- 2 months ago
In Episode 4 the presenters celebrate the glory of fast Fords, reviewing the RS Capri, Sierra Cosworth and Escort Cosworth, with Olympic sprinter Usain Bolt as guest. A nostalgic dive into British performance cars and pure speed.
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Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, the fastest man in the world on our track.
00:00:16They don't call it waterlighting for nothing.
00:00:18The slowest man in the world falls asleep.
00:00:21And we literally set fire to Dorset with a machine gun.
00:00:30Thank you, everybody. Thank you.
00:00:34Thanks very much.
00:00:36Hello. Hello and welcome.
00:00:40Now, fast forwards.
00:00:42What they do is demonstrate that you don't need a plum in your mouth
00:00:46and a double-barrelled surname to get on in life.
00:00:48The RS Capri is Harold Wilson.
00:00:52The Sierra Cosworth is Bruce Springsteen.
00:00:55And then, of course, there is the Escort Cosworth.
00:00:58Proof that God wears a donkey jacket.
00:01:02I'll love a fast forward, and now there's a new one.
00:01:17It's called the Focus RS.
00:01:19And let's cut straight to the chase.
00:01:25It costs £25,000, which is family saloon money.
00:01:31But its top speed is 163 miles an hour.
00:01:37There's a reason for that insane speed.
00:01:50A Volvo engine.
00:01:53It's the same one they used in the Focus ST,
00:01:55but now it has new pistons, a new intercooler,
00:01:58a new inlet manifold, and a new type of turbo.
00:02:01The result is a front-wheel drive car
00:02:06that produces 300 horsepower, which is impossible.
00:02:16Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering
00:02:20while handling, let's say, more than 170 brake horsepower
00:02:24is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling penguins,
00:02:31while making love,
00:02:33to a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage,
00:02:36in front of the Queen.
00:02:38It's all going to go wrong.
00:02:39To try and make sure it doesn't,
00:02:44the RS has a new type of front differential,
00:02:46featuring things that only James May can understand.
00:02:50But does it work?
00:02:53So, watch the steering wheel, okay?
00:02:56Hands off.
00:02:59Yeah, that's torque steer, look.
00:03:01The power is actually turning the wheel,
00:03:03and violently turning it.
00:03:06So the diff hasn't fully cured that problem.
00:03:08But what about cornering?
00:03:15You can't actually feel the whole system working through the wheel.
00:03:21It's odd.
00:03:26I have to say, though,
00:03:27the grip is absolutely phenomenal.
00:03:31Look at that.
00:03:34Eventually, of course, you will slide wide,
00:03:37but only after your face has come off.
00:03:39This is an amazing car.
00:03:52And let's not forget, shall we,
00:03:54that behind the noise...
00:03:55...and the power,
00:03:58and the massively flared wheel archers,
00:04:01this is still a Ford Focus.
00:04:03It has a big boot,
00:04:05a fold-down rear seat,
00:04:07sat-nav,
00:04:08and air conditioning.
00:04:12You might think this is a bit garish.
00:04:15The sort of car that would turn up to court
00:04:17with its hat on back to front.
00:04:19You might think your BMW is better.
00:04:21But when it comes to offering the maximum amount of fun
00:04:26with the most amount of practicality
00:04:28for the least amount of money,
00:04:30I honestly can't think of anything which even gets close.
00:04:39Oh, I can.
00:04:40This is a Renault Megane R26R.
00:04:53It weighs 19 stone less than the standard hot Megane
00:04:57because it has no sand building,
00:04:59no sat-nav,
00:05:01no radio,
00:05:02and even a titanium exhaust system.
00:05:04As a result of all of that,
00:05:09this car has just been ran the Nürburgring
00:05:11in 8 minutes,
00:05:1217 seconds.
00:05:14No other front-wheel drive car
00:05:15has ever been ran faster.
00:05:19So if it's fun you're after,
00:05:21forget Jeremy's fat form.
00:05:23This is what you want.
00:05:30Helmut.
00:05:30Yes, what?
00:05:31Let me ask you a question.
00:05:33Yes, go on.
00:05:34How many horsepowers do you have in your Renault?
00:05:37Er, 227.
00:05:39227.
00:05:40Same as a normal hot dog.
00:05:40So that's 73 less
00:05:43than I have in the Ford.
00:05:44Shall we count them?
00:05:45One, two, three.
00:05:47Yes, it's got less horsepower
00:05:48because it needs less
00:05:49because it's lighter.
00:05:51How much does your Ford weigh?
00:05:521.4 tonnes.
00:05:54Yes, about 200 kilos more than this.
00:05:56It's a sports car.
00:05:57Power, Hammond, is everything.
00:05:59No, it isn't.
00:06:00It's lightness.
00:06:01Power?
00:06:02No, it's not.
00:06:02It is.
00:06:03It isn't.
00:06:03It is.
00:06:05It isn't.
00:06:05It is.
00:06:07Well, it is a bit.
00:06:08Do you know what?
00:06:08We should settle this
00:06:09and there's only one way.
00:06:10Yes.
00:06:10A race.
00:06:11A drag race.
00:06:12Yes.
00:06:12And I'm thinking
00:06:13not just a conventional drag race,
00:06:15let's make it
00:06:15a Le Mans-style drag race.
00:06:17Right, come back here.
00:06:18What, where you run to the car?
00:06:19Run to the car.
00:06:20That foot's quite a long way.
00:06:22Run to the car,
00:06:22belt on,
00:06:22engine on,
00:06:23whoomp.
00:06:23Okay, ready?
00:06:24All right.
00:06:25Steady.
00:06:26Yeah.
00:06:26Go!
00:06:28You see?
00:06:28I'm in already.
00:06:30Yeah.
00:06:31Uh, right.
00:06:32Belt out.
00:06:33I don't have a belt.
00:06:34I've got a harness,
00:06:34but that's okay.
00:06:39No, that's...
00:06:40Oh!
00:06:42God, I'm sitting on it.
00:06:45Ah!
00:06:46Well, that's not right, kid.
00:06:54God.
00:06:59What do you think of that?
00:07:01Let's do a more.
00:07:02We won the race,
00:07:03came back to the start line,
00:07:04you haven't even begun.
00:07:05What's the matter?
00:07:05Four-point harness.
00:07:07Hammond suggested
00:07:08we had a new race
00:07:09where we started
00:07:10in the cars.
00:07:11Whoa!
00:07:16Come on!
00:07:18Oh, he's got
00:07:19a bit of a quick start.
00:07:21Lightness versus power.
00:07:23Ha-ha-ha!
00:07:24Ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:07:25Not be off the line,
00:07:26the lightweight help there,
00:07:26but now the power comes in.
00:07:29Oh-ho-ho!
00:07:30Ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:07:32Ah!
00:07:33Ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:07:36I add you up to 120.
00:07:37And then what happened?
00:07:38How much does that cost, anyway?
00:07:40£25,000.
00:07:42Well, there you go,
00:07:42that's £2,000 more
00:07:44than the Renault.
00:07:45What's this?
00:07:45Ah, yes,
00:07:46that's to save weight.
00:07:47It's thin.
00:07:48That's not thin.
00:07:49It's lightweight.
00:07:50That's the point.
00:07:51Look at this.
00:07:51Yeah,
00:07:52it's to keep the weight down low
00:07:53so that the bits
00:07:54high up the car
00:07:55are light.
00:07:56It's not a car,
00:07:56it's a pole-themed bag.
00:07:58No, that's to make it...
00:07:59I'd love to know
00:07:59just how much room
00:08:01there is in the back
00:08:01for somebody of my height.
00:08:03Oh, no!
00:08:04Ah!
00:08:04It's all full of scaffolding.
00:08:06Yes,
00:08:06and that makes it better
00:08:07through the corners.
00:08:08That's the point.
00:08:09Better than what?
00:08:09Better than that thing
00:08:10for a start.
00:08:11Let's have a look
00:08:12in here, shall we?
00:08:13No radio.
00:08:15No,
00:08:15we don't want a radio
00:08:16in there.
00:08:16It's about...
00:08:17You want to listen
00:08:17to the end?
00:08:18Passenger airbag?
00:08:19No, who cares about that?
00:08:20Any more...
00:08:20I've just got one airbag.
00:08:22Yes.
00:08:22There's nothing in...
00:08:23No, I am finished.
00:08:24It's because it's been,
00:08:24what's the phrase,
00:08:25stripped out,
00:08:26pared down.
00:08:27Let's look at the
00:08:28opposite end of the scale.
00:08:29The winning...
00:08:30Let's just have a look.
00:08:31Stereo, yeah.
00:08:32Big unit.
00:08:33And what's all...
00:08:33What's this big stick down here?
00:08:35No, just push that.
00:08:37Yeah.
00:08:37Voice control.
00:08:40Voice control.
00:08:42Put the radio on, please.
00:08:44No, just don't be stupid.
00:08:46Important speech commands
00:08:48for radio are...
00:08:49Oh, God.
00:08:49How does that
00:08:50help you go faster?
00:08:52Let's just go to
00:08:53the graphic equaliser,
00:08:54shall we?
00:08:54I don't want any of this
00:08:56on my sports car.
00:08:57None of this has anything
00:08:58to do with a hot hatch.
00:08:59The thing that gets you...
00:09:00What do you mean?
00:09:01None of this has anything
00:09:02to do with a hot hatch.
00:09:02No, the whole point
00:09:03of a hot hatch
00:09:04is that it should do
00:09:04everything.
00:09:06Yours just does fast.
00:09:07Not very well.
00:09:09After another hour
00:09:10of bickering,
00:09:11we swapped cars
00:09:12and both of us
00:09:14were in for a big surprise.
00:09:17That's a lot of power.
00:09:18God, it's quick
00:09:19in the corners.
00:09:21Then it all
00:09:22turned into a big race.
00:09:23It looks like
00:09:29I have myself
00:09:30a big green Ford.
00:09:32Burying down!
00:09:34Every time
00:09:35I catch up on the straight,
00:09:36here we go.
00:09:37Yeah, this is better
00:09:37under braking
00:09:38and I can turn tighter.
00:09:41Oh, I'm oversteering!
00:09:43Oh, no!
00:09:49Power!
00:09:50Bringing it in.
00:09:51Soon, the film crew
00:09:54realised it would all
00:09:55end in a big crash
00:09:57and tried to stop us.
00:10:03We've got enough
00:10:04to film.
00:10:05Please come back in.
00:10:06What?
00:10:07Having too much fun!
00:10:09The crew's going
00:10:10mad for some reason.
00:10:14What?
00:10:15Bloody tracking shots.
00:10:16Come on,
00:10:17stop tearing around.
00:10:19What are you thinking?
00:10:20What are you thinking?
00:10:21What are you thinking?
00:10:22It was him!
00:10:23Sun's going down.
00:10:24I wanted to come in.
00:10:25I actually did say
00:10:26we should go in.
00:10:31After a whole day's testing,
00:10:33we arrived at three conclusions.
00:10:36One,
00:10:37the Renault is the best to drive
00:10:39on a short blast.
00:10:40Two,
00:10:41the more powerful,
00:10:42more comfortable Ford
00:10:43is better to own
00:10:44on a day-to-day basis.
00:10:46And three,
00:10:48if you had your heart
00:10:49set on one of these
00:10:50before the banking crisis
00:10:51came along,
00:10:52don't worry.
00:10:54Because you can now
00:10:55have just as much fun
00:10:56for a whole lot less.
00:10:59that's a good car.
00:11:00Yeah!
00:11:01Fair point!
00:11:02Fair point!
00:11:03Fair point!
00:11:04Exactly.
00:11:05Good.
00:11:06Craftsmanship.
00:11:07It's good.
00:11:08It's good, it's good.
00:11:09It's a good car.
00:11:10It is!
00:11:11And that's a fair point.
00:11:12But obviously,
00:11:13as an overall engineering package,
00:11:15there is only one choice.
00:11:16overall engineering package there is only one choice yes there is the ford i completely agree
00:11:23with absolutely nothing you're saying tell you what we will sort this out by finding out which
00:11:30is the fastest around our track that of course means handing them over to our tame racing driver
00:11:35some say that he is absolutely baffled by urinals
00:11:40and that on reflection this was a bad week to launch his debut single
00:11:48it's a tribute to farrah falsett all we know is he's called the stig
00:11:56there we go now reno it'll be fast as well look it's straight into the lead is what it is
00:12:00yes but wait till we get to the first corner yeah here we go we can still be ahead actually
00:12:04i'll get look at that now get the reno clinging on like a kitten to your curtains now aha aha
00:12:10but now what's gonna happen the focus is still rolling listen
00:12:15is that music coming from your reno no no because it hasn't got a stereo so no bagpipe music how's
00:12:20that a bad thing right here we go now can it roll the ford can't stay on the track i'm ahead watch
00:12:25the ford scuffing its door mirrors as it goes through what a mess shut up cornering level
00:12:30from the red now it's all straight from here watch 300 horsepower
00:12:38here we go yeah he's in the cheese eating surrender monkey is now going to be in 300
00:12:44horsepower hauling its massive here we go coming up to the center last corner center last corner
00:12:49i admit yes the runner will be good through here but the ford and flat and the ford behind
00:12:55is superb absolutely magnificent last week it's exciting across the line
00:13:03can we let the board decide
00:13:08the ford did it ford first the ford did it in one minute 29.3 seconds there it is
00:13:18it's a good time okay okay okay no yeah okay but the reno what did it do it in oh god i've
00:13:24forgotten no it was on the tip of my tongue i can't remember can i just say if you're watching
00:13:31this on sky plus welcome you haven't missed much uh just a crummy reno driving around quite slowly just
00:13:38tell us what the reno did it in 128.1 128.1
00:13:46that's clearly a richie for the reno it doesn't matter wow it doesn't matter it can't go on the
00:13:54board what why it's on slicks these are slick tyres they're road legal there's no tread on
00:14:00them at all they're road legal they're morally wrong what morally wrong so what are you going to
00:14:06report me to the church of england every day now yes and then you'll be in trouble with the baby jesus
00:14:14and now the news and we begin the news with a new lamborghini here it is and that has been named
00:14:21after their recently retired chief test driver valentino balboni i bet they wouldn't have called
00:14:26it after him if he'd been named ken shuffle bottom no actually their new chief test driver is called max
00:14:32venturi no he's not no he is honestly that is his real name no he's not really called max he is
00:14:38nobody outside of a comic strip is called max venturi he is lamborghini tester you don't need a driving
00:14:44license to be a lamborghini test driver you just turn up for the interview go look i'm awfully sorry i'm
00:14:48drunk and i'm mad but i'm called velociraptor clint thrust right start on monday anyway a bit about
00:14:54the car it's a limited edition they're only going to make 250 it's 138 000 pounds which is 10 000
00:15:00pounds less than the regular car but that's because this is rear wheel drive the others of
00:15:05course are all four-wheel drive but what i really like about it is that stripe this one yes you know
00:15:10it goes over the seats as well does it yes and over the seats i like that stripe so much i'd be
00:15:16prepared to buy the whole car just to get it just for the strike just can i just offer one word of
00:15:22warning to anyone who's thinking of buying a gallardo james for you okay have you seen this
00:15:28that's that's a burning guy yeah have you seen this that's a burning guy yeah no have you seen this
00:15:34that's a burning guy i know but have you seen this that's a burning guy what about this uh burning
00:15:40guy what about this that'll be a burning guy that's ridiculous so i go into the dealer and i say i'd
00:15:46like a lamborghini could i have one that's not on fire thing is though i have to say this is what
00:15:51makes driving a lamborghini so exciting so you drive a normal car and it's not on fire hey now
00:15:58listen goodwood festival of speed last weekend as i'm sure you know this is a celebration of all the
00:16:02great cars all the brilliant cars we've seen over the years renault turned up with this
00:16:10i kid you not okay now look what it says here on the picture they sent us the renau zeddy that
00:16:15stands for zero emissions renau zeddy concept wows goodwood festival of speed wrong word should be
00:16:20ruins what are they talking about how many children said dad can we please go to the goodwood festival
00:16:27speed because i really want to see a zero emission renau van yes how many of those kids went back to
00:16:31school the next day did you see the chrome-plated baguette no but i saw a renau van with green windows
00:16:37yeah right uh what else are we going to get rid of that right now hammond i've got something for
00:16:41you have you seen this oh it's for you oh it's a zonder now this isn't what i this thing is this is
00:16:48the zonder sink and it's got new front splitter and new diffuser but what they've done is invent
00:16:55a new composite fiber to make this thing the body that is made it combines carbon and titanium to make
00:17:03carbotanium is that what they they haven't called it that it's straight out of a comic look at it and
00:17:09it's made of carbotanium carbotanium it's good job they didn't call it titbon anyway that's got um
00:17:16quite a lot of power 678 270 miles an hour 0-60 3.4 seconds it's right up your street habit it's just
00:17:24do you know the most impressive statistic about this car it does 124 miles an hour to zero
00:17:31zero in 4.3 seconds now just in case you don't think of that let me just time that for you okay
00:17:37so you're doing 124 now break 150 and you stopped now god that's immense 124 it's just unbelievable
00:17:47i mean you would feel that could actually quite literally make you sick decelerating at that rate
00:17:51in fact i did a calculation that is the equivalent of minus 1.3 g your sick could come out really quickly
00:17:57wouldn't it all over the dash of your zonder rib it's a carrot through my red cavity
00:18:04have you had a calculation on how quick the sick would come out well you know oddly enough i have
00:18:09your sick richard hammond if you break from 125 miles an hour to naught in that zonder would accelerate
00:18:15out of your mouth at 12.9 meters per second squared james nobody's bothered hey now anyone here
00:18:23have been to china okay well the thing is when you're there you're often tempted to buy one of
00:18:28those fake watches yes you see on the street every time because you just think oh yeah that'll get
00:18:33everybody fooled oh it's stopped the thing is right there's a chinese company now called geely
00:18:39and they have launched a fake rolls royce i'll give over got a picture of it here
00:18:46if there is ever any budget cuts on the apprentice alan sugar could turn up in that nobody would be any
00:18:54the wiser nobody look at it it's identical it's almost like they said what does a rolls royce look
00:19:01like down the phone mind you you think the overall shape is bad you know the flying lady on the front
00:19:08okay we've got a picture here of the one that's actually on alan sugar's car there it is would you
00:19:13like to see the one on the front of the geely fake yeah here it is oh god i just made that add a bit
00:19:19of foil in the top of a cigarette packet and twisted it into shape it's got no head it's terrible anyway
00:19:25listen that is the news and now we must move on yes because one of the questions we're forever being
00:19:30asked is which is fastest a car or a letter yeah it's a very interesting question so hammond and i decided
00:19:37that we would race against her majesty's postal service job number one find ourselves a first
00:19:44class set of wheels
00:19:52and this could very well do the job porsche's first ever four-door saloon
00:19:59it's called the panamera
00:20:01and it ought to be good since it's taken them 61 years to get around to making it
00:20:10you said in our last series that this looks a bit like an austin maxi yes i did i'm not so sure
00:20:16now no anyway more of the car in a minute first though our race we are currently down here in the
00:20:24silly isles which is the most south westerly part of britain and the finishing point is all the way
00:20:31up here in the middle of the very remote orkneys yes and in a moment that man is going to pop that
00:20:37letter in the letterbox shortly after that postman pat will pick it up and then it will be on its way
00:20:42to zanzibar bungalow bursae orkney right so basically it is our job to defend the honor of the car
00:20:49against the might of the royal mail and everything at its disposal so we must get there first because
00:20:55if we don't what we're effectively saying is don't buy this porsche buy a stamp
00:21:02yeah i'm inclined to get a wriggle on go
00:21:08i took the wheel for the first leg
00:21:09and then onwards via four plane journeys to the orkners
00:21:40passing through several sorting offices along the way delivery time was before noon the next day
00:21:50well that must be the helicopter with the letter on it
00:21:52well i say it was lost but i haven't driven the car yet
00:21:58in fact by the time we landed in penzance the letter had already been on the mainland for an hour
00:22:04and a half and was now at the sorting office in truro next stop for us the ferry at jonagroats in scotland
00:22:12830 miles go go go
00:22:18let's see what his overtaking ability is like
00:22:24significant it goes like a stab rat this particular stab rat is the cheapest version with a 4.4 litre 394 horsepower v8
00:22:39top speed 176 miles per hour price just over 72 000 pounds
00:22:48i bet it's got some extras
00:22:51yeah this one has everything it's got leather interior
00:22:53three thousand pounds the wheels 930 quid well you don't get wheels normally a doppelke plush could
00:23:00drive dpg that's the gearbox here 2289 quid to you sunroof 946 quid
00:23:09heated multi-function steering wheel 700 quid and finish off ceramic brakes 5 235 quid
00:23:20i've just discovered something so brilliant that you're going to get excited
00:23:24like there's five dials on the dash yeah look at that sam now you get the moving map in the dial
00:23:31oh oh you're not going to crush the car do you yes i am there's 0-60 in 5.4 seconds slower than an m5
00:23:42but that is quicker than a quadsport a quadsport is the car it has to beat in my book because i know
00:23:47it's flawed but it is fantastically charming i like the ridiculousness of it yeah it's wonderful
00:23:53this is a porsche we won't have any ridiculousness no this is german
00:23:57now as road testers we're supposed to approach every new car with an open mind
00:24:05hammond however was struggling i'm not sure i want it to be any good are you still one of
00:24:10these people who wants porsche to only ever make the 911 yes so in hammond's britain would everybody
00:24:15who wants to buy a porsche be forced to buy it for 911 yes you'd walk into the shop and i'd say i'd
00:24:20like a porsche please and they'd say certainly sir what color would you like oh you'll allow them to
00:24:25choose the color yeah we overtook the letter whilst it was still bumbling around the sorting office
00:24:32and pressed home our advantage but as darkness fell it was on the move again now heading to exeter
00:24:38airport we knew this because we'd fitted it with a tracking device this is like being in a bond movie
00:24:45location on the a30 1.27 miles northwest of long down oh we're miles ahead we are miles ahead yeah we're
00:24:56a beam almost a beam cardiff what does a beam mean alongside we're getting we're close to say close to
00:25:07the other good news was that because we weren't in vietnam or anywhere foreign i had control of the
00:25:14catering what i'm proposing is this a bag of crisps each a sickly sugar riddled drink and then a jeff cake
00:25:26dinner gave me indigestion as did the news from the computer the letter is now at exeter airport
00:25:47where after a bit more sorting it would be shooting onto a plane towards east midlands airport
00:25:53how long do you reckon it'll take to fly them from exeter to east midlands airport that's going to
00:25:58be what an hour but it can't be more than an hour and a half of it before wouldn't it be great if we
00:26:03passed east midlands airport before it got in fact we've got to if we don't do that we're stuffed get your
00:26:08toe down progress was good that is until we hit bernie
00:26:25meanwhile the royal mail army 160 000 strong with 30 000 vehicles and planes at its disposal
00:26:33was now really flexing its muscles nobody at all doing anything whatsoever what have you got working
00:26:40on the road tiny mice that i can't see that's it's taken off we're doing 16 miles an hour it's probably
00:26:54doing 300 this could cost us the race since we were crawling we pitted for fuel and a driver change
00:27:05and then mercifully the road works ended
00:27:08this thing covers miles like nothing i've ever been i know the seats are excellent i have to say
00:27:23i have no complaints whatsoever about the seats
00:27:28okay simplest question does it feel like a portion no thus far i'd agree no i don't think it does
00:27:34but we have as yet only driven it on motorways and airways very true so we can't arrive at a
00:27:41verdict on this car really until we've done the windy bit through the top of scottland
00:27:46just after midnight the laptop spewed out a mail update the letter is at east midlands airport
00:27:54so at the moment we still have the lead because we were further north just passing warrington
00:27:59we are ahead well we are birds it's going to get on another airplane and then it goes cracking all
00:28:06the way to scotland
00:28:12it's an immense operation this is a big car but it's nothing compared to the scale of the operation
00:28:17against which we've pitched it right now though i had a more immediate problem and it was sitting
00:28:24in the passenger seat i'm going to take your mind off the journey with god some royal mail trivia do
00:28:32you absolutely have to how many addresses do you think there are in the uk that's a fairly easy
00:28:39one really 12 12 addresses i don't know do i 28 million why is that an easy one well because you
00:28:47know that there are roughly 28 million households why would i know that because everybody knows that no
00:28:52they don't i don't how many incidents a year are there of postmen being bitten by dogs two million
00:29:00seven hundred and thirty five thousand no five thousand which monarch how many of these do you have
00:29:07james managed to bore me all the way up to the lake district but then he was distracted by news from
00:29:13the laptop it is effectively overhead the letter is now belting ahead
00:29:23what is going to be in edinburgh in no time yes i would guess within 25 minutes how can we possibly
00:29:29win this at half one in the morning the roads were clear but when the plane touched down in edinburgh
00:29:38we were still a good 80 miles behind it's a big center it's a lot of post goes in there a lot of
00:29:45post goes in there but they've got a lot of people working there i suspect they obviously did
00:29:51because just over half an hour later while we were still south of edinburgh the letter was in the air
00:29:58again tracking up to the north of scotland they're the hell of a leg we're in a lot of trouble
00:30:04i'm going to do some more time and distance calculations hold on oh good
00:30:09bless you bless you bless you bless you bless you bless you in the end the calculation was quite
00:30:18simple by the time our letter landed at raf kinloss it had opened up a crushing lead of 115 miles
00:30:26the only good news was that my co-driver had become mercifully quiet
00:30:41okay we've lost don't be defeated no it was not the time to throw in the towel just yet
00:30:58because the letter had now slowed down as it trundled on a lorry towards inverness sorting office
00:31:04by contrast we had miles of stunning roads ahead
00:31:08time to see if this thing drove like a porsche i'm going for full sport
00:31:19yeah now feel that it's pelvis shatteringly quick this car
00:31:26and that's not all the panamera has almost perfect weight distribution
00:31:32the lowest center of gravity of any big saloon and it's lighter than any rival except the featherweight
00:31:38jag xjr it even has magnesium window frames to keep the lard at bay put all this together and in the
00:31:46corners it was a class act the one thing i criticized this thing for having no sense of drama and theater
00:31:55it has it's bonkers it's massive it does things a supercar does only it's got four doors
00:32:05why are you saying you like it now i'm saying i think i prefer it to an m5
00:32:12now you see i'd go for the mazza this is very good but it doesn't really move me
00:32:17however because it's so fast it did put us back in the game we've just passed the letter because we've
00:32:27just gone past inverness tell me i'm right yes yes we have and the letter is still in the inverness
00:32:32sorting office so we've taken the lead again but this was the world's biggest game of leapfrog and as we
00:32:40got closer to john o' groats the letter zoomed overhead ban for the orkneys
00:32:51this is ridiculous even trying to catch it let's try anyway the way good news it's not going like
00:32:58the clappers anymore the bad news that means it's landed it's a kirkwalk it's on all we now had less
00:33:07than two hours before the letter got sorted and posty would be on his rounds heading for zanzibar
00:33:15i'm sorry but i think we have blown it he could fall off his bike it's arithmetic i don't want him
00:33:20to pull up his bike obviously that's a terrible thing to happen but if he did we could win
00:33:26if by some flu we beat the letter now to zanzibar cottage our conclusion will have to be
00:33:31the postal system in britain is absolutely brilliant everywhere except on the orkneys
00:33:37or if you need to post a letter you could do the old-fashioned way and buy a 39p stamp and let
00:33:42somebody else do it or spend 90 000 pounds on a porsche drive yourself overnight 870 miles
00:33:49and deliver it by hand and yeah it's not cheap but it's it's making sure
00:34:01the boat journey would take an agonizing 45 minutes and that wasn't the only bad news
00:34:12it says here the signal's been lost is that because we're at sea it might be but more importantly i've
00:34:18got a text here saying the tracker has been switched off by the office so that we don't
00:34:24know where the letter is it keeps the tension up keeps us going well it seems that means we've lost
00:34:32doesn't it don't know that by the time we landed it was almost 11 o'clock so we knew that posty would
00:34:42be on his rails go go go go it was us in a v8 porsche against a man in a vauxhall combo van
00:34:54this is an annoying time to step behind a lorry extremely
00:35:06do you see any red vans no
00:35:15can you stop driving like such an ass it's not going to make any difference
00:35:20driving quickly that will make a difference in a race
00:35:24the first day that was it it's right up here
00:35:36it's half a level this stress is killing me
00:35:40right that's it there this is it
00:35:51if it's there it'll be on the map
00:35:56let's just check inside
00:35:58that means we just have to sit here and wait
00:36:00ah it's an envelope that's true row 2105 that's well that's it we've lost
00:36:15so
00:36:19what you're saying is if you want to get something to the top of scotland buy a stamp
00:36:24yeah yeah i have to say though the queen's head is better looking than this
00:36:31no actually i don't think it's that bad it's hammond well all porsches are ugly this looks like a mangled
00:36:38ape look at it it'll grow on you yeah when will it grow on me no it hasn't grown on me
00:36:45and it never will james it never will so i tell you what we're going to do now we are going to put a
00:36:50star in our reasonably priced car now my guest tonight has got three olympic gold medals three
00:36:57and unlike the stig he didn't steal them after a full-on fist fight with sebastian co
00:37:04ladies and gentlemen usain bolt
00:37:23that is an honor thank you so much for coming thank you so much
00:37:27now how many times have you watched your 100 meter gold medal run in china
00:37:33ah a lot a lot yeah i'm really sorry to do this to you but i want to watch it one more time it's
00:37:39going to be a lot and one here it is let's have a look let's remind ourselves of the moment
00:37:46they get away first time powell has got a very good start sorted dicks alongside them but here comes
00:37:51usain bolt usain bolt streaking away from the field it's going to be gold for jamaica that is superb
00:37:56it's a new world record he has blown them all away
00:38:02usain bolt is the olympic champion that was 9.69 actually that was 9.69 seconds now what's
00:38:15interesting about that and i'm sure people have noticed this okay and we've got it in slow motion
00:38:20just the last bit of it okay can we just have a look at this because as far as that work out you're
00:38:24celebrating it was a world record wasn't it yeah 9.69 is a world record and for the last what 10 meters
00:38:32you were basically going yeah what do you get that here we go here we go here we go there you are in
00:38:37the lead and absolutely astounding and there you go there you set a world record
00:38:55how did you know how did you know you were so far in the lead that you could afford to go
00:39:00you know well uh um um the last person my race is the best part of my race so after i get to top speed
00:39:08it's hard to catch me now there's another thing as well okay we've seen that moment of him slowing
00:39:16down and celebrating there's a still photograph that i found of you crossing the line okay we just have
00:39:21a look at this just put this up watch this you set a world record with your shoelace under i don't
00:39:31know what happened there well i do it just came undone yeah and i'm a speed it's a speed am i right
00:39:36to say 100 meters from an early age wasn't even your speciality no it wasn't actually mainly 200 meters
00:39:43was my speciality and i do 400 meters but i hate the 400 meters i hate running 400
00:39:48i'd hate running to there what's the matter with the 400 meters ah the train is so hard
00:39:57yeah it's really intense because it's a long distance and you get something called lactic acid
00:40:02you probably wouldn't know he's right he's right oh really let me tell you something bolt fat men are
00:40:16harder to kidnap actually what was the last 100 meters you run 986 986 because i used to do when i
00:40:25was about 17 12 seconds so that's i'm only really 2.3 seconds slower than the fastest man in the world
00:40:35i must be what the fifth fastest guy in the world
00:40:37i was coming here today i actually was looking through a magazine and i i came across something
00:40:45interesting yep the sexiest men yep one of the sexiest men and you're like what 87 are you not looking so
00:40:53sexy
00:41:05and in 97
00:41:13richard hammond's not in it
00:41:14but nor are you no i'm just i can't do this if i come in there then there's gonna be nobody else
00:41:23in that page now can you just give me an idea of of your training regime in order to be able to
00:41:30just break world records like that oh for me i train like six times a week three hours a day but
00:41:36don't watch only three yeah don't don't let the three hours fool you it's very intense work
00:41:43it's just i'm forgive me for saying this but you know i looked in there's a quote this is a direct
00:41:47quote from you this was i think the day of your 100 meter gold medal you know what i'm going to say
00:41:55okay it said i didn't have breakfast woke up at 11 o'clock sat around watching tv then had some chicken
00:42:01nuggets oh no it gets better right slept for two hours then went back and got some more nuggets
00:42:10is that for real was that yeah the reason why i did that actually was because i didn't trust the
00:42:16food really you kind of i was i was saying uh i'm gonna make sure i eat something i know uh so i got
00:42:22nuggets i'm sure i'm sure about nuggets okay now look your cars i really got to get on to your cars
00:42:29first of all i guess do your management people and i guess you must have management do they
00:42:33try to keep you out of fast cars yes they do actually they do yeah because you might crash
00:42:41so how come you had an m3 uh uh my sponsors actually when i won at the olympics my sponsor
00:42:48decided that what you want i said that i am tree because i really wanted one and they bought it for
00:42:53me so they bought you an m3 yeah yeah are they mad and what happened to it
00:42:59uh i write it off
00:43:03stuff that was not a pretty sight i'm really embarrassed to tell you this we've got a photograph
00:43:10who'd like to see the photograph
00:43:11yeah did you is this been rolled yeah three times actually were you okay yeah i was good the
00:43:25only problem i had when i came out i was barefoot and i got stick by prickles actually
00:43:29prickle what forms yeah that was the only problem i had actually now when we discovered that you were
00:43:39going to be able to come on top gear and do this you said that you were going to be fast yeah on our
00:43:43track yeah is this just a competitive thing or do you really think that you're a quick man well i'm a
00:43:48quick i think god i proved that i'm a quick man but uh came here i'm saying if i'm the fastest man
00:43:56in the world come on i need to show the people that i am a fast driver also so who'd like to see usain's laugh
00:44:02that's nice and aggressive and look i'm liking the first corner
00:44:19yes tidy oh yeah yeah i think michael schumacher i think michael schumacher
00:44:27michael schumacher wouldn't do this well he didn't do this he got lost
00:44:33they don't call it both the line for nothing hammerhead this is obviously this is you got to
00:44:39concentrate here did you do much training for this no no no no this guy sucks
00:44:49here we go i presume you were flat through there i love you come on i love you
00:44:56yes let's keep doing that way come on keep doing that keep doing that way
00:45:04that's oh i'm loving that that's fantastic and this one nearly got the back
00:45:16and one good will you be the fastest jamaican we've ever had
00:45:27i'm guessing you will be yeah yeah i got well i've got the time here
00:45:33he's leaning forwards look what you're supposed to do now is this and i'm not bothered
00:45:38but you are yeah usain bolt you did it what are we looking at up at the top there there's well
00:45:49anything faster than 148 is obviously quite you did it one minute 40
00:45:56six point five you are very near the top
00:46:03that's what we're talking about
00:46:07people
00:46:09well done mate now
00:46:14the thing is how much do you weigh
00:46:18pounds are we 210. 210 pounds now the stick of the power the weight rather makes a huge difference
00:46:25in that car it's why laurence delaglio you know a rugby player he's hugely quick but he did a 147
00:46:30four because he weighs about 17 stone the stig tells me if you'd have been a little man jk-sized
00:46:37simon cowell you would have been right at the top so it's only the weight that's getting you down
00:46:42get yourself on a diet and we'd love to have you back ladies and gentlemen usain
00:47:00as i'm sure you all know the popular playground game british bulldogs has been banned in most
00:47:07schools because people in safety glasses say it's too dangerous but children what if you were to play
00:47:14it with cars yeah specifically could you get five miles from one side of a tank proving ground in
00:47:20dorset to the other while a team from the british army tries to stop you
00:47:26this is the playing field we'd selected
00:47:34and this is the car i'd be using an eight-year-old 8 000 pound mitsubishi evo 7
00:47:41which had been modified by a previous owner on the downside he'd removed the airbag
00:47:49but on the upside he'd operated the suspension toughened the brakes and fitted variable boost
00:47:55control to the engine
00:48:02i've got the boost turned all the way up so it's producing 500 brake horsepower 500
00:48:11top speed is the same as before it's limited to 155 but it does up to 60 in 3.2 seconds
00:48:20and of course because it was born in the world of rallying and has four-wheel drive
00:48:31it can do this kind of speed whether it's on tarmac ice snow gravel or indeed the scrubland of dorset
00:48:40here it just comes alive turn it feel the back end step out plant the power
00:48:52it's telepathically brilliant but then it would need to be because i was going up against this lot
00:49:06i thought they'd just have a load of crummy land rovers that would just fall over every time they
00:49:15went around the corner nevertheless i was still feeling confident do you know what an evo is you're
00:49:21familiar with it yes yes car why yeah good on the roads good on the road you're going to struggle
00:49:26around here rally tires have you seen ours it's 500 horsepower this thing you've got 500 horsepower
00:49:341500 1500 i have pencil sharpeners with more than that when you're bottomed out yeah in the bottom of
00:49:40that big hole over there yeah and he calls in bits with 50 cal yeah then we'll see who's laughing
00:49:47i mean i love your enthusiasm i like hope hope propels a man and keep that hope until you find me at the
00:49:53finish line to the other side and made it well the spearhead of their miserable and pointless attack
00:50:00would be the jackal designed in a shed in devon and now used by even the american special forces
00:50:09it has a 5.9 liter diesel engine so it will do 90 miles an hour everywhere
00:50:17it's clever too the petrol tank is covered in a skin that forms a new layer over bullet holes
00:50:25and the undersides are designed to deflect explosions away from the people on top
00:50:33the idea is that this fast nimble go up anything vehicle will herd me towards this the mastiff which
00:50:40apparently is designed not to look frightening in a war designed to win hearts and minds whatever
00:50:47uh and then waiting to pounce will be this which is a fiat van it's called the panther and even though
00:50:55it's built by the same company that makes the panda it costs just shy of half a million pounds
00:51:01now the reason why it's so expensive is that it does come with an awful lot of warning stickers
00:51:10and a television no look at this for 360 degree traverse accurate to at least a thousand meters
00:51:18i've got to get one of these for my car look at that that's something you won't be seeing just
00:51:25be a blur anyway thanks chaps best of luck with your ice cream van with a gun on it
00:51:34this is what scares me the most it's called the trojan and because it's part tank part bulldozer
00:51:41it's the king of wherever it damn well wants to go
00:51:49now you're probably thinking this is all very jolly but how are they actually going to bring me down
00:51:55strong words rude gestures this is top gear we don't mess about they're going to be using their guns
00:52:02and they won't be firing blanks either as a measure of my confidence the ammunition they're loading
00:52:07is live
00:52:14right active sent to diff on gravel
00:52:18so the previous owner then he liked to be safe in bed but he disconnected his airbag
00:52:36hope i haven't been ambitious with this live fire thing
00:52:39it's just i promised my wife we'd go out for dinner tonight that'll be difficult if i'm all full of holes
00:52:49there we go
00:52:53right five miles to the finish and i needed to build up
00:52:57an early lead
00:52:58and there's a reminder i'm not going fast enough
00:53:12it's doing 70 miles an hour and that damn thing is right up my trumpet
00:53:21but then the evo curded its loins
00:53:24oh there's the turbo boost live with this
00:53:31the good thing is at this speed he can't fire his gun
00:53:35not without shooting every rambler in dorset
00:53:38this is just fantastic condom man may be a bit peculiar
00:53:46but god he knew how to set up a car
00:53:50that is a big lead now
00:53:54come on come on come on oh my god i'm not going to get over that
00:53:59hide hide hide when in doubt
00:54:10there's one there they can't see me
00:54:16it looks like they've got themselves a titan basically a challenger tank with the turret removed
00:54:21of the machine on top they can span a 24 meter gorge in 90 seconds
00:54:29so he's building that so they can get from one side of the playing field to the other
00:54:37so he won't be expecting this here we go
00:54:41it's a beautiful bridge
00:54:45go go go i was now halfway to the finish but they were back on my tail
00:54:52this is a much more exciting way of playing british bulldogs
00:54:56oh my god
00:55:01and on this rough part of the playing field i couldn't use the boost to pull away
00:55:06i'm being herded i'm being herded i'm being herded by a jackal
00:55:12that's a bad noise
00:55:17through the trees hide please the bulletproof in my mind
00:55:22he's up there he's got the high ground
00:55:25oh god help
00:55:28right time to go
00:55:29lady luck then put a minefield between me and them
00:55:41and if you move up into overwatch over one zero now position help what are they doing
00:55:53they were sending in the trojan to clear the mines
00:55:56just going straight through
00:56:05see that jack there it's the last person to play uh british bulldogs with the army
00:56:09one car
00:56:27i'm starting to think i might not win this
00:56:29oh this is perfect i'm coming up behind the trojan
00:56:47what i'm doing now is genius i'm using the trojan as a shield and even if they do see me there's
00:57:00nothing they can do about it because the gun is on the other side
00:57:03what are you doing what are you doing
00:57:15stop it you're spoiling it eventually he did put me down but the car was a wreck
00:57:21and that it seemed was that
00:57:24you lost
00:57:41what's because i was up against this lot and a 60 ton tank you were up against the letter
00:57:47can i just ask about the car yeah well it was ruined yes it was but there's a very good reason
00:57:52for that you see the thing is that car used to belong to a drug dealer and the judge who banged
00:57:58him up said his car had to be destroyed okay and i thought rather than let the police put it in a
00:58:04crusher why don't i give it a heroic fighting chance so the bloke who used to own that car yeah
00:58:11condom man yeah he was watching that probably in his prison cell on the telly thinking that's my
00:58:18car yeah and it gets worse how can it get worse because it was only damaged there's one and a
00:58:25half miles still to go the game's still on
00:58:34sit rep not really if i'm honest quite dusty a lot of pollen a lot of pollen
00:58:48come on now i'm no longer bulletproof
00:59:02i'm taking hits
00:59:24i'm taking another hit
00:59:30stop shooting stop it but they didn't
00:59:37and soon they'd taken out the engine and the on-board camera
00:59:48with your tracer stop it
00:59:50then their tracer round set fire to the car as well
00:59:59we'll call it a draw they seemed happy with that unlike i suspect the man whose car it uh was
01:00:11it always works it worked in cars that could catch up had masters everywhere
01:00:18brave hands
01:00:19brave hands that's what you need you really weren't joking were you i mean these are
01:00:24real bullets oh yeah hundreds of them i said it was live fire yeah and they all missed you yes
01:00:30yes is this a 50 cal exit wound here where here oh yes no that one we've worked it out it went in
01:00:37here okay it went through the chassis through the petrol tank i'm not joking it went out there then it
01:00:42went all the way across dorset devon cornwall and do you remember that post box in the silly aisles
01:00:47yeah it actually hit that you know the 50 cal right this is the air conditioning matrix we
01:00:54rescued from the burning wreck this is a normal bullet hole that is a 50 cal bullet hole
01:01:00do you know what what i find this a little bit depressing because it was the bloke who dealt drugs
01:01:06it wasn't his car was it no i know what you mean but it is going to catch on i'm afraid next
01:01:10week we are going to find a benefit sheet and flinny's microwave off beachy head yeah
01:01:16we are the enforcers we are on that bombshell it's time to end good night
01:01:29ben fogel's surprise tropical illness really has thrown an ice pick in the works as the south pole
01:01:34challenge continues next and in the film comedy confetti and martin freeman and jessica stevenson
01:01:39are planning a wedding with a difference permission to cringe at five past ten
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