- 4 days ago
In Top Gear Season 2, Episode 4, the team dives into supercar territory, delivers sharp car reviews, and welcomes a new celebrity to the Reasonably Priced Car
the focus is all Jaguars—Jeremy in the Jaguar XJR, James in a C-Type, Richard in a Mark II—and Boris Johnson visits for the Reasonably Priced Car.
the focus is all Jaguars—Jeremy in the Jaguar XJR, James in a C-Type, Richard in a Mark II—and Boris Johnson visits for the Reasonably Priced Car.
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TVTranscript
00:00Tonight, a Member of Parliament in our reasonably priced car.
00:08A nice relaxing smoke in a new Aston Martin.
00:13And a mad jag gone bad.
00:20Hello. Now, we've got a bit of a Jaguar theme tonight.
00:23Later on, I'll be looking at the new XJ, but look what we've got in the hangar.
00:28This is the R Coupe. It's the only one in the world.
00:32And honestly, have you ever seen such a beautiful car?
00:37No.
00:38Neither have I. But then, strictly speaking, it isn't actually a car.
00:41It's a concept. It's a one-off. It's a flight of fancy.
00:45Jaguar built it to show the world where they're going.
00:49But we start tonight on our track with where they came from.
00:531953. What a top year for being British.
00:59We climbed Everest, we broke the four-minute mile, and we raced this Jaguar C-Type at Le Mans.
01:04This was the first car to lap the Le Mans circuit at an average speed of more than 100 miles an hour.
01:14But the really interesting thing is that the bloke driving was totally and utterly...
01:21Drunk!
01:29His name was Duncan Hamilton.
01:31He and co-driver Tony Rolt qualified for the 53 Le Mans OK, but were then disqualified on a technicality.
01:38Hamilton went into town. He found a local bar and he got hog-whimperingly bladdered.
01:48Trouble is, the race organisers then decided that he could race, after all.
01:53So, now we have the world's lairious car on the start line of the world's most gruelling endurance race.
01:59At the wheel is the world's most plastered racing driver.
02:02And guess what happened?
02:04He won.
02:06This set the tone for Jaguar. Cars for rotters, for cads, for absolute bounders.
02:22Do you know, that has to be about my favourite ever motor racing story. It's fantastic.
02:25I know what you mean. Honestly, my favourite part of it was,
02:28first few pit stops when they were refuelling the car, they were giving the driver, Duncan Hamilton,
02:32they were giving him black coffee.
02:34He was going, no, no, no, no, no, this is making me all jittery.
02:36So, in the second half, they were giving him brandy.
02:38Topping him up.
02:40Fill the car up with Phil, fill him up with brandy, send him off again.
02:43And apparently it went on, because later in the race, you know there's no windscreen on that thing at all.
02:46Yeah.
02:47130 miles an hour, bird.
02:48Oof.
02:49Straight in the middle of the face.
02:50But he never noticed.
02:51No, carry on.
02:52What was that?
02:53What was that?
02:54No, he was hanging in tatters.
02:55No, I'm not giving up.
02:56And the thing is, Jaguar carried on in that spirit, because then in the 60s, they had this.
03:00The Mark II.
03:01It was glamorous enough for David Bailey, and yet genteel enough for Inspector Morse, and
03:07still fast enough for London's villains.
03:09Let me show you one feature, one little detail that sums up the impact the Mark II had when
03:22it arrived in 1959.
03:29I'm not talking about the beautiful grille, or that long bonnet, or the wire wheels.
03:34It's back here.
03:36It's this badge, Dunlop disc brakes.
03:39And no, it wasn't just Jaguar showing off.
03:42You see, these were the same disc brakes that had brought them victory at Le Mans.
03:46And Jaguar were worried that because they stopped the Mark II so quickly, mere mortals might
03:51just pile into the back.
04:00That might sound twee today.
04:02But back in 1959, this technology was mind-blowing.
04:07Good enough, in fact, to put the Mark II in a league of its own.
04:15Today, Jaguar may be locked in a constant struggle with its German rivals, BMW, Mercedes and Audi.
04:21But let's look at how the competition stacked up back then.
04:29This is the Mercedes.
04:31A 220 saloon.
04:33Mmm.
04:34Racy.
04:36This is the BMW 2000.
04:38It's getting there, but power-wise, it's still very much in short trousers.
04:43And this is the Audi.
04:47They really weren't trying at all.
04:49They hadn't even bothered to exist in 1959.
04:52But not only did the Mark II drive better than everything else, it also looked better than everything else.
04:58Quite a tricky double whammy to pull off.
05:01Even more so when you consider that in 1959, Jaguar didn't even have a styling department.
05:07There were no professional style gurus employed to draw these glorious shapes.
05:14Sir William Lyons, Jaguar's founder, would in the day work in the office, doing the paperwork, running the company.
05:20And then of a summer's evening, he'd work on the prototypes here in his garden, using the light, just looking to see how it felt on these gorgeous curves.
05:30And best of all, the head gardener of the time says that all the local boys and girls would line up along that wall and just peep over and watch him work.
05:43The 3.8 could hit 60 miles an hour in eight and a half seconds.
05:47That was faster than all the Germans, faster than many of the purpose-built sports cars of the day, faster even than some modern S-Type Jags.
06:00And best of all, it was accessible because it was so cheap.
06:05In fact, if you take into consideration just changing fashions, it wasn't the Jaguar of its time at all.
06:12It was the Subaru Impreza.
06:15An Aston Martin DB4 came in at 3,200 quid with 300 brake horsepower.
06:22But you could have a Mark II Jaguar 3.8 with 220 brake horsepower for 1,600 quid.
06:28Some people didn't even pay that much because the Mark II was the car of choice for Britain's villainous getaway drivers.
06:37Roy James, who was the great train robber's getaway driver, was very particular about his Jag Mark IIs.
06:45He'd always steal a 3.4 rather than a 3.8 just because he preferred the handling.
06:50Not a lot of people know that.
06:51The Mark II ran for most of the 60s, but by 1968 it was all over.
07:02And not such a bad thing, really, because by then Jaguar had been swallowed up by British Leyland.
07:07And predictably the BL Monster was doing its bit to screw up everything.
07:16So it had its eight year run, like most cars, but for me it remains the ultimate Jaguar.
07:21It wasn't the first time they'd used this kind of design or this engine, but as a package the Mark II became the definitive Jaguar saloon.
07:30It might not have the ultimate knockout glamour of the E-type, but the way we look at Jaguars today as fast, affordable, classy sports saloons was defined by this car.
07:41You know, I like the Mark II, hugely, but I didn't really get into Jaguar until they launched the supercharged version in 1994.
07:55Four.
07:56Four, that's right. There's nothing more sinister than a black XJR.
08:01Hannibal Lecter had one.
08:02And he was sinister.
08:03And I had one.
08:04Well, you're quite sinister.
08:05And the great thing was, is that if you parked it outside a post office, while you were away, you always got the sense that it was in there, robbing the place.
08:16Or eating the postmistress.
08:18But, the Lecter...
08:20The Lecter-mobile, thank you.
08:21Lecter-mobile has gone. Finished.
08:23This is the new XJ.
08:25This is the Jaguar saloon for the 21st century.
08:28And we'll be looking at it a bit later on.
08:30But now, it's the news.
08:32Right.
08:34We start tonight with some Vauxhall news, which will be of interest to these two chaps, because you've got an Astra Diesel.
08:41What is he doing here?
08:43And he's got a Vectra and not even the new one.
08:46Deary me.
08:47Anyway, we have managed to secure a photograph of next year's Astra.
08:51Who'd like to see what it looks like?
08:53Nope, not really. Not really.
08:55You would like to see.
08:57Okay, fair enough.
08:58No!
09:00It is nice.
09:01It's unbelievably nice.
09:02It's unbelievably nice.
09:03Terrific.
09:04It'll never look anything like that at all, in reality, surely.
09:07No, well, I thought that.
09:08So I rang Vauxhall up and I said, look, is it really going to look like that?
09:12I said, yes. If it doesn't, can I eat your dog?
09:14And he said, yeah, okay, you can eat my dog.
09:16I promise you, the three-door Astra, apart from the back end, which will be a little bit different, will look like that.
09:21That's fabulous.
09:22Absolutely fabulous.
09:23Can I show you something interesting?
09:25Have a look at this, okay?
09:26It's a Ferrari, clearly.
09:28And this stripe is what we're interested in for the moment.
09:31Reading down this options list, how much do you reckon this cost?
09:34What does it have? It's painted on the car.
09:35If you buy just a red car, but you want it as an extra from the options list that I have here.
09:39£1,000.
09:40£1,500.
09:41For a bit of paint?
09:42£2,000.
09:43Chartel is £3,643 for a stripe. Seriously.
09:47£3,600 bargain, says the man with the Astra Diesel.
09:52This is the Stradale, which, if I can explain, is taken from, they have a championship race, where these compete.
09:58Yeah.
09:59This is the road-going version of the race car, so it costs £30,000 more.
10:02It's £130,000.
10:03But it's lighter, it's lower, they firm up the suspension, lower the centre of gravity, more power, about 425 brake horsepower,
10:100-62 in 4.1 seconds.
10:12And it has got paddle shift, and before you bleed, they're only like flappy gearboxes.
10:16It's actually quite good in that.
10:17I'm sorry.
10:18I'm sorry, everyone.
10:19Have you driven this car?
10:20I have, yes.
10:21And what happened when you drove this car?
10:23Well, I crashed it.
10:24Tell the nice ladies and gentlemen about what happened.
10:28Well, I was going round a corner, and the next minute I went round lots and lots of corners very quickly.
10:32I span it several times.
10:34Actually, this is why it's called the F360, this model.
10:37You just drive along and you go, and then you do a 360.
10:40Do you know, you could be right.
10:42You could be right.
10:43I've got news.
10:45When Rover MG bought itself from BMW for a tenner a few years ago, they made some fairly bold claims about what they were going to do.
10:54They said they were going to have a list of it here.
10:56They said they were going to have a new 45 by 2003.
11:00They said they were going to have a VA engine in the ZT.
11:03They said there was going to be an SV supercar.
11:06They said they were going to make a space shuttle.
11:08Yeah, a space station.
11:09Yeah, well, they were going to build a space shuttle to get to the Rover space station.
11:12The Rover space station would be fab, actually, wouldn't it?
11:14It would be dark metallic green, and it would have a grill on that would sort of appear every 24 hours.
11:20And a really nice clock somewhere.
11:23I'm just thinking of the idea of Rover launching something.
11:26It's T minus six seconds.
11:28T?
11:29Someone's like T.
11:30What station is it?
11:31I don't know why we're going to go into space.
11:33It's 3.30 now, we're knocking off my phone.
11:36We'll do the launch in the morning.
11:39Anyway, no Rover space station, no supercar that we've been able to see, no Rover 45s.
11:45They've not annexed China or bought India or all the things they said they were going to do,
11:49but what they have done, and I've got a photograph of it here, is launched some hoops for the MG.
11:56Check it out.
11:57Yeah, you now buy those hoops which will cost you £280, inclusive of the AT,
12:04or if you want them attached to the car, £339.
12:10Right, reliability studies, we love these, because, no, we do, because they tell us not, you know,
12:17which is the fastest noughts to 60, but which cars break down and why.
12:20This is a good one.
12:21It's by a company called, I think, reliabilityindex.com or something, which possibly isn't the best of starts.
12:27But this makes interesting reading.
12:29Here's their most reliable cars from their extensive survey work.
12:33Their top ten goes as follows.
12:34Number one, Mazda.
12:36Fair point.
12:37Mazdas are reliable.
12:38Anyone got a Mazda?
12:39Does it ever break down?
12:41No, they don't.
12:42There you go.
12:43They just don't.
12:44MX5 goes forever.
12:45Then in second place, Ford.
12:48I suppose nowadays, if you think...
12:51Anyone got a Ford?
12:52Yeah.
12:53Does it ever break down?
12:54No.
12:55Some do, some don't.
12:56Anyway, the second most reliable car they reckon.
12:58I think this reliability index gets a bit weak here.
13:01Third most reliable make of car.
13:04Fiat.
13:11I mean, then it's got, you know, Honda, Volkswagen, Mercedes, Toyota, BMW, Volvo,
13:15although all the people expect, but in third place, Fiat.
13:18What have they got as being the most unreliable cars?
13:20Well, this is good fun because, according to them, the second least reliable make,
13:25least reliable make, is Subaru.
13:28They don't go wrong.
13:29They're the most reliable cars imaginable.
13:31I have never, in how long I've been doing this, 15 years,
13:34I've never had a letter from a Subaru owner, ever, saying my Subaru broke down.
13:38So, that is...
13:39No, no, what was number one?
13:40What's the most unreliable car, according to them?
13:42Toyota?
13:43It'll be...
13:44It'll be...
13:45It'll be Lexus.
13:46It'll be Lexus.
13:47It'll be Lexus.
13:48Oh, Jeep was one?
13:49Yeah.
13:50Do you want that?
13:53Absolute rubbish.
13:54Well, this is interesting.
13:56A brochure about the opening of a new car park in Leeds.
14:02Q Park is not only changing the way people park, but also the way they think about parking.
14:08Parking...
14:09I don't think about parking.
14:10Parking...
14:11You don't.
14:12It gets better.
14:13Parking provides a vital link in the mobility chain.
14:16It does.
14:17You stop your car and go shopping.
14:18It is never an end in itself.
14:20Well, you don't just go out to do some parking.
14:23Come here, darling.
14:24Have a nice day.
14:25Oh, that's a bit...
14:26I've been invited to the opening of this car park.
14:29In Leeds?
14:30What?
14:31Yeah, I have to say I'm very disappointed in it, because when I joined Top Gear I thought,
14:34here we go.
14:35French?
14:36Film Festival?
14:37Kristen?
14:38No.
14:39I've been invited to the opening of a car park, and it says, yes please, I would like
14:43to come to the opening of the car park.
14:45I will be arriving, A, by car, B, on foot.
14:49So anyway, I rang them up and I said, I'd like to come in the car, will they be parking?
14:56Last week, if you remember, we launched our search for rubbish cars.
15:01Well, not rubbish cars, cars that have been ruined, if you remember.
15:04People have just done stupid things.
15:06I've got a good example that's been sent in, to give you an idea of what we're looking
15:09for.
15:10Started life as a Volvo, okay?
15:11Sensible car.
15:12I've never seen this car in real life.
15:13Look at that!
15:14Look at that!
15:15What?
15:16He's welded half a wheelie into it.
15:19Where?
15:20On earth?
15:21When I saw that on the M4, there was a trail of traffic, all trying to look, not just at
15:25the car, but at the idiot that did that to him.
15:30Now, when I hosted Have I Got News For You last year, seven people telephoned the BBC
15:35to say I was a very poor presenter.
15:38When my guest tonight hosted it, 85 people rang up and said he was an excellent presenter.
15:44He is the Conservative MP for Henley, he's editor of The Spectator, and it seems he's 92
15:50times better than me at hosting topical news quizzes.
15:53Ladies and gentlemen, Boris Johnson!
15:54How are you?
15:55Good to see you.
15:56How are you?
15:57Good to see you.
15:58How are you?
15:59Good to see you.
16:00Good to see you.
16:01Good to see you.
16:02Good to see you.
16:03Good to see you.
16:04Good to see you.
16:05Good to see you.
16:06Good to see you.
16:10This Have I Got News For You Malarkey.
16:11Yes.
16:12It is tricky, isn't it?
16:13Very tricky.
16:14I mean, tricky for me at least, anyway.
16:15Well, it was tricky.
16:16It was trying to remember which bit you were supposed to be looking at at any given time.
16:20I think Angus Deaton earned his money.
16:21I think they should bring back Angus.
16:23Well, who thinks we should bring back Angus?
16:25I think they should bring back Angus.
16:26Yes.
16:27Not bring back Angus, but bring back Angus.
16:29Yeah.
16:30The thing I've got to find out, really, is most politicians, Fransak and Worker, are pretty
16:35incompetent, and then have a veneer of competence.
16:38Yes.
16:39You do seem to do it the other way around.
16:41Yes.
16:42Well, you can't rule out the possibility, you know, beneath the elaborately constructed veneer
16:46of a, you know, blithering idiot.
16:47There are lurks of blithering idiots.
16:49Well, which is it?
16:50Are you a little idiot?
16:51No, of course not.
16:52No, no, no, no, my dear fellow.
16:53What's this about you driving a tractor through a barn, then?
16:56Yes, it's perfectly true that this was a long time ago.
17:00I'm, you know, if you've ever driven a tractor very fast.
17:04No.
17:05Nobody has.
17:06Well, this was actually rather a fast one by my standards.
17:10Massey Ferguson tractor.
17:11We had a great many very complicated gears, and at the crucial moment I couldn't remember
17:16which gear was the one you used when you wanted to slow down, and a sort of blankness descended,
17:20and I went out through the back of the barn, and, um...
17:24Through the wall?
17:25Yeah.
17:26Yeah.
17:27And anyway, it was all right in the end.
17:28They docked my pay where I was working, but so...
17:31It was perfectly easy to replace the wall, so...
17:34You were...
17:35What were you?
17:36A tractor driver, then?
17:37Part-time, yes.
17:38Part-time tractor driver, yes.
17:39And now you write about cars.
17:41I do.
17:42Well, I do.
17:43But, you know, Jeremy, I sit at your feet in the terms of, you know, writing about cars.
17:47Anyway, I'm, you know, like Aeschylus, feasting at the, you know, from scraps from the rich banquet of Homer.
17:53Right, that's the sort of thing, that's the sort of thing that goes down big on Top Gear, isn't it?
17:58Yeah, I was going to say, that's a good thing.
17:59That's a good thing.
18:00Is it?
18:01It is a good thing, yeah.
18:02Because, I mean, I do enjoy, okay, it's a GQ magazine, your motoring column.
18:04Yeah, yeah.
18:05It is very good.
18:06It's very few.
18:07I don't know anything about cars.
18:08No, it's...
18:09As you know, very, you know, I don't really know.
18:10I shouldn't say that, actually.
18:11I do know, I know more than I used to.
18:12Can I just, can I just share a little observation that Boris made about the Maserati here?
18:17Look how much has been crammed in, the great, big, fat, long things, the vast doodah with the squiggly bits coming out of the...
18:25Just look at those sucking...
18:27Now, what do you think, I do, what do you really know your stuff there about cars?
18:31Absolutely no idea.
18:32Yeah.
18:33No, genuinely, I have no idea how an engine works.
18:36People have sat me down and said, no, no, no, the petrol goes in.
18:39Do you know?
18:40No, not the faintest, no.
18:41And then this pistons go up and down and somehow you go a lot.
18:44How does that happen?
18:45He'll know, he's got a beard and a rover.
18:47He'll know everything there is to know about it.
18:49It is a miracle, yes.
18:50But I am, I'm a very keen cyclist.
18:52Unlike you, I think.
18:53I know this.
18:54I know this.
18:55And you talk on a mobile phone while you're doing it.
18:58No.
18:59You do.
19:00Well, I do, I do, yeah.
19:03When I said no, I wanted to make a point about my willingness to learn and to reform,
19:08because it's perfectly true that I did once talk on a mobile phone, whilst cycling.
19:13And actually, why shouldn't you be able to talk on a mobile phone?
19:16Because you can't reach the brakes.
19:18You can, with one hand.
19:19Oh, I have this exact same thing.
19:21Are you saying, are you saying that people with only one arm shouldn't be allowed to ride a bicycle?
19:27Are you?
19:28Because that, I put it to you, I put it to you, that is, that is, you know, that's discriminatory.
19:33Yes, people with one arm should not be allowed to ride a bicycle, on the basis that...
19:37What do you mean?
19:38No one should be allowed to ride a bicycle.
19:40Ah.
19:41They take up too much space on the road, and they don't pay to be there.
19:45Well, I think bicycles are absolutely wonderful.
19:47You wouldn't park in a cycle lane, would you?
19:49Park in one?
19:50You wouldn't park in a cycle lane?
19:51No, but I do drive in them fairly regularly.
19:52You drive in cycling lanes?
19:53Yeah, and bus lanes.
19:54I think the bus lane is a very good idea.
19:57For you?
19:58Yeah, because you think everyone's not in this?
20:00Fantastic.
20:01I'm late, I'll just zoom up.
20:03I don't know.
20:04You see, are you allowed to say that on telly?
20:06I just did.
20:07Whether it gets edited better.
20:08I defy, I defy the makers of Top Gear to keep that admission in, you know, in the final edit.
20:14Well now, we're not going to know...
20:15I think that's a bit of a challenge.
20:16Until Sunday night, we're not going to know whether it makes it into the final edit or not.
20:19That sounds outrageous.
20:20What, that I drive in bus lanes?
20:22Who here drives in bus lanes?
20:23One.
20:24Two.
20:25Exactly.
20:26There's only three of us who drive in bus lanes.
20:28They're empty for us.
20:29So what's it like on the road?
20:32Are you the kind of guy that has your car towed away the whole time?
20:35It has been towed away now and then, yeah.
20:37It has been towed away.
20:38I wouldn't hide it from you.
20:39But I have to say, the last time it happened, it was in defiance of every by-law.
20:44It was, it was...
20:45My car was legally parked.
20:47It was absolutely no question.
20:48And I had the testimony of two traffic wardens that it was legally parked.
20:52In a residence permit parking bay.
20:54Mm-hmm.
20:55But the point I want to make, the point I want to make is that once your car, do you know
20:58this?
20:59Once your car has, it has one inch off the ground, once it's in that dreadful hammock and they've
21:04got it, it is no longer yours.
21:06You have no rights over that vehicle anymore.
21:08There's nothing you can say to the chap, the toer.
21:11I have a theory on that.
21:13What's that?
21:14Who'd like to hear my theory on that?
21:15Yeah.
21:16I think if you leaps onto the bonnet as it was dangling around...
21:19And you've got one wheel down onto the top.
21:21No, health and...
21:22There's no way in hell that a health and safety law is going to allow you to be...
21:25They'll have to put it back down again.
21:27I'm sure of that.
21:29Now, of course, you're here really to find out just how good a driver you are, I guess.
21:33Yeah, I have an idea about that.
21:35Really?
21:36How good a driver do you think you are?
21:37Extremely bad.
21:38Really?
21:39Extremely bad.
21:40Who'd like to see Boris's lap?
21:42Yeah!
21:43Here we go.
21:44Well, that was a start.
21:47It's already been made totally by my coach.
21:50It's got a stick.
21:52I'm the worst driver he's ever made.
21:55You've got to aim for the apex.
21:57Aim for the apex.
22:03Who hooted at me?
22:04Someone hooted at me.
22:06I'm so scared.
22:14Well, there we are, across the line.
22:22Don't feel bad about the off-road excursion there.
22:24Yeah.
22:25Was it uncomfortable?
22:26No, it was fine.
22:27It was a very good car.
22:28It is a very good car.
22:29Very reasonably priced.
22:30I think you can buy them now for about 25p.
22:32Really?
22:33That one, for sure.
22:34Now, where do you think you're going to come here?
22:38Do you think you're going to be up with JK and Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay,
22:41or are you going to be more of Jonathan Ross, Harry Enfield?
22:44I think I'm towards the, if not the very last.
22:47I mean, I have no idea.
22:48No, you couldn't be slower than Harry Enfield.
22:50Well, I don't know.
22:51I have no idea.
22:52He's terrified someone's going to come one day and be slower than him.
22:55But he's only 13 seconds slower than JK, isn't he?
22:5813 seconds on that track is about four years.
23:02Real time.
23:03Anyway, I have your time here.
23:04You did it in one minute.
23:0656 seconds, everybody.
23:10He's faster than Jonathan Ross.
23:18Ladies and gentlemen, Boris Johnson.
23:28Right, the new Jaguar XJ.
23:32Now, it looks...
23:33Well, it looks exactly the same as the old Jaguar XJ.
23:36Seriously, that can't have been a difficult day for them in the design office, can it, really?
23:40What are we going to do for the new Jag?
23:42Well, I quite like the old one.
23:43Actually, we'll do that.
23:44But, in fact, it's bigger.
23:46And that means you get a lot of stuff you didn't get on the old XJ.
23:50Things like room in the back for full-size people.
23:53You all right there?
23:54Comfortable?
23:55Good.
23:56Actually, I've got to say, I never really noticed that as a big problem for some reason.
23:59But, apparently, there wasn't much space.
24:01You also get, for the first time in an XJ, a proper size boot that you can get stuff in.
24:07Comfy?
24:08Yeah, very.
24:09But, despite all of this, despite being bigger, it manages to be a fifth of a ton lighter than the previous XJ.
24:16And that's because the new one is made of aluminium.
24:20And a lighter car is going to be nimbler, it's going to be faster, more economical, and, of course, kinder to the environment.
24:27The thing is, though, the old XJ, the one that I couldn't fit in the boot of, that was made of lead and rock and, like, churches.
24:35So, it was like a big velvet glove.
24:38Pick you up at the end of a hard day at work and then gently deposit you at home.
24:43Now, this one, lighter, more high-tech.
24:46What worries me is that some of the Jaguariness will have been lost.
24:51So, to find out, I designed a cunning test.
24:55Because Jaguars are supposed to ease the burden of travel, I thought I'd see how far I could go in the new one before I got bored and tired and irritable.
25:11There are so many things that usually annoy me on a motorway, like people in Mondeo's registration number M134LWR, who sit in a middle lane for no reason.
25:23But there is fun stuff, too.
25:26Well, here we are in Birmingham, and I must say it's very nice of Bosch to advertise the programme like that.
25:33So far as the car's concerned, however, I've nothing to report.
25:39It's fine.
25:41Mmm, the M6.
25:45All solid.
25:47If I were in a Mercedes, I'd be...
25:51Come on!
25:52Come on, everybody!
25:53Get out of the way!
25:54But in the Jag, I'm relaxed.
26:02So, they have an accident in roadworks, and they're not even doing any roadworks.
26:07And ordinarily, that would annoy me, but I'm not bothered.
26:10Eventually, I broke free from the obstacle course that is Birmingham and found the supercharged Jag has lost none of its superchargedness.
26:25The extraordinary thing about this is, is that whether you're doing 50 or 70, or even a little bit more than that,
26:33there's no difference in how it feels or sounds. It's amazing.
26:39This is Staffordshire now, voted recently in a survey by Country Life magazine as the worst county in all of England.
26:48But they won't have looked at the important things, like the quality of the slip roads going into motorway service stations.
26:56And on that front, Stafford Services is in a class of its own.
27:01And here we go.
27:02You can get brake hard, good brakes.
27:08Turn in, hug the apex all the way around, let it run wide.
27:12Oh, the air suspension.
27:15Working overtime here, keeping us flat and level.
27:17Into the haircut.
27:18And here we are, coming up to the pits.
27:25Phew, what a lap.
27:27I can't believe how light this door is.
27:30You know those little tights cars that all kids have?
27:34The red ones with the yellow roof door?
27:36That's what this feels like.
27:38So watch this, right?
27:39Still, it should pay dividends where it matters.
27:49Here.
27:51One of the worst things about the old Jag was filling it up.
27:54It used to...
27:56all the time.
27:58This, though, is going in smoothly so far.
28:01That's a big improvement.
28:05Out of the services, it was time for another jam.
28:08And guess what was at the other end of it?
28:11Cheshire.
28:13I'm not sure that the Jag will play well here.
28:16I don't think its bonnet is onyx enough.
28:19If you are interested in aesthetics, a bit of advice.
28:23You've got to either have a Sport or the XJR like I've got here.
28:27Because if you buy the SE,
28:29you get the worst radiator grille in the world.
28:34And SEs, the wheels are too narrow on them.
28:37So they look pinched.
28:39Mm-hm.
28:40Like Joyce Grenfell.
28:42Except not just pinched.
28:43They've also got that silly grille.
28:46So they look...
28:47Mm-hm.
28:54Tell you what is nice.
28:56They must have been tempted to kind of go with the Conran Kevlar interior,
29:01but they've stuck with the wood and the leather.
29:03And even though the car's much bigger, you still feel hemmed in.
29:07You know, big, tall centre console and...
29:10It's just nice.
29:11Feels like you're driving around in an Eiderdown.
29:14Now, time for the traditional motorway travellers' mortgage board.
29:19Double-decker.
29:24Well, that's the trouble with eating a double-decker.
29:27Bits of it fall off and go in your lap.
29:29Just try a twirl.
29:32Oops.
29:34With guano.
29:36Oh, very good.
29:38New chunky Kit-Kat.
29:40Twix.
29:41And the whole favourite.
29:43Mm.
29:44That's very good.
29:46That was a delicious lunch.
29:48Very much looking forward to my tea.
29:49William Haig once said to me that I was the sort of person who thought that the Lake District got in the way of the M6.
30:02It does.
30:03I mean, we have to go round all these corners just because of these silly lumps.
30:09It is pretty, though.
30:13I hate car journeys.
30:15They're so mind-crushingly boring.
30:17But after six hours and 330 miles in the Jag, I was still relaxed.
30:23No matter what the irritation.
30:28This is Radio One.
30:31Now, normally, that's like having a rusty screwdriver shoved into the side of your head.
30:36And I don't know, today, it's fine.
30:39I mean, listen to this chap.
30:40He wants to bitch-slap his hoe.
30:43Why not?
30:45Good luck to you fella.
30:47Let's try Radio Four.
30:55Society has not always valued originality.
30:58Ooh, it's Melvin Bragg's philosophy show.
31:01To what extent is originality about perception rather than conception?
31:06And is originality a concept without meaning today?
31:09I'm not quite with you there, Melvin.
31:11I don't really understand the question.
31:13...cultural theory at Cardiff University.
31:17So, this is Glasgow.
31:18And I'm still feeling fresh.
31:19I shall plough on.
31:20Glad I did, because in Scotland the Jag got even better.
31:35When I was on the motorway, it felt like a big, comfortable cruiser, like a 7 Series BMW, but now the motorway network has finished, and it's all gone twisty and curly, it seems to have shrunk.
31:48I would swear that I was driving a car the size of a 3 Series BMW.
31:55This is what we want.
31:56A car that soothes away the monotony of the motorway and then sticks its hand down the front of your trousers when the road gets curly.
32:06Which it has done.
32:14The old XJR drank fuel like a space shuttle, but this one had brought me from Stafford to the Scottish Highlands on one tank.
32:22Just.
32:23I'm now playing what I like to call fuel light bingo.
32:30The rules are very simple.
32:32You let the fuel light come on, then you let the needle go all the way through the red until it's bent like that round the bottom of the gauge.
32:39Then when you see a sign saying services 1 mile and 27 miles, go for the furthest one away and when you get there, go past that one too.
32:49If you win, you make it home, the next day your wife drives your car and she fills it up for you.
32:56I think it's a great game.
32:58My wife doesn't like it very much. I think it's brilliant.
33:02If you lose, you run out of petrol.
33:04When I finally coughed into a village shop that sold petrol from one of Robert Louis Stevenson's old pumps, it turned out the Jag had done 22.7mpg.
33:18Not bad for a supercharged 4.2 litre V8.
33:34Oh dear. I seem to have run out of country.
33:46Still, this time of night, it should be quite a nice trip back.
33:49So what's the verdict then, Jeremy?
33:56Well, I still like the fuse bar best of all.
33:59I tried that boost for the Guarnet, it was like a double-decker.
34:02It just sort of crumbles down, you arrive with brown, all melted.
34:06Jeremy, you've got the car. Thank you.
34:08Oh, the verdict's on the car? Well, it's very good.
34:11Yes.
34:12£38,000 for that XJR. It's also extremely good value for money.
34:16That's a lot less than you pay for the equivalent BM, Merck or Audi.
34:20What's your favourite in the range?
34:23The 4.2 SE. It's the most Jaguar-y.
34:26Yours?
34:27Well, I'm not saying it's my favourite, but just the entry level, the 3 litre V6 is about 39.
34:32Yep.
34:33I think that's a perfectly acceptable car.
34:34It is, but the XJR, honestly, I wafted up to John O'Groats, turned around and wafted back again.
34:38No backache, wasn't tired, wasn't stressed. It's a very good car.
34:41The only thing I didn't like about it was the air suspension.
34:45And we're seeing this more and more on big cars nowadays.
34:47The old XJ used to glide around at low speeds.
34:50But with air suspension, it just can't absorb bumps when it's going slowly, like the old one.
34:55So you sort of crash into things. And we hope air suspension goes away very soon.
35:00And takes with it those flappy gearboxes.
35:01Yes.
35:02Exactly. Right, the cool wall, crucial point. Where's it going to go?
35:06Now, black XJR...
35:08Where is it going?
35:09I think we've kind of proven...
35:11Cool?
35:12Do you know, I think it's bordering on super... I think it could be super...
35:16A black XJR?
35:18It's there.
35:20Jeremy, it's also getting higher. I'm not even going to go there this week. I can't be bothered.
35:26Then the rest of the range does have a problem. Can you do it for us?
35:29Which we look exactly like that.
35:32Isn't that uncanny?
35:34That is incredible.
35:36That is the most... Isn't that a dreadful grill?
35:40It is a disaster. Just say yes, Jeremy.
35:42I have found a dealer who for 250 quid, that's 250 quid, will put you the XJR grill on any XJ.
35:52Really? Yes.
35:53That kind of admits it's wrong. But I reckon if it's got that standard grill on, I'm afraid with the Jeremy's face grill on it, that's uncool.
36:00Sorry, just such a small thing spoils it.
36:01Exactly. Now, would you buy the Jag in preference to anything else?
36:06Yeah, I'm a Jag man, yes.
36:08Yeah, so would I. You?
36:10Well, I definitely wouldn't buy the 7 Series BM. No, it's too ugly.
36:14Audi A8 isn't quite there yet.
36:17S-Class Mercedes...
36:19Merchant banker.
36:20Yeah.
36:22Very much a merchant banker's car, so yeah, I would have the Jag.
36:25But there is one slight problem.
36:28In a few weeks, we're going to be running a road test of this.
36:31It's the new Volkswagen Phaeton.
36:33And I suspect that this will put a large German fly in Jaguar's ointment.
36:40Now then, Hammond, do you have £58,500 to spend on a new XJR?
36:45No, I don't. No, you don't.
36:46No, you don't. Well, this is insider dealing where we've got more sense than money.
36:51And I've found that the original XJR, now this is the 1994 one, the first supercharged one,
36:56six cylinders but still a very nice car.
36:58Possibly a bit more raw than the eight cylinder ones as well.
37:00Yeah, it looks essentially like this but with different wheels.
37:02I've found one 70,000 miles in black, very Hannibal, less than £8,000.
37:07How's that? They are a tempting buy.
37:09But, you're going to say...
37:11I've just got a slight reservation on them.
37:12My worry is always this, buy one by all means, it's a great car, it'll look like this, you'll be very happy.
37:17And I've nearly done this a couple of times.
37:19At the wheel about to buy it, bear in mind it will lose money and never stop losing money.
37:24You pay £8,000 for one now, that'll be half next year and the year after until you've got to pay somebody a grand to take it away.
37:29I'm not saying don't buy one, I think they're fantastic, but buy one in the knowledge that you're going to have to keep it because it'll lose its value.
37:36Car supermarkets, do you remember when these started, they tended to be full of three year old, ex-rental cars and fleet stuff and it was, you know, boring.
37:44They were a bit shabby. A bit shabby and a bit worn out.
37:46All of a sudden these are full of really fantastic new car deals.
37:49Now, I'll explain why this is.
37:51If you're a main dealer, you have to take a certain allocation of cars off your manufacturer or importer.
37:56That's part of the deal of being a dealer.
37:58As we know, this year is not such a good year for car sales, they've got too much stuff.
38:02Now, they don't want to put them on the forecourts at a discounted price because it looks bad and in the long term it'll be bad for business.
38:08So what they're doing is they're quietly shoving them into the car supermarkets and they're bargains.
38:12Now, how about a Range Rover?
38:14Not the new one I'm afraid, the previous model, the very boxy one.
38:17It was a £50,000 car, but it's only £30,000.
38:21That's the starting price.
38:22£30,000?
38:23Yeah. It's not bad, is it?
38:24And it's still a new car, which is not the new Range Rover.
38:26Completely new, it just hasn't been sold yet.
38:27That's a good buy.
38:28But that's rubbish compared with this. I love this one. The Alfa Romeo 166.
38:32When was the last time anybody actually saw one of those on the road?
38:35You don't, but it's a really elegant car.
38:36It's absolutely fabulous. It looks terrific. The inside is fantastic. It makes a great noise. It's Italian. All the rest of it.
38:43Now, these are in car supermarkets.
38:45Let's take the two-litre twin-spark model. This has a list price of £20,750. I've seen it for less than £13,000.
38:53Ooh, that is a saving.
38:55That is a fantastic saving, but here's a better one. The 2.5-litre V6 model, this is the quad-cam engine, generally acknowledged to be one of the finest engines in the history of the Italian car.
39:05This car would retail at £24,250. I found it for less than £15,000. Less than the list price of a Focus diesel.
39:13Focus money. That is such an elegant car. That is a very good one. Absolutely fabulous.
39:19This is the ultimate underground car. It's called the Jaguar XKRR. It's lowered. It's got racing seats, racing seat belts.
39:29There's somewhere in there to put your helmet. It's got enormous wheels. It's got exhausts by Matrix Churchill.
39:35It's a concept, but unlike the R-Coupé that we saw at the start of the show, this one actually works.
39:49Unlike any XK that's gone before, this one has a manual gearbox, and you can do 58 miles an hour in first.
39:57They've also changed the rear suspension, which was always an XK Achilles heel.
40:04In fact, they've changed the entire rear end and fitted a limited slit there.
40:11Which means you can do this.
40:18If you try to do this in a normal XK, you'd spin.
40:23But this just grips and goes. It's a cat.
40:29Gone feral.
40:32I love this car, but sadly, they can't put it into production.
40:36Because Jaguar has a sister company, Aston Martin.
40:40And this would jump up and down all over Aston's new car.
40:44The DB7 GT.
40:46This shape has been with us for ten years now, but neither time nor Aston's misguided attempts to improve it with new wheels and flared sills have managed to ruin it.
40:59For the GT, they've really gone mad.
41:06There's a new boot lid with a sort of spoiler on the end of it.
41:09There are lumps on the bonnet with louvres.
41:11And there's a new radiator grill.
41:13Now, all these things are terrible.
41:15But look at it this way.
41:17When Sean Connery grew a beard, my wife still fancied him.
41:20Inside, you still get a handmade feel.
41:28When I close the centre console lid, for instance, the ashtray opens.
41:33And this window doesn't close properly, so once you're going more than, say, 50 miles an hour, you get a little squeak of wind noise.
41:40Mind you, that's not the most annoying sound that the Aston makes.
41:45And stop this bong by closing the door, but then when you turn the ignition on, you get a new bong.
41:52It's presumably for the American market.
41:55Remind them that they're in a car.
42:04Actually, you couldn't sell this to an American.
42:06You wouldn't fit.
42:07I mean, I don't.
42:08There's nowhere for my left leg.
42:10There's nowhere for my head.
42:12You have to remember that underneath everything, this is basically a Jaguar XJS.
42:17It's a 30-year-old design.
42:20And how much are they charging for all this?
42:23£104,000.
42:28It's time, therefore, to tuck the DB7 up in bed with a nice mug of cocoa and let Jaguar make that brilliant XKRR instead.
42:38Except for one tiny detail.
42:46This GT version is not just a cynical marketing exercise.
42:52It's not just a beard to cover up the wrinkles.
42:56What it is, is amazing.
42:58It may be cramped, old and expensive, but it is epic fun.
43:22The old DB7 was never that much cop to drive, but in this they've been through it with a fine tooth comb, changing just about everything.
43:33Rear wishbones, damper settings, they've stiffened up the bushes at the front, and I cannot tell you, I cannot stress enough just how much of an improvement it is.
43:44It's not just better than the old DB7, I don't know of any other car which offers such an intoxicating blend of grip, handling, and surprisingly, ride comfort.
44:00Oh, and there's something else in the mix as well.
44:04Power!
44:14God, it's fast!
44:15Sounds good, too.
44:20Listen to this.
44:30The 6-litre V12 is more powerful than you get in a normal DB7, and then there's its party piece.
44:37Into something new.
44:40Let me show you something.
44:43I'm going to stop, put it into fourth gear, and off we go.
44:48Sets off five, in fourth, foot hard down, and we're now going 40 miles an hour, 50 miles an hour, 60 miles an hour, 70, 80, really into its stride now, 90, 100, really gathering pace.
45:03Still in fourth, I haven't changed, 120, 130 miles an hour, 135, we're on the rev limiter, that's nought to 135 in one gear.
45:21For the last few years, the DB7's been an aging rocker, still trying to cut it in a Coldplay MP3 world of Porsche 911s and Foo Fighter Ferraris.
45:34But now, thanks to a cocktail of Botox and Viagra, it's up there, with the best of them.
45:42What a car!
45:43Oh no.
45:44The thing is, I really don't like all these sort of bumps and louvers they've put on it, so I had a Wizard Wheeze, like Boris Johnson has.
45:55Anyway, what you should do, buy a used DB7 V12, okay? Take it to Aston Martin, and I've checked, they can do this, they will put the GT suspension stuff on it, and then you can have one of these, they can do the engine as well if you want.
46:08I mean, that's brilliant.
46:09So how much does that cost then, Joey?
46:11Well, I used DB7s around about, I don't know, 60, got a good one, and then 10 to 12,000 for the suspension, and another 10, you don't really need it, for the engine.
46:20That's brilliant.
46:21Is that your idea of a used car tip? Say what you've done is take a really expensive car and turn it into, well, it's still a really expensive car, it's 80 grand.
46:30It's all part of the Top Gear service, as of course is our lap, so it's time to pump up the steg, see how fast you can make it go round.
46:39So, away he goes, ooh, lots of wheelspin there, and up to the first corner, 6 litre V12 working hard.
46:51Mmm, Stiggy's in a mellow mood, I think, today. Now, down to Chicago. Tidy.
47:00Last week he had the Alpina Z8, it was rubbish on the road, set a blistering time round our track.
47:08The Aston probably going to be the other way round, look at it in the hammerhead.
47:11It's that soft suspension, makes it so good on the road.
47:13Oh, that is really mad driving from the Stig.
47:17Not sure it's going to be fast here, that's what worries me.
47:21That is very fast through the follow through.
47:25Down to the penultimate bend, sliding all over the place.
47:28Ooh, Stig, come on, up to Gamble, lurching in several different directions here.
47:35And across the line in one minute, 30.4 seconds.
47:40Ooh, that's actually very quick, and do you know what?
47:43Aston Martin reckoned it would have gone even quicker, but it had a full tank of fuel, and that slowed it up a bit.
47:48But that puts it there, it's faster than an Audi S4, just behind the As-1.
47:52And behind the Alpina, but I don't care, because as road cars go, that's one of the best I've driven in years.
47:56Now, who'd like to see the XKRR do a lap?
48:02Yes!
48:04So would we.
48:05Trouble is, since I drove it, it's been back to Jaguar, and for reasons I don't fully understand, they've been fiddling with the rear suspension.
48:10So, when we rang them up and said, can we have it back for the Stig to do a lap, they said, well, yes, but it's handling at the moment like a greasy weasel.
48:19And they said they didn't think the Stig would want to drive it in that state.
48:23And they probably have a point, he wouldn't have done.
48:27If we'd have told him.
48:30Here he comes now, down the first corner.
48:33Getting himself all, oh, look at it already!
48:39Come on, Stig, try to stay with it.
48:41And that's a full 360 from the Stig!
48:49Across the line!
48:52Backwards!
48:54Good old Stig.
48:56Now, on that multi-directional bombshell, I'm afraid we've got to go.
49:03But, we'll see you next week.
49:04Good night, bye!
49:05Hit the road again this coming Sunday, and again next Tuesday at the same time.
49:15Well, next on BBC Prime is beauty in the eye of the beholder.
49:19John Cleese masks more secrets of the human face.
49:35He got mad at the pięćio signs.
49:37Backwards!
49:38Let's check outside at the same time.
49:40What a huge dang force has to go, and comment this one!
49:44Which means?
49:45We are gonna Lawrence step.
49:47Butите, we'll hang on with beautiful boobs from beach sun, and I can see you.
49:50As a century of yetter, we'll see you.
49:54The crecables are complete.
49:57The Sarah Carla Foote stand.
49:59How are the pretty bad people?
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