- 5 months ago
First broadcast 19th February 1974.
Whilst he and Thelma are on holiday Bob lets Terry stay at their house in exchange for doing some work on the house.
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
Olive Milbourne - Mrs Collier
Helen Cotterill - Sandra Upton
Tony Haygarth - Milkman (as Anthony Haygarth)
Whilst he and Thelma are on holiday Bob lets Terry stay at their house in exchange for doing some work on the house.
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Sheila Fearn - Audrey Collier
Olive Milbourne - Mrs Collier
Helen Cotterill - Sandra Upton
Tony Haygarth - Milkman (as Anthony Haygarth)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me? And what became of the people we used to be?
00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast. It's the only thing to look forward to, the past.
00:30Oh, I got you a nice bit of cake from Carrick's, ma'am, and a quarter of ham. It looks nice, that ham. Really nice.
00:42Should I make your sandwich now, pet? Oh, no, I'll cut it here. It'd be lovely.
00:47What's that noise? Terry's putting up some shelves in the airing cupboard. Then he says he's going to do that landing window.
00:54Oh, peace offering, is it? I should think so, too. You have never been so embarrassed.
01:00There's tea here if you want it. I'm getting the washing in, Audrey. I've never been so embarrassed.
01:13Is it sugar?
01:14Do you want a piece of cake or a ham sandwich? No, no, thanks. A cup of tea will do. Where's my mum?
01:22She's in the backyard, avoiding you. Oh, you've heard, have you?
01:26Yes, I have heard, and my mum's very upset.
01:29I know. God, it was embarrassing.
01:32Well, who was she?
01:33Just a girl. Just a lass I know. Canny lass. Works in the sweet factory.
01:37I haven't known her quite a while.
01:40I hope so, judging by what mum says was going on.
01:43Well, I thought they'd all be in bed. That's why I brought her back here.
01:46Just my luck, my mum wins it bingo and goes down the railway club to celebrate.
01:50Typical. The night my number comes up, her number comes up.
01:54She brought Auntie Elsie back and Mrs. Arpwright.
01:57I know, that snooty sow. Ever since her cousin was on down your way, she thinks she's Isabelle Bloody Barnet.
02:02That's why they went in the front room, you see, impressing Mrs. Arpwright.
02:14Now, when has anybody in this house ever used that front room?
02:17Nobody's been in there since coronation night.
02:19Oh, man sometimes takes the vicar in there when he calls, and that lady from Avon Cosmetics.
02:24Not at night time, surely.
02:25Do you know I found a copy of Picture Post under the sofa cushion?
02:29Well, look, Terry, you live with mum and dad.
02:31You can't abuse their house.
02:33I'm a man, aren't I? Hell, I've been married.
02:35And a man has appetites.
02:38Well, you should eat out.
02:41I've got no place to go.
02:43That's me main problem.
02:45Apart from the air falling out.
02:47Well, what were you doing when they walked in?
02:49We weren't reading the Picture Post.
02:52I mean, how far had things, well, you know...
02:55We'd pass the point of no return.
02:57Mum said Mrs. Arpwright needed smelling salts.
03:00And what about the...
03:01What about the poor lass?
03:02She was none too nonchalant.
03:05Hello, Audrey.
03:06I believe you dropped this pet.
03:09He's dropped enough in this house, Bob, in the last few hours.
03:11Oh, it's nothing unusual, is it?
03:13A man has appetites.
03:15Here, here, have a strong mint.
03:17Do you want a cup of tea, Bob?
03:18No, thank you, Pess.
03:19How's Thelma?
03:20She's fine, she's fine.
03:22We're going away for the weekend.
03:24Oh, where to?
03:25We're going to Scotland.
03:26We're going skiing in Scotland.
03:28Friday to Tuesday, 25 quid, all in.
03:30Oh, skiing again.
03:32You are getting keen, aren't you?
03:33I would have thought your honeymoon would have put you off skiing.
03:36You came back in plaster, you know.
03:39Oh, how many times does it have to be said?
03:43I did not do that skiing.
03:45I did that on the aeroplane steps.
03:49Well, are you any good at it?
03:50Yes, my instructor says I have a natural talent.
03:53He kept sending me off on great long runs.
03:54Well, of course he did, and you know why, surely?
03:57Because while you were rolling off into the distance, he was pulling your Thelma.
04:01He's only jealous, he's only jealous because he's never been skiing.
04:04He's never done anything like that.
04:06Oh, I wouldn't want to.
04:07It's of no interest to me whatsoever.
04:09I do the sports I enjoy.
04:12As Mrs. Arkwright can testify.
04:14Oh, what's this?
04:15Nothing, nothing, nothing for your ears.
04:18Do you know, Bob, my mum brought some people back here last night,
04:21and he was on the sitting room floor, seducing a sweet rapper?
04:28Sweet rapper, my word.
04:31She is not a sweet rapper, thank you very much.
04:33She's a cut above that.
04:35She's a rock breaker.
04:38In prison, is she?
04:40She breaks the rock into foot-long lengths.
04:43Where do you find them?
04:45Do you hang round the entrance to the trading estate?
04:47The other week it was a girl who worked in the egg-packing station.
04:51Canny lass and all.
04:52She really fancied me.
04:54Go to work on an egg.
04:56I tell you, mate, she thought I was one of the best.
04:59Stamped a little lion on me bum.
05:00Oh, Terry.
05:02You're so common and crude.
05:04It's a wonder you can get girls a tour.
05:06Well, I can't.
05:06Not in this house.
05:08I'm off, mum.
05:09Right in front of us.
05:10Give my love to Thelma, Bob, and have a lovely weekend.
05:13Right, right, Ward.
05:14Oh, regards to her.
05:17Hey, who is that, um, who is the girl you were with on Tuesday?
05:21What?
05:21When?
05:22Tuesday.
05:23Thelma and I were going to the pictures and we saw you through the car window.
05:26With this girl wobbling along on those ridiculous heels.
05:29Well, that's her, Pamela.
05:31Right, yes.
05:32She looked like a rock breaker.
05:34Oh, hello, Bob.
05:36Hello, Sissy.
05:37Oh, you do look smart.
05:41You're looking well yourself.
05:42Well, how's Thelma?
05:44Oh, she's fine, she's fine.
05:45And how's the new house?
05:46Well, it's coming along, it's coming along.
05:48But there's so much to do, you know, and so little time, what with work and night school.
05:53And I've got to creosote the fence and put up a new light fitting, oh, I can't tell you.
05:57I've been doing a lot around the house, haven't I, Mum?
06:04You've done well, Bob.
06:05You must be a great comfort to your mother.
06:09She must be proud of you.
06:16You know, you are a great credit to your mother, Bob.
06:20And to your Thelma.
06:22They must both be very proud of you.
06:26Pardon?
06:26Well, working the way you do.
06:29And as you say, getting the house together, even though you've got to go to work and night school.
06:34I don't know how you do it.
06:35I don't know how you do it.
06:37I couldn't.
06:38And then I'll lead such an aimless life.
06:40I haven't got your, you know, you're a model to us all, Bob.
06:46Am I?
06:47Certainly.
06:48And do you know what would give me pleasure?
06:50Do you know what would give me real satisfaction?
06:53Helping you.
06:55Just somehow, in some small way, making a contribution to help you make that lovely new home of yours.
07:02How do you mean?
07:04Well, for example, take this weekend, for instance, like.
07:07I mean, you're going away.
07:09Now, wouldn't it be nice to come back and find a lot of those boring jobs done?
07:13Why, of course it would.
07:14Well, I could do them.
07:15I mean, for example, that's one of the things I was meaning, for instance, like, you see.
07:18I mean, I could do the fence, the rewiring, anything.
07:21No, no, no, no.
07:22I won't hear of payment, Bob.
07:24I won't hear of it.
07:25It's reward enough.
07:26So you go in, enjoy yourselves, and I'll pick up the keys in the morning.
07:30You won't?
07:30I'll pick up the keys to the house in the morning.
07:33Do you tame it for a clown?
07:36Pardon?
07:37Do you seriously think I'd fall for all that rubbish?
07:41I don't think I'd quite follow.
07:42I would just like to contribute to your lovely new house.
07:45It would give me a great deal of satisfaction.
07:48I bet it would, with a succession of rock packers and egg breakers.
07:52I have made you a sincere offer of help.
07:56Don't deny that you wanted my house for your own ends.
07:59To get your own ends away, in fact.
08:01Well, all right, but what does it matter?
08:03I might have my evil way, but I'll creosote your fence first.
08:06Look, I've got the neighbours to think about, and property values.
08:10Look, Bob, look, look.
08:12You'd have the fence done, the garden turned over,
08:14that new light fitting done in the living room,
08:16your new kitchen cupboards up.
08:18Well, there is a hell of a lot of things to do.
08:21I mean, there's a new can opener to go up in the kitchen,
08:24and a new dimmer in the bedroom.
08:26There's no trouble!
08:28Well, Thelma would never have to know.
08:30Well, she needn't keep it as a nice surprise for her when you get back.
08:33The cleaning lady doesn't come till Tuesday,
08:35and the Lawsons are away next door, so you couldn't upset them.
08:39If.
08:40Now, I'm just saying if.
08:41Now, if I agree, you've got to promise me that you'll leave the house immaculate,
08:46and you won't do anything that would, well, harm my standing in the community.
08:51I promise, Bob.
08:53All right, then.
08:55Right, I'll give you a key.
08:56I must be mad.
08:57But, um, listen, Terry, about your women.
09:01I mean, you will be on the Elm Lodge housing estate.
09:05Listen, I am sick to death of everybody talking about my women as if they were deckhands.
09:10They are nice, canny lasses I go out with.
09:13Lasses you'd be proud to take anywhere or meet anybody.
09:15I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
09:17I'm sure they're nice, sweet, enchanting, well-educated young ladies.
09:21Just don't take them up to my house in daylight.
09:27Morning, my little treasure.
09:34Oh!
09:35Oh, is it?
09:38Ah, hello, Terry.
09:40Oh, I caught you, didn't I?
09:42That's what you call Thelma is.
09:44It's your little treasure, is she?
09:47It's true what they say about you, milkman.
09:49You go around on your float, whirring your way into housewives' affections.
09:52Eh, well, it beats the sheet metal foundry.
09:54Oh, little treasure caught you, didn't I?
09:58Have I caught you?
09:58What are you doing here first thing in the morning?
10:01Carpentry, my son.
10:02Yeah, a new marriage wouldn't split you and Bob up.
10:04You're in the spur, are you?
10:06Or is she in the spur and you're in with Bob?
10:09The Ferris's are away skiing this weekend with the jet set and the Grampians.
10:13So it'll just be one pint for the next three mornings, thank you.
10:16Oh, you're staying here then, are you?
10:17Aye, getting a taste of estate living.
10:19Regent, I was woken this morning by the mass chokes of a thousand family saloons.
10:24Everything's the same on these estates, you know.
10:26Every family, every house.
10:28I know if I go down to the shops, I'll have to leave a trail,
10:30otherwise I won't be able to find my way back.
10:32Er, why are you staying here then?
10:35Ah, well, this might just turn out to be a little semi-detached sexual haze.
10:41I mean, my house might have more character,
10:42but it's also got a mother and father and very thin walls.
10:45Yeah, well, these walls aren't thick.
10:47Well, you know, I suppose.
10:48Oh, well, we have our moments.
10:50There's something secure about being a milkman.
10:52It's less pushed than a postman,
10:54a bit more reliable than a salesman,
10:56and certainly a lot cleaner than a coalman.
10:58What about that lad on the ice cream van?
11:00He plays a perky enough tune.
11:02Well, young Lionel, probably, yeah.
11:03And them fellas converting people to natural gas.
11:06They must be on their good thing,
11:07judging by the number of times they're always going back to put things right.
11:10There's more goes on on these estates than meets the eye.
11:13I'll tell you what,
11:13you want to get yourself down to the lawn direct tonight.
11:16Not tonight, Les, thank you very much.
11:19I'm getting steamed up in me own way.
11:20Oh, who's this with you, then?
11:22Never you mind.
11:24Just leave an extra pint in the morning.
11:29They seem a nice type of person here.
11:32The Mackenzies, they're nice, aren't they?
11:34Dan and Kathleen.
11:35They're still there, you know.
11:36The old magic's still there.
11:38They live quite near us, you know,
11:40the Maple Park estate.
11:41And there's not a thing there under 16,000,
11:44so he must be doing terribly well.
11:45See, the thing about being to Norway
11:47is that I'll be so much further ahead than most of them.
11:49I said he must be doing terribly well.
11:52Who?
11:53That nice Dan Mackenzie we met at dinner.
11:55He'll be no better than me.
11:56He's not been to Norway, has he?
11:58Look, I'm talking about his income, darling.
12:01What a lovely house they've got.
12:03Well, we've got a lovely house.
12:05Yes, well, we will have as soon as you get all those jobs done.
12:08They'll all be done by next weekend.
12:09So how? How can they be?
12:12How? Ah, yes.
12:13Well, it's just, I've just promised myself
12:16to knuckle down and get everything done.
12:18Oh, that'll be lovely.
12:20Oh.
12:21Now we can have people round.
12:24And have dinner parties.
12:26I miss it, you know.
12:27What?
12:28Our home.
12:29I mean, I love going away, but I love getting back.
12:33Oh, I'll go.
12:35Hello.
12:37Oh, hello, Mum.
12:38No, we're fine, fine.
12:41No, he hasn't hurt himself at all yet.
12:44No.
12:45What?
12:46The house.
12:48What's wrong?
12:49Mum went round to take some curtain material.
12:52What?
12:54Who?
12:56He was doing what?
12:57Who?
12:57With?
12:58Look, just a minute.
13:00Where are you going?
13:00Well, I just, um, I just thought I'd, um, I'd just, um, pop down to the, um, heated indoor
13:07pool, as it said in the brochure, and drown myself.
13:11Oh, to what do I owe this privilege?
13:18I've just been round to see a man, and she sent you a clean pair of pyjamas.
13:21She says you're not staying at somebody's house without clean pyjamas.
13:24You can have a cup of tea, if you like.
13:26Only there's no milk.
13:27He hasn't arrived yet.
13:29I don't know what he's up to.
13:30What were you up to last night?
13:32What?
13:32I know all about it.
13:34Oh!
13:35Good God, there's not much privacy on these estates, is there?
13:39Was it the same girl?
13:41Yes.
13:44Well, I was out to know that Thalmer's mother was going to come round with some new curtains.
13:49And she didn't knock, you know.
13:50She's got her own key.
13:52God preserve us.
13:53God preserve me.
13:55Well, look, Terry, you can't go around abusing people's houses.
13:59I wasn't abusing it.
14:00I'd worked hard all day.
14:01I'd finished them cupboards and creosote at half the bloody fence.
14:05People should knock.
14:06Well, Bob says it mustn't happen again.
14:08Oh, he's phoned you.
14:09I see I'm under surveillance now, am I?
14:10Well, hasn't he wrong you?
14:11No, at hourly intervals.
14:13Terry, it mustn't happen again.
14:15There's little chance of it happening again.
14:16Do you think that girl wants to see me again?
14:18She's a nervous wreck.
14:21She thinks it's a conspiracy.
14:23Every time she tries to grab a little happiness, people come barging in.
14:27I mean, even before Mrs. Chambers, there was a continual stream of interruptions.
14:32Somebody with a petition about the grass verges.
14:35Oh, well, they are a disgusting state.
14:37And a curate in bicycle clips rattling a tin for the wildlife fund.
14:42I nearly creosoted him.
14:45I think that would be the Reverend Pelling.
14:47Ginger hair?
14:48Probably.
14:48And two kids wanting to wash cars.
14:51Subscriptions for the Methodist Weekly.
14:52And the woman who came round and wanted to know if I had a front load in automatic.
14:57I wish I had.
14:58I'd have shot her.
14:59Listen, Terry, the sooner you get your own place, the better.
15:03It's a good thing I brought those clean pyjamas round with me.
15:06All the spectators you get.
15:07You need clean pyjamas.
15:09Anyway, I'm going.
15:10Who?
15:11Well, don't you want a cup of tea?
15:13I haven't got time for tea, Terry.
15:15You're not going, are you, pet?
15:16I ordered this specially for you.
15:17I kept it on ice.
15:18I beg your pardon.
15:20Oh, dear.
15:22See, she's not bad mature, but it's all her, isn't it?
15:26That's my sister, you fool.
15:27Really?
15:28Oh, sorry.
15:29Hey, where'd she live, then?
15:31Sycamore.
15:31Oh, that's Norman's turf.
15:34Hey, where's your little treasure, then?
15:36We're not talking about that.
15:37Oh, dear.
15:38Went sour, did it?
15:39Yeah, like your rotten milk.
15:42Yeah, well, it's all here, kid.
15:43I mean, if you're on the pool, you don't have to leave this estate.
15:45No, no, it's of no interest to me, Les.
15:47I've got to keep me nose clean.
15:49I've got to throw myself into me work.
15:51I'm under surveillance, aren't I?
15:53But with my sister and Thelma's mother,
15:55they're probably taking shifts in guard duty.
15:57They've probably got a telescope on me front door and me bed bugged.
16:01Well, more's the pity, because there's a lot of it about, you know.
16:05Just up the road, number 39.
16:07Ooh, ooh, ooh.
16:08What do you mean?
16:12You're on a promise there, Terry.
16:14Honest.
16:15Number 39.
16:18No, no, no.
16:19I don't think me system would take it.
16:21Not after the last two nights.
16:22For the rest of my life, I'm going to make love looking over me left shoulder.
16:25What do you like?
16:27A cup of tea.
16:28Uh, no, I won't.
16:29I'm a bit behind, Dan.
16:31There are other things in life, you know, Les, than nookie.
16:37Like carpentry or creosote.
16:40Oh, didn't I?
16:44Here's your razor.
16:45Oh, thanks, pet.
16:47If I don't check, you leave everything.
16:48You left that lovely leather sponge bag I bought you in Cyprus last year.
16:51And you nearly left that travelling clock in Norway.
16:54Do you know, it never works abroad.
16:56I don't think it travels well.
16:57Now, what are you wearing to go back in?
17:01Well, I'm just going back like this, aren't I?
17:03Ah, so everyone will know you've been skiing.
17:05Well, I have been skiing.
17:06Yes, yes, Bob.
17:07You're the pride of the nursery slopes.
17:10Also the veteran.
17:11Oh, what's that supposed to mean?
17:13It means we were the only people left on the nursery slopes.
17:16Everyone else went on to steeper things.
17:19I only stayed there to keep you company.
17:20Oh, I see I've held you back, have I?
17:22The Mackenzie's have been on the slalom.
17:24Yes, and who was it who limped into the dining room last night?
17:27And in the discotheque, who was sitting it out in agony?
17:30Which is more than you were doing.
17:32What's that supposed to mean?
17:34You've certainly been fluent on that dance floor.
17:36Especially with that morag.
17:38Who?
17:39You know very well that children's nurse from Peebles.
17:42Oh, yes, her. Well, yes.
17:45What's wrong, don't you like her?
17:46I don't dislike her.
17:48I just think she's a bit uninhibited for a children's nurse from Peebles.
17:52Well, I expect she's more restrained in the nursery.
17:55There seem to be a lot of girls here on their own.
17:58Really? I hadn't noticed.
18:00Well, at least they've always had someone to dance with in the evening.
18:03You've had more exercise on that dance floor than you've ever had skiing.
18:06Thelma, the reason I'm in such demand on the dance floor is I'm the only limp-free male in the hotel.
18:11Look at the dining room last night.
18:13It was like a casualty ward in there.
18:15The Lowry's from Sanderstead.
18:16Broken arm.
18:17What's-his-name with a moustache?
18:19Bruce tendons.
18:20Bruce, the honeymoon couple in the annex, groin strain.
18:23Of course, that might not be the skiing.
18:26Ho, ho, ho.
18:29You won't get groin strain.
18:31You've been asleep as soon as your head's hit the pillow.
18:35It's the fresh air, isn't it?
18:36And the dancing.
18:38Well, while I was dancing, you seemed to be perfectly content to sit there rabbiting to that Charles fella.
18:42Oh, I thought he was most amusing.
18:44You never laughed when I told you those jokes.
18:46No, well, it was the way he told them.
18:47Right, with his hand on your knee and his tongue in your ear.
18:51Well, you were hardly aloof with his Janet.
18:54I was only being sociable.
18:55What was that you wrote on her plaster last night?
18:58It was just a joke.
18:59Well, she was trying very hard to rub it off as they limped up to bed.
19:03Tell me, you haven't half been in a foul move this weekend.
19:07Well, who's fault's that?
19:08Who's made it impossible for me to relax this weekend?
19:11I know, darling, I know, but according to the latest bulletin, nothing untowards occurred since he, um, since he, um, and he's done the fence, he's done the fence, it's gleaming, the back fence is gleaming, and he hasn't been across the doors except to get a racing paper, and there's been no female visitors except for that big woman from the Jehovah's Witnesses, and even Terry wouldn't leap on her.
19:35Who knows what he's done under cover of darkness?
19:38That girl from the sweet factory.
19:40Well, all right, when we get home, we'll search the bed for toffee papers.
19:49Oh, God, now what?
19:51The door's open, can you let yourself through?
19:54I suppose they want to know what washing powder I use.
19:58Mr. Ferris?
19:59And he's not here, what is it?
20:01I'm sorry to disturb you, but I saw you up your ladder through the window.
20:04The thing is, I need a man.
20:06Pardon?
20:06Well, the only other one around is our Jeff cop next door, and he's not very, well, you know, after his illness.
20:14Oh, isn't he?
20:15Well, look, what exactly?
20:17Well, my bathroom tap has stuck.
20:19I can't turn it on.
20:20It's happened before.
20:21I need a really strong arm.
20:22Well, look, I'm very sorry, but I'm tied up, as you can see.
20:26Well, it wouldn't take long.
20:27Look, I've got to get this finished.
20:28They're coming back today, and I've got all the floorboards up in the bedroom.
20:32I would be ever so grateful.
20:33Well, can't you see?
20:34Look, look, perhaps later, where do you live?
20:37Well, just up the road, number 39.
20:40I'll get me rich.
20:40Hey!
21:02Oh, my God.
21:32Oh, the light looks lovely.
21:35Listen, Terry's finished the cupboard, he's put a plug on the mixer, and the wall can open it over.
21:41Isn't the light lovely?
21:42Oh, it's super.
21:44Doesn't it go well?
21:45I'm amazed.
21:46You see, all that unnecessary worry about Terry and what he'd be getting up to.
21:51I wonder where he is.
21:52Look, Pet, you take the cases up now. Go and put the kettle on, hmm?
21:54Right. He can't be far away. His jacket's there.
21:57You know, I must admit, I owe an apology to Terry and to you, Pet.
22:03I take back all I said. He's been a true friend.
22:07Oh, the house looks lovely. Everything's been done, and there's not a thing out of place.
22:12Oh!
22:13Right. It's all fixed. You can have your bath now.
22:19Oh, bless you. Say, when?
22:21Oh, when, when?
22:23It's all very well, you're women's lib, but for some things, you really do need a man about the house.
22:28Yes. Well, cheers.
22:30That's a nice cocktail cabinet.
22:34Hmm. Arnold made it. My husband. It's his hobby. Woodwork. That and model aircraft.
22:42Oh, that's very interesting.
22:43Oh, do you think so?
22:45I find it rather immature for a grown man to spend all his spare time making model aeroplanes,
22:51and the house stinks of balsa wood and glue.
22:53Still, it, er, it is nice to have a hobby.
22:56Hmm. It's more than that with him. It's an obsession.
22:58He hasn't spoken to me for a fortnight since I stood on his flying fortress.
23:05What does he do, um, for a living like?
23:07Well, he's a rep in pet foods.
23:09Well, I suppose there are worse jobs.
23:12Oh, so then he, er, he travels about a bit, does he?
23:16Oh, yes. He's got a very big area.
23:21Sometimes he's away for days on end.
23:25Oh?
23:26They're back tonight, though.
23:28Oh.
23:30But not till eight.
23:33Oh?
23:36Listen, don't let me hold you up.
23:39There's no mad rush.
23:40Don't let me keep you from your floorboards.
23:43They'll still be there when I get back.
23:44Are you like my husband, always doing little jobs around the house?
23:50No, no, no, no, no. Carpentry with me is an interest, not an obsession.
23:53What are your obsessions?
23:56Oh, same as your average healthy male, I suppose.
24:00Sex and football.
24:01In what order?
24:03Depends what day of the week it is.
24:04You mean, Saturday, it'd be football?
24:10Obviously.
24:11Of course, er, today's Tuesday.
24:15Are there any midweek fixtures?
24:18Nothing's definitely arranged.
24:20I bet you're Sagittarius.
24:24And what?
24:25Your sign, Sagittarius.
24:27You're very direct, you are, aren't you?
24:29Yes, yes, I'm very direct.
24:30But, er, as a matter of fact, I'm Piskies.
24:33I would have never thought that.
24:38No, they do say Piskies people just drift along on the thermal currents of life.
24:44What does that mean?
24:45Well, you just drift around and take whatever comes along.
24:50That sounds like me.
24:52I mean, I am free and unattached.
24:54And you don't smell of balsa wood.
25:00The name's Terry.
25:01Landra.
25:02Nice to meet you, Sandra.
25:07Oh, my God.
25:08Oh, what, lovey, what?
25:10I forgot to turn the tap off.
25:11Oh, my God.
25:32Welcome home.
25:52I'll warn you.
25:56I'll warn you.
25:58We did not do this skiing.
26:01We did not do this skiing.
26:03We did not do this skiing.
26:09Oh, you're back.
26:17Terry said you went skiing.
26:21I did not do this skiing.
26:23Can we please resume the two pints and the strawberry yoghurt?
26:26Oh, right.
26:28Did you order Methodist Weekly?
26:31Do you want grapefruit juice or orange juice?
26:33Pardon, darling?
26:34Grapefruit or orange?
26:35Oh, um...
26:37Oh, come on, Thelma.
26:39Give us a smile.
26:40Don't be upset.
26:41Why should I be upset?
26:43You've got strained ligaments, I've got concussion,
26:45and there's a gaping hole in the bloody ceiling.
26:48I know, darling, I know.
26:49I know.
26:50I know that.
26:51I know.
26:51But his intentions were good.
26:53I mean, look at the wall can opener and the new cupboard.
26:56I daren't open the cupboard.
26:58And he's turned the garden over and he's done the fence.
27:00The fence looks lovely.
27:01You said that yourself.
27:01You said all that yourself before...
27:04Before...
27:05A grapefruit, please.
27:07I just don't want you to exaggerate the problems.
27:11Someday we'll laugh about this.
27:15The plasterers will be here within the hour.
27:17They'll soon have that hole fixed.
27:19By this evening, we won't know anything happened.
27:27Don't you want your juice?
27:29No, no, I'm not really thirsty.
27:32Oh, er, it's only me.
27:33Um, can I, um...
27:35Oh, er, come in, come in.
27:37Um, can he come in, Thelma?
27:38If he must.
27:39Uh, I just came round to say I was sorry, like, and hoped you were both all right.
27:45Oh, we're fine.
27:46Apparently someday we're going to laugh about this.
27:48Does he want tea?
27:49Do you want tea?
27:50Oh, well, er...
27:52Or would he rather have some fruit juice?
27:53No, he wouldn't.
27:54Wouldn't I?
27:55No.
27:55No, no, I wouldn't.
27:56Um, just a cup of tea, please.
27:58Uh, just a cup of tea, please.
28:01Well, apart from everything else, did you have a nice weekend?
28:04You both look well.
28:06Apart from the...
28:07And the, um...
28:09Oh, that will be the plasterers.
28:15Look, Thelma, I...
28:16I'm very sorry.
28:18I...
28:18I got all the jobs done, everything you wanted.
28:21It was...
28:22Well, it was just unfortunate that I was out when you came back.
28:25I only popped across the road to...
28:27To, um...
28:28Oh, yeah!
28:29Oh!
28:30Now what?
28:33I've just been punched in the face!
28:35Who by?
28:37Arnold Upton from Number 39.
28:39He said he'd come to pay me back for the ceiling.
28:42What?
28:42Oh!
28:47Ooh, what happened to you?
28:51Whatever happened to me?
28:53What became of the people we used to be?
29:02Ooh, what happened to you?
29:05Whatever happened to me?
29:09What became of the people we used to be?
29:15Ooh, what happened to you?
29:20Whatever happened to me?
29:22Ooh, what became of the people we used to be?
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