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00:00Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:30Yes, that's the answer, San Diego
00:32Fine, what was the question?
00:35Where should we go on our vacation?
00:37I say, we should go to San Diego
00:39Oh, San Diego sounds fine to me, but what about Alf?
00:41You don't have to check with Alf
00:43That's where we're going, San Diego really does have something for everyone
00:47It's not just an empty slogan
00:49I'm sorry, did you say I should get hair in the peanut butter or I shouldn't?
00:56Just toss it out
00:58The hair or the peanut butter?
01:00Both
01:00No problem
01:02Why don't I believe that?
01:06My gosh, they're having a Shakespeare festival
01:09Willie, there's hair in our peanut butter
01:13Love boats, Bernie Capel, he's playing Hamlet
01:17I said, what are we going to do about...
01:19Grease fire, grease fire!
01:21Ow!
01:21Oh no, oh no
01:23Never mind the curtains, put me out
01:27There, the mat
01:27No
01:31No
01:32No
01:36Untertitelung. BR 2018
02:06Untertitelung. BR 2018
02:36There's hair in this tuna fish.
02:43I like it.
02:45How come I didn't get any hair?
02:48We ran out.
02:50That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
02:52May I please be excused?
02:53No, no, stay, Lynn. That's the end of the hair talk.
02:56I want to talk about what we're gonna do on our vacation.
02:59Why is that the end of the hair talk?
03:00Because that's the end.
03:02That's why. We've changed subjects.
03:04We're talking about our vacation.
03:06I thought we decided. San Diego.
03:09It has something for everyone.
03:11Well, your mother and I,
03:13I mean, Kate and I,
03:14have talked about this, and we've decided
03:16we should all stay right here.
03:19At the table?
03:21No.
03:22No, but in the house.
03:24Or around the house.
03:26Around the house?
03:28Well, we can go out outside.
03:29Do we get to cross the street?
03:32We just thought,
03:33instead of going somewhere far away and different,
03:36it would be more fun to,
03:37to stay home where,
03:38where things are,
03:39are not so different,
03:40and, uh,
03:41do pretty much the same things
03:43we do every day.
03:44I think you sold them, dear.
03:48No sale here.
03:49I think it bites wind.
03:50Ow.
03:51What?
03:51That's not your talk.
03:54Let's just get back to this
03:55vacation thing, all right?
03:57Yeah, I think we should talk about it.
03:58How come we aren't going anywhere?
04:00Did you lose all your money?
04:02Been playing the ponies, haven't you?
04:04If you want to know the truth,
04:06you're the reason we're staying home.
04:08What?
04:09Oui, monsieur.
04:10Pourquoi?
04:11Because you're an alien.
04:12We're dropping the French.
04:14We're dropping it.
04:14No problemo.
04:17Why can't we take you out to San Diego?
04:19Because the minute we check into a hotel,
04:21somebody's going to call the police.
04:22Or the National Enquirer.
04:25And obviously,
04:26we can't leave you home alone.
04:28You proved that today.
04:29I suppose that's a reference
04:30to this kitchen thing.
04:33You did start that fire,
04:34and then you watched TV
04:36while Kate and I put it out.
04:38I didn't think it was a three-man job.
04:40The point is,
04:41we're going to have to spend
04:43this vacation at home.
04:45I feel terrible.
04:47I ruined your stove.
04:48Now I'm ruining your vacation.
04:51I'm worthless.
04:52I'm garbage.
04:54I'm canal water.
04:55I bite wind.
04:57Ow!
04:58Alf, you haven't ruined anything.
05:00Except our stove.
05:01And our vacation.
05:03Well, I can't live with that.
05:05You people are going on vacation without me.
05:08I don't see how we can.
05:09Pen me in the yard,
05:10where I won't cause any damage.
05:13Chain me to a tree.
05:14Put me in a kennel.
05:15No, Alf.
05:17We're not going on vacation without you.
05:19I agree.
05:21There's got to be someplace we can all go.
05:23Maybe if we went deep into the woods
05:25where nobody would see, Alf.
05:27Out of the mouths of babes.
05:31We can rent a motorhome.
05:32We can go to some secluded campground.
05:34That's a great idea.
05:36Let's give it a shot.
05:37So the kennel idea is dead?
05:39No.
05:39Okay, fine.
05:40We'll go camp.
05:41What do we need?
05:43We need pork and beans.
05:47Wolf repellent.
05:49Two bottles of beer on the wall.
05:51Two bottles of beer.
05:53If one of those bottles should happen to fall.
05:55One bottle of beer on the wall.
05:57One bottle of beer on the wall.
05:59One bottle of beer.
06:01If one of those bottles should happen to fall.
06:03No more bottles of beer on the wall.
06:07One more time.
06:08A thousand bottles of beer on the wall.
06:10A thousand bottles of beer.
06:12Come on, Mom.
06:13Sing with us.
06:14I don't know the words.
06:16Hey, Willie.
06:17Keep your eyes open for a clean gas station.
06:20I'm going to need to make a pit stop.
06:22Again?
06:22I can't help it.
06:24It's all this singing about beer.
06:28Hey, Lynn.
06:30You want to spit out the window with me?
06:32Maybe later.
06:34I'll spot you ten feet.
06:36No, thanks.
06:36I'm going to write a letter to my boyfriend.
06:40How about you, Kate?
06:42I don't know how to spit.
06:44Come on, it's easy.
06:46No!
06:49All right.
06:50Don't get your shorts in a knot.
06:52I guess I'll just moon some state troopers.
06:55Make way here.
06:56There'll be no mooning!
06:57Boy, you call this a vacation?
07:04Hey, Chief.
07:05How about letting me take over the controls a while?
07:07You don't know how to drive.
07:10I drove through the cosmos, didn't I?
07:11You crashed into our garage.
07:13You see any garages out there?
07:15Come on.
07:16No, no, no.
07:16Somebody get out for it.
07:17Is it just me, or are the walls closing in?
07:29You know, I really think the rain is going to stop.
07:32Yeah.
07:33It's bound to stop sometime.
07:35You've been saying that since we docked.
07:39Let's just make the best of it.
07:40Okay, how about a game of Chinese checkers?
07:42I'm tired of Chinese checkers.
07:44Yeah, we're tired of Chinese checkers.
07:47How about Scrabble?
07:49Elephant all the vowels.
07:51I was bored.
07:53When I'm bored, I eat vowels.
07:55Well, there's always charades.
07:57I don't like charades.
07:59I always feel like everyone's watching me.
08:02What does everyone want to do?
08:04Hey, it's your call.
08:05You're the one who dragged us here.
08:07You guys really are a bunch of negative Nellies.
08:11We're trying to make the best of a less than perfect situation
08:14and try to find something that we can all do together.
08:16May I suggest San Diego?
08:18No, you may not.
08:19Now, look, I know things haven't worked out exactly as planned,
08:23but when you have a lemon, you make lemonade.
08:26What lemon?
08:26What are you talking about?
08:28I'm just trying to tell you there's more than one way to skin a cat.
08:31You've been reading my recipe book.
08:34All right, let's do something.
08:36Everybody in your coats and hats, we're going on a hike.
08:39Oh, boy, I'm ready.
08:40That sounds like fun.
08:41That's the spirit.
08:42Let's go, huh?
08:43Who cares if we get a little wet?
08:46That's easy for you to say.
08:47You're not 98% here.
08:49Now, look here.
08:51We can sit here and complain,
08:53or we can go out there and enjoy ourselves.
08:56I'm going to sit here and complain.
08:57Fine, we'll see you later.
09:08Welcome back.
09:10Shoot some ladders, anyone?
09:12Well, I'm going to set up the barbecue.
09:14Anybody hungry?
09:15You're not going out there.
09:17Okay, I'll cook under the awning.
09:18You need some help bobbing for firewood?
09:20One more word out of you,
09:24and you're not eating with us.
09:25Right.
09:26Let the alien starve.
09:27I think the alien could skip a meal.
09:29It might be a new experience for him.
09:32Uh, how would you like your hamburger?
09:38Medium rare.
09:39Hold the lightning.
09:42How would you like to be 50% here?
09:46No, you're a different person when you're on vacation.
09:49I'm just trying to make this vacation fun.
09:52How?
09:52By drowning us?
09:53By trying to keep a positive attitude.
09:56You might do that yourself
09:58instead of complaining all the time.
10:00Guys, please.
10:01Well, not everyone enjoys spending their vacation
10:04in a rainforest.
10:05We're in this rainforest because of you.
10:07I vote we go home.
10:08You're not voting on this.
10:10Call the newspapers.
10:11Democracy is dead.
10:14Do you want to go home?
10:15Go.
10:15No one's stopping you.
10:16Dad.
10:17There's the door.
10:18Willie.
10:18You want me to go?
10:19I'll go.
10:20Fine, go.
10:21Fine.
10:21I'm going.
10:23Alf, don't.
10:25Sorry, Brian.
10:26I have my pride.
10:31Alf.
10:32Come on, Alf.
10:33You're not really going.
10:34I'm out of here.
10:35I'm history.
10:41I'm going to die.
10:42Shoot.
11:01Another shoot.
11:04Well, this isn't my day.
11:07It's not Alf's day either.
11:09Yeah, we want Alf's back.
11:12Just don't try to make me feel guilty about...
11:15Sending him out to die.
11:16...asking him to leave.
11:18Anyone else would have done the same thing.
11:20Not me.
11:21Not me.
11:22Not me.
11:23All right.
11:26Where's the wolf repellent?
11:27Oh.
11:29Yay, Dad!
11:30Remember, Dad.
11:31It doesn't work on bears.
11:33Oh, thanks.
11:34Honey, I want you to be very careful.
11:37Yeah.
11:37You're all right.
11:38Give me a kiss.
11:38Okay.
11:40Hi.
11:40I love you, Daddy.
11:41Hi.
11:42So long.
11:43So long.
11:44I don't know.
11:44I don't know.
11:45I don't know.
11:46I don't know.
11:47I don't know.
11:48I don't know.
11:49I don't know.
11:50I don't know.
11:51I don't know.
11:52I don't know.
11:52I don't know.
11:53Hello?
12:13Hello?
12:14Anybody home?
12:20I'm coming in.
12:21I'm in.
12:34I'm looking through your cabinets.
12:50Yikes.
12:51Oh, Oreos.
12:58My kind of people.
13:03Oh, it's your fault.
13:04Hey, look here.
13:05You even left the door.
13:07You know, you really are an idiot.
13:09I mean, I had that rabbit right in my sights, and then you scare him away with that sound you
13:16were making.
13:17It was a rabbit call.
13:18It was a rabbit call.
13:20Rabbits don't have a call.
13:22How do they get each other's attention?
13:24Don't talk to me.
13:26Rabbits have a call.
13:27If you don't believe me, look it up.
13:29Don't you look at this.
13:30I mean, you're always leaving the cookies out.
13:36We're going to get ants.
13:38I didn't do that.
13:39Well, who did?
13:40Well, maybe some animal got in here or something.
13:43Right.
13:45Some animal who just happens to be partial to Oreos.
13:49Oreos?
13:50What is that?
13:53I think we have a burglar.
13:54A dead burglar.
13:58Cover me.
14:04It is an animal.
14:08It's an ugly little sucker.
14:11I think it's a dog.
14:13That's no dog.
14:15Yeah, it's one of those expensive dogs.
14:17I've seen pictures of them.
14:19I think Cher has one.
14:20Now, that's one of those weird animals from Australia.
14:26Yeah, sure.
14:27Then how did it get here?
14:29Don't you know anything?
14:31The continents used to be connected.
14:34That is the stupidest thing you ever said.
14:37Well, look it up.
14:42You know what that is?
14:43It's an anteater.
14:46Are you sure?
14:48Yeah, and it's against the law to shoot anteaters.
14:50What are you talking about?
14:56You could shoot anteaters.
15:00I don't care what he is.
15:02I'm going to take him out and butcher him.
15:05Why do you always get to do all the butchering?
15:08Because you usually end up mutilating all the good meat.
15:13I'll get the chainsaw.
15:14You make the salad.
15:20That guy orders me around too much.
15:25Yeah.
15:26You're getting the short end of the stick, all right.
15:29I hear you.
15:30I do hear you.
15:36You're talking.
15:39A talking anteater.
15:41Yeah, listen.
15:42You should get even with that guy.
15:44May I suggest a murder-suicide?
15:46You're really talking.
15:49Yeah, I'm talking.
15:50Let's get past that.
15:51Well, I've never ate anything that talked.
15:54Well, my cousin's cockatoo.
16:01Alf!
16:03Alf!
16:03Hey, hey.
16:06Earth to yokel.
16:07Focus in here, all right?
16:09I'm, uh...
16:10I'm not an anteater.
16:11I'm a...
16:13magical creature...
16:14of the forest.
16:17Come on, Artie.
16:19This anteater talks.
16:21What?
16:22Yeah, but don't listen to a word he says.
16:23He's tricky.
16:24I think he's from the city.
16:27We've got to get you a woman.
16:30Look at that.
16:31Maybe it's a talking rabbit.
16:33I'm sorry to bother you,
16:36but have you seen anything unusual in the area?
16:39I know that's a very general question,
16:41but if you've seen what I'm referring to,
16:42I'm sure you'll know what I mean.
16:44And if you haven't,
16:45well, there'll be no point in taking up your time
16:47with a long explanation.
16:49Who is this?
16:50Some guy with a run-on sentence.
16:54Alf!
16:55Oh!
16:56Alf!
16:57Oh, Alf!
16:58Thank goodness!
17:00We were so worried.
17:02Look, I'm sorry about what happened.
17:03Are you okay?
17:04Did he get lost?
17:07Oh, obviously, I don't expect him to answer.
17:09I do.
17:11Well, thank you.
17:13Thank you for finding our...
17:17anteater.
17:18Come on, Alf.
17:21Come on.
17:21Come on, boy.
17:22We've got to go.
17:23Now, wait just a minute.
17:25How do we know he's yours?
17:29Boy, he's hugging my leg.
17:31So what?
17:32I had a dog who did that to everybody.
17:35I don't know what kind of proof you want,
17:37but Alf belongs to me.
17:40Possession is nine-tenths of the law.
17:42That's right.
17:43He's half-armed.
17:47Look, Alf is coming with me,
17:50and that's that.
17:53Did I mention the generous $50 reward
17:56there is for finding Alf?
17:57Oh, $50 each?
17:59No, no, $25 apiece.
18:00Oh, well, I was going to say...
18:02Shut up.
18:03That's $50 apiece.
18:05$100 is ridiculous.
18:06It's ridiculous of me to say no.
18:13All right.
18:14Nice doing business with you.
18:16My pleasure.
18:16Come on.
18:20I'll hold your $25.
18:23Thanks.
18:32Alf.
18:34Alf, I think we'd make better time.
18:36if you let go of my leg.
18:38Just a little longer.
18:40I've been through a traumatic experience.
18:43Did I tell you how much I appreciate
18:45you saving my life?
18:47Yes, you did, Alf.
18:48Did I also tell you that I think
18:50you're a credit to the human race?
18:53Over and over.
18:55Did I tell you I think you got us lost?
18:58We're not lost.
18:59Yeah.
19:00I think we've been walking in circles.
19:02That's because you've been holding onto my leg.
19:05Well, anyway, we're lost.
19:06We're not lost.
19:08We're going the right way.
19:09No.
19:10I'm pretty sure we should be going that way.
19:12No.
19:13That is the way back to the camper.
19:15No.
19:16That's the way back to the camper.
19:19No, it's not.
19:20Yes, it is.
19:22All right.
19:24Oh, let's compromise.
19:25Let's go that way.
19:27No.
19:28No, no.
19:28No, that's where those guys live.
19:30You got it.
19:31I'm going to return you.
19:33Get my hundred dollars back.
19:36You know what?
19:37You're absolutely right.
19:39That is the way back to the camper.
19:41Whatever you say.
19:44All aboard!
19:45All aboard!
19:45There's more rain, Lucky.
19:57Rain again.
20:00Rain from another angle.
20:02I took that one.
20:04Hang on, Lucky.
20:05We're just getting to the good part.
20:06Alf, we've seen these dozens of times.
20:08Yeah, we have.
20:10But I haven't shown them to the luck, Meister.
20:16Here I am after Willie rescued me
20:18from what I'd like to call
20:20the cabin that dripped blood.
20:25Here I am kissing the floor of the motorhome.
20:29Here I am kissing Willie.
20:31Let me tell you,
20:31I got more of a response from kissing the floor.
20:33Ha!
20:34Ha!
20:35Oh, yeah.
20:35Only kidding, my man.
20:36You saved my life.
20:37Stand up and take a bow.
20:38Come on.
20:39Oh, he's modest.
20:40I love that.
20:41All right.
20:42Here I am lighting the barbecue.
20:46Here's the motorhome going up in flames.
20:50Here we are coming home by bus.
20:52That's me in the duffel bag.
20:56Here I am being chained to a tree
20:58before the family took off for San Diego.
21:01No hard feelings.
21:08Here I am going up in flames.
21:30I am going down in flames.
21:31Here I am going up in flames.
21:32Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
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