- 3 months ago
First broadcast 20th March 1973.
Preparations for Bob and Thelma's wedding are in full swing, largely down to Thelma's mother, who is organizing everything.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Bill Owen - George Chambers
Joan Hickson - Mrs. Chambers
Robin Parkinson - Shop Assistant
Anita Carey - Susan Chambers
Pamela Conway - Gloria - Barmaid (as Lorna Wilde)
Preparations for Bob and Thelma's wedding are in full swing, largely down to Thelma's mother, who is organizing everything.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Bill Owen - George Chambers
Joan Hickson - Mrs. Chambers
Robin Parkinson - Shop Assistant
Anita Carey - Susan Chambers
Pamela Conway - Gloria - Barmaid (as Lorna Wilde)
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me, and what became of the people we used
00:14to be?
00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast, it's the only thing to look forward
00:26to the past.
00:35Well, quite frankly, I don't think the church is going to be big enough, we've had so many
00:38yeses.
00:39I mean, we've invited 150, well, you've got to, haven't you?
00:42But we're banked on several not being able to come.
00:44I was hoping there was some in particular would say no, especially all that clan of your
00:48fathers from Stoke-on-Trent.
00:51The Lawsons are coming all the way from Exeter.
00:53Oh, I don't mind the Lawson, she's a nice little body.
00:56And he's no trouble at all since his asthma cleared up with that lot from Stoke.
01:00Are those your cousins that won the pools?
01:03Money doesn't buy breeding, Bob.
01:05They don't know how to live in a decent house.
01:07The moment they moved into theirs, the first thing they did was to rip up all the lavatory
01:10sheets and use them for picture frames.
01:16Yes, well, I don't know who we're going to seek them next to.
01:19Oh, no, of course, no.
01:22He'll be sitting at the top table, won't he?
01:23Best man.
01:24Taking care of the bridesmaid.
01:26You will take care of me, won't you, Terry?
01:28Certainly.
01:30I think we should have had a bigger church.
01:32We should have used St Andrews.
01:34Certainly not.
01:35Your father's lot might be Presbyterian, but no daughter of mine's being married in any
01:39church other than C of A.
01:40Well, I don't see what difference it makes.
01:42I mean, there are many roads to God.
01:46There may be many roads to God, Robert, but I've always considered the Church of England
01:49to be the M1, so to speak.
01:53Well, if that was the case, pedestrians, learners and people in married carriages would never
01:57get to heaven.
01:59Has he been ruled?
02:00Oh, come on, Mum.
02:02It was quite witty.
02:03Some fell on stony ground.
02:05Well, I hope his best man's speech is going to be funnier than that.
02:08I'm not making a speech.
02:10What does he mean?
02:11Of course he is.
02:11It's expected.
02:13However badly he does it.
02:15You have to make a speech, kid.
02:17You have to toast the bridesmaids and read out the telegrams.
02:20Well, I don't mind doing that, but I'm not making a speech.
02:22But you must, Terry.
02:23It's expected.
02:24Sorry?
02:25The best man always makes a speech.
02:27You've got to.
02:28There's no way that I can be made to make a speech.
02:31Oh, but you'll make such a good one.
02:34Pardon?
02:35It'll be the highlight of the day.
02:38Will it?
02:39And it is expected.
02:41And you are responding on my behalf.
02:44Am I?
02:44Well, perhaps just this once.
02:49We're only going to get married this once, hopefully.
02:52I'll say, I'm not going through all this again.
02:54All this what, Robert?
02:56All this fuss.
02:58This fuss, as you term, it is for your benefit.
03:03The bride's parents assume authority for all this fuss
03:05and the not inconsiderable expense involved.
03:09I want this day to be the most joyful,
03:12the happiest that my daughter's ever had.
03:14And if it isn't, someone's going to suffer for it.
03:16Well, how come this happy and joyful day
03:20is making everybody so bad-tempered and miserable?
03:22I'm not bad-tempered and miserable.
03:24Yes, you are.
03:24You've been bad-tempered all week.
03:26I have not.
03:27I have not, dearest.
03:30I'm perfectly happy to go along with anything
03:32that you and your mother demand.
03:34Suggest.
03:36Oh, there's so much to be done.
03:38I just don't know how I'm going to get through it all.
03:40The dressmaker's due in ten minutes
03:41and the caterer's at twelve.
03:43Oh, we've got to go down to the hair shop
03:45to see about those Pages outfits.
03:47Pages?
03:47Yes, Thelma's little nephews, Dean and Kirk.
03:51They're going to be Royal Stuart Tartan with silk ruffles.
03:54Isn't that a bit Presbyterian?
03:57Is he being rude?
03:58Well, actually, Mum,
04:00I am a bit worried about those two.
04:02Young Dean's such a, well...
04:05Evil?
04:06Yes, he's an evil child.
04:08Well, I blame her.
04:10She just lets him run riot.
04:11Well, I don't want him running riot at my wedding.
04:13Well, according to this,
04:14that's Terry's responsibility, anyway.
04:17Hang on a minute, listen.
04:18Says he, in case of any disturbance,
04:20the best man will do what he can
04:21to pour oil on troubled waters,
04:23pacifying the parties concerned
04:25with persuasive and polite tact.
04:28What does all that mean?
04:30It means if young Dean gives you any stick,
04:32you kick him up the kilt.
04:35Really, Robert,
04:35I don't know where you'll get these coarse expressions from.
04:39Oh, yes, I do.
04:40Well, you dressmakers early.
04:44Oh, now, come on, girls.
04:46Good gracious.
04:47Get rid of that coffee.
04:48Oh, all right.
04:49There's so much to do.
04:51And you boys,
04:52you can't sit round here all the morning daydreaming.
04:54Far too much to get through.
04:55Look, you've got to pick up your suits this morning, haven't you?
04:58Yes, yes.
04:59And speak to the taxi people.
05:00I know, I know.
05:01It's all in hand.
05:02And don't forget the flowers for the church.
05:04Now, come on, tell me,
05:05what is it you've got to do?
05:05Now, come on.
05:06Church flowers, bridesmaids, bouquets,
05:07brides bouquets, buttonholes.
05:09That's right.
05:10Oh, and you've got to ring the vicar
05:11and check the cost of the choir,
05:13the bell ringers,
05:14and the use of his organ.
05:17No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:20Now, Steve, do you have to take all this?
05:22Yes, sir, no, sir,
05:23three backs, full, sir.
05:25Who do you have any say?
05:26What can you do, man?
05:28Well, you're going to put your foot down.
05:29You're going to draw the line somewhere,
05:30be firm with them.
05:32Oh, yes, like you were with Susan.
05:34I'm not making a best man's speech.
05:36Well, that was different.
05:37I didn't want to offend her.
05:38Well, I don't want to offend Thelma.
05:40You can afford to offend Thelma.
05:42She's going to be your wife.
05:45Look, man, it's their big day.
05:46You know what women feel about weddings?
05:49Aye, I know, I know.
05:50But it's getting a bit heavy, though, isn't it, eh?
05:52I'm surprised the service isn't in Durham Cathedral
05:54with the Dugganham Girl Pipers.
05:56It's the wonder they haven't cancelled world of sport
05:59and are televised in your marriage instead.
06:02According to that booklet,
06:03the best man is supposed to sustain me this week
06:05with comfort and advice.
06:07Yeah, well, here's my advice, mate.
06:08Call the old thing off.
06:10It's too late for that.
06:11We had to pay the caterers in advance.
06:14What are my functions, then?
06:15Let's have a look.
06:16Oh, dear.
06:19Get you to the church on time.
06:22Stand by your side during the ceremony.
06:25Settle the account in the vestry.
06:27Only if the bridegroom has forgotten so to do.
06:30But you have to tip the verger.
06:31The verger?
06:33Does he get tipped every wedding?
06:35Oh, he must be cracking it there.
06:37With christenings and funerals,
06:39he must take home more than the archbishop.
06:41Look, I just wish you'd take your duty seriously this week.
06:44According to that booklet,
06:46the best man is the hub
06:47around which a well-run wedding revolves.
06:50It says there I should choose someone
06:51who is at the same time gay and reliable.
06:54I won't let you down, sailor.
06:59I wonder.
07:00Look, I know you've just come out of the army,
07:01but I hope you're going to leave
07:02your barrack-run vulgarity out of that service.
07:05It's supposed to be a house of God,
07:06not a parade ground.
07:08Friends of the bride,
07:09one step forward.
07:10Wait for it, wait for it.
07:12Kneel, two, three.
07:13Right, two, three.
07:15The ushers are in charge of the congregation.
07:18Who are the ushers?
07:19Well, there's a cousin of Thelma's
07:20that you don't know,
07:21Podge Rowley and John Gibson.
07:24Not Big John.
07:26Aye, well, he is a distant relative.
07:28Well, I hope he's up the bottle.
07:30I don't want him drunk in charge of a pew.
07:33I'm told he just sticks to beer these days.
07:36Yeah, well, I'd better hang on to this then.
07:38Swat it up.
07:40What's this one here?
07:40Oh, that's something Thelma's mother gave us.
07:44It's the medical council thingy.
07:47All right.
07:48Good, good.
07:49Where's all the dirty bits then, eh?
07:51Here we are.
07:53And so to bed.
07:54And the great adventure of sleeping together
07:56for the rest of your lives.
07:58My God, what a boring thought.
08:01What else?
08:02Will I make a good lover?
08:04Will I satisfy her?
08:06Will it hurt?
08:07Well, it will if she keeps them boots of hers on.
08:12What will she think of my body?
08:14Does she know about your knees?
08:17Look, there's nothing I need to know from that chapter,
08:19thank you very much.
08:21It's useful for the other things like,
08:23well, like useful shopping and storage units
08:26and household ints, all that kind of thing.
08:29I can see that.
08:30They've got a funny sense of priorities,
08:32these family planners, haven't they, eh?
08:34There's three pages on sexual problems,
08:37an old chapter on floor coverings.
08:38Well, as I say,
08:41there is nothing I need to know from that chapter.
08:44It also says here,
08:46try and make sure
08:47that the bedroom will be nice and warm
08:49and that the bed doesn't creak.
08:52It also says,
08:53but there is nothing wrong
08:54with a sitting-room sofa
08:55for a change of scene.
08:57It doesn't say.
08:58Certainly, certainly.
08:59Oh, my darling.
09:00Get off.
09:00Oh, my darling, just relax.
09:02Sit back.
09:02No, no, the washing up can wait.
09:04Just lie back,
09:05close your eyes
09:06and think of England.
09:07Terry Williams, get off, yes, sir, you mean.
09:09Get off, yes.
09:10Is he being rude?
09:30The child's of the wrong size.
09:32Aye, mine and all.
09:34Suspicious, that.
09:35How do you mean suspicious?
09:38Well, he's taking such a long time
09:39over the trousers.
09:41He's all right.
09:41He's just taking care.
09:43So should we, mate.
09:46I didn't like the way
09:47you lingered over
09:47my inside leg measurements.
09:51You're so thin,
09:52he was probably wondering
09:53if you had a leg in there.
09:55Better look this time,
09:56I should think.
09:57Now, sir, let's have a look.
09:58I can manage, thank you.
09:59I can manage.
10:01Your friend seems a little ill at ease.
10:03Well, just nerves, I expect.
10:05Oh, I see.
10:06Well, you're bound to, really, aren't you?
10:07You know, before the big day.
10:12How do those seem...
10:13They're fine, they're fine.
10:16Not too tight around these...
10:17Certainly not.
10:19Well, if you're sure.
10:20When's the big event?
10:21The what?
10:22Your wedding.
10:23Oh, that.
10:24This Saturday.
10:25Oh, hope it keeps fine for you.
10:27Why?
10:29Oh, well, I thought, you know,
10:30I mean, surely a little sunshine
10:31must help.
10:33Wait in case you get your suits wet,
10:34are you?
10:35Of course not, sir, no,
10:36but on such an occasion,
10:37I'm sure the ladies want fine weather.
10:39Well, I don't see what difference
10:40the weather's going to make.
10:41I mean, you've made your mind up,
10:42haven't you?
10:42You're not going to have second thoughts
10:44just because of the cold front
10:45coming in from the Azores.
10:46Put it that way, yes,
10:47I suppose you're right, sir.
10:48In fact, I was married in a blizzard.
10:55Are you married, are you?
10:56Twelve years.
10:57Three children.
10:59Well, as a matter of fact,
11:00these trousers are a bit loose,
11:01aren't you?
11:03Oh, yes.
11:04Yes, I see.
11:06Yes.
11:07These are all right.
11:09Oh, good, sir.
11:10Yes, I'm afraid we have
11:11a waist problem here.
11:12I don't think I've got
11:12a smaller fitting.
11:14Yes, well, he is a bit
11:15on the narrow side.
11:16In shape, though, but...
11:18he's so thin
11:19that when his mother
11:20made his bed this morning
11:21she didn't notice
11:22he was still inside it.
11:27Should we get on?
11:29I'll have another check, sir.
11:31Let's see your hat on.
11:33Oh, God, no, will you?
11:35Well, it's all right.
11:36You don't have to wear it.
11:37You just carry it like this
11:38with your prayer book
11:39and your gloves inside.
11:40Do you?
11:41Have you got gloves?
11:42Well, I've got a pair
11:42of woolen mittens at home
11:43but both your thumbs stick out.
11:45I mean proper ones,
11:46thin grey ones from here.
11:47Oh, what a bloody farce.
11:50I'm going to look like
11:51an MC at the old-time music hall.
11:54And you've got to have
11:54a carnation in your buttonhole.
11:56That's another one
11:56of your functions.
11:57Have you got carnations?
11:58Thin grey gloves,
11:59top hats, carnations.
12:01I'll never be able
12:01to hold my head up
12:02in the black horse again.
12:04Well, it's nice
12:05to do things properly.
12:06St Mark's doesn't get
12:06many tail suits.
12:08It's mostly ill-fitting
12:09blue serbs there
12:10with brown boots
12:11and sprigs of heather.
12:12Ours will add a touch of class.
12:14Bring a bit of Belgravia
12:15to Station Road.
12:16Station Road doesn't need
12:18a bit of Belgravia.
12:19Station Road, mate,
12:21is perfectly happy
12:22with honest-to-goodness,
12:24no-nonsense,
12:24salt-of-the-earth surge.
12:26All this is just
12:27another concession
12:27to your middle-class
12:28mother-in-law.
12:29No, it isn't.
12:30It was my suggestion.
12:31Never in the world.
12:33It was hers.
12:33And it wasn't a suggestion,
12:34either.
12:35It was a royal command.
12:36They're all the same,
12:37that lot, middle classes.
12:39Especially those
12:40that have just been promoted
12:41from the lower divisions.
12:42You know what you are,
12:43don't you?
12:43So I'll tell you
12:43what you are.
12:44You're an inverted snob.
12:45That's what you are.
12:46We're just hiring
12:46a suit of clothes.
12:48Clothes that are suitable
12:48for an occasion.
12:50We'll only have them on
12:51for five hours.
12:52You see, that's a betrayal
12:53of your entire class.
12:54Well, that's exactly
12:55what it is.
12:55A betrayal of everything
12:57I stand for.
12:58We're only trying
12:58on tail coats, mate.
13:00We're not taking
13:00elocution lessons.
13:02We're not having to learn
13:03to do the Lancers.
13:04We haven't got a marquee
13:05and a thousand guests
13:06dancing to Edmundo
13:07in his society serenaders.
13:09You're all still trying
13:10to be something
13:11that you're not,
13:11though, aren't you?
13:12You're chucking away
13:13good money just for the sake
13:14of your social aspirations.
13:16There's a million
13:17unemployed in this country.
13:18Have you thought of that?
13:19One million unemployed.
13:20Eight percent in this area,
13:22including me.
13:24I'm paying for the suits.
13:25That's not the point,
13:26though, Bob, is it?
13:27It's a matter of principle.
13:29Principle of what
13:30we're fighting for.
13:31Equality.
13:32A decent wage
13:33for a well job,
13:34well done.
13:34A fair crack of the whip,
13:36a fair slice of the cake.
13:37Just a chance
13:38to hold your head up high
13:39and bring your kids
13:40up decent.
13:42You take away
13:43a man's work
13:43and you take away
13:44his pride.
13:47You were watching
13:48Panorama last night,
13:49weren't you?
13:52Pardon?
13:53Weren't you?
13:54Oh, so what?
13:55I never miss it.
13:57I am interested,
13:58interested, mate,
14:00in the issues of today,
14:02social injustices.
14:03I am interested
14:04in industrial rationalisation
14:05and the redeployment
14:07of labour.
14:08Quote, quote,
14:09never miss Panorama.
14:10You only saw it last night
14:11because on the other side
14:12it was I was a teenage
14:13werewolf and you've seen
14:14that five times.
14:16What would you know?
14:17Eh?
14:18Eh?
14:19How could you possibly
14:20understand now you're
14:21marrying into the Tory party?
14:22Everybody knows you've got
14:23your name down
14:24for the squash club.
14:25Oh, so now you've got
14:26a social conscience,
14:28the thoughts of
14:28Chairman Collier.
14:30Eh?
14:30And after all those years
14:32of being a dyed-in-the-wool
14:33uncompromising don't know.
14:35What do you mean?
14:37I have always been
14:38solid labour.
14:40Never in the world.
14:41You've always been
14:41a don't know.
14:42And your family.
14:43Your family's never known
14:44for generations.
14:46Years ago they probably
14:46had to toss a coin
14:47to decide between
14:48the roundheads
14:49and the cavaliers.
14:50Listen...
14:50I'll find anything
14:51smaller, sir.
14:51Sir, we'll have to put
14:52that tuck in those.
14:53Your gloves, sir.
14:54Well, the hat's too big.
14:55Oh, one does not
14:56wear the hat, sir.
14:56You just carry it
14:57like that, you see?
14:58With your gloves
14:59and prayer book inside.
15:01There.
15:01I think the bride
15:02will be very proud of you.
15:04No, she won't.
15:04She can't stand
15:05the sight of me.
15:06Oh.
15:07Oh, well, perhaps
15:08she'll grow to love you.
15:13Strange thing to say.
15:15He was married
15:16in a blizzard.
15:19Oh, I see.
15:22Well, I'd better
15:22go and settle up.
15:23Do you feel as daft
15:36as I do?
15:37I don't feel very
15:38comfortable.
15:40A load of cobblers.
15:41Yeah, well,
15:42the women like it.
15:43Yeah.
15:44Some women more
15:44than others.
15:46You're the groom?
15:46Oh, thank God.
15:48Best man.
15:49It's the groom's in-laws
15:49responsible for all
15:51this rubbish, though.
15:52You know the type.
15:53Yeah.
15:53Jumped up from nothing
15:54to a posh Sammy
15:55with a monkey tree.
15:57She sees herself
15:57as the Jackie and Assess
15:59of the Tudor estate set.
16:00Terry, have you got a pen, kid?
16:02Hello, George.
16:02How are you?
16:03You're looking smart.
16:04Terry, I don't think
16:05you know Thelma's dad,
16:06Mr. Chambers.
16:09Well, you see,
16:10I'm very comfortable.
16:12You know, I'm a builder.
16:14I did very well
16:15in the post-war boom.
16:16I managed to survive
16:17that bad patch
16:18and I'm doing all right now.
16:21But I was a brickie
16:22before that
16:22and I'm still a brickie
16:23at heart.
16:25It's Thelma's mother
16:26what's got all
16:26these fancy ideas.
16:28It's luncheon
16:29he's served
16:30in our house.
16:31Even if I only want
16:32a couple of cracker biscuits
16:33and a pickle onion.
16:34Dear me.
16:34We only take the telegraph
16:36just to impress
16:37the newsagent's wife.
16:38All ears and grazes.
16:42It's daft.
16:44But it's harmless enough.
16:46Mostly.
16:47I didn't mean any offence.
16:50Oh, no offence taken, lad.
16:51It's just that I was
16:52a bit upset
16:53at having to get
16:54all tarted up.
16:55Me too.
16:56I'll never be able
16:57to hold my head
16:57up in here again.
16:58I said that.
16:59I know, I heard you
17:00through the curtain.
17:03Well, it's just a uniform.
17:04It's just a suit
17:06for an occasion.
17:07That's all.
17:07It's like if you go
17:08riding, you wear jodhpurs.
17:09If you play cricket,
17:10you put flannels on.
17:12If you go shooting,
17:13you wear a Norfolk jacket.
17:15In Norfolk, anyway.
17:18Yeah, well, you try
17:19explaining that
17:20to my cousins
17:21from Stoke.
17:22All I know is
17:23I'm going to have
17:23to make a detour
17:24of that church on Saturday.
17:25I'm going to get my taxi
17:26to go right round
17:27by the bypass.
17:28What on earth for?
17:29I'm not running
17:30the gauntlet
17:30of the High Street.
17:32Do you think
17:32I can pass the ship,
17:33the cross keys,
17:34the fat ox,
17:34the institute
17:35and the temperance billiard
17:36all without somebody
17:37spotting me?
17:39I'm going to get
17:40some stick
17:41from my father.
17:42I tell you,
17:42if he turns up,
17:43that is.
17:44There's no love
17:44lost between him
17:45and the missus.
17:46Oh, aye.
17:47Well, if there's any aggro,
17:48you know,
17:48it's my duty
17:48as best man
17:49to pour oil
17:50on troubled waters.
17:51You might have to
17:51if he gets going
17:52on the hard stuff.
17:53Oh, aye.
17:55Might not be
17:55such a bad wedding
17:56after all.
17:58He's a caddy old soul.
17:59He's my old man.
18:00Ex-pitman, you know.
18:02Chew shag tobacco.
18:03Never takes his hat
18:04off at table.
18:05My grandad
18:06was a pitman.
18:06He was on the
18:07Jarrah March and all.
18:08And me Uncle Wilf.
18:09They dropped out
18:10at Durham, though.
18:12He was never
18:13a well man.
18:14He was never
18:14a sober man.
18:16Him and Wilf
18:17were only on that march
18:18till the pubs opened.
18:19Poor old Uncle Wilf.
18:21He's still
18:22in that dough queue today.
18:23Your Uncle Wilf
18:24has spent his life
18:25avoiding work.
18:26He lives here
18:26because of the
18:27high unemployment.
18:28He's the only man
18:29I know the Labour
18:30Exchange have ever
18:31given a clock
18:31and a long service
18:32medal.
18:34All I know is...
18:36Yeah, it's true.
18:39All I know is
18:41that if my grandad
18:42caught me poncing
18:43about and all this
18:44ascot get-up,
18:45he'd turn in his grave.
18:47He was cremated.
18:50All right, then.
18:50He'd turn in his urn.
18:51Gloria.
18:55Hi.
18:55Let's have some more
18:56whiskies here,
18:57doubles.
18:57Oh, no, Mr. Chambers,
18:58come on now.
18:59Put it away, lad.
18:59Put it away.
19:01God stop me
19:02what this wedding's
19:02costing me.
19:03A few whiskies
19:04won't make much
19:05difference.
19:06It's not that I begrudge
19:07Bob here and Thelma
19:08the cost.
19:09It's just that I
19:10would have preferred
19:10to spend the money
19:11on something for them.
19:12You know,
19:13something for their
19:13house, like a...
19:14Well, like a...
19:16story dunes.
19:18Ah, something like that.
19:20I think young couples
19:21need all the help
19:22they can get.
19:23Aye, well, in a
19:24week's time it'll
19:24all be over, won't it?
19:26Live and let live,
19:26that's my attitude.
19:28A week's time it'll
19:29all be over,
19:29the champagne,
19:30Buffy and the
19:30confetti and the
19:31speeches and everything.
19:33And we can just
19:33get on with being
19:34married people.
19:36Sharing the great
19:36adventure of sleeping
19:37together for the
19:38rest of your life.
19:40Huh?
19:40Oh, I was just,
19:42I was just quoting
19:43from the book,
19:44the official one,
19:45medical than that.
19:47Is that what he
19:48says?
19:48Aye.
19:50I think I must
19:50have lost my
19:51spirit of adventure.
19:54Here are, lads.
19:56Doubles.
19:56Of course,
19:57quite frankly,
19:59I mean,
20:00frankly speaking,
20:02I don't think that
20:03young people should
20:04get married these
20:05days.
20:05I'm speaking quite
20:06frankly, you
20:07understand, Mr.
20:08Chinas.
20:08You see,
20:09I've been through
20:10it.
20:10I've been through
20:11it all.
20:12My marriage
20:13failed.
20:13No, no, no,
20:14no, I'm not
20:14saying it was all
20:15her fault.
20:16I mean,
20:16these things
20:16happen.
20:17But I wouldn't
20:18like the same
20:18thing to happen
20:19to Bob and
20:20your lovely
20:21daughter,
20:21Thelma.
20:24Yeah, well,
20:25you never know
20:25about these
20:26things, do you?
20:27I think the
20:27answer is living
20:28together, quite
20:29frankly.
20:30That's what people
20:30should do.
20:31They should just
20:31live together.
20:32I mean, that's
20:32what happens now.
20:33Well, it certainly
20:34is according to
20:35my Sunday paper.
20:36Seems to be the
20:37thing nowadays.
20:38You see,
20:39marriage is an
20:40outdated institution.
20:42Did you get that
20:44from Panorama
20:44and all?
20:46You can't live
20:47together, not up
20:48here.
20:49It's all right in
20:50London or Paris or
20:51Sunderland.
20:53But you can't live
20:54together on the
20:54Elm Lodge housing
20:55estate.
20:55Why not?
20:57Because you can't,
20:58that's all.
20:59They've got things
20:59like rotary
21:00committees and
21:00residence clubs,
21:01and they wouldn't
21:02call it living
21:02together.
21:03They'd call it
21:04living in sin or
21:05cohabiting.
21:06And they wouldn't
21:07speak to you or
21:07invite you to their
21:08Guy Fawkes parties.
21:09Well, that's just
21:11it, isn't it?
21:11That's my whole point.
21:12It's just another of
21:13your middle-class
21:13hang-ups.
21:14Why should you care
21:15what people think?
21:16Because on a housing
21:17estate, you live on
21:18top of other people,
21:19that's all.
21:19And however sick you
21:20get to their
21:20mindless chatter and
21:21Jimmy Young blaring
21:22out of every kitchen
21:23window, you're a
21:24part of it.
21:25And it's easier to
21:26join them than to
21:27lick them.
21:28You never get to
21:28mortgage living
21:29together.
21:30What a provincial
21:32attitude.
21:32Well, I am
21:33provincial.
21:33I live in the
21:34provinces.
21:34That probably explains
21:35my provincial attitude.
21:37What sort of
21:37attitude would you
21:38like me to adopt?
21:39An Albanian attitude
21:40or a Peruvian one?
21:42Or if you like,
21:43have a Zulu
21:44attitude and have
21:44five wives and live
21:45in a mud hut on
21:46the municipal
21:47Bowling Green.
21:49They'd never stand
21:50for that.
21:53I mean, what about
21:54that poor woman on
21:54Sycamore Avenue
21:55living with that
21:56Indian?
21:58Oscarcised at the
21:58Co-op.
21:59It's just your
22:01small-town mentality,
22:03mate.
22:03That's all it is.
22:04I've never seen you
22:05as a freewheeling
22:06non-conformist.
22:07What are you going
22:08to do now,
22:08you're back, Terry?
22:09Live in a loft
22:09with a woman's lip
22:10folk singer?
22:11You want to get
22:12something behind you
22:13maybe before you
22:13start criticising
22:14other people?
22:15I've had five years
22:16taken out of my life,
22:17haven't I,
22:17thanks to somebody
22:18not a million miles
22:19away.
22:20I'm top of the
22:21handicap now,
22:21aren't I?
22:22Everybody else has
22:23had a five-year
22:23start on me.
22:24All I've got to
22:25show for is a
22:26broken marriage,
22:26a gummy leg and a
22:27tattoo on me left
22:28buttock.
22:29We're back to
22:31that.
22:31Steady, steady, steady.
22:33Come on, come on.
22:35God, stop me.
22:37This wedding's
22:38caused enough
22:38rows, what with
22:39me and the missus,
22:40me and my relatives,
22:41now you two.
22:43I should have
22:43bought you a ladder,
22:44Bob, then you
22:44could have both
22:45deloped.
22:46Could have saved
22:47all this time and
22:47money.
22:49You don't fancy
22:50that, do you?
22:52I mean, there's a
22:53nice ladder in the
22:53builder's yard that
22:54had just about
22:54reached Alma's window.
22:55It's too late for
22:56that now.
22:57The invitations
22:57have already gone out
22:58and you had to
22:59pay for the caterers
23:00in advance.
23:01Oh, well, it was
23:01just a thought.
23:03I mean, it's not
23:04economics that
23:05worry me, it's all
23:06this fuss and
23:07bother.
23:08It's like a
23:08royal garden party,
23:09what's got out of
23:10hand.
23:10And I was only
23:11saying to Bob this
23:12morning you have
23:12got to draw the
23:13line somewhere.
23:16I think he's
23:16right, you know.
23:17I do, I think
23:18he's right.
23:19I think the time
23:20has come for us
23:20men to make a
23:21stand, to get
23:22things into
23:22perspective.
23:23What can we
23:24do?
23:24Well, we can have
23:26a few more jars,
23:27you know, just for a
23:28start, two more
23:28bit, confirm our
23:29convictions, and then
23:31we will strike a
23:32blow for man's
23:34lip.
23:34How?
23:36Well, we can't
23:37burn our bras, but
23:39for a start, we can
23:42take these bloody
23:43things back.
23:44Right.
23:46Right.
23:47a token of our
23:52solidarity.
23:53All for all and one
23:54for one.
23:55Is that right?
23:56Well, that'll do,
23:57won't it?
23:58Power to the people.
23:59All for one and one
24:01for another, that's it.
24:02Well, has all inside
24:02that leg got himself to
24:04then.
24:04Oi, shup, shup.
24:07Listen, Bob, no
24:09second thoughts now.
24:10This is mainly the
24:11start, George.
24:12I shall be changing
24:13the roles for a modest
24:14mini, halving the
24:15flowers, cancelling the
24:16choir, and that bell
24:18ringer will be getting
24:19the elbow.
24:20Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
24:22I, for my part, will
24:23not be tipping the
24:24verger.
24:26It will take
24:27Carly to that.
24:28Then I shall kick him
24:29up the cussock.
24:30What?
24:31The what?
24:31The cussock, very
24:32painful.
24:33Hey, what's a cussock?
24:36That's the thing the
24:37verger wears.
24:38That's a cussock.
24:39No!
24:41A cussock is what
24:42you kneel on.
24:43I thought a cussock was
24:44a Russian horseman.
24:46No, you fool, that's
24:47a cussock.
24:49I thought he played
24:50for Liverpool.
24:51That's toshack.
24:53Bless you.
24:55Oh, oh, oh.
24:56It's a raid.
24:58They've been drinking.
24:59Well, what are the
25:00three of the book to?
25:01They've been drinking,
25:01haven't you?
25:02Oh, no, love, we're
25:03not, no.
25:04Just a swift half.
25:06Yeah, we've just been
25:08doting the bride and
25:09the groom.
25:10What are you doing
25:11here, dearest?
25:12We've come to pick up
25:13the page boys' outfits.
25:14Shouldn't you be at
25:15the florist?
25:16They've been drinking
25:17when there's so much
25:18to do.
25:18Now, come on, I've
25:19asked you a question.
25:20What are you doing
25:20here?
25:21That's a fair
25:21question, love.
25:22Yes, fair deuce, fair
25:23question.
25:24What are you doing
25:24here?
25:24Well, we, we, uh, we,
25:26we just came to pick up
25:27our morning suit.
25:28We've only just...
25:29Ah!
25:29Stop it!
25:30Stop this!
25:31The morning suit!
25:31Oh, so much to get through,
25:32isn't it?
25:32Oh, so much!
25:34I don't know what time
25:35the florist closes.
25:38Men!
25:41That's right, a rose,
25:42one rose, and, uh, the
25:44princess for the
25:44bridesmaids, and, uh,
25:46there's effort for the
25:47parents.
25:48Yes.
25:49Thank you very much.
25:52Oh, it's all too much.
25:54You were right.
25:55Now, have I missed anything?
25:57Cars?
25:58Hired.
25:59Photographers.
26:00Contacted.
26:01Flowers.
26:02Arranged.
26:02Bell ringers.
26:03Rung.
26:04Hymns.
26:05Booked.
26:06That's about it, then.
26:07Well, Saturday.
26:08What happens then?
26:10You get married Saturday.
26:13Oh, yes, I do, don't I?
26:14Yes, I do.
26:15I get married on Saturday.
26:16Well, compared to all this,
26:18that'll be a piece of cake.
26:19Cake?
26:20Baked.
26:20Arrives Friday.
26:23I've already paid for.
26:25Well, you've still got to
26:25pay for the choir and the
26:26vicar's organ.
26:27Then I've got a tip of
26:29verdure.
26:30How much does a choir cost
26:31these days?
26:32Well, that depends.
26:33If you want the Vienna State
26:35Choir or the Huddersfield
26:36Choral Society, a little more
26:38than you could afford, I
26:39should think.
26:40On the other hand, if you
26:41only aspire to the St.
26:42Mark's Syncopate and Six,
26:44it will cost you...
26:47Let's have a look.
26:49Here we are.
26:50Choirs.
26:51Boys, 40 pence.
26:52Men and women, 70.
26:53Eee, do you know, it was only
26:56a shilling when I was in the
26:57choir.
26:58I can just see you and your
26:59surplus and your toshack.
27:02I had a fine little voice.
27:04Make a note of that for the
27:05best man's speech.
27:07It says here, this bit's about
27:09the speeches, it says here that
27:10it's a good idea for the best
27:12man to expose some intimate
27:15detail of the bridegroom's
27:17childhood.
27:18Oh, don't mention Deidre
27:20Birchwood.
27:22We've got enough hang-ups as
27:23it is.
27:24Oh, never mind, kidder.
27:25This time next week, you will
27:27have embarked on the great
27:28adventure.
27:29I'll be too exhausted to think
27:30of sex.
27:32Well, you can spend your first
27:33week laying floor coverings.
27:35Or putting in your storage
27:37units.
27:39There's more to marriage than
27:40storage units.
27:41I told you that.
27:42Oh, no, you didn't.
27:43I should have listened.
27:43I should have gone straight to
27:44the registry office or eloped.
27:46Oh, well, never mind.
27:48The women like it.
27:49Think of it that way.
27:51Hello.
27:51Oh, hello, Thelma.
27:52How's it all going?
27:53Fine, grand.
27:54Everything's under control.
27:56Getting through it all.
27:59Really exciting, isn't it?
28:01Do you really think so?
28:03It's driving me out of my mind.
28:05I mean it.
28:06My hairdresser's gone on
28:08holiday, so it means getting it
28:09done by Denny, and he's never
28:10done mine before.
28:11The dressmaker says he can't
28:13guarantee Susan's alterations on
28:14time.
28:15Mother's driving me up the
28:16wall, and young Dean's set
28:18far to his kilt.
28:22Don't get upset, Pat.
28:24Don't.
28:25Come on, now.
28:26Pull yourself together.
28:27Don't get upset.
28:28It'll be all right on the
28:29night.
28:30On the day.
28:30Why didn't you just ask me to go
28:36away with you?
28:37I mean, why didn't we just
28:38decide to live together?
28:39That's what we should have
28:40done.
28:41Marriage is an outdated
28:42institution.
28:44It's what Claire Bloom says.
28:45It's what everybody's saying.
28:49Thelma.
28:51Well, don't just sit there.
28:52You're the best man.
28:53You've read the booklet.
28:54In moments of crisis, you're
28:55supposed to stay in me with
28:57comfort and advice.
29:01I'll go and get that
29:02ladder.
29:03Oh, what happened to you
29:07Whatever happened to me
29:10What became of the people
29:15We used to be
29:18Oh, what happened to you
29:21Whatever happened to me
29:25What became of the people
29:29We used to be
29:32Oh, what happened to you
29:37Whatever happened to me
29:40What became of the people
29:44Oh, what happened to you
29:48Whatever happened to me
29:52What became of the people
Recommended
28:44
|
Up next
29:30
28:52
29:18
28:46
29:12
29:03
29:32
29:40
28:13
29:23
29:16
28:50
29:25
28:43
28:48
29:27
50:31
44:27
30:35
45:24
29:12
Be the first to comment