W.H.t.T.L.L. S02 E09. The Expert.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 12th March 1974.  After a big row with Bob Thelma goes back to her parents and Terry comes round to advise Bob on how to win her back.   James Bolam - Terry Collier Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris Brigit Forsyth - Thelma Juliet Aykroyd - Anthea Bay White - Mrs. Greenlands Rose Power - Neighbour

Transcript

00:00Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me, and what became of that people we used to be?

00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast, it's the only thing to look forward to, the past.

00:30Yes?

00:46Morning, kidder. Have you seen me clean socks? Where's Thelma?

00:50She's gone.

00:51Pardon?

00:52She's gone.

00:53Gone to breakfast?

00:53No. Gone, gone.

00:56You mean gone to whom?

00:57Obviously. My wife has left me.

01:00Where was this, then?

01:00About six o'clock. I heard her moving around. I thought she'd just gone to the bathroom, but her car's gone and she's gone.

01:05It's a bit early, isn't it? She doesn't still do that paper round, does she?

01:10Don't be flippant. It's not so funny, Terry. It's not so funny at all.

01:14Sorry, sorry.

01:14Why? Why did she have to turn up here last night? Why?

01:18Well, it's your average wife's basic lack of trust, isn't it?

01:21It was just an innocent fishing weekend, just the lads. It's so unfair.

01:25It was a trip to the motor show or a football excursion to Amsterdam or even a club out into Morecambe. I could understand it.

01:32But it was just you and I innocently fishing up the tine. I haven't done anything.

01:37Well, I know you haven't. So why the dawn departure?

01:40Well, that's your fault, that, isn't it?

01:42Oh, it's my fault, is it? It's always my fault. Whenever you get into any sort of trouble, it's my fault. How is it my fault?

01:48Well, last night you arranged something, didn't you, with that sexy barmaid?

01:51What? Well, I put out a few feelers, yes. I mean, there was a lot of hinting and winking going on, but those things never come to out.

01:58Well, last night they did. Last night your number came up.

02:02She came up here?

02:03Yes.

02:05She came up here after lights out, like?

02:08After Thelma and I had put the lights out, yes.

02:12Oh, I see.

02:14And Thelma thought that you and her were...

02:18It's not so funny, Terry. It's not so funny at all.

02:21No, no, of course not.

02:22As far as I'm concerned, it's tragic.

02:24Yes, yes, it's tragic.

02:29It is not a laughing matter, Terry.

02:31My wife has left me, because of your nocturnal rendezvous.

02:35You mean to say that barmaid, actually?

02:38Well, I never. It is tragic.

02:43Tragic for me? What a waste.

02:45A golden moment, lost forever.

02:47Typical of my rotten look.

02:49Well, what about my look?

02:50If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

02:52Well, don't worry. When we get back, I'll go around and see Thelma and give evidence on your behalf.

02:56No, you don't. That'd be fatal. You'd only convince her of my guilt.

03:00This is something that only I can handle.

03:02I don't want your help. I don't want your advice.

03:04This is something I ought to sort out on my own.

03:06Fine. Good. Right.

03:09What am I going to do, Terry? What am I going to do?

03:11Pardon?

03:12You're talking to me?

03:13Well, of course I am.

03:14Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were going to handle this yourself.

03:16I am. I am. I'm just asking you.

03:19What can I do?

03:20Look, Bob.

03:25Don't do anything.

03:28Sometimes it's better if you don't try to explain things.

03:31If there's a crisis, you just walk straight through it as if it wasn't there.

03:35It's a question of attitude. It's a question of mind over matter.

03:37I don't follow you.

03:38You remember Malcolm Price?

03:40Little Mal?

03:41I had a moustache and a funny walk.

03:43I had a funny moustache, if I remember.

03:44Yeah, well, the women didn't find it so funny, I can tell you, because he was always putting it about.

03:49Didn't he marry that Dougie Pringle sister, Sandra?

03:55Yes, yes. I think that was the one.

03:57Anyhow.

03:57Dougie only had one ear, you know.

03:59Yes, yes, I know, Bob. I know.

04:01At school, we used to call him Lugless Douglas.

04:06Look, Bob, can we leave the childhood reminiscences for later?

04:09Sorry, sorry. You were saying...

04:10I was saying...

04:11What was I saying?

04:13Oh, yes, yes.

04:13Well, Malcolm was at this party one night, and he works for this cosmetic firm, you know,

04:18so you can imagine what the crumpet was like.

04:20Anyhow, the following morning, he wakes up with the most incredible hangover.

04:24And his wife says to him...

04:25Sandra?

04:25Sandra, yes, Sandra.

04:27She says, I'm going down to the supermarket. Can I borrow the car?

04:30So Malcolm says, yes, yes. I mean, he's not bothered.

04:32He's still trying to find the roof of his mouth.

04:34But what does she find on the front seat of the car?

04:39What?

04:40Only his underpants.

04:41What is underpants doing on the front seat?

04:46Oh, Bob, come on.

04:47I know you've got a lot on your mind at the moment, but try and use a little bit of imagination.

04:52Oh, yes, underpants.

04:54My word.

04:55Quite.

04:56But the worst is yet to come.

04:58There is a telephone number written on the underpants in black eyebrow pencil.

05:04Whose number was it?

05:07Well, as it happened, it was the girl on the switchboard, but that is neither here nor there.

05:11What is important as Malcolm's attitude in this moment of crisis?

05:15I mean, what do you say when your wife comes into the room waving a pair of autographs Y-fronts, eh?

05:20What would you say?

05:21Me?

05:22Oh, God.

05:23Well, I suppose I'd say, they must be Terry's I gave him a lift home last night.

05:29Oh, that's typical, that is.

05:31Trust you to turn around and blame me.

05:33Well, what did Malcolm say?

05:35Ah, well, this is the whole point.

05:37He just looked straight through her and he said, I refuse to discuss the matter.

05:41And the matter was never discussed again.

05:45Just like that?

05:47I refuse to discuss the matter?

05:49Well, not like that.

05:50You've got to say it like he did, as if you really meant it.

05:52Like you know the subject's never going to be brought up again.

05:56I refuse to discuss the matter.

05:58I refuse to discuss the matter.

06:00Well, that's better, that's better.

06:02I refuse to discuss the matter.

06:05Try it with a Thelma at the end or the beginning.

06:07Thelma, I refuse to discuss the matter.

06:10Thelma, I absolutely refuse to discuss the matter.

06:12I put an absolutely in that time.

06:14It helped, it helped.

06:16Thelma, I absolutely refuse to discuss the matter.

06:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

06:21That's a bit savage, that's a bit menacing.

06:23You're Henry Fonda, not Anthony Quinn.

06:26I refuse to discuss the matter.

06:30Perfect.

06:31You see, it's just a question of mind over matter.

06:34If you can convince her it doesn't matter, she's not going to mind.

06:37Right, yeah, very good, very good.

06:39Point taken, convince her.

06:40Mind over matter.

06:41Right.

06:42Good lad.

06:42But you'll come in with me, won't you?

06:44Oh, yes, if you like.

06:46On the way, we'll get her some flowers or some chocolates

06:48or a big fluffy teddy bear from that shop in Blackett Street.

06:51Bob, Bob, man, you're innocent.

06:53Good God, man, you know the laws of marriage as well as I do.

06:57And one of the first principles is presence equal guilt.

07:01Right, yeah, good thinking, Terry.

07:03Right, now, I'll finish my pack and you do, though, yours,

07:05and I'll see you downstairs.

07:06Right, OK.

07:07Terry!

07:08Oh, now what?

07:10Hey, that barmaid, what did you arrange?

07:14I mean, what did you say there?

07:15Get her up here like?

07:17I refuse to discuss the matter.

07:34You wait for us, then?

07:36Of course I will.

07:36You can run me home when you've said what has to be said.

07:38Well, that won't take long as I'm refusing to discuss the matter.

07:42Quite.

07:44Go on, then, shift yourself.

07:45Thelma, where are you going?

08:00To my mother's.

08:01Why?

08:02What do you expect me to do after last night?

08:04Ah, Thelma, about last night, I...

08:06I refuse to discuss the matter.

08:08I've made you a nice hot cup of tea.

08:26She's left me.

08:27Now, drink it while it's hot.

08:29I never had a chance to...

08:29I think you put the sugar in, because you don't take sugar in tea now, do you?

08:33She's left me.

08:34She hasn't left you for long.

08:35Well, how do you figure that out?

08:37Case was too small.

08:39You're such an expert, you, aren't you?

08:41I should never listen to you in the first place.

08:43I should have bought the chocolates or the flowers or the teddy bear or all three.

08:47Fatal.

08:48Well, what, pray, could be more fatal than this?

08:50Bob, this is just another fence in the steeplechase of marriage.

08:53You'll get over it.

08:54But what is important now is how you behave.

08:58Now, that is critical.

09:00You know, I'm sick of your tuition, master bloody mind.

09:03The reason I get into critical situations is because I keep using you as a marriage guidance counsellor.

09:08You, whose own marriage ground to a halt in a matter of months.

09:13It's only natural for you to be like this.

09:16Go away, leave me alone.

09:17It's only natural for you to want me to go.

09:20Me, who's the only person who can help you through this situation.

09:23Will you stop being so understanding?

09:25Because it does not become you.

09:27It does not become you.

09:30It's only natural for you to lose control.

09:32I understand.

09:34All right, since you're going to tell me anyway,

09:36what would you do in this situation?

09:38Ah, well, I would never have got into this situation.

09:41Letting me wife leave me, I'd have left her.

09:46Well, I would have left her if I'd known she was going to leave me.

09:50Well, it's a bit late for that now, isn't it?

09:52As I say, it's what you do now that matters.

09:55What do I do?

09:58Nothing.

09:59Nothing?

10:00Nothing.

10:01You do nothing.

10:03Going round, ringing her up, apologising, sending flowers, all that is fatal.

10:08You just pretend you don't give her rats.

10:11Just relax, man.

10:12Oh, my wife has left me.

10:15I don't give her rats.

10:17More champagne.

10:19Relax.

10:20This is the lowest point in my life.

10:21My marriage is in shreds around me.

10:23Come on, Bob, man.

10:24It's early days yet.

10:26Going back to their mother, they all do that, don't they?

10:29You've got your whole lives in front of you.

10:31You're just at the dawn of your disasters.

10:36You know, at times like this, you really are a great help, Terry.

10:39I like to think so.

10:41Come on now, drink that tea while it's hot.

10:44All right, is it?

10:44Yes, it's very nice, thank you.

10:46It's lovely.

10:46Good, good.

10:47Don't you think I should go round there?

10:48Definitely not.

10:49That's what they expect of you.

10:51And if you don't, it confuses them.

10:52They don't know what to do.

10:54The ball's in your court, kidder.

10:55It's your advantage.

10:56Just like a tennis match.

10:59It is, it is, man.

11:00It's just like a tennis match.

11:02And it's your service.

11:04Only knowing you, it's bound to be a double fault.

11:07Terry, how long were you married?

11:09How long were you actually married to Uta?

11:13Well, I suppose, uh, best part of two years, on and off.

11:17Mostly off.

11:19So you didn't enjoy a great deal of married life?

11:23Well, no, no, I suppose I didn't, if you put it that way.

11:25No, why?

11:25You're such an expert, you.

11:27In such a short time, you're such an expert.

11:30A working man's guide to married life.

11:32I am trying to give you the benefit of my bitter experience.

11:36Did you ever go through this kind of situation with Uta?

11:40You know, where she thought you might have been putting it about?

11:45From time to time.

11:46Nothing as drastic as little man, mind.

11:49But there was once.

11:51What?

11:51Well, somebody once told Uta that while she was at work, I'd been seeing this waff.

11:58Now, she's a canny little thing, mind.

11:59Came from up here.

12:01Couldn't half-supper air, so we had a lot in common.

12:04Anyway, one afternoon, Uta comes home early from work, and she didn't half give me some stick about it.

12:10And believe you me, German stick's a damn sight worse than English stick.

12:13She went on about how it was the talk of the old barracks, how I'd been having it away with this waff, and she was going back to her mother.

12:18So I said, now, just you wait one minute, my girl.

12:22Just you wait one minute.

12:24And this is what you have got to tell, Thelma.

12:27Uta, I said, where is a marriage without some basic trust?

12:31Without that instinct that tells you when to trust your partner in life, where are we?

12:38Where are we, I said?

12:39Where are we?

12:40And where were you?

12:42Nowhere.

12:44She found the waff in the airing cupboard.

12:46There you are.

13:01Now drink that while it's hot.

13:05I'll put some sugar in, because you must have sugar in cocoa.

13:08I thought she would have rung.

13:09No, no, no, not when they're at the mother's.

13:12No, because she'll be stopping her like you're stopping me.

13:14Bob, I am not stopping you from ringing, Thelma.

13:17I am advising you.

13:18Oh, pretty strong advice.

13:19Every time I move near the phone, you threaten to rip it out the wall.

13:23She'll be back tomorrow.

13:24Perhaps.

13:25Anyway, you've got me here.

13:26Me and little Norman.

13:30Well, Norman makes it worse, really, because he smells of Thelma's cologne.

13:35Why?

13:36He's a bit like that, is he?

13:39Will you be all right in the spare, is he dead?

13:41Yes, yes, I've slept in worse places than that.

13:45Appreciate you staying.

13:46At least I can do.

13:47I suppose you've been sitting next to the phone all night, guarding it.

13:50Bob, I know that your natural instinct is to want to ring up Thelma, knowing she's only two penneth away.

13:56But that is what she expects.

13:58And sometimes if you do something that is unexpected, it gives you the edge on them.

14:02Remember Ronnie Oliver?

14:04Why, quiet lad.

14:05He married that janitor who was a bit...

14:07Yeah, it always was.

14:08Funnily enough, she once went out with Lugless Douglas.

14:11Yes.

14:13So I heard.

14:14More than he did, poor lad.

14:16Yes, yes.

14:16But the point is, when Ronnie found that she had been seeing this car salesman, his reaction was very surprising.

14:25Yeah, if I remember from the Northern Echo, he went down the garage, dragged the salesman through the car wash, then threw him through the showroom window.

14:32Exactly.

14:33But that was not like him.

14:34He wasn't happy doing that.

14:36But he did it for the sake of his marriage, and what was the result?

14:40Three months for a certain battery.

14:41Yes, yes, yes.

14:44But when he came back, she hardly dared raise her voice to him.

14:49Few of us did.

14:50And as long as you get me point, it sometimes pays to do the unexpected.

14:54Do you think it'd be a good idea to throw Thelma through a plate glass window?

14:58Not at this stage, no.

15:00Now, you get yourself a good night's sleep.

15:03Thanks, Terry.

15:03You know, I've been thinking, Bob, when Yutra and I were going through our crisis, we might have been able to patch it up, you know, save our marriage, if only I had had a friend like me.

15:21There's no answer to that.

15:22Bob, I've made you some coffee, now come and drink it while it's hot.

15:43Is that the time?

15:44Why didn't you wake me?

15:45I thought it best to let you sleep on, because you didn't get a winkle about four, did you?

15:49I heard you moving about and talking to little Norman.

15:53I'm supposed to be at work.

15:55Nobody can expect you to go to work when you're in the middle of an emotional crisis.

15:59Anyway, it's best that you're here when she comes back.

16:01Oh, what makes you so certain she will come back?

16:03Of course she'll come back.

16:05She'll come back to get some clean things.

16:07And she'll come back when she thinks that you're at work.

16:09And that's when we lock her in the bedroom.

16:12Now, look what you made me do.

16:14Have you got a hanky?

16:15Oh, leave it, man, leave it.

16:16Sometimes I think you're not worth saving.

16:18What do you mean, we lock her in the bedroom?

16:20I've got it all worked out.

16:21Listen, now, you remember Alan Stamp, who married that bonnie girl who worked in the dairy?

16:26Barbara?

16:27Barbara, yes.

16:28Her father was a strange man.

16:30He was the one who exposed himself on Whitley Bay Seafront August 10th.

16:34Yes, well, can we go on to that later, Bob?

16:38Fortunately, it was a wet August.

16:40Yes.

16:41The point is that Alan locked Barbara in the bedroom.

16:45Why?

16:45Because she went too far.

16:47So in the middle of one of her tantrums, he just walks out the bedroom, locks the door, and goes off to see the lads.

16:52Well, isn't that a bit drastic?

16:54I mean, is that a sensible tactic?

16:56Certainly it is.

16:56It gives them time to cool off.

16:58And they can't get over what you've done, you see, because it's unexpected, unpredictable, masculine.

17:03And when you open that door a few hours later, you'll have a different woman on your hands.

17:08All humble and apologetic.

17:10And desperate to go to the lavatory, I should think.

17:13Oh, yes, yes, but it all helps, man, it all helps.

17:15It's hard for a woman to give you a stick when she's dying for a pee.

17:20I think that's very dodgy.

17:22Not at all, Captain.

17:23It's the old caveman bit, and they all respect that in the end.

17:28Yeah, that is a valid point, the caveman, yes.

17:30Makes them know they've got a man about the house.

17:32Do you remember Vin Welsh?

17:34In the greenhouse.

17:35Aye, aye.

17:35With that...

17:36It's Thelma.

17:39I told you.

17:46I told you she'd be back.

17:48I just couldn't have a walk.

17:49No, no, no, no.

17:50Let her come to you.

17:54She's going upstairs.

17:55Of course she's going upstairs.

17:56She's going up to get a clean nightie and a tube of toothpaste.

17:59She hasn't come back to you, not yet.

18:01Now is your chance.

18:03What?

18:04To lock her in the bedroom.

18:09Go on then, go on.

18:12Well, I just think, I just think.

18:13Bob, Bob, Bob, she is your wife.

18:16This is your house.

18:17This is where she belongs.

18:18If you lock her in the bedroom now, she can't go back to her mother.

18:21And if she does, this whole thing could drag on for months.

18:24Yeah, that is a valid point, Terry.

18:26Caveman.

18:27The caveman, yes.

18:28I just think I'm on.

18:34Thelma, this is our house.

18:36You're my wife.

18:37And this is where you belong.

18:39Good lad.

18:40I've got your coat.

18:43Mr. Ferris.

18:46Mr. Ferris, what's happened?

18:49Mr. Ferris, let me out.

18:51Cheers, pet.

18:54There you are.

18:55Now drink that while it's cold.

18:58It doesn't seem right sitting here drinking with Thelma locked in the bedroom.

19:02No, just let her simmer for a couple of hours.

19:05You make her sound like a stew.

19:08You'll see the difference.

19:10We'll leave the heating on.

19:11That room gets very chilly.

19:12Well, she can always go to bed, can't she?

19:14Cuddle up to little Norman.

19:15Oh, well, let's have a game of darts.

19:17Oh, it's all right for you, isn't it?

19:18You're not emotionally involved.

19:20All right for you sitting there dispensing advice like Marjorie Proops.

19:22I am involved, Bob.

19:24I am involved in protecting the innocent, and you are innocent, remember?

19:29Just because she wouldn't listen to your view of the matter.

19:31Well, I thought I was going to refuse to discuss the matter.

19:34Well, she didn't even give you a chance not to discuss the matter.

19:37I'd better ring the library.

19:39What for?

19:39Well, she's supposed to be at work, isn't she?

19:41They're going to wonder why she's not there.

19:43What are you going to tell them?

19:44Well, I won't say I've locked her in the bedroom.

19:46I'll make an excuse.

19:48I say she's been taken poorly.

19:51Her old trouble's come back again.

19:53What's her old trouble?

19:56Chilblains.

19:58Chilblains?

19:58Oh, sorry, this is Robert Ferris here, Thelma Ferris's husband.

20:02I was just ringing to say she won't be in this afternoon.

20:04She's not feeling too well.

20:06Chilblains.

20:07She won't be in?

20:09Just a minute.

20:10It's your husband.

20:11He says she won't be in today.

20:13You're not feeling well.

20:15What are you talking about?

20:16Honestly.

20:17Here, let me have a word.

20:20Hello?

20:20Hello.

20:21I'm just ringing on behalf of Thelma Ferris.

20:24Just to say she won't be in this afternoon.

20:26She's not feeling too well.

20:28Best to keep her indoors.

20:29You know, you can't be too careful.

20:31Is it serious?

20:32No, no, no.

20:33Just her old trouble, Chilblains.

20:36She'll be back tomorrow.

20:38Thank you for letting me know.

20:39Not at all.

20:41What on earth was all that about?

20:43Anthea, would you mind holding the fort for a bit?

20:45I'm going to slip home and find out what's going on.

20:47Of course, pet.

20:48Perhaps it's your husband who isn't feeling well.

20:54Come on, kidder.

20:55Get that down, yeah?

20:56I feel terrible.

20:58There's only one solution.

20:59Throw yourself into your darts.

21:01Away.

21:03Away.

21:04Away.

21:05Away.

21:06Away.

21:07Away.

21:08Away.

21:09Away.

21:10Away.

21:13Do you know what's going on?

21:14Apparently, Mr. Ferris locked some woman in his bedroom.

21:19Hey, Snowgood, I can't concentrate.

21:27It's dangerous to play darts when your mind's not on it.

21:29Let's pack it in.

21:30Right.

21:31Well, that's 5p, Yomi.

21:33All right, all right.

21:34Oh, you're such a worrier, aren't you?

21:36Women don't like that, you know.

21:38You've got to be firm.

21:39You've never been firm with your women, have you?

21:42I've always had to carry you through your emotional crises.

21:45Crises.

21:46Pardon?

21:47The word is crises.

21:48Well, whatever the word is, I've always had to carry you through them.

21:50You've always caused them, you.

21:52No, I have not, you have, ever since Park Juniors.

21:55If I've ever had a hang-up with a woman, you can bet your life you were the bottom of it.

21:58As I recall, at Park Juniors, I once stopped you from making a complete fool of yourself

22:03over that English mistress, Miss Lundy.

22:07There was definitely something there, some spark when our eyes met.

22:12Even as a naive adolescent, I couldn't fail to be aware of that.

22:14All she asked you to do was stay behind and fill the inkwells.

22:18That's the way she said it.

22:21Two years you spent topping up our inkwells and cleaning that blackboard and you've never

22:25gotten out.

22:26You've never even got a pass in English.

22:28I might have stood some chance if you hadn't told her it was me who wrote that mucky poem

22:32about her in the bicycle sheds.

22:34It was all for your own good.

22:36I've always stopped you from any sort of relationship that was no good to you.

22:40Relationships you should never have got into in the first place.

22:45Celia Fulcher, for instance.

22:47Ah, yes, Celia.

22:48After you persuaded me to give her up, you went out with her for six months.

22:52I could handle her.

22:53I'd have liked to.

22:56She was wrong for you, Bob.

22:58As was that demonstrated.

23:00As was that coloured nurse who wanted to take you home with her.

23:03If it hadn't been for me, you'd be cutting sugar cane in the Windward Islands by now.

23:08At least I've been well out of your way in the Windward Islands.

23:11I might have stood some chance of building up a secure future out there.

23:15Said I'd never be able to relax.

23:17I'd always jump at the sound of every ship's hooter.

23:19Knowing that one day you might come down the gangplank and threaten my happiness.

23:23You always hurt the one you love, Robert.

23:26Yes, I'm sure I'm hurting the one I love right now.

23:28What happened when Alan let Barbara out of the bedroom?

23:31Ah, well, that was a bit unfortunate.

23:34What do you mean, unfortunate?

23:36She never spoke to him again.

23:38Oh, my God!

23:39Yeah, but he overdid it.

23:41He didn't open the door for three days.

24:02Well, go on, then.

24:03Why are you coming in with me?

24:04There's some things a man has to do on his own.

24:06You were with me when I locked her in the bedroom.

24:08Yes, but I don't think I should be when you let her out of the bedroom.

24:11What are you going to do, then?

24:12Well, I'll just sit here while you make it up.

24:14You can have a cuddle and a cup of tea, and then you can run me home.

24:18She leaves me again.

24:19Then Thelma can run me home.

24:20Thelma, before I let you out, I want you to listen to me.

24:47As I said, this is our house, you're my wife, and this is where you belong.

24:53But I want you to realise that I can be firm and domineering and unpredictable.

24:59Thelma?

25:02Thelma, you wronged me with your assumptions, Thelma.

25:06You wouldn't listen to me this morning when I wanted to refuse to discuss the matter.

25:09Well, I still refuse to discuss the matter.

25:12If only you listened to me.

25:14I'm going to unlock this door now, and I want you to come downstairs with me and discuss the facts.

25:19But I want you to realise that I am the master in this house.

25:23Thelma?

25:29Thelma?

25:32Thelma?

25:34I've always thought there was insanity in the Ferris family.

25:37Thelma?

25:38I've always put down your absent-mindedness to a sort of lovable eccentricity, Bob.

25:42But I realise now that you're right round the twist.

25:45First of all, you ring me up and tell me where I'm not where I am.

25:48And then you lock Mrs Greenland in the bedroom and she won't be coming back.

25:51As she said herself, not while that madman's in the house.

25:54Thelma, unlock this door at once.

25:56Oh, you're being masterful and domineering now, are you?

25:58Well, I don't know what you thought you were playing at locking me in the bedroom.

26:01But you can think about that now while I go back to my mother's.

26:03Let me out, Thelma.

26:22Thelma, let me out!

26:23Thelma, let me out!

26:53Bob!

26:58Bob!

27:03What?

27:04Do you think you could make it onto this?

27:05Don't be silly.

27:06I'd break me leg if that ladder slipped.

27:08But I'd be holding it.

27:09Quite.

27:11What might the locksmith arrive in?

27:13Sometime.

27:13He didn't say when exactly.

27:14You ring for an ambulance?

27:16Why?

27:17Cos you'll need one when I get hold of you.

27:19Now, Bob, it's only natural for you to abuse your most loyal and valued friend.

27:26Here.

27:27Take this.

27:28What is it?

27:29I made you a flask of Oxo.

27:31Now, bring it while it's hot.

27:33Oh, what happened to you?

27:39Whatever happened to me?

27:43What became of the people we used to be?

27:50Oh, what happened to you?

27:54Whatever happened to me?

27:57What became of the people we used to be?

28:05Oh, what happened to you?

28:09Whatever happened to me?

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