- 6 months ago
First broadcast 23rd January 1973.
With their wedding only a matter of weeks away Bob is beginning to wonder whether he and Thelma should actually get married as he has always regarded her as socially superior and wonders whether they are compatible.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
Donald Gee - Vicar
John Barrett - Verger
Shay Gorman - Barman
Roy Denton - Man In Waiting Room
With their wedding only a matter of weeks away Bob is beginning to wonder whether he and Thelma should actually get married as he has always regarded her as socially superior and wonders whether they are compatible.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
Donald Gee - Vicar
John Barrett - Verger
Shay Gorman - Barman
Roy Denton - Man In Waiting Room
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me? What became of the people we used to be?
00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast. It's the only thing to look forward to, the past.
00:30Good morning.
00:49Did you tell me to explain about last night?
00:53Because if she did, you must understand, it was all an accident, so it's pointless sitting there in a black off.
01:00What did she say, then?
01:01I'm not talking to you.
01:02Well, you might as well. It's going to be a long wait. There's a broken collarbone in there at the moment. And there's this gentleman.
01:08Well, I shan't be long.
01:09Well, you never know, do you? Might be worse than you think.
01:13Well, I've only come for the wife's prescription.
01:16Oh, well, it could still take an age.
01:22Look, Bob, talking to me is better than a 1967 edition of Autocar. Did she explain?
01:27Thelma is not speaking to me. Thelma is having a nervous breakdown.
01:31All right. Well, I've heard you in a minute, then.
01:33Once she arrives, you fancy making up before for solo?
01:37If it wasn't for this bad hand, I'd smash your face in.
01:39If it wasn't for mine, I'd smash yours back.
01:41I offered you my hospitality. I offered you my house because I felt sorry for you.
01:45I even came up there this morning to make you breakfast.
01:47I bought you some eggs, large brown organic eggs.
01:50I get there and you're in bed with my fiancée.
01:53Do you know it?
01:53For you, you're not, man. It's obvious what happened.
01:57Thelma came to stay at the house.
01:59So I was asleep and thought I was you.
02:01Didn't want to wake me up, wake you up.
02:04So she got in beside me and went to sleep herself.
02:07Not noticing I lost two stone during the day. Where'd I been?
02:12Now, look, Bob. I am the last person that...
02:20I am the last person in the world that Thelma would want to cuddle up to.
02:25That's why she's having a nervous breakdown.
02:28Not because you found out she was in bed with me.
02:30Because she found out she was in bed with me.
02:34Now, I'm right, aren't I?
02:35I don't know.
02:36I swear it, honestly. Hope to die.
02:39Nothing happened?
02:40Not so much as a nudge.
02:44How's your hand?
02:46I think the finger's broken.
02:47No, it isn't. Not if you can wiggle it about like that.
02:49Well, it's very sore.
02:51And so is mine.
02:52Better get that hatch of your seam do.
02:55Mind you, the main reason I'm here this morning is to get some malaria pills.
03:01You can't have malaria.
03:03From the services.
03:04I was two years in the Mediterranean, you know.
03:07I'd have thought you'd have webbed feet, not malaria.
03:13She's not really having a nervous breakdown, is she?
03:15Well, she's very upset.
03:16I'd have to go round there and make it up.
03:18Again.
03:19Well, they're funny women, aren't they?
03:22If it's not one thing, it's the other.
03:23Usually the other.
03:26I seem to have been through so many hang-ups since you got back.
03:29Well, I'll have to go away.
03:30It's the only answer I'll have to emigrate.
03:33Oh, it's not you, mate.
03:34Not really.
03:34Well, I'm glad you appreciate that.
03:36Well, I can see her point.
03:37I mean, I do understand.
03:39I mean, you do represent a threat.
03:41You're the past.
03:42You're what we used to be.
03:44The lads.
03:45Knocking it back and putting it about.
03:47Can't she see that that is all over?
03:50Well, she's got to be made to.
03:53She's got to realise that you're just a friend now, not my bosom companion.
03:57She's my partner in life now.
03:59She's the one I'm going out to work for and building a future for and giving up all my spare time for.
04:08Except Fridays, of course.
04:10Well, yes, except Friday.
04:14That's always been lads' night.
04:16And what about Tuesdays?
04:17Tuesday's dart match?
04:18Yes, well, Tuesday's darts, isn't it?
04:20And midweek football.
04:22Well, obviously we'll be going to that together.
04:25But she's got the rest.
04:26Except Sunday lunchtime.
04:30And that isn't enough, dear me.
04:32They're so demanding, aren't they?
04:34Oh, well...
04:34Look, you do believe me about last night, don't you?
04:40Yeah, sure.
04:42You and I could have a swift off later on, seeing as she's having the nervous breakdown.
04:46You're on.
04:46Shake.
04:47Shake.
04:48Ooh!
04:51It's a game, though, isn't it?
04:53Don't tell me, mate.
04:54I've been through it all.
04:56Everything's such a drama.
04:57Certainly wasn't my marriage.
04:59Cheers.
05:00Well, it's not our arguments.
05:01We can never understand each other.
05:02But with her being German and me being English...
05:05Well, couldn't she speak any English at all?
05:07Oh, she had a few useful phrases, like,
05:08where are you going, what time you're coming back,
05:10give me some more money, that's all.
05:13Thelma gets so hysterical.
05:15It's your female insecurity, of course.
05:17She was like this when I broke it off six months ago.
05:20You broke it off?
05:22You mean again, after the first time?
05:24And there's been once in the middle.
05:25Well, you can hardly blame her for female insecurity, can you?
05:30Poor cow!
05:32I mean, poor ass.
05:33She can't know where she is.
05:35Now you see it, now you don't.
05:38She must feel like Pavlov's dog.
05:41Like what?
05:43Pavlov's dog.
05:43You know, they used to ring a bell and take its dinner away.
05:45I thought Pavlov was a ballerina.
05:52Well, he probably, she was, but she had this dog.
05:55I didn't know where it was coming at all.
05:58Oh, not as bad as that.
05:59I mean, every couple has their ups and downs.
06:01I mean, you've just got to be cut and dried.
06:03People have to be sure in their own minds.
06:06And why did you break it off the last time?
06:09The irreconcilable differences.
06:11So how come it's all on again?
06:14Well, our name came up on the housing list.
06:17Oh, now, Bob, Bob, please.
06:20Look, I've got no axe to grind.
06:21I'm not trying to stir things,
06:23but that is hardly a basis for marriage, isn't it?
06:26Loving someone, needing them,
06:29putting them up the stick, fine.
06:32But you don't get married
06:33because some bloke on the council writes
06:35and tells you your numbers come up.
06:37It's not as bad.
06:38That was the past.
06:40There's no doubts now, no uncertainties.
06:42I see.
06:43So at this moment in time,
06:44that little ring,
06:45after its many journeys up and down her digit,
06:48is firmly in place.
06:50Yes.
06:51The vans are being called tomorrow
06:52and all the invitations have gone out.
06:54Oh, well, that's it, isn't it?
06:55There's no point in discussing it.
06:56What were the print discharges
06:58and the cost of an announcement
06:59in the Northern Echo?
07:00It represents too large an investment.
07:01Can't let that go to waste.
07:03Look, I've looked into this question of marriage
07:04very thoroughly.
07:05I'm well aware of the dangers of marrying
07:07for the wrong reasons.
07:08There's some people round here
07:10who get married just so they don't end up
07:11spare at the football club
07:12Christmas Eve dinner dance.
07:14But Thelma and I have been very mature about this.
07:17We haven't panicked ourselves
07:18into rushing things.
07:20True, true.
07:21Nineteen years and three engagements.
07:23It's hardly impetuous, is it?
07:25It's not that long.
07:26It is.
07:28I remember the first day, clearly.
07:30Park Juniors 4B.
07:32It was me that brought you together, indirectly.
07:36Do you remember?
07:37Old man Hayward wanted to split us up,
07:38so we had a reshuffle.
07:39He moved her desk next to yours.
07:42Oh, no, I lost me place at the radiator.
07:44That's right.
07:45It's ironical, isn't it?
07:46The three of us have been reshuffling ever since.
07:48You've always been up and down with her.
07:51Even then, you were rowing all the time.
07:53I remember your first row.
07:56She had a little bit of plasticine
07:57kept in a four-square-to-bucket tin.
07:59And one day it disappeared.
08:01And she said you'd stole it,
08:03and you said you hadn't,
08:04and she didn't believe you.
08:05Trundled her desk right back across the room, she did.
08:08How can you remember all this?
08:10It was me that stole her plasticine.
08:13You've been coming between us ever since, haven't you?
08:15Haven't you?
08:16It was you used to spread that rumour
08:18about her going on the allotment with Frank Cheevers.
08:21It was you that told me her brother had gone to Borstal.
08:24Well, and her mother was in the loony bin.
08:28You've been stealing Thelma's plasticine
08:30for 19 years, metaphorically speaking.
08:32Meta?
08:33You can tell you're married in a grammar school, girl.
08:35Yeah, that's when I lost contact with her
08:36when she went to the grammar school.
08:38When you and I were banished to the blackboard jungle,
08:41I became her social inferior.
08:43At that school, we were everybody's social inferior.
08:46I used to watch her,
08:47through the railings,
08:49skipping.
08:49Her blouse tucked into her thick navy blue knickers.
08:56As Paul Anker put it at the time,
08:59so near and yet so far away.
09:02Billy Fury.
09:04Paul Anker.
09:05It was Billy Fury.
09:07No, it wasn't.
09:08Paul Anker, quit on it.
09:09You're on, halfway to paradise, Billy Fury.
09:12I want to be your lover,
09:13but your friend is all I'll stay.
09:15What does that mean?
09:16Your friend is all I'll stay.
09:19I want to be your lover,
09:21but you'll only let me be your friend.
09:25Hey, you two fairies.
09:27Out.
09:32Hello, Audrey.
09:34Hello, Bob.
09:35It is nice to see you.
09:37What do you think, Terry?
09:38You've got the invitation.
09:40I must RSVP as soon as I can get a minute.
09:42As soon as I got this bandage off,
09:43I'm going to stick one on that fella.
09:44I see the receptions at the county.
09:46That'll be nice.
09:47I learned a few tricks in the army.
09:49How do you feel about the big day, Bob?
09:51Nervous?
09:52No, no, no.
09:52Not really, no.
09:54He's terrified.
09:55He's got cold feet.
09:57In his case, cold flat feet.
10:00No, I haven't.
10:00I'm looking forward to it, Audrey.
10:02Thanks very much.
10:02Has he been stirring it?
10:03He hasn't helped.
10:04Well, don't listen to his marriage guidance, counsel.
10:07I know what it's about.
10:08I've been through it all.
10:10And I know what it's about.
10:11I've been married for five years
10:13and I've got two kids and a bad back to show for it.
10:16But I know marriage isn't a breakfast food commercial, Bob.
10:19You've got to work at it.
10:19That's the secret.
10:21I tried.
10:22God knows I tried.
10:24Oh, he never lifted a finger to save his marriage.
10:27It was madness him being married in the first place.
10:30Oh, but you, Bob.
10:31You'll make a lovely husband and a smashing father.
10:35If only we'd had children.
10:37Oh, don't let him give you all that about how he suffered.
10:40Oh, the heartbreak and the anguish.
10:42You want to get him to tell you how his marriage failed, Bob,
10:45that'll give you an idea of his anguish.
10:47That hurts more than you will ever know.
10:51That hurts.
10:53He only told me about it yesterday.
10:56Audrey, did you ever meet his wife?
10:59Once.
11:00What was she like?
11:02Well, she was a very, uh, physical girl.
11:07You mean there was a lot of her?
11:08Well, it wasn't so much that there was a lot of her,
11:11but what there was, one was made very aware of.
11:15He always did like bigger girls, Terry.
11:18He always was a breast man.
11:20I mean, as opposed to a leg man or a thigh man.
11:23Oh, yes.
11:23And what sort of a man are you then, Bob?
11:25Oh, I think the face counts.
11:27And manners are very important, yes.
11:29The face and manners.
11:31And sensitivity and deportment.
11:35And I like big knockers and all.
11:39You're all the same, you lot.
11:40Your loins rule your head.
11:42Well, it is very important in marriage, Audrey,
11:44the physical side.
11:44I wouldn't be marrying Thelma if we weren't...
11:47Well, if we didn't...
11:49If we couldn't...
11:51If we weren't attracted to each other.
11:54I wondered why it took you six months
11:56to decorate your new house.
11:57It needed two undercoats.
11:58Aye, and an overcoat and two pillars.
12:01And a lot of nerve,
12:04considering the plasterers were in the kitchen.
12:07Oh, you'll be all right, Bob.
12:08You haven't felt much.
12:09We're always having rows.
12:11Well, marriage is a lot of rows
12:12with breaks in between to get your breath back.
12:15But you'll last the distance.
12:16You're happy, aren't you, all?
12:18Well, I suppose so.
12:19Ernie and I don't have so many rows
12:21since I've taken up yoga.
12:22I mean, when he picks a fight with me now,
12:24I just sit in the lotus position
12:26with a serene smile on me face.
12:28Drives him mad.
12:28Tough.
12:29Tough.
12:42Terry?
12:43What?
12:43How did your marriage end?
12:47Irreconcilable differences.
12:49No, I mean, was it having rounds or another fella or what?
12:52I mean, what was the last straw, as it were?
12:57It all built to a climax in June 1970.
13:02June the 14th it was, 9.30 local time.
13:07I had a weekend pass, so I was spending the weekend with our family.
13:11They were all there, her mother and father,
13:15uncles and brothers, all sitting round the telly after dinner,
13:18full of veal and sauerkraut and popping their cans of Dortmund a beer.
13:23And then it happened.
13:26The thing that snapped the final thread of our chance of happiness together.
13:30What happened?
13:32What happened?
13:34On June the 14th, 1970,
13:37I would have thought that that date was indelibly printed on every true Englishman's mind.
13:43England 2, West Germany 3, that's what happened.
13:48Oh, God, I, of course.
13:51Have you any idea what it was like to be in Germany that night, West Germany?
13:55Especially after being two up.
13:57I mean, after the second I was out of my mind,
14:00I was on the sideboard singing Royal Britannia.
14:02And then the shame.
14:06The humiliation.
14:08And them all leaping up and down, their eyes glazed with national fervour.
14:13I thought they were going to invade Poland again.
14:15Don't, don't.
14:18I've only just learned to live with it myself.
14:20Well, you can imagine what it was like for me.
14:23I just got up,
14:24went quite unnoticed,
14:26got me bag,
14:29and walked out of her life forever.
14:31Well, I think I would have done the same.
14:32It was bad enough here.
14:33I can't say I blame you, mate.
14:35I had to go to bed and lie down.
14:38Two weeks.
14:42So that was that?
14:43Takes a long time to get over something like that.
14:46Of course it does.
14:47You can't just shrug it off and forget it.
14:50Back to square one and start again.
14:52Pick up the pieces.
14:53Start afresh.
14:55Mind you,
14:56I think Chivers has made a difference.
14:58Oh, I do.
15:01Do you want me to come over?
15:03Well, it's up to you.
15:05I didn't say that.
15:07Do you want me to come over?
15:10Oh.
15:12You don't want me to come over.
15:15I do, I do.
15:16That's why I offered to.
15:17God, please, service.
15:20I only said I'd...
15:21I only said that in case you didn't want me to.
15:25But I want to.
15:26That's why I offered to.
15:30Well, I didn't just come round in case
15:31you didn't want to see me
15:33or you were lying down
15:34or having one of your me-grains.
15:38I didn't say one of your me-grains.
15:40I said one of your me-grains.
15:43Love is the manyest friends.
15:46No, no, it's...
15:47I'm not with Terry, sweet.
15:49It's the wireless.
15:52I'm round at Audrey's.
15:53I'm just having tea with Audrey.
15:54In the early spring.
15:56No, she can't talk to you at the moment.
15:57She's in the lotus position.
15:59Love is the manyest.
16:00She's the way I'm giving.
16:01Hang on a minute.
16:02I'll just turn the sounds down, pet.
16:04I'll listen up for a living.
16:05Will you suck your stirring...
16:07That's better, Thelma.
16:11Thelma?
16:13Oh.
16:14She rung off?
16:15Yes, she has.
16:16She's rung off.
16:17Thanks to you, she's rung off.
16:18Just as well.
16:19There's no end to conversations like that.
16:22So are you.
16:23Am I what?
16:24Going over.
16:26Are you going over?
16:27You're not going over.
16:29You're not going over.
16:30Because if you did go over,
16:31you might wish you hadn't gone over.
16:33Oh, shut your face, Terry.
16:35Oh, I do wish you'd come down from there.
16:37It can't do you any good, you know.
16:39All that yoga, you'll do yourself a permanent injury.
16:42Is she still upset, Bob?
16:43Hmm.
16:45She doesn't want me to go over.
16:46Ah!
16:48She stopped work on that cardigan she was knitting me.
16:51Oh, down needles, has she?
16:53Terry.
16:54There's a fawn one for weekends.
16:56I hate people who wear cardigans.
16:58Oh, like your father, I suppose,
16:59and your granddad and all your uncles,
17:01because they all wear cardigans.
17:02Not that sort of cardigan.
17:04Your sort.
17:05The sort Thelma will be knitting you.
17:07All wiggly, chunky wool,
17:09and beige, and fawn, and rugby clubs,
17:11and Sunday morning open-air drinks,
17:13and barbecues, and copper spaniels,
17:15and gin and tonics, and cross and black wools.
17:17Oh, he's the original angry young man, isn't he?
17:20Except he's about ten years out of date,
17:21like his hair and his shoes.
17:23What is that supposed to mean?
17:24You're a knocker.
17:26Terry Collier, the alternative voice.
17:29Yeah, except people like him don't offer an alternative.
17:31They're just against things, everything.
17:33Not just other people's cardigans.
17:35I am against the things that threaten my liberty.
17:39I don't want to be submerged.
17:41I don't want to be suffocated by society,
17:44by conventions, by...
17:46Marriage.
17:47Go on, say it.
17:48That's what all this is leading up to.
17:49Pardon?
17:50Marriage.
17:50You know this blessed union, holy wedlock?
17:53This is just another of your not-very-subtle attempts
17:55to kick me in the matrimonial groin.
17:57All I am trying to do is warn friends,
18:01very close friends,
18:02about rushing into things
18:04which I have learned through bitter experience
18:06to think twice about.
18:07I know all about holy wedlock.
18:11Holy necklock.
18:12Do you submit?
18:13Do you submit?
18:13Yes, well, your marriage might have been like that,
18:15a match paid for points,
18:16but my marriage is going to be a thing of joy
18:18and great beauty.
18:20No wonder yours never got off the ground.
18:22There's too much meanness inside you.
18:23Absolutely.
18:24Too much aggression and hostility.
18:25Absolutely.
18:26No wonder your marriage failed
18:27on the strength of a late good Muller goal.
18:29I tried.
18:33God knows I tried.
18:37Oh, do you think that was a...
18:38I shouldn't have said that, should I?
18:40Do you think that was a bit unkind?
18:41Don't fret on his behalf, Bob.
18:43He's only gone out to get the chocolate biscuits.
18:45I do worry, though, you know, Audrey.
18:48I do worry.
18:49I mean, look at all the friends we know
18:50that have split up.
18:53We all left school together.
18:54We all had engagements together.
18:56We all had 21st together.
18:57Now everyone's separated.
18:59I mean, I'm just getting it together
19:01and all my contemporaries are getting it apart.
19:03Well, don't count out, Terry.
19:05Oh, I don't mean him.
19:06I mean all sorts of people.
19:10Even the Sanderson's have split up.
19:12Never.
19:13True.
19:13I'm surprised they could find the energy.
19:15Their marriage was as dull as a Welsh Sunday.
19:17Their divorce wasn't.
19:18Frank Clark's left home,
19:20ran off with an ushrette from the Regal.
19:22He always carried a torch for her.
19:24I nearly left Ernie a few years ago,
19:26but I couldn't find the time.
19:28Tony and all.
19:30Tony and all, Doug and Glenys.
19:32What happened there?
19:32They all went on a cruise together.
19:34And that was a finish?
19:35Yep.
19:36Now it's Doug and all, Tony and Glenys.
19:38And you're having your bands read tomorrow
19:41with all these warning lights flashing round you?
19:43Yeah, I'd better be off and all.
19:44I'm supposed to be seeing the Reverend Gordon about the details.
19:47Gordon?
19:47Hey, Gordon.
19:48I thought the vicar's name was Newman.
19:50Oh, didn't you hear?
19:51He left his wife.
19:54Vicar and all?
19:56There's nothing sacred.
19:57Yeah, it was in all the local papers.
19:59He ran off with a petrol pump attendant.
20:01He left a wife, three kids,
20:04and 21 books of Greenshield stamps from his courtship.
20:08Thanks for the tea, Audrey.
20:10I hope everything goes all right tomorrow, Bob.
20:11Oh, I see you in church.
20:13What?
20:14You what?
20:15You're not coming, are you?
20:16Well, I thought I'd pop round.
20:17Hearing's believing.
20:19What for?
20:20I don't want you there.
20:21You're up to something, aren't you?
20:23You're not going to come up with any just impediments, are you?
20:25Just depends.
20:27Does Frank Chief who's on the allotment come under that?
20:30You cock things up for me tomorrow, mate.
20:32I'll smash your head in bad hand or no bad hand.
20:36That's put the wind up his bands.
20:38What do you want to go to church for?
20:40Can you remember the last time you were in church?
20:42Aye, clearly.
20:43There was this fella splashing water all over me head.
20:48Aren't you?
20:49No, don't worry.
20:50There's only one reason I want to hear those bands read.
20:53What?
20:54All the time I've known Bob,
20:56there's something he would never tell me.
20:59And tomorrow I'll find out.
21:00What?
21:01His middle name.
21:03I've always known it was Robert Andrew S. Ferris.
21:07But I've never known what that S stood for.
21:09And he's never told me,
21:10so it must be something ludicrous.
21:11I didn't know that.
21:13He hushed it up.
21:14Even on his satchel and his pencil case,
21:17he only ever put R-A-F.
21:19He's always hushed that S up.
21:21I wonder what it could mean.
21:23That's bound to be something to do with a war,
21:25a battle or a general,
21:26or even a film star.
21:28Hmm.
21:29S?
21:30Hmm.
21:32S.
21:32Robert Andrew Stalin, Ferris?
21:38No, no, no.
21:39His dad wouldn't even join the union.
21:42Robert Andrew Sons of Iwo Jima, Ferris.
21:47He didn't get overseas.
21:50Robert Andrew Shirley Temple, Ferris.
21:53Grant unto thy people we beseech thee, O Lord,
21:58to avoid every contamination of the devil,
22:01and with pure minds to follow thee,
22:03the only God, through our law.
22:05We will now sing hymn number 160,
22:22Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty.
22:31Hey.
22:32You're so collier's lad, aren't you?
22:35Young Terry, is it?
22:36Not as young as I used to be.
22:37How are you, then?
22:38Fine.
22:39Fine.
22:41They tell me you were at services.
22:43Aye, I was.
22:44They've kicked off in there, have they?
22:45About half an hour ago.
22:47You're not going in there, though.
22:49Certainly I am.
22:50Well, God moves in a mysterious way,
22:53his wonders to perform.
22:55Hey, listen to that.
22:56I remember that one.
22:58Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty.
23:01That was a hit in my day.
23:03Hey, did you hear about Reverend Newman?
23:06He loses his pension, you know.
23:08Yes, yes, yes.
23:08Look, I'd better get him.
23:09I don't want to miss the sermon.
23:11So find a seat up back.
23:12You're doing good business, are you?
23:14Aye, champion.
23:15See you, then.
23:16Who wants seats?
23:17Who wants seats?
23:18Who wants seats?
23:35On Tuesday, Sister Elizabeth Hayes will be giving a talk on her work in Tehran with a voluntary service overseas.
23:55And on Saturday, of course, it's our jumble sale.
23:58The church hall will remain open all day Friday for those of you who want to leave some jumble.
24:03And then, on Friday evening, Mrs. Ponchon will be giving an illustrated lecture on birds of the Farne Islands.
24:13And afterwards, there will be coffee and 20 questions in the scout hall.
24:16It's going to be quite a week.
24:19I publish the bands of marriage between Judith Mary Caldicott, spinster of this parish, and David St. John Pearce, bachelor of the parish of Christchurch, Pearlie.
24:31This is for the second time of asking.
24:35And between Thelma Ingrid Chambers, spinster of this parish, and Robert Andrew Scarborough Ferris...
24:42This is for the first time of asking.
24:49If any of you know cause or just impediment why these persons should not be joined together...
24:53Scarborough!
24:53Morning.
25:05Can we get the bandage off of you?
25:06Yes.
25:07Aye, me and all.
25:08Well, the deed's done, the band's a red, countdown's commenced.
25:11Ten, nine, eight, seven...
25:13Very witty.
25:14How's Thelma?
25:15Thelma is not speaking to me.
25:17God preserve us.
25:20Now what?
25:21Now what?
25:22You reduced that service in that church yesterday to a shambles.
25:25You made that service a laughingstock.
25:27Thelma said she's never been so embarrassed.
25:29Well, don't blame me, mate.
25:30Don't blame me.
25:31Blame your parents.
25:37Why?
25:40Why Scarborough?
25:41They told me once that that was where I was...
25:55Where I was...
26:00Conceived.
26:02Get away.
26:05Yes.
26:07And they could work it out that precisely?
26:09Apparently, apparently.
26:11Did they only have it off on some holidays, then?
26:19My father was stationed there at the end of the war.
26:23They called me that out of...
26:24Out of...
26:25Sentiments.
26:26Oh, I see.
26:28It's a good job he wasn't stationed in Barrow-in-Furnace.
26:33Well, I've never used it, and I never will,
26:35so let's forget it, shall we?
26:36Nobody knows about it.
26:37Except that congregation.
26:38Yeah, well, they're not the kind of people
26:40to rush into the streets shouting it abroad, are they?
26:42My lips are sealed, Robert Andrew.
26:45Good.
26:46Good.
26:47And, uh, Thelma, are our lips still sealed, then?
26:49Any chance of her breaking the angry silence before the service?
26:52Or will she go through it, nodding her head,
26:54and using the deaf and dumb language?
26:56We've just had a little row.
26:57That's all.
26:58Nothing serious.
26:59Nothing I can't handle.
27:00Nothing you won't get used to.
27:01I'm going through with it, you know.
27:02Oh, no, I know.
27:03Don't tell me, mate.
27:04I've known since 4B.
27:06Your fate with her was sealed before your 11-plus.
27:09One of the things about the last few days
27:10has given me a chance to iron out any last-minute doubts.
27:13I'm grateful to you.
27:15You've given me a chance to re-examine.
27:17Well, I have.
27:18I've re-examined.
27:20I've re-appraised.
27:22And now I'm reassured.
27:23Good, good, good.
27:24I'm glad to hear it,
27:24because now is the time to have doubts.
27:26Not when she's galloping up that aisle.
27:28When the vicar says,
27:29do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife,
27:31you can't say not necessarily.
27:34My mind is made up.
27:37I may have had a few little doubts,
27:39but that was just cold feet.
27:41I know in my heart of hearts
27:42that Thelma is the girl for me.
27:45I know what I want,
27:46and I know who I want.
27:47She's the one.
27:48Always has been.
27:50Always will be.
27:51Of that, I'm certain.
27:57I think.
28:00Oh, what happened to you
28:03Whatever happened to me
28:06What became of the people
28:10We used to be
28:14Oh, what happened to you
28:18Whatever happened to me
28:21What became of the people
28:25We used to be
28:28Oh, what happened to you
28:33Whatever happened to me
28:36What became of the people
28:39What became of the people
28:55What was the people
28:57What became of the people
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