- 3 months ago
In Season 10 Episode 8 of Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson takes the Australian powerhouse Vauxhall VXR8 (the rebadged HSV Clubsport R8) to the test track and finds it giving serious competition to its German rivals. Meanwhile, he and James May embark on a fascinating journey into automotive history, seeking the first car with the modern layout of controls that drivers take for granted today. Richard Hammond gets behind the wheel of the Renault R25 Formula One car to see just how hard it is to drive a real F1 machine, and F1 champion Lewis Hamilton takes on the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car segment with a wet-track time that surprised everyone. Music star James Blunt also laps the board in the same episode. This mix of high performance, deep-motoring history, and celebrity laps makes Episode 8 a standout in the season.
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:00.
00:13Tonight, Compo takes me for a spin in a car from his youth.
00:17Richard tries to drive a fast car without crashing.
00:21And Lewis Hamilton faces his toughest test yet,
00:24the Suzuki Liana.
00:30Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.
00:36Hello, and welcome to the BMW M5, which is very expensive.
00:42However, I know of a car which does all the same sort of stuff
00:46for half the price, so that's got to be worth a look.
00:49Even though it is a bit... Australian.
00:56Welcome, everyone, to the VX R8.
01:00Like the M5, it's a spacious four-door, five-seater saloon car
01:04with much leather, many buttons and a large boot.
01:10Like the M5, it'll bumble about all day, quietly and comfortably.
01:18And, like the M5, it's capable, when the mood takes you,
01:21of being absolutely and completely bonkers.
01:33This could only have come from a country that hadn't signed up
01:37to the Kyoto Treaty.
01:39Such a big, comfortable car, it's staggeringly easy to drive very...
01:49really fast.
01:50It's got a six-litre V8.
01:58That's 414 horsepower.
02:010 to 60, less than five seconds.
02:09It's tough speed if you take the limiter off.
02:12But now, that's 75.
02:15And that's pretty quick.
02:17And it's yours for just £35,000.
02:23Now, for that sort of money,
02:24what you'd normally be looking at is a 3-litre BMW 5 Series
02:28or a 3.2-litre Audi A6
02:31or a 2.8-litre Mercedes E-Class.
02:34Now, they're all very nice cars, they really are,
02:36but they're not really in the same league as the big V8.
02:54They are all lost in my six-litre shot way.
02:59In a simple drag race, it completely trounces them.
03:06And we see much the same thing in the corners.
03:15Out of the way, Germans!
03:21This then delivers M5 power gains for £30,000 less.
03:27So what exactly are you missing out on?
03:31Well, first of all, the BMW comes with a BMW badge,
03:37and that is worth its weight in myrrh.
03:40Whereas this is being sold in Britain as a Vauxhall.
03:49What's more, inside, it's a bit like a Curry's own brand stereo.
03:53And, of course, with such a big engine,
03:57it's not what you'd call economical.
04:02And then there's the exterior.
04:05With all its trinketry and price-drop TV jewellery,
04:08it's not exactly a wallflower.
04:10But the main reason why this is £30,000 cheaper than an M5 is simple.
04:19It's about 30,000 times less complicated.
04:22In an M5, there are seven different settings for the gearbox.
04:30There are two for the differential.
04:32You can even choose how much power you want from the engine.
04:36It's like a pog and pog kitchen.
04:38It's very high-tech, very German, very nice.
04:42This, though, this is...
04:44This is more like a Barbie.
04:47Honestly, I'm surprised you don't pour beer on it
04:49when you want to turn it off.
04:52You push the middle pedal when you want it to slow down.
04:56You turn this big circular thing in front of you
04:58to make it go round corners.
05:02And then you push the pedal on the right
05:06when you want it to make more noise.
05:14This car, then.
05:15It's as dainty as a hobnail boot,
05:18as feminine as a burst sausage.
05:21And I've got to say...
05:23I love it.
05:28There you go.
05:30You can't talk.
05:32You can't talk.
05:34I'm sensing...
05:36Just sensing from that that maybe you quite like it.
05:39Oh, it is. It's great fun. It really is.
05:40Would you have it over an M5?
05:42No.
05:44I mean, the problem is this just looks...
05:46so...
05:48moronic.
05:50It's Australian.
05:52I know, with an American engine.
05:54Anyway, we must now find out how fast this colonial double act
05:57goes round our track, and that, of course,
05:59means handing it over to our tame racing driver.
06:01Some say that when he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks.
06:05And that if he'd been the manager of the England football squad last week,
06:09he wouldn't have been a feckless ginger gum chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us.
06:19All we know is he's called the Stig.
06:22And we're off.
06:24And it's been raining, but then it would do because it's England and it always rains.
06:2837 degrees in Sydney today.
06:31Everyone's at the beach.
06:33There we go. First call. English fella will probably make a mess of it.
06:36Name's the Stig. Oh, look, he's completely messed that up.
06:39I've got to call him Bruce just to keep it simple.
06:40Proper Aussie music there. Right, into Chicago. Right, he's hanging the arse out.
06:47You don't want to do that in England.
06:49Never know what might happen.
06:51Hammerhead. That's a shark where I come from.
06:54Not a bloody corner.
06:56Wallabongalongamongaloo. That's a proper name for a corner.
07:00OK.
07:06Right, the follow through.
07:07Let's see this limp-wristed pom open the taps.
07:13OK, second to last corner.
07:15Of course, if Alan Jones was driving, we'd be done by now.
07:18Yeah, proper driver Jones. He man's man really knew how to fry up a steak.
07:22Probably saw him wrestle like a gooly-gooly snake.
07:25He had fists the size of prawns.
07:31They're Australian, these two.
07:33Couple of Australians turn up to hear the time, and it is.
07:36You ready?
07:37It's bar o'clock.
07:38Bar o'clock, yeah.
07:39Well, you can get going, because it's 1.31.3.
07:43So it's right here, look.
07:44I know it was wet, but it's still behind everything from Europe.
07:51And now, the news.
07:54Now, you know those club card points that you get in supermarkets when you spend money?
07:58Mm.
07:59Tesco's has announced this week that if you spend those vouchers on a car, you get four times the value of the points.
08:05Really?
08:06They quadruple them.
08:07That's not good, because I buy my pies from Tesco's.
08:09You know those little steak ones with the gravy, from the finest range, with the really thick crusty topping.
08:14Well, it works that for every hundred pounds you spend, you get the equivalent of four pounds back in points towards your car.
08:21So how many pies a week do you eat?
08:24Two.
08:25And how much are they?
08:26£1.20.
08:27£1.20.
08:28So for each one of those £1.20s, you get...
08:31So you could be on your way to a car, mate.
08:33Let's just work this one out.
08:34You could have enough for a Ford Fiesta diesel in 2,403 years.
08:42Wow!
08:44You're going to have to eat more pies, that's what you're going to have to do, a lot more.
08:47I can eat more pies than that.
08:48Hang on, I can work out that, um...
08:50Hold on a minute.
08:51Well, it's an ambition for you.
08:52No, hang on a minute, because I could have a new Ford Focus in a year if I eat 570 pies a day.
09:03Wow!
09:04Well, there you go!
09:05That'd be for so many years' time.
09:06James, James, your new car's here.
09:08I can't get up!
09:09I don't feel so well.
09:12Pies are not a good way to buy cars, just in case you were wondering.
09:15Now, you ready for this?
09:17The Americans have announced their Green Car of the Year.
09:21Oh, good, it'll be a Toyota Prius.
09:23It isn't.
09:24Electric thing?
09:25It's a Prius Toyota.
09:26No.
09:27It's going to be a Prius, so...
09:28It isn't.
09:29I've got a photograph of it here.
09:30There you go.
09:31That's not a Prius!
09:32No, that's a 6-litre V8 Chevy Tahoe.
09:34That's the Green Car of the Year.
09:36I'm absolutely not joking.
09:37No, it's a hybrid.
09:38They put a tiny, weeny little electric motor in it somewhere.
09:40There you are.
09:41That's a hybrid.
09:42And they've fallen for it.
09:43That's 21 miles to the gallon.
09:45That's green.
09:46It is very green.
09:47Actually, the funniest thing is the judges for this, okay?
09:50Do you want to know who the judges are?
09:51The American Green Car of the Year?
09:53One of them was Jay Leno.
09:54Oh, he hates cars.
09:55Yes, apart from his large collection of Ferraris and Porsches, he hates them.
09:58Yeah.
09:59Carol Shelby.
10:00Oh, he really hates cars.
10:01Yeah.
10:02No, Carol Shelby was the man who put the 7-litre V8 in the AC-8 to create the Cobra and spends
10:08his time now...
10:09Supercharging Mustangs.
10:10He does, yes.
10:11He puts superchargers on Mustangs.
10:12When the other judge was, he's called Jean-Michel Cousteau, and he's actually Jacques Cousteau's
10:18son.
10:19I'd love to have been in the party when they were discussing it.
10:21Shut up, you goddamn Frenchy, cheese-eating surrender monkey.
10:25Poor bloke, when he walked in that room, he was going to be very exciting.
10:28I'm a judge.
10:29And they were there drinking petrol and supercharging their chair.
10:32I know.
10:33The Shelby would be going, I don't know what a hybrid is, it's like country and western.
10:38Oh, now you've got one.
10:40You know the Ford car?
10:41Yeah.
10:42It's been around for 11 years.
10:43Has it?
10:44Yeah.
10:45Really?
10:4611 years old?
10:47And they marked that anniversary with a special, special limited edition.
10:52And here it is.
10:53It's, er, it's called the two-tone, and obviously it is two-tone.
10:56You can have, that's blazer blue, or you can have panther black, teamed with moonstone
11:01silver bumpers there.
11:03Oh.
11:04It's really...
11:05But I think I know where they got that idea from.
11:07It's actually an earlier Ford.
11:09Here it is.
11:10There, you see?
11:11That's what they...
11:12No, because that's, that's...
11:15No, because the bodywork is Dagenham Hospital white, and then that's burnt freesia door
11:20there, and this back door I think is from the Autumn Mist collection.
11:24That's an exciting special edition.
11:26Now, there's a survey from Toyota out this week, okay?
11:29And they say 72% of Europeans rate health and wellbeing as being important in a car.
11:36Well...
11:37Now that means, what they're saying is 28% of Europeans like a car to make them feel ill.
11:42That doesn't seem...
11:44Oh, I love my Mondeo, because every time I start the engine it gives me scurvy.
11:47That's a good thing in my life.
11:49I chose Porsche, because it brings on rectal prolapse.
11:52And I like it.
11:53Anyway, Toyota have come up with a car, okay?
11:56They're calling it a healthy living car, and it's designed to make you feel good.
11:59Really?
12:00And here it is.
12:01Oh, God.
12:02Yes.
12:03I wouldn't feel good in that.
12:05I feel like a prat.
12:07So...
12:08To be honest.
12:09What do you do?
12:10Pedal it?
12:11No, no, no.
12:12It's got a normal engine, but they say, okay, the steering wheel changes colour depending
12:14on what mood you're in.
12:16What?
12:17So if you get angry, it goes red.
12:19How does the steering wheel know when you're angry?
12:21Why do you want the steering wheel to tell you you're angry?
12:23You already know that, because you're frothing at the back.
12:24You feel cross.
12:25But it's quite a good thing.
12:26You know when you say to women, what's wrong?
12:27And they go, nothing.
12:28Well, there is, because you're steering wheel.
12:33Now, this here is the Honda FCX Clarity, all right?
12:40Now, this has, ready?
12:42Collision mitigation braking.
12:44Brakes.
12:45Yes.
12:46They actually analyse what collision mitigating braking system means.
12:51It does mean brakes.
12:52However, this is one of the most important cars ever launched.
12:55It's actually got a hydrogen fuel cell.
12:57So the only thing that comes out of the back of that, all that comes out is water.
13:01H2O.
13:02That's it.
13:03It's completely zero emissions.
13:04Really astonishing.
13:05Hydrogen fuel cells are actually extremely clever.
13:07Much better than batteries, because the fuel cell stack in that develops 100 kilowatts.
13:11It is.
13:12And that's, well, that would be enough for your house.
13:14Yeah.
13:15Well, it would be 100 electric fires.
13:16But in my house, I mean, even if you put lots of stuff on, like the immersion heater,
13:19the cooker, the telly, the central heating.
13:22Your electric curlers.
13:23Yeah, my electric curlers.
13:24My gramophone.
13:25And the giant flashing illuminated neon picture of Freddie Mercury.
13:29Yes.
13:30On.
13:31So that would add up to what?
13:32Well, no more than 10.
13:33No, exactly.
13:34And the point of this car is that not only is it a proper car, drives around like a normal
13:37car, but if you could plug that into your house, well, it would actually power a whole
13:40street.
13:41Easily.
13:42And only produce water.
13:43The only real problem is that, well, the only thing that we haven't got yet is a hydrogen
13:47station.
13:48And the other thing, of course, is that storing hydrogen is tricky.
13:50Yeah.
13:51But they're working on ways to make it, so you can store it on bits of metal.
13:53And actually, that brings me onto something.
13:54Children, if you're watching, school tomorrow, if you've got a science lesson and the teacher
13:59says, today we're going to do storage of hydrogen, pay attention, because whoever works
14:03that out is going to be the richest person the world has ever seen.
14:07Ever.
14:08Because, honestly, as soon as they get the infrastructure worked out, that's just it.
14:12Yep.
14:13I've mentioned this in Saudi Arabia.
14:14Time to break out your camel.
14:20It's back to carpet for you.
14:23Right, that's the end of the news, so let's move it on.
14:27You see, every week we get a stack of letters, and literally none of them ever asks, what was
14:33the first car ever to be laid out in a way that we accept as being normal now?
14:38Good.
14:39So, moving on.
14:40No, no, no, no, actually, it's a very good question that's never been asked, because,
14:43you know, we have the steering wheel in front of you, you have the clutch on the left, the
14:47brake in the middle, the throttle pedal on the right, you've got the gear stick there,
14:50and the handbrake down there, but what was the first car to be like that?
14:53Oh.
14:54No, no, honestly, James and I decided, good idea, to go down to the Bealey Motor Museum and
14:58see if we could find the answer to a question that no one is asking.
15:02Because no one cares.
15:04Yes.
15:06This is the very first car ever made, the Benz patent Motorwagen from 1896.
15:13This is Genesis.
15:15And it's absolutely nothing like the cars we know today.
15:26For a start, it has this tiller steering arrangement, which is exactly the sort of thing you'd find
15:30on a canal boat.
15:31And it also only has a single front wheel, so presumably if you're a bit too vigorous with
15:36this, the whole thing could topple over.
15:38Performance?
15:39Not great.
15:40It has a one-cylinder, one-litre engine, which gives a top speed of nine.
15:45And with a one-and-a-half-litre fuel tank, its range is only five miles.
15:51Tricky, when the petrol station hadn't been invented, but it did show the world that personal,
15:57motorised transportation was possible.
16:00three years later, the British came up with this, the Royal Enfield.
16:09That's not the brake!
16:11No!
16:13Its controls were hideously complicated, but there were some good points.
16:19This had twice the power of the Benz, two horsepower.
16:26But most important of all, it had four wheels.
16:29So what they've accidentally designed here is the quad bike.
16:36One of the biggest problems with these early cars is getting them going in the first place.
16:40The starter motor hasn't been invented yet.
16:42There's no ignition key.
16:43You have to use the starting handle.
16:46And the great thing about this particular car, the Didion Bruton,
16:50is that when you turn the handle, it will break your wrist.
16:53You what?
16:54Seven members of staff at the Motor Museum have had their wrists broken by this very car.
16:59Well, we don't actually need to drive it. We can just stand around and talk about it a bit.
17:02No, no, no. This is one of the very first cars that sold in great numbers.
17:05We have to know what it was like. You're going to have to get it going.
17:12Having got it started, we needed to get it moving.
17:15And for that, we had a copy of the original handbook,
17:18which had been translated from French, because the car was made in France, into English.
17:22Literally.
17:24For making the carriage walking at the first speed,
17:28take back the drag of the wheel backward crowbar of the right.
17:32And take completely and progressively back the crowbar of embriage to you, while you keep the direction...
17:39Hurl the mover till his starting.
17:42I can understand why this is better than going around looking at a horse's bottom.
17:53But how did anyone ever figure out how it worked?
17:57If we've established that that's the gear lever, that's the advanced thing, the ignition, that's something important.
18:05This was designed for someone with three arms and one leg.
18:09It was.
18:10But if you need to do a hill start, you have to steer it with your chest.
18:14Or your face.
18:16It will be difficult. How do I get it into top gear?
18:19For taking the second speed, push rapidly at the crowbar forward without brutality.
18:25When it is raised up again, it gains all its strength.
18:34Yes!
18:35Yeah! Top gear!
18:37Now, how do I stop?
18:38What?
18:39Well, I need to... I'm going to have to stop eventually.
18:41This road won't go on forever.
18:47Hurl the mover till... No.
18:48Seriously?
18:49I don't know, James. I don't know.
18:51You're in charge of the instructions.
18:53They're in gibberish. There's no point in relying on this.
18:55Well, come on, look at that. Embraillage.
18:57I brought them as a joke for the viewer.
18:59Oh, God, there's a...
19:01You're making the carriage completely stopped.
19:04When it goes at 15 kilometres an hour, take abruptly the crowbar of embraillage.
19:10Right.
19:11No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, listen.
19:12No, wait, you haven't got that long. Come on.
19:14When you are in first speed, push beyond, are we?
19:17James, we're going to be careful!
19:20I decided to use ingenuity.
19:23That goes in friction.
19:24I've got...
19:25What? That's neutral.
19:26I've got neutral.
19:27It's my wind reserve.
19:28Stop it!
19:29I don't know how to do it.
19:30Make it stop!
19:31I don't...
19:36Right.
19:37Oh!
19:40So, France hadn't got it right and nor had America.
19:44This is the Stevens Durea, which has eight clutches.
19:47And what kind of dullard would think that that was brilliant?
19:51That's brilliant.
19:52What's brilliant?
19:53This gearbox.
19:54Well, this is a three-speed constant mesh.
19:56So, there's a constant mesh gears.
19:57Yep.
19:58And it has selector forks.
19:59Yep.
20:00But it doesn't have dog clutches.
20:02So, that's like the brake band on an automatic gearbox.
20:05Yeah, in fact.
20:06And in a modern gearbox, one would always be loose on its shaft, either the input shaft or the lay shaft.
20:11That's 1903 and that is basically what...
20:15You might imagine that the first car to get everything in the right order was the first car ever to be mass produced.
20:21The Model T Ford.
20:23By the time it went out of production in 1927, half the cars in the world were Model Ts.
20:30So, you'd imagine that all the cars that came along afterwards would be laid out in the same way.
20:35Luckily, they weren't.
20:38Honestly, I'm glad this didn't catch on because driving a Model T is more complicated than doing eye surgery.
20:47It's almost as though Henry Ford was being, I don't know, deliberately accused.
20:52Because to make it move, you have to up the revs with the accelerator, which is here on the steering wheel, there.
20:59Then you move the handbrake to the middle, which somehow puts the car in neutral.
21:04And then depress the lap pedal.
21:07Yeah!
21:12The only problem is, to maintain this speed, I have to keep my foot pressed hard down on what feels like a very, very heavy clutch pedal.
21:22And the pain in my thigh is excruciating.
21:26The only way round this is to change into top gear.
21:30Now, to do that, we have to go faster.
21:32Push this lever, the handbrake, that isn't a handbrake all the way down.
21:36Then I can take my foot off that pedal.
21:39Now, the speed shoots up, whether you like it or not, to about 40.
21:43And 40 on wooden wheels in a world with hardly any roads is terrifying.
21:48Jeremy and I were beginning to believe we'd never find the first car with what we'd now call conventional controls.
21:58But then we stumbled on this.
22:03The Cadillac Type 53 from 1916.
22:07Look!
22:08A handbrake and a gear lever in the middle of the car and three pedals in the right order.
22:13And better still, no starting handle, no broken rests.
22:17This was the first car to come with one of these.
22:24This may look as old-fashioned as all the other nonsense from the early days of motoring,
22:29but what we have here is the Nub, the first properly modern car.
22:34The thing is that nobody knew when this came along that they had actually hit on what would become the template for all cars in the future.
22:47Exactly.
22:48This bright idea could easily have been slapped out by the next bright idea.
22:51No, but what made this bright idea stick was that a British chap called Herbert Austin,
22:56who I'm sure you know came along, copied all the ideas and put them on his car for the people,
23:02which was, of course, the 7.
23:05The 7, exactly.
23:12This car cost just £125, four times less than the Cadillac.
23:17What's more, it was built under licence by BMW in Germany and copied, too, by Datsun in Japan.
23:24This car, then, the little Austin 7, took Cadillac's bright idea, showed it to the world and made it stick.
23:36Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Broccoli and Tony Mason there.
23:49No, no, thanks.
23:51Really, thanks, lads, for wasting nine minutes of my life.
23:55No, no, I'll tell you something else really interesting about this whole...
23:58Not with a kitchen knife sticking through your neck, it won't.
24:00No, seriously, during the war...
24:02Oh, well, no, not James May on the war!
24:05Please, isn't it time you put a star in our reasonably-priced car?
24:08It is time we put a star in the reasonably-priced car.
24:11My guest tonight once sang about a semi by the sea,
24:14and, funnily enough, James May once had a similar experience
24:17when a dreadnought sailed by.
24:19Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!
24:23James Blunt!
24:26Yes!
24:27How are you?
24:29I'm well, well.
24:30So, you've taken two years to get here.
24:33Have a seat.
24:35Excellent.
24:40I'm honoured that you should come down, and thank you for that.
24:42Well, thanks, it's been a nice day out.
24:44Good, good.
24:45Because you're the first guest we've ever had who can drive a tank.
24:48Yeah, I think you'll see in a minute that I can't drive a car, though.
24:51Yes, but, you see, your problem is, is your car history's rubbish.
24:55I mean, we sometimes have guests on who have just had appalling car histories,
24:59but yours, I think you've only owned, is it one car?
25:02I have, I'm afraid to say, on this programme, of all programmers,
25:05I owned a Lada Riva.
25:09And I haven't finished, actually.
25:10It was a Lada Riva SL, 1300.
25:13SL's for slightly luxurious.
25:16It was Racing Red, or Ferrari Red, whichever you guys choose.
25:19They weren't bad cars, those Lada Rivas.
25:21Yeah, I mean, actually, it did have bucket seats,
25:23and I installed an enormous great stereo in it,
25:25which, sadly, was nicked one day,
25:27which I think is actually probably even more embarrassing
25:29than owning the Lada was to nick the stereo.
25:31And why have you never replaced it with another car?
25:34Because presumably you could afford one now.
25:36Because I owned a motorbike after that, Jeremy.
25:38Oh, did you?
25:39Yeah, a motogazine.
25:40I didn't know you were homosexual.
25:41Yes, absolutely.
25:44Most of my songs are about you.
25:51Oh, God, no.
25:56I've got all kinds of lyrics going through my head now.
25:59Which bit of the army were you in?
26:01I was in the Lifeguards, which is part of the Household Cavalry,
26:03so reconnaissance, and that's why we had very small tanks.
26:06Were they, like, diet tanks?
26:08Yeah, a scimitar.
26:09So a main battle tank's about 77 tonnes,
26:11and mine was about 4 tonnes.
26:13Did you see in the paper on Wednesday,
26:16they're talking about now the EU is saying
26:17that there's got to be emissions legislation
26:19for military vehicles.
26:21Did you see that?
26:22I have heard about this, yeah.
26:23We're going green in the army.
26:25But how can you worry about what the pipe at the back,
26:28when the pipe at the front is...
26:30There's depleted uranium coming out of that one.
26:33Yeah, I know, but look.
26:34We're just trying to make war a little bit safer, I think.
26:37Yeah.
26:40It's a good job, really, you aren't in the army now,
26:42I have to say that.
26:43Yeah, it's a pretty miserable time, I think, to be in the army.
26:46They're working incredibly hard, doing a really tough job,
26:49and not under great circumstances.
26:51No, I mean, yes, because there's, you know,
26:52the covenant that's supposed to exist between us and them.
26:55Yeah.
26:56I was saying it's gone.
26:57Because I was talking to one the other day,
26:58a chap called Mark, who came,
26:59who's had his leg blown off in Iraq.
27:01And he came back and all we gave him was MRSA.
27:04Yeah.
27:05Which, you know, I don't think that's really fair.
27:07No.
27:08I know you're a patron for Help for Heroes as well.
27:10Yeah, I know you are too.
27:11Which I do the same thing, and it's really just because...
27:13There aren't many funds, really, for the army,
27:14and particularly for equipment,
27:16but also even more important for those who get injured
27:19and maimed when they come back.
27:20Now, you were in the... Is it Army Skiing Team?
27:23So that's... Cavalry Skiing Team.
27:25Yeah, so they sent me skiing for about three months every single year.
27:28It's not all fun, fun, fun.
27:31No, it's hard work.
27:33And didn't they name a chairlift after you in Peruvian?
27:35I had a chairlift named after me, yeah.
27:37Because you spent so much time...
27:38I had to, you know, crack a bottle of champagne on it and say,
27:40I named this chairlift James Blunt, God bless her, and all who ride me.
27:43But you did actually have to go into Kosovo, didn't you?
27:48I mean, it wasn't all...
27:49Yeah, in 99, during the war, the bombing campaign
27:52and the peacekeeping afterwards.
27:54Was it very horrible?
27:55Yeah, it was, you know, war's a pretty miserable place, actually,
27:57and so was the Albanians...
27:59Kosovo Albanians and the Serbs murdering each other.
28:02Because you were actually... Were you the first in?
28:04Across the border, yeah, and the first one to Pristina
28:06with my trooper soldiers.
28:07Really?
28:08Yeah.
28:09The very first one in. That's quite something.
28:10And you had your guitar on your tank at the time.
28:12I had my guitar strapped to the outside.
28:14I did want to keep it. It's a precious guitar.
28:15I wanted it on the inside, but I was told by my superiors
28:17I had to keep their soldiers on the inside.
28:19Couldn't...
28:20Wasn't allowed to strap them on the outside.
28:23And you just made sweet music in there.
28:26Um, do you inhale helium before you sing,
28:28or is that just how it pans out?
28:30I was fed it as a child.
28:32Fed helium?
28:33Yes.
28:34I think, actually, if I sang and inhaled helium,
28:36it would be beyond the human ears register, wouldn't it?
28:39Only... only dogs would hear it, so...
28:41No! Make it stop!
28:42Because you do actually take the mick out of your own songs at gigs,
28:45don't you?
28:46Well, have you heard them?
28:48It's...
28:49Now, let's just get this.
28:51I'm confused by this.
28:53Genuinely okay.
28:54Your first album sold, what, 12 million?
28:56Something like that,
28:57although my mother bought about a million of those,
28:58so I did have a helping hand.
28:59I've got a million.
29:00We have a warehouse about the size of this,
29:02full of my albums.
29:03And then the new one, All the Lost Souls,
29:05that is... well, that's flying out, isn't it?
29:07So why are you voted number four
29:09in the list of the hundred most irritating things in Britain?
29:12That really pisses me off, actually.
29:14I thought I'd at least do better than that.
29:16No, exactly.
29:18You did beat traffic wardens,
29:20and you beat men in flip-flops.
29:22Well, I'll tell you, next year.
29:24I'm going for the number one or two spot.
29:27Climb it up.
29:28You have packed a lot into your life.
29:30Obviously, there's the army stuff.
29:32You had a pilot licence at 16.
29:34Do you still fly?
29:35I'm normally just in the back of the plane.
29:36In fact, if you ever found yourself in a plane with me,
29:38you should jump out.
29:40Why did you go and learn to fly?
29:42My dad's a helicopter pilot.
29:43Oh, is he?
29:44In the Army Air Corps.
29:45What did he fly? Lynxes?
29:46Yeah, Lynx and Cazelle scout before that.
29:49Which, they're still flying now out in Iraq.
29:51Yeah, exactly.
29:52In fact, my brother-in-law who's here tonight has got a scout as well.
29:55He's got one or he flies one?
29:56No, he's got a scout.
29:57He flies one and he's got one.
29:58I found him on eBay.
29:59What?
30:00You found your brother-in-law on eBay?
30:02Your brother-in-law on eBay.
30:03You found a scout on eBay?
30:04No, no.
30:05What happened was,
30:06I found my sister, who again is here tonight,
30:08crying in the flat
30:09because she couldn't get to a funeral in Southern Ireland
30:11because the planes were on strike
30:13and the ferries were out of season.
30:14Obviously, no trains to Cork in Southern Ireland,
30:16so I put my sister on eBay as a damsel in distress,
30:20needs a knight in shining armour.
30:22What can you do?
30:23And this fool started bidding amongst others.
30:25So, you put your sister on eBay?
30:27Yeah.
30:28And in a way, he bid and bid amongst others
30:31and he won, he had a helicopter scout
30:33so he could fly her to the funeral
30:35and some six months ago they got married.
30:37No way!
30:38Yeah.
30:39You put your sister on eBay and now she's married?
30:41And I have a second,
30:42I have a second sister who will be online shortly.
30:44Okay.
30:45What?
30:46Starting price, five pounds.
30:48This is what they do in Thailand, isn't it?
30:51That's fantastic.
30:52And then, and then slightly portly men in Barnsley buy them.
30:55Yeah, you must have met him.
31:00Right, now, come on.
31:01Um, your lap.
31:02How, how was it?
31:03It was great fun.
31:04I, I don't think I damaged the car too much.
31:06Were you frightened?
31:07No, I really enjoyed it.
31:08It was really great fun.
31:09Because do you like speed?
31:10I mean, bearing on, there was the bikes and the skiing
31:11and all the cities.
31:12No, I really enjoyed going, going faster now.
31:13And it was, it was great fun day.
31:14I really had fun.
31:15Stig is great.
31:16Uh, okay, now, who'd like to see the lap?
31:18Yeah!
31:19Okay, let's play the tape.
31:20Here we go.
31:23Good to Max from Tramp there or whatever it is
31:25in a front wheel drive car.
31:26Come on, you little f**k!
31:30Enthusiastic!
31:31Up to the 100s.
31:32Here's the yellow marker!
31:34What yellow marker?
31:35You're seeing things.
31:36That's good.
31:37That's very good.
31:38Very neat.
31:39And very neat again.
31:41Ooh, looking worried.
31:42Are you worried?
31:43Jeez, very worried.
31:44You all right in there?
31:45Oh my God, I'm...
31:46What's...
31:47It's absolutely terrifying.
31:48Did you look like that in the tank?
31:49Look, when you were first in...
31:50Right, here we go now.
31:51About the 50.
31:52No surrender.
31:53Right.
31:54Good.
31:55That's very nice.
31:56There's a huge great jet over there.
31:57No, concentrate on the track, man.
31:58Not the scenery.
31:59Now, here we go.
32:00That's very quick for you there.
32:01Second to last corner.
32:02Are we going to get around that properly?
32:03Yes.
32:04Cutting it nicely into Gambon.
32:05Here we go.
32:06Wow!
32:07That's nicely held.
32:08Very good.
32:09And there we are across the line.
32:11Yeah.
32:12Great.
32:13Yay!
32:14That's nice.
32:15Good.
32:16That's very nice.
32:17There's a huge great jet over there.
32:18No, concentrate on the track, man.
32:20Not the scenery.
32:21Now, here you go.
32:22That's very quick for you there.
32:23Second to last corner.
32:24Are we going to get around that properly?
32:25Yes.
32:26Cutting it nicely into Gambon.
32:27Here we go.
32:28Wooar!
32:29Nicely held.
32:30Very good.
32:31And there we are, across the line!
32:33Here are the peeps who've been round so far in the Uliceti.
32:45Any idea where you think you might have come?
32:47Bearing in mind it was jolly wet out there.
32:49The only wet ones we've had, which are the ones to matter,
32:52are Jamie Oliver is wet and Philip Glenister did a wet one.
32:56Well, yeah. I mean, close to Jamie, if I'm...
32:59OK, well, there you are.
33:01So you did it in one minute...
33:0648.3 seconds.
33:12Ladies and gentlemen, a quick time for a...
33:14I'll put a wet on it.
33:16A wet...
33:18Those 48.3 there.
33:23So you're pleased with that? I mean, you should be, because that's a wet lap.
33:26Yeah, just above Billy Piper.
33:28Who wouldn't want to be there?
33:31It's been an absolute pleasure having you here.
33:33Thank you very much.
33:33Superstar. And I do like better, and I like the new album as well.
33:36So thanks very much, ladies and gentlemen.
33:37James Blanche!
33:39Thanks for all time.
33:40And that was a good time.
33:45Now, it's fair to say that I'm not exactly a Formula One motor racing fan.
33:50I was sitting in the office the other day, wondering aloud why they're all paid so much just for sitting down behind a steering wheel.
33:57I may even have said out loud, how hard can it be?
34:00So someone decided it might be a good idea for me to go and find out.
34:04This is the Renault R25, as the car that won Fernando Alonso a world championship.
34:19It's one of the all-time F1 greats.
34:22The R25 is also the last of the breed from the monstrous V10 era, when the cars were chucking out close to 1,000 horsepower.
34:34Now, there's going to be no Top Gear nonsense today.
34:36I'm not going to race it against a cheetah or a bat on a superbike.
34:39My mission is simply to get that round a track.
34:45Specifically, two laps around Stowe's Circuit at Silverstone.
34:50More specifically, two laps without stuffing a priceless world championship-winning F1 car.
34:57Now, to put all this into context, the fastest road car I've ever driven is the Bugatti Veyron,
35:04which has a power-to-weight ratio of 530 horsepower per tonne.
35:09But the power-to-weight ratio of this is 1,500 horsepower per tonne.
35:18But it's not just the numbers.
35:20Nothing can prepare your mind, your senses, your body, your reaction times for the assault of a Formula One car.
35:30So, before the assault, it was back to school.
35:34My teacher would be race team boss Jonathan Lewis,
35:36and my first lesson would be in one of his little Formula Renault cars.
35:41It's very simple, really.
35:43Well, it looks like a Formula One car to me, only a bit smaller and not quite as fit.
35:47Okay, well, it is. It is a baby Formula car.
35:50As a Veyron veteran, I was keen to show him what I could do.
36:03Still, the Formula Renault only has a piddly two-litre engine from a clear,
36:08so mastering it should be easy.
36:12Right, I'm going to try and gas it a bit down the street.
36:14I've never let a complete novice go out in one of our cars before.
36:31The Formula Renault has only one-fifth the power of an F1 car,
36:35and I now realised the size of the mountain I had to climb.
36:41First time I've ever experienced what proper brakes are.
36:45It just hits a wall.
36:47And just as I was getting used to this car,
36:50I was shoved into its bigger brother.
36:53A World Series car with twice the power of the Formula Renault.
36:57It's going quiet.
37:03And no wonder, the straight-line speed I could cope with.
37:07But in the corners, I just couldn't think fast enough to react.
37:11Equip!
37:13I must have trapped in!
37:22It's just so...
37:23There's so much to learn.
37:25I can't drive fast enough to get the heat in the brakes,
37:28and then there's no brakes.
37:29I've just grappled with, what, 500 brake horsepower and a 500-kilo car,
37:33and I'm halfway there.
37:34I was summoned to look at the readouts from my on-board telemetry.
37:38You're riding the brake,
37:40and you're riding the accelerator, believe it or not.
37:42That's because I'm doing left foot braking.
37:44Yeah.
37:44And then the other thing is,
37:45you've been quite severe on one of the downshifts,
37:47and you've actually put eight and a half on the motor.
37:49If I'd done what I did on that lap in a Formula One car,
37:54what would have happened?
37:55You'd have probably spun it and wrecked the engine.
37:58What's an engine rebuild on a Formula One car?
38:00Probably about 150,000, 200,000 more.
38:07I needed lots more time in the World Series car,
38:10but that wasn't going to happen.
38:15Because my muscles were struggling to cope with the cornering forces.
38:19His neck will go soon, so he needs to drive the Formula One.
38:29Before I moved on, Yoda gave me a pep talk.
38:34Everything you experience in the World Series car
38:36is probably going to be more than three times as much,
38:40maybe more, in the Formula One.
38:42I was running, my thinking time, that was my problem,
38:45when I had a bit of an off.
38:46It's because I thought I'd left it too late to brake,
38:49then I realised I hadn't.
38:51But because I was thinking that,
38:52the car was already round the corner when I was in the wrong gear,
38:54and I spanned it.
38:55I can't think faster than that, more than anything else.
38:58You're going to have to really concentrate, Richard, especially with that thing.
39:02If you think that's hard, that's going to be another level.
39:04My fear wasn't just about the speed.
39:09It was about what I was going to be entrusted with.
39:12The more time you spend hanging around with one of these things,
39:14the more otherworldly it becomes.
39:17I mean, let's talk about the money, because we can all understand that, right?
39:19The engine, £170,000.
39:22The gearbox casing, with no gears in it, £60,000.
39:26The wing, £20,000.
39:29But those are all the big bits.
39:31It's still off this planet when you get to the little bits and pieces
39:33you've got on your car at home.
39:34So, the wheel, though.
39:35Look, there it is.
39:37£500.
39:38And then for the socket to remove it, £1,000.
39:41And look, the mirror.
39:42It's just that little thing.
39:44£800.
39:45And the steering wheel, £30,000.
39:49And it isn't just the money, either.
39:52This thing is not just expensive, it's quite incredibly fragile and highly strung.
39:58So the engine, the tolerances in here, are so fine that when it's cold,
40:03it's effectively seized solid.
40:05You can't start it cold.
40:06It has to be heated up.
40:07And they do that by constantly pumping warm water around it
40:10when it's in the pits at 80 degrees.
40:11And you can't put cold oil in, either.
40:13It has to be warm and fed intravenously.
40:15It's like it's on a life support machine.
40:24That's snug.
40:27If you're 10, I'm doing this on your behalf.
40:30You're in here with me.
40:33So, now I've got control of the crock.
40:36That's me.
40:37Dear God, that's me running a Formula One engine.
40:40The eyes of the whole F1 team were upon me.
40:46This was it.
40:47It had taken me a minute to do 40 feet.
41:12Are we going all the way back here?
41:18Is it all of that?
41:19Here's the problem with this stalling.
41:21I know it's very funny and everything, but the car has a system,
41:24because if you're stalling F1, it's a disaster.
41:26So, as you're setting off, if it thinks you haven't got enough power,
41:29it just cuts the clutch in again, and you just look an idiot.
41:33Eight anti-stalls.
41:36That's a record there, isn't it?
41:37After the team had laughed at me and warmed the tyres to make them more grippy,
41:43they sent me on my way.
41:45Oh, God.
41:48It feels totally different to the other car.
41:52Totally different.
41:53I'm telling you, my God, I'm in a Formula One car.
41:56I'm going to try the Falcon 2.
41:57Oh, my God, oh, my God!
42:02Holy mother!
42:04There's no temperature in the brakes!
42:11In the half a lap I'd managed, the car had made a big impression.
42:17It's absolutely the most glorious machine in the world.
42:23Wait till you get into second.
42:24I'm going as fast as I feel I can,
42:27and it's not fast enough to keep heating the tyres,
42:29which means I've got no grip, let alone no downforce.
42:32If I go a bit faster than that,
42:34that means there'll still be no heat in the tyres and no downforce,
42:37and I'm going even faster, and I will crash.
42:39The only way from where I am now is a lot faster.
42:42Then I'll have heat in the tyres and grip, and I won't crash.
42:48And to make things worse,
42:50the man with my telemetry was hardly a bag of laughs.
42:53There's a big gap between where you're lifting off and when you're braking.
42:56So you should be coming straight off the accelerator
42:58and going straight on the brakes straight away.
43:01There's no need to have a big gap in there.
43:02Can you say a big gap? How big a gap is it?
43:05Half a second between you lifting off before you're going on the brakes.
43:09It should be straight away.
43:12He was right, though.
43:13If I was going to do two laps in this thing, I had to dig deep.
43:19I've got to think about everything I've learned.
43:24Oh, God! Oh, God!
43:27That's unbelievable!
43:31There's so much...
43:32There's... There's just golden men through.
43:34There's no temperature in the brakes.
43:37They feel like they're not working.
43:39Oh, this is awful dream.
43:49I've done a lap.
43:50Just one more.
43:51I suspect the chief mechanic had seen better.
44:05But as far as I was concerned,
44:07I'm driving God.
44:08And the most scary thing
44:09in the whole world.
44:12The last corner is coming up.
44:15I'm braking.
44:16We're turning left.
44:17I'm in second.
44:18I'm going to nail it for the ride.
44:19I'm going to nail it, I'm going to nail it, I'm going to nail it.
44:26Holy crap!
44:36To mark the occasion,
44:38the technicians let the engine play its party piece.
44:42We'll show you!
44:44We'll show you!
44:46Yes!
44:55Yes!
44:55That's it!
44:56That's it!
44:57Thank you, please.
44:57Hold on.
44:58James...
44:59Oh, yeah?
44:59Yes!
45:08That's it.
45:10That's it.
45:12James, I happen to know...
45:15No, no, no, really, I happen to know that after a while,
45:18when you'd been in the Formula One car,
45:20they had to pull it in to reheat the tyres
45:22because he was driving so slowly they were cooling down.
45:25Yeah, that did happen.
45:27I experienced full throttle in a Formula One car.
45:30Give him his due, he did use full throttle.
45:33For 0.2 seconds.
45:36Anyway, it's now time to meet another guest,
45:40and this one can drive a Formula One car,
45:42even though he's only eight years old.
45:44Ladies and gentlemen, Lewis Hamilton!
45:46CHEERING
45:48How are you?
45:51Great to see you.
45:53Have a seat.
45:55He's here.
45:57He has come among us.
46:01This is what I think you can call a friendly audience.
46:03It is.
46:04Thank you very much for the warm welcome.
46:05Yeah, you don't have to worry about that.
46:06It is a bit cold in here, though.
46:07It is cold in here.
46:08I'm surprised.
46:09It keeps us sharp.
46:10I know you guys make a lot of money.
46:11Couldn't you afford a heater or something?
46:12No.
46:13Because we have all the money.
46:14Ah.
46:15Anyway, I want to start really by offering,
46:16I guess all of us will do the same,
46:18big congratulations for an astonishing first year.
46:20Thank you very much.
46:21I have to start with that,
46:22because that's genuinely amazing.
46:24Are you as amazed as we all are, I suppose?
46:26I am, absolutely,
46:27because who would have thought?
46:29I'm just your average guy,
46:31and just got an amazing opportunity to come to Formula One,
46:34and I managed to just lose the championship right at the end,
46:39but still, it was an amazing year.
46:40So when you arrived in Formula One,
46:42okay, the beginning of the year,
46:43it was Australia, wasn't it, the first race?
46:44Yeah.
46:45Are you expected to behave like a new boy?
46:46You know, yes, sir, no, sir.
46:47Yeah, I think so.
46:48I think for sure,
46:49everyone expects you,
46:50this is a new kid,
46:51he doesn't know what he's doing,
46:52and, um, you know,
46:53it's going to be a breeze to pass,
46:54and that wasn't the case.
46:56Well, it wasn't,
46:57because first race you overtook Eyebrow Man.
47:02And the second one,
47:03you put one on Massa, didn't you?
47:04It was the second race?
47:05I think it was.
47:06Massa and Kimi.
47:07Was Kimi drunk?
47:08I don't know.
47:09I should have asked him, actually,
47:10because he was,
47:11he was really on the left.
47:12It's Malaysia,
47:13and he was just on the left,
47:14and probably didn't imagine
47:16I would break,
47:17I'll break him up the inside,
47:18but.
47:19Singing Sham 69 songs.
47:20We're going down the pub.
47:21Arry up, arry, come on.
47:23Arry, arry.
47:24Who was that?
47:25As that new boy's gone past.
47:27Um,
47:28we've just been watching Richard Hammond
47:29making a complete plot of himself,
47:31frankly, in a Formula One car.
47:32Yeah, but are they,
47:33are these things hard to drive?
47:35They are.
47:36They're very, very hard.
47:37High speed,
47:38when you're doing 150,
47:39180 miles an hour,
47:40and you're through a corner
47:41and you just hit a bump.
47:42You try to correct it,
47:43and the thing will,
47:44you know,
47:45it will shoot you off, so.
47:46Are you fearless?
47:47Because I think you've already said,
47:48haven't you,
47:49if you're going to die on the track,
47:50so be it.
47:51Yeah.
47:52Kind of attitude.
47:53I don't,
47:54I don't think,
47:55I'm not looking to waste my life,
47:56but you know,
47:57I've never had that,
47:58the problem of being scared,
47:59you know.
48:00You never ever think,
48:01what if a wheel comes off now?
48:02You know,
48:03I've had that problem this year,
48:04a couple of times.
48:05Well, quite.
48:06It is actually,
48:07quite exciting,
48:08when you're flying,
48:09you know,
48:10head first into a barrier.
48:11The initial part,
48:12the initial part is actually quite,
48:14no it is,
48:15especially when you hit the gravel trap,
48:16and you get some air as well,
48:17you know,
48:18it's pretty cool.
48:19But then you hit,
48:20you see it coming,
48:21you're like,
48:22it's gonna hurt.
48:23I had a really good one this year,
48:24which is the beginning of the season,
48:25and this car,
48:26the team worked very hard
48:27to get two brand new cars out
48:28for the first test,
48:29and I shunted it.
48:30So 180 miles an hour,
48:31backwards into the wall,
48:32and I,
48:33I remember going over the gravel backwards,
48:34thinking,
48:35okay, this is gonna hurt,
48:36and just bracing myself,
48:37and I put my head back,
48:38and it was actually quite a nice shunt.
48:40It was...
48:41You just watched Die Hard 4,
48:44that's exciting.
48:46So who do you want to be
48:47your team mate next year?
48:48I mean,
48:49somebody useless, presumably.
48:50You want a job?
48:53No, I can't fit in.
48:56I would!
49:00It'd be embarrassing.
49:03First race, you'd be like,
49:04oh, the fat bloke's gonna be useless,
49:06and it would be just the same history.
49:07Yeah.
49:08I'd come flying past you.
49:09Oh.
49:10Screaming.
49:11But do you want,
49:12do you want someone,
49:13everybody presumably wants somebody.
49:14No.
49:15I, I, honestly,
49:16I, having this year,
49:17having someone that could push me all the way
49:18was wicked.
49:19You know,
49:20so much for him.
49:21For now.
49:22He's a bloody good driver,
49:23I tell you.
49:24Yeah, I could have him.
49:25I did once,
49:26on the Oxford Ring Road.
49:27Honestly,
49:28he was doing like 80,
49:29I came past,
49:30about 85.
49:31No, 65,
49:32I was doing 70.
49:33That hasn't worked,
49:34has it?
49:35No.
49:36Erm,
49:37when you're driving now,
49:38I mean,
49:39obviously your dad's been very much a part
49:40of the build-up of your whole career,
49:41I mean, he's here now.
49:42Does he still tell you how to drive,
49:43like all dads do,
49:44if you're driving along with him?
49:45Everywhere on the road or something like that,
49:46you know,
49:47he, he, he truly believes he's a better driver than me.
49:49And that,
49:50if he had,
49:51if he had been given the opportunity,
49:52he would be in Form 1 right now.
49:53So what have you got a Mercedes?
49:54Have you got one of those CLs?
49:55No,
49:56you know what,
49:57I drive, erm,
49:58a GL 500.
49:59Oh.
50:00Sorry, a GL 420.
50:01What?
50:02It's a diesel.
50:03It's,
50:04it's,
50:05it's,
50:06it's a pit wagon.
50:07It's, you know.
50:08It's the fuel of Satan, man.
50:10You can get,
50:11you can fit 24 inch rims on it,
50:12and just lean back and drive, man.
50:14That's,
50:15that's all you need on the road.
50:16What are you saying about yourself?
50:18Now,
50:19there's one thing that we've noticed,
50:20is that,
50:21Martin Brundle,
50:22we've noticed that every time you
50:25don't do so well in a race,
50:26Brundle has talked to you,
50:27but,
50:28Talked to me,
50:29yeah.
50:30I have.
50:31I think he's bitter.
50:32Yeah.
50:33I think he's undoing things on your car.
50:35I still believe that's what's going on.
50:37Hit him.
50:38No, I mean...
50:39Actually,
50:40who'd win a fist fight of all the British drivers?
50:43Erm...
50:46Well,
50:47I used to do boxing,
50:48I used to do karate as well, so...
50:49Of course, you're black belt, aren't you?
50:50Yeah.
50:51I'm more into defending myself though,
50:52so...
50:53You wouldn't want to hit Coulthard,
50:54or that?
50:55Probably break your wrists.
50:57Probably break your hand, wouldn't you?
50:59Yeah.
51:00And there's stubble as well.
51:01And...
51:02Oh, now,
51:03you know when you look at a Formula One car,
51:04obviously every gram that you can save,
51:06you save.
51:07I mean, there is just no excess fat on it.
51:09Yeah.
51:10How come Jenson Button's allowed to have a beard?
51:13Seriously,
51:14because that got away.
51:15All the effort the designer makes,
51:17and then he turns out with all that face fungus.
51:19I tell him,
51:20well, you haven't started shaving yet,
51:21so you won't know it.
51:22I've got a little bit going.
51:24Really?
51:25Have you got pubes yet?
51:32No, honestly,
51:33it does,
51:34they grow,
51:35it's ugly.
51:36Anyway,
51:37obviously,
51:38we now have to arrive...
51:39Cool.
51:40...this...
51:41...this point.
51:42Yeah.
51:43...are the Formula One people,
51:44who have been here before.
51:45Obviously, the Stig heads the board,
51:46144.4.
51:47Um,
51:48Ansel Jenson Button,
51:49Dill.
51:50Yeah.
51:51And then,
51:52Mark Webber.
51:53Now, Mark Webber was the only one who came here
51:54when it was wet,
51:55and I believe it's wet out there.
51:56Well, it's very slippery out there,
51:57and as you said,
51:58someone came along and put some oil on the track.
51:59Was it Mark?
52:00No.
52:01Well, seriously,
52:02earlier today we had the Vauxhall VXR8 going round,
52:04which is Australian.
52:05Yeah.
52:06And the only person you're really racing is Mark Webber,
52:08who is Australian.
52:10Now,
52:11came down and undid the diff on the Vauxhall,
52:13but it was spewing oil all over the track.
52:15So you've got oil and water out there.
52:17So,
52:18really,
52:19that's the time you're aiming for,
52:20is 1.47.1.
52:21I went back to be a bit nervous about it,
52:23because I had some fun out there, actually.
52:25But,
52:26I'm not here to compete.
52:27Let's see what goes on.
52:28Yeah, right.
52:29I'm here to have fun.
52:30Who would like to see the lap?
52:32Yeah!
52:33Play the tape.
52:34Here we go.
52:35Oh,
52:36that's an aggressive start.
52:38Want to spin into second gear?
52:40Come on.
52:41Ha, ha, ha!
52:42Let's have a look.
52:44Let's have a look.
52:45Where are you using the Stigs line?
52:47Or,
52:48no,
52:49that's where the Stigs says you should go.
52:50All the other F1 drivers do it different than that.
52:52Go out wide.
52:53That wasn't too bad.
52:55Give it 8.10.
52:57And then,
52:58into Chicago.
52:59A little bit sideways.
53:00Yeah,
53:01getting sideways on the way,
53:02and that was very nice and super tight round there.
53:04Now,
53:05come on,
53:06man.
53:0756 miles an hour.
53:08What the?
53:0956 is quick.
53:11Now,
53:12this is where everyone goes.
53:13God.
53:14Well,
53:15that's quite,
53:16sort of,
53:17slow and tidy through there.
53:18I was expecting more flamboyance.
53:19Now,
53:20here we go.
53:21Look at the grip.
53:22It won't.
53:23It won't.
53:24It won't.
53:25It won't.
53:26It won't.
53:27There we are,
53:28across.
53:29Oh,
53:30you've gone for the slippery inside bit there.
53:31And...
53:32Are you taking this seriously?
53:37I've never seen anyone so lackadaisical about it.
53:40Whoa!
53:41That was,
53:42lackadaisical,
53:43but sideways.
53:44And coming up to Gambon now.
53:45And that's pretty,
53:46pretty flamboyant.
53:47And,
53:48there we are.
53:49Across the line.
53:50So...
53:59Quicker or slower?
54:01What do you think?
54:03Mark's a quick guy.
54:05Okay,
54:06you did it.
54:07Not competitive.
54:09One minute.
54:13And,
54:14bearing in mind,
54:15this is on a track covered in water and oil.
54:1844.7.
54:21No.
54:27And that's wet.
54:28And oil.
54:29How did he do that?
54:32Seriously,
54:33I have to know.
54:34I have to know because everybody out there,
54:36including,
54:37I have to say,
54:38even the Stig,
54:39has to know,
54:40how did he do that.
54:42I don't know.
54:43Because...
54:44No,
54:45because that's...
54:46He's done a 44.4,
54:47and let's be honest,
54:48he knows this place like the back of his...
54:50Well, he hasn't got hands,
54:51but you know what I mean?
54:52He knows this place extremely well,
54:54okay?
54:55You come down on a wet,
54:56oily track and do a 44.7,
54:57and you weren't even...
54:58I mean, we saw you,
54:59woo, woo, woo,
55:00singing.
55:02The car's good,
55:03you know?
55:04The car's crap, man,
55:05you know that.
55:06Do you think you could go faster than that?
55:08So you're going to invite me back
55:09to do it on a dry day,
55:10you know?
55:11In the summer?
55:12I would absolutely love it if you'd come,
55:13I think everybody would.
55:14It's just been such a pleasure.
55:16Well, I'm rooting for you next year,
55:17I dare say everybody here
55:18is going to be rooting for you.
55:19Ladies and gentlemen,
55:20Lewis Hamilton!
55:21Amazing.
55:22Astonishing.
55:23And that, sadly,
55:24is all we've got time for.
55:25We have to end the show.
55:26Good night.
55:27No, no, no.
55:28There's more on car controls.
55:29God.
55:30No, honestly, okay,
55:31earlier when we looked at the past,
55:32and now it's time to look at the future.
55:34Really?
55:35No, because BMW, okay,
55:36they called this up,
55:37and they said they've built a car
55:38that doesn't need any controls at all.
55:40So how does it work?
55:41Well, they say,
55:42okay,
55:43they've built a car that doesn't need
55:45any controls at all.
55:46So how does it work?
55:48Well, they say,
55:49okay,
55:51they bring it to our track,
55:52and then it would go,
55:53they'd show it round,
55:54and then it would use really clever sat nav
55:56to work out where it was
55:58so it could remember all the corners.
56:00Really?
56:01Yeah, exactly.
56:02Really.
56:03I mean,
56:04I had to go and have a look.
56:08This is the most important car ever
56:10in the whole of automotive history.
56:12Probably.
56:14It's a four-door BMW 330 saloon,
56:17and what I'm going to do now
56:18is take it for a spin.
56:23BMW say that because this car
56:25has now learned our track,
56:27it can actually do a full-bore smoking
56:30pedal to the metal lap.
56:32The only thing is,
56:33they say, look,
56:34if you're going to do that,
56:35would you mind awfully sitting behind the wheel
56:36just in case something goes wrong?
56:40No.
56:41In case something goes wrong.
56:43I can't believe I'm going to do this.
56:45I can't believe it.
56:46I can't believe it.
56:49Right.
56:50My foot is on the brake.
56:52I'm now going to push this little button
56:53on the steering wheel here,
56:54and it will set off at race speed.
56:59Here we go.
57:09Now, you see, that's uncanny.
57:12It's revving up to 7,000 RPM,
57:14changing gear.
57:15It's turned right.
57:16It's coming to the first corner.
57:17Brake, please.
57:18Brake!
57:19Brake!
57:20Brake!
57:21Brake!
57:22Brake!
57:23It is!
57:24I can't believe this!
57:28Now, we go to the tyres 100 kilometres an hour.
57:30That's 62 as we brake to turn into Chicago.
57:35As we steam towards the Hammerhead now,
57:38100 miles an hour.
57:40And it's going to go harder than the brakes.
57:42It has.
57:43There it is.
57:44I'm not doing that.
57:45My foot is still nowhere near the pedals.
57:46It's turning in.
57:49Imagine if the British had built this.
57:51Ah, well, we didn't get it quite right.
57:53That's what happened there.
57:54We just missed that little bit here.
57:56No.
57:57Is it going to lift for the follow-through?
57:59We're now up to 130 kph.
58:01140.
58:02Apparently, you can even put this on an M3
58:04if you really want to frighten yourself to death.
58:07Coming up to the tyres.
58:08Here we go.
58:09120.
58:10130.
58:11This is 95 miles an hour through the tyres.
58:14Bang on!
58:15Please don't get it wrong.
58:16Please don't get it wrong.
58:17Please don't get it wrong.
58:18And it's just changed up to fourth.
58:20Make, make, make, make, make, make.
58:22Second to last corner.
58:23Come on.
58:28Oh, Stig.
58:29You are sacked.
58:30You are so sacked.
58:32It's unbelievable.
58:33Now.
58:37Now, how do I stop it?
58:38Um...
58:39I forgot to ask the man how I stop it.
58:44It's, um...
58:46I'm going to be out here for the rest of my life!
58:51How much petrol's it got in it?
58:52Three quarters of a tank.
58:53Three quarters of a tank.
58:54And, er...
58:55He's still out there.
58:56Not sure we're ever going to get him back.
58:57Not sure we really want to get him back.
58:58But anyway, next week, the three of us take part in our first ever motor race.
59:14And a 24 hour one at that.
59:16And I only get lost once.
59:17Yeah.
59:18And I crashed.
59:19Again.
59:20And on that bombshell, it's time to end the show.
59:22Er...
59:23Next week, we're on at nine o'clock, for reasons we don't quite understand.
59:26So...
59:27See you then.
59:33Coming next, Cape Town is within sight for Ewan and Charlie in Long Way Down.
59:37And later, Adrian Charles is all the highlights from today's Premier League matches, including
59:41Tottenham versus Birmingham.
59:54I'm bored now!
59:56I'm bored now!
Be the first to comment