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QI XL S23E01 - Wales, Whales and Wails

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00:00I'll be right back.
00:30Thank you
00:36To QI where tonight we're having a whales of a time with whales whales and whales. Let's meet the natives a zesty Welsh rabbit
00:44Kiri Pritchard MacLean
00:49Snappy Welsh dresser Ellis James
00:56Welsh dragon Griffiths Jones
01:00And a very Welsh name, but he's from Essex Alan Davis
01:12Wales songs Ellis goes
01:21Here he goes
01:23Gryff goes
01:29Gryff goes
01:30Gryff goes
01:37And Alan goes
01:38Right let's begin with an easy one. Pwysyn sharad kumraig. I mean it does sound like I've been drinking. Did I say that wrong, Ellison?
02:01No, you made a very good attempt, I thought. Like a stab. Can you say it for me? Pwysyn sharad kumraig. Pwysyn sharad kumraig.
02:07Yeah. So some of our panel will know that that means who speaks Welsh. According to the last census there are 538,300 Welsh speakers in the UK. That's just under 1% of the UK population. But it's about 1 in 6 living in Wales. Is it your first language, Ellison?
02:23First language. Language I would speak with my mum and dad and my sisters. And did you ever get told that you shouldn't be speaking it?
02:30No, no. That certainly happened to my parents' generation. But it was the language I was educated in at school. Right, I went on all the demos.
02:38Did you? Yeah. Try and meet girls.
02:41LAUGHTER
02:43Didn't really work.
02:45So I'd just end up having very earnest conversations about a sort of property act.
02:50LAUGHTER
02:52I'd be like, yeah, trying to look handsome and sort of knowledgeable at the same time.
02:56LAUGHTER
02:57Chris, do you speak any Welsh?
02:58Dwi'm dwi'n saying sharad kumraig. Er, a fodd, in honest, dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n dwi'n.
03:05I mean, maybe. What do you think?
03:07LAUGHTER
03:08That actually sounds like a thing. Mm.
03:10That means, I'm sorry I don't speak any Welsh. In fact, I've no idea what I'm saying.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:17And Kiri, let's get your credentials.
03:19Well, I'm a Welsh learner. OK.
03:21But I live in a very Welsh-speaking area of Wales, so I do speak it on a daily basis, but I wouldn't say to any great level.
03:28And I spend a lot of time nodding and smiling and agreeing to all kinds of things, I can tell you.
03:34I have no idea. Yes.
03:35Well, I do that in English. I wouldn't very...
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38Well, the language is on the rebound because in the early 19th century they tried to suppress it.
03:43Yes. My grandparents were, er, well, they were beaten in school for speaking Welsh.
03:49They encouraged the idea that Welsh was sort of an uncivilised language. Yeah.
03:53And it should be eradicated because it was holding the nation back.
03:56So people thought they were doing the best thing for their children by stopping them from speaking Welsh, which is really sad.
04:02Well, I mean, there were riots. They were known as the Rebecca Riots, which took place in the 19th century.
04:06And it's men, it's farmers, I think, dressed up.
04:08Yeah, dressed as women. That was a tollbooth thing.
04:11Yeah. The tollbooths were prohibitively expensive.
04:14So a lot of farmers thought, well, we'll just knock them down.
04:17They needed a disguise, so they dressed up in their wives' car thing.
04:22Name the women.
04:23To any Young Farmers event, you'll know it's any excuse for Welsh men to put a frock on.
04:27Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:28And the tollbooth was just a very handy excuse at the time.
04:31Like, this dress won't wear itself.
04:34See, I think it's a wonderful thing. I would certainly learn Welsh if I was in Wales.
04:38Do you feel a sort of a jealousy that Essex doesn't have its own kind of lingo?
04:43They've got plenty of lingo.
04:48Literally, obviously, literally, obviously is the bane.
04:51Yeah, literally, obviously.
04:52Yeah, obviously, obviously.
04:53You can't turn around to me, obviously.
04:55And, obviously, literally, you can't turn around and say that.
05:01It makes perfect sense.
05:02Two people could say that to each other for hours.
05:05Well, Alan, you must have had people coming up to you and saying,
05:08you're Welsh, aren't you, with a name like Alan Davis?
05:10Well, I always thought I was.
05:12And I was told that I was.
05:14And then I did one of these programmes where they look into your ancestry,
05:17and then nothing, it's all...
05:21The furthest away from me is Hertfordshire.
05:25Also, once you get back about 300 years,
05:28you can't look any further because naming is very different in Wales.
05:32Surnames, like my surname...
05:33Yeah.
05:34..were all added on by the English, really.
05:37So, you can't find people in the same way.
05:39I did that and I found out my great-grandfather was beaten to death
05:47in a drunken brawl in Llanetley.
05:51By someone in a dress.
05:53What could be more Welsh than...
05:55LAUGHTER
05:57I did AncestryDNA
05:59and the initial set of results was 98% Welsh.
06:03Yeah.
06:041% Swedish.
06:051% Portuguese.
06:06And I went...
06:07Oh!
06:09Then I got another email about a month later saying,
06:11sorry, we made a mistake, it's 100% Carmarthenshire.
06:15LAUGHTER
06:16And an awful lot from the same street.
06:18Yeah.
06:19So, if you're going to have children, for God's sake,
06:22meet an English girl, because...
06:25LAUGHTER
06:26So, there was a report in 1847,
06:27we're talking about the suppression of the language,
06:29that said,
06:30the Welsh language is a vast drawback to Wales
06:32and a manifold barrier to the moral progress
06:34and commercial prosperity of the people.
06:36Yes.
06:37It was three English academics who came over
06:39and was like, what's going on in Wales?
06:41And then they set all these tests to these school kids
06:44and it came back and they said,
06:45this is a very thick nation,
06:47it's clearly the language.
06:48Yeah.
06:49Holding them back.
06:50And they had tested children who don't use English in English.
06:52Wow.
06:53So, they used their lack of English
06:55as a reason to eradicate the language
06:57that they were using and thriving in.
06:59It's really, really sad.
07:00And also, they cast a sort of moral judgement,
07:02they came back and they were like,
07:04the kids are thick and all the women are sluts.
07:07Yeah.
07:08So, they were half right.
07:13I think we've established that Alan and I don't know anything.
07:16So, we are going to play a quick game of which Welsh word is which?
07:28So, we're going to have a list of words put up here
07:31and we're going to choose one.
07:33That's just a list of anagrams.
07:35It's wonderful, isn't it?
07:37Let's choose bottom right.
07:38Let's choose penglog.
07:39How do you say it?
07:40Penglog.
07:41Oh, correct.
07:42Yeah.
07:43Why, she's like a native.
07:45And let's go round.
07:46Kiri, what do you think it means, penglog?
07:48Well, a no.
07:49No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
07:50We're going to try and guess.
07:51Yeah, but I was going to make it seem like a no for all of them.
07:53Oh, I see.
07:54OK.
07:55This is like all my bluffs.
07:56I'm playing to win.
07:57OK.
07:59I've got some wet wipes.
08:01This will be the prize.
08:03I don't know why they give me wet wipes.
08:05I don't know what I might have done sitting here.
08:08It gives me wet wipes as well.
08:09Do you have them as well?
08:10Yeah.
08:11It's just since we've got a little bit older.
08:13Yes.
08:18Ellis, have you got wet wipes?
08:19No.
08:20Too young and relevant.
08:23Right.
08:24Go for it.
08:25Penglog.
08:26Penglog.
08:27Skull.
08:28Skull.
08:29Ellis?
08:30That feeling you get when you've had one pint too many.
08:34OK.
08:35And Griff?
08:36You bend.
08:37In a toilet.
08:38LAUGHTER
08:46Ruling out Ellis.
08:47Yeah.
08:48Because...
08:49On my 18th birthday I was penglog.
08:50Your opinion?
08:51You're ruling out Ellis because...
08:52Because it didn't...
08:53It doesn't feel like a thing you'd have a word for, but then I have been to Wales quite a while.
08:57LAUGHTER
08:58And by about six o'clock on a Saturday most people are penglog.
09:02LAUGHTER
09:03I'm going to go with Griff.
09:04OK.
09:05Just because the toilet goes glog sometimes.
09:07Fine.
09:08OK.
09:09Penglog.
09:10The toilet's a bit penglog.
09:11Yeah.
09:12OK.
09:13Is that right?
09:14It's onomatopoeic but wrong.
09:15Oh!
09:16So who is it?
09:17It's me.
09:18You were double bluffing!
09:19It means skull.
09:20It means skull, yes.
09:21OK.
09:22All right.
09:23Let's try another one.
09:24Let's try...
09:25Clostinoddy.
09:26Top of the middle.
09:27How do we say it?
09:28Clistnoddy.
09:29Clist?
09:30Clistnoddy.
09:31So close to rude.
09:32OK.
09:33Clistnoddy.
09:34Right.
09:35Griff.
09:36Hemorrhoids.
09:37LAUGHTER
09:39I'm going to go with that.
09:40Yes?
09:41When you come back from the shop and the one thing you went to buy, you've forgotten.
09:46LAUGHTER
09:47Baked beans.
09:51Hemorrhoids, baked beans, or the thing you forgot that you're meant to go.
09:55Ellie.
09:56OK.
09:57Do my adult in...
09:58Cala...
09:59Er...
10:00At the birth.
10:01No.
10:02No.
10:03No.
10:04No.
10:05No.
10:06OK.
10:07OK.
10:08OK.
10:09The producer speaks in my ear and says, none of you have given the correct definition.
10:12LAUGHTER
10:13We had a conversation and I said, you were meant to give the right answer and he went, well,
10:27it wasn't me.
10:28It wasn't me.
10:29OK.
10:30We didn't give...
10:31We didn't do this word.
10:32Who...
10:33Who...
10:34Is that what it means?
10:35I don't know.
10:36Does it mean conspiracy?
10:37Ha!
10:38Well, I'm ruling out hemorrhoid.
10:39Yes.
10:40Yes.
10:41You know, that's what the wet wipes are for.
10:42LAUGHTER
10:43Oh, it's a good rule out hemorrhoid.
10:44Who's got the right answer?
10:45Nobody's got the right answer.
10:46I mean, I know the right answer.
10:47Yeah, what is it?
10:48It means to ring fence or earmark.
10:49Oh, yours was much more interesting.
10:50Oh, yeah, yeah.
10:51That's very good.
10:52All right, let's try one more and see if anybody actually knows what it means.
10:54Let's try umfrostio, which is a kind of cereal.
10:56Mmm, frostio.
10:57How do you say it?
10:58Umfrostio.
10:59Umfrostio.
11:00Right, give.
11:01Umfrostio is to defrost.
11:03OK, to defrost.
11:04It means to boast.
11:05Or to show off.
11:06Griff?
11:07To go swimming in Pembrokeshire.
11:09LAUGHTER
11:10Alan, what do you reckon?
11:11Well, I like the sound of Griff's one.
11:13It's a first time.
11:14It's a very beautiful part of the world, Pembrokeshire.
11:37So I'm going to go with that one.
11:38Is that right? No, that's not right at all.
11:42Incorrect. Oh, it's the other one. Yeah, it means to show off or to boast.
11:46OK, I like that. I like them all.
11:48The one above looks fantastic.
11:50Cyfryfiannell. Cyfryfiannell.
11:53Cyfryfiannell. Yeah?
11:57What does that mean? Calculator.
11:59Oh, I love that.
12:01Here's one more question. Why is Welsh better than English?
12:05I think it's because our swear words are better.
12:07Oh, well, it's probably got one. Yes.
12:09Well, I really like sklini avelkysha ki.
12:12LAUGHTER
12:16You can't say that.
12:19You can't say that on the television.
12:22You actually can't. No.
12:26It's basically the motto of my career.
12:29So sklini avelkysha ki is to sparkle like a dog's bollocks.
12:34LAUGHTER
12:35APPLAUSE
12:36Now, there's a word which I'm sure I'm going to say wrong, which is...
12:37Cooch. Cooch.
12:38Oh, how are you spelling it?
12:39Ah.
12:40Yes, so this is an English spelling.
12:41Is that right of a Welsh word?
12:42That's an English spelling of a Welsh word.
12:43And it's a very interesting sort of multi-purpose word, because it means to cuddle, a kutch.
12:47You could kutch up, which means you would sit next to someone.
12:49But I would spell it with an S, because following the Welsh pronunciation guidelines, that would be kutch.
12:55Right.
12:56To spell it in the top way.
12:57Cooch.
12:58Cooch.
12:59Cooch.
13:00But an awful lot of Welsh tat has got the top one on it.
13:01Yeah.
13:02If you buy stuff in a tourist shop, you'll probably have kutch with a CH.
13:05To me, that looks wrong.
13:06It's complicated because my name is spelled Griffith with an I, but the proper Welsh way is to spell it with a U.
13:13Yeah.
13:14So people talk about Gruff Rees, my namesake, who is of the super furry animals.
13:17And, er...
13:19Gruff is not Gruff at all, is Gruff.
13:20No.
13:21But that's because a U is always pronounced with a double I.
13:23As a Welsh learner, I've really enjoyed getting to grips with the different letters.
13:24So the double L, the sh, that noise that people sort of make fun of.
13:26But it's beautiful as a W.
13:27But the proper Welsh way is to spell the L, that is to spell it with an I.
13:28To me, that looks wrong.
13:29It's complicated because my name is spelt Griffith with an I.
13:33But the proper Welsh way is to spell it with a U.
13:34So people talk about Gruff Rees, my namesake, who is of the super furry animals.
13:35And, er, Gruff is not Gruff at all.
13:36It's Gruff.
13:37No.
13:38But that's because a U is always pronounced with like a double I.
13:40As a Welsh learner I've really enjoyed sort of getting to grips with the different letters
13:44So the double L that's that noise that people sort of make fun of but it's and it's beautiful
13:49It sounds great in words. There's a place in me called and it sounds beautiful and
13:54An ex-boyfriend of mine his mum was so excited to find out that I came from North Wales and she went
13:59Oh, we have the best holidays of our life in North Wales. We had two weeks in dollar galoo
14:10It sounds lovely
14:16Now from the language of Wales to the language of whales could anybody please give me your impression of a sperm whale
14:23Communicating with a killer whale. You can do what you want me. You're a killer whale
14:32My head's too big for you
14:35That's too big you'll break your jaw try it
14:37Why is my eye so far back from the front. My eye has ended up really in my tummy
14:47Anyway, apparently I have on good authority the sound that sperm whales make is more like
14:54Yeah, sorry
14:57Anybody know the other name for killer whales orca orcas absolutely right
15:01So they tend to eat smaller fish basically but very rare occasions they will attack the sperm whale
15:06Even though it is, you know twice the size and they live in quite large groups
15:09How do you think that the sperm whales protect themselves from the killer whales?
15:14ejaculate
15:24A powerful jet of ejaculate
15:26The thing is you're so close to the right answer
15:28Oh
15:30I'm always close
15:37Yeah, I mean it's not just because it's a sperm whale it does ejaculate other things it does throw out other things what might it be?
15:41Oh do they wee on it?
15:42Oil
15:43Not oil, not wee, what's the other thing?
15:44Er, they might
15:45Poo
15:46Poo
15:46Poo
15:47Poo
15:47It is called
15:48Shit on them
15:48They do
15:52It's called defensive defecation so
15:55I've been asked to do that for years that's why I've got the wet one
15:58What they do is they form into a huddle with their heads facing into the center
16:10And they put all the youngest and most vulnerable members of the group into the center
16:15Then as the orcas attack they release massive amounts of diarrhea
16:20Is this really a thing they do or are they just crapping them?
16:24Yeah
16:26What if they've just been?
16:29And they're like oh god why didn't you attack me five minutes ago?
16:33I'm ready to go
16:34The mums in the middle going just have a try for me please
16:38And they've seen this in Western Australia researchers not only do they spread diarrhea out
16:43They then flap their tails like this and the orcas just the orcas just bugger off
16:48You would
16:48Yeah, absolutely
16:49I'm not eating that
16:50I mean you eat a lot of calamari
16:55The smell can be incredible so
16:59I just think that possibly it's probably the most lethal sort of poo that there's ever been
17:05So it's known as flocculent which means it's woolly but it just means it's got little tiny pieces in it
17:10So it's bits that have not been digested well
17:12But Kiri you get a point of talking about the mums weirdly saying come on you can do this
17:16Oh I thought you were going to say because you've done it
17:17No
17:22Both the sperm whales and the orcas have a matrilineal system
17:25So it's basically it's an older female or a matriarch and she is the respected leader of all the pod
17:30She's the mama the mama is in charge
17:32Yeah
17:33I'm a bit of pooper
17:37You shit and you shit
17:44I have to hand respect to orcas because I've just been reading that they go off and they like to attack
17:50Great white sharks yes, they do and eat the livers. Yeah, they leave the rest. Yeah, just love pate
17:56But what they do is they flip them over
18:01So the rate white shark has got protection all over it and what they do is they flip it over
18:04And there's a soft belly which hasn't got any protection and they go straight in and get the liver
18:08I mean, how do they know that is the most astonishing thing isn't it they've been talking to the sperm whales
18:12I guess
18:14What do you want to do
18:17Absolutely delicious it's delicious. I'll eat it myself. I don't know where my mouth is because my eyes
18:24Have I even got a mouth? I don't know
18:27I'm more of a shitter actually
18:34So we're talking about different kinds of food who communicates by wobbling their melons
18:39Which one do you think it might be? Oh, is it is it the beluga it is the beluga and I like that you just did that because
18:41Yes
18:43They look like they need melons
18:45They look like they need melons
18:47They look like they need melons
18:49They look like they need melons
18:51Certain actresses in films starring benny hill in the 1960s
18:53Barbara wins
18:55We're back to the welsh young farmers again
18:57So we're still with whales
18:59So here's all the different kinds that there are
19:01And one of them communicates by wobbling their melons
19:03Which one do you think it might be?
19:05Oh, is it is it the beluga
19:07Yes
19:09They look like they need coloring in
19:13So they live in the Arctic similar kind of length and weight as a Volkswagen Beetle
19:17Okay, that's a kind of how big they are
19:19And so they have these big bumps on the front of their heads
19:21They're made of a waxy fat
19:23And they can change the shape of it at will
19:27And that is how they communicate
19:29They order them 30 times more often when they're socializing
19:31Than when they're alone
19:33The latest research shows
19:35Let's have a quick look because it is sort of astonishing
19:37Whoa
19:39Oh, that's what my kids are like when they have ice cream
19:45Brain freeze brain freeze
19:47So it seems to be associated with courtship
19:49But obviously there is a whole language there that we haven't decoded
19:53It's painful
19:55I can't
19:57Say yes or no
19:59Are you into me or not?
20:01Right
20:03Moving on
20:05What's the best way to upset a Japanese whaler?
20:09Well, I'd have thought it's impossible to isn't it?
20:11Upset a Japanese whaler?
20:13Yeah, because imagine you're a Japanese whaler
20:15And the people say, what do you do?
20:17And you go
20:19No whales
20:20Okay
20:21Make something of it
20:22They must be as hard as nails
20:23Right, so that's one kind of whaler
20:25What other kind of whaler?
20:27Oh, that's in Bob Marley and the whalers
20:29Okay
20:30Japanese Bob Marley tribute band
20:35Do we have footage? I hope we do
20:39Who else whales?
20:41Oh, mourners
20:42No, babies
20:44So in Japan, whaling babies are regarded as really healthy
20:48Now, is there anybody who speaks Japanese in the audience while we're doing this?
20:52Yes, I'm Japanese
20:54Am I going to say something in Japanese?
20:55Can you see if you can understand me?
20:57Naku ko wa sudatsu
20:59Crying baby is glory
21:02Oh, I got it right
21:03Crying babies grow, yes
21:07Crying babies grow
21:10So, crying babies grow because the screams of a baby is supposed to ward off evil spirits
21:15And since the high-end period, sort of 8th to the 12th century
21:18They have had crying competitions
21:20Which are called konakizumo
21:22Two babies are held in front of each other until one of them cries
21:27Right, and the last 30 years or so, these events have taken place at a Shinto shrine
21:32And what happens is fully kitted out sumo wrestlers each hold a baby and the shout
21:38Naki naki naki or cry
21:41The first baby to cry is the winner
21:43And if they don't cry, then other people put on scary masks and make them
21:49Biggest of these festivals is at the Asakusa Temple in Tokyo
21:54There's no prize and yet people enter a sort of ballot to be the ones to put their babies in for this
22:01The prize is a huge amount of therapy as an adult, I think
22:05Where do you think babies cry?
22:07Which nationality of babies cry the most in the world?
22:11We had a skiing instructor years ago
22:13Yep
22:14Who went through one, quite an interesting long chairlift rider
22:17And she taught all the nationalities you can think of
22:21She said the Russians, they just get up and get on with it even if they're bleeding
22:26The English try terribly hard, hopeless but keep going
22:31And then she said the French and the Italians
22:34If they fall over they just cry for their mama
22:38I mean this is just research by one university
22:44They studied eight and a half thousand newborns
22:46They found Canadian babies cry the most
22:49Right
22:50I think they're worried they might become American
22:59The babies cry the least in the world
23:02Is it like the Irish? I feel like they're quite stoic
23:05The Aussies are quite laid back
23:07It's the Danes
23:09I know
23:10Oh, all that repression
23:11Well, the speculation was that they cry the least
23:16Maybe it's due to parenting differences
23:18They certainly found that Danish babies get held more
23:21Hands over the mouth
23:23She never cries
23:27I said he doesn't want to cuddle
23:29Does he not?
23:30He's six and I cuddled him the other day
23:32And he went, don't
23:34I said, why not?
23:36And he went, I've told you, how many times?
23:39Do you speak Welsh to him?
23:44I do, yeah
23:46But he's in either language, he doesn't want to be held
23:50The cat went into his bedroom the other day
23:53After he'd gone to sleep, I thought
23:55And I just heard him saying, how dare you?
23:57What is the cat done?
23:59Am I the only grandparent here?
24:00No, darling, I have four
24:02I have four grandchildren, including a brand new one
24:04They're great
24:05They're great
24:09But you're also in a position as a grandparent to go, oh, okay, your turn
24:12As a parent, you can't do
24:14Well, I'm a foster carer and that's exactly what you can do
24:16I'm a respite foster carer, so we have, yeah, thanks very much, thank you, yeah
24:31Good to see you
24:32I really love it and applaud anyone watching, we're desperate for foster carers and your local authority, please do consider it, it is the most amazing, profound, life-changing way to get 40% off your council tax
24:47Yeah
24:49Yes
24:50But we do respite, which is amazing, so we have young people come to us for short breaks and stays and then they'll go back to, you know, the birth family or their other foster carers
24:57And it's great, because for two days everyone can be a really great, engaged parent
25:02Could you have Alan for a couple of days?
25:04What is this Welsh woman selling?
25:20Yes, Ellis
25:21Soap
25:22Is absolutely right
25:23Yes
25:24This is the picture that hangs in every Welsh home at one stage or another
25:34Yeah, yeah, yeah
25:35And if you look at it, there's the devil in the arm
25:38Yeah, that is exactly right
25:39Let's start with the soap
25:40Yes
25:41Soap
25:42Every single relative of mine has this framed in the house and I thought, as Welsh people, we just loved it
25:48As a nation, we looked at that painting and were like, yeah, that's art, that's where art begins and ends, actually
25:54But it was given away with soap powder, I think
25:56Yeah, sunlight soap powder, so the painting was actually purchased by Lord Leverhulme and they own sunlight soap
26:02And it became often the only piece of art in a Welsh home
26:06Is that why all my family has it? I didn't realise
26:09Yes, yes
26:10God, this is a revelation, isn't it?
26:11Yeah, yeah
26:12And my uncle was amongst the dirtiest people I've ever
26:17It's a painting from 1908, it's called Salem and it is by Sidney Vosper
26:20It depicts the Salem Baptist Chapel
26:22Oh, in North Wales, yeah
26:23It's in Gwynedd
26:24For years, I was told the reason you could see the devil in her shawl
26:28Was that she was late for chapel
26:30Yes
26:31Then someone pointed out to me that if you look at the clock, she's actually about five minutes early
26:34How many faces can you see in this picture?
26:38Oh, well, there's one, two, three, four, five, seven, eight, eight, eight
26:43Oh, there's someone in the window
26:45That's it, let's have a quick look
26:46So, if I just come over and show you, if you have a look
26:48You want a piggyback?
26:49Manu, have we got a ladder, darling? Can I have a ladder to get? Can I have a ladder?
27:01Seriously?
27:02Oh, this is rather good, isn't it?
27:03Oh, that is good
27:04Oh, that is good
27:05Low pressure, high pressure
27:06There's supposed to be a face there, but also, what were you saying, Griff? You were saying about in the shawl
27:20Yes, apparently, there's a face
27:21So, theoretically, this is the beard here, and this is the eye, and this is the horn of the devil
27:27But I don't know
27:28The painter said he was, but he denied it and said there was no such thing
27:31Was that a thing in your family? Did you say that there was a devil?
27:33Oh, yeah, yeah
27:34Oh, yes, oh
27:35I was also told that if you could see the devil, that meant you were cursed
27:38But that's what happens when you have two big brothers
27:42In some past years, they obviously had red shawls
27:44Because the famous story of the last invasion of Britain
27:47Yes
27:48Fishguard
27:491797
27:50That's right
27:51The French army all camped out on one hill
27:53And the women of Fishguard, they stood on the hill in Llanunda
27:59And they looked over at the French
28:01And the French thought that the British grenadiers had arrived
28:06Because they all had red shawls and tall hats
28:10And if you see the two things together, if you see the guards that they were expecting
28:13And the women with their tall hats on, then you think, yeah, no, fair enough
28:17You know, knowing Welsh women as well as I do, if I saw a load of them standing on a hill
28:20I'd be like, I'm going home
28:21Yeah, yeah
28:22But a Welsh hen do can take a French army
28:26Yeah
28:27The idea was that because it was after the French Revolution that the Welsh would rise up
28:33Yeah
28:34Against the English
28:35And all they had to do was arrive with a boatload of soldiers
28:38And the Welsh would go, yes, we hate the English
28:40Yes
28:41Where is you?
28:42Let's throw off the oppressors
28:43But the Welsh hated the French more
28:45LAUGHTER
28:48Their food has too much flavour
28:51LAUGHTER
28:52Does anybody know how Welsh costume came to look like that?
28:56Wasn't it Lady Llanova?
28:58Yeah, so it's not a genuinely old thing
29:00Yeah
29:01It's 19th century
29:02Augusta Waddington
29:03She married Lord...
29:04Llanova
29:05Llanova
29:06She became Baroness Llanova
29:07And she came up with this idea of the tall black beaver hat and so on
29:11And the red shawl is to show off the Welsh wool
29:13She made her staff wear it
29:15Yes, yeah
29:16She made one for the men as well
29:17But her husband wouldn't wear it
29:18So it didn't really take off
29:20Well on St David's Day when you grow up in Wales
29:22Everyone goes to...
29:23The girls will put one of these hats on
29:25But there's...
29:26Because there is no dress for the boys
29:29They just sort of make them look poor
29:31Yeah
29:32Well it's either that or like a sort of regional rugby shirt
29:36It's called the Ospreys
29:38LAUGHTER
29:39Let's go back to the Salem picture for one minute
29:41We were talking about the hats
29:42How many hats are depicted in the painting?
29:45One, two, three, four hats there
29:48BUZZER
29:53No, by the time this painting was done, so 1908
29:56Welsh hats had gone out of favour
29:58They were only able to find one
29:59So everybody wore the same hat
30:01I did a Welsh history module for my degree
30:04And I remember reading that I were peasantry
30:07In terms of fashion
30:08We were 150 years behind the English
30:11LAUGHTER
30:13I mean, I know the feeling
30:15Yeah
30:16200 years ago the French were defeated by a Welsh hat trick
30:20What's the...
30:22No, no, you can't groan after a beat
30:25It's not a set of ladling
30:27LAUGHTER
30:28You've grown in quick as we're moving on
30:30LAUGHTER
30:31We're moving on
30:32LAUGHTER
30:33What's the last...
30:34LAUGHTER
30:35What's the last thing male whales need when they're having sex?
30:39Foreplay
30:40Yeah
30:41Because if it's extended...
30:43They're underwater and they're running out of breath, aren't they?
30:45You don't want a very long...
30:47LAUGHTER
30:48Or do you go it up, get a breather and come down and start all over again?
30:51Here's what I want you to think of
30:52These creatures are the size of a fully loaded 18-wheeler truck, OK?
30:59And no-one had ever seen them having sex
31:03So two humpback whales, first time anybody had ever seen them having sex was in 2024
31:072024?
31:09Yes, off the island of Maui in Hawaii
31:11Because they mate in very, very deep water
31:13This is the only time it has ever been seen
31:16That two humpback whales are having sex
31:18And they're both boys
31:20LAUGHTER
31:22So the answer is
31:24What does a male whale not need to have sex?
31:26A female is the...
31:28LAUGHTER
31:29Is the answer
31:31APPLAUSE
31:33Well, I just like the idea that the gay ones are just a bit more exhibitionist
31:36They're like, shall we go upstairs?
31:37LAUGHTER
31:38It's so interesting that you say the gay ones
31:40Because that is not how scientists think, right?
31:42So same-sex behaviour
31:44It's known in at least 261 species
31:47So it's in walruses and seals and dolphins
31:49And all of the scientific speculation is
31:51Oh, they're playing, they made a mistake
31:53LAUGHTER
31:54He just fell!
31:55He just fell!
31:57Reducing tension
31:59LAUGHTER
32:01What's a sperm whale?
32:02Tripped over
32:03To make that happen
32:04LAUGHTER
32:05Anyway, so the documenting of same-sex behaviour has often been coloured by the moral code of the particular researcher
32:12My favourite is a 1987 study of homosexual mating in monarch butterflies in the Atlas Mountains of Morocco
32:19Which was published as
32:21A note on the apparent lowering of moral standards in Lepidopatra
32:25LAUGHTER
32:27Male fruit flies have sex with each other in a conga line
32:31I'm just saying
32:32LAUGHTER
32:33And that is a Welsh stag do, actually
32:36Yeah
32:37LAUGHTER
32:38Never gonna go
32:39LAUGHTER
32:40LAUGHTER
32:41In other breaking humpback news, they have recently been found to be using tools
32:46So I define a tool for you
32:48Using an external object that isn't attached to anything to change the shape, position or condition of something else
32:55What tool might humpbacks use?
32:57Would it be a humpback scratcher?
33:00How big would that need to be?
33:02LAUGHTER
33:03Fones
33:04Fones?
33:05They're all on Tinder
33:06They're all on Tinder
33:07I wonder if it's something that they put on their head as, like, a weapon, you know, or to break ice
33:11Get out of a net
33:12So something to do with a net, is there a way in which they might create a net of their own?
33:17OK, it's really clever, it's bubbles
33:20Oh
33:21So what they do is they dive down below the prey and they swim in circles and they release bubbles from their blowhole
33:27Have a look at this
33:28Oh, what?
33:29This is incredible
33:30It creates a rising curtain in which the prey, so we're talking about krill and small fish
33:35They can't or they won't swim through it
33:37And then they swim up through the middle and catch
33:40I mean, it's unbelievably clever
33:42And they can shrink the mesh size, if you like, in order to make it harder for the prey to escape
33:47I like that we've gone back to the porn picture
33:49Well, I think, surely, if you're going to hide anything behind a net, make it whatever's going on over here
33:54I know, yeah
33:55Other tool users, of course, some of my favourites, the chimps, they use sticks to dig up termites
33:59Sea otters, they use stones to crack open clams
34:02I love this one
34:03Dolphins put a sponge on their nose when they're foraging on the seabed
34:09Going like that, so they don't hurt their nose
34:11Oh!
34:12Right?
34:13Who suddenly didn't want to be with a dolphin at that moment?
34:16Lovely
34:17Humpback food comes bubble wrapped
34:20From bubbles to baubles
34:29Have a look at these crowns
34:31The one on the left is Queen Mary's crown
34:34And the diamond in the front there is the Koh-i-Noor
34:37The fabled treasure of the Mughal emperors
34:40The one on the right is the Imperial State crown
34:42So the red star on the front is known as the Black Prince's ruby
34:45And like the Koh-i-Noor diamond, it comes originally from Afghanistan
34:48It was actually worn by Henry V at the Battle of Agincourt
34:51But have a look now at the golden orb atop the coronet of the Prince of Wales
34:58Where do you think that came from?
35:01Was that designed by Lord Snowden
35:04Who had a lot to do with the Prince of Wales and that investiture
35:07Didn't he design everything to do with it?
35:09Well, so it didn't happen until 1969 this particular one was designed
35:13So it is perfectly possible that he had to do it
35:15Because the original one was purloined by Edward VIII
35:17When he abdicated and took it away
35:19So they had to have a brand new coronet
35:22And they couldn't get it to work
35:24Because they kept trying to make this beautiful golden orb at the top
35:28So what did they do in the end, do you think?
35:30Did they just spray paint the ball that's inside a toilet cistern?
35:35I mean, you're not far off
35:37Is it Elizabeth Duke?
35:40It's a ping-pong ball
35:44Is it?
35:46Yes, it's a ping-pong ball
35:48They kept trying to make one and it kept falling apart
35:51And then somebody thought, wait a minute
35:52A ping-pong ball is the perfect size
35:54So they electro-plated a ping-pong ball
35:57Quite so art attack, isn't it?
35:59Like Neil Buchanan
36:01Only the best for Wales
36:04They've conquered whole kingdoms
36:10To get hold of diamonds and rubies
36:13But when it comes to Wales
36:15A ping-pong ball
36:16Anybody know the Welsh for ping-pong?
36:18No, go on
36:19Want me to help you?
36:20Yeah, go on
36:21It's ping-pong
36:22Right, time for general ignorance
36:25Staying with our Wales theme for a moment
36:27Older viewers may remember John Redwood
36:30MP
36:31Oh
36:32When he was the Welsh secretary
36:34Miming to the Welsh national anthem
36:38Unfortunately, we were not allowed to show the video of it
36:42It's been used so many times
36:45Take the piss out of John Redwood
36:47That it now breaks BBC impartiality guidelines
36:50I get cold chills when I see it
36:53Because when I went to high school
36:54We had to learn the Welsh national anthem
36:56And I just didn't speak any Welsh
36:58And I was really struggling with it
36:59And I
37:00My punishment was I had to go back in on my own
37:03And sing it one-on-one to me
37:05Oh my god
37:06I know, it was horrific
37:08But she's dead now, so
37:09Do you...
37:12Can you sing the Welsh national anthem?
37:14My hand vladen had I an unwilly me
37:18Oh, that's fantastic
37:20No, that's as much as I know
37:22APPLAUSE
37:24So, looking at this picture and springing off it
37:29What I really want to know is
37:30Which state has the most redwoods?
37:33Ooh
37:34Darling
37:36It's got to be California, isn't it?
37:42Oregon
37:44Er, no
37:46Oh
37:48Is it even in North America?
37:50No
37:51No
37:52Sussex
37:53You get the point
37:56APPLAUSE
37:58So, not just Sussex, it's in the UK
38:04Which is a national state
38:06The UK has many, many more redwoods than, for example, California
38:09The UK Forestry Commission estimate that there are half a million redwoods in Britain
38:14And there's about 80,000 in California
38:16So, they were introduced in the 1850s by the Victorians
38:20And the Victorians brought thousands of seeds and saplings from the United States
38:24So, the ones in the US have had longer to grow, which means that they are taller
38:29So, some of them reach up to nearly 300 feet in the United States
38:33The tallest one in the UK is in centre parks in Longleat Forest in Wiltshire
38:38It's 170 years old and it's about 177 feet
38:41But they can live for up to 2,000 years and I fear we will get there
38:45We will get there
38:46In plenty of time to catch up
38:48But if you think about that, there are redwoods in California that have existed for 2,000 years
38:53So, they were growing at the time of Socrates and Alexander the Great
38:57The tallest one is the Hyperion, which is the one in the United States
39:00It's taller than St Paul's Cathedral
39:02While we are talking nature, what turns sunlight into food most efficiently?
39:08Photosynthesis
39:09Oh, very good, yes
39:11APPLAUSE
39:14I feel like I've finished the game and I can leave
39:31You've completed QI, well done
39:34So, photosynthesis, but where is this taking place, this photosynthesis?
39:38In a plant
39:39One step forward, two steps back
39:47So, we need to be down underneath the water
39:50So, giant clams and algae have one of the most gorgeous relationships that you could possibly imagine
39:58So, this is the mouth of a giant clam
40:00And they're quite complicated inside
40:02They have a proper kidney and a heart and reproductive system and anuses and all of the stuff
40:06Plural
40:07Plural
40:08The clam absorbs nitrogen, which the algae needs
40:13And it then gets the sugar and all the by-products from photosynthesis
40:17And the clam spreads the goodness of this via their poo
40:21They work together, it is absolutely vital for the reef ecosystem
40:25And what I love is that the clam not only kind of looks after the algae
40:30It moves it around so that it gets the best light at all times
40:34Yeah
40:35No, it's lovely, isn't it?
40:36It's like any conservatory on the side of your house
40:37That just goes
40:38LAUGHTER
40:39And what do they do on Valentine's Day?
40:42I mean, that's private, I think
40:45But their efficiency is phenomenal
40:47So, how well they convert light to energy is 67%
40:50And even tropical leaves only manage 14%
40:53People who think they know all about photosynthesis should learn to clam up
40:58LAUGHTER
41:01And finally, can you name any Prime Minister who was born in Wales?
41:07Lloyd George
41:08No
41:09So, he was the only one to speak Welsh as the first language
41:16Only one of any political party who was Welsh
41:18But he was born in Manchester
41:20So, not him
41:21Can I say he was a rather good guy, Lloyd George
41:23Just while we're looking at a picture of him
41:25He is the thought pretty much to have been the person who is responsible for winning World War One
41:30But he introduced state pensions for the first time
41:32He did lots of very, very good things
41:34His Education Act, which was excellent, raised the school leaving age to 14
41:37Which was thought radical at the time
41:39What I like about him is that he went on a trip to Canada in 1899
41:43And he shaved off his moustache
41:45And when he got back to the House of Commons, they wouldn't let him in
41:47LAUGHTER
41:48So, we're still looking for any Prime Minister born in Wales
41:53Oh
41:54And one
41:55Callaghan
41:56Callaghan
41:57Callaghan is not the right answer
41:59As it happens, it is a friend of mine
42:02And I texted and I said, would you send us a message?
42:05And here it is
42:06Hi, my name's Julia Gillard
42:08I was the 27th Prime Minister of Australia
42:10And yes, I was born in Barrie, Wales
42:13Alan, I really hope you got that right
42:16She's a very good woman and it was very kind of her to do it
42:28I did appreciate it
42:29Julia Gillard was born in Old South Wales
42:32Which brings us to the scores
42:35In first place, our Princess of Wales, Wales and Wales
42:38Tonight with three whole points is Kiri
42:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:46In second place, slightly blue on the wail front
42:49With minus one, it's Ellis
42:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:54In third place, wailing and weeping
42:56With minus nine, it's Griff
42:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:01And in last place, wail, wail, wail
43:04It's Moby Dickhead
43:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:10With minus 48, it's Alan
43:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:21Well, that's all from Ellis, Griff, Kiri and Alan
43:27And I leave you with these wise words from award-winning writer Dave Barry
43:32If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain Wales?
43:36Goodnight
43:37APPLAUSE
43:39And we're going to be with you
43:42We're going to be with you
43:43We're going to be with you
43:44We're going to be with you
43:45We're going to be with you
43:46We're going to be with you
43:47We're going to be with you
43:48We're going to be with you
43:49We're going to be with you
43:50We're going to be with you
43:51We're going to be with you
43:52We're going to be with you
43:53We're going to be with you
43:54We're going to be with you
43:55We're going to be with you
43:56We're going to be with you
43:57We're going to be with you
43:58We're going to be with you
43:59We're going to be with you
44:00We're going to be with you
44:01We're going to be with you
44:02We're going to be with you
44:03We're going to be with you
44:04We're going to be with you
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