- hace 5 meses
When KAOS Inc. kills the only recording artist they have on their label, Agent 66 auditions as new singing sensation 'Galaxy' and Zach poses as Randy Starr, her agent/pianist.
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00:00It's kind of nice getting a night off, isn't it?
00:04Yeah, but there was no reason to call off the assassination in Rio.
00:07It wasn't raining that hard.
00:09You know, this is the first time we've ever done anything socially.
00:13It's kind of nice.
00:14No guns, no violence, no danger.
00:17You haven't been to the ladies' room.
00:22What in the hell are you trying to pull, Georgio?
00:27Johnny, Johnny, baby.
00:29Lighten up, kid.
00:30Georgio doesn't cheat his people.
00:33I mean that.
00:33I've spent two bloody years of my life recording Beat Me Bloody Live,
00:38and I ain't seen it in a single bloody record store.
00:41Meanwhile, you're shipping thousands of my bloody CDs to countries I bloody heard of.
00:47I want what's bloody well coming to me.
00:51Hey, kid, I will personally guarantee you get what's coming to you.
00:57I mean that.
00:58Let's give it up for Johnny Bloody!
01:05Hello, St. Louis!
01:08Washington!
01:10Whatever!
01:11Hey, Johnny, are you okay?
01:26I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak English.
01:32Here, Johnny, write it out.
01:42Soak!
01:43My God, he's been soaked.
01:45That's chaos!
01:46Oh, my God.
01:50Chaos killed him.
01:52You know what this means.
01:53Yeah.
01:54I better call the restaurant and move up our dinner reservations.
01:56Not a lot of friends.
01:58You know what this means.
01:59I'll be uit Phil.
02:00No, my God!
02:05Houston!
02:06Ha!
02:08No!
02:08Ah!
02:08No!
02:09No!
02:09Ah!
02:09Oh!
02:10Take your hand!
02:10I care!
02:12No!
02:12No!
02:13No!
02:14No!
02:14No!
02:15No!
02:15No!
02:16No!
02:16No!
02:17No!
02:17No!
02:18No!
02:18No!
02:22No!
02:22Okay, why would Chaos buy a record company and then kill their only artist?
02:37After hearing his records, I'm surprised that he lived as long as he did.
02:40The bigger question is, what is Chaos doing in the music business?
02:44I'm sorry, why is your question bigger than mine?
02:46My theory is that Chaos is hiding sinister messages in the lyrics.
02:53Unless I miss my guess, their intention is to brainwash the American people.
02:58Let's listen to the tape, Chief.
03:00Okay, we have flown in over 100 expert audio technicians to analyze these tapes.
03:08Now, let's listen.
03:11Limb!
03:12Mop!
03:13Lip!
03:14Bloobie!
03:15Ah-ha!
03:18Mim-mop!
03:19Flip!
03:20Bloobie!
03:20And what does that mean, Dad?
03:22It means that control has just sent another barrel of the taxpayer's money down the drain.
03:27Johnny Bloody's career was a bust everywhere except in the small, equatorial country of Santa
03:32Quavo.
03:32Where Chaos shipped 250,000 Johnny Bloody CDs.
03:36They must have been very popular down there.
03:39Santa Quavo only has 800 citizens.
03:41Very, very popular.
03:43Chaos Records is holding auditions tomorrow morning.
03:48Now, we have to get an agent in there.
03:50You know, someone who's intelligent, sexy, provocative.
03:53Someone who'll look good on an album cover.
03:55Okay, Dad, I'm there.
03:57I think he meant me.
04:00Oh, we like ourselves, don't we?
04:02Son, you're a terrific agent, but that shape is not gonna sell a lot of records.
04:13Eddie, what's this guy?
04:14Son, you're not choking on something.
04:16There's been 25 bad acts today.
04:18If we don't find some talent, this project's dead.
04:21So are we.
04:21How do I look?
04:29Perfect.
04:32Giorgio's a tough audience.
04:34We got one shot at this.
04:35Are you sure you can play this piece?
04:37I don't need that.
04:37I'm wearing control piano hands.
04:40Completely undetectable.
04:41They contain digitally activated neuroswitches that can play everything from ABBA to Zappa.
04:46I just gotta have him back in time for Agent 29's bachelor party.
04:52Hey, hey, hey!
04:54Excuse me.
04:55You done warming up?
04:56What do you mean warming up?
04:57That was my act.
04:58Next.
05:04Gentlemen, in all my years of artist management, I have never handled a talent of this magnitude.
05:10I give you...
05:11Excuse me.
05:18Who the hell are you, anyway?
05:20Call me Galaxy.
05:22Isn't that just a tiny bit pretentious?
05:25Get out there.
05:28Gentlemen, I give you Galaxy.
05:33The name's not written in stone.
05:38She looks worth hearing.
05:39I'd like to sing you a little song my mama sang me to sleep with.
05:43Yeah.
05:43Some things are meant to be like me and you.
05:56Cause one and one, baby, they make two.
06:00Like a stone that gathers all its moss.
06:04You're the meatballin' baby.
06:07Ooh, I'm the sauce.
06:10Like a hound in a bottle of sand.
06:22I'll be the cream in your demand.
06:26Like a secretary needs her boss.
06:30You're the meatballin' baby.
06:33I'm the sauce.
06:34I can't love you better if you give me time.
06:38I can't love you better if you give me time.
06:54I'm just like cheese to cheddar.
06:56I'm a great star to wine.
06:59No matter how it comes across.
07:02If you're the winter, I'm the frost.
07:05You're the meatballin' baby.
07:08I'm the sauce.
07:10Baby, I'm the sauce.
07:22Ooh, baby, I'm the sauce.
07:27Yeah.
07:31Galaxy, baby.
07:34What can I say, kid?
07:35You got style.
07:36You got presence.
07:37Giorgio, sweetheart, how are you?
07:39Randy Starr, star management.
07:41I'm Galaxy's manager, slash accompanist, slash agent, slash guru, slash confidant.
07:47You must have very small office parties.
07:51I want to sign you, darling.
07:53I can make Galaxy the biggest star orbiting the universe.
07:56Isn't that right, Eddie?
07:58Well, technically, a galaxy isn't a star, but a series of stars that don't orbit anything.
08:02Eddie, give me the contracts.
08:03Look, though, you sign with us, you're gonna make millions.
08:09You'll be the next Madonna, without the disgusting stuff.
08:12And I mean that.
08:13I like your sincerity.
08:15We have a deal, but Randy comes, too.
08:18What's he got?
08:18Pictures?
08:20Nah.
08:21Look, pal.
08:22I discovered Galaxy, okay?
08:25There she was, a big fat girl with pimples and black hair.
08:29Randy.
08:29And I said, hey, you do something about that fat, the pimples, and the black hair, and I
08:33can take you places.
08:34Randy.
08:34So I got her jogging three, four hundred miles a day.
08:36A little discount dermatology.
08:38Randy.
08:38What is it, sugar?
08:39Let's sign the deal.
08:41Exactly.
08:42Cut the small talk, Giorgio.
08:43Put up or shut up!
08:45There you go.
08:51Okay, babe.
08:52You gotta move fast.
08:53You're in the recording studio first thing in the morning, 11.30, noon-ish.
08:57Sure.
08:57I can love you better, if you give me time, just like cheese to the cheddar, I'm what
09:10grapes are to run, no matter how it comes across, if you're the winter, I'm the frost.
09:19You're the meatball, baby, I'm the sauce.
09:22That's an ocean, let me sweep away your cares, pure emotion, I'm the one who will take
09:35you there.
09:37I've got two good reasons why we're meant to be, with both my arms around you, we're like
09:47to be in peace, and no matter how it comes across, if you're the winter, I'm the frost.
09:55You're the meatball, baby, I'm the sauce.
09:59Quiet, everybody.
10:02A toast to tomorrow's release of Galaxy's premiere CD, and may there be many, many more.
10:10Drink.
10:14Sorry, no interviews.
10:16It's me.
10:17Oh.
10:18I saw something in Giorgio's office.
10:21Was it my tour itinerary?
10:22I hope we're not going to any Eastern Bloc countries.
10:24Everything is so gray.
10:26There's a hiding place in Giorgio's desk.
10:29It might just hold the key to why chaos got in the music business.
10:32Okay, here's the plan.
10:34Yes.
10:34You go search Giorgio's office.
10:36I'll stay here and be fawned over.
10:37No.
10:44You go search.
10:59Well,
11:24if it isn't Randy slash Deadman.
11:34What are you doing in my office?
11:36You know damn well why I'm here.
11:40Don't you?
11:41Eddie, show him what I like.
11:45Georgie, are the press-ons from Randy?
11:50What's going on here?
11:51Is this about my billboard?
11:54Billboard?
11:55What billboard?
11:56Randy, I told you not to bring this up with Giorgio.
11:58He is a very, very busy man.
12:00Yeah, well, when you're upset,
12:02I pounce like a border collie protecting its herd.
12:07A big, mean border collie.
12:10Whoa, whoa.
12:11You mean to tell me you broke into my office
12:13to talk to me about a billboard?
12:15That's right, pal.
12:17And I ain't leaving this office
12:18till I can walk down Times Square
12:20and see Galaxy's face plastered right up there
12:23where that guy's underwear is right now.
12:27Okay, we'll take care of it.
12:29Eddie, see what you can do.
12:32All right then.
12:33Wait a minute.
12:38Technically, the laws of physics states that you being here,
12:42you can't be seen walking down Times Square.
12:44You see two objects...
12:45Those encyclopedias go back tomorrow.
12:52Makes sense.
12:53Coffee, please.
12:54The lab played this backwards and forwards
12:56and found nothing.
12:58I've got it.
12:59What? What is it?
13:00I'll let Barbara Walters interview me in the park
13:02and Vanity Fair take photographs of me in the bathtub.
13:05That'll work so much better
13:06because, you know, I'd feel weird
13:07having Barbara Walters in my bathroom.
13:09You know, you're getting a little too caught up in this.
13:11Galaxy doesn't really exist, okay?
13:14I know that.
13:15Okay.
13:20But if she did,
13:21would she do Letterman or Leno?
13:22Because I've got to let them know by Monday.
13:24Sixty-six, please.
13:25Let's think about these lyrics again.
13:27There's got to be a secret message in there somewhere.
13:30Think about it.
13:31Meatballs.
13:32What could that be?
13:33Well, meatballs are round, right?
13:34Like the earth.
13:35And sauce is usually spicy.
13:38Hot.
13:39Like lava.
13:40Volcanic lava.
13:41Zach.
13:42What?
13:43Those lyrics were written by our own control songwriter.
13:45Hey, why doesn't international spy organization
13:47like Control have a songwriter anyway?
13:49Fire him, we have to fire the control poet.
13:51There's got to be something different about this CD.
14:00But what?
14:04Dad, these CDs are bogus.
14:06You're telling me since my phonograph broke,
14:08I've got 400 records and nothing to play them on?
14:11No, Dad.
14:12Burl Ives.
14:13Victor Moan.
14:14Perry Como.
14:15Sing along with me.
14:16Chief.
14:17Chief.
14:18We're talking about the Chaos CDs.
14:20They're actually highly polished mirrors that are able to focus the sun's rays into a destructive laser beam.
14:25But it still doesn't explain why Chaos is shipping so many CDs to Santa Cuevo.
14:30Well, you may be wrong there, 66.
14:32According to some information that just came in, that's a satellite photo taken 15 miles above the island of Santa Cuevo.
14:40Uh, Dad, that's a roast beef on rye.
14:42Huh?
14:43Oh, yes, that's the special at the cafeteria today.
14:47Chaos is trying to build a giant mirror to harness the rays of the sun into a laser light beam.
14:55Chaos must be making that mirror out of my CDs.
14:58If they complete that mirror, then they'll knock every satellite out of the sky, replace them with their own, and control all world communications.
15:08Why can't we think of something like that?
15:10Well, we don't have much time.
15:12The shipment goes out tomorrow.
15:13We've got to get back to New York and destroy those CDs.
15:16No, Dad, I know how these things work.
15:18Okay, thank you, son.
15:23Why so quiet?
15:25Oh, I was just thinking about when I was a little girl living in Hong Kong.
15:29I used to dream about being a famous singer.
15:31Oh, your parents lived in Hong Kong, huh?
15:33No, I had my own place.
15:35I would stand in front of a mirror using a carrot for a microphone, and I would pretend like I was in Madison Square Garden singing to all my adoring fans.
15:43That's a nice dream, 66.
15:46Yeah, it was.
15:48Be honest with me, Zack.
15:49Do you think Giorgio lied about everything?
15:5166, these people are chaos.
15:53They're evil.
15:54Believe me, they never had the slightest intention of making you a star.
16:03Well, that's a coincidence.
16:08Luke.
16:09For evil, they've got one hell of a promotional department.
16:21Galaxy.
16:22Giorgio, everybody's playing my song on the radio.
16:25Oh, we've got one hell of a promotional department.
16:27Yeah, that's what I told her.
16:28That's just the beginning, sweetheart.
16:30I mean, we're talking the cover of People, Rolling Stone, even Ebony.
16:34That's how good we are.
16:35Great.
16:36And I've got some really good ideas for the concert tour.
16:39We start with the dark arena, and then suddenly there's a flash of lightning, and I come on stage riding a cheetah, or one of those big horses in the beer commercial.
16:46Galaxy?
16:47And then...
16:48I think we should discuss your animal allergies for a second.
16:55Did you know Africa was a continent?
16:59You flipped.
17:00You're nuts.
17:01You've just gone over the edge, right?
17:03I just want one horse, not the whole beer wagon.
17:05You are not a singer, okay?
17:07You are a spy.
17:08Randy, did you not hear what he said?
17:10I am not Randy.
17:12I am Zachary Smart.
17:14And you are gonna blow this mission.
17:17The mission is over for me, Zach.
17:19I want to pursue my singing career.
17:21But 66...
17:22I'm not 66 anymore.
17:23Tell your dad to retire my number.
17:25I'm galaxy now.
17:27Then I guess I have to complete this mission solo.
17:30Zach, please try to understand.
17:33This is my dream, and I can't let anything get in my way.
17:42If I didn't know better, I'd say those two are spies.
17:44You don't know better, and they are.
17:46Do I get rid of them?
17:48Her I need.
17:49As for him, his contract just expired.
17:53Like a cat.
17:54No!
17:55Mental note.
17:56Next time, land on feet.
17:57Mental note number two.
17:58Next time, unclipped rope.
17:59Oh.
18:00Oh.
18:01Oh.
18:02Oh.
18:03Oh.
18:04Oh.
18:05Oh.
18:06Oh.
18:07Oh.
18:08Oh.
18:09Oh.
18:10Oh.
18:37this is zachary smart tell my dad i found the mirror cds at a warehouse
18:56technically we're knocked out very impressive randy or should i say zachary smart give it up
19:10georgio your little operation's going down like a flying squirrel with a head cold you're
19:15overlooking one small thing mr smart yeah what's that i'm the guy with the piece but i'm number one
19:21with the bullet galaxy baby drop the gun 66 you finally came to your senses honey shooting your
19:30producer is not a good career move don't listen to him plenty of rock stars shoot their producers
19:35think about it galaxy your pal here is the enemy he wants to win your career whereas i i want to
19:41take you all the way to the top think about it millions of people buying your albums bands
19:47everywhere calling your name galaxy galaxy galaxy shoot him 66 galaxy i knew you'd see it my way
20:02i'm sorry zach you're sorry gonna be a big star galaxy for every star has one or two skeletons in their
20:09closet if you see johnny bloody tell him his music's thank you goodbye mr smart back down
20:17the
20:30freeze everybody freeze chief the show's over oh well it's lucky for you i didn't get here on time
20:39yeah are you all right son we're fine how'd you find us your sneaker phone we put a trace on the lace
20:46why is it so dark in here chief no that's how he vaporized georgio that's what's left of him too bad all
20:56this could have been avoided if he had only used his record company for niceness instead of evil okay
21:03let's get these crates out of here 66 you did a terrific job you certainly had them fooled you know
21:10it reminds me 99 once wanted to be a rockette but her country came first too bad she had the legs for it
21:17that must have been a tough choice back there glad you made the right one zach there was never a choice
21:25i was pretending all along yeah figured you were of course i was well you proved one thing
21:33you're good enough to have your dream if you want it zach that was a childhood fantasy i outgrew it a long
21:39time ago i'm perfectly happy being a simple ordinary secret agent i'm licensed to kill
21:45well come on the jet's waiting baby i'm the sauce
22:15well come on the jet's waiting baby i'm the sauce and i'm gonna get the right one
22:23so
22:27so
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