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00:00No, David, you can't sleep over here because, um, uh, um...
00:06Tell him the house is being painted.
00:08I told him that last time.
00:11Tell him the basement's flooded.
00:12The basement's flooded.
00:16Okay? Fine.
00:17The basement's flooded? Why didn't somebody tell me?
00:20No, the basement's fine. See, David wanted to sleep over and Brian was telling him why he can't.
00:24Brian, you shouldn't lie.
00:27Hello? Is the doctor in?
00:31Hello?
00:34Unless, of course, the truth has an arrow through his head.
00:40Ah!
00:57The basement's a big one.
00:58The basement's a big one.
00:58The basement's a big one.
00:59The basement's a big one.
00:59The basement's a big one.
01:00The basement's a big one.
01:01The basement's a big one.
01:02The basement's a big one.
01:02The basement's a big one.
01:03The basement's a big one.
01:03The basement's a big one.
01:04The basement's a big one.
01:04The basement's a big one.
01:05The basement's a big one.
01:06The basement's a big one.
01:06The basement's a big one.
01:07The basement's a big one.
01:07The basement's a big one.
01:08The basement's a big one.
01:08The basement's a big one.
01:09The basement's a big one.
01:10The basement's a big one.
01:10The basement's a big one.
01:11The basement's a big one.
01:12Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
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03:14Can I ask you something? Why is there always hair on your couch?
03:19Well, we, uh, uh, we, we had a dog, and then he ran away.
03:27Years ago.
03:29Pst, pst.
03:31What was that?
03:35Uh, that, uh, that must be the pipe acting up again.
03:41Oh, that pipe, that pipe, I, I think I'll go wrap it in tape.
03:56One of the dog's old toys.
04:00What is it?
04:03What?
04:11You amaze me.
04:19You're 229 years old, and that's what you think is funny.
04:24Can we talk about this some other time?
04:26I have to make number four.
04:31Oh, hey, Willie. Come here.
04:33Yeah.
04:35Ah!
04:36Oh, I'd kill me.
05:02Alf.
05:03Alf.
05:03What, what, what?
05:05What are you doing?
05:07Well, I was sleeping till you woke me up.
05:10Well, since when do you sleep standing up?
05:13Since I started sleeping with that box on my head.
05:17You look ridiculous.
05:20Well, not everyone sleeps like you.
05:23Mouth open, drooling on the pillow.
05:29How do you know how I look when I sleep?
05:32I go into your bedroom at night and watch you and Kate.
05:36I don't like you doing that.
05:38Well, hey, you were watching me.
05:41I couldn't sleep.
05:43I came out to get a glass of milk.
05:45I heard you.
05:45Ah!
05:48Oh, good.
05:49It works.
05:51Alf, there are tacks on the floor.
05:53It's my alarm system.
05:55In case a burglar shows up.
05:59Getting one of your headaches again?
06:00You know what's good for that?
06:04Jogging.
06:05I've been doing a lot of it lately.
06:06I don't think jogging is the answer.
06:10You've been jogging?
06:13Yeah.
06:13You could really see the definition in my thigh muscles.
06:18You actually go outside in the street where people can see you?
06:24I jog at night.
06:27And I wear a dark headband.
06:32I'm, uh...
06:33I'm gonna go back to bed and drool.
06:35Ah!
06:36Ah!
06:37Did you get your milk?
06:53No.
06:54I stepped on the tack.
06:56Do these things ever get to you?
07:03No.
07:04I-I usually wear slippers.
07:07Talking about...
07:08The things Alf does.
07:11You know,
07:12tacks on the floor.
07:14Oh.
07:14Jogging.
07:15Hair on the couch.
07:16Squirting flowers.
07:18Fish in the dryer.
07:19When did he put fish in the dryer?
07:22He hasn't.
07:24Yet.
07:26You know,
07:27you could talk to someone about Alf.
07:31I thought I was.
07:34No, no, no.
07:35I mean someone outside the family.
07:37Somebody who's not so close to the thing.
07:38But that's just the point, Kate.
07:40I can't tell anyone about Alf.
07:43How about Larry?
07:45He's a psychologist.
07:46A psychologist, Kate.
07:48No, no, no.
07:49I mean, you can trust him.
07:50He's not allowed to tell anyone.
07:52Oh.
07:53I don't know.
07:54Uh...
07:55I'll-I'll think about it.
07:58We gotta get some sleep now.
08:00I gotta get up early in the morning.
08:02Get a tetanus shot.
08:08Oh.
08:08I'm sorry.
08:10I thought you guys would be asleep.
08:14I guess it wouldn't hurt to give Larry a call.
08:18Well, Mr. O'Hare, I'll see you next week, okay?
08:27And, uh, on your way home, keep telling yourself over and over, there's no such thing as a space creature.
08:35Hi, Willie.
08:36Hi, Lair.
08:37I'm next.
08:38Uh, you still have ten minutes before your session?
08:40Come on in.
08:41I don't want to take up any of your time.
08:42You mean my time.
08:44Come on in.
08:48In nine minutes, I'm coming in there.
08:52Hey, Willie, whoa.
08:54Whoa, what's that?
08:55Hey, come on.
08:56What's that?
08:57Hey, what brings you to these parts, huh?
08:59Oh, I don't know.
09:00Uh, nothing much.
09:00I just happened to be in the neighborhood, and...
09:03Gosh, I thought all psychologists had couches.
09:06Well, I used to have one, but I kept falling asleep on it.
09:08Well, I guess I, uh, I guess I'll be going.
09:15No, well, why don't you wait outside?
09:17I'll finish the session, and, uh, we can have lunch together.
09:21Hey, Willie, is everything all right?
09:23Yeah.
09:25Anything on your mind?
09:26No, no.
09:28No problems at home?
09:29No, no.
09:30Just the usual, you know, nothing, nothing major, nothing, nothing really out of...
09:35I have a creature from outer space living with me.
09:47Well, there's a lot of that going around.
09:49Sit down.
09:51This is Alf.
09:54It's not really a...
09:55It's not a very good picture.
10:00I know I should be...
10:02I should really be thrilled having someone as extraordinary as that living with me,
10:06but believe me, it, it has its drawbacks.
10:12He's got some wonderful qualities, I admit that,
10:15but he, uh, he can be, well, irksome.
10:20You know, one minute he's explaining the mysteries of the universe,
10:23and the next minute he's putting fake vomit on my pillow.
10:26I, I don't know anymore, Larry.
10:33As a friend, what do you think?
10:36I think I want my couch back.
10:44Well, Larry, there's really no need for you to come over.
10:47Oh, I want to help, I want to help.
10:48I'm a psychologist.
10:49Anyway, I want to meet this thing.
10:50Uh, all right, but don't call him, uh, a thing.
10:55He, he, he's really very sensitive.
10:59You're talking about me, aren't you?
11:01No, we aren't.
11:02No, we aren't.
11:03That figures.
11:04Nobody ever talks about me, Dr. Dykstra.
11:06Except me.
11:06And I have to pay you to listen to it.
11:08I think that Alf will like Larry.
11:23Well, I bet Larry will like Alf.
11:25This isn't a blind date.
11:28Larry's coming over here to observe and to make suggestions
11:31about how we can better deal with Alf.
11:34Oh, look, another fly in the ice cube.
11:38Alf's really getting his money's worth out of this joke kit.
11:43Can you make this fast?
11:45I'm in the middle of drying fish.
11:49Alf, we have a little surprise.
11:53Don't tell me you're serving Lucky for dinner,
11:55because if you are, I want to rent a tux.
11:59No, Alf, we're having a guest over.
12:02Oh, I get it.
12:02And the surprise is I have to stay hidden all evening.
12:06No, actually, the guest is coming here to see you.
12:11Uh-huh.
12:12I see.
12:13You do?
12:14Oh, sure.
12:15You never let anyone see me before,
12:17and suddenly you invite someone over.
12:20It's obvious what's happening.
12:21This guy's from the alien task force.
12:24You people are turning me in.
12:26Oh, Alf, no.
12:27The man's an old friend of mine.
12:30He's a psychologist.
12:31I assure you, you have nothing to worry about.
12:36Okay, let's see.
12:38No, no, I wanted to wait until Larry gets here.
12:41Well, is this guy always late?
12:43No, he'll be here.
12:44He'll be here any minute.
12:46You're gonna have to chew with your mouth closed tonight.
12:49All right.
12:50But on my planet, that's considered very rude.
12:54People think you're hiding something.
12:58Alf, um, do you know what a psychologist is?
13:02Sure.
13:03I know all about psychology.
13:06I used to watch the old Bob Newhart show.
13:08So why is this guy Larry coming over?
13:12He's, he's going to observe things.
13:16Observe things?
13:17Mm-hmm.
13:17Like what?
13:19Well, like how the family, how...
13:21How the family interacts, uh, how we get along together.
13:27Oh, what's he gonna do?
13:30Put me under a microscope?
13:32Analyze everything I say?
13:34Ask me questions about my childhood?
13:37Oh, no!
13:39Alf, calm down.
13:40Right, right, calm, calm.
13:44I'm calm.
13:45Yeah, yeah.
13:47Larry's not gonna think I'm the crazy one.
13:49Oh, hi, Larry.
13:52Hi, Willie.
13:53How are you?
13:54Hey, you're looking great.
13:55Oh, who's...
13:55Hi, Kate.
13:57Oh, my God.
14:01I take it he's the alien?
14:06Hiya, Larry.
14:11Well, everything looks lovely, Kate.
14:16You've outdone yourself again.
14:18Thank you.
14:19Excuse me, but can someone please pass me the white boiled potatoes?
14:26Did Alf say please?
14:28Did Alf say pass?
14:30Come on, Larry.
14:31Chow down.
14:33Alf loves to chow down.
14:36I have a healthy appetite.
14:38Nothing wrong with that, is there?
14:40No.
14:41See, Willie?
14:43I didn't say anything was wrong.
14:45I was just making a comment.
14:47People don't just make comments.
14:49They mean things by them.
14:52Right, Lair?
14:57That's not something one does at the dinner table.
15:01I'm sorry, Larry.
15:02Where are my manners?
15:04You don't have any manners.
15:05Well, you know, in some countries, it's considered a compliment if you burp after eating.
15:10Oh, yes, yes.
15:12Sometimes Alf can be very, very complimentary.
15:14So, Larry, what do you think about this Nicaragua thing?
15:20Alf, why are you talking about Nicaragua?
15:23We always discuss politics at the table.
15:26No, we never discuss politics at the dinner table.
15:30I'm sorry, Larry.
15:31This is really, this is not at all the way Alf normally behaves.
15:36Oh?
15:36Well, how do I behave?
15:38Well, generally, you do disgusting, gross things.
15:42Go on, then.
15:43Show him.
15:43Do something disgusting.
15:45Yeah, make milk come through your nose.
15:49Brian's unencouraging.
15:50Would you like some more potatoes?
15:52They're very tasty.
15:53He doesn't care about potatoes.
15:55Show him the vomit.
15:58Willie, please.
15:59I'm trying to eat.
16:02Honestly, Larry, it isn't always quite like this.
16:05I have a little exercise that might work, guys.
16:08It's called role reversal.
16:09Now, Willie, you become Alf, and Alf becomes Willie.
16:13That sounds like a good idea.
16:15Oh, I don't think so.
16:18Afraid of a little personal growth, perhaps?
16:20I'm not afraid.
16:21I just, I think it's silly.
16:24Come on, Willie, give it a try.
16:26Larry knows what he's doing.
16:27Yeah, come on, Dad.
16:28Alf does a great impression of you.
16:29Oh, all right.
16:31We wouldn't want to miss that.
16:33Okay, since, uh, since we're at the dinner table,
16:35let's just act like we would at the dinner table,
16:38and we can start off by you, Willie, being Alf.
16:43Food, food, give me more food.
16:46I haven't had a meal in, oh, half an hour.
16:49Ha!
16:51Oh, no, Alf.
16:52No, no.
16:54No food for you.
16:55You already ate last month.
16:58No, no, no.
17:01I don't sound like that.
17:03Oh, come on, Willie, you're doing fine.
17:04I don't.
17:04Come on, keep going.
17:05All right.
17:07Blah!
17:08I've finished my meal.
17:10Uh, I guess I'll watch TV while everybody else does the dishes.
17:13I think we watch enough TV in this house.
17:18No?
17:19We should do something more stimulating.
17:22I know.
17:23Let's conjugate verbs.
17:26No, how about, how about we just break things?
17:30Oh, no, no.
17:33That would be wrong.
17:35Wrong.
17:36Wrong!
17:38All right, then.
17:39How about if we, um, how about if we eat the cat, then?
17:43How you doing, Lucky?
17:45Sorry.
17:50Household rule number 856, subsection D, paragraph 2.
17:56We do not eat the cat.
17:59A rule smooze.
18:00I hate rules.
18:01I like, I like anarchy.
18:04Well, I don't believe in anarchy.
18:07It's much too spontaneous.
18:08Oh, look.
18:11Look how late it's getting.
18:12And I still have to lay out my clothes for the rest of the year.
18:17That's it.
18:18This isn't helping.
18:18I quit.
18:19I win.
18:21Alf, there are no winners in this thing.
18:23Well, I was ahead on points.
18:25That's not true.
18:26Well, I think I've heard enough.
18:27I mean, you guys obviously don't get along, okay?
18:30I, I think, uh, Alf should move out.
18:32Move out?
18:33Move out?
18:34What does he mean, move out?
18:36Are you saying that Alf should get a place of his own?
18:38Oh, that, that's crazy.
18:40Do you know what rents are?
18:42What am I talking about?
18:43You can live in with me.
18:45I've got an extra room.
18:47Alf, you're not going anywhere.
18:49Why not?
18:50Because people would find him out.
18:53Why do you care?
18:54Well, I don't want anything to happen to him.
18:57Uh-huh.
18:58You do care what happens to Alf.
19:00Well, of course I care.
19:02I always did.
19:03I, I, I just think that sometimes it seems that, that Alf doesn't care a heck of a lot about me.
19:14Not care?
19:17Not care about the guy who's protected me and provided for me for all these months?
19:23You, you, you appreciated all of that?
19:27Of course I appreciate it.
19:30Hey, if you got a problem, let's talk.
19:33I mean, if fake vomit's not your cup of tea, I'll lose it.
19:39Yeah, I'd appreciate that.
19:40And, uh, in return, I'll, I'll, uh, I'll, I'll really try to be more flexible.
19:49Hey, you see what a little communication can do?
19:53Well, I think we've all become a little closer here.
19:56We should toast this occasion.
19:59That's a good idea.
20:01Now, come on, Dad, make a toast.
20:03Well, uh, all right, uh, to, to, uh...
20:10Communication.
20:12Communication.
20:20And to, uh, dribble glasses.
20:23Oh, hi, Alf.
20:42Hi, Willie.
20:45Night, Alf.
20:48Night, Willie.
20:48Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:18Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
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