- 2 days ago
First broadcast 23rd December 1964.
When Bob is upset following another failed romance Terry decides to cheer him up by asking the two girls who have just walked into the cafe to go on a double date with them.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Coral Atkins - Deirdre
Susan Jameson - Pat
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
When Bob is upset following another failed romance Terry decides to cheer him up by asking the two girls who have just walked into the cafe to go on a double date with them.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Coral Atkins - Deirdre
Susan Jameson - Pat
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:30It, uh, it helps, does it?
00:47What do you mean?
00:48Coming to a dump like this helps you to forget.
00:51Did you used to bring her here? Is that it?
00:53It's all right. It's quiet.
00:55Oh, aye, it's quiet.
00:56You see the dust when he rang the till up?
00:57Do you know what they've got on the jukebox here?
01:00Guy Mitchell.
01:02Him and Monty Varney.
01:04Look, mate, I just want a cup of coffee, just quiet like.
01:07Oh, come on, Bob.
01:08She's giving you the push, all right.
01:10You'll get over it.
01:12You always do.
01:13What's that supposed to mean?
01:15Ah, you know.
01:16It's got to be the real thing with you, with any woman you take out.
01:19This wasn't just any woman.
01:21This was it.
01:23Oh, it was it, was it?
01:24If it's been it once this year, it's been it 20 times.
01:28No, it doesn't, as well you know.
01:31We were engaged.
01:32Were you well?
01:34Unofficially.
01:35Since when?
01:36You didn't act much like a fiancée on holiday.
01:39I suppose that didn't count, playing away.
01:42Did she get to hear about those women we met in Spain?
01:44Yeah.
01:46I thought it's been building up for a long time now.
01:48She didn't like not getting that postcard.
01:51You did post it, didn't you?
01:53What?
01:54Oh, I told you I did.
01:56Yeah.
01:56Well, she didn't believe us.
01:58Well, didn't she like her paper knife?
01:59A present from Tossa Del Mar?
02:01No.
02:02I don't think she did.
02:04Oh, you're better off without her, mate.
02:06Yeah.
02:06Yeah, well, I wouldn't expect you to understand anyway.
02:10She was different, Felicity.
02:13She didn't like me, I know that.
02:17Well, you're crude.
02:20She was coming between us, Robert.
02:22Look, I don't find the situation very funny.
02:24Oh, come on, Bob.
02:25Snap out of it.
02:26Wait till we go out tonight and see what happens.
02:27I'm not going out.
02:28You what?
02:29You're coming out with me for a few beers.
02:31No, thanks.
02:32Are you rotten?
02:34I could have had a date tonight, you know.
02:35Oh, who with?
02:38Well, Anita Tupper.
02:42Anita Tupper?
02:44I've done you a good turn, then.
02:47Oh, then.
02:48You all right, Anita.
02:49Who was it a big girl, that?
02:51Break your back if you tried out.
02:54That's not the point.
02:55The point is you're coming out with me tonight.
02:57I mean, you're finished with this woman, right?
02:58No, I thought I might go around there tomorrow afternoon
03:01and talk things over again.
03:02Well, all right, but you can still come out with me tonight
03:04for a quiet drink.
03:05Just a swift half.
03:06Oh, aye, I know what a swift half means with you.
03:09Do you good, man.
03:12Oh.
03:13Come on, anyhow, you're right.
03:15Just let me finish this.
03:16Well, hurry it up.
03:18Place gets on my wick.
03:19I've never...
03:20Don't rush it, mate.
03:22I think that'll be...
03:23Same again, please.
03:25What's up?
03:26Hey.
03:27What?
03:27Over there.
03:28Oh.
03:31Hmm.
03:32What do you think?
03:33Not bad.
03:34She's all right.
03:35Which one?
03:35The blonde bit.
03:37Hey, I know the other one.
03:38You don't.
03:39I've seen her somewhere.
03:40I think she knows our Audrey.
03:42Pat, that's her name.
03:43Pat Welsh.
03:44Hey, they know they're being talked about.
03:46Oh, yeah?
03:47Looking over here and giggling.
03:49Have you ever wondered what they talk about, women,
03:52when they're on their own?
03:53Not much.
03:54I have.
03:54You would.
03:56Our Audrey says what you read on the wall in the ladies
03:58would make your hair curl.
04:00Oh, that's nice.
04:02Oh, I'd give anything to know what they're talking about.
04:05One thing.
04:06I bet they know we're talking about them.
04:08I bet they think we don't know they're talking about us.
04:11I think I've seen one of them before.
04:14Oh, which one?
04:14The one that keeps on low-key.
04:16It's a cocky one.
04:17Oh.
04:18Who is he?
04:19He don't know.
04:20Why not?
04:21He was just looking, that's all.
04:23Oh.
04:23Oh, it's all right now.
04:28Shall we, uh, have something to eat there?
04:31Um, no, I don't think so.
04:34Well, I think I do know him.
04:37Who is he?
04:38I think he's Audrey Collier's brother.
04:40She's a girl I know.
04:41Oh.
04:42Hey, up, he's back on watch again.
04:44Is he?
04:45Yeah.
04:46Oh, the way he looks at you.
04:48As if he'd got X-ray eyes.
04:50Ooh.
04:51Ooh, his friend.
04:53Do you know him?
04:54No.
04:54Ooh, he's a little ray of sunshine, isn't he?
04:57What do you mean?
04:58Oh, he's that miserable-looking devil.
05:01Oh, I don't know.
05:03I quite like that.
05:05Serious.
05:06He looks a bit like Roy Orbison.
05:08Well, he does.
05:09Oh, stop whispering.
05:11They'll think we're talking about them.
05:15What would you like to do tonight, Deirdre?
05:17I mean, I'd like you to have a good time while you're here.
05:19We could go to a dance, if you like, or the pictures.
05:21Yeah, I wouldn't make too many plans if I were you.
05:24I've got a feeling our evening's all been arranged for us.
05:28Well, it's worth a try, anyhow.
05:29I do know her.
05:30Come on.
05:31Hang on a minute.
05:32You mustn't rush into things like this.
05:35Got to get things sorted out first.
05:36What are you getting at?
05:38Well, mine's all right, but I don't think much of yours.
05:41Oh, it's like that, is it?
05:43The old hormones have started working.
05:47No, it's not that.
05:49I haven't forgotten the works outing, that's all.
05:51I don't want to end up with bow legs and a moustache again.
05:55That was a blind date.
05:56Too right.
05:57Well, you can see them.
06:01She's all right.
06:02Which one?
06:03Partner, when you say you know.
06:04All right, then I'll have her mate.
06:06There's nothing wrong with her, is there?
06:08Oh, but no, she's all right.
06:11No, there's bound to be a catch somewhere.
06:12Something even her best friends won't tell her.
06:15Oh, I'm telling you, she's all right.
06:18Hey.
06:18What?
06:21Yours is called Deidre.
06:23How do you know?
06:24I've just heard what's her name?
06:26Pat call her that.
06:28Deidre?
06:28Deidre, me.
06:32Still, I fancy that.
06:33She's got a nice body.
06:35Hey, Collier, you aren't half sex starved.
06:37Watch it, man, they'll hear us.
06:39They are talking about us.
06:40How do you know?
06:41I just heard him say something about being sex starved.
06:44Oh, that'd be us.
06:48Do you think they'll come over?
06:49Oh, you know him.
06:50I don't.
06:51No, I don't.
06:51Not really.
06:52Not properly.
06:54Hey, suppose he'll ask us out tonight?
06:56Well, there would be so much to do, wouldn't it?
06:58I mean, we haven't got any pressing engagements.
07:04Well, I will if you will.
07:06Oh, will what?
07:07Oh, go out tonight.
07:10Well, let's just see what happens, eh?
07:14Hey, they're carrying on.
07:16Quick, which one do you want?
07:17Oh, you have sunshine.
07:19I can handle that other one.
07:21All right.
07:22Here it comes, the takeover bid.
07:26What are they doing?
07:27Oh, you've seen it all before.
07:29Hitch your trousers up, straighten your tie,
07:30and think of some quick repartee.
07:35Three, two, one, zero.
07:39Hey, can we do your washing for three weeks?
07:42Oh, am I in time for the wrestling?
07:51What?
07:51Oh, hello, Audrey.
07:52No, I'm just getting the results.
07:53Here, Bob.
07:54Our Terry told me you're taking out Pat Welsh tonight.
07:57Yeah, that's right.
07:58Nice go, Pat.
07:59Hey, Terry, the Spurs lost.
08:00Champion.
08:01And Sunderland won away.
08:03Never.
08:03They must have shot the goalie.
08:05Why haven't you got the sound turned off?
08:06Oh, I can never concentrate when that fella's nattering on.
08:10Hey, Terry, division two.
08:11Hey, look at that.
08:14Five, one.
08:15Oh, not again.
08:16Oh, five, one.
08:18Oh, come on, let's have it off.
08:21Look, what are we going to do tonight?
08:23They're pathetic.
08:24What are we going to do, Bob, with these women?
08:26I don't know.
08:27Have you got any ideas?
08:28Well, I know what I'd like to do.
08:30Yeah, you've got a one-track mind.
08:31Now, come on, Bob, let's arrange something.
08:33Haven't you got any ideas?
08:34Well, all right, then.
08:36We could have a couple of drinks
08:39and then take them out for a meal somewhere.
08:40There's that new Chinese place.
08:42Well, that's not much cop, is it?
08:44Well, look, mate, you ask for ideas.
08:46I know, but...
08:47Look, I'm just doing you a favour.
08:49I'm going round to Felicity tomorrow afternoon.
08:51That's all I'm worried about.
08:53I know you fancy this Deirdre,
08:55so all right, I'll make the numbers up.
08:57I'd rather have an early night myself.
08:58Ah, good lad, Bob.
09:00She's all right, Deirdre.
09:01Not bad.
09:02She's got good legs, I'll give you that.
09:03Classic legs, mate.
09:04Lovely body and all.
09:05She's a bit scraggy around the hips.
09:07Never.
09:08Just right.
09:09She's all there.
09:10Long hair down here.
09:11Who all gets me that?
09:12Mine pat's all right, too.
09:13Not bad.
09:14Nice face.
09:15Yeah.
09:16Good figure.
09:16Yeah.
09:17Good teeth, too.
09:18Eh.
09:20What's the matter with you?
09:21You two.
09:22Where are you taking them tonight?
09:24Smithfield Market.
09:26What do you mean?
09:27Well, they're not livestock, you know.
09:29Good teeth.
09:30She's a hairdresser, not a horse.
09:33Oh, why don't you go and paint your nails?
09:35Well, you have a good time tonight anyway, Bob.
09:38She's a nice girl, Pat.
09:39Of course she is.
09:40Good legs, too.
09:42Can't you think about higher things for a change?
09:45Yeah, they're not bad, no.
09:48Come on, then, Bob.
09:48Don't forget to wash behind your ears.
09:50What time are we seeing them?
09:51Half past seven.
09:52What are you going to wear?
09:53I thought I'd just go like this.
09:55Oh, come on.
09:56You've got to make an effort.
09:57You can bet one thing,
09:58they'll be getting all tarted up.
10:01Not likely.
10:03I'm not putting on me best get up for him.
10:06I know his sort.
10:07What do you mean?
10:08I'd never get the creases out.
10:10I don't know what to wear myself.
10:12Will this be all right?
10:14Oh, yeah, that'll do.
10:16I like you in that, actually.
10:17Yeah, but, I mean,
10:18I don't know where we're going.
10:20Hey, I wish I knew what they'd do with us.
10:22I know what that Terry would like to do.
10:25Oh, he's all right.
10:26I thought he fancied you.
10:28Two brown nails and he'd fancy me grandmother.
10:32Do you think they'll take us to the pictures?
10:34No.
10:35They'll take us for a drink.
10:36That's what they'll do.
10:37They'll try and get us all popped up.
10:40Well, I don't drink in any case.
10:42You won't.
10:42I did get drunk once last New Year.
10:45Here I felt awe.
10:46Well, we're bound to go for a drink first.
10:47Do you think so?
10:48Yeah.
10:50Oh, all right, I'll wear this.
10:52Do you think he'll like it?
10:53Yeah, he'll love it.
10:55He didn't seem, well, you know, very keen.
10:57Oh, get away.
10:59That was just his gimmick.
11:00He liked you, all right.
11:01Do you think so?
11:02Yeah.
11:02You could tell the way he put sugar in his coffee
11:04without taking the paper off.
11:08Hey, look at the time.
11:09It's ten past already.
11:10We'll never get there by half past.
11:12Oh, they'll wait.
11:14You don't have to worry about being late.
11:16They expect it.
11:17You've got to play a bit hard to get, you know.
11:20If you turn up on time, they don't respect you.
11:23If there's one thing I can't stand,
11:25it's rotten women that can't turn up on time.
11:27Yeah.
11:29Up at seven, we said.
11:30Look at the time.
11:31Ten to eight.
11:32Oh, they'll probably not come.
11:33Oh, they'll come, all right.
11:35Only thing is, I might not be here.
11:37I'll give them two more minutes, that's all.
11:39Two more minutes.
11:39Well, are you sure it was here, you said?
11:41Of course I'm sure.
11:43No, they're all the same.
11:44They all play hard to get, mind if you're late,
11:46they'll throw a Chinese fit.
11:48Oh, well, it doesn't worry me in any case.
11:51I could give Felicity a ring.
11:53Oh, forget Felicity.
11:55I want to know where these two have got to.
11:57They'll probably not turn up, mate.
11:59They'll turn up, all right.
12:02I told you, they do it on principle.
12:05Oh, come on, let's go and have that swift hour.
12:07What?
12:08Oh, well, let's give them to late o'clock.
12:10Hey, it was two more minutes just now.
12:12Oh, well, give them a chance.
12:14Hey, there they are now.
12:15Oh, heck.
12:16I hope Felicity doesn't hear about this.
12:18Oh, you'll be all right, man.
12:19I tell you, it's going to be a good night.
12:21All right, well, we'll see.
12:22You can get the first round in.
12:23Oh.
12:23Come on.
12:27Oh.
12:28¶¶
12:58A pity they had to catch that last bus.
13:12Yeah.
13:13Still, it was a good night, eh?
13:16Oh, yeah.
13:18I think they, uh, I think they enjoyed themselves.
13:22Oh, yeah. I think they did.
13:25I know Pat did, because she said so.
13:27Oh, did he did?
13:28Well, even you enjoyed yourself.
13:31What?
13:32Oh, yeah.
13:33I enjoyed myself.
13:35Did you?
13:36Oh, I enjoyed it.
13:38Good night.
13:48How'd you get on?
13:51Oh, well.
13:53You know,
13:54you didn't seem to be doing too bad.
13:56Oh, well.
13:57She's all right, that Deirdre.
13:58She's quite a sophisticated bit.
14:00Oh, aye.
14:01So's Pat.
14:02She's...
14:03all right.
14:09Did you score?
14:13Oh, come on.
14:14Standing there next to a flipping milk machine?
14:17What do you think I am, mighty mouse?
14:21Did I score?
14:23Huh.
14:23You didn't, then?
14:37Well, did you?
14:39Well, you know.
14:41Oh, what's up?
14:41Well, I was doing all right till you came nosing round.
14:44You put me right off.
14:45Well, she was cold.
14:46You should have warmed her up, then.
14:47Well, you know what they like.
14:53Still.
14:55It was all right, eh?
14:57Oh, yeah.
15:00I enjoyed it.
15:02I enjoyed it myself.
15:04It was a good night, eh?
15:05Oh, yeah.
15:06It was all right.
15:07Here.
15:08Do that.
15:10Hey.
15:11Did he try anything?
15:15Bob did.
15:17Well, I don't see how.
15:18Standing in front of a milk machine?
15:21I could see you from where we were.
15:23Where were you, then?
15:24In that laundrette doorway.
15:26And he didn't try anything?
15:27Oh, I never said that.
15:30It would surprise me if you let him.
15:32You'd had enough to drink.
15:33Oh, go on.
15:35A couple of lager and limes and a cream de mints.
15:38I can manage.
15:39Anyhow, you can talk.
15:40I only had three shandies.
15:42Yeah.
15:43And a tea of Maria.
15:44That's not bad for somebody who doesn't drink.
15:47Well, he just brought it.
15:48I asked for a bit of lemon.
15:50And he wrote.
15:51Broke the ice, didn't he?
15:53Yeah, you're not kidding.
15:55You know something?
15:57He definitely reminds me of Roy Orbison.
16:01Roy Orbison?
16:04Well, that's what she said.
16:07Sheesh.
16:08Well.
16:09Hey, it was a bit slow to start with, though, wasn't it?
16:12No, it says, isn't it?
16:13Yeah, but I mean, when we first went into that booze room, we were just sitting around without saying that.
16:17Well, you were to blame for that, mate.
16:18You weren't exactly the life and soul of the party.
16:20Mind you, you perked up later.
16:22Trying to persuade them not to get the last bus home.
16:25Oh, I just wanted an early night, meself.
16:28Well, I always cheer up after a couple of drinks.
16:31Oh, I think they did, too.
16:32Oh, aye.
16:32A couple of shandies made all the difference.
16:35What did yours have?
16:36Lager?
16:36Aye, at first.
16:37Then I got her on to creme de mince.
16:39Oh, they strong-like?
16:41Strong?
16:41Well, a couple of those kiddies would be standing in a bucket of sand singing the desert song.
16:46Yeah.
16:47Well, in that case, you should have given her a couple more before you told her that joke.
16:52Eee, yeah.
16:54That didn't go down at all well, did it?
16:56Oh, it's not surprising, mate.
16:58Mind, I reckon she'd have laughed if she'd been on her own.
17:01Well, I don't know.
17:02Well, they've both got it.
17:03Yeah, but it's a bit crude, though, that one.
17:07Had you not heard that one before?
17:09Eh, want it for me?
17:10Ooh, yeah.
17:12What was it again?
17:13Standing in a hammock.
17:19Hey, mind, you didn't laugh much when they told it to us, though, did you?
17:23Well, nor did you.
17:24Yeah, well, I'd heard it before, hadn't I?
17:27Ah, go on.
17:28Eee, look at that.
17:31Eee, how'd you do that?
17:33Oh, I hate to think.
17:35That's another three and eleven down the drain.
17:37Ooh.
17:38You know, it must have cost them some at tonight.
17:40Yeah.
17:41They were certainly free with it.
17:42I will say that for them.
17:43I mean, that Chinese restaurant's not cheap.
17:45Yeah, and all them drinks.
17:47They were more than generous.
17:48And they didn't seem to mind how much they spent.
17:51By the cringe, I haven't half spent some bloody money tonight.
17:57You have?
17:58I must have spent two quid.
18:00I've spent three.
18:01Hey, hang on, I must have spent nearly three.
18:03I forgot about that last round.
18:04Oh, well, you would go into that cocktail lounge.
18:07Pressurized beer at two and four a pint.
18:09Aye.
18:10Still, it made a change, though, didn't it?
18:13Yeah, I suppose so.
18:14And that Chinese meal, that was a good idea.
18:16Yeah, I suppose so.
18:18Mind, it wasn't much of a change for you, though, was it?
18:21Sausage, egg and chips.
18:23Well, at least I knew what I was getting.
18:25God knows what you lot were eating.
18:27It was chicken chow mein.
18:29Chicken chow mein, I know.
18:31Enriched with nourishing marabone jelly.
18:35Well, it impressed the girls, anyway.
18:38That's the fourth chop suey I've had in the last five dates.
18:42Do you like Chinese food?
18:43No, I can't stand it.
18:45Oh.
18:46Deirdre?
18:51Yeah?
18:52You know that Bob?
18:53Yeah.
18:55Well, he kisses with his mouth open.
18:59And?
19:00Oh, do you?
19:02Well, yeah.
19:03No, but I mean, not just like that.
19:06But why?
19:09Like that?
19:12Oh, my, ah.
19:14No, I don't.
19:16But...
19:17Like that.
19:21But not like that.
19:25Well, he does.
19:26I, ah.
19:28It's a wonder he doesn't flippin' choke himself.
19:30He wants to see me again, you know.
19:37Yeah.
19:38Well, I thought he would.
19:39He seemed quite keen on you by the finish.
19:41Did you think so?
19:42Yeah.
19:43I told you he was only plain hard to get.
19:46Hey, do you know what he did, though?
19:48What?
19:49He'd give me all his luncheon vouchers for next week.
19:53He'd give her all those luncheon vouchers?
19:56Well, you know.
19:57What's the matter with you, you some kind of a nut?
19:59I sold you those cheap.
20:02You what?
20:02You stole them out of your Audrey's handbag.
20:04Hey, watch it, Ferris.
20:06Still seems a daft thing to do to me, anyway.
20:08Aye, well.
20:10Hey, look, I'll best be off.
20:11Aye, right on.
20:12Yeah.
20:12Have you got half a crown for the machine?
20:14No, I've got no change at all.
20:15Oh.
20:16Oh, well.
20:16Sure-off.
20:17Cheerio.
20:18Yeah.
20:19See ya.
20:19Yeah.
20:24When are you seeing her again?
20:27Oh, yeah.
20:27I am seeing her again.
20:29Yeah, I know.
20:29I said when.
20:30Well, tomorrow, as a matter of fact.
20:32Oh, tomorrow.
20:34Yeah, it's the only time she's free, you see.
20:35Oh, I see.
20:36Only time she's free.
20:38Now, what's the matter with you?
20:39Oh, I just want an early night meself.
20:41I'm doing you a favor, mate.
20:43Just coming to make the numbers up.
20:44Oh, get away.
20:45Hey, what about Felicity?
20:47I thought you were going around there tomorrow to sort things out.
20:49No, that's all finished.
20:51Oh, it's over, is it?
20:52Of course it is, as you well know.
20:54Oh, I'm sorry, mate.
20:55Well, I can't keep pace with your love life.
20:59That's, er, definitely, is it?
21:01I told you it was.
21:03You're quite sure?
21:04Yes.
21:04How many more times?
21:06Then it's safe for me to tell you that I found that postcard in me jacket pocket.
21:09Have you watched that one to Felicity from Spain?
21:15Yeah.
21:16You did that on purpose, didn't you?
21:17Of course I didn't.
21:19Anyhow, it's all for the best.
21:20You want to thank me.
21:22No, but I mean, who is Felicity, anyhow?
21:25Yeah.
21:26I suppose you're right.
21:28It's a funny name, that.
21:30Felicity.
21:32That was nice as Pat, eh?
21:34I suppose it's her from now on.
21:36Not necessarily.
21:37Yeah.
21:38I said not necessarily.
21:39Yeah.
21:40Oh, show them off.
21:40Look, I've got to go now.
21:41I'll see you, kiddo.
21:42Yeah.
21:45She's very sweet, you know.
21:47Oh, she's very sweet.
21:50Look, you don't understand.
21:51You tell me.
21:52Well, it's just that...
21:54Let me guess.
21:56This is it.
21:59Yeah.
22:02Hey, Bob, tell me something.
22:04What?
22:05Can I be matron of honour?
22:07Oh, get stopped.
22:09I'll see you.
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