right...
05:21APPLAUSE
05:23Ah, yes, this is the fervid adventures of the biggest tosspot
05:26there ever lived.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:28APPLAUSE
05:29Yeah, there he is, Trump.
05:33He's knocking down the east wing of the White House,
05:35which is not even a metaphor for what he's doing to America.
05:38It's too obvious and blatant and on the nose for that.
05:41There's no rhyme or reason to it at all.
05:42He's placed 10% tariff on these islands near Antarctica,
05:46where the only inhabitants are penguins.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50And the penguins are there like, what did we do?
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53I didn't like happy feet.
05:54I thought it was a terrible movie.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:58What else has Trump been changing at the White House?
06:01His underwear.
06:02LAUGHTER
06:03What underwear do you think he has?
06:05Padded and absorbent.
06:07APPLAUSE
06:09At part of his annual check-up, Donald Trump had a colonoscopy.
06:15Mm!
06:16LAUGHTER
06:18Where they found Keir Starmer.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:26He has to be a winner.
06:27He can't possibly become second.
06:29He has to be the biggest, best...
06:31The best cognitive test.
06:32Absolutely.
06:33Nobody has ever done this test.
06:34We have tested millions of people.
06:36Yeah.
06:37Absolutely more and have done better than...
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40We really are a man.
06:41APPLAUSE
06:42I just don't know how you do it.
06:44Mm.
06:45Something has dampened his mood, though.
06:47What might that have been?
06:48Was it the cover of...
06:49The cover of Time magazine.
06:50The cover of Time magazine.
06:51That's right.
06:52Where he was all jowly and his hair looked thin.
06:54Yeah.
06:55Didn't like it.
06:56There it is.
06:57Trump wrote on Truth Social,
06:58The picture may be the worst of all time.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:03Go on, Donald.
07:04It's not as bad as this one.
07:05LAUGHTER
07:07APPLAUSE
07:09Geoffrey Epstein's emails seem to implicate Trump,
07:13with one saying,
07:14of course he knew about the girls.
07:16In fairness to Trump,
07:17a lot of what Epstein wrote wasn't true,
07:19like his suicide note.
07:20LAUGHTER
07:21So...
07:22APPLAUSE
07:27In other news,
07:28why is Donald Trump not happy with the BBC?
07:30Panorama edited together a bit of Trump's speech
07:34that he made on January 6th.
07:36It's stupid and it's clumsy to have done that.
07:38I feel like if he was clearly inciting violence,
07:40then there's no need to edit a clip
07:42that makes him more clearly look to be...
07:44I think that's a very sensible view.
07:46APPLAUSE
07:47That bit will be edited, so it will be me saying,
07:50fight, fight, fight!
07:51LAUGHTER
07:53He doesn't want the case to happen here,
07:55because damages in British courts rarely exceed £100,000,
07:58which could be why...
07:59They do sometimes.
08:01LAUGHTER
08:04Hold on, hold on, we've got...
08:06Guys, hold on.
08:07Breaking news by looking at it.
08:08Andrew is no longer a prince.
08:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:13Oh, wow!
08:14Righty!
08:16What happened?
08:17The bad news is he's become king.
08:21Yes.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:25OK.
08:26OK.
08:27King Charles seems to have had enough, finally.
08:29Yeah, this policy of letting Andrew announce...
08:32A what?
08:33The policy of letting...
08:34Oh, announce, sorry.
08:35LAUGHTER
08:36I kept putting a U in it.
08:43Announce what's going to happen to himself hasn't gone so well.
08:48It's like salami slicing.
08:50People wanted...
08:51That's what they should do to him.
08:52Yeah.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:55According to the statement from Buckingham Palace,
08:57Prince Andrew has been forced to give up all his styles,
09:00titles and honours.
09:01However, he does get to keep his Pizza Express loyalty card.
09:04LAUGHTER
09:11Oh, St Peter's Square.
09:12The Pope's dead.
09:14On Easter Monday, wasn't it?
09:15It was.
09:16Yes, indeed.
09:17Shortly after he met JD Vance.
09:19Yes!
09:20You can see the look in the Pope's eyes, aren't you?
09:22Right, that's it, I'm off.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:25This is indeed the news that the Pope has died.
09:30Thousands of mourners got the chance to file past the Pope's coffin
09:34just as soon as Holly and Phil had paid their respects.
09:38LAUGHTER
09:40Sorry, I've just got to get that, hang on.
09:43Hello, yeah.
09:44Well, I could start on Monday.
09:47LAUGHTER
09:50Yeah, I was brought up as a Catholic, yeah.
09:53LAUGHTER
10:02I've got to finish this and I'll be with you.
10:03Yeah, yeah.
10:04Heh-he!
10:07I don't care about the score now.
10:08That's fantastic.
10:09Habamus Papam.
10:10How dare you!
10:13Your mind is too filthy to be Pope.
10:15That's the problem with you.
10:16LAUGHTER
10:18It's true though, isn't it?
10:20I think you should look into the history of the Popes.
10:22LAUGHTER
10:27One Italian candidate for Pope is Cardinal Pizzabella,
10:31who once offered himself up in a hostage exchange deal.
10:35A deal that also included free garlic bread and a bottle of phantom.
10:39LAUGHTER
10:40How has a Wensleydale vicar upset his flock?
10:43He confused the term brass rubbing with bras rubbing.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:47Got into trouble with a front row pew.
10:49Residents in Asgrig, Wensleydale are furious
10:52after a 15th century church tower was given a lime wash render.
10:56They were promised it would be a soft honey colour.
10:58Yes.
10:59Here's what it looked like before.
11:00Yeah, lovely.
11:01Here's what it looks like now.
11:02Oh!
11:03That's crunchy, isn't it?
11:04That's not good.
11:05Very unlike the church to whitewash something.
11:07LAUGHTER
11:08APPLAUSE
11:09LAUGHTER
11:10LAUGHTER
11:11LAUGHTER
11:12APPLAUSE
11:13LAUGHTER
11:15Like collections, bin collection.
11:17There's Farage.
11:18It's Nigageddon.
11:19LAUGHTER
11:20I mean, presumably, over the course of this series,
11:22people will say, probably they're already saying,
11:24the show is now mentioning Nigel Farage.
11:26Yep.
11:27And the press is...
11:28Yeah.
11:29And that is the dilemma.
11:30Do you address what he's saying?
11:32Because it seems to be either wrong or in need of correction
11:35or dangerous or incitement or hypocritical or whatever.
11:39I mean, people mispronouncing his name.
11:41It's far right.
11:42LAUGHTER
11:43It's a minor thing that...
11:46APPLAUSE
11:47What has Nigel Farage got more of than any other UK politician?
11:51Is it bears named after him?
11:53It's not.
11:54Farage has got digital clout.
11:57Oh, dear.
11:58You can get ointment for that.
11:59LAUGHTER
12:01How did Nigel Farage make his entrance?
12:03Did we just shut it out of a cannon?
12:05LAUGHTER
12:06Was it in a rubber boat?
12:07That'd be funny.
12:08I mean, if you've done...
12:09LAUGHTER
12:11Would you like to see a highlight of that conference?
12:16Is it the singing?
12:18Yes.
12:19Oh, good. Yeah, let's have that.
12:20I'm an insomniac
12:23I'm an insomniac
12:25And all I have to hear
12:28Is the sound of that
12:30The sound of that door
12:34I'm an insomniac
12:37What the hell is this?
12:39LAUGHTER
12:40That's Andrea Jenkins
12:42Former Tory MP
12:43When she was a Tory
12:44She was sitting where you were
12:45On this programme
12:46Yeah, really?
12:47I was on that thing
12:48You said, I don't think we'll see her again
12:49Mm
12:50LAUGHTER
12:51Now look what you've done, Ian
12:53And it's her song
12:54It is
12:55She's written it
12:56She wrote it
12:57In the middle of the night
12:58Presumably
12:59Yeah
13:00LAUGHTER
13:01APPLAUSE
13:02That's a cheering scene, isn't it?
13:08Oh!
13:09LAUGHTER
13:10She's back
13:11This is the Tory conference
13:12And I believe you were there
13:13So was it as empty as it looked?
13:15Uh, yes
13:17LAUGHTER
13:19What's Cammy Badenoch celebrating?
13:20Oh, one year
13:21One year
13:22Oh, yeah
13:23She's celebrating that from now on
13:24Rebel backbenchers can put in letters of no confidence
13:27Yeah
13:28She's done a year
13:29But as Sky News pointed out
13:30A grace period stopping MPs from submitting letters of no competence
13:33In her
13:34Competence?
13:35LAUGHTER
13:36That's brilliant
13:37A Freudian slip, Catherine
13:39APPLAUSE
13:44It's Robert Jenrick
13:45It is
13:46The story is he's been going down the tube
13:48Erm
13:49Literally
13:50LAUGHTER
13:51He's not the Tory leader but he'd quite like to be
13:54So he's leading a campaign against crime
13:56On the London Underground pointing out fair dodgers
13:59Mm
14:00Do you think it's a right not to pay?
14:01Why don't you go back and pay?
14:02F*** off
14:03You can say f*** off as much as you want
14:05But everyone else has to pay
14:06You're carrying a knife, do you say?
14:08It's the same with bike theft, phone theft, tool theft, shoplifting
14:12Drugs in town centres, weird Turkish barber shops
14:16LAUGHTER
14:19I'm confused though, is that a barber shop specifically serving weird turks?
14:23LAUGHTER
14:25According to the son, Jenrick was repeatedly told to f*** off
14:31He then left his house
14:33LAUGHTER
14:35This is the Tory party conference over the weekend
14:39The conference was so sparsely attended
14:41That several Tory MPs had to go back to the hotel
14:44And have an affair with themselves
14:46LAUGHTER
14:48We don't know who that is
14:58Elon Musk, who's a keynote speaker at the US Saudi Investment Forum
15:02Which sounds fascinating
15:04What cheery prediction did he make?
15:06Was it AI?
15:07No
15:08Musk said
15:09Ultimately there will be tens of billions of humanoid robots roaming the earth
15:14Let's have a look at one of them
15:16LAUGHTER
15:18APPLAUSE
15:20They're very lifelike apparently, these humanoid robots
15:25They have detachable hands
15:26For the Saudis
15:27Talking about exciting big world events, Helen, where have you just been?
15:33Yes, I went to the first ever Riyadh stand-up comedy festival
15:36I wasn't even offered it
15:38I wasn't even offered the gig
15:40I would have had some of that sweet blood money
15:42LAUGHTER
15:44But luckily I'm in the running for the Boca Haram Giggle Fest
15:48LAUGHTER
15:49Not for that
15:52That's the one
15:54LAUGHTER
15:55Who or what do 44% of people trust more than anyone, including their family?
16:00God
16:01LAUGHTER
16:02Close
16:03AI
16:04Oh, that's just tragic
16:06And the head of Google said this week, don't trust AI
16:09And you think, you put it out there
16:12It's amazing what it can do
16:14Would anyone like to see Ian and Paul as Muppets?
16:17Ian
16:18LAUGHTER
16:22That's good
16:23Who's going?
16:24Oh!
16:25I like that
16:26It's good
16:27And Paul, here's one of you
16:29LAUGHTER
16:31They look so benign, don't they?
16:33Maybe we could do this to world leaders to make them seem less threatening
16:37Here's Xi Jinping
16:39LAUGHTER
16:40Here's Putin
16:42And here's Trump
16:44LAUGHTER
16:47Ian, do you want to guess?
16:56It's Gary Lineker
16:57You're right!
16:58Is it?
16:59Yes
17:00APPLAUSE
17:01Of course it is
17:02Well, it didn't take him long to get a new job, did it?
17:11Yeah
17:12Is he presenting Crutch of the day?
17:14Yeah
17:15Is there any explanation for that photo? It's just...
17:18No, no, it's just in my wallet
17:21LAUGHTER
17:23Kelly, you managed to upset a couple of fellow North Westerners
17:28What did I do?
17:29Well, perhaps we should look at what you did
17:31After three wins in four, particularly after the win against Brighton
17:34We're expecting he's going to be in a good mood
17:36How significant was that last win?
17:38It was a huge win, I mean...
17:40Do you think...
17:41I mean...
17:42I mean...
17:43I mean...
17:44I mean...
17:45LAUGHTER
17:46Was it done as an April Fool joke or something?
17:49No, they...
17:50They just aren't very good at walking and talking
17:53They were supposed to answer...
17:54Yes
17:55And then go
17:56Right
17:57LAUGHTER
17:58But they made it look natural
18:00LAUGHTER
18:01Paris Saint-Germain have won the Champions League
18:04PSG defeated four Premier League teams on their way to the final
18:07Some football experts attributed this to the English club's heavier schedule
18:11Other pundits put it down to an inability to modernise their tactics
18:15While Gary Lineker blamed Benjamin Netanyahu
18:19It's good that someone does
18:23Just saying
18:24Is it a cheese rolling?
18:34Oh, God
18:35That was fantastic
18:36Absolutely
18:37The annual cheese rolling contest at Cooper's Hill took place this weekend
18:42Yes
18:43And a wonderful, wonderful quaint English tradition
18:46Take a look
18:47LAUGHTER
18:49LAUGHTER
18:52LAUGHTER
18:53You can only do stuff like that when you have...
19:03When you're in a country with good health care
19:05Like that?
19:06Yeah
19:07LAUGHTER
19:08That's a...
19:10LAUGHTER
19:11What did one of the winners have to say after the race?
19:14Aww
19:15LAUGHTER
19:16LAUGHTER
19:18According to the BBC after the race...
19:21Several people were taken to the hospital to have their heads checked
19:25LAUGHTER
19:27LAUGHTER
19:28When I pressed the button he wasn't wearing a beret or holding a pallet
19:38LAUGHTER
19:39Right, so there's these rats that have been doing these paintings which have gone extremely well
19:43What they do is they dip the rats in the blue paint and they walk across the canvas
19:46And somebody in New York Art Gallery has paid £12 million for this huge canvas that's rat-based
19:49Yeah
19:50Yeah, what do you mean yeah? Can't be right
19:52LAUGHTER
19:53This is the news that a group of rats in Somerset have launched their painting career
19:56No, they haven't
19:57They haven't launched it, somebody else has done it
20:00LAUGHTER
20:01How are these artworks created by the rats?
20:04By dipping them in paint and then shoving them across something
20:06Yes
20:07It's either that or giving them lessons in perspective
20:10That's exactly right, shall we have a look at the rats masterpiece?
20:12Yeah, go on then
20:13Yes
20:14Here we go
20:15Wow
20:16Oh, no, he's proud of it because they say he's proud
20:19Their owner, Steph Toogood, told the BBC she wants to shift people's opinions of rats
20:24She has 16 rats but only 12 of them paint
20:27Oh, really? What did the other do? Sculpt?
20:29Uh...
20:35How are the Labour Council of Birmingham doing with the bin strike?
20:39Not well
20:40Yeah, not too well
20:41And the rats are now 17 feet
20:46According to The Sun, the streets were being invaded by rats the size of cats
20:50They just need to send in cats the size of dogs
20:59The Mail Online gave this graphic illustration of how bad the rat problem is
21:05It's not the best way to sell a glove on eBay, is it?
21:09People who like this item also like this
21:11LAUGHTER
21:12Yes, this is Penguin
21:21They're not allowed to call themselves chocolate any more
21:24Oh, yes, I see
21:25Because there's not enough chocolate in it
21:26That's right
21:27They can no longer say, this is a chocolate bar
21:29It's a bit like Prince Andrew, isn't it?
21:31It is
21:32It is
21:33Penguin's can no longer be legally described as chocolate due to a reduction of cocoa in their recipes
21:38Their status has now been downgraded to chocolate flavour
21:42Yeah
21:43Now, do you remember this, Club Biscuit's classic slogan?
21:47If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join our club
21:51See, it's clever advertising because it's not saying there is a lot of chocolate on a club biscuit
21:56No
21:57If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, then join our club
21:59But you may not find a lot of chocolate on this club
22:01Yeah
22:02Even though that's your preferred biscuit of choice
22:04Yeah
22:05I think I'm going mad
22:07No
22:08Why would they now change the slogan to
22:11If you don't want any chocolate on your biscuit
22:13Eat one of these
22:16Time now for the odd one-out round
22:19Anne Boleyn's fingers, murders in Midsommar, Elon Musk's progeny and penises on the bio tapestry
22:29Well, Anne Boleyn was repeated to have six fingers
22:32Yes
22:33The connection is extra numbers
22:36Extra bits
22:37Extra bits
22:38Okay
22:39And Elon Musk has over eight million children
22:42He has a disputed number of children, I think
22:47Yes
22:48So I would think that three of them are in dispute
22:50Whereas in Midsommar Murders, there is a hell of a lot of murders
22:53But there's a clear figure
22:54So it could be Midsommar Murders
22:55Is exactly the right answer
23:01Midsommar witnessed exactly 388 murders
23:04One death involved a tumble dryer
23:12That was the whole body in there
23:13Could have shrunk in the wash first
23:22Now, the number of penises embroidered on the bio tapestry
23:29Dr Christopher Monk
23:30Dr Christopher Monk
23:31He's an expert on Anglo-Saxon nudity
23:34That's what he tells the wife
23:37He recently spotted a mist penis
23:44Which has taken the total to a whacking rate 94
23:47This is a common thing that men do
23:49Is that they think, you know, we'd like to see their penises a lot
23:52They send us all these pictures of them
23:54Are you suggesting the tapestry is one giant dick pic?
23:57Well...
23:59Elon Musk's said to have been offering his sperm to friends
24:05Just a sherry for me
24:10Time now for the missing words round
24:12And we start with...
24:13Shock as what wins election?
24:16Lawnmower
24:18Labour Party
24:21Eileen Jacobs
24:22That's the closest answer yet
24:24Is it?
24:25Shock as Adolf Hitler wins election
24:28Not that one
24:30This Adolf Hitler is a local counsellor in Namibia
24:33There'd be someone called Eileen Jacobs at home
24:35And Paul would have said her name
24:36Firstly, she'd be like
24:37Oh, my God, Eileen Jacobs
24:38And then you'd go
24:39Yeah, that's the closest yet
24:40It was Adolf Hitler
24:41Yeah, yeah
24:44Well, Eileen needs to stop her programme of National Socialism
24:47Now the BBC's going to get sued by Eileen Jacobs as well
24:50Yeah
24:51Come on, Eileen
24:52Next up
24:53A woman who threw message in a bottle into sea to find romantic connection, what?
25:02Marries Welk
25:09Victim of catfishing
25:10Yay!
25:11Yay!
25:12Yay!
25:13A woman who threw message in a bottle into sea to find romantic connection gets reply saying,
25:18Please stop throwing rubbish into sea
25:21Oh, no!
25:26And here is Lorraine Forbes with her bottle
25:29Well, Lorraine has sent many messages looking for love in plastic bottles, one of which literally took its recipient's breath away when it got wedged in a dolphin's blowhole
25:40Net, beginners to the world of roller skating should remember the saying, what?
25:45It's not the rock in your roll, it's the glide in your slide
25:48What?
25:49Beginners to the world of roller skating should remember the saying, don't go near the jungle because to a tiger you're meals on wheels
25:59Should remember the saying, you look like a tosser
26:01You look like a tosser
26:06These are all very good
26:07Yeah
26:08Sadly, the answer is
26:09Yeah
26:10Beginners to the world of roller skating should remember the saying, drill it till you kill it
26:15Drill it till you kill it, also being Donald Trump's environmental policy
26:20Next, local council plans Britain's first ever festival dedicated to what?
26:24Er, corruption
26:25Local council plans Britain's first ever festival dedicated to Margaret Thatcher
26:32Oh really?
26:34The festival will feature special beers to celebrate Thatcher, including Iron Lady and Grantham Lass
26:40And for later in her life, old peculiar
26:45There'll be a variety of events at the Thatcher Festival, but apparently no dancing because her grave is elsewhere
26:51LAUGHTER
26:55Finally, German priests surprised to discover what while watching TV documentary
27:00Discovering his house has been condemned
27:02Worse than that
27:03His tomatoes have been condemned
27:05No
27:06German priests surprised to discover he's Himmler's grandson while watching TV documentary
27:14Priest Henrik Linkert said
27:15If one could resurrect people
27:18I'd grab Grandpa and give him a good thrashing
27:22Oh, that's priests for you, isn't it?
27:23Mind that
27:28But before we go, there's just time for the caption competition
27:31Do you think I should stop the ozempic now?
27:36In a moment of compassion, Prince Andrew is given a much needed drink
27:39LAUGHTER
27:44And I leave you with news that there's a deflating moment for the King
27:47As it's explained that he has nothing to unveil
27:49And he is simply visiting a curtain factory
27:51LAUGHTER
27:56In Whitby, excitement gave way to disappointment
27:59After a sighting of the UK's biggest cockle turned out to be a false alarm
28:08And speculation about the identity of the new James Bond reaches fever pitch
28:13LAUGHTER
28:14LAUGHTER
28:18Happy Christmas
28:31Good news, there are loads more episodes on iPlayer now
28:34Well, for one family, a surprise visit to Lapland will make a Christmas they'll never forget
28:39Drama stuffed on iPlayer
28:41This and everything across the BBC is made possible because we're funded by you
28:46Thank you
28:48APPLAUSE
28:50Thank you
28:51Thank you
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