- 5 months ago
First broadcast 26th March 1974.
As Thelma is still at her parents Terry moves in with Bob but soon annoys him with his slovenly ways.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
As Thelma is still at her parents Terry moves in with Bob but soon annoys him with his slovenly ways.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me, and what became of the people we used to be?
00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast, it's the only thing to look forward to, the past.
00:30Terry! I'm home!
00:50Oh, just look at this place!
00:53Hello, pet. Have a good day at the office?
00:57Now drink that while it's hot.
00:59Now is this supposed to be here? Is this supposed to be here?
01:02Oh, I must have left them there when I had a snack.
01:04And I wish you wouldn't stub your flags out in the rubber plant.
01:07Oh, and I must have done that when I went to answer the door.
01:09A tall lady in galoshes was collecting for war on want.
01:13Now that doesn't live there now, does it?
01:15Well, that is there because I'm trying to do everything at once.
01:19Answering the door and clearing up and getting your dinner ready.
01:22I haven't stopped today, you know, I haven't stopped.
01:26Did Toma ring?
01:27No.
01:28She didn't call round or anything?
01:30No, mate.
01:31Not unless it was when I was down at the shops.
01:33Do you know, I stood for 15 minutes in that butcher's.
01:37Are you sure she didn't ring?
01:38No.
01:39Not unless it was while I was out.
01:41All those friends of yours, Morris and Pauline, rang.
01:44Wanted to know if you'd go to their anniversary party.
01:46Oh, yes.
01:47I turned it down.
01:50You what?
01:51On your behalf.
01:52Well, why I'd like to have gone to that, get myself out of myself.
01:55The invitation was for you and Thelma as a couple.
01:58And as you no longer exist as a couple, I thought it best to turn it down.
02:03I'm going.
02:05What do you mean you're going?
02:06To make the numbers up, they're too short now.
02:08Well, anyhow, when the word gets out that you and Thelma are separated.
02:13We're not separated.
02:15We're estranged.
02:16You're no right to turn it down.
02:18You're not me social secretary.
02:20I'd like to have gone to that.
02:22You're here to give me strength in a difficult period in me life.
02:26Give me strength and cheer me up and get me dinner ready.
02:29Where is it?
02:30It'll be ready in a minute.
02:32I've been slaving a lot of stove all afternoon.
02:35Forgot to switch it off again, did you?
02:36Pardon?
02:37Tom, the reason the stove gets so hot is because you forget to switch it off.
02:41That's how you burn the bottom out of that non-stick pan.
02:44Part of a set, that was, you know, is a wedding present, that, from Doreen and Tom.
02:48Well, it wasn't my fault.
02:49It said distinctly on the packet, simmer gently.
02:52Yes, simmer gently for seven to nine minutes, not four and a half hours.
02:56Well, I forgot.
02:58Of course you forgot.
02:59Just like you forget to put water in the poacher.
03:02That was a wedding present and all, you know.
03:03Brian and Ann gave us that.
03:06Who gave you the pop-up toaster?
03:09Pam and Diver.
03:11Why?
03:12Well, that's knackered now.
03:16Oh, how can you break a toaster?
03:18What you do is you put the bread in and you press a lever.
03:22Even you can't break a toaster.
03:24Well, it wasn't exactly bread I put in it.
03:27What was it?
03:29Chops.
03:33You put chops in the toaster?
03:35For your dinner, to defreeze them.
03:36They were solid, man.
03:38It just seemed the best way of doing it.
03:40Well, don't be stupid.
03:41You just leave them out for a few hours.
03:43If you want to hurry them up, you just shove them under the grill.
03:45Well, I didn't know which was the switch for the grill.
03:47I can't work gas.
03:48What were you doing with chops anyway?
03:50We were going to have liver.
03:52When I went out of the house this morning,
03:53you distinctly said we were going to have liver and bacon
03:55and semolina pudding.
03:57We were.
03:59Until I lost the liver.
04:03How could you lose the liver?
04:05Well, either it fell down that garbage disposal thingy
04:07or the cat did it.
04:09We haven't seen that cat since last night.
04:11Maybe he's gone down the garbage disposal thingy.
04:13Oh, dear me.
04:16What's that smell?
04:18Is somebody burning rubbish?
04:19No, it's me.
04:20I'm burning semolina.
04:22Oh, my God.
04:24Oh, look at this kitchen.
04:25Dear me.
04:26Look at this grease.
04:27You need a knife to get that off.
04:29Excuse me.
04:31Oh.
04:31Oh, dear.
04:36Now what?
04:38The dish is cracked.
04:40Has it?
04:42Was that her wedding present?
04:43Yes, yes.
04:44That was her wedding present as well.
04:46Auntie Beatty.
04:47Oh, well, she'll never know.
04:48She doesn't get out much with her bad leg.
04:51I'll give you the list tomorrow.
04:52What list?
04:52Of all the wedding presents.
04:54Then you can work your way through the house.
04:56Look at this table.
04:59Well, I'm doing the best I can.
05:01I'm up the galloping rotten gourmet, you know.
05:03I'm sorry.
05:04I know you're not.
05:06Me?
05:06I'm sorry.
05:07I've said I'm sorry.
05:09Look, I've got a tin of apricots.
05:11We could have them.
05:12I'm not hungry.
05:13And there's some bacon from the liver and bacon.
05:15We can have bacon and apricots.
05:19I'd really rather not.
05:20Oh, I suppose it's times like this when you miss Thelma the most.
05:26When you come home for a casserole and a cuddle.
05:29I noticed that when I left my wife.
05:32Mealtimes and bedtimes are the hardest part.
05:35Aren't they?
05:36Yes, the bedtimes are the hardest.
05:38And it seems such a big bed without Thelma,
05:40it's got to cut a slope to it.
05:41I've never noticed that before.
05:43I keep rolling to the edge.
05:45Whereas before, I'd just roll into Thelma.
05:48I'm not sleeping.
05:49What do you mean you're not sleeping?
05:51Not a wink.
05:51You snore when you're awake, do you?
05:54Pardon?
05:54You were making a hell of a racket when I came up last night.
05:57Well, I'd only just got off.
05:58I'm not sleeping at all.
06:00And you were hard enough to wake this morning
06:01when I brought you a cup of tea.
06:03Well, I'd only just got off then.
06:05And you were sound asleep
06:06when I went along the landing at dawn for a Jimmy Riddle.
06:10I am not sleeping.
06:11Look at me eyes.
06:13You're not getting enough iron.
06:15The liver will put you right.
06:16You've lost the liver.
06:17Oh, are you?
06:18Well, look, let's just go out for a meal.
06:20No, thanks.
06:21We'll go for a curry to that place, the Kashmir.
06:24Now, you love curry.
06:25You don't.
06:26You hate it.
06:26Well, I'll just have egg and chips.
06:27They do egg and chips there.
06:28I hate that.
06:29What, egg and chips?
06:30No, people that go to Indian restaurants and have egg and chips.
06:33It's so insulting to the Indians.
06:35They come all the way from the Kashmir.
06:37They go to a lot of trouble with exotic herbs and spices.
06:40And then someone like you comes in and has egg and chips and a pint of lager.
06:44It's embarrassing.
06:45It says on the window, Anglo-Indian cuisine.
06:49Anyway, the people who run that place do not come all the way from Kashmir.
06:52They come from South Shields.
06:55He told me that his granddad fought on the northwest frontier.
06:59Well, he must have meant Cumberland.
07:01Of course, I'll tell you something, mate.
07:03He might wear a turban, but he's a third-generation Geordie.
07:07He's still an Indian with an Indian's heritage and an Indian's sensitivity.
07:11And I don't like going there with people like you who order English food
07:15and call the waiters Gunga Din.
07:19I never realised you were such an Indian lover.
07:21Not just Indians.
07:22I feel sorry for any foreign waiters with people like you around.
07:25I'll never be able to show me face in Don Luigi's again after going there with you.
07:28I have no sense of humour, these Italians.
07:31They have, Terry.
07:32They have.
07:32They're famed.
07:33Famed for their warm-hearted, fun-loving hospitality.
07:37They get to get bored with a constant stream of jokes about the Mafia.
07:42Much as the manager of the Golden Dragon took exception to your calling him Kung Fu.
07:47Well, look, then, we'll just go to an English restaurant.
07:50We'll go to an English ordinary steakhouse.
07:52Or we could get some fish and chips.
07:54We could go down to the Wee Chief later.
07:55There's music down to the Wee Chief tonight.
07:57No, I've no desire to go out.
07:58No desire whatsoever.
08:00Look, I have been working my fingers to the bone.
08:02I'm entitled to be taken out tonight.
08:06So like my wife.
08:07I feel like your rotten wife.
08:09I don't understand why she left you now.
08:10You feel more concerned for Indians and Chinamon than you do for your loved ones.
08:14That is not a nice thing to say.
08:15Is that a nice thing to say?
08:17Is that a nice thing to say to someone who's just separated from his wife?
08:20Estranged.
08:21Terry, I am grief-stricken.
08:23I'm going through a very traumatic period.
08:26Some people, when they split up from their wife, they just use it as an excuse to enjoy themselves
08:30and go out and get drunk and chase spare.
08:32I'm sure you did.
08:33I did, as a matter of fact.
08:34Did me a world of good.
08:36Yes, well, we're different people, Terry, you and I.
08:39I take things more seriously.
08:41I feel things more deeply.
08:44I haven't got your...
08:45insensitivity.
08:48I'm not very clear about anything at the moment, Terry, except that I love Thelma.
08:53And I miss her and I wish she was here.
08:54Oh, come on, kidder.
08:59Things will work out.
09:02Oh, cheer up, Bob.
09:04You go on like this, you'll end up with your head in the gas oven.
09:08Well, not that one, I wouldn't.
09:09It's filthy.
09:11I wouldn't be seen dead in that gas oven.
09:13Hello, Thelma Pet.
09:29Oh, hello, Ritchie.
09:30How are you?
09:31Oh, full of the cold, but, you know.
09:33And the children?
09:33Oh, they're fine.
09:34Well, Fleur's had a bit of an earache and Wayne's had his chest, but, you know.
09:37Oh, well, how's Ernie?
09:38Oh, he's been in bed all week with some allergy.
09:40But we're fine in ourselves.
09:41Oh.
09:43Look, Thelma, I don't want you to think that, well, I can't pretend I haven't heard about
09:53you and Bob.
09:54Well, I mean that Bob, well, that things aren't...
09:57You mean you've heard I've left Bob?
09:59Oh, well, I didn't know it was that drastic.
10:02Well, I'm at me mother's and he's at home with your brother, so how drastic can it get?
10:06Oh, Terry!
10:08Well, what's he been up to now?
10:10Look, it's not his fault, not entirely.
10:12I just know that he's staying round there.
10:14Well, it can't make things any easier, Thelma.
10:17Well, it doesn't help.
10:17Put it that way, country.
10:18Now, look.
10:20Oh.
10:28Now, look, Pat.
10:29I don't want you to think that I'm one of these people that you don't hear from for ages,
10:33who turns up at the slightest hint of disaster.
10:35But if there's anything I can do, anything at all, Pat, don't hesitate.
10:39Please don't hesitate.
10:41I'm not unfamiliar with this sort of thing, you know.
10:43It hasn't all been plain sailing with our Ernie.
10:46It's not easy being married to an alcoholic hairdresser.
10:51Ernie's not an alcoholic.
10:52He drinks too much too often, and that's alcoholic in my book.
10:56Well, our problems have never stemmed from Bob's drinking.
10:58Oh, no, Pat.
10:59I didn't mean to infer.
11:01It's just, well, you mustn't hesitate.
11:03You can come over tonight if you like.
11:05No, I think I just have a quiet night in.
11:07Get yourself out of yourself.
11:09Everyone tells me that.
11:10What on earth does it mean?
11:11Well, please yourself.
11:12But if you change your mind, don't hesitate.
11:14Look, thanks, Audrey.
11:15But I think people have got to sort these things out for themselves, you know.
11:19But it was very sweet of you.
11:21Well, what of friends for, Pat?
11:23Well, there's just one thing, Audrey.
11:25Yes?
11:26You're 26p overdue in this book.
11:31Oh, I see.
11:33I have found the liver.
11:47Oh, where was it?
11:49In my raincoat pocket.
11:52Oh, of course.
11:53I borrowed your coat when I went down to the butcher's.
11:55It was on the hall stand, dripping blood all over the new carpet.
11:59Cold water, that's a thing for blood.
12:00Well, cold water helped my Mac.
12:02Why did you wear my Mac?
12:04Well, I haven't got one.
12:05All my stuff's at home.
12:06Why did you wear my new Mac?
12:08What was wrong with my old Mac?
12:09Oh, well, I gave that to the lady from War on Want.
12:14My lovely old Mac?
12:15I've had that for years.
12:17Yes, I can see that.
12:17That's why I give it away.
12:19Well, I want that back.
12:20Oh, don't be stupid, man.
12:22It'll be halfway to cashmere by now.
12:23Well, my extendable steel rule was in the pocket.
12:27Well, I'm sure they'll find a good use for it there.
12:30Now, look, do you want me to cook that liver for you?
12:32No, thank you.
12:33Not now.
12:34It'll be all fluffy now and taste of gabardine.
12:38It'll do for the cat if we ever find him.
12:41Look, don't worry about the cat.
12:43Well, I do worry about the cat, Terry.
12:45He's not ours, you know.
12:46He belongs to the people next door.
12:47I'm just looking after him.
12:49Belongs to the people next door who've gone to a wedding in Pontefract.
12:52What am I supposed to say when they come back and ask, where's Ginger?
12:55I'm not sure where he is.
12:57He's disappeared.
12:58He might have gone down the waste disposal.
13:01Well, I'm not sure that he did.
13:03It's just that, well, it made a very funny noise.
13:07Yes, well, they always do.
13:09Yes, but yours sort of went...
13:11Not funny, Terry.
13:15Not funny one little bit.
13:16Oh, God, no sense of humour, some people.
13:19And you haven't cleaned out that oven yet?
13:21Well, I will do, I will.
13:22I'll do it in the morning.
13:25Can I ask you one question?
13:27What?
13:27Why, at half past eight of an evening, are you in pyjamas and dressing gown?
13:31I've just had a hot bath, haven't I?
13:33Well, I hoped you wiped the bath around after you.
13:35Yes, I always do.
13:36Oh, you can't get me for that.
13:38I haven't had a bath.
13:41I noticed.
13:43Pardon?
13:44Three days you've been here and you haven't had a bath.
13:47I haven't had time for a bath.
13:48You can have one last thing at night.
13:50I didn't want to wake you.
13:51You won't wake me.
13:52I'm not sleeping, remember?
13:54Oh, look, Bob, put some clothes on there and let's go and have a nice, quiet drink.
13:58Oh, thanks.
13:58I don't want to go out.
13:59I've just had a hot bath.
14:00Well, you can wrap up warm.
14:01We've got the car.
14:02I don't want to go out.
14:03I just want a quiet evening in with the television.
14:05There's nothing on.
14:06Well, there must be something on.
14:08I've got a look.
14:09There's an inquiry into mental health,
14:11a programme about accidents in the home,
14:13and a documentary on wildlife up the Amazon
14:15and you can't watch that because you're terrified of spiders.
14:18Give your nightmares.
14:19How can I get nightmares when I'm not sleeping?
14:22There's a party political broadcast on at 9.50.
14:24That's always good for a laugh.
14:26That's not on, is it?
14:28Aye, all three channels and all.
14:30Dear me, what a terrible night.
14:32There's a film on.
14:33Oh, a Polish masterpiece.
14:37Quite, with subtitles.
14:39What a terrible night.
14:41Look, Bob, if you come out for a drink,
14:43it'll get yourself out of yourself.
14:45No, Thelma might ring.
14:47Look, if you want to speak to Thelma,
14:49for God's sake, ring her.
14:51Certainly not.
14:52I've got my pride.
14:53I'm not speaking to her, remember?
14:55Well, if you're not speaking to her,
14:56why are you going to wait in all night in case she rings?
14:59Just so I can make it perfectly clear
15:01that I'm not speaking to her.
15:03She left me, remember?
15:05I did not leave her.
15:06She left me.
15:06Look, I'm not going to say it again.
15:08I'll give you one last chance.
15:10Are you coming out with me or not?
15:12No.
15:12Just because Thelma's gone,
15:13you think I'm going to leap at the chance
15:15of having a drink with you every night.
15:16Oh, Bob, when Thelma was here,
15:18you were out having a drink with me almost every night.
15:20Yes, and perhaps if I'd seen less of you,
15:22I wouldn't be in this situation.
15:25Oh, what a nice thing to say.
15:29What a nice thing to say, though, Butt,
15:32that your best friend who spent half the morning
15:34down the butchers.
15:35I'm sorry, but it's the truth.
15:37It has to be said.
15:38Over the years, your presence has had a...
15:41Well, it has to be said.
15:42A destructive influence on Thelma and me.
15:46What a terrible thing to say.
15:50I was your best man.
15:52Yes, and even at the altar,
15:53you were telling me where I could get a quick divorce.
15:55That was just a joke, man,
15:57to take your mind off the horror that was to follow.
15:59There you go again.
16:00That was just another joke.
16:02But it isn't funny.
16:04Listen, Bob,
16:04I have never consciously tried to cause trouble
16:08between you and Thelma.
16:09All right, I've had my differences with Thelma,
16:11almost as many as you,
16:13but I have never consciously tried
16:15to stir it between you and her.
16:17You didn't help on Monday.
16:19Thelma might be here now if you'd sent those flowers.
16:22I'll never forgive you.
16:23Five quid I gave you to send flowers,
16:25and you never got past the betting shop.
16:27I'll pay you back.
16:28You'll get your money.
16:30That is not the point.
16:31That is not the point.
16:32I gave you five quid for flowers.
16:34That is not the point.
16:35I shall never forgive you.
16:37I did buy some flowers.
16:38You did not buy some flowers.
16:40You stole some flowers from the gardens
16:42opposite the rates office.
16:44Well, Thelma's still got them.
16:45It's the thought that counts.
16:47If she had got what I originally intended,
16:49a large bouquet of flowers
16:51wrapped in cellophane with a pink ribbon,
16:53then she might have been impressed with the thought.
16:56What's she going to think about a bunch of marigolds
16:58wrapped in an old daily mirror
17:01shoved through a letterbox?
17:04Oh, if only that horse had come up,
17:05she could have opened her own rotten flower shop.
17:08I suppose if another of your horses had come up,
17:10we might have got something to eat tonight.
17:13What is that supposed to mean?
17:15It just means that I'm wondering, Terry,
17:16what you are doing with the housekeeping, frankly.
17:20Ten quid I gave you on Monday for the housekeeping,
17:22and I've seen precious little for it,
17:23except for a bunch of carrots.
17:26A tin of fruit and some rather fluffy liver.
17:30And the bacon and a tin of semolina.
17:32How much does it cost?
17:33Eight pounds a tin?
17:34It's semolina, not caviar.
17:36I want to see the bills.
17:37I want to see the receipts.
17:39I paid the milk bill, you know,
17:40and the papers and the laundry.
17:42I also made a contribution to the lifeboat fund,
17:45and I've got a flag to prove it.
17:46I can account for every penny.
17:48Oh, of course you can in the betting shop.
17:50Right.
17:51That's it.
17:51You can go so far.
17:53I can take so much.
17:55But that is it.
17:56Three days of living with you
17:57has certainly made me appreciate Thelma's point of view.
18:00I don't know why you got married.
18:01You don't need a wife, you.
18:02You need a housekeeper.
18:03Somebody to cook your meals and balance your books.
18:06Well, I'll tell you one thing, mate.
18:07I have been very tolerant these last few days,
18:10but it's got to be said,
18:12you are impossible to live with.
18:15Where are you going?
18:16I'm leaving you.
18:17That's where I'm going.
18:20I am leaving you just like Thelma did.
18:22You want to think about that, mate?
18:24That's two people who have left you inside a week.
18:28Three, if you count the cat.
18:29Terry!
18:48Hello, Thelma.
18:50I was just passing and I...
18:53Can I come in?
18:54Oh, yes, of course.
18:56I hope I'm not...
19:00No, no, no, there's no one in.
19:02Well, take your coat off.
19:05Is it raining?
19:06A little.
19:07Oh.
19:09Bob's got a mac like that.
19:12Well, that is Bob's mac.
19:14Oh.
19:15What are these bloodstains?
19:17He hasn't had an accident, has he?
19:19Is that why you've come round?
19:20No, no, Thelma, that's not Bob's blood.
19:22That was liver.
19:23Liver?
19:24Carve's liver.
19:25Oh.
19:25For his supper.
19:26Oh.
19:27Oh, well, you'd better come through.
19:33Oh, I'm sorry, Thelma, if you're watching the box, I...
19:35Oh, I was only half watching.
19:37It's about nuns in 14th century Poland.
19:39Philip Jenkinson said it was a masterpiece in the Radio Times.
19:43But I found it very heavy-going.
19:45There was a film on the other week about nuns.
19:48Joan Collins was this nun, if you can believe that.
19:51She was in this open boat with these men.
19:54Only the men didn't know she was a nun, you see, because she'd lost her habit.
19:59Do you want to sit down?
20:00Oh, cheers.
20:01Deborah Kerr.
20:07She was a nun in a film once.
20:10Audrey Hepburn.
20:12The nun story.
20:13Oh, there must be a call for them, films about nuns.
20:18Do you want some tea or something?
20:19No, no, thanks, Thelma, no.
20:21Would you like a drink or something?
20:21No, no, really, really.
20:25How is Bob?
20:28Well, it's about Bob that I called.
20:29He has had an accident.
20:30No, no, honestly, Thelma, no.
20:32It's just that, um...
20:34Well, you should have had some flowers on Monday.
20:37I did get some.
20:39Marigolds.
20:39It was difficult to tell.
20:41Well, I didn't mean those.
20:44You should have had a big bouquet wrapped in cellophane and pink ribbon.
20:49Only you didn't, and Bob seems to think it was my fault, and, uh...
20:54Well, Bob seems to think a lot of the things are my fault.
20:57Oh, you're not to blame, Terry.
20:58Not entirely.
20:59Oh, of course I'm not.
21:01I mean, you can see that, Thelma, with your grammar school education.
21:03I mean, you see things a lot more clearer than what you do.
21:06I mean, I said to him,
21:08have I ever tried to stir things between you and Thelma?
21:11Well, you know the answer to that.
21:13Yes.
21:15But he has upset me today, Thelma.
21:18And when I think how long I've known him,
21:20since 1948, to be exact,
21:22since then, we've done everything together.
21:25All those years, we've had the same friends,
21:27the same hobbies, the same girls,
21:30present company excluded, of course.
21:32Well, you tried hard enough once.
21:36Did I? When was that?
21:37That trip to Blackpool.
21:40Why?
21:41Oh, well, that was a long time ago, Thelma.
21:43We were very young, and I was inflamed with a brown ale.
21:46Well, you know what...
21:47You know what these coach trips are like?
21:50It was dark and confused.
21:52And anyway, I thought you were somebody else.
21:54Well, I didn't mean that I didn't find you attractive, Thelma, as a woman.
21:58I've always been very aware of you as a woman.
22:01I mean, it's just that, well, even then, all that time ago,
22:04you were always Bob's girl.
22:06I mean, even when you weren't speaking to each other like now,
22:09it was always Bob and Thelma.
22:11Even when he was having that frantic scene with Bryony Hood, he still...
22:14Bryony Hood? When was this?
22:16Oh, that, that, um...
22:17I remember Bryony Hood only too well.
22:20She broke her father's heart.
22:22She went to a convent
22:23and ends up dancing topless in a Sunderland discotheque.
22:26Really?
22:29Broke her father's heart.
22:31Mind you, she did have a fantastic pair of...
22:33Well, that's no excuse.
22:35There's no reason to flaunt them
22:36in front of the teenage population of Weerside.
22:39Quite.
22:39And Bob had a frantic scene with her, did he?
22:41Oh, that was long before she went topless.
22:44Bob's never let on about that.
22:46Oh, Thelma, please.
22:48I'm not consciously trying to stir things.
22:50What I'm trying to say is that
22:53you and Bob belong together.
22:55He's in a terrible state without you, you know.
22:57He feels things very deeply and...
23:00Well, he loves you and...
23:01Despite his faults, he's...
23:03He's a good lad, one of the best,
23:05and I just think that you should be there with him now.
23:08He's all alone.
23:10I thought you were with him.
23:11Oh, I've packed it in, I've left him.
23:14Driving me round the bend.
23:17Expects his meals on the table
23:18the minute he walks in through the door.
23:20Yes, he does, doesn't he?
23:22And everything's got to be absolutely in the right place.
23:25Well, I'm as tidy as the next person,
23:26but with him it's an obsession, a fetish.
23:28I know, I know.
23:29He was like that at school, do you remember?
23:31Oh, yes, his desk, everything in its place,
23:33his crayon sharpened.
23:34In the Scouts,
23:36he used to have pleats ironed in the back of his shirt.
23:38Oh, I still have to do that for his shirt,
23:40and it cost me a fortune at the dry cleaners.
23:42Don't!
23:42I was in there only yesterday with some of his stuff,
23:44and I never realised the cost of cleaning.
23:46Yeah, then he asks you where the money goes.
23:48But he doesn't realise, Thelma.
23:50He doesn't have to do the shopping.
23:52He doesn't realise how the cost of living has risen.
23:55He doesn't have to spend all morning
23:57in the supermarket or the cleaners.
23:58Do you know I stood for 15 minutes
24:00in that butcher's this morning?
24:02This was the liver?
24:03The calf's liver, yes.
24:04He likes that.
24:06He didn't actually get it.
24:07How is he in himself?
24:12He's a bundle of nerves.
24:14Is he sleeping?
24:15No.
24:17He's snoring a lot, but he's not sleeping.
24:19Gets my teeth on edge, that.
24:21Oh, mine too.
24:24Do you know, Terry,
24:25we've got one thing in common.
24:27What?
24:28He drives us both mad.
24:29He drives us both mad.
24:31It's only me, pet.
24:54Hello, Audrey.
24:55Come in, love.
24:55Oh, well, just for a minute, then.
24:57I shan't stop.
25:01What are you doing?
25:02I'm trying to clean up.
25:03There's blood everywhere.
25:04What have you...
25:05What have you done?
25:08Oh, it's not me.
25:09It's Terry.
25:10You haven't murdered him.
25:13Not yet.
25:16Nobody'd blame you if you did, pet.
25:18Do you know, Audrey,
25:18he's turned this place into a pigsty.
25:20Come on through.
25:22Look, I'll not stop, Bob.
25:23I only popped round
25:24while the party political was on
25:26because I don't want you to think
25:27that I'm one of these people
25:28who you don't hear from for ages
25:29who turns up at the first hint of disaster.
25:32But if there's anything I can do,
25:33anything at all, pet,
25:34don't hesitate.
25:35Thank you very much, Audrey.
25:36You are kind,
25:37but I think this is the kind of thing
25:38I've got to sort out for myself,
25:40you know.
25:40I know, pet.
25:41But sometimes it helps
25:42to get out and see friends,
25:44you know.
25:44It gets yourself out of yourself.
25:46You're more than welcome
25:47to come and sleep at our place.
25:48I don't sleep, Audrey.
25:50Oh, I'm not.
25:51I'm not surprised, pet.
25:52I've been through this sort of thing
25:54myself, you know.
25:54I'm not unfamiliar.
25:56Yes, well,
25:56we'll just have to see
25:57how things work out.
25:58It will.
25:59What?
26:00Work out.
26:01Well, we'll just have to see.
26:03Well, look, I can't stop.
26:04Where's our Terry?
26:05Is he out drinking?
26:06I don't know, Audrey.
26:07He's gone, you see.
26:08He's left me.
26:10Must be something about me,
26:11some quality
26:12that makes people leave me.
26:14Oh, I don't...
26:15I don't think I'm difficult
26:16to live with, do you?
26:17Oh, don't be silly, Bob.
26:18Of course you're not.
26:19Audrey, did you wipe your feet?
26:21I've only just done this for all.
26:22Oh, I'm ever so sorry, Bob.
26:24Well, look, I can't stop.
26:25You're leaving me, in other words.
26:27But I said I couldn't stay.
26:28You're leaving me.
26:29You're leaving me
26:30just like all the others.
26:35Cheers.
26:35Cheers.
26:36Bob and Thelma.
26:38Cheers.
26:39I suppose Bob
26:40is just a habit
26:40that I've got to get out of.
26:42Like Joan Collins
26:43and that boat.
26:45Pardon?
26:46Oh, yes, yes.
26:47Very witty, Thelma.
26:48Yes, yes.
26:48Who on earth's that?
26:51It's not your mother, is it?
26:52No, no, it's playing
26:53for each with the Aversons.
27:00Oh, hello, Audrey.
27:01Hello, Thelma, pet.
27:02Look, I can't stop,
27:03but I thought I'd better rush over.
27:04Oh, it's just that I...
27:05What are you doing here?
27:08I am having a quiet drink
27:09with my friend Thelma.
27:11Thelma.
27:11Thelma's been very sweet.
27:12Very sweet and understanding.
27:15Thelma has?
27:16This Thelma?
27:16Yes, he has.
27:19He's been telling me
27:19to get back to Bob.
27:20Oh, and I think you should pet.
27:22The sooner the better.
27:23I've just been around there
27:24to see how he is
27:25and he's behaving most peculiarly.
27:27He's gone all morbid
27:28and depressed
27:29and he's brandishing this knife.
27:31Listen, I'll ring him.
27:32I'll tell him I'm on my way.
27:34Is he terribly depressed?
27:35Well, yes,
27:35I can't pretend he isn't.
27:37I think he thinks
27:37everybody's against him.
27:39And he's very worried
27:40about Ginger.
27:40He doesn't answer.
27:58Well, he must be there.
27:59I've just left him
27:59in his dressing gown.
28:01I must go to him.
28:02Oh, no.
28:02Oh, my God.
28:32Oh, darling!
28:34Oh, to think I'm to know you!
28:38Oh, excuse me, excuse me!
28:40Oh!
28:41Selma!
28:42Darling, what is it?
28:44What?
28:45Selma, you're getting oven stick all over your blouse.
28:51Oh, what happened to you?
28:55Whatever happened to me?
28:58What became of the people we used to be?
29:05Oh, what happened to you?
29:09Whatever happened to me?
29:12What became of the people we used to be?
29:20Oh, what happened to you?
29:24Whatever happened to me?
29:27What became of the people we used to be?
29:31Oh, right.
29:32Oh, yeah!
29:33Oh, yeah.
29:34Oh, yeah.
29:35Ah, yeah!
29:36Oh, yeah.
29:37Okay, I'll talk to you later on.
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