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Have.I.Got.News.for.You.S70E06

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00:00I hope that tonight won't be a particularly long recording
00:03because I've got to get back to Wandsworth...
00:05LAUGHTER
00:07..before lights out.
00:09LAUGHTER
00:30Good evening. Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:49I'm Katherine Ryan. In the news this week...
00:52As the party leaders rush to respond to Rachel Reeves' pre-budget speech,
00:56Ed Davey provides a typically nuanced response.
00:59LAUGHTER
01:02Following a raft of complaints, Deliveroo launches a new service
01:05to ensure its food stays hot.
01:08LAUGHTER
01:13And one audiobook artist puts the finishing touches
01:16on his reading of bedtime stories for insomniacs.
01:20LAUGHTER
01:23LAUGHTER
01:26On Ian's team tonight is a political journalist
01:29who left the BBC after complaining of a right-wing
01:32witch-hunt against him.
01:33Well, we're honoured to welcome back
01:35weaselly left-wing snowflake Lewis Goodall.
01:39APPLAUSE
01:41I think it was.
01:42APPLAUSE
01:44On Paul's team tonight is a comedian
01:46who recently appeared on the panel show
01:48Have I Got Sport For You,
01:50which is basically like Have I Got News For You,
01:52but about sport,
01:53and running for just 625 fewer episodes.
01:56Please welcome Nasey Adam.
01:57APPLAUSE
01:58We begin with the bigger news stories of the week.
01:59Ian and Lewis, here's yours.
02:00That's three more they've let out.
02:02LAUGHTER
02:03Yes, yes, it's a problem, isn't it, keeping them in.
02:04Oh, and there we go.
02:05There we go.
02:06Off they go.
02:07Bye-bye.
02:08That's Wandsworth.
02:09The government is fulfilling its promise and pledge
02:11to keep prison numbers as low as possible.
02:12Which they're doing by releasing people entirely at random.
02:14There are a number of complaints,
02:16because last week I said that human error was one thing,
02:17but if you're in the prison service you're meant to look after people
02:18and various...
02:19..you've said the most part of that.
02:20All right.
02:21That's three more they've let out.
02:22And, yes, it's a problem, isn't it, keeping them in.
02:23Oh, and there we go.
02:24Off they go.
02:25Oh, there we go.
02:26Bye-bye.
02:27That's Wandsworth.
02:28The government is fulfilling its promise
02:29and pledge to keep prison numbers as low as possible,
02:31which they're doing by releasing people entirely at random.
02:32Er...
02:33There were a number of complaints,
02:34human error was one thing but if you're in the prison service you're meant to
02:37look after people and various viewers said this is pathetic it's a one-off it
02:40won't happen again hello Lammy is justice minister and the deputy prime
02:47minister same person yeah the deputy prime minister blamed the justice
02:49minister and he blamed the deputy prime minister and only one has decided to go
02:57back in presumably because the Wi-Fi is actually better in prison apparently he
03:02went home to see his partner I'm not saying it was a conjugal visit but look
03:06at this shortly after heading into Wandsworth this morning Billy Smith came
03:10back out no doubt GB news will be as quick to pounce on this as they were with
03:20the last mistaken release here's Lee Anderson and chums discussing it on GB
03:24news last week but he's been deported been sent back to us once he came in Chloe
03:28and we've actually bombed him 500 quid for the pleasure is that acceptable
03:33absolutely not it's like the world's worst stag do I'm feel sorry for that poor bloke
03:44there who seems to be contemplating his last hours on earth what other release
03:50did labor fumble this week oh is this Rachel Reeves talking about the pre-budget
03:55speech the pre-budge yeah pre-budge kids are calling it the pre-budge pre-budge is it like
04:02the pre-lash yeah but in the old days nobody said anything there was purdah before the budget so
04:10you didn't have to worry about it and on budget day it was a surprise so there never
04:14used to be a pre-budge there was no pre-budge no pre-budge just went straight in with the budge
04:19yeah then you had the after budge which was a riot but what happens at the after budge stays at the
04:25after budge
04:27well no offence Ian and Lewis but I think we should hear from the country's top political
04:31commentator on Rachel Reeves speech so let's have a look at that what's the point of that
04:36what's the point of that what's the point of that really what what was the point of that like you said it was so it was long and she in the end won't answer any questions about what she's going to tell us at the end of November anyway it's just
04:40that was bonkers crazy what hang on Lorraine Kelly who has a whole show where she just chats about in the politest way possible nothing really she's going what was the point of that
04:47now flowing to a cat fashion show well we didn't get any actual policies revealed so what was the point of all that well she wants to say just perfect
04:54however I am on the notion of the end of November later at the end of November anyway it's just that was bonkers
04:57crazy
05:02well hang on Lorraine Kelly who has a whole show where she just chats about in the politest way possible nothing really she's going what was the point of that
05:08that now growing to a cat fashion show
05:11well we didn't get any actual policies revealed so what was the point of all that
05:15of all that? Well, she wanted to make very clear that all of the bad things that she's
05:21going to do are all as a result of things that have happened very recently. Yes. Like
05:26the Ukraine War, Brexit. Yes. I think the Korean War got in there a little bit. It's
05:33not her fault, as you said, and she was there to reassure the public, and this was her reassurance
05:38face. Oh. And The Sun provided a helpful list of things Rachel Reeves has blamed the economic
05:46situation on. Let's please have a rundown of the charts. So there's no change at one and
05:52two with Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng. New in at three, it's Rishi Sunak's black hole.
05:57Making up the top six, it's Donald Trump, supply chains, and the global markets. And there's
06:01a surprise new entry at seven for Vladimir Putin. No change at eight for Keir Starmer. New in
06:05at nine, it's Big Bad, Pab McFadden. Next, we have unreliable trains, slow broadband, George
06:10Osborne, David Cameron, COVID. And finally, staying at the top 15 for a record 78 weeks
06:15is Brexit. Yes.
06:20I don't want to usurp your role, but I mean, it's all true. It's just that after a while
06:26when you're in government, you have to accept some responsibility. What disaster is Rachel
06:30Reeves in danger of being compared to? Ooh. It's Liz Truss, isn't it? Hmm. I mean, it's
06:36either that or the Titanic. There are only two major disasters in history that you get compared
06:42to. I would love to see a Liz Truss film with a soundtrack by Celine Dion. Oh, my God.
06:47What with her and Kwasi Kwarteng on the bow. Head for that iceberg.
06:54Iceberg lettuce. Yeah. I know, I know, it's that kind of show.
07:02APPLAUSE
07:04On the subject of great ideas, what's Education Secretary Bridget Philipson got? She's got some
07:10ideas for changing the curriculum, including an idea about teaching children how to identify
07:15fake news and not be influenced and that strikes me as quite a good idea. How are they going
07:20to do it? Are they going to show two different videos and you've got to spot the... Yeah.
07:24There'll be a picture of Donald Trump in an aeroplane dumping manure on protesters. Yeah.
07:29And you'll be asked, is that real? Yes. And the answer is, yes.
07:33LAUGHTER
07:36That's right. Education Secretary Bridget Philipson's got ideas to shake up education.
07:41Here she is talking about it on Radio 4. Listen for the unusual branch of science that she mentions.
07:47The big change that we're bringing is, yes, a focus on the core academic standards that are
07:52incredibly important, reading, writing, maths and more on science.
07:56LAUGHTER
08:01I did that for O Level. That's quite an unusual exam because if he fell, that's a pass.
08:06LAUGHTER
08:07Ian, this is something you know all about. What is the good financial news this week?
08:12Oh, um, Alan Bates has... Sir Alan Bates has been given his compensation.
08:17Finally, and he's agreed it.
08:18Boom!
08:19APPLAUSE
08:20And with any luck, this will set the pattern for all the other people to be compensated.
08:26So, it's a win. And, um, I hope there's a sequel to the drama.
08:31Yeah.
08:32Which is set in the pub afterwards.
08:35LAUGHTER
08:36What's Cammy Baden-Ock celebrating?
08:38Um...
08:39Oh, one year. One year. Oh, yeah.
08:41She's celebrating that from now on, rebel backbenchers can put in letters of no confidence.
08:46Yeah.
08:47She's done a year, but as Sky News pointed out, a grace period stopping MPs from submitting letters of no competence.
08:52In her...
08:53Competent.
08:54LAUGHTER
08:55That's brilliant.
08:56A Freudian slip, Catherine.
08:58APPLAUSE
09:00What has Nigel Farage abandoned this week?
09:05Promises to cut tags.
09:06Yes.
09:07Is it?
09:08Don't be surprised.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:10It's in the news.
09:12LAUGHTER
09:13I've been watching Traders.
09:15LAUGHTER
09:16What is that?
09:17I wish the BBC would advertise.
09:18LAUGHTER
09:19I had no idea it was on.
09:20LAUGHTER
09:21I had no idea it was on.
09:22Is it Sir Anthony Blunt?
09:23LAUGHTER
09:24I mean, you've been preoccupied with doing something rather more positive recently.
09:29Yeah.
09:30She just had a baby.
09:31I did.
09:32I just...
09:33I just have them in the...
09:34No, it's fine.
09:35APPLAUSE
09:37How long ago?
09:38Uh, two and a half weeks.
09:40I know, it's irresponsible.
09:41I'm a bad mum now.
09:42You're proud of me.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:44Now you're upset.
09:45But she is here, in the corridor.
09:47LAUGHTER
09:52I know.
09:53I know.
09:54This is new, responsible Nigel.
09:56Mm-hm.
09:57And in order to prove that he's ready to be in government,
10:00he's just U-turned on everything he's ever promised,
10:02which means he's now fit to government.
10:04LAUGHTER
10:05Well, if I was Faraj, I'd have responded to Rachel Reeve's speech
10:08by getting Andrea Jenkins to come out singing.
10:10Oh, yeah!
10:11I'm an insomniac.
10:12I'm an insomniac.
10:13I'm an insomniac.
10:14I'm an insomniac.
10:15I'm an insomniac.
10:16Staring at the ceiling.
10:17Where you're up to the ground.
10:18Yes, I'm an insomniac.
10:20I'm an insomniac.
10:21I'm an insomniac.
10:22I'm an insomniac.
10:23I'm an insomniac.
10:24I'm an insomniac.
10:25I'm an insomniac.
10:26And all I have to can hear is the sound of that clock.
10:30The sound of that clock.
10:31I'm an insomniac.
10:34I'm an insomniac.
10:35I'm an insomniac.
10:36I'm an insomniac.
10:37I'm an insomniac.
10:38I'm an insomniac.
10:39Please tell me that's AI.
10:40Is that AI?
10:41Can that be in the test?
10:43No, it's not AI because there's no intelligence there.
10:46I can't believe that.
10:52Yes, this is the news of more failures in the government.
10:55Meanwhile, Kemi Baden-Ock marked her first year as Tory party leader this week by saying
11:00she had spent the last 12 months giving the country a serious alternative to labour.
11:05Yes, reform.
11:08Also this week, a French taxi driver was acquitted of stealing David Lammy's luggage.
11:12the row began after David Lammy didn't inform the driver he was an important
11:16political figure, mainly because he isn't.
11:19Paul and Maisie, here's yours.
11:23Lots of litter, man picking up litter, or dropping litter, we can't figure it out from that bit.
11:28There's people picking up litter, they are definitely picking up litter,
11:31they're good people picking up litter.
11:33They're too big, they can't be living underground a size like that, look at them.
11:37I found a fiver, I found a prisoner!
11:40There's been litter picking championships, right, Catherine?
11:44There's like a...
11:46And Britain has been a big time player in the litter picking champions.
11:50We've got a lot of trash. For a long, long time.
11:53And I think we've dropped the ball, I think, this year.
11:56We've been ousted. We've been ousted, yeah.
11:58You're right, Maisie, this is the heartbreaking news that Great Britain
12:01has lost its title of world litter picking champions.
12:05I didn't know we were. We kept very quiet about that, didn't we?
12:08Couldn't they have gone round handing leaflets to people telling them that?
12:11LAUGHTER
12:13Imagine if we got behind the litter picking championships the same way
12:17we did behind, say, football.
12:19Imagine if Box Park in Croydon and Wembley is full of people
12:23chucking beer at each other the moment somebody finally picks up a plastic cup.
12:27Yeah!
12:28It's whoever picks up the most wins.
12:30So, at the World Cup in 2023, Great Britain's winning team
12:33collected a lot of scrap metal.
12:35It sounds riveting as a spectator.
12:37Oh, yeah.
12:38The World Litter Picking Championship has only been running for a couple of years,
12:42but they have already received an offer to host next year's event
12:45from a desperate Birmingham council.
12:47LAUGHTER
12:49Who could be doing the tidying up for us very soon?
12:54Robots.
12:55Yes!
12:56There's a new $20,000 robot that you can buy in America next year,
12:59and it's meant to do household chores, but it's not very good at them.
13:02Yes, this is the first commercially available domestic AI robot.
13:06Yeah.
13:07Why would you bother with the eyes if not to bother with a mouth?
13:10LAUGHTER
13:11And he is too familiar with it.
13:14LAUGHTER
13:15Well, you see, it can't give evidence against him.
13:18LAUGHTER
13:20Apart from eye movements.
13:22LAUGHTER
13:25Yeah, let's see it in action.
13:27Yeah.
13:32LAUGHTER
13:34And that took five minutes.
13:50LAUGHTER
13:51I thought you did that quite well.
13:53As the years go by, that's how I loaded this watching.
13:56Comedians like to think that robots can never replace them
13:59because they just don't have a sense of humour,
14:01but you have to admit, this is pretty funny.
14:03So, if you can cook me the meal, I'm going to...
14:05I'm going to go out in here and play Fortnite, OK?
14:07Let's get me in.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10LAUGHTER
14:11LAUGHTER
14:12LAUGHTER
14:13LAUGHTER
14:14LAUGHTER
14:15LAUGHTER
14:16LAUGHTER
14:17LAUGHTER
14:18LAUGHTER
14:20Oh, I didn't see him after me.
14:21Daddy, chill.
14:22LAUGHTER
14:24LAUGHTER
14:25LAUGHTER
14:26Shut it off!
14:27Shut it up!
14:28Shut it up!
14:29Shut it up!
14:30And you'd still be a better Masterchef host than Greg Wallace.
14:32LAUGHTER
14:33LAUGHTER
14:34First robot housekeeper is now on the market.
14:36The robot housekeeper takes two minutes to fold a shirt,
14:39has four hours battery life,
14:40and cooking is currently beyond its capabilities.
14:43LAUGHTER
14:44Yeah, same.
14:45So...
14:46LAUGHTER
14:47I mean, why is the robot dressed as a French maid?
14:50Because men, Ian.
14:52LAUGHTER
14:53He's always going to end up dressed like a French maid.
14:55LAUGHTER
14:56While we're on the subject, do you know who has been praised
14:59for their sartorial elegance this week?
15:02That man sneezing.
15:04LAUGHTER
15:05David Beckham.
15:07Like David Beckham.
15:08Oh, yes.
15:09Very close.
15:10David Weckham.
15:11LAUGHTER
15:12It's Ian Hislop.
15:14Oh, yes.
15:15In an email sent to the...
15:17LAUGHTER
15:18What?
15:19In an email sent to the Have I Got News For You office,
15:21Carla Silsby writes,
15:23Ian Hislop definitely should receive an award
15:25for being best dressed man on TV.
15:27Sorry.
15:28He always looks smart in every episode I watch.
15:30I know it's nice to be casual,
15:32but a good suit, clean shirt and nice tie
15:34really sets a man up and makes the difference.
15:37LAUGHTER
15:38LAUGHTER
15:39APPLAUSE
15:41Ian!
15:42Hi!
15:43P.S.
15:44My husband leaves for work at half-hast eight in the morning.
15:46LAUGHTER
15:48I was going to say, my mother shouldn't write letters.
15:51LAUGHTER
15:52Well, who else has been complimented for their nice suit
15:55and tie this week?
15:56Is it Beckham?
15:57It's David Beckham.
15:58Yeah.
15:59His suit was very fancy, wasn't it?
16:00Yeah.
16:01Made by his wife.
16:02Oh!
16:03David Beckham knighted by the king who complimented him
16:06on his suit.
16:07Beckham said that Charles had inspired quite a few of my looks
16:10over the years.
16:11I don't remember Charles doing this one.
16:14LAUGHTER
16:17That was Andrew, to be fair.
16:19APPLAUSE
16:26He was meant not to get it, wasn't he?
16:28Because he'd been pitching for it and it was considered bad form
16:30to be desperate.
16:32That's exactly right.
16:33In 2013, when he did not get a knighthood,
16:35he emailed his PR saying,
16:37they're a bunch of cunts.
16:39I expected nothing less.
16:40Who decides on the honours?
16:42It's a disgrace, to be honest.
16:43And if I was American, I would have got something like this.
16:46Oh!
16:47It would have been nice and maybe, like, poetic
16:51if Charles had got his own back just by, yeah, knighting him
16:54and then going, arise, you cunt.
16:57You know?
16:58Isn't I?
17:01I don't know that we are allowed to broadcast the C-words,
17:03but you did reference Victoria Beckham earlier
17:05and we'll allow that.
17:07Oh!
17:08Ryan!
17:09Ryan!
17:10Ryan!
17:13I like her reel.
17:14I didn't expect that reaction.
17:15I do have to clarify,
17:16David Beckham denies some of what is in these alleged emails.
17:20He says it's the work of Russian hackers.
17:22Some of the email.
17:24So, like, when he says, would of got, not would have got.
17:28That's Russian.
17:29That's Russian.
17:31It's got a sort of Russian rhythm.
17:34Yeah.
17:35Would of got.
17:39Apart from AI humanoids, what else should we not be worrying about?
17:43Meteorites here on the Earth.
17:45Yes!
17:46Really?
17:47Yes!
17:48Oh, I just made that up.
17:49There's an object that's streaking through the solar system
17:51at 130,000 miles an hour that most scientists say is a comet,
17:55but Harvard astrophysics professor Avi Loeb says it might be
17:59an alien spacecraft sent to probe our solar system.
18:02Oh, blimey.
18:03Gosh.
18:04And it is called Atlas.
18:05Why does nearly every other astronomer think Atlas is a comet?
18:09It looks like a comet.
18:10It moves like a comet.
18:11It's a number plate.
18:12Comet.
18:15Paul, you've got it again.
18:16Astronomer Dr Mark Norris said in terms of why we think it's a comet,
18:19it's because it looks and behaves.
18:25Either I'm cleverer than I thought or the world's getting more stupid.
18:28How do you tell the difference between comets and asteroids?
18:31You can get ointment for asteroids.
18:33What?
18:34Oh, is this on?
18:37What's the difference between a comet and asteroids?
18:40Well, a comet's sort of on fire a little bit, isn't it?
18:42Oh, is it?
18:43And an asteroid is...
18:44Obviously, an asteroid is more round.
18:45Is it their orbit?
18:46Yeah, actually in a gravitational...
18:48Yeah.
18:49Actually attracted by and therefore orbiting something,
18:51and an asteroid is potentially just hurtling through space.
18:53Isn't that what it is?
18:54Yeah.
18:55Join us for another episode of Moron Science.
18:57LAUGHTER
18:59And so, to round two, the one-armed bandit of news.
19:04Fingers on buzzer's team.
19:06Mm.
19:13Oh, this is Zoran Mamdani.
19:15He's been elected mayor of New York City.
19:17Youngest ever mayor.
19:18And first ever Muslim mayor.
19:20Yes, absolutely.
19:21Yeah, that's exactly right.
19:22What was Mamdani's key to success?
19:24Young people come out and vote a Democrat
19:26for the first time in quite a while,
19:28so he's excited the electorate.
19:30And his big thing is taxing the super-rich, right?
19:33And offering free buses.
19:34I think everyone thought he was going to fight the culture wars,
19:37and he didn't.
19:38Well...
19:39He said this is about the cost of living,
19:40and, amazingly, if you do that, lots of people vote for you.
19:43Yeah, they were saying that, you know, Mamdani's so radical
19:45and he's got, you know, he's so charismatic
19:47and that, you know, Starmer should try and do a little bit of the same.
19:50He's kind of quite hard to imagine Starmer.
19:52To just do that?
19:53Well, he's sort of like a man who just believes
19:54in sort of incremental change, isn't he?
19:56It's like, what do we want incremental change?
19:57When do we want it when circumstances allow?
19:59You know, it's like...
20:01I thought that was AI for a minute, but...
20:03Maybe he is AI.
20:05Have you ever seen Keir Starmer load a dishwasher?
20:09Mamdani won more votes than the other candidates combined,
20:12so why were they so rubbish?
20:14Well, one had a little bit of a flaw in his candidacy.
20:17He'd already been governor of New York
20:19and he'd been involved in multiple sex scandals.
20:21Andrew Cuomo.
20:22He's had to change his name.
20:23He's now Prince Andrew Cuomo.
20:26Before the election, what did Trump say
20:28he would do if Mamdani won?
20:30He said he'd cut off funding to New York.
20:32Yes.
20:33And then he'd send the troops in.
20:35And then he'd rename it as New Trump.
20:39Yes.
20:40I've made some of that up.
20:43No.
20:44What did we also learn in the 60-minute interview
20:46that Trump always carries with him?
20:48A piece of paper with various achievements,
20:50like, I've stopped eight wars written on it.
20:51Let's have a look.
20:52What I brought...
20:53I mean, just a little list of...
20:55Look at this.
20:56Wars.
20:57President Trump wanted to make sure
20:59we saw the list of eight international conflicts
21:01he says he's been able to end since returning to office.
21:05I said, if you don't stop fighting,
21:07I'm putting tariffs on both of your countries
21:09and you're not going to be able to do business with the United States.
21:11So why isn't that...
21:12Why isn't that working with Putin?
21:13Uh...
21:20In other news, why is Donald Trump not happy with the BBC?
21:23Well, this is one for you, isn't it?
21:25Panorama.
21:26Panorama edited together a bit of Trump's speech
21:30that he made on January 6th before the Capitol Hill riots
21:33and people like Boris Johnson are arguing.
21:36Boris Johnson has complained the BBC is being dishonest,
21:38which is an interesting take for Boris Johnson.
21:40People who are advocates of Trump say
21:44is actually basically making it seem like he advocated violence that day.
21:48Here's what he actually said.
21:50We're going to walk down to the Capitol.
21:55And we're going to cheer on our brave senators
21:59and congressmen and women.
22:02And here's how Panorama edited it.
22:05We're going to walk down to the Capitol
22:08and I'll be there with you.
22:10And we fight.
22:11We fight like hell.
22:13And if you don't fight like hell,
22:15you're not going to have a country anymore.
22:17Oh, no, that's different.
22:18Yeah?
22:19Yeah, that's pretty different, innit?
22:22Yeah.
22:23I was ready to fight.
22:25It's allowed room for people to criticise them, hasn't it?
22:29So, in a sense, it's stupid and it's clumsy to have done that.
22:32I mean, I'm not a fan of Donald Trump,
22:34but I feel like if he was clearly inciting violence,
22:36then there's no need to edit a clip that makes him more clearly look
22:39to be...
22:40I think that's a very sensible view.
22:41APPLAUSE
22:43My guess is that that bit will be edited,
22:46so it will be me saying,
22:47fight, fight, fight, fight!
22:49LAUGHTER
22:51Fingers on buzzers, teams.
22:59Ian.
23:00There's a lion which was let loose
23:02and it went into a pub.
23:04And it ordered two pints of guineas.
23:08It's actually the news of a lion on the loose in Ireland.
23:13Oh, good.
23:14How did the lion escape?
23:15Uh, did it go to Wandsworth Prison?
23:19Not clear how, but a forest manager, John O'Reilly,
23:22was sent this footage by a colleague
23:24who caught the beast fleeing into the woodland.
23:29Oh, my God.
23:33The good news is that the animal has now been apprehended.
23:36It turns out the lion was just a Newfoundland dog
23:39called Mouse with a fresh haircut.
23:40LAUGHTER
23:41Oh.
23:42LAUGHTER
23:43No.
23:44You can see the similarity.
23:46Yeah.
23:47You used to have that haircut, didn't you, Maisie?
23:49Shut up!
23:53Still, it's not the most embarrassing mistake
23:55to come out of Ireland.
23:56Author Seamus O'Reilly was just five years old
23:58when he and his ten siblings...
24:00Ten siblings?
24:01..sadly lost their mum.
24:03Oof.
24:04LAUGHTER
24:09Aww.
24:12That's the reason why you should read the autobiography.
24:17Time now for the missing words round, and we start with...
24:20Marks and Spencer launched new product for men, dubbed what?
24:24Oh, it was underpants.
24:25Yeah.
24:26Marks and Spencer launched new product for men, dubbed
24:28the male equivalent of the push-up bra.
24:32Oh, what's it pushing up?
24:34Well...
24:37This is a new pair of support pants for men.
24:40They just push everything north?
24:42Towards Aberdeen.
24:44LAUGHTER
24:46They're said to give gentlemen more confidence in the office.
24:49Would that make someone more confident
24:51to be entering the boardroom, knob first?
24:53Yeah.
24:55Totally.
24:56Could it?
24:57Yeah, yeah.
24:58If you're carrying a tray of drinks, you can open the door,
24:59it doesn't matter.
25:01We can't judge our level of confidence until we see the product.
25:03No.
25:04Ian's going to model it.
25:06LAUGHTER
25:07And then that lady's going to write in about your lovely attire.
25:10LAUGHTER
25:15That's Alfred Hitchcock, isn't it?
25:19I think it's a before and after.
25:21Before and after what?
25:24I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm bitterly disappointed.
25:31Which one would you prefer, Maisie?
25:32Catherine, my mum watches this show.
25:35Which one would she prefer?
25:36LAUGHTER
25:37APPLAUSE
25:42Next.
25:43Queen Elizabeth II's what to go up for auction this week?
25:46Favourite son.
25:47LAUGHTER
25:52Queen Elizabeth II's wedding cake to go up for auction this week.
25:54Oh, blimey.
25:55Oh!
25:56A slice of wedding cake from Queen Elizabeth's wedding to Prince Philip
25:59is up for auction.
26:00The alcohol-laced fruitcake was apparently delighted that her daughter,
26:03Elizabeth, was getting married that day.
26:06LAUGHTER
26:07Next.
26:08Tourists can now pay £8,000 to take part in a historical recreation of what?
26:12I know this.
26:13This is Lawrence of Arabia.
26:14Yes, Ian!
26:15Yeah, because I booked it for my birthday.
26:18LAUGHTER
26:19You get to dress up, go on a camel,
26:22and free the Arab tribes from the yoke of the Ottoman Empire.
26:26LAUGHTER
26:28Say what you like about the Ottoman Empire.
26:30They made good sofas.
26:31They did make good sofas.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33Yes, Ian.
26:34Tourists can now pay £8,000 to take part in a historical recreation
26:38of Lawrence of Arabia's trek across the desert.
26:41The first group of Britons to take part travelled for eight hours a day.
26:45That was leg one of the journey from Norwich to Stansted on a replacement bus.
26:49LAUGHTER
26:51So...
26:52Finally, French cyclist who got stuck in a ravine for three days tells rescuers what?
26:57Oh, c'est la vie.
26:58LAUGHTER
26:59LAUGHTER
27:01It's very blasé.
27:02I did it on purpose.
27:04Yeah.
27:05I like ravines, ravines like me.
27:06It is who I am.
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08Why do you bother me? I am happy here.
27:10LAUGHTER
27:11You're on the right track.
27:12You're really testing our French...
27:13The only thing else we know how to say is that we have one brother
27:15and we like to go to the swimming pool at the week.
27:17LAUGHTER
27:18A French cyclist who got stuck in a ravine for three days tells rescuers
27:22he survived on red wine.
27:24Oh!
27:25LAUGHTER
27:26The Frenchman might have been able to eat fish from the nearby river
27:29but sadly he was unable to as he only had red wine.
27:32LAUGHTER
27:35Oh, well.
27:37The final scores are...
27:39Ian and Lewis have five, Paula and Maisie have three.
27:42Three.
27:43Oh, my.
27:44Oh, my.
27:46On which note, we say thank you to our panelists,
27:50Ian Hislop and Lewis Goodall, Paul Martin and Maisie Adam,
27:53and I leave you with news that in Italy, Roberto,
27:56the infamous hat thief of Rome, conducts his most daring lift yet.
28:00LAUGHTER
28:03On the Downing Street lawn, frustration grows
28:05as gardeners fail to deal with a persistent weed.
28:09LAUGHTER
28:12And news gets around that in an attempt to keep the money coming in,
28:15Sarah Ferguson is going to appear on a celebrity version of Naked Attraction.
28:20LAUGHTER
28:23We're gonna see the crown jewels.
28:25LAUGHTER
28:28Good night.
28:30APPLAUSE
28:31Your ticket to five defining gigs by a legend.
28:47The Bruce Springsteen story is on BBC Sounds, listen now.
28:51And the story of another music titan, in my own words, Tom Jones.
28:55Press red to watch now on iPlayer.
28:57Next on BBC One, how are you?
29:00It's Alan Partridge.
29:01The series finale coming up.
29:03APPLAUSE
29:05Ladies and Sesame.
29:12You are....
29:13If you're familiar with me, this is my favourite team.
29:14I would like to have a conversation with my wife.
29:15We will be by the doctor.
29:17Yes.
29:19If you've kept on bignes both together today,
29:20your semble friends,
29:21you're the only one to two others.
29:22You are looking for a special team.
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