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00:00Oh, Willy, I want you to see this.
00:06Look, here, the very first Christmas card we ever got.
00:10From our good friends at the gas company.
00:14Oh, that was a good first Christmas, wasn't it?
00:17We relaxed, we stayed in bed late.
00:20It was too cold to get up.
00:21Our friends at the gas company turned off the heat.
00:26Merry Christmas!
00:30He knows when we're awake.
00:33It's the day before Christmas.
00:35I've hidden all the eggs.
00:38Al, we hide eggs at Easter, not at Christmas.
00:42Oh, that's right.
00:43Christmas is when we carve the pumpkin.
00:47Oh, you two get these holidays straightened out.
00:49I think I'll just go make breakfast.
00:51Not necessary.
00:52I already made breakfast.
00:54Sloppy Joes and fiberglass.
00:56I'll just go find the eggs.
01:01Why did you make us breakfast?
01:04Because of the list.
01:05What list?
01:06Santa's.
01:07You know, the fat guy that dresses in velvet?
01:10I found out that he watches everything you do, writes it down, and if your naughties outnumber
01:16you're nices, you don't get toys.
01:19So, you made us breakfast?
01:21Can't hurt.
01:22Oh, oh, and I've got another surprise for you.
01:24Yeah.
01:25Willie!
01:26Our Christmas tree!
01:28Alf, what have you done?
01:31I don't want to spoil the surprise.
01:37Alf, you cut our tree in the firewood.
01:40You're welcome.
01:43You're welcome.
01:43You're welcome.
02:10You're welcome.
02:40All right.
02:46Let me see if I've got this reindeer thing straight.
02:50There's, uh, there's Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
02:59No, it's Prancer, Dancer, Vixen, Blitzen.
03:06Yui, Dewey, and Louie.
03:08No, those are ducks.
03:11Then how do they pull the sled?
03:15Okay, the lights are ready.
03:17No, all we need is a tree.
03:18Well, your dad should be here with a new one soon.
03:20What's taking him so long?
03:22Oh, you know, your father, he has to find just the perfect tree.
03:25Well, I hope he makes it back before it snows.
03:28It's gonna snow?
03:30Me!
03:30No, it's not.
03:32Sure it is.
03:33It always snows at Christmas.
03:34I saw it on TV.
03:36All the stuff floats down and covers the whole town, and people go sledding and make snowmen.
03:45Then Santa slides in on a rotary shaver.
03:48Al, it doesn't snow in this part of the state.
03:52Wait a minute.
03:53I saw snow on Mr. T's Christmas special, and they tape in Burbank.
04:00Mom, I found another egg.
04:02Oh, Al, you said you got them all.
04:04All but that one, I swear.
04:07Here's one more.
04:08And the one in the philodendrum.
04:10Oh, hi.
04:12I'm sorry I'm late.
04:14Hi, Dad.
04:14What's on the box?
04:15Hi, honey.
04:16Where's the tree?
04:17Where's the tree?
04:18The tree.
04:20The box.
04:21Uh, let me just explain.
04:24Why are you holding eggs?
04:27Didn't you get a tree?
04:28Oh, no.
04:30I mean, yes.
04:31I mean, yes.
04:33Let's start with a simple question.
04:35What's your name?
04:36Please, please, let me try to explain this my way.
04:41You see, I went to every lot in town.
04:43I found lots.
04:45Empty lots.
04:46Except one where this man named Fahid had just this one tree left.
04:53So where is it?
04:54He was auctioning it off to the highest bidder.
04:58I dropped out when the price got to $100.
05:00I have my pride.
05:02And we have no tree.
05:03We have a tree.
05:05We have a Christmas tree.
05:07And it's right here.
05:09Behind the box?
05:10It's in the box.
05:12A fake tree.
05:15It's a lifelike simulated tree.
05:17Yes.
05:18What do you do?
05:19Just add water?
05:21No, we put it together.
05:23Together.
05:24Yeah, it'll be a fun family project.
05:27And it comes with a can of simulated snow.
05:30If you'd gotten two cans, we could have made a simulated snowman.
05:35One hundred and twenty-five.
05:38What does that mean?
05:40A hundred and twenty-five dollars.
05:42That's the price.
05:43Is my math way off, or is that more than you would have paid Fahid?
05:48It's more, but it's less.
05:51I'm talking to Karnak.
05:53It's more now, but it will be less, because you see, this tree is guaranteed for twenty-five years.
06:03So, uh, we're gonna be stuck with this thing for over a quarter of a century.
06:06When you see it assembled, it'll be fine.
06:10You'll see.
06:11I agree.
06:11I think a fake tree is fine.
06:13Well, this whole thing stinks, if you ask me.
06:15Nobody's asking you.
06:16Well, I'm not waiting for an invitation.
06:19First, you drop the fake snow on me.
06:21Then you come waltzing in here with this miserable excuse for a tree.
06:25May I remind you, it was you who chopped up our real tree?
06:29I knew you'd bring that up.
06:33There's people out there singing.
06:37Hey, you want me to get rid of them?
06:38No, no, Alf, they're caroling.
06:41Then why are they singing?
06:44Kevin's out there.
06:46Yeah.
06:47And Melissa.
06:48Hi.
06:49Can I go with them?
06:50Well, I don't see why not.
06:52Let's all go.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Honey, let's go.
06:55Yeah, sure, let me just...
06:56No, you know what?
06:57I want to stay here and assemble the tree.
07:01I'll catch up with you at the manger by the gas station.
07:03Well, honey, I don't want you to miss the caroling.
07:05I'm not going to miss the caroling.
07:06No, no.
07:08This tree isn't going to take long to put together,
07:10and then we'll all decorate when you get back.
07:12Okay, we'll see you there.
07:13Okay.
07:14Bye.
07:16You really going to let Brian go caroling?
07:18Well, sure, why not?
07:19Well, on Melmac, caroling was definitely not for children.
07:23How come?
07:24Well, you'd have to know Carol.
07:27Step one.
07:31Paint the trunk green.
07:33Paint not included.
07:35I think I'll be able to handle this myself.
07:38All right.
07:40You're on your own.
07:42Pretend I'm not here.
07:44Just like I'm doing with that tree.
07:48Well, look at that.
07:50Four inches of snow in Clayton, Georgia.
07:52Oh, darn.
07:54Now I'll have to tape it.
07:55Twelve inches in Buffalo.
07:57I should have bought a real tree.
07:59It's only once a year.
08:00I could have paid the money.
08:01Whoa.
08:02Six inches of snow in the Angeles Forest.
08:05Now there's no more real trees.
08:07The lots are closed.
08:08The Angeles Forest.
08:11Yeah.
08:12They have snow.
08:13Everyone has snow but the tanners.
08:15No, Alf, we used to go there, Kate and I.
08:18We used to go there every year to a tree farm.
08:20We cut down our own tree.
08:22Alf, that's the answer.
08:24It's only an hour away.
08:25I know the exact spot.
08:26I can cut down a tree, surprise the family.
08:29Yeah, and they've got snow.
08:31Let's go.
08:31What do you mean, let's?
08:33Hey, you're not going to deny me the one chance I'll ever have to see snow, are you?
08:38Well, I guess it's Christmas Eve.
08:40There's no one on the road.
08:42Why not?
08:43Great.
08:43I'll warm up the car.
08:44I'll just leave a note.
08:46Wait, wait, wait.
08:47You're not warming up the car.
08:48No, no.
08:50You get the chainsaw.
08:51Fill it with gas.
08:52No problem.
08:55What am I saying?
08:56What am I saying?
08:56What am I saying?
09:01This spot, uh, where you used to cut your tree.
09:07Have you been there in person or just in your mind?
09:11We would have found the spot long ago if I'd been holding the map.
09:17This place is barely on the map.
09:20I think we just passed a donner party.
09:24We'll find the spot.
09:25We'll find it soon.
09:27It's been two hours.
09:29By now, the family will be worried sick about me.
09:33What, do you want to go home?
09:35Yes.
09:36I mean, I haven't even seen that snow you promised.
09:39Just mud.
09:41I never promised snow.
09:43You did.
09:44Oh, yeah.
09:45You promised trees.
09:47All right.
09:48You win.
09:50We'll turn around to the next road.
09:51We'll go home.
09:52I'll work on the plastic tree until it's finished.
09:55Great.
09:56We'll have Christmas in March.
09:57We'll just tell where the next road is, okay?
10:00Fine.
10:04All right.
10:05There's, uh, there's a road coming up right now.
10:07Where?
10:08Uh, up ahead.
10:09Where?
10:09Uh, there it is now.
10:10Turn here quick.
10:11Uh, are you sure that there's a bigger road?
10:12Yes, yes, right here.
10:14I'm sure.
10:14I'm positive.
10:15All right.
10:15Yeah.
10:15Yeah.
10:15No, wait.
10:28Fine.
10:29Now, we're stuck.
10:33If I'm not home before Santa gets there, I'll sue you.
10:37Willie?
10:50Al?
10:52Anybody?
10:53Where are they?
10:54I don't know.
10:58See?
10:59I told you this cell's gonna work.
11:02I'm sure Dad isn't finished with it yet.
11:04I wonder where they are.
11:05Here we go.
11:08Oh, they went to cut down a real tree.
11:11Mom, they've been gone a long time.
11:13They went to McConnell's Tree Farm.
11:15You know, we used to cut our Christmas tree down there every year.
11:19Of course, we got lost there every year, too.
11:26Knock, knock.
11:27Guess who?
11:29Mr. Achmanek.
11:29Mr. Achmanek.
11:31How is everybody?
11:32Oh, well, actually, we're, uh, we're, we're fine, Trevor.
11:36Come on in.
11:38Thanks, Kate.
11:39Oh.
11:40Merry Christmas.
11:42Ah!
11:44A Merry Christmas, Trevor.
11:46Gosh, I love this holiday.
11:49Goodwill.
11:50Visiting with the neighbors.
11:52Sharing a little eggnog.
11:55Sharing a little eggnog.
11:57Would you like some eggnog, Mr. Achmanek?
12:00If it's not too much trouble.
12:02I'll get you some.
12:03Heavy on the brandy.
12:04I know.
12:06Yeah.
12:07Place looks great.
12:09Oh, thank you.
12:11Beautiful decorations.
12:13Stockings hung by the chimney with care.
12:16What the hell is this?
12:18It's a Christmas tree.
12:21I thought it was a coat rack.
12:22Okay, I put the board under the wheel, and I'm going to push.
12:29So when I say now, you release the brake and press the accelerator, okay?
12:33Do what?
12:34Release the brake and press the accelerator.
12:37Okay.
12:40Turn it off!
12:42Turn it off!
12:43Turn it off!
12:44Oh, thank you.
13:00Now, we are completely stuck.
13:04How long till spring?
13:08This is just terrible.
13:10I'm stranded.
13:11Christmas Eve.
13:13Yeah.
13:13This would never happen to Sonny Crockett.
13:16What?
13:17It wouldn't.
13:18He has a car phone.
13:20He can call for help.
13:23I'd love to do that, Alf.
13:26I'd love to be Superman.
13:28Then I could fly out of here.
13:31Well, now you're being silly.
13:39A whisker for your thoughts.
13:42What?
13:42On Mel Mac, that's how you get someone to open up.
13:46Oh, I was just thinking about what's being Christmas, not having a tree.
13:56This sounds like it's going to be sentimental.
13:59What if I turn on some music?
14:01Yeah, go ahead.
14:03I don't know.
14:04Even when I was a kid, I think the most important thing was that we had that tree.
14:10A real tree.
14:11My dad used to bring her home on Christmas Eve.
14:13We all decorated.
14:15The whole family would all pitch in me and my brother, my Uncle Doug.
14:19Incidentally, my condolences.
14:22Oh, thanks.
14:25You know, sometimes there wasn't enough money to buy presents.
14:28But there always was that tree.
14:31A real tree.
14:35We'd keep that tree up until every last needle was gone.
14:40I remember one-fourth of July.
14:42Mind if I switch on to the ballgame?
14:44You just, you don't get it, do you?
14:48Sure I do.
14:50I'm just trying to keep from crying.
14:53Yeah.
14:56Let's just sit here and be quiet, okay?
15:00Okay.
15:02Being quiet.
15:04Waiting patiently.
15:07Saying nothing.
15:10How'd your Uncle Doug die?
15:11He was talking too much.
15:15And somebody hit him.
15:19Fine.
15:20Back to quiet.
15:22We'll just sit here and listen to the mud.
15:38Ah!
15:41Oh, Mother, everything looks so beautiful.
15:45Yeah, I can't wait for Dad to get here with the tree
15:48so we can decorate together.
15:50Like we do every year.
15:52Nothing is as much fun without him as it is with him.
15:55Oh, yes.
15:56He's an excellent husband and father.
16:00That must be him now.
16:01I'll get the door.
16:03No, let me.
16:05Why don't we all go?
16:06Merry Christmas, everyone.
16:15What a beautiful tree.
16:19Oh, Dad, it's even more beautiful than last year's.
16:22Oh, you really outdid yourself.
16:24Thank you.
16:25Wherever did you get it?
16:26Bahid gave it to me.
16:28Absolutely free.
16:29He's such a nice man.
16:30Now we can decorate it.
16:33Isn't this great?
16:35Two perfect kids, a beautiful wife, a big tree.
16:40Could anyone want more?
16:41I agree.
16:42It really is a wonderful life.
16:44How could it not be?
16:46I mean, it's not like we've got an alien living with us or anything.
16:48Well, why, Dad, why would you say a thing like that?
16:51Oh, I don't know.
16:54Brian, why don't you get the cranberries and popcorn?
16:57I'll get the tinsel.
16:59Come on, Brian.
16:59Don't forget the star.
17:01Oh, excuse me, dear, but doesn't the tree lean a little bit too much to the left?
17:07Oh, I don't think so.
17:08It looks fine to me.
17:10Oh, well, it's not fine to me.
17:12Not fine at all.
17:13I'd better call the tree repairman.
17:16Operator, get me the tree repairman.
17:18The tree repairman?
17:20I don't think there's any such thing as a...
17:22He's on his way.
17:24Maybe that's him now.
17:26But we don't need any...
17:29Tree repairman!
17:32Oh, see, you got a leaner there.
17:34Oh, my God.
17:35It's him.
17:36Kate, don't let him touch the tree.
17:39Relax, pal.
17:40I'll only be a minute.
17:44What are you doing here?
17:46This is my dream.
17:46You can't be in this...
17:47Whoops.
17:48Here, hold this.
17:49Get away from my tree!
17:51Ah, here we go, lady.
17:53I found the problem with your tree.
17:56It's a fake.
17:57You bought a fake tree?
18:01Willie, you should be ashamed.
18:02But it's not a fake.
18:04I mean, it wasn't until he got here.
18:07I can't fix this here.
18:08I'm going to have to take it into the shop.
18:10Look at how perfect Christmas sits unraveling.
18:16Your tree should be ready around Easter.
18:18But call first.
18:20Here's your stuff.
18:21You're not taking my tree.
18:23I want my tree.
18:24I want my tree.
18:26I want my tree.
18:27I want my tree.
18:29I want my tree.
18:31I want my tree.
18:32Lighten up, Willie.
18:34You got it.
18:34What's going on here?
18:38Nothing.
18:39I just loaded a tree into the car.
18:41Where did you get it?
18:43Think, Willie.
18:44Where do we get trees?
18:46You mean you went out to the woods, cut down this tree for me?
18:49Isn't that what we came here for?
18:51Oh, I don't know what to say.
18:54Well, you better say it quick.
18:55There's a forest ranger headed this way.
18:57He must have heard the chainsaw.
19:00Well, at least...
19:01At least we're going to get help.
19:03And we're going to get home.
19:04And we're going to get fined.
19:10Willie!
19:10Willie, look!
19:12It's snow.
19:14Snow!
19:15I finally get to see snow!
19:18You in there.
19:19I want to talk to you about that tree.
19:27Merry Christmas, Al.
19:28Merry Christmas, Willie.
19:31Yes.
19:34This is great, Brian.
19:47It's for giving eye exams, right?
19:50No.
19:51You look into it and push the button.
19:55It's Sylvester and Tweety.
19:56Die, cat.
19:58Die, cat.
20:00Die.
20:00Yeah.
20:01What a great Christmas.
20:03Yeah.
20:04And we ended up with a really beautiful tree.
20:07It should be.
20:08It cost me $367, what with the fine and the towing.
20:13Who are these presents for?
20:15Oh, I almost forgot.
20:17A few tokens from the old Alfer.
20:20Well, you got us presents?
20:22Al, you can't shop.
20:24This is America, Kate.
20:26Everybody can shop.
20:28I used a catalog.
20:30A catalog?
20:31From where?
20:32The hardware hamlet.
20:33My account?
20:35Who else's?
20:37Thanks, Al.
20:38Look.
20:39A staple gun.
20:40We need a leaf blower.
20:42Goodness.
20:44A rotary sander for me.
20:46Weatherstripping.
20:48My, my.
20:49It is the thought that counts.
20:51And the important thing is we're all together.
20:54In the words of the immortal, St. Frosty the Snowman,
20:58God bless us all, everyone.
21:00Everyone.
21:10God bless us all, everyone.