- 3 months ago
First broadcast 9th January 1973.
Bob is now engaged to Thelma with plans to move onto a middle class housing estate.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Deirdre Costello - Woman on Train (as Deidre Costello)
James Mellor - Steward
Angelique Ashly - Stripper in Club
Bob is now engaged to Thelma with plans to move onto a middle class housing estate.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Deirdre Costello - Woman on Train (as Deidre Costello)
James Mellor - Steward
Angelique Ashly - Stripper in Club
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Ooh, what happened to you? Whatever happened to me? And what became of the people we used to be?
00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast. It's the only thing to look forward to, the past.
00:30Oh.
00:49Where did you get those wellies?
00:52Off the man in the side office. Don't you remember the little man with the limp?
00:57Oh, Bob, look! The damp course.
01:04How could I ever forget?
01:07And a week later?
01:11The main drainage.
01:17My house! You know, I can't get used to saying that.
01:21Have you seen my house? Why don't you all come round to my house? We could meet at my house. I'm thinking of selling my house.
01:30Oh, come on, we haven't moved in yet. Anyway, it's our house.
01:35I know, pet. Our house. She knew.
01:39Oh, Bob. I can't wait to move in.
01:43What's on those other slides, love?
01:45Well, I don't think it's any more of the house. I just think they're all a mixture of everything.
01:50Are you happy? I mean, really, really happy happy.
02:00I'm fantastically happy.
02:02I am. Oh, I know it's silly, but sometimes it worries me I'm so happy. I keep expecting something to come along and spoil it.
02:11Daft thing. What could possibly do that?
02:15You did that on perfect. No, I didn't, darling. I just picked one out at random.
02:23Now, some jokes I can understand. Like electrocuting people. Or putting a piranha in their bath.
02:29But suddenly, just like that, producing him, I mean, it's not funny.
02:32Thelma, I just picked it out. It was just like a lucky dip.
02:36Oh. A lucky dip. Or an unlucky dip.
02:39It could have been anything. It could have been your sister's wedding or my first bicycle or us caravanning in East Lynx.
02:47It just happened to be the creature from the Black Lagoon.
02:52Oh, I'm sorry. It was just a shock. He's always been there, you know, Bob. A nagging doubt, haunting me.
02:59Love, dearest, it isn't as if he's even a friend of mine anymore.
03:04He hasn't written to me, spoken to me in over four years. Not a whisper.
03:08Even when he came home on leave two Christmases ago, he didn't bother to look me up.
03:12Even though my mother sent him a racing calendar.
03:16I mean, I hardly know Terry Collier now.
03:19Hmm.
03:21Oh.
03:28And then what's the matter with you?
03:29What?
03:30You're upset because I'm going to London.
03:31No, I'm not.
03:32Yes, you are. I'm on business. Not a big last fling.
03:36I'm only a cheap day return.
03:39Oh, I'm sorry.
03:41I'll go and make you some tea and cheese and biscuits.
03:44It was just seeing that.
03:59My lad, it wants some chocolate.
04:01Rabbits don't eat chocolate.
04:03They eat lettuce, carrots, stuff like that.
04:05They are vegetarians.
04:06Mine doesn't.
04:07Look, I think Robert would like a little lie down.
04:10He's not feeling too well, but with a train ride and all that chocolate
04:14and you swinging him round like that by his left ear hole.
04:16Let's put him up here, shall we?
04:18In his little hammock.
04:19Do you want some chocolate?
04:21No, he doesn't.
04:22You are wrong and I am right.
04:24Bunny is in his bunk, kipping furiously,
04:26dreaming of bunny girls
04:27and doesn't wish to be disturbed until he gets to panic.
04:30Thanks ever so much.
04:38Did they play up?
04:39No, not at all.
04:41I've got away with kids.
04:42I'm grateful.
04:44Are you in the services?
04:45Was.
04:46I'm on terminal leave.
04:47Finished.
04:48Done it all.
04:49Five years.
04:50Did you enjoy it?
04:52Apart from this, yeah.
04:54Oh, what happened?
04:55I never talked about it.
04:57Sorry.
04:58Please, please.
04:59I don't know.
05:01Do you live in London?
05:02No, no.
05:03Just passing through.
05:04Getting the train up north tonight.
05:05A few hours to kill.
05:06Oh, you'd be more than welcome to come back with me.
05:08Get your feet up for the day if you want.
05:11Oh, no.
05:12Yeah, why not?
05:13You'd like my husband.
05:14He was a marine.
05:16Yes, well, it's very kind of you,
05:18but I've only got the day, you see,
05:20so I should really see relatives.
05:22That's it.
05:23Must spend the day with the family.
05:29We.
05:30Ah!
05:32Oh, no.
05:34Oh, no.
05:39Oh, no.
05:42Oh, no.
06:43Any spare seats?
06:46Oh, sod it. Sorry. Was that your foot?
06:49It's all right. I've got another.
06:51What's up with the lights?
06:53Power failure. Typical.
06:55Would you believe it?
06:57The jet age.
06:58High-speed gas.
07:01Inter-city makes the going great.
07:03Typical of this country.
07:05I mean, there'll be no heating on either.
07:06Is there any heat your side?
07:08Sorry again.
07:09It wasn't me me that time.
07:10Sorry, mate.
07:11How far are you going?
07:12Newcastle.
07:13For God's sake, sit down.
07:14We ought to be black and blue by the time we get there.
07:17Are you from up that way?
07:19Yeah, nearly.
07:20I haven't been back for ages.
07:22Just come out of the army.
07:23Oh, aye.
07:25Enjoy it.
07:25Got a lot out of it. Got a lot out of it.
07:27Aye, I nearly went in once.
07:29Could have done a lot worse.
07:31Actually, there's a funny story attached to it.
07:33See, I have this mate.
07:34Well, me best mate, you know.
07:36Very close.
07:37Anyway, a few years back, I decided it might be a good idea to join the services.
07:42You know, get away for a bit.
07:43See something of the world.
07:45So I signed on.
07:46But when I went away, this mate of mine, he couldn't take it.
07:50He went to pieces.
07:51He couldn't function without me.
07:53I suppose it was like losing your right arm.
07:56So he signs on just to be with me.
07:58And you'll never guess.
08:00He gets in.
08:05And I get discharged flat feet.
08:08I'm free again and he's in for three years.
08:14I can still see the look on his face.
08:17I still laugh when I think about it.
08:19I mean, it's a sad story in a way because he hasn't spoken to me like since.
08:23You know, but when you're telling a story, I mean, when you're telling someone else,
08:27you've got to see the funny side.
08:28You've got to laugh.
08:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:33Ha.
08:34You bastard.
08:40Terry.
08:41You rotten bastard.
08:42Oh.
08:44You've got to laugh, haven't you?
08:45You've got to see the funny side.
08:47You've got to laugh at the fact that your best mate missed the most important years of his life.
08:51It is a joke.
08:53I'm very sorry, Terry.
08:55Sorry?
08:55What does that mean?
08:56That's what you said two minutes ago when you stepped on me foot.
08:58I'm sorry you're supposed to wipe the slate clean.
09:01Look, we tried to buy you out.
09:03Honestly, as soon as I got back to the factory, I organised a whip round.
09:07We just couldn't raise enough funds.
09:09What do you mean?
09:11What about me going away whip round?
09:12There was no shortage of funds for that.
09:14Aye, I know.
09:14Well, that was for you going away.
09:15We couldn't seem to raise the same amount of support for you coming back.
09:20I suppose you had to laugh at that as well.
09:24Oh, no.
09:24I don't mean it's funny ha-ha.
09:27I mean, well, it's ironical if you like.
09:30Oh, yes, it's ironical.
09:32It's ironical that when this country goes through a social transformation, I'm not here to see it.
09:36It's ironical that everybody over here has happened the best time they've ever had since the roaring 20s.
09:41I'm stuck in a Nissen hut in BFPO 14.
09:46I missed it all.
09:47Swinging Britain was just hearsay to me.
09:51Something I read about in the overseas edition of the Daily Mail.
09:55The death of censorship, the new morality.
09:58Oh, Calcutta, topless waitresses and see-through niggers.
10:04They never caught on.
10:07Topless waitresses.
10:09Well, that's a crumb of comfort.
10:11At least I'd like to have been here to see them not catching on.
10:15Permissive society, I missed it all.
10:18I get back and it's Malcolm Muggeridge, Lord Longford and the Jesus Revolution.
10:23Well, it wasn't all that much.
10:25It has to be better than Munch and Gladbach.
10:27Where?
10:28Exactly.
10:30Munch and Gladbach.
10:31Where's that?
10:32Munch and Gladbach is the West Hartlepool of West Germany.
10:36You get the picture?
10:36Look, Terry, what happened, happened.
10:39I didn't want it to happen.
10:41I didn't engineer it.
10:42It wasn't all part of a grand plan.
10:44It wasn't a conspiracy.
10:46It was kismet.
10:48Fate.
10:49Like Doris Day said, que sera, sera.
10:52I can't stand Doris Day.
10:54All right, Terry, so you don't believe me.
10:57Just ask yourself one question.
10:59Could I have forged flat feet?
11:00And would I, in all seriousness, want my own two feet to be flat?
11:08I suppose not.
11:10Not that I suppose it means anything at all to you.
11:15I was very upset.
11:17I missed you.
11:19Did you?
11:19Well, we all did.
11:21Me and the lads in the factory spent two months and 50 plain postcards
11:24trying to get you a request on two-way family favourites.
11:28I've never heard it.
11:29Well, don't blame me, mate.
11:31Take it up with Michael Aspel.
11:34What was the request?
11:37Doris Day singing que sera, sera.
11:40I can't stand Doris Day.
11:44Well, I wasn't a no, that was a no, I haven't heard from you.
11:46I wasn't a no what your musical tastes were.
11:48You could have been into the Pink Floyd or the Foden Works Brass Band.
11:55You're looking very well.
11:56I am, I am.
11:57Fit, fit.
12:00Well, apart from this.
12:03What's up with your leg?
12:04I never talk about it.
12:07Oh.
12:10Well, how have you been, then?
12:11Fine, fine.
12:12I can't complain.
12:13That's good, good.
12:13I'm glad to be here.
12:15I had me appendix out two years ago.
12:17Oh.
12:18No hard feelings.
12:23No hard feelings.
12:25Welcome back.
12:27Glad to be back.
12:29Good lad.
12:30Oh, for God's sake, man.
12:32There's no need for all that.
12:33I'm sorry.
12:34I always was a bit emotional.
12:38I'll be all right.
12:39I'll be all right.
12:40I'll be all right.
12:41I'll be all right.
12:42I'll be all right.
12:43Oh.
12:44I think this is yours.
12:46Eh?
12:46Oh, cheers.
12:56You haven't halted much.
12:58All right.
12:59Cheers.
12:59Cheers.
13:01You don't look a day older.
13:03No.
13:03You do.
13:06Do I?
13:07Well, most people don't think so.
13:08It's probably because you've put a bit of weight on.
13:10I haven't.
13:11I've been very careful about me diet.
13:13You've put a bit on down here.
13:14Really?
13:16You've certainly put some on up there.
13:18That's what most people have nowadays, haven't they?
13:20People say it suits me like this.
13:23I've been told I look like Kelly Nastassi.
13:25Who?
13:27Nastassi, the tennis player, Wimbledon.
13:29Tennis.
13:30I like tennis.
13:32I've joined the Rockcliffe Club.
13:34God preserve us.
13:37I saw your mother the other day.
13:38She looked very well.
13:39Aye.
13:40Not to speak too late.
13:41Just through the car window.
13:44Through the what?
13:45The car window.
13:47What car window?
13:49My car window.
13:51You've got a car?
13:52I haven't just got the window.
13:59But you can't drive.
14:01Of course I can drive.
14:02I've been driving for ages, man.
14:03My second car, this is.
14:04What happened to the first?
14:05Too small.
14:08Yeah, well, obviously, now I'm back.
14:10One of the first things I'll have to do is get myself a car.
14:13Got a licence, then?
14:14Well, not exactly.
14:15I mean, only one one can't, will it?
14:17I mean, driving tanks and such, I mean, it's not the same.
14:20Of course, you've been away five years, haven't you?
14:23Yeah.
14:23But you only signed on for three to begin with.
14:26Yeah.
14:26So you must have signed on for an extra, too.
14:30Yes, I suppose I did, if you put it like that.
14:31So it can't have been all that bad.
14:33You must have enjoyed it a bit.
14:35Well, I suppose, looking back,
14:38in retrospect, overall, by and large,
14:40it was a rewarding experience.
14:43There was enough good things to compensate for the bad.
14:47Do you want to sit down, mate?
14:52Do you know, I don't think that would be a bad idea.
15:01Mind you, it gave me a chance to see the world.
15:04Some fantastic places.
15:06Like Munch and Gladbach?
15:08Well, look, that was only part of it.
15:09I mean, I wasn't in Germany all the time.
15:11I've been around, man.
15:12I've seen it all.
15:13Places the ordinary bloke would never get a chance to go to.
15:16Like where?
15:17Well, Malta, for one.
15:19Well, there's a place.
15:20I could tell you some things about Malta.
15:22That's fantastic.
15:23I was there last year, two weeks.
15:24I quite liked it.
15:25Where else have you been?
15:27Yeah, well, I mean, Malta's not all that much cop, really,
15:29so, I mean, anybody can get there nowadays.
15:31No, no, I spent most of my time in Cyprus.
15:33Farmer Guste?
15:36Yes.
15:36In those kind of medieval barracks near the port?
15:40Yes, why?
15:41We were in that new luxury hotel just beyond there.
15:45Seventh floor with a balcony.
15:47We could look right down on your quadrangle.
15:50Parade ground.
15:52I'm surprised they didn't include you in the brochure.
15:54On a clear day, you can see Corporal Collier.
15:59It looked a desperate place, though.
16:01I only worked there, man.
16:02Every weekend I was off all over the place.
16:05I once spent a week's leave in Tunis.
16:08That's incredible.
16:09We were there.
16:12This year, smashing hotel, two pools, French cuisine.
16:15I was then posted to the Gobi Desert.
16:17How funny we didn't run across each other there.
16:18No, but it's a small world, isn't it?
16:22When you think, while I've been sitting in my luxury hotels, on my balcony, sipping martinis,
16:28you've just been an olive stone's throw away in some dusty old barracks swilling naffy beer.
16:34Swilling naffy?
16:35You're living in the dark ages, man.
16:36You've no idea what today's army's like.
16:38It's all technical and sophisticated.
16:42Water skiing in Hong Kong and growing your hair longer.
16:45Please fill in the coupon for free colour brochure.
16:48Oh, look, stop taking the mick.
16:49All I'm saying is I don't regret it.
16:52I learned a lot.
16:53Well, I'm glad, man.
16:54Of course, I'm glad.
16:55I'm glad.
16:55I mean, it makes me feel a whole lot better, doesn't it?
16:58Nice to know you're all to my flat feet.
17:01Aye, well, let's drink to them, shall we?
17:04Cheers.
17:08So what's all been going on, then, while I've been away?
17:11Oh, I don't know where to begin.
17:14I told you about me appendix, didn't I?
17:15Yes.
17:16Yeah.
17:17Well, obviously, a fantastic amount's happened.
17:20A fantastic amount.
17:22Um, let me think.
17:24Um, let me see.
17:27Um, we've got BBC Two now.
17:30We had that before I left.
17:34Did we?
17:35Yeah, time flies.
17:38Um, what's been happening?
17:41What's happened?
17:42Um, all right, Cluffy.
17:44Cluffy's retired and bought a newsagents.
17:47Has he?
17:47A newsagents and tobacconists, matter of fact.
17:50Really?
17:50Aye, I was in there only the other day to buy a birthday card for Mrs Morris.
17:54How fantastic.
17:57And that's it, is it?
17:58That's a brief summary of what I've missed in the last five years.
18:02Those are the recorded highlights, are they?
18:05Cluffy's bought a newsagentsy and Mrs Morris has had a birthday.
18:08Come on, Terry, man.
18:09Obviously a lot more than that's happened.
18:11I just can't pick things out at right.
18:13You'd be surprised the changes there's been.
18:15If you kept in touch.
18:18Yeah, well, I meant to, Bob.
18:21I mean, that first Christmas when I came home on leave, I fully intended to come round and see and patch things up.
18:27And my mum told me you'd got engaged to Thelma Chambers, so, you know.
18:32You never liked Thelma, did you?
18:35Well, of course I did.
18:36That's got nothing to do with it.
18:37It was just realising that nothing was going to be the same again.
18:40You can't turn the clock back.
18:42I just felt out of place.
18:44Nothing to do with Thelma.
18:45And I admire her.
18:46I always have.
18:47We broke it off just after that.
18:52Did you?
18:53Yeah.
18:56Well, I can't say I'm sorry, Bob.
18:58To be perfectly honest, that is a load off my mind.
19:01I mean, I can say it now because you are my mate, and if you're going to get married, get married.
19:05But not the Thelma Chambers.
19:07You can do better than that.
19:09I never could understand what you saw in her.
19:13By God, she didn't half give herself some airs, that one.
19:16She was so stuck up, she thought her backside was a perfume factory.
19:23What's the matter?
19:28I am marrying Thelma Chambers in six weeks' time.
19:32What, you just said...
19:32We made it up again.
19:35Oh, Bob.
19:36Oh, please don't bother to apologise.
19:38What does I'm sorry mean?
19:40You can't turn back the clock.
19:42It is obvious, Terry, that you and I have got very little in common.
19:45It amazes me that we ever did have.
19:48I wish you the very best of luck in the future.
19:50And please give my regards to your mother and father.
20:03Same again, mate.
20:05No, hang on, hang on.
20:05I'll have a short scotch.
20:08Where does this train stop next, don't you, Gaster?
20:09Right.
20:10Yeah, well, if I get off there, I suppose I can get the next train back to London.
20:16Never go back.
20:19I sacrificed the best five years of my life for that fella.
20:24And now he tells me he's getting married.
20:26Don't worry, sailor.
20:28There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:29There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:30There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:31There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:32There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:33There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:34There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:35There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:36There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:37There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:38There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:39There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:40There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:41There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:42There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:43There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:44There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:45There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:46There's plenty more pebbles on the beach.
20:47thank you very much thank you i suppose you're just gonna let me sleep on i suppose that was
21:05your childish way of getting your own back just gonna let me wake up in edinburgh we might have
21:09exchanged a few harsh words but a little tap on the window wouldn't have hurt i didn't think
21:13there was any point in waking you up to tell you that i was getting off at doncaster
21:17you met who oh i knew it i knew it that photo was no accident it was an act of god
21:37an omen and you're trapped with him in doncaster oh well i mean this is it isn't it i mean this
21:45is the point of no return the moment of truth i hope you realize bob the next half hour could
21:51be a landmark in your life
21:53any spare seats free country
22:03i expect you feel the cold after the med
22:11why why why did you get off here i thought it might be the one place bob ferris hadn't been to
22:21no seriously it's like you said bob you can't turn the clock back oh you said that may you said it
22:33first well whoever it's true that's the point apart from me folks there's nothing for me back home
22:39it's a long time five years let's face there'll have been more changes than coffee's news agents
22:43bound to be i'm not the same person i used to be neither are you i mean it was simple enough in
22:49them days it was birds booze and the dance hall now it's the wife and tennis clubs and scampi supper
22:57dances and holidays in malda all me mates will have settled down now with mortgages and children
23:05saving up their green shield stamps for a new set of hot glasses
23:09i'll be like a square peg and around what's it
23:12when i was first in the army i used to think
23:16i used to think when i get back
23:19and then i started thinking when i get back what
23:23can't expect everything to have been kept in a deep freeze since i've left
23:27i envy you in a way you've got your girl you've got your second car good luck
23:35i'm very sorry terry no i saw mine it's funny since we met you seem to have done nothing but
23:45apologize to each other yeah i know i'm sorry about that now what
23:49hi well what will you do then well i've always thought i should try down south london you know
23:57place to be all right well the permissive society is still going on down there much more than up our
24:01way i might just catch the tail end i caught a glimpse of it today and so not much cop where
24:09there are some strip club dear me
24:13i spent most of the day around the galleries
24:17it was just killing time
24:20which club was it
24:22knave of art i think it was called
24:24the one with the maltese girl and the boa constrictor
24:27how do you know
24:32um i must have passed it on my way to the tate
24:35is that why you went to london today to look at paintings and things no i want to get
24:41thelma a wedding present something special bond street what is it it's a barometer
24:50it's a bit big isn't it you'll have a hell of a job trying to stick that in her mouth
24:58you hang it on the wall it tells you what the weather is you've only got to look out of the
25:02window to see what the weather is well she's always wanted one i bet her temperature will
25:08go up when you tell her you met me already told her i rang her up a few minutes ago she was meeting
25:13me at the station what did she say she said this was my moment of truth people do not have moments
25:20of truth in station waiting rooms she said for a long time now the threat of your return has cast
25:26a giant shadow over her entire future happiness she's very poetic isn't she she's assistant librarian
25:35mind you i can appreciate her panic that phone call must have put the wind right up her kilt
25:41but when she's in that barrier to meet your train she'll only be fifty percent certain that you'll be
25:45on it get stuck well she won't believe all this man us sitting here she'll see us in doncaster's
25:51latin quarter being seen to by a pair of west indian models to the strains of begin the begin
25:57she knows me better than that trust probably a word you don't understand what exists between two
26:04people who are gonna get married means not having to worry what the other one's up to
26:09not having to care not having to be afraid not having doubts
26:14besides doncaster hasn't got a latin quarter has it
26:22sure you won't change your mind terry and come on home after all it is your home no your mind's made
26:28up certain as you are i can manage in london once i get used to their beer anyway for your sake i'm best
26:36out of it i don't want to cast my wiry shadow over your happiness so this is it then
26:41uh i'll see you in another five years i expect cluffy will have a chain of shops by then all right
26:51i say so long then so god bless cheers
27:11uh
27:23uh
27:25uh
27:29uh
27:31uh
27:35Bob?
27:52You've got a surprise for me.
28:00I'm sorry.
28:02Hello, Selma.
28:05Oh, what happened to you
28:11Whatever happened to me
28:14What became of the people
28:18We used to be
28:21Oh, what happened to you
28:25Whatever happened to me
28:28What became of the people
28:32We used to be
28:35Oh, what happened to you
28:40Whatever happened to me
28:42What became of the people
28:46There was a living room
28:48In the middle of the mountains
28:50We used to be
28:52One Baptist
28:53To be with us
28:54And we used to be
28:56And we used to be
28:56Oh, what happened to you
28:57And we used to be
28:58And we used to be
28:59And we used to be
28:59And we used to be
29:00And we used to be
Recommended
50:46
|
Up next
28:46
29:42
28:48
48:51
29:32
28:44
29:16
24:18
29:25
25:17
28:13
29:12
29:51
29:18
28:43
28:52
29:27
30:09
29:40
22:46
29:03
29:12
30:01
44:27
Be the first to comment