- 5 months ago
First broadcast 30th December 1983.
Dennis finds it difficult keeping his relationship with the site receptionist, Dagmar, a secret from the rest of the lads. Meanwhile, Wayne attempts to teach Barry the art of pulling women.
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Brigitte Kahn - Dagmar
Roz Freeman-Atwood - German Couple (as Rosamond Attwood)
Ingo Mogendorf - German Couple
Kenneth Owens - Floor Clerk
Jenny Eclair - Room Service Waitress (as Jenny-Clare Hargreaves)
Ray Knight - Barman
Dennis finds it difficult keeping his relationship with the site receptionist, Dagmar, a secret from the rest of the lads. Meanwhile, Wayne attempts to teach Barry the art of pulling women.
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Brigitte Kahn - Dagmar
Roz Freeman-Atwood - German Couple (as Rosamond Attwood)
Ingo Mogendorf - German Couple
Kenneth Owens - Floor Clerk
Jenny Eclair - Room Service Waitress (as Jenny-Clare Hargreaves)
Ray Knight - Barman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I used all my options, worked off my dues
00:14Played all the cards, now there's nothing to lose
00:19Don't want tomorrow to be like today
00:23That's why I'm breaking away
00:26I'm trying to run, I'm trying to hide
00:32Walking in the wind if I'm losing my pride
00:36Won't let tomorrow be like today
00:40That's why I'm breaking away
00:43Ooh, breaking away
00:48Got to find a better way
00:52Until the good times are all around the head
00:58I'll feed the day
01:02Oh, we're in
01:09This ain't for you sleepyhead
01:26What's the time?
01:30Nine o'clock thereabouts
01:32And it's come round again, hasn't it?
01:34Never fails
01:34The weekend, me old fruit
01:37Once again, we can put on some clean gear
01:39And join the human race
01:40I find weekends are most depressing
01:45Not me
01:48Weekends are the hardest part
01:52What's wrong with them?
02:14They're very comfy, you know
02:16Yeah, they're hardly the height of fashion, are they?
02:19I like them
02:20I suppose if you're in there, I'd better make other arrangements, eh?
02:26Yeah, I think you're better
02:27I think it's the Sower Kralt
02:29Yeah, I can play havoc with a bloke's system, I can
02:33Hey, I've got a job for you
02:36No, not before breakfast, Mopsy, please
02:38Oh, no, it's really good, this
02:40It's about this Irishman, you know
02:42And he's dead sick about all the Irish jokes going around
02:45You know, being Irish himself, like
02:46So he decides he's going to take English lessons
02:49You know, learn how to speak English proper
02:51Oh, like what you do, is that it, eh?
02:53Oh, come on, it's really good
02:55After a few weeks, he's lacking he's good enough, you know
02:58To go out from the world and try it out
03:00So he goes into this shop
03:01And he says to the bloke behind the counter
03:04He says, I'll have a copy of the telegraph
03:06One of the Observer
03:08And one of the Times
03:09And the bloke behind the counter says
03:12You're Irish, aren't you?
03:14And the Irishman says, how do you know that?
03:17He says, this is a fish and ship shop
03:19Do you get it?
03:25I thought it was funny
03:27Hey, do you hear the one about the bloke
03:31Who swallowed his glass, are you?
03:39I've forgotten the riser
03:46Where is everybody?
03:50Well, Mum has gone fishing
03:52We're a couple of the Eryx
03:53Yeah?
03:54Yeah, Barry's working on the bike
03:55Moxley's on the bug
03:58So I wouldn't make any plans
04:00Apart from you
04:00Where's Dennis?
04:05I saw Dennis a bit earlier
04:06Earlier?
04:07I woke us up
04:10Clumped around
04:11Where was he going?
04:15I don't know
04:15He had a roll-up towel under his arm
04:17But he had all his clothes on
04:19Yeah?
04:21I looked like he was going swimming
04:22Dant swimming
04:24Well, he wasn't going sunbathing, was he?
04:27Not in this crap hole
04:28Any time to go?
04:31I kept us on
04:32Hey, I was
04:34What a great idea
04:36Swimming
04:38I never thought of it
04:39Let's go into the baths, eh?
04:42What for?
04:43Well, a bit of change, wouldn't it?
04:45A bit of exercise
04:46Well, something to do, at least
04:49I've got to go and get me washing, man
04:54Aye, OK, but after, let's go into the baths
04:56Well, it's something to do, isn't it?
05:00Well, we could do, I haven't got a cotty
05:04Well, we'll stop off in the town and buy them
05:06Oh, that kettle
05:10So the doctor says
05:12I can't see a thing
05:14And the bloke says
05:20That's funny
05:21That's funny
05:21Because I can see you very clearly
05:23Oh, yes
05:24Very weak, son
05:25Very drow
05:25I still prefer the first one myself, though
05:28It's funny how Dennis never said anything
05:30Aye, a cagey lad, Den
05:34He likes to play everything close to the chest
05:36It's been even worse lately
05:38You know, he was going out Thursday night
05:41And I said to him, just casual, like
05:43Where you off to, Den?
05:44Tells us to mind my own business
05:46Still fretting about his divorce, man
05:49Oh, no, it wasn't that
05:51No, he wasn't doing a moody or anything
05:53In fact, he was quite chipper
05:54That's why I was so took back
05:56He's not really one of the lads, Den, man
06:01He's too straight-laced
06:03Says he wants to get his own place
06:05Says if we've got to stop on here
06:07He's going to find himself a flat
06:09Says he cannot stand this hut anymore
06:12What's wrong with this place?
06:19That's why he's just calling me
06:24No, no, no, no, no, no
06:28No, no, no, no, no, no
06:37Where the lads go?
06:49Swimming, can you believe, eh?
06:51That's a good idea.
06:52Why?
06:53It's exercise, isn't it?
06:54It's madness, son.
06:56Madness.
06:57That's nuts.
07:00But Ned, he's into all them old things, isn't he?
07:04Tried to get me jogging the other week.
07:06I says, no way.
07:08Told him what happened to my brother-in-law.
07:10What did happen?
07:11Well, he's into all that, isn't he?
07:13You know, running, weights, callous-bleeding phoenix,
07:16whatever they call it.
07:18Mind you, you've got to bear in mind the bloke's a bit of a nutter.
07:21Otherwise, he wouldn't have married my sister, would he?
07:23I don't know your sister, do I?
07:25Ah, and you're well out of it, aren't you, son?
07:28Anyhow, he goes jogging every weekend, doesn't he?
07:31Got all the gear and that, you know,
07:32the Adidas track suit, headband.
07:34That's what I said to him, I says,
07:36you'll do yourself an injury, you will.
07:38I was right, weren't I?
07:41How do you mean?
07:42Well, he only tries to jog across a red light
07:45at Catford roundabout, doesn't he?
07:48Got hit by a jug and all bound for the A2 to Dover.
07:51Love, I nearly bought me own beer.
07:54I don't think that's a good enough reason
07:55for denigrating exercise.
07:57There's a lesson to be learnt somewhere, though.
07:59I mean, if God had meant us to go jogging every day,
08:03how come we weren't born wearing plimsolls, eh?
08:06Oh, but it's as good an hobby as any, isn't it?
08:09I think you need an hobby,
08:11especially out here with enough all else to do.
08:13Look, I've got an hobby,
08:15one which I'll pursue with great diligence and dedication.
08:19Oh, what's that?
08:20Skirt.
08:23Skirt?
08:23No, I think of hobbies as things like,
08:27you know, things like making more later planes
08:30or collecting butterflies,
08:31beer mats, things like that.
08:33Yeah, well, Barry,
08:34that's because you're a bit of a radish, isn't it?
08:37No, I'm not.
08:39Well, I mean, you don't show much inclination
08:42to jump the opposite sex, do you?
08:43Neither of you.
08:48Hey, that's not because I lack the inclination, you know.
08:51Well, it's because I was very badly let down
08:53by a girl from Runcorn.
08:55Well, besides which,
08:56you can't get out much, can you?
08:57I mean, you spend half your life
08:59insulting the bloody porcelain.
09:07I think you're right, Wayne.
09:10My education does lack a thing or two
09:12in, you know, in that direction.
09:15Do you think, er...
09:17Do you think you could give me one or two chips?
09:21You give us a lift into town, son,
09:26and you're on.
09:27Smart, that.
09:27All right, Boston.
09:38Hey, she'll wear something on your head, you know.
09:40What, it'll look like you.
09:42You can be very rude, you can't, Wayne.
09:44Well, that helmet ain't gonna help your chances,
09:46is it, son?
09:47Yeah?
09:47Hey, talk of the witch.
10:00Copper.
10:03Oh, Stagmore, nice lady.
10:05Yeah, very tasty, mate.
10:07I never really noticed her before.
10:09No, keep yourself to herself.
10:10Come on.
10:12Head her off.
10:14No, it's less than one, is it?
10:15Yeah, come on.
10:26Hello there.
10:30Put in some overtime, eh?
10:32We with her?
10:33Well, you don't normally work on Saturdays, do you?
10:36Sometimes.
10:36Accounts.
10:37Yeah?
10:37I'd have thought a girl like you'd have better things to do than accounts.
10:40I'd have thought a girl like you'd be spending Saturdays at home with their boyfriend,
10:44you know, because a girl like you has got a boyfriend, doesn't you, eh?
10:48Perhaps.
10:49Eh?
10:49Only perhaps, eh?
10:51Still a chance, eh?
10:54Look, if I were you, I would not live in hope.
11:00It's so bloody funny, eh?
11:02What?
11:03Come on, let's go.
11:04All right.
11:04Well, I'll just push.
11:05We'll just be able to.
11:06I just wanna put your body on the ground in, especially yours.
11:07I've got the best to.
11:07I want to.
11:08I can't.
11:08I want to.
11:09I want to.
11:09I want to.
11:09You must be able to.
11:10I want to.
11:10I want to.
11:11I want to.
11:11Go, go.
11:12And now on, I'll just go.
11:13I'll just go.
11:14Go, go, go.
11:14Go, go, go.
11:14Go, go, go, go, go, go.
11:15Go, go, go.
11:16Go, go.
11:16Go, go.
11:17Go, go, go.
11:18You have been shopping?
11:42Yeah, new socks, shirts, dry cleaning.
11:46They have like a housewife doing a certain morning shopping.
11:49Do you also make your food in your quarters?
11:52Quarters? It's more like barracks.
11:55Yeah, or cook.
11:57Well, it's not exactly horde cuisine.
11:59Oh, but it's fun, eh?
12:01Nah, I find it pathetic.
12:03Living in a wooden hut at my edge with a bunch of lunatics.
12:06Yes. I just talked to two of them.
12:09Oh, yeah?
12:11When I was leaving, I think I was being...
12:14I mean, what do you say?
12:16Victor?
12:17Eh, that wouldn't surprise me.
12:19Hey, God knows what they'd say for the new hours with you.
12:22You're not going to tell them?
12:24Certainly not.
12:27Look, unlike that lot, I like to keep things to meself.
12:32I think you and me should be a closely guarded secret,
12:36especially as you work on the site.
12:38I see.
12:39You are ashamed of me.
12:41Hmm?
12:42Right.
12:43Ah!
12:44Ah!
12:48Ah!
12:49Ah!
12:51Ah!
12:53Ah!
12:55Ah!
12:56Ah!
13:01Ah!
13:02Ah!
13:03Ah!
13:04In the sexual jungle...
13:06You're a predator you are, Wayne.
13:08I work alone, if that's what you mean.
13:10Don't go in mob-handed like the lads.
13:12Then all they do is booze and talk about it.
13:14By the time they've worked up the nerve to do something,
13:16they're all too incapable.
13:18Have you no desire to form a permanent attachment?
13:21I'll have to one day, though.
13:23Well, maybe.
13:25I got engaged once.
13:27I think I still am, in fact.
13:29But don't you know?
13:31Well, I never broke it off officially, though.
13:35She's still got the ring.
13:37Do you still see her?
13:39No.
13:40Would you write?
13:41No.
13:42Does she write to you?
13:44No.
13:46Do you care?
13:47No, I don't like her very much.
13:50Why'd you get frigging engaged, then?
13:52Forgot.
13:54I think it was cos her dad had a spare season ticket
13:57for the Wolverhampton Wanderers.
13:59Oh, well, obviously.
14:01I mean, that could make a young lad's heart sing, couldn't it?
14:04No.
14:06I'm...
14:11Am I...
14:13Am I really a... a radish, Wayne?
14:16Oh, I don't have an identity crisis.
14:19Not on me day off.
14:20Time's slipping by.
14:21Well, if I'm in your way, I'll just...
14:23No, I said I'd fix this up, didn't I?
14:25Just bide your time.
14:26No need to panic.
14:27What you've got to realise is there's thousands of them out there.
14:30I mean, birds are like the Chinese army.
14:33Once you've jumped a few, you think that's it for a while.
14:36And this whole new battalion comes over the hill.
14:38I only want one.
14:40Yeah, well, that's where you and me differ, son.
14:42I want the luck.
14:43I've never been that ambitious meself.
14:45Harry.
14:46I think our prayers have just been answered.
14:48How do you mind?
14:49Behind you.
14:50Don't look now.
14:51Show some cool.
14:52Oh, nice.
14:53Oh, nice.
14:54Oh, I...
15:09Very, uh, pretty tasty.
15:12What do we do now?
15:14Not us, son.
15:15You.
15:16Me?
15:17No, you're the one that's got to prove himself.
15:19Sooner or later you have to show what you're made of.
15:22now we've already had a flash have we yeah when they came in bit of the old eye contact
15:28halfway there aren't we now remember don't go promising them the world all right i'll go for
15:33all that boring preamble just get straight to the point get a dazzling repartee right straight to the
15:39point hello uh would you like to come back to our hoods
16:09hey you're on some swimmer aren't you at school i was even better i won many prizes did you win a
16:25prize for english too oh yes of course just as well isn't i wouldn't have much to say to each other
16:31i'll just teach you german oh hey i might have to be around a long time for that so
16:37suits me i don't believe it
16:51is it what what would you come here well i've seen you leave them with your phone so we're working out
16:56ah terrific
17:01wow dennis
17:07hey isn't that the time from the office oh hi hey it's that man oh yeah she uh
17:16apparently she uh comes here and look like you know just uh bump into her just a coincidence like
17:21oh well then get yourself in there man it's lovely
17:29hey it's a great idea this done
17:30isn't it nice
17:32well i can't understand why you never told you what come
17:35i'm gonna be stuck the mud up to that swimmer you'll probably be sick and all you saw it half the pool
17:44how you kind of get chlorine poisoning can you all right it's usually fatal how fatal what do you mean how fatal
17:53what do you mean how fatal fatal fatal fatal fatal fatal fatal you're like you're like dead aren't you
18:11how long do you think i've got a matter of hours i reckon before writhing and agonizing convulsions
18:19can't talk to your body we'll better sup up then
18:20give us another uh right for you yeah
18:32just somebody
18:32i gathered that look it's personal business neville right
18:36i'm very sorry i'm sure didn't mean the prior even around here it is possible to want some privacy
18:42In fact, it's essential if you want to stay sane.
18:45Yeah, I've got you one in.
18:48Mate, cheers.
18:49Is that why you're wanting to ship out?
18:51I suppose it is, aye.
18:53I can't understand it, me. When we came, you were all good mates, weren't we?
18:56Look, the best way to stay, mates, is not to get on top of each other, isn't it?
19:00Well, there's nobody in the hut I want to get on top of.
19:03You're funny, funny.
19:04I mean, I wouldn't mind hunting that Dagmar.
19:07You wouldn't.
19:08Oh, it's looked nice in that bikini, didn't you?
19:10Hey, big bristles and big strong thighs.
19:14What's up, Dan?
19:15Nothing.
19:17Look, I've got to get off. I'm going into town, right?
19:22It's a matter of him. He hasn't even drank his beer.
19:24He's in a ride mode, isn't he?
19:26Well, it's not the way he's said, is it?
19:40Look, I'm going in here.
19:52Oh, you're dumping me, is that it?
19:53Now, look, I've just got to get some things.
19:56I said I'm sorry, didn't I?
19:58Do you want to come back to our...
19:59Listen, we'll stick it out, but I have got to get some things.
20:10Now, pick us up back here in 20 minutes, OK?
20:12Oh, great, right, yeah.
20:13Oh, again. Small world, isn't it?
20:39Yes. Yes, it seems so.
20:43Oh, look, I'm sorry if my friend was a bit forward this morning.
20:46He don't mean nothing. It's just his way, you know.
20:53Are you, uh, waiting for a friend, then?
20:57Yes.
20:57Hey, drive on. Fuckin' she loose.
21:18Oh, well, I, uh, better be off, then.
21:21Good. I mean, goodbye.
21:24What's her offer a bit?
21:27I don't think your friends are following us around, do they?
21:54Yeah, what's Barry doing here?
21:57I don't know.
22:02Perhaps it was just a coincidence.
22:04Well, I did warn you.
22:07Look, maybe we should not try.
22:10Well, try what?
22:12I'm making this a secret.
22:14Why can't you tell your friends I'm being with Dagmar
22:17and it is none of your business?
22:18No, no.
22:19Look, look.
22:21I happen to need something that's some relationship or whatever that's just mine.
22:27It's got no to do with it.
22:28Also, I'm, I'm doing this for you.
22:33For me?
22:34Yeah.
22:36Look, look, I don't want you to be the object of their,
22:40I don't want to hear them talking about you
22:45the way they talk about other women.
22:48But I don't care how they talk about me.
22:50Well, I'll do.
23:14Hey, there is a God, Barry.
23:16Come in.
23:16Oh, my goodness, here, hostesses.
23:20Stewardesses, they call themselves nowadays, you nook.
23:25Evening.
23:26Do you speak English?
23:27Yes.
23:29I thought you would in your job.
23:30Where are you from?
23:31Sweden.
23:32Sweden?
23:34I thought you were Swedish.
23:36Something about your flawless complexion told me that.
23:39Well, yes, but what do you want?
23:41Me? Oh, nothing.
23:42It's just that me and me chauffeur here
23:44are sort of strangers in a foreign land,
23:46much like yourselves.
23:48Only we were feeling very depressed
23:50and caught a glimpse of you two and it, well,
23:54sort of lifted our hearts.
23:57Yes, what?
23:58Made us feel glad all over.
24:01What's happening?
24:03It's hard to tell, son.
24:04We're dealing here with a Swedish mentality,
24:06which is pretty unscrutable at the best of times.
24:09Yeah, I'm amazing.
24:11I'm cool.
24:11You're very flattered that you feel this way.
24:15We're away, son.
24:16Follow that car.
24:19Come on.
24:20All righty, all right.
24:23The lights have changed.
24:24Oh, no.
24:26Bloody hell.
24:27Freaking radish, Barry.
24:28Stop calling me that place.
24:29You've lost them.
24:41I took a lift.
24:43If you lose them, I'll aim for you, Barry.
24:45I'll spare it.
24:46I'll aim for you.
24:47I'll take a shortcut.
24:48Ow.
24:49I've got to cross there, look.
24:51Yeah, well, be careful then.
24:52Oh, shit, I'm fucking close.
25:01Ah!
25:13See?
25:14Overnight stop, innit?
25:15Oh, should we go in, then, or what?
25:17Go in?
25:18You see, in the state of us, we look like a pair of motocross riders.
25:21Oh.
25:22I suppose we'd better go back and get cleaned up, then, eh?
25:24Right.
25:25We shall return.
25:27All right.
25:27You seem a bit more cheery.
25:37What's that level?
25:38You seem in a better mood.
25:40Oh.
25:42Didn't realise that I was, er, in a bad one.
25:45Well, you've hardly been the life and soul the last few days.
25:48Been very...
25:49distant.
25:52Oh, sorry.
25:54Oh, it's OK.
25:55I understand.
25:58It's because of beer and the divorce and that, isn't it?
26:02But, you know, I've been thinking.
26:06I mean, I can't talk to you personally, can't I, Dan?
26:11Yeah, you're going to tell me something that my best friends won't, eh?
26:14No, I...
26:15It's just that...
26:17Well, I know where you're at.
26:21And you know what I think would be the best thing for you?
26:23What?
26:25A woman.
26:27A woman.
26:28Aye.
26:28I'm not just a stump.
26:30I mean a nice woman.
26:32Somebody you can communicate with.
26:34Somebody that would share common interests.
26:37You mean, er, a woman pretty?
26:38Oh, and why wouldn't you take us seriously?
26:42I'm saying this out of friendship for you, man.
26:44Because you helped me out when I was depressed.
26:47Look, I'm sorry, Dave.
26:48I mean, I appreciate that.
26:48And it isn't as if I haven't given it a lot of thought.
26:51No, no.
26:52Obviously.
26:53See, I think you should leave your past behind.
26:56Find yourself a nice girl over here.
26:58You see, you're still a young man, you know, Dennis.
27:02Aye.
27:02Aye, bonnie lad, you've probably hit the nail right on the head.
27:06Aye, well, what a mate's for, eh?
27:13Aye, what, er, what have I already had?
27:16Had what?
27:18Found myself a nice lass.
27:20Oh, come on.
27:22I know you too well, then.
27:26Oh, sorry, then.
27:28Sorry, then.
27:29Sorry.
27:31Oh, you're getting nuts, Dave?
27:32Pull in, son.
27:33Unbelievable, they're bloody Swedish girls.
27:36Swedish?
27:37Yeah, stewardesses.
27:38Need I say any more?
27:39No, I think the term they prefer these days is quite a tender, didn't it?
27:42Because apparently they regard the term stewardesses sexist.
27:45Never mind the terminology, son.
27:47Just find yourself a clean shirt.
27:48Right.
27:50Where are you going to meet them?
27:51Well, you know, we ain't got a date.
27:53Well, exactly.
27:54But we're meeting them at the NG Continental.
27:56They stay in there.
27:57Yeah.
27:57And we're going to steam right in there, son.
27:59Now, then, which cologne is guaranteed to send your average Scandinavian into a frenzy?
28:06And then, you know what he said?
28:07He said, come on, Dennis.
28:08I know you too well.
28:11So they do not see you as a woman chaser?
28:14Well, I'm not.
28:17Maybe I should say I didn't used to be.
28:19I'm obviously making up for it there in me old age.
28:22But you deserve it.
28:25And you know something?
28:27Me too.
28:30Yeah.
28:31It still feels a bit strange, though.
28:34Strange?
28:35Well, you know, you, me, hotel.
28:38Oh, but it's a very nice hotel.
28:41And you and I are very nice people.
28:44Oh, come on.
28:49I have to go and take a shower now.
28:51And you better reserve for the dining room.
28:53Right.
29:01I'll get some drinks sent up.
29:14Hey, boss.
29:22Shh.
29:23Quiet, son.
29:24Big score coming up here.
29:25Weezy, parry?
29:25Shh.
29:26Whoa, man.
29:26I'm nearly on five and a half million, man.
29:30They just pulled two Swedish air hostesses.
29:34Air hostesses?
29:35Swedish ones.
29:40Here, I'll make you all get a beer.
29:42Do you want one?
29:42All right.
29:43I mean, I can understand Wayne, but Barry.
29:48Two bottles of pearls you had, Adolf.
29:50Yeah.
29:52Jammy Arabs, yeah?
29:53How'd they manage that?
29:54Well, they haven't exactly nailed them yet.
29:56But they know they're stopping at the Intercontinental,
29:58so they're going round there on the off chance.
30:00Ah, well, it's hardly guaranteed, is it?
30:01Aye.
30:02I suppose not.
30:05Aye, they'll probably hang around in the bar there all night there for note,
30:08then come back and spin some extravagant tea for our benefit.
30:11Aye, aye.
30:12That's them.
30:13Hang on a minute.
30:19So you reckon they'll just be sitting in the bar on the off chance,
30:22hanging around waiting?
30:23Aren't you?
30:23Right, let's get them.
30:25What?
30:26Set them up?
30:27Oh?
30:27Well, stroke I pulled a hotel in Sheffield one time.
30:32It was a night before Newcastle played Burnley in the semis.
30:35Hey, what a game that was, kidder.
30:36Oh, supermax scored twice.
30:39And on the way back was smashed this little chef up on you, won't it?
30:42Well, they've been wrecked.
30:42Ah, you've never made that, man.
30:43What was the stunt?
30:44Bye.
30:45Right, follow me.
30:50Right.
30:50What are we going to do, then?
30:56Just to sit here all night on the off chance or what?
31:00Just bide your time.
31:02I'll think of something.
31:03Your residence, son?
31:16Yeah, uh, but I'll pay cash.
31:20Keeps it changing.
31:21What do you say that for?
31:34We're not staying here.
31:37Yeah, but we could be if things work out.
31:39Oh, we don't look like residents.
31:41Especially if you're there cutting earring.
31:44Well, they'll think we're roadies.
31:46Oh, I've had a chance.
31:47Leave it out, will you?
31:48Have a drink.
31:51Hello?
31:58Yep.
31:59Hello, Intercontinental?
32:00Yes.
32:01Hello?
32:02Yes.
32:02Can you get a message, please, to Mr Wayne Norris?
32:06Yeah, Herr Norris.
32:07Yes.
32:08He'll be in the ball.
32:10Yes.
32:11And the message is that he's expected immediately.
32:15Yep.
32:16Immediately in room 612.
32:20Yes.
32:20That's it.
32:23Dankeschön.
32:24That'll wind them up.
32:30Hey, hey, hey.
32:31Hey.
32:32Mr Norris?
32:33Uh-huh.
32:34Telephone for you, please.
32:41Hello, Norris.
32:42How did I know we were here?
33:07I don't know.
33:08Must have clocked us, son, eh?
33:09Seen us come in or sitting there.
33:11Who cares, son?
33:12They're up there eagerly awaiting us, aren't they?
33:15Right.
33:17Do I look all right?
33:19Do you have to wear that jacket?
33:22No, look.
33:22Don't undermine me confidence.
33:24Not now, for Christ's sake.
33:25Look, you're adorable, son.
33:27Adorable.
33:28Right.
33:28Strangers in the night, exchanging our souls.
33:40Look, come this way.
33:42This way.
33:47Yeah.
33:50Yeah.
33:50All right.
33:53602.
33:55604.
33:58603.
33:59Where's the odds?
34:00Yeah.
34:02606.
34:05All right.
34:06Evening.
34:07Evening.
34:12608.
34:14I will be finished soon.
34:16No, there's no rush, Pat.
34:20Where the hell's the bloody room service?
34:31What are those drinks the edges of good?
34:32I'll go.
34:49Dagmar, just stay in there.
34:51Don't come out.
34:52What?
34:52Shh.
34:53Just stay in there, please.
34:56Shit.
35:02Sorry.
35:06Hey, dear.
35:06What are you doing here, then, Dan?
35:08Well, I just, uh, I fancied a weekend on me own, you know.
35:11Thought I'd, uh, check into a hotel.
35:13Strangely, did you?
35:14Well, well, not really.
35:15I mean, it's, uh, it's warm and comfortable,
35:17and I've got me own bathroom.
35:19It's a change from the hut, isn't it?
35:20Shugan, see, let's hear.
35:21Oh, nice.
35:21Isn't the hotel guest, eh?
35:23Uh, look, look, get us out of this, then, will you?
35:25Bail us out of.
35:26Uh, what's the problem, squire?
35:27We're visiting a friend, aren't we?
35:29Eh?
35:29Oh, these gentlemen are with you?
35:32Uh, yes, yeah.
35:34Oh, I am sorry.
35:36All right.
35:36All right.
35:49Nice room, Dan.
35:52It's, uh...
35:54Ah, yeah, it's very well appointed, isn't it?
35:56You know what, Dan, you've got a point, you have.
35:58Yeah, bit of luxury of a weekend, bit of privacy, eh?
36:01If I had a chance of that, well, you two, yeah?
36:02What are you two doing in this hotel?
36:04Well, we're about to get it together with these two stewardesses, see.
36:07Right darlings, eh, are you?
36:08Oh, Swedish.
36:09Yeah, and they're staying here, see, three doors down.
36:11They paced us, and, uh, we're about to do the business, aren't we, Bats?
36:14Oh, I shouldn't think, you know, straight off, Wade.
36:16I should imagine we'd have to brag to us, you know,
36:19a bit of charm, a few drinks.
36:22Well, eh, I wouldn't keep the ladies waiting if I was you, eh?
36:24Yeah, well, just wait till that nosy-hear it pisses off, eh?
36:26Oh.
36:28Ah, here, then.
36:30Why don't you come with us, eh?
36:31Yeah.
36:32Yeah.
36:33About to have a couple of mates.
36:34Obviously, all the air crews stay here, right?
36:37So the place must be crawling with uniform cramping.
36:39Look, I've told you, I just want to have a bit of time on me, Jack, you know.
36:42Feeling a bit depressed, are you?
36:44No, no, I just have to sort a few things out.
36:46Ah, you need your own space, as they say.
36:49Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't mind, Barry, yes.
36:51You can't mean to tell me, mate,
36:53that you'd rather sit in a lonely hotel room watching poxy German TV
36:57and go down the road there and strump some Nordic nymphs...
37:00Look, Rads, the course must be clear by now.
37:01I mean, why don't you just push off, leave me be, OK?
37:04Yeah, suit yourself, son.
37:07But, er, this offer will not be repeated, you know.
37:10Yeah.
37:11Then, obviously, it wishes to be alive.
37:13Bingo!
37:14It sunk in at last.
37:17Ah, danke.
37:27Unterschreiben Sie bitte.
37:29Yeah.
37:34Eh, danke.
37:37Danke.
37:38Guten Abend.
37:40Eh, eh, eh, eh, you're a slow one, you old mate, eh?
37:43He's got an assignation, Barry, eh?
37:46He's got another party coming.
37:47Obviously!
37:48Oh, yeah!
37:50Oh, dear old Jenny!
37:51Why don't you two just bugger off, man?
37:54Yeah, all right.
37:55You know.
37:55Come on, tell us.
37:57Look, when?
37:57Who is she?
37:58To your mate.
37:58It's not that Dagmar, is it?
38:02Why the hell would it be her?
38:04Well, she seems to like you.
38:05Oh!
38:06I mean, it's the old welcome, Matt, for you when you come in the office.
38:09It's a cold shoulder for the rest of us, isn't it?
38:11Well, Wayne tried it on this morning, nothing doing.
38:13I did not try it on, son, all right?
38:15I was just, you know, being a bit conversational.
38:17But once and for all, right, I'm not expecting anybody, right?
38:20I want a night in on me own, right?
38:22I've ordered two drinks to save ringing up room service.
38:25You're the pair that's on the pull, so I suggest you get on with it before your Swedish birds go off the boil, right?
38:32Yeah, all right.
38:34Not a fence, squire.
38:37Oh, yes.
38:39It's only a bit of fun, then.
38:41Yeah, yeah.
38:42Oh, OK.
38:43No fence.
38:44Anyway, we know you wouldn't be on the pull, because we know how you feel about your Vera.
38:55You can come out now.
39:20You can come out now.
39:22I suppose you heard all that.
39:29Of course.
39:32Well, what can I say?
39:36There's a drink there.
39:38How did they know about us?
39:39They didn't.
39:40They mentioned my name.
39:41That was a shot in the dark.
39:43You said you didn't want them to know about us.
39:45They didn't.
39:45I suppose you don't believe me, yeah?
39:50I suppose you picture us all in that hut, boasting our sexual conquests or confiding in our fantasies.
39:57I don't blame you.
39:58That's what it's like most of the time.
40:00Yes, I can just imagine it.
40:03Look, Wayne's remark about you was sheer speculation it was just a coincidence.
40:08Another one?
40:09Who is Vera?
40:19She's my wife.
40:21Oh.
40:24Look, look, she would just call it a dear.
40:27I mean, she would just forget it.
40:29Well, I came here because I wanted to be with you.
40:39But I still want to.
40:43Thanks.
40:45Come here.
40:48Come.
40:50You've knocked long enough.
40:52There's no one there.
40:54Well, I must be in the shower or something, you know?
40:57Together.
40:58Swedish, isn't they?
41:00Very liberated, you sweet son.
41:02Oh.
41:03My cousin Norma's very liberated, you know.
41:05She's always walking around the house stark naked.
41:09I said to her, you know, this is her counsellor, just outside Wolverhampton, you know.
41:12I said, you could lose this house, you could, you know, flaunting yourself the way you do.
41:17Eric, that's her husband.
41:18He don't know because he works nights and he's not...
41:21Shh!
41:22I can hear something.
41:24Are they there, are they?
41:27I'm a professional, I'm a professional.
41:31I'm a professional.
41:32Ah, I've been all over the last six months of my life.
41:33I'm a professional.
41:33I'm a professional.
41:34I've been all over the last six months of my life.
41:35What's going on?
41:40That's the club.
41:41No.
41:42Come on.
41:43No.
41:44Do you have any more?
41:45No.
41:46No.
41:47No.
41:48No.
41:53Yeah.
41:54About time too.
41:56What have you been doing, darling?
41:57Putting your face on, eh?
41:58What?
41:59What do you want to say?
42:00Speak English, darling.
42:01It's us.
42:02Come on.
42:03I don't mind.
42:04I don't understand anything.
42:05Wayne, are you sure that's one of them, mate?
42:09Yeah, of course it is.
42:10They just look a bit different out of uniform, don't they?
42:12What's going on in the room?
42:14Oh, hello.
42:15We've got company, have we?
42:16What's the matter, darling?
42:17Ain't we enough of you girls, eh?
42:19What's going on here?
42:20No, I don't know them.
42:22Are you sure this is room 612, mate?
42:24What?
42:26Hey, hey, listen, mate.
42:28You don't have to pay us for it.
42:30Wayne, Wayne.
42:31What's going on here, eh?
42:32I mean, we come up here for an innocent liaison, eh?
42:34Wayne, Wayne.
42:35And I find myself in some depraved situation
42:37with some geezer flashing the old reddish.
42:39Wayne.
42:40What is here, a blimmer or something, eh?
42:41Wayne, Wayne.
42:42And where's your mates?
42:43They...
42:44They think that we're muggers.
42:46They what?
42:48We...
42:49We're in the wrong room.
42:51They think that we're muggers.
42:54Bloody hell.
42:56No, it's there.
42:57Why?
42:58Look, if he rings the desk-clark, they'll be waiting and have us.
42:59Right.
43:00Leave it to him.
43:01The desk is so good.
43:02No, it's there.
43:03Why?
43:04Look, if he rings the desk-clark, they'll be waiting and have us.
43:05Right.
43:06Leave it to him.
43:07The desk is so good.
43:08the desk is so good.
43:09The desk is so good.
43:34Come back.
43:35Come back.
43:36Come back, come back.
43:37What floor is this?
43:39I don't know.
43:41Why?
43:42But they can still colour us on the ground floor.
43:44Come on, this way, this way.
43:56Ah, bloody hell.
44:01You obviously have much more experience in this kind of thing than I have.
44:07Mate, I'll tell you one thing.
44:11I'm not going on the pool again with you, mate.
44:13Yeah, I've got a feeling bloody mutual, son.
44:15You're a jinx, you are, Barry.
44:17You're a jinx.
44:23Ready?
44:24What do you mean, ready?
44:26I'm gonna break me bleeding leg.
44:28Now, don't be daft, mate. We're fit enough.
44:30No, we're not. No, we're not.
44:32We might have been if we'd gone jogging or swimming with Nev.
44:34But as you so despise physical exercise, mate...
44:36Leave it out, Barry, will you?
44:37It's not much of a jump.
44:38No.
44:39Not for the SAS, mate, but I don't mean the friggin' airline.
44:42Come on.
44:43It's like Butch and Sundance.
44:44Oh, we know what happened to them, don't we?
44:46Yeah.
44:47You're harmed, isn't it?
44:48Yeah.
44:49I still feel a little bit as if I had to look over my shoulder and round every corner.
45:01Yeah, not to worry.
45:02every corner yeah not to worry they're happily ensconced in there well you and
45:08me have a quiet dinner candlelit with several bottles of wine put the events
45:13of the past firmly behind us
45:16one moment please yeah what can we do with your friends who were here earlier on
45:32what about them we must know who they are why would you come to the manager's office please
45:46that's one
46:16all right Dennis stopped out all night then must have took my advice huh yeah what advice
46:27was this in there I told him you should have a bit of a fling good morning Dennis and where have
46:35you been at oh maybe we shouldn't ask maybe you shouldn't not that it'll make any difference like
46:41I mean news spreads faster than the plague around here what's the problem Lee well ask Abbott and
46:46Costello here oh come on Den it was all after the same thing last night wasn't we I'd say you're a
46:53bit more successful than what we was hey yeah hey look at me ankle it's all puffed up I know all about
46:59you two man I spent an hour in the manager's office explaining who me guests were oh dear do you mean
47:04there were repercussions oh you could say that Barry I mean it was you two who were terrorized
47:09some innocent couple wasn't it you didn't finger us did you no no said you were two blokes I'd met in
47:15the bar but in future you just stay out of my life right so something you two haven't told me
47:30how are you moxie man what are you sell up amount of time you're spending there I'm surprised you
47:38don't move in hey I'm not doing this for pleasure you know what it's a bloody sauerkraut
47:43hold it hold it somebody in there I'm moxie you mate now put your name doing my wood Tuesday
47:52oh thanks I've got to get out of here me tomorrow Nick well those two pricks man Barry and Wayne
47:59totally destroyed my weekend ah well I didn't do their weekend much good me Nick
48:04who's that well I'll tell you all about it this will cheer you up
48:08you dick watch tell us what's got in here man
48:15it's three now
48:26working on the side from morning to night that's living all right that's living all right
48:37then a pint with the boys in a bottle of noise that's living all right that's living all right
48:45working all day for a prince of pay they're blowing on a saturday night
48:51and you kiss the dames but you don't ask their names that's living all right
48:58working in the sun drinking schnapps having fun that's living all right
49:05that's living all right
49:07then a night in the town spreading it around that's living all right
49:13that's living all right
49:15working all day for a packet of pay
49:18and send a little back to the world
49:21still you keep a little hill just to keep you in beer
49:26that's living all right
49:28yeah you play the game then it's happy to say
49:33that's living all right
49:35tell them a lie
49:39with a glimpse in your eye
49:41cause tomorrow you'll be back on the site
49:44and you kiss the dames
49:46but you don't ask their names
49:48that's living all right
49:50yeah you play the game then it's happy to say
49:56that's living all right
49:57you
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