A.W.P. S04 E01. Britannia Waives the Rules.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 3rd January 2004.  Barry is detained for questioning while the rest of the lads return to the UK courtesy of the British Consulate in St Petersburg.  Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson Kevin Whately - Neville Hope Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge Noel Clarke - Wyman Norris Julia Tobin - Brenda Hope Branka Katic - Tatiana Taylor Javier Alcina - Raul Velazquez Sara Stewart - Heather Lane Dominic Jephcott - Colin Vanes Sandra James-Young - Chrissie Caroline Harker - Pru Scott-Johns Yuri Stepanov - Sergei Ribov Thomas Wheatley - Gleeson Gary Lammin - Gus Danielle Davison - Debbie Hope Bridie Hales - Fiona Hope Belinda Chapman - Neighbour Lorelei King - Lecturer Amanda Daniels - Hotel Receptionist Tim Griggs - Purser Victor Gardiner - Suit 1 on Plane Trevor Steedman - Suit 2 on Plane Dolly Garcia - Cuban Guide

Transcript

00:00Thank you for listening.

01:00You finished in the bog?

01:14Find your own bog?

01:17There's a lovely juice, Rob.

01:30I'll give you your hand, lads, but I'm in the wrong union.

01:39Come on, come on.

01:45Home or going home?

01:50Hey, you pack, lads, you know, because we're off the airport soon as we've done the handover.

01:57Yes, I'm all sorted, didn't you?

01:59How are we getting back?

02:01Arrowflop. Heathrow.

02:03Oh, I fancy the night in Moscow, myself, because I reckon it's a roaring place.

02:07This goes as big as Earl's court, and hookers with physics degrees.

02:11I wouldn't go near it.

02:13More likely to get shot than get your leg over.

02:15Why do you need a degree to be a top?

02:17You don't, bollock-brain.

02:18It's just as millions of qualified women in Russia will kind of get a decent paid job.

02:22So...

02:24Why marrying an Englishman is such an attractive proposition?

02:27Oh, are you being approached, are you, Muxy?

02:30No.

02:31Well, eh, no.

02:33Not exactly.

02:35What's not exactly mean?

02:37Means I haven't.

02:38Ah, okay.

02:39No, it's probably just as well.

02:40Didn't do Barry any good, did it?

02:42I bought this book last night as a souvenir.

02:46Look.

02:46The Great Houses of St. Petersburg.

02:49This one's in it.

02:50Look.

02:51Yeah, that's what it looked like before the Revolution.

02:53Ah!

02:54It's just the same now, didn't it, except for the satellite dish.

02:58Yes, it belonged to Count Vladimir something or other.

03:01Evidently, Peter the Great made all his nobles build posh houses here

03:04because he wanted to move the capital closer to Europe.

03:07Is that the one who's married to the nymphomaniac?

03:10No, you're thinking of Catherine the Great.

03:11She was a nymphomaniac.

03:12Well, she shagged a horse.

03:14Qualifies in my book.

03:16Well, I saw it on television with Catherine Zeta-Jones

03:19and I don't remember any horse.

03:21Apparently.

03:23She had a different blog brought to her bedroom every night.

03:26Is this Catherine the Great or Catherine Zeta-Jones?

03:28Yes, sir.

03:52I don't know if you had a good job.

03:56Barry, you have friends here that for me done good job.

03:59No, no, it's our privilege, Sergei.

04:01I told you they were the best, didn't I?

04:03And we haven't let you down.

04:04Neither of your own people, of course.

04:05Yeah, Russians and British, side by side.

04:09Many things we have in common.

04:11Love for football.

04:13Love for vodka.

04:14It's been a great gig, Mr. Riveroff.

04:24You've got a magnificent house now, you know,

04:26and once it's furnished, man.

04:27Woo-hoo!

04:28Yes, but this, this is a price for me.

04:31You know who this piano was owned by?

04:34Shostakovich.

04:34Oh, pity it wasn't Elton John.

04:37It'd be worth a few, Bob.

04:39Are you musical yourself, then?

04:41Me?

04:42No.

04:43But my mother is.

04:44I bought this house for my mother.

04:46I hope she can manage them stairs.

04:48To my mother.

04:49Oh, to your mother.

04:50Your mother.

04:51Mrs. Riveroff.

04:52Mrs. Riveroff.

04:54Just before we get completely high-eyed, Dave,

04:57it is clear, dear, Mr. Riveroff.

05:00Don't worry.

05:02I have what I promised.

05:03I have what I promised.

05:05I have what I promised.

05:10Oh, what's up, Davey?

05:12What's up, Davey?

05:13What's up, Davey?

05:14Seriously, Davey?

05:15We're going to be okay about getting that

05:17through British customs.

05:19Could he not give us a cashier's check or something?

05:20Don't fret, Nev.

05:21Sergei is very much a cashier sort of person.

05:28We should have our photo, too, Alex.

05:30Eh?

05:33We're one under our belts, eh, Dan?

05:35Aye, we did the right thing when we left Arizona.

05:37Agreeing to stick together and stay on the tools.

05:39All right.

05:41Where's the next one, then?

05:42Hold your horses, boy, my mum.

05:43I haven't got a big, fat pier day to enjoy yet.

05:46I might take the family somewhere.

05:47All right.

05:48I was thinking the Chateau of the Loire.

05:51What?

05:52Blood out in Bangkok for me.

05:56All right.

05:58Please.

05:59Please.

06:00Enough.

06:01Fuck.

06:01Get in.

06:06Get in.

06:08Toon, Obey.

06:08Please? Good?

06:38How did you come by this job?

06:51Well, that would be Barry.

06:53Yeah, Mr. Taylor's doing.

06:56Yes, I did have business dealings here in Russia.

07:01I was married to one, and I was in business for a while with her brother.

07:06Well, that's so-called, brother.

07:10The scurvy, conniving, two-timing, adulterous bastard.

07:16He doesn't need to hear all this funny, you know.

07:18No, he doesn't.

07:19Anyway, I met Mr. Ribbroff during that time.

07:24Were you aware that you were working for a major crime figure?

07:28Of course not.

07:29Well, well, out of England, he may be a little bit iffy.

07:32You know, little things they got on my plate and milk.

07:35But as long as he was coming through with a wonga, why should we give it to us?

07:40Do you have anything between you?

07:42Well, a few rubles in me pocket.

07:44Yeah, me too.

07:45And a dry-cleaning figure.

07:48Three sticks of spare mints and a condom.

07:51How long has that been in there?

07:53Sure, we're living on the job where we're working.

07:56I mean, we've just got to close we're standing in.

07:57Look, how are we going to get repatriated?

08:00This is not really my province.

08:02I'm with the consular section.

08:04Head of visa's having a barbecue.

08:06Kid's birthday or something.

08:08Why, is there any chance that we could, you know, get over there and grab a couple of bangers or something?

08:13We haven't eaten anything since breakfast.

08:16Would it be possible for me to phone me wife?

08:18I'll reverse the charges.

08:20I'll see what I can do.

08:22I have to make a few calls of my own.

08:25Oh, lads!

08:26We're British citizens, you know.

08:28We're working men.

08:30We're not soccer hooligans.

08:32Don't antagonise people.

08:34It doesn't help.

08:36Three months of Russian winter.

08:38Three months of pickled herring and peppered vodka.

08:42We're going home with less than what we arrived with.

08:45We're alive, though, Mev.

08:46Don't forget that.

08:48If it wasn't for Bomber's photocall, your Brenda would be getting what's left of you back in a matchbox.

08:53Aye, fine, but it'd be nice to have a few rubles to take home, wouldn't it?

08:57Oh, wait, buddy.

08:58Think.

08:59You were big pals with Rib Ruff.

09:01They said nobody else who could go to.

09:03Did you not have a partner or an accountant?

09:05Those are the ones who more than likely assassinated him.

09:16Oz.

09:18There's somebody trying to attract your attention.

09:26Gus!

09:28I thought that was you, you mad, Judy Tosser.

09:30Ha ha ha!

09:31Who was it?

09:32Me and Gus was on this young job in Rotterdam a couple of years back.

09:36Take it down!

09:37Take it down!

09:38Take it down, come on!

09:40We've got five more pacts on the top, Jane.

09:42Put that down there!

09:44Get the other shoes on the back.

09:46Bloody hell.

09:48What?

09:49I'm looking at us.

09:52Is all your lad Briskos?

09:57Yeah, I've had the same tape for about a year now.

09:59Was in, um, my trip before here.

10:01How about yourselves?

10:03I would have been here about three months.

10:05I'm amazed we've never run across this.

10:07Well, we don't use a lot of bars.

10:08We prefer the embassy club.

10:10What, didn't they let yous in?

10:11We wear ties.

10:13A lot of totty.

10:14Your old builders go down very well with the secretaries.

10:17Well, how come they let hairy-arse gadgets like us in a place like that?

10:21Well, we work for a government department,

10:22and they contract our embassy jobs all over the world.

10:25Sounds too good to be true, boys, eh?

10:29She's putting the call through, she said.

10:32They could let you see your brandy, you know,

10:35if they don't mind to.

10:37What are you talking about?

10:39There'll be a room downstairs, won't they?

10:41Full of spy stuff.

10:43They could hook you up to a satellite up in space

10:45and zoom in on Gateshead.

10:49There she is.

10:51Just coming out of the metro centre.

10:54Been doing a bit of shopping by the looks of it.

10:56With the money you no longer have.

10:58You don't get any less weird, Mox.

11:01One, two.

11:07One, two.

11:10Hello?

11:12Hi, Brenda?

11:14Yeah, it's me, Pet.

11:16Yeah, I'm just fond to say we'll be back one or two days later.

11:20Thank you very much.

11:21No, no, no, it's just a little glitch.

11:26I'll tell you about it when we see you.

11:29So, are you home?

11:33Or shopping?

11:33Well, anyway, listen, give the girls me love

11:37and I'll phone you as soon as I know I'll flight.

11:41Sorry, Pet.

11:45Couldn't face telling her.

11:47Not yet.

11:49Where was she?

11:51The metro centre.

11:52Oh, E.D.

11:58That's the name of the department Gus and his crew's working for.

12:01What's that stand for?

12:02I've no idea, but we should chase them up.

12:05He says you have to get on their list.

12:06Well, that shouldn't be too hard, should it?

12:08All the hours we've got to know about.

12:10Nice, we should apply for an interview, you know.

12:12Suit and tie, best behaviour.

12:14Odds and Enns departments.

12:16What?

12:17O.E.D.

12:18Moxie.

12:19What?

12:20Bollocks.

12:28We can get you on a flight tonight.

12:30Oh, come on, Chris.

12:31But you will have to reimburse H.M. government

12:34for all expenses incurred.

12:37I don't know why we bother paying taxes.

12:40I'm afraid the local police want to detain you, Mr. Taylor.

12:44What?

12:47Me?

12:48You were the connection to Ribroff.

12:51And after all, we are dealing with a murder here.

12:54But I hardly knew who the bloke.

12:56I don't know who his enemies are.

12:58Or his wife, or his mistress,

13:00or his bloody budgering are, for that matter.

13:01Calm down, Bonnie.

13:02It's probably just routine.

13:04Oh, yes, it's routine until I'm whisked away in the middle of the night

13:06and I wake up in some gulag with a bowl of roped soup.

13:09I don't believe it.

13:14Right, you listening?

13:17Dear sirs,

13:18we are an independent building contractors

13:21with a vast amount of experience

13:23both at home and overseas.

13:26Testimonials will show that we...

13:29Oh, I can't read me on...

13:30Right, man.

13:32What?

13:33Industrious and diligent.

13:35Diligent.

13:36Daily telegraph crossword, where it's that?

13:38You can count on us to deliver the goods.

13:42I'm not sure.

13:44You've got to mention America.

13:45I have, man.

13:46Listen.

13:47We recently reassembled the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge in Arizona,

13:51which must count as one of the most famous erections in recent years.

13:55Except for the time when Neville went to the brothel.

13:59Thank you, Oz.

14:00I needed that.

14:01And I'll carry on by, finish off by saying,

14:04er, we are available for an interview at your convenience.

14:07Very good, Dennis.

14:08Get that off.

14:09The sooner the better.

14:10Yeah, stick it in an envelope

14:11and we'll post it when we get to Heathrow.

14:13That's going to look very professional, isn't it, Moxie?

14:15What?

14:16Well, some suit in Whitehall

14:18gets a job application written on his egg bag.

14:21Here.

14:22Come to me.

14:23I'll type it out and I'll email it to them when we get home.

14:26Then they'll know we mean business.

14:27Red, chumming, right?

14:28You can count me out.

14:30I'm finished with the broad.

14:31What are you talking about, man?

14:33We were ahead of the game in Arizona.

14:35Now we're all skinned again.

14:37This is the dream gig, Nev, man.

14:39Money, travel, diplomatic protection.

14:41We could get set anywhere.

14:43Fiji, Hong Kong, Brazil.

14:46Yeah, we'd get Baghdad.

14:54Why did you leave that nice cottage?

14:57Oh, I felt like a homeroom there, man.

14:59Couldn't get used to having sheep for our neighbours.

15:02The lift reeks are pissed,

15:03but it's got a magnificent bill.

15:05It's a manky view, Oz.

15:13No, it's not.

15:14You see that down there, that big thing on your right?

15:16That's the roof of St. James's Park.

15:18Oh.

15:19A chateau of share of that, kiddo.

15:20I don't feel comfortable being back in the UK, you know.

15:25I'm never feeling far from the long reach of Mickey's start-up.

15:28He's banged up, man.

15:32He's sworn dire retribution.

15:35That's why I hope this OED thing works out,

15:37so I can just keep circling the globe.

15:40Put a price on me head, so I've heard.

15:42I think you exaggerate your significance in this start-up geezer's minds, you know.

15:48I mean, he got sent out for ten years for all kinds of horrible crimes.

15:53I hardly think he'd be sitting on his arse,

15:54plotting and planting out in nearly all bollocks.

15:57He came after me, though, that last time, didn't he?

16:00Well, look, do you want to stay here or do you not?

16:01Maybe I could join a witness protection programme.

16:07Aye, you could, aye.

16:08Then we'll give you a new name and a sweet shop in the Orkneys.

16:11Thanks very much.

16:14Tug in.

16:31Hello, Pat.

16:33Hello?

16:34Where's your luggage?

16:36Your clothes?

16:37What's up to your eye?

16:38That's part of the glitch.

16:44I knew glitched, my disaster.

16:45I could tell by your voice on the phone.

16:47I wanted to tell you to your face.

16:49It's all right.

16:50I've taken it on board.

16:52It's not the worst thing in the world.

16:54Isn't it?

16:54No.

16:56You're home.

16:57You're healthy.

16:58You spend the Easter holidays with your daughters.

17:00Take them away somewhere.

17:02You don't have to worry about Callista.

17:03She's going to me mother's.

17:05Where are you going to, like?

17:06You know where.

17:08I emailed you.

17:10That course in Guildford.

17:12Oh, and is that now?

17:14Yes, it is now.

17:17What is it again?

17:19Identity and empowerment.

17:21Right.

17:23Fine.

17:25Which means what, exactly?

17:27It's about harnessing self-esteem and assertiveness,

17:29and it's non-refundable,

17:31so it won't save money by me not going.

17:50I'll have to make sure we put Barry's name down.

17:52I mean, he'll be out soon, won't he?

17:54They're talks, old bum.

17:55I've written who's MP.

17:56This bridge job of yours is quite something.

18:06A monumental achievement, Mr. Bates.

18:08Yes, we're all very proud of it.

18:10Ah, well, we're proud of the Russian job, and all.

18:12Until it was reduced to a pile of rubble.

18:15You've always worked as a team.

18:17Yes, yes.

18:18Most of us go way back.

18:20We're at a partnership,

18:21but he couldn't absorb out.

18:24Look, so as not to beat about the bush, Mr. Veynes,

18:26what's the chances of us getting on this list?

18:29Because, I mean, we've got the credentials, as you can see,

18:32and we're all bang up for it.

18:34Well, there's no question mark over your experience,

18:37but the nature of who we are and what we do

18:40means that we go into extensive background betting.

18:43And what does that entail?

18:47Well, we have to be sure that our people are never in a position

18:49where they can be compromised or blackmailed.

18:52So we're extremely thorough on security clearances.

19:01Well, you're going to find this out sooner or later,

19:04so you might as well know it up front, right?

19:07And what's that, Mr. Osborne?

19:09I've got a sun water puff.

19:13I thought you were going to tell him you'd been inside, man.

19:25Why would I bring help?

19:27What you made up to eventually, you know?

19:29You could offset that with character references.

19:32I've known Leonard Osborne half my life.

19:34Blah, blah, blah.

19:36From who?

19:37Well, that's not obviously.

19:40Who else?

19:41Can you not think of anybody?

19:43There was a bloke I shared his cell with, but...

19:49Well, look, the light is, you know, you could tell.

19:51I mean, we've got enough miles on the club

19:53in the chain of press cutters from the Arizona job.

19:56I'll be straight back there if this thing don't work out.

19:59It's my own now, and I've got a new family to think about.

20:01I wake up in the morning and thank God and the angels for my blessings.

20:05That's great, bummer.

20:06Yeah, but he's still got to earn a crust.

20:08He's still got the old wonderlust.

20:10Well, haven't we at all?

20:13What time train are we on?

20:15Ten o'clock.

20:16Promised to have a drink with Wyman and let them know what's happening.

20:18Oh, I think I'll give that one a body swerve.

20:21Them Aeroflat trolley dollies are in town, you know?

20:23So, if I didn't get a leg out of it, I'll see you at King's Cross.

20:31So, is this your local, young man?

20:33One of them.

20:35It's going to fall a bit high-end now, Shepherds Bush.

20:36A bit more down market when I was a kid, you know?

20:39So, what are our chances, then?

20:41Because I'm a bit strapped.

20:43Well, I reckon about 50-50.

20:45Don't miss, we don't know how long it's going to take, you know?

20:49So, what are you going to do in the meantime?

20:51Well, I've got a mate who's a builder up in North Seals.

20:54I can do some work with him, like, you know, but I've been thinking Fiji.

20:59You know, North Seals doesn't sound very sexy.

21:03What about you?

21:04You got some, er, Discord jobs on?

21:07DJing.

21:07No, no, I've been out of the loop too long.

21:19Hello, darling.

21:21So, is this the bloke who almost got you grown up?

21:25What are you doing here?

21:26I thought it was about time I met some of these people you spend your life with.

21:31I'm Chrissy, by the way.

21:33Dennis, you are my sister.

21:37Mother, but I'll take that as a compliment.

21:40Look, Chrissy, you're being out of order.

21:41We're discussing important work stuff, right?

21:43Get us a glass of red.

21:46Thanks, darling.

21:52So, you're the boss man.

21:54Boss man?

21:56It's a bit more democratic than that.

21:58I tell him what to do, and he ignore us.

22:01He talks a lot about you.

22:04He likes you.

22:06Oh, that's this.

22:07He's a good lad.

22:09I think he hooked up with us because we all knew his dad, you know.

22:13A lot better than I did.

22:15One night.

22:18Can you believe it?

22:19And there's the result.

22:25Cheers.

22:26Cheers, ah.

22:27Cheers.

22:28Cheers, young man.

22:29So, if this government thing works out, it could be marvellous, I think.

22:35Oh, a lay flame.

22:37That red, son?

22:39Yeah.

22:40Yeah.

22:41Yeah.

22:42If you get posted somewhere exotic, I might be tempted to pay you a visit.

22:46No.

22:47No.

22:48No, no, no.

22:48We're like a band, me and the lads, Chrissy.

22:50No sweethearts, wives, or especially mothers, allow them to talk.

22:55All right, then?

22:55Six single sexy men sounds tempting to me.

23:00She always does this.

23:02I always do what?

23:03Embarrass me.

23:03I didn't realise I was.

23:06Was I embarrassing you, Dennis?

23:08Me?

23:09Me not.

23:10No?

23:12Give her time.

23:17Very tasty gaff, Nath.

23:20Certainly a cut above Oz's high-rise.

23:23There's a test course down the end of the road.

23:25But the fridge is fully stacked, anyway.

23:28Oh, that's the cat's litter.

23:30That's his food.

23:31Just feed him a couple of times a day.

23:33Yeah, no problem.

23:35Hiya.

23:36Hiya.

23:39Where will I sleep?

23:41Oh, Debbie's room.

23:42Brenda doesn't feel very comfortable with a stranger in our bed.

23:46Just as well, eh?

23:47All the travelling you've done.

23:50Aye.

23:50Well, there won't be any more.

23:54The lads put your name down, you know.

23:56Just in case you change your mind, like.

23:58I won't.

23:59Suit yourself.

24:00I can't wait.

24:04Er, what's the cat's name?

24:06Tank.

24:07Tank?

24:08Why?

24:10Wait till you see him.

24:11How are you, Mr. Taylor?

24:31Well, how do you think?

24:33Been bombarded with questions I can't answer.

24:37I can't sleep.

24:38I can't eat.

24:39You're free to go.

24:42What?

24:43A witness came forward.

24:46Confirmed that you have no incriminating history with Rimroff.

24:49I don't believe it.

24:55Who have I got to thank?

24:57I'll show her in.

25:19I came by train all the way from Moscow.

25:34I hear about Rimroff, that you've been questioned.

25:38I know it's all bullshit.

25:40What did you tell the cops?

25:42That it was Cadi who was Rimroff's friend.

25:45That you hardly knew the man.

25:49Thank you, Tatiana.

26:03You look like shit, buddy.

26:07That's why I've been held against me will and interrogated with all the mental anguish that implies.

26:17You look rather fetching.

26:21You remember this coat?

26:26You buy it for me in a Bond street.

26:29I'm sure I did.

26:32I always try to look nice for you, buddy.

26:34Now, in Moscow, I'm a student.

26:49A student?

26:51Academy of Beauty Therapy.

26:52Academy of Beauty Therapy.

26:55That is what I wish to be.

26:57A beauty therapist.

26:58Perhaps work one day in a spa.

27:01Sounds good.

27:02How is our beautiful home?

27:10Always on the market, I'm afraid.

27:14I had no choice financially.

27:16Anyway, it doesn't hold very happy memories for me.

27:21Well, I did many bad things to you, buddy.

27:24This is why I'm here.

27:26To say sorry.

27:27Okay?

27:38Bye-bye.

27:39There you go, mate.

28:02What are you, a big bruiser, aren't you?

28:08Did you get through that cufflap?

28:10Yeah, you want some more?

28:12After a lot.

28:12Shit.

28:34Shit.

28:37Shit.

28:38Shit.

28:40the hopes are all away we saw someone house sitter do you know where mr. hope is

29:10you took the girls to the lake district has it come to leave

29:40what's the panic i was in the middle of a dump when you called they came from yours

29:56start-ups lot what are you talking about a car pulled up a bloke got out at the luke

30:03you know hard nose sas type and there was someone in the back it was probably the vat people

30:12em's been up to nev's horse for months oh mate it had the look of a it all over it

30:18well look i'll take you back to my place if you want you can get yourself cleaned up you're a bit

30:23uh pong with you oh shite what i left the bath on

30:31we could have gone to my yoke up a 35 pound on easy jet

30:43oh aye and i'd have spent the whole week scouring the discos for the pair of you

30:48no danger of that here it was man that put you up to this wasn't it partly but i wanted

30:58to spend some quality time with you both this is where we had that fantastic summer

31:04ah i will never forget it got dozens of photos i can't remember it i was only eight

31:12gone that long ago you know when you came back from america everyone could see the difference

31:22you're a changed man now you're like you were like how worried moody fearing the worst

31:30oh hey it usually happens look at russia are you planning on going on another trip

31:35nah the lads are working on something i've told them i'm not interested

31:40nah i've been missing too much of you lot grown up

31:43but what are grown up

31:45my mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions

31:56just seeing her there

31:58confusion

32:01anger regret

32:03bitterness

32:05and i have to admit yes there were sexual stirrings

32:10she was wearing these skin tight boots to come just below the knee

32:17miniskirt

32:20so there was a flash of thigh in evidence

32:23the perfume

32:26it's in my ackee

32:29i should know that i'd bought a gallon of it

32:32did you see i'd missed our sessions being in russia

32:38i felt naked because i'd i'd lost all the tools the coping tools to help me

32:43i know you're going to say that i was retreating back into my codependency tendencies

32:47it's true

32:51i just wanted to take her in my arms and forgive her and buy her something nice from versace

33:01mr hope

33:10i'm heather lane

33:12oh hello

33:14how do you know who i am

33:18i had to pick your id

33:21your neighbour told me you were in keswick

33:23it's one o'clock and this place does the best lunch

33:25we were sent the last payment a week ago

33:28you people never give up

33:29i'm not from the v18

33:31you're not

33:32i do work for the government

33:34at a very different department

33:37oh is this about the oed thing

33:41like background checks

33:42in a way

33:43are you waiting for your daughters

33:46nah

33:47they've met a couple of norwegian backpackers

33:50they're climbing up while still

33:51just worried about what they'll do when they get to the top

33:54teenage daughters

33:56tricky time

33:57you seem to know a lot about me already

34:01sometimes mr hope

34:05it's necessary for the intelligence community to recruit civilians

34:08if you get the oed contract

34:11you might be in some sensitive areas

34:14where you could be of help to us

34:16are you talking about all of us

34:20or just me

34:21i mean you

34:22wouldn't dennis be a natural choice

34:28as team leader he's a bit obvious

34:30mr taylor is dealing with a lot of emotional baggage at the moment

34:34mr busbridge is a bit long in the tooth

34:36young wyman is

34:38just that

34:39young

34:39was born in moxie

34:42hardly

34:44we believe you'd be the most discreet

34:51own business

34:53family man

34:55not a blot on your copybook neville

34:57well you've done your homework

35:01but

35:02there's one thing your spies didn't tell you

35:05i'm not gone

35:07that's a pity

35:11i've been away too much you see

35:14the thing is

35:17getting on the list is everything to your friends isn't it

35:21yeah

35:22if you were to cooperate

35:25we could almost guarantee it

35:27and if i don't

35:30could be yours

35:32anyway

35:34think about it

35:35call me anytime

35:39that's got all my numbers

35:41what's the matter

35:50well you know how you gave away your phone

35:52in case anything happened

35:53all right

35:54we're halfway up a mountain in moxie man

35:56and

35:57well the house is flooded and tanks gone missing

36:00what are you doing here then

36:20sorry nev didn't panic look the place was in a bit of a mess you know but what on top of it

36:23put them wet towels in it dry and i'm sorry your holiday has got cut short girls

36:28oh don't worry we're not

36:30oh nev

36:35welcome home

36:37sorry mate

36:39i really am

36:40we'll rent it easy does look

36:43and if you leave them on all night

36:45your carpet should be dry by the morning

36:47there's no damage to the floor like you know

36:49so by the time brenda gets back

36:50you know neither difference

36:51tank's in his basket

36:54oh hi us phone them three doors up

36:57oh hi tank

36:58he's a big bugger isn't he

37:00but had i had a saddle i could have ridden him

37:01i don't know how to thank you all lads

37:04i mean i didn't know what i was coming back to

37:06ah well there's a few loose tiles up in the bathroom

37:09need right later and i'll do that no more

37:11no but thanks lad

37:13really

37:13what a friend's for

37:16of all of our outfits why did you flag bridge north

37:23judging by that american job they have more initiative than the average team

37:28most of whom just want to get drunk and eat chips

37:30and this chap hope would be your man

37:35he's perfect

37:36he's at a crossroads in his life

37:40his wife is increasingly independent

37:42his older daughters are grown up

37:43he feels irrelevant

37:44and the capper is

37:47he's so unlikely

37:49i can't imagine anyone thinking that he's connected with my lord

37:53this has all happened so fast

37:55we haven't completed our own checks

37:58this osborne for example

38:00it's a bit of a loose cannon

38:01that's your decision

38:03i just need neville hope

38:05but he hasn't said yes

38:07you won't get a medal for this old chap

38:11because officially this mission doesn't exist

38:14but you might have the satisfaction of knowing

38:17that if you pull it off

38:19you will have saved the world from extinction

38:22good luck

38:24and may god go with you

38:27do i need any special training or anything

38:43neville you're not pierce brosnan

38:45and you won't be involved in anything dangerous or compromising

38:48what will i be involved in

38:50your precise duties will be explained to you by your contact when you arrive at your destination

38:55can you tell me where that'll be

38:58all in good time

38:59what's up

39:19we've got it

39:24what

39:25we made the list

39:26congratulations

39:28aye aye that was faster

39:31unbelievable eh

39:32changes everything

39:33we're civil servants now

39:34no no diplomats man

39:36ambassadors

39:37so how come you're not down the pub

39:39listen you know when we got the bridge chug

39:42you lot came looking for me

39:43didn't you

39:44and you said even with one of us missing

39:46we're not a team man

39:47we know how you feel nev but

39:49well

39:50you have to think about it man

39:52i mean this could go a long way to making up for all the shite we've been through over the years nev

39:56yeah

39:56fine

39:58what do you mean fine

40:01i mean i'll come

40:03okay

40:04yeah

40:05but just like that

40:07aww

40:08well i gotta give you drugs and abduct you

40:11yeah

40:11you know what to talk to with brenda first

40:12aww she's away on some coast down london

40:14aww well i'll do down there

40:16on a briefing with the oed

40:18well i'll tell her then then

40:20so what made you change your mind

40:22well

40:24i suppose you could say i just

40:26realised how important friendship was to this

40:29aww fantastic eh

40:31aww it's brilliant eh

40:32mind mind mind

40:33we're not weeding your garden

40:35aww all right

40:36no no no

40:37you're on your own with that one mate

40:39surprised you haven't sold this place yet buddy

40:41it's structurally unsound

40:43well i don't suppose your so-called brother-in-law pumping 500 bullet holes in a while would have helped

40:49well i've had it fixed up us

40:50i had the old ground floor re-plasted

40:53and the front portico re-stuck out

40:55i was just about to put it on the market

40:59and what happens

41:00what

41:01what happened

41:01an earthquake

41:03not in tokyo

41:06not in the middle of turkey

41:07the epicenter

41:08was in broody dudley

41:1019 miles up the road

41:11the first one in recorded history

41:14nah you've got to get out of here buddy man

41:16i mean no matter where we end up

41:17it's got to be better than this

41:18hasn't it

41:19well yeah but the problem is

41:21i'm seeing this woman twice a week

41:23well you're getting shagged with that something

41:25no no no no no

41:27she's a psychoanalyst

41:28a therapist

41:29very nice woman from solihull

41:31called Helen

41:32i mean

41:33it's a bit of a schlep

41:35but she comes highly recommended

41:36how long you been doing this then

41:38since Arizona

41:40well it was wonderful for you lot

41:42unifying and uplifting

41:44but it was hell for me

41:46i came back in a terrible state

41:48never mind a financial ruin

41:50i've got everything you did to me head

41:52a middle aged man

41:54betrayed

41:55and duped

41:56what do you think that does for your psyche

41:57i felt worthless

41:59jeez

41:59jeez you weren't like that in Russia

42:01what else have you lost

42:03exactly

42:04none of us lots let each other down

42:07eh

42:08in twenty years

42:09we're like a family amount barrier now

42:11most of us at all we've got

42:12and how often do many of us find ourselves torn

42:16between two seemingly opposing courses of action

42:19and what do we do when we're faced with this dichotomy

42:22we struggle

42:23which is exactly what we shouldn't do

42:26what we have to do is recognize and accept

42:29the duality in our nature

42:30now there's always going to be conflicts in our lives

42:33between work and family

42:35between friendship and ambition

42:37and to

42:38yes

42:40sorry

42:41are you from maintenance

42:44no

42:45i just want a word with me wife

42:48we're in the middle of a workshop

42:49i'm sorry dr fellberg

42:51if you'll just excuse me

42:53so

43:00duality

43:02what's going on

43:04well there's this government outfit

43:06that recruits builders for embassy jobs abroad

43:09the lads applied and they've been accepted

43:11i thought you said that

43:12i know what i said

43:14i've changed me mind

43:16it's interesting that you've taken this decision unilaterally

43:19without talking it over with me

43:20well i'm here now

43:22yes but you've made the decision

43:23ah i but

43:25no

43:26that's good

43:27is it

43:28yes

43:28what it tells me is that you must want this very badly

43:31ah well

43:32there's special circumstances

43:34look neville

43:35i'm happy if you're doing something that makes you happy and feel good about you

43:40what do you mean special circumstances

43:42there's things i can't talk about

43:44but

43:45well sometimes a man has a chance to see what his true worth is

43:51to be like

43:52tested in the fire and

43:54hopefully come through unscathed

43:56what are you talking about

43:58i've said too much

43:59listen thanks for being so understanding

44:02this is you being empowered i'm all for it

44:06i'm just trying to shake off the shackles of the archetype pet

44:09right

44:12good morning gentlemen

44:15oh

44:16oh but

44:17are we all here

44:20yes apart from er

44:22mr taylor

44:24he sends his apologies

44:25he's dealing with some personal stuff

44:27before we start

44:30there's something we have to address

44:32i think we explained this department has to be especially diligent

44:36for obvious reasons

44:38and um

44:39well i'm afraid

44:40we can't accept mr osborne's application because of his criminal record

44:44what

44:46well

44:47i've paid me dues for that man

44:49i've kept me head down

44:51me nose clean

44:52grafted me bollocks up ever since i've gone out haven't i

44:54that's certainly true

44:55well it's not what a man was that's important

44:58it's what he's learned

44:59what he's become

45:00that's right

45:01absolutely

45:02well it's a rule we can't waive i'm afraid

45:04well i don't know how much checking up you've done

45:06but if you contact the choppin or indian tribe of arizona

45:09you'd realize my worth mate

45:12as a grafter

45:13and as a person

45:14i mean

45:15them do tribal dances in our honor

45:17don't they

45:18that's right

45:19and there's a toadum pole there with my name on it

45:21big one

45:23well it's out of my hands

45:26is it

45:27well shite the other here

45:29i'm not sitting licking their horses

45:37i'm sorry we couldn't have handled this some other way but there were certain decisions that only came down last night

45:47well we'd like to offer our congratulations to the rest of you

45:52i'm not sure how we feel about it now

45:54can i say something here

45:58i've been inside myself

46:01mind it was a long time ago like

46:03well that's partly the reason why mr moxie this rule

46:07only applies to convictions in the last ten years

46:09and uh

46:11we understand you provided the police with information which led to the arrest of a major crime figure

46:16i wouldn't want that generally known

46:20you see mr viennes this puts us in a

46:22a terrible

46:23situation

46:25with a team

46:26always have been

46:27and mr osborne is a crucial part

46:30of that team

46:31look

46:32i don't have to remind you this job is the chance of a lifetime

46:35we've got the posting earmarked for you and papers ready to sign

46:39where to

46:41havana

46:43cuba

46:44don't throw this away

46:51and don't make me have to look elsewhere

46:53what come to you

47:00what do you mean

47:01what

47:02i thought you would have been hot on me heels you meant i walked out the door

47:06well we just had

47:07things to discuss you know

47:09like what

47:10well

47:11arguing your case for a start

47:13moxie bought his record up

47:15even though he didn't have to

47:17i didn't have to

47:18but i did

47:19well cut to the chase dennis

47:21well they're adamant

47:23they don't want you to go

47:25what about the rest of you

47:29well we're just going over the pub you know just to talk things through

47:32what's to talk through

47:34everyone's entitled to express their opinion of

47:37what are you going to put into a vote

47:39look we don't know what we're going to do what we've just heard this

47:42you lot only found out about this thing because of my mate gus

47:46and who was it what brought you the bridge job

47:48ah arizona

47:50and who was it who rescued all your lives particularly your life

47:54from the brink of oblivion

47:56we know we owe you awesome

47:57that's why we're going to have this talk

48:00looks to me like your mind is already made up

48:04i can't believe this of you dennis

48:06it's not two nights since i sat in body's living room with you and we're talking about friendship

48:10and loyalty

48:11and loyalty

48:11what happened to that

48:13huh

48:14hey

48:19hey arse man man

48:20arse man

48:21how many times do you have it

48:22we shouldn't have died twice

48:26we've dropped a huge bullet to you lads

48:30i reckon den's right

48:32it's all of us or it's none of us

48:34let's just get back in there

48:37we're turning the job down

48:38hey hang on lads

48:40look why don't i call

48:41there's no point that's all trades enough is there

48:43somebody get us a pint in there

48:45i'll do it

48:46i'll do it

48:46right

48:47bye then lads

48:54cheers

48:54see ya

48:55hello

49:06neville it's a little early in our relationship for you to be making demands

49:13well if oz doesn't go the whole team doesn't go so where are you then

49:17i'll get back to you

49:21colin baines

49:24oh heather

49:26what

49:29no way

49:32i don't care what the problem is

49:34just get oz borne on the list

49:38yeah

49:43oh

49:45that's very much

49:47what a piffer

49:52piffer are it

49:55well couldn't go without

49:57you know i'm not happy about them knowing about me and mickey's start-up you know

50:01we don't do it about that

50:03well they know everything man

50:04that's what they said they've gone into all this stringent background stuff

50:07i mean otherwise oz would be here wouldn't he

50:10having a pint

50:12when was he in the nick again

50:15four year ago

50:16so he could reapply in six years time

50:19not sure but i want to get up a ladder in six years time

50:24hey

50:25change their minds

50:26you see oz can come

50:28you what

50:29just like that

50:31how'd this happen

50:32well i

50:33i argued his case you know

50:35well what did you say

50:36that we didn't

50:37well i uh

50:38i was pretty

50:40passionate

50:40obviously um

50:41wrong to persecute one man

50:44for past misdemeanors

50:45losing out on a

50:47great outfit

50:48et cetera

50:49et cetera

50:50do you bung him

50:51no of course not

50:53you were only up there ten minutes

50:55that's all it takes

50:57you know if you feel strongly enough about someone

50:59are you serious

51:00i

51:01well that's brilliant nev

51:03he wants to swear in the middle east next

51:06yeah

51:06that's all

51:07done nev son

51:08it's great

51:09we're going then

51:10cuba

51:11in the light of our assignment lads

51:13we should repair to the bar

51:14and hammer the rum

51:15yeah pina coladas

51:19thy queries

51:19a bit more exotic than the place of brown here lath

51:22have you been mr osborne please

51:23oh mr osborne checked out about half an hour ago

51:25what terms next

51:27a train from king's cross

51:29oh he wasn't going to king's cross

51:30he was asking which tube to take to get to heathrow

51:33heathrow

51:33where's he going

51:35could be anywhere couldn't he

51:36he didn't have much gear with him

51:38should we go after him

51:39oh man heathrow's bloody massive

51:40it's got four terminals

51:42just wants to get away i reckon

51:43ah get away from us

51:45i need to make a phone call

51:47oh

51:48yes

52:00yes neville

52:05now what

52:06listen oscar's legged it to heathrow

52:09i don't know if he's leaving tonight or

52:12you know getting a hotel and leaving in the morning

52:14i have no idea where he's headed

52:17well i thought you people could check the passenger lists

52:21i mean you've got the facilities right

52:23you all right now

52:24fine

52:25i'm just on with brenda

52:27yeah well i'm not used to it either

52:35i'm not used to lying to people

52:37it's heather

52:44double o geordie is becoming a pain in the arse

52:48patch me through to roger

52:50mr osborne

53:01yes

53:02i wonder if you could just follow me

53:03bring your personal effects

53:05upgrade is it

53:06you just come with these gentlemen

53:08what's up like

53:10i've not been smoking in your bog

53:13i didn't check the bargain so you couldn't have found a bomb in it

53:16we don't want to alarm the other passengers do we sir

53:19well i'm not a bloody terrorist

53:20me name's osborne

53:22not osama

53:23don't make us use force sir

53:25force

53:26i'll show you a bit of force son

53:28oh my god

53:30who made the list mr osborne

53:35what bloody list

53:36the ten most wondered

53:37the oed

53:38with me mates

53:41you're going to cuba

53:42oh well

53:44well why didn't you say so

53:46sorry pal

53:48well

53:50buga bangkok

53:52hoi habana

53:54now

53:59oh

54:59Well, this is 20 years ago.

55:01Hey, that's a Hudson Hornet, isn't it?

55:16How would you know?

55:18Because that was the car what Richard Dreyfuss drove in American graffiti.

55:22Don't know it.

55:23No, no, no, no.

55:24Richard Dreyfuss mainly drove around in other people's cars.

55:27The Hornet belonged to that gang.

55:30What are they called?

55:32Yeah, yeah.

55:33Addison Ford was in it, wasn't he?

55:35Before he became Addison Ford.

55:36Why?

55:37He drove a black Chevy, didn't he, remember?

55:40Had that race at the end with a hot rod.

55:42Oh, yeah, yeah.

55:42I've never heard of this film.

55:44He's probably just reached it.

55:45Be playing round the corner.

55:46Not with American in the title, it'll not.

55:50The Fair Arms, that was them.

55:52Yeah.

55:53There's a Buick Roadmaster.

55:58How on earth do they keep them running?

56:00Well, it's Cuban ingenuity, eh?

56:02They've not any spare parts in this country since the Revolution.

56:06That's 1960 or thereabouts.

56:08Not for cars, washing machines, nothing.

56:11So what do they do?

56:13Go down to the beer and beat their smiles with a brick.

56:15Mars.

56:16What?

56:17There you are.

56:18A bit tackless.

56:19You may be short of a few things here, pet, but it's a very beautiful city, really.

56:27No, hay nada que tener, pero todo lo que quisiera lo podías tener.

56:31I'm afraid that's too Spanish for our Spanish pet.

56:35Something we say about Cuba.

56:37Nothing to have, but all you could ever want.

56:41Uh-huh.

56:49I'm glad you came, Mars.

57:05I wouldn't be the same with that, you might.

57:08It's good to pretend you wiped the rooms, eh?

57:10Aye.

57:11Yeah, I would.

57:12Yes, yeah, fantastic.

57:13The whole team back together again, eh?

57:15The only reason I'm part of the team is down to Neville.

57:19Or so I heard.

57:20He went into bad for me, not you.

57:22Yeah?

57:22Look, Oz, for the record, right, we decided unanimously not to leave without you.

57:26Now, that was before the suits changed their minds.

57:29Okay.

57:30I'll never know that, though, will I?

57:31Yes, you will.

57:32How will I?

57:32Because I'm telling you.

57:33Now, all I know, then, is that when you had a choice of either knocking this job back,

57:38or cutting me adrift, you were thinking it over?

57:44Is this going in your grudge bank, boss?

57:46Because I'm your oldest friend.

57:51That's why I didn't expect it, then.

57:57Welcome to Havana, gentlemen.

57:59Oh, sex, seltzer and cigars.

58:01Mama can't wait.

58:02Why don't you come inside for tea and biscuits?

58:05Hello.

58:05How to do.

58:06How to do.

58:07How to do.

58:08Hello.

58:32How to do.

58:48How to do.

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