A.W.P. S02 E01. The Return of the Seven (Part 1).

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 21st February 1986.  The boys have returned from Germany and gone their separate ways.  Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor Gary Holton - Wayne Norris Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson Kevin Whately - Neville Hope Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser Julia Tobin - Brenda Hope Val McLane - Norma Lesley Saint-John - Vicki Simon Smith - Trevor Sammi Davis - Pippa (as Samantha Davis) Julie Etherington - Linda Peggy Ann Wood - Mrs. Bainbridge Billy Geraghty - Paddy Robert Blevins - Russell Stephen Crane - Syd Bob Berlin - Mr. Galloway Dick Irwin - Billy Leon Nightingale - Barman Chris Sanders - Customs Officer Catherine Whately - Debbie Hope Melanie Hill - Hazel Redfern (voice)  Brigitte Kahn - Dagmar (archive footage)

Transcript

00:00Commander

00:02The

00:04For

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00:30Oh, you'll have this picture for life, prior to place, so I expect to know you've had to

00:58It's not funny. Hey, Barry, can I offer you a word of advice?

01:08Not now, Wayne, please. Absolutely still, then. Lovely. Lovely. Lovely. And...

01:16Right, Boston. What I was going to say to you was if you took the lens cap off, you'd take a better picture, wouldn't you?

01:22Oh, flip, ain't it? Hey, lads, come back, fellas, please. Please, look.

01:28We'll never get a win.

01:30That's pretty basic, taking a lens cap.

01:34Just camera for long, you know. Right, great, right. Take two, eh?

01:38Take two, eh? Absolutely still.

01:44Here, hang on a minute. What?

01:46How are you? All right, no, Barry, how are you, man? I've got to get on town to buy a present for Brenda.

01:50I won't be in it, will I? Here, give it to me.

01:52No, no, no, we've all got to be in it, George. It's for posterity, this is.

01:56Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

01:58Come here, man, let's feel to get your spirits on.

02:00Peter, my hair, has he taken the photo?

02:02Oh, yeah. Oh, great.

02:04You don't have to focus and the exposure's automatic. You just press that button there, all right?

02:08Yeah.

02:12Hey.

02:14Well, personally, I've no desire to have a memento of this crap, Will,

02:18so you do need to send me one of these snapshots, aren't you?

02:20Yeah, well, it's not the place, is it, Oz?

02:22It's us thought, like, it's comradeship, isn't it?

02:24Is it?

02:26Oh, no, look, I wasn't looking, a bit of my hair taking some photos again, is it?

02:30Oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey.

02:32Watch me, man.

02:33Go, wait, see the back of each other, Barry.

02:35Oh, you wait and see, Mox.

02:37There'll be times when we each look back on this space of affection, I'm telling you.

02:41I'm telling you, mate.

02:42We had some busting times, though, didn't we?

02:45No.

03:07That's all right.

03:08Your bloody bike has been leaking petrol all over my home.

03:12Oh, dear.

03:13Oh, dear.

03:14I'm too weak.

03:15Oh, dear.

03:16That's not easy on TV.

03:18I'm too worried about that.

03:19Got you, man.

03:21You got to be on that.

03:23You're taking a piece of the horse.

03:26You lost for a thousand years, this, were you, no?

03:29I'm telling you, get back, get back.

03:32Come back, come back, come back!

04:02No one said it was going to be easy

04:11Nobody said you had to be fed

04:17All of the chances taken together

04:23All of the changes you had to share

04:32Well, you think we made it all worthwhile

04:37Then you realize no one cares

04:42But we're going to get it right this time

04:49But we've passed the point of no return

04:55And we're never going to go down that road again

05:02All about this, everything's changing

05:22Break it down, follow the heart

05:27All around us, the wheels are turning

05:34Signs are saying, make a new start

05:40Well, if leaving makes it all worthwhile

05:47Then it's time we took that bite

05:52But we're going to get it right this time

06:00Because we've passed the point of no return

06:06And we're never going to go down that road again

06:14And we're going to go down that road again

06:30After the disappointment of not getting into a salary

06:32I had great misgivings about joining you in the Falklands, mate

06:36Well, I've seen the pictures on the television

06:39And I read all the papers and stuff

06:41I knew there was no meaning of things was such

06:43But what I was here with, Dad

06:45I was all heard about this animosity from the locals

06:47Towards the itinerant workforce

06:49Now we get any trouble on the Bennys, do we?

06:52What?

06:53Bennys?

06:54Benny and Crossroads

06:55Yeah?

06:56Yeah

06:57Benny, man, you know, the duck egg, the thicket

06:59He's the stupid one, isn't he?

07:01Yeah

07:02Well, that's what we call the locals

07:03Oh, yeah

07:04Oh, I see, yeah, yeah

07:06And, of course, another thing I heard was

07:08Some of our lads got a bit potty out here, you know

07:10With the solitude and the wind light

07:12Who told you that?

07:13I think it was the Sunday people, actually, eh?

07:15I was reading it, he said

07:16Apparently some British bricky lads

07:18Found some old Argentinian machine guns

07:20And went absolutely preserved inside

07:21Letting them up with each other

07:23Yeah, well, you'll always get the occasion of lunatic, won't you?

07:32Do you like a bit of sport, Barry?

07:39Yes, I do, actually

07:41Especially table titties

07:43We have races

07:44Don't we, Oz?

07:45Oh, aye

07:47Aye, we're deep, Barry

07:48Aye

07:49Just about a tense for me

07:50Kill a bit of team, you know

07:51Are you up for it?

07:52Yeah, yeah

07:53Can't be

07:54Bit of fun, ain't it?

07:55Oh, aye

07:56Bit of fun

07:57Follow me

08:02Ah

08:03Okay

08:08Right, give you a dude

08:13I'll hold on to the kiddie

08:23Erm, how far do we race, actually?

08:25We'll start here, right?

08:27And we'll finish just at the opposite side of the main field, right?

08:30Go on

08:32Well, that's the best I can do, bunny lad

08:53If things change, I'll give you a bell now, all right?

08:56Aw, thanks, Russell

08:57You know I've started that new leisure centre

09:00Down in Washington

09:01Oh, that's too far, man

09:02What, with Brenda working and everything?

09:04Ah, it's a canny-haley

09:05Oh, mate

09:06Good dick, yeah

09:07Aye

09:08Ta-da, Ruffin

09:17Oh, nothing doing there, pet

09:19Still, didn't bother your little heater boat

09:24Still, didn't bother your little heater boat

09:49Dennis

09:50Dennis?

09:51Dennis?

09:52Oh, hello, Nev

09:55Haven't seen you for ages

09:56No, no, I've been pretty busy liking her

10:10Oh, I can see that

10:11Hey, er, how's the band?

10:12She must be getting on

10:13I haven't seen her since, er

10:14Yeah, since the christening

10:15Aye

10:16Well, er, I'll give you a ring, we'll have a jar, eh?

10:17When do you get the jar?

10:18Well, what do you think?

10:19What?

10:20The highlights

10:21Took you long enough, didn't it?

10:22We're supposed to be at the airport at 12 o'clock, you know

10:24Well, what do you think?

10:41What?

10:42The highlights

10:43Took you long enough, didn't it?

10:45We're supposed to be at the airport at 12 o'clock, you know

10:54There's this new girl who works there, she thinks I look like Stevie Nicks

11:00Who's he?

11:01Put your seatbelt on

11:05I hate these things

11:09Drop the zip boots, would you, Den?

11:11What for?

11:12Well, I wanna get some suntan lotion

11:13Well, you can get some more beer, they've got plenty there, haven't they?

11:16They may not have my kind, and I'm not taking any chances

11:20I've got a very sensitive skin, you know

11:22Remember when I was eight when I came back from Florida?

11:25I was in agony

11:37Well then, Billy

11:38Just one or two things to keep things on the boil

11:40If the brewery ring up about the contact in the squash club

11:42Put whole wood on to that, he's in the picture

11:44And if there any questions come up about the cash flow problem

11:47On the jogging majority health club, you just keep that one still, okay?

11:50Apart from that, Bob's your uncle, Fernish and Andy

11:53We'll do, Mr. Fraser

11:54Now, have a nice time, sir

11:55Not in the pain, Dennis

11:56The traffic's murder, Ali

11:57Not in the pain, Dennis

11:58The traffic's murder, Ali

11:59When you think we made it all worthwhile

12:07Then you realise no one cares

12:41And we're never gonna go down that road again.

13:11We'll get on the coast, Dennis.

13:13You know what my belly is like this time of year, eh?

13:23It's the cat.

13:25Who'll feed the cat?

13:27Excuse me, staff.

13:28Your husband's outside.

13:30I'll not be a minute, Mrs Bainbridge.

13:33I've never been in hospital in me life.

13:40Hello, Neverpet.

13:41Hello, Debbie.

13:42Has Daddy been taking care of you in any?

13:44Hey, is this you?

13:45What?

13:46Badminton Tournament.

13:47Bea Hope.

13:48Of course it's me.

13:49It's not Bob Hope.

13:51Wait, who's this R Gilmore?

13:53Oh, it's Roger.

13:54Dr Gilmore.

13:55It's mixed doubles, isn't it?

13:56Oh, is it?

13:58Oh, where's she again?

13:59Oh, never, I'm not through.

14:00I've got that much paperwork to get to her with.

14:02I'll be here till seven, at least.

14:04Oh, will I keep her up for you or what?

14:06No, she should be in bed by half past six.

14:09Have you got something for her tea?

14:11Mashed bananas.

14:12What about yourself?

14:13Mashed bananas and chips, I expect.

14:15Oh, never.

14:16I'll be home as soon as I can.

14:18Well, I can't come back for you, mate.

14:20No, don't worry.

14:21Tim goes my way.

14:22He'll drop us off.

14:23Tim?

14:24Dr Phillips.

14:27See you later, then.

14:30Oh, Neville, I forgot to ask.

14:32How'd it go at the site?

14:33It didn't.

15:03There are two things, they just told me.

15:04Oi, what's the state of that?

15:05I'm a money tax.

15:28Darrell Sugden's I just told me.

15:30Oi what's the state of that?

15:31He just told me they can't deliver the radiators till the end of the month.

15:34I'm not a punter Trevor.

15:36I'm a trade.

15:38Isn't that a mean something?

15:40Oh no no no no.

15:41You're giving a discount.

15:43I think it's a discount if they can't guarantee delivery.

15:50Without the radiators I can't start the decorating.

15:53I can't lay the carpet.

15:56Well get the roof on before you start worrying about the carpets.

16:01It's a nightmare.

16:04I said to Hayes I was back in January.

16:06Hayes I said by the time your wedding day comes round the home of your dreams will be ready to wait for you.

16:12If it isn't I don't think she'll marry me.

16:15Yeah I know.

16:17The place this size could house about eight homeless families.

16:20Oh don't give me any of your militant claptrap Trevor.

16:24I'm sweating blood to buy this place.

16:26Who are the Falklands?

16:28Not just the Falklands thank you.

16:30I was in Germany before that.

16:32Yeah we roughed it we did.

16:34Do stood off in January.

16:36There's no picnic I can tell you mate.

16:38Here we are.

16:42Oh here we are.

16:45Look at this.

16:46Desperate looking boat.

16:48Do you mind?

16:49Sort of the earth these lads.

16:52We were known as a magnificent seven.

16:54What about Germany?

16:55No in our hut amongst ourselves like us.

16:58Yes.

17:01That's Bomber.

17:02Strong as an ox.

17:03Gentle as a kitten.

17:05Wayne.

17:07No Freylein was safe from Bavaria to the Baltic with this one mate.

17:11That's Dennis.

17:12He was our anchor Trev.

17:15And yes that's Neville.

17:17Yes next to me.

17:18Bit of a warrior Nev.

17:19I'll give you the shirt off his back.

17:22I think of it.

17:23I think this is his shirt.

17:24Who's that mad looking maniac there?

17:26Oz.

17:27He was in the Falklands with me.

17:29First person to be thrown off the island since we saw the eyes he's off.

17:33Last one's Moxie.

17:35He was an arsonist from Kirby.

17:38Happy days.

17:43How long is it since you see these mates of yours then?

17:45Toby took the picture.

17:47See you really close.

17:49It's not like that.

17:50Friendship, fortune, adversity.

17:51That's there for life that is.

17:53Look.

17:54Each one of us knows.

17:55That if the chips were down.

17:56If they were in dire straits like.

17:58All they'd have to do is to send out an SOS and the others were down tools and come running.

18:03Ah!

18:04Oh yeah!

18:06I'll tell you how something.

18:07If you ever want to get this place finished, you'd better look your mates up again.

18:11Good morning.

18:12Good morning.

18:13Good morning.

18:14Good morning.

18:15Good morning.

18:16Good morning.

18:17Good morning.

18:18Good morning.

18:19Good morning.

18:20What time did you get in last night?

18:22what time did you get in last night can't remember I heard a taxi it must have been at least four

18:37Norm I hate this bread with a bitch in it listen when you're in my house you'll eat what I give

18:46you thanks very much you don't look too delectable yourself Norma hello hello Nev

19:16no no I'm not I'm not staying anymore now no I'm staying with me sister I buddy no I never heard

19:26from by for ages I'm sure he'll have written to you and all because it says there he's wrote all

19:30the lads I well Vera only sends me the post when she feels like it you know I had no idea that you

19:37and her weren't together then yeah not for a while now that's why I'm stuck with me sister I'm really

19:43sorry me it when I watch his leg oh this hazel while he's intended oh the picture liking it it means a

19:54kind enough lad body like you know what I mean so yeah he's obviously doing all right isn't he headed

20:02no paper be Taylor building services all types of work undertaking well he's always good with his money

20:08buddy buddy he was going to the gulf wasn't he hey maybe you met her out there yeah maybe she's a

20:15sheik's daughter hazel sound arabic to you not much anyway we'll find out in the wedding won't we

20:21are you going like well I thought I might do will you not well I'm certainly not gone down a week

20:28early to help him fix up his house what a bloody cheek obviously all types of work undertaking doesn't

20:33mean he's one place still be a reunion wouldn't it see the lads and he's offering cash yeah no

20:40some of us could do with the cash you know then we're not all driving around in jags

20:45that's not my car man why is it not no it belongs to bloat I'm working for oh because when I've seen

20:52you I just assumed you want a pint yeah I can have a pint of lager George pint eggs please

20:57you want to shorten it I'll have a large girls not this type of deal you want to sit down

21:03so what are you like a drive alley no I do all sorts of things

21:18what line of business is Ian who it's bloat you work for man who's having smoke there it is

21:38it's Ali Fraser Ali Fraser what I said aye what do you do for him gun around menacing people

21:48no come on he's not as bad as all that nev not you know Tommy Price his brother owed Ali Fraser he

21:55sent two of his bloats around there to smash him up in front of his wife and bairns you don't want

21:59to say that little bit louder nev you know I think some people in the snug didn't catch our lads

22:02sorry Dennis it's just I never saw a bloat like you working for a bloat like him

22:09oh I used to be a very principled lad nev those days it was principled who sent us back the wife

22:15and the family so is there no chance of you and beer of getting back to Garvey no way no

22:21I mean I still get to see the kids you know that's the good thing about living with me sister you

22:28know

22:28so what will I tell Barry then

22:34tell him what you like

22:37I really fancy gun man I just feel like getting away you know

22:44getting away from flogging rude building sites

22:47not babysitting if the truth were told

22:51you know I've done the

22:54I never thought I'd say this there's times when I feel quite nostalgic for Germany

22:59you you with a picture of bloody misery on the term you wrote there

23:03ah nah but at least I was miserable in a good cause

23:07I thought the sacrifice was worth it because things would be better when I got back

23:11nothing just changed

23:13listen eh

23:17Ollie's in Spain for the next three weeks you know so I'm not pushed

23:21why don't we go down together I'll take the jarg eh

23:24yeah

23:25well yeah I'll not tell Ollie if you would

23:26hey I really fancy it

23:28might do we both a bit of good eh have a few laughs

23:30what you mean going down early and helping with the house

23:32well mate as well aye I think I can just about remember how to lay a brick

23:35yeah

23:36hey we'll afford them

23:36no no we'll just turn up and surprise them eh

23:39yeah

23:40Brickie's in mercy dash

23:41have trouble we'll travel

23:42aye Tuesday we're going to Tuesday after dinner

23:44oh I'll have to ask Brenda

23:47of course you should go pet

23:49oh how can I go man

23:51what about Debbie

23:53but Deborah will go to me mam's

23:56John might come up

23:57they'll be earning money down there

24:00oh I put too much salt in this casserole didn't I

24:05no pet it's lovely

24:06oh I've made better

24:07look if you go Tuesday that's perfect because I'm not working

24:11so I'll have the whole day with Debs and I can take her to me mam's first thing Wednesday morning

24:14you want me to go don't you

24:16I said so pet

24:18do you want a glass of water

24:20a couple of years back you'd have been dead set against it

24:24well perhaps I've grown up a bit since then never

24:27you need a break pet

24:29you need to work

24:31you must be sick of minding house and making casseroles

24:34when you have some time with your friends

24:36I suppose you'll have more time to play badminton with doctors

24:40you're being very immature level

24:42you want to go you know you do

24:45but you've got some fixed idea in your head that the wife shouldn't want to let you go

24:49I thought we'd proved in the last few months that we could accept changing roles

24:54oh you might have accepted it

24:56oh Neville

24:57I like my job I really love it

25:00I like working and I like doing something useful

25:03and if I'm the one who's

25:05well who's

25:06supporting us

25:07supporting us

25:08then that's okay because we're a family

25:10and the way things are today families have to rethink things

25:13most of your friends are out of work

25:15your brother hasn't had a job in a year

25:17that's why Valerie went back to hairdressing

25:19and there's something I've never told you about Audrey

25:22what?

25:24if you ever breathe the word of this to Tony or anybody I'll kill you

25:27of course I won't

25:29what?

25:30well since he was laid off at concert

25:32Audrey's been stripping

25:33stripping?

25:35for money?

25:36well not for fun Neville

25:37it's no laughing matter taking your clothes off at working men's clubs

25:41and stag parties and police benefits

25:43never

25:44my child's got the body for it

25:47well mine's not too bad

25:48aye

25:49you'll stick to the hospital

25:50it's a bloody miracle this letter ever reached us

25:57they sent it to me old address

26:00who sent it to the steamship company

26:02who sent it to me mother

26:03who sent it here

26:03was your good mind this Barry?

26:07we were in Germany together

26:08didn't have a lot in common with him really

26:11set acne

26:13he must have cleared up

26:17if he's getting married

26:18still like to be there though

26:21see the lads

26:22reminisce about the manky times we had in that crap hole

26:26you're a bit of a sentimentalist at heartbox

26:29yeah

26:30suppose they are nearly

26:31move your arses you two

26:38we've just taken a well-earned break Mr Galloway

26:40you will finish this place by nightfall

26:42even if it takes you to tomorrow morning

26:44as understood

26:45crystal clear sir

26:47I'll send them a postcard

26:53if it's really good mate

27:00maybe we'll put the wedding back a year

27:02you know the reason I left this country in the first place didn't you

27:05I'll tell you

27:06in a word

27:07Margaret bloody Thatcher that's why

27:10because I'd had it

27:11I was up to there with what she'd created

27:12bloody wasteland

27:14desolate

27:15no joy

27:16no hope

27:17no note

27:17where kids get to 21

27:19they've never done a day's work in their life

27:21honest men up to gang

27:22out thieving to feed our families

27:24young birds can buy heroin in the bike sheds at school

27:27oh dear

27:27but I thought

27:28nah nah nah

27:29it's got to be getting better

27:30can it be as bad as what it was can it

27:32I was willing to give you lot the benefit of the doubt on this one you know

27:35but nah nah nah

27:36what happens

27:37what happens is I've been back on me native south for 14 minutes

27:41and I'm subjected to this

27:42act of fascist intimidation

27:45because that's what it is you know

27:46that's what it is

27:47and I'll be writing to me MP about this

27:49spread

27:53what do you think they're going to feed up there

28:01you straight up on your castle you needed

28:04Barry

28:06it's Wayne

28:08yeah

28:09how are you my son

28:12congratulations

28:14always had faith in you Barry

28:16no matter what the rest of them said

28:17I might think my counselling may have contributed to this starting development

28:23I'm on me way son

28:25I'm on me way

28:26I don't know

28:28some naff cat up the end one

28:30here

28:32don't you start without me will you

28:34of course I won't embarrass your hazel

28:38I'm a married man myself now

28:39aren't I

28:40yeah

28:41two years

28:42changed character Barry

28:44I don't know

28:47about six I should read

28:48you're real

28:49catch you later

28:50hi guys

28:59which way are you going then eh

29:02do you need a ride

29:02fish guard

29:05is that on your way

29:07it's near enough isn't it

29:09hello Hayes

29:19hello kid it's me

29:21listen

29:22listen

29:23Wayne's coming

29:24oh

29:25he just called me

29:26yeah

29:27listen

29:28I'll wait here for him right

29:30until he gets here

29:32then I'll take him over to me mother's

29:33for a wash and brush up right

29:35and then I'll meet you at the

29:36at the

29:36the way laying

29:37or eight o'clock

29:38right

29:40listen kid

29:42will you book a table

29:43because it gets busy

29:44alright

29:44okay

29:46alright

29:46turn off for a bit

29:47bye

29:48alright Malcolm

29:59get a severe

30:00look over the place

30:01no no no

30:03we'll talk about the details

30:04when I get there

30:05okay

30:05bye for now

30:06chat

30:06when you get where

30:07sorry

30:09wait

30:09I've just heard you on the phone

30:10where you going

30:11home

30:12but we've only just got here

30:13oh no

30:14I didn't say you had to go home

30:15Vicky

30:15I have got to go home

30:16something very important has cropped up

30:18I'll be way about three days

30:20tops

30:20well by the way

30:21will you get one to the airport

30:22just check out the flights

30:23first thing in the morning

30:23but what am I going to do here

30:25on me own

30:26for three days

30:27I mean wait

30:27the pool's not even finished

30:29do what you do best

30:30Vicky

30:31shop

30:33all the armistice and stripping

30:44hey for god's sake

30:45didn't tell anybody

30:46because I'm sworn in secrecy

30:47Tony doesn't know

30:49apparently not

30:50aye well

30:52a lot of us end up doing things

30:53we're not proud of

30:54look at me

30:55what

30:56you mean working for Ali Fraser

30:58well your nice reputation

31:00never mean who in the north east doesn't

31:01mind you it's all very legitimate

31:03these days you know

31:04it's all solar heating

31:05and sauna baths

31:07property

31:07does he still do the fruit machines

31:10no

31:11video arcades they call him now

31:12still the stuff he can skim like

31:15you know

31:15but there's a whole army

31:16nameplate companies

31:17and solicitors between him and the law

31:19so

31:21what do you do actually

31:23I'm just a glorified gopher

31:26gopher

31:27you know go for the golf clubs

31:29go for the waif

31:30go for the dry cleaning

31:32frankly never that's why I never kept in touch

31:36like I said before you know

31:39I'm proud of the plate

31:41just how I look eh

31:45what's that

31:46do you see that bloke's face

31:48here's us off on we're owns in a

31:51flash jag

31:52wouldn't you think fate could have provided us with a

31:55couple of Swedish nurses

31:56hang on a minute here

32:11I've just got to go and sort a bit of dessert

32:12I think I'm going to ask you

32:14I'm going to ask you

32:16take your hair drive home

32:18take your hair drive home

32:20go on

32:34where are you at the end of the day?

32:36All right, Tom.

32:38Wayne?

32:39Wayne?

32:40What a little heart attack.

32:43Hello, my son.

32:45Hello, Wayne.

32:47Give me five traits of skin.

32:49I've been watching a basketball on Channel 4, have we?

32:52I thought it was the Muppets.

32:53Oh, that seemed a bit strange to me.

32:54All those seven-foot American Negroes playing for Milton Keynes.

32:57Yeah. I hope this isn't Hazel.

32:58I hope you ain't changed that much, son.

33:00No, no, this is Trev.

33:02Oh, Trev, this is Wayne.

33:04I'm sorry to start with your son. It was meant for him.

33:06So where's the lads, then?

33:07Well, they're, um...

33:09Hold up a minute.

33:13You wrote to me saying this was going to be the big reunion, class of 82.

33:17I wrote to all of you, didn't I, Trev?

33:19All right, close, didn't I?

33:21Well, that's one up on the old old Trev, isn't it?

33:23Bomber's coming.

33:25Maybe.

33:26What about the others?

33:28I don't want to nerf them, yes.

33:30Still, at least you've got each other.

33:32The Magnificent Two.

33:34Trevor, Trevor, don't you have to pick up those breeze blocks?

33:50So, how are you, then?

33:52Ah, busted.

33:54Oh.

33:55I drove all the way...

33:57Oh.

33:58I was just going to say, I drove all the way from Tilbury,

34:00because you said we was going to have a bit of an ease up.

34:03Yeah, well, it's not easy, you know, Wayne, getting you lot together.

34:06Bit of gypsy in the soul of all of you, mate.

34:09I mean, Moxie's always lived at no fixed-up ode.

34:12My letter to Oz was returned, not known at this address.

34:15Look.

34:16That's from his wife.

34:18But what about Dennis and Nev?

34:20I mean, they ain't gadabouts, are they?

34:22I must admit, Wayne, I'm very disappointed in them two.

34:26I thought my letter at least justified the courtesy of the reply.

34:30So, it's just us two, is it?

34:33Well, if it's a bit of a letdown, if I were you, I wouldn't have one buck to two or per hour.

34:37All right, look, I just flaming got here, didn't I?

34:41Excuse us?

34:43I don't know how long you're planning on leaving us in the car, Wayne,

34:46but we're bursting for a pee.

34:49Yeah, I'm sorry about that, girls.

34:51Um, Barry, does your house yet boast a bog?

34:54I mean, toilet.

34:55Yes, sir, on the first floor landing.

35:00Thanks.

35:01Thanks, sir.

35:09Who are they?

35:10A couple of girls, Linda and Pippa.

35:12I can see they're a couple of girls, Wayne.

35:14Well, they're hitchhikers, aren't they, on their way to Ireland by way of Fishguard.

35:17Wolverhampton is not a natural stop-and-off place on the way to Fishguard, Wayne,

35:20even if you are desperate for a purge.

35:22I know about that, Barry, but they are pretty tasty, you know.

35:24Even in their manor acts.

35:27I am deeply disappointed in you, Wayne.

35:31Why?

35:32Because you haven't changed.

35:34No growth has taken place since Dusseldorf.

35:37Marriage, apparently, has made no impact at all.

35:40Of course it has.

35:41I mean, before I got married, I'd have jumped in two by Newport Pagnall.

35:45Oh, still the same unbearable sexist conceit.

35:49Still assuming that every female will be taken in by your transparent cockney charm.

35:55Hey.

35:56Hey.

35:57Those two ain't dim, Barry.

35:58They're from Maidstone Polly, so they can map read, right?

36:01So they know it's a bit of a detour, but they're quite willing to stop over.

36:04Stop over where?

36:05Well, it ain't exactly what a Wolverhampton Horton is, it'd be all due.

36:08Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

36:11You're not doing it here.

36:13No one's doing it here.

36:14Not before I do.

36:17Oh, take your pick.

36:18I ain't fussy.

36:19Do you mind?

36:20I'm talking about my brighter bee, Hazel.

36:23This place is, please, sacred to us.

36:28Oh, yeah.

36:29Yeah, it's a temple, Barry.

36:31I can see that.

36:32And you and I are meeting, Hazel, eight o'clock in the Wayling.

36:35In the Way what?

36:36The Wayling.

36:37Finest Pekingese cuisine in the whole of the West Midlands.

36:41Did somebody mention Chinese food?

36:43Hello?

36:44Hello?

36:45No, I can hear you, but you are a bit faint.

37:01Who is it?

37:02Mr Fraser.

37:04Oh, hello.

37:06How's Spain?

37:07What?

37:08No, he isn't here at the minute.

37:10Just a minute.

37:11Well, I'll take a message if you like.

37:13Right.

37:14Hang on a se...

37:15Oh.

37:16Just a minute.

37:19Er, I'll just have to go and get a pen.

37:21Hang on a bit.

37:22Just a minute.

37:40Hello?

37:41Yes, I'm back.

37:42Yes.

37:43What was that?

37:44British Airways, 12.45.

37:45Yep.

37:46Hang on.

37:47Yes, I've got it.

37:4812.45.

37:49Tomorrow?

37:50Oh, you're coming back early?

37:51No, I know that's no problem.

37:54No, you'll be there.

37:55This is it.

37:56It's only a crescent.

37:57Tell me it's number 15.

37:58Better be.

37:59We'll run out of people to ask.

38:00Oh.

38:01Oh.

38:02Oh.

38:03Oh.

38:04Oh.

38:05Oh.

38:06Oh.

38:07Oh.

38:08Oh.

38:09Oh.

38:10Oh.

38:11Oh.

38:12Oh.

38:13Oh.

38:14Oh.

38:15Oh.

38:16Oh.

38:17Oh.

38:18Oh.

38:19Oh.

38:20Oh.

38:21Oh.

38:22Oh.

38:23Ah.

38:24Oh.

38:25Oh.

38:26Oh.

38:27Oh.

38:28Oh.

38:29Ah.

38:30Any lights on?

38:32They must be out.

38:33Say mother, bye.

38:34Four-and-a-half hours from Newcastle,

38:35and a now-and-a-half to find Townley Bloody Crescent.

38:36Nice houses, therefore, Den.

38:37Victorian.

38:38Keep the value of these.

38:39Oh, hey.

38:40This is the place.

38:41You've left a note.

38:42For a bomber.

38:43Oh.

38:44The bomber's coming great.

38:45Right.

38:46We're at The Belling Dragon,

38:47hear all the instructions.

38:48Cos it's a bit difficult to...

38:49Oh.

38:50Bloody.

38:51Turn left, don't try the top, up the top there, back to the lights.

38:56Right, it's the church.

38:57Back up there, turn left, don't the traffic lights.

38:59That should be it, I think.

39:05Ha-ha!

39:10It's only in retrospect.

39:11Did you appreciate the good times that you once had?

39:14Yeah.

39:15Yeah, darling, I walked you got till it's gone.

39:18In the words of the song.

39:20What song?

39:21Janie, my child.

39:22Who?

39:23Oh, a bit before your time, I'd expect.

39:26I should think Prince is my hallmark, eh?

39:29Yeah, well, look, that's enough about us, isn't it, Barry?

39:32So, what has it got?

39:34Number four pina coladas, eh?

39:36Yes, please, Ray.

39:37Well, I need some cigarettes, I'll just go to the machine and get some.

39:40Hey, Wayne, do you remember that big, fat, funny bloke with the hair lip

39:43who took us on this day trip to Creighton?

39:46What's that?

39:47How's it going, Barry?

39:48I'm going to lose them, Barry.

39:49What?

39:50What do you mean?

39:51There's topics of conversation other than German building sites, all right?

39:54Yeah.

39:55All right.

39:56All right.

39:57All right.

39:58All right.

39:59All right.

40:00Did you miss it?

40:01All right.

40:02All right.

40:03All right.

40:04All right.

40:05All right.

40:06All right.

40:07I was in the Falklands, you know.

40:08All right.

40:09Hey, listen if he's not here, that's it, Ray.

40:11Very quick, Frank in the hotel.

40:13All right.

40:17There he is, look!

40:19Where?

40:20All right, get a look at her.

40:22She's a funny lass, isn't she?

40:25Who'd have thought that?

40:27Oh, it was a hard place for hard men to do a hard job.

40:35The only thing that kept more sanitary was the table, tennis table.

40:39Do you apply at all at the pool, eh?

40:42What?

40:43Ping-pong, Pippa?

40:45No.

40:46Ah.

40:47Dennis, never!

40:49Ah, frosty!

40:51Hey, what's your listening, eh?

40:54These are the black sauce tini-bats from Germany, aren't they?

40:57Oh, Hazel, very pleased to meet you, Pess.

40:59Ah, get on, Nev, kiss the bride, son.

41:02Oh, no, I'm Pippa.

41:04Well, where's Hazel?

41:05No, Hazel's at the Wailing.

41:09Oh, my gosh.

41:11She's been there since 8 o'clock.

41:13It's all right.

41:16Oh, sure, wait.

41:2220 minutes.

41:23I expect he just remembered his wife's birthday.

41:26Hey, you realise you've probably ruined Barry's marriage.

41:29Hey, hey, hey, come on, poor son.

41:32So, hey, listen, what are you going to do with them?

41:34I know what I'd like to do, but the question is where, innit?

41:38I mean, it's all very well Barry pissing off in a panic, but, I mean, er...

41:41Where's that man, Sam?

41:43I mean, where are we going to stay?

41:45Oh, how are you, man, Wayne?

41:46He's got a lot on his plate at the moment.

41:48Oh, come on, he brought this on himself.

41:50It was him that brought us lunatics back together.

41:52Who showed us it, lads?

41:54Oh, brother!

41:56Hazel, Hazel, Hazel, Hazel, I went to the restaurant, Robert, you've gone, yes?

42:03No, I was late, I admit that, but I was trying to get the radiators installed.

42:08You're not very amused, you know.

42:09I don't think your evening was entirely wasted, Hazel.

42:12No, they gave me the bill, yes, right through the card, you went.

42:16I mean, was it really necessary to have four bottles of sake, three egg-foo young...

42:20I'm surprised you've never been sake humiliated in all my life.

42:22Hazel, please, could you just let me and her talk about this in a civilised manner?

42:25As far as all your friends have arrived, then, you're making them feel happy.

42:28What about me?

42:29Yes, yes, yes, my friends have arrived, but you know why, don't you?

42:33Yes, you know why?

42:34Well, they've come from the far-flung corners of the country to do off our house.

42:37Why don't they just go back again, Barry?

42:39Why don't you go with them?

42:44All right, I will go and join them, yes, yes.

42:47They will probably be in the Bell and Dragon, drinking penis collardus till dawn.

43:00Um, excuse me, miss, I wonder if you could really help me.

43:03I'm trying to get into the, er...

43:05I always thought that wrestling was rigged.

43:08If that's the case, Neville, then how can I always bloody well lose?

43:12Last orders, please.

43:13All right, here, Chief.

43:15Eh, what do you want, Neville?

43:16All right.

43:17Oh, just off?

43:18Eh, I'll have a lard scotch and, er, no ice.

43:21Right, pint and half a bit of lard scotch.

43:24No ice.

43:24Den's knocking back the hard stuff, isn't he?

43:29Or is he just the excitement of Dick Angel?

43:31Well, I've hardly seen him, bum, actually.

43:34Oh, Lord, mate, I did have a drink with him last week and he was knocking back the scotches at dinner time.

43:38Ah, it's all right if you can afford it.

43:40Of course, he went buckling with family enough.

43:43Never were, don't you?

43:44Is that right?

43:45So he gives up Dagmar and, er, ends up with nothing.

43:49You know, at least I hurt him pretty hard.

43:52Look, lads, I've been addressing myself to the problems of accommodation.

43:56Now, apparently, there's a B&B down the road, or there's a lovely motel half a mile past around about.

44:01Motel?

44:01Yeah, I fancy the latter myself.

44:03I thought we were all good for a curry.

44:04Oh, no, no, I'm going to give a vindaloo a miss.

44:07I've never found it much conducive to romance.

44:10So, are Dennis Patterson here?

44:11Aye, I'm Dennis.

44:15Oh, hey, put us a phone call for you.

44:16Eh?

44:17What?

44:17Can't be for me, man, anybody knows I'm here.

44:20No, honest.

44:20Are you Dennis Patterson?

44:22Aye.

44:29Hello?

44:30So where are we staying, then, then?

44:31There.

44:32Where are we?

44:32Oh, Boris, I suppose.

44:34There ain't many amenities, mate.

44:35If I were you, I'd come with us.

44:37Might need a bit of, er, immoral support.

44:45What was that, then?

44:46Was it Norma?

44:48Yeah.

44:49It's Barry.

44:50How's he coming back?

44:52Yeah.

44:53Right.

44:55By the way, we went across to see him.

44:58He's, er, being breathalyzed.

45:01He, he, he, he, he, he, he.

45:02Oh, ho, ho.

45:09Oh, ho, man.

45:10Get your boat down, man.

45:12We're not going to a bloody funeral, you know.

45:14Oh, I'm not used to Jaguars, Dennis.

45:17Anyway, I'm only driving because you're the one that should have been breathalyzed.

45:21Guess who was.

45:23What a catastrophic night.

45:26I was really looking forward to this.

45:28Well, it wouldn't be like being a nurse.

45:30I'm just saying.

45:30Yeah, you're bleeding selfish, you are, Barry.

45:34What do you mean?

45:36Well, hasn't it crossed your mind that you being breathalyzed is totally bollocks my evening?

45:40How am I done with that side?

45:57Go on now, we'll go back.

45:58Oh, it's not too bad.

46:20It's just too late, actually.

46:21Oh, bloody hell, man.

46:22Have you busted all the winging, man?

46:24How am I going to get that fixed before Ollie gets back?

46:27Who's Ollie?

46:30That'll be I, so.

46:57My God, here we are.

47:08We've got our work cut out here, haven't we?

47:13I suppose the beer's out of the question.

47:16Some long-handed kitchen.

47:17She rang off.

47:24Just as I got dinner like.

47:25Well, I've thrown her back.

47:26No.

47:28Classy wasn't her.

47:30Might wake her up.

47:31I wouldn't call her in any case, Barry.

47:33You know, don't demean yourself.

47:34You've done the gentlemanly thing.

47:36You went round there good as gold.

47:38What's she do?

47:38She gives you the Spanish archer.

47:40Oh, what?

47:41Elbow.

47:43So now it's her move, right?

47:45But let her sweat overnight, son.

47:46It increases the panic in the morning.

47:48Yeah, Barry.

47:49Where are we sleeping?

47:50Well, under the circus.

47:52I suppose you'd better keep down here.

47:54Yeah, I don't believe this, Barry.

47:56I mean, it's one thing to arrange a reunion.

47:59I mean, did he have to recreate the squall I once lived in?

48:02At least we had a storm in Germany.

48:04If I'd known you were coming, I'd have made some arrangements.

48:07Wayne only phoned me from the motorway.

48:09Yeah, you old bomber was coming.

48:11I made some arrangements for bomber, didn't I?

48:13I could have camped upstairs with Uwe.

48:16Did you leave your window, Murray?

48:17Of course not.

48:19Oh, now.

48:20Oh, blimey.

48:31That's been forced, man.

48:33Oh, blimey, that's a big panster lot.

48:44Yeah, what about that Trevor?

48:45Oh, he's still got a minute's overtime, him.

48:48He spent all his evenings painting left-wing slogans on viaduct walls.

48:54Unbelievable.

48:55One night, my fiancée's buggered off, I've been breathalyzed and burkled.

48:59It'll be tough.

49:00Find us Dalton here at the tip.

49:01Oh, no, Dan.

49:02When I was here earlier, there was a three-piece suite and a lovely cocktail cabinet.

49:06Look, this isn't funny, Wayne.

49:08There's tools here.

49:10Downstairs is my registered office with all my papers and files.

49:14Not to mention me, petty cat.

49:15Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

49:19Somebody upstairs.

49:22And he's coming down.

49:24Hold your horses.

49:25With us lads, it's been a warning that you come here.

49:32Get down, get down, kick in, kick in, kick in, kick in.

49:35What?

49:35What's...

49:36Moxie!

49:37There was no one here, so I let myself in.

49:43Sorry I'm late, lads.

49:45Had a bit of trouble getting away.

49:46Yes, it started a while ago

50:00Just strangers thrown together

50:04Helpless heroes caught in a dream

50:07Boy, we made such a crazy team

50:11Out of luck

50:13And out on the limb

50:14We saw each other three

50:17Loved it off

50:20And then we shared a few

50:22Back with the boys again

50:26Back with the boys again

50:33Oh, we're back

50:58Back with the boys again

51:02Yeah, we're back

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