- 5 months ago
First broadcast 21st March 1986.
The magnificent seven are forced to camp out in Thornley Manor.
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser
James Booth - Kenny Ames
John Bowler - Howard Radcliff
Roger Rowland - Rev. Ian Burton
Paddy Joyce - The Ghost
Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle
Val McLane - Norma
Lesley Saint-John - Vicki
Jilly Johnson - Girl on Video
The magnificent seven are forced to camp out in Thornley Manor.
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser
James Booth - Kenny Ames
John Bowler - Howard Radcliff
Roger Rowland - Rev. Ian Burton
Paddy Joyce - The Ghost
Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle
Val McLane - Norma
Lesley Saint-John - Vicki
Jilly Johnson - Girl on Video
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00No one said it was going to be easy
00:17Nobody said it had to be fair
00:26All of the chances taken together
00:29And all the changes we had to share
00:35Well, you think we've made it all worthwhile
00:42Then you realize no one cares
00:50But we're going to get it right this time
00:55Cause we've passed the point of no return
01:01And we're never going to go down alone again
01:08New room at the inn?
01:36Again, same old story
01:41Suddenly part of your traveling salesman booked in this afternoon
01:44You know what I mean?
01:53Any joy, Barry?
01:54I've got three spare rooms
02:00But it's strictly no overalls
02:02No muddy boots
02:03No alcohol
02:04And lights out by 10.30
02:05Could be worse
02:07It is
02:08If I've only got double bets
02:10And one of us will have to sleep with us
02:11What's the score?
02:35Five knockbacks
02:37Everywhere we've tried
02:38It's had a small space of bookings
02:40Yeah, it's obvious the old Pringles being on a blow
02:42Looks like we've been blacklisted by the entire
02:45Licensed vegetable association of North Derbyshire
02:47Oh, we've not done much better
02:49Yeah?
02:49The places we've tried aren't exactly geared to the needs of the working man
02:52Well, spa country, this, isn't it, have I?
02:57Gentility rules
02:58So what'll we do now?
03:01Well, as contingency plans I and B seem to have found
03:05I suggest we try contingency plans, eh?
03:08Which is what?
03:09Find somewhere in Chesterfield
03:11Chesterfield?
03:13That's going to mean a 50-mile round trip
03:15Look, man, we're going to be wrecked before we even get to work
03:17Which means we're going to be more wrecked before we get on the drink
03:20Which leaves contingency plan E
03:24What's that?
03:25Which is what?
03:26Moving to the house itself
03:27Oh, I don't know
03:29It gets my vote, fellas
03:31Listen, listen
03:31It's cheap, right?
03:32It's big
03:33And we'll have it all to ourselves, right?
03:35Yeah, right
03:35It gets my votes and all
03:36I stayed in the pantry one night and survived
03:39Only trust
03:40Ah, it's pretty crusty, though, isn't it?
03:42That's in a hell of a state
03:43Partly due to the fact that we've been knocking seven colours with a leak
03:46I mean, even the rats are pissed off
03:49Look, um
03:51I said we'd give Dennis a ring before eight
03:54See what he says, eh?
03:56Ah, leave it to the leader
03:58Yeah
03:58Okay
04:08Bye, thanks
04:09Thanks a lot
04:10We've drawn a blank
04:15So
04:16Looks like I'm moving to the manor for the moment
04:18Sorry, bummer
04:20It's not your fault, Dennis
04:21You're only the gaffer on site
04:23You can't be responsible for any irresponsible act
04:26If any daft bugger outside of work
04:28Right, come on
04:29You can't pay?
04:41No
04:42No
04:55It's worse at night than it does by day.
05:16No, it's not too bad once you get inside.
05:19Bit like prison, really.
05:25It's like a lot of people here, but it's not too bad.
05:33I think it's a lot of people who live in a lot of people who live in the world.
05:50I found this one.
06:04She'll take the chill off the roof.
06:06You need a bloody blow lamp to take the chill out of the atmosphere, though, won't you?
06:09It is true you wouldn't win any popularity contest at the moment.
06:12Look, if I'd known old Arthur was going to react that badly,
06:16I'd have thought twice about strumping his daughter, wouldn't I?
06:18Yes, and having had those sorts, you'd still have gone and done it.
06:23Not law, that's not your rule, boy, Wayne.
06:25As soon as there's a fire in your loins, there's a freeze-up in your brain.
06:29Yeah, but normally it's only me that suffers, isn't it?
06:32Grey's knee from shinning a few drainpipes.
06:35The odd pulled muscle from doing it to the old bolero at 45 instead of 33.
06:42Yeah, well, look, I might have dropped me mates in it
06:44because I couldn't say no to an afternoon of passion.
06:46It's you and half worth it.
06:49Well, that's some consolation to us, Wayne.
06:53Right, while you finish your jankers,
06:56I'll have a scout round and see if I can't find some mattresses and cushions.
07:04You'd better decide which one of the 22 bedrooms you're going to lock yourself in.
07:07You know, I think it's actually colder out here than it is in the fridge.
07:18I think I'll eat.
07:21Right, lads.
07:22Oh, there.
07:23Hello, there.
07:24Need shopping?
07:25Oh, ho.
07:26Just got some essential supplies from the little village store.
07:29You've got the keys, man, if I'm there.
07:31All right, hold this a minute.
07:32Oh, here.
07:38I've got the receipt for that one now.
07:4727 pounds, 62p.
07:50Aye.
07:52That includes the bog roll.
07:53Ah, yes, yes, that's better, isn't it?
07:59At least one room's habitable.
08:02Yeah, do you know, I could see a sickening in here.
08:06But with the idyllic country view,
08:09nickel and glow from the far side, eh?
08:12Elegant room.
08:14Do you know, this could be, this could be Brideshead Revisited, eh?
08:18Remains me more than Gated Revisited.
08:20All it needs is a tin bath and a half.
08:23Ah, never mind, eh?
08:24Here, look, we'll get some sleeping bags in Asda tomorrow.
08:27That's fantastic.
08:28Yeah, you're right.
08:29Look at that old door opinion, Dick Brown.
08:31You've done with a rest from your way, no care.
08:33All right, fine, fine.
08:34Look, I've tried to say I'm sorry, but I can't do much more, can I?
08:37No, but don't go expecting instant forgiveness, all right?
08:39Ah, it's all right, I told you.
08:41A few days in the doghouse, then.
08:43He keeps his nose clean and stays out of John,
08:44and I might get some remission.
08:46Yeah, but, I mean, Barry sort of likes it here, doesn't he?
08:49I mean, so I'm doing him a favour, ain't I?
08:51Why?
08:52You all right, just, um...
08:56Hey, right, lads, can I just have a minute?
09:02Have as long as you want, Dennis.
09:03We're not going anywhere, are we?
09:06Now then, er...
09:08Lads, considering the short notice
09:10in which our previous tenancy agreement was terminated,
09:13you lads haven't done too bad
09:15to get this place habitable.
09:17I mean, er...
09:18I know, it's not perfect by any means,
09:20but at least it's a roof over your head.
09:22Now, er, as far as the work's concerned,
09:24we've had clearance to start again.
09:26But, er, depending on what Ali Fraser's in mind for the place,
09:28we'll have to wait for the architect to cope with the new plans.
09:31So, er, in the meantime,
09:33if Bummer and Oz,
09:34if you, er, concentrate on the cellar,
09:36you might have cut the panel in
09:40and the plastering's been ripped away.
09:41You can start on the electrical work now, buddy.
09:43Neville, stop in the kitchen.
09:44What's the matter, Moxie, man?
09:47Oh, hi, we've got this, er...
09:50new bloke working for one now.
09:53You tell him, Moxie.
09:54Er, yeah.
09:54Well, er, as some of you already know,
09:57I've got a new identity.
09:59So, as far as officialdom's concerned,
10:01I'm now Brendan Mullerkey.
10:03So, it would help, like,
10:06if you started calling us Brendan
10:08so as I can get used to it.
10:09You're going to take away him.
10:11Yeah, well, you call us by my new name,
10:12but then all of a sudden,
10:13out of the blue light,
10:14call us by the old one,
10:16you know, just to test my reflexes.
10:18You know, you had any Moxie?
10:19Oh, sorry, Brendan.
10:21Hey, what are you?
10:22Shut you up, you bastard.
10:24Right, lads, er,
10:25I've got to leave this happy band.
10:27And, er,
10:28give back the cross keys, are you?
10:30Oh, aye.
10:30Sorry for some, innit?
10:31Look, it's only worth for one night,
10:34Ozman, I'll be back with you lot tomorrow.
10:36Oh, not knowing how you're a gal,
10:37you're not, will you?
10:38What?
10:39I said
10:40that
10:41even though I was sleeping on this height
10:44and there were one travelling time,
10:45I'll read you can tell how he feels I've had.
10:47Oh, aye, well, if he wants to start charging you rent
10:48for living on his property.
10:51Right.
10:52Right, look there.
10:53Oh, aye, here.
10:54I'd better take, er,
10:55your car with me
10:55because you'll largely need the van again, shopper.
10:57Nah, hang on.
10:57Right, come on.
10:58Right, I'll be over tomorrow afternoon
11:03after seeing the architect, all right?
11:04Sleep well?
11:05Oh, aye.
11:06Hey, hey, didn't be too hard on him, man.
11:09I mean, just imagine,
11:09if it wasn't for him now,
11:11he'd be stuck in the, er,
11:12blarly mouth with Arna Pringle
11:14staring down his miserable gob.
11:16Aye.
11:17Drinking freezing cold pints, a bit, eh?
11:20How many games of fives and threes?
11:23Listening to his jukebox
11:25and eating his nice, fresh sandwiches, eh?
11:27Well done, Mundy.
11:29Yeah, well, mate,
11:31I think I'll go down the galley
11:32and get a brew on.
11:35Er, Brendan?
11:40Something tells me
11:41it's going to be a stir, mate.
11:43Oh.
11:43Good morning, Kenneth.
11:55Don't get up.
11:57Allie, my son.
11:59A bit early for you, isn't it?
12:01I hope an earthquake
12:02has not struck Casa del Fraser.
12:04Ah, no, no, no, Kenny,
12:05but as it happens,
12:06it is property
12:07that I would like to discuss with you.
12:09Oh, certainly.
12:11I take it from the briskness of your manner,
12:13but is your manner
12:14giving you concern again?
12:15You know, it's funny
12:16you should anticipate that, Kenny.
12:17It's almost as if you knew
12:18about the problems
12:19I would have with this house
12:20before you sold it to me.
12:22Oh, no, no.
12:23Nothing like that.
12:24No, it's just that I'm feeling
12:26rather perceptive today.
12:29How can I help you?
12:32I just had a word
12:32with this architect of mine,
12:34and he tells me
12:34that there is reasonable
12:36of limited scope
12:37for us to redevelop
12:39the interior of the house
12:40provided we do not molest
12:42the exterior.
12:43It's a bit like having
12:44an arse lift
12:45without a facelift, isn't it?
12:47Very good, yeah.
12:48Yes, I'm also reliably informed
12:50that the idea
12:50of time-sharing units
12:52would be a non-runner
12:52as far as the local authority
12:54is concerned,
12:54and as for your idea
12:55of a fat farm,
12:57well, that would be
12:57no more generously considered.
13:00Oh.
13:02Why don't you threaten
13:03to sell it to one of those
13:04bag-washed religious sicks?
13:05That'd soon make the council
13:07change our tune, wouldn't it?
13:08Look, I'd be interested
13:08in other more practical
13:09suggestions, Kenny.
13:11Oh.
13:12Oh, yeah, have a drink, yeah.
13:15Well, let's see
13:15what we can find.
13:22Here we are, just a job.
13:24Private nursing home.
13:27As they term it,
13:28retired gentlefolk.
13:30There you go, son.
13:31Sprouting up
13:32all over the place they are.
13:33Well, that sounds
13:35a bit of a change
13:36from my country pads
13:37for city slickers idea.
13:39No, you're simply going
13:41from exploiting disposable income
13:42to exploiting disposable people.
13:44And actually,
13:45there's more purse
13:46in the latter.
13:47Who do you reckon that, Kenny?
13:49Uh,
13:50well, there's more turnover
13:51of people.
13:52Obvious, isn't it?
13:54And the other beauty
13:55of this situation is,
13:57not only do you get fees
13:58from the DHSS,
14:00but also from grateful couples
14:01those grannies,
14:02you've got off their hands,
14:04okay?
14:05It's a win in a place, son.
14:07You seem remarkably well-informed
14:09about all those, Kenny.
14:10Oh, yeah.
14:12One of these was high
14:13on my investment portfolio
14:14before my enforced exile.
14:22Oh, come on, Allie,
14:23it's a cinch.
14:24After your initial building cost,
14:25your only overheads
14:26are for the soup
14:27to walk in frames
14:28and an old matron
14:29has winter dressing.
14:31And what council,
14:32with a heart,
14:32is going to turn down
14:33building permission
14:34for an old folk zone?
14:35I mean, I ask you.
14:37Well, I'll have a word
14:37with my man on the spot.
14:40See what he says.
14:41Now, are you pitching
14:42for this, son?
14:43And Bob's your own?
14:45Old granddad,
14:46in this case.
14:47Oh, yeah.
14:51I told you
14:52I was feeling perceptive today.
14:56And, uh,
14:59if there was any
14:59lingering grievance,
15:02you know,
15:02about me,
15:03which I'm sure it is not,
15:04about me having sold you
15:06this very desirable
15:07piece of property.
15:08Well, uh,
15:10we're sweet, aren't we?
15:14Yes.
15:15For the time being, Kenny.
15:18Good.
15:21You take this regularly, then?
15:24Oh, yeah.
15:25Yeah.
15:26I get very nostalgic
15:28for the old country.
15:30Living abroad
15:31makes me miss
15:33all those English things,
15:34you know,
15:34like the GGs,
15:36my executive box at Spurs,
15:39cold, misty mornings
15:40and English breakfast
15:42to go with them.
15:47And again,
15:50at our competitions,
15:53you see.
15:54And then,
15:54again,
16:03there are
16:04our
16:04Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
16:21Bloody hell, I thought it was a green goddess for a minute.
16:24Nah, clean Christian, eh, mate?
16:26Here, give the latter a shout.
16:27Will you tell me their first country house breakfast is nearly ready, will you?
16:30Hey-ho!
16:34Shake your leg, you lot. Grub's up.
16:51Well, there's Oz.
16:52Woke up to her in the night, didn't he?
16:55Complaining about my snorting.
16:57Yeah, and he couldn't get back to sleep because his owl kept tooting.
17:02So he lifted up his bed and walked.
17:05What, where he's went?
17:07I'd rather go and see if I can find him, I suppose.
17:11Must be the only bloke I know who can sleep through the smell of hot lard.
17:29Fuck, lads.
17:32Oz!
17:37Oz!
17:59Oz!
18:06I told you never to wake me in daylight's lane.
18:13Well, I'll give you a ring during the week.
18:15No, I'll have to ring you, Pat,
18:16cos I'm moving in again with the lads tonight.
18:19Just like old times, eh?
18:21Take care of yourself, Den.
18:23And you take care, too.
18:25You see the band's got a mile over.
18:27OK.
18:28Turn on.
18:29Turn on.
18:58OK.
18:59OK.
19:01OK.
19:10Right.
19:11I think the most efficient thing would be to split up into two groups of two, right?
19:16Then one half can take one half of the list and the other the other, and one can read out while the other gets the stuff off the shelves.
19:21Time and motion, man.
19:22Right.
19:23Me and Moxie will get to be on the bog road.
19:24He still can get the rest.
19:25I think Barry had a slightly more even division of labor in mind, though.
19:26Did he?
19:27Oh, well, tough shit.
19:28He's lucky to get me along on this trip at all.
19:29I never thought I'd see the day I was punching the wood in supermarkets.
19:31Well, this is very nice.
19:32I hope Ali's picking up all the bill for this, is he?
19:33Aye, well, I did manage to persuade him that it would be cheaper for me to rent offices down here than to travel from Newcastle.
19:34Every week.
19:35Aye.
19:36Oh, well, tough shit.
19:37He's lucky to get me along on this trip at all.
19:38I never thought I'd see the day I was punching the wood in supermarkets.
19:55Well, this is very nice.
19:57I hope Ali's picking up all the bill for this, is he?
19:59Aye, well, I did manage to persuade him that it would be cheaper for me to rent offices down here than to travel from Newcastle every week.
20:03Aye, so pretty he wasn't so obliging towards my lads.
20:06We're having to squat at the manor at the moment.
20:08That's the way the cookie crumbles.
20:11Coffee?
20:13Yeah, please.
20:14Milk and sugar?
20:16Two, please, aye.
20:19Is there any word from Ali, then?
20:21Oh, he phoned from Spain this morning.
20:23He was in a very business-like mood.
20:25Ooh, that sounds ominous.
20:28On the contrary, he's made a very shrewd decision as it happens.
20:31Thornley Manor is to become an old folks' home.
20:34Really?
20:35It's a bit of a change from time-sharing flats, isn't it?
20:38Suddenly feeling his age-like, is he?
20:40I don't know what his motives are, but I do know that the planning permission will be a breeze.
20:44Government grants will be available for some of the work, and once completed, the premises will be rate-free.
20:49Oh, that sounds like a good hand.
20:52Does that not alter your plans, though?
20:54I mean, presumably that wipes out the jacuzzi and the noteless gym and the squash coat and the bar and that'll have to go on, eh?
21:00Some alterations will be necessary, obviously.
21:03Oh, wait, let's have a look at the model.
21:10Now, essentially, we'll be altering the balance of the design from...
21:14Sorry, Matt.
21:15...large self-contained units with some communal facilities
21:18to a reduced less private unit space per person but with larger areas for group activity.
21:24Small bedrooms, big bogs, eh?
21:26That will be the strand of the redevelopment, yes.
21:29So, er, how long is it going to take by your new plans then?
21:32Aye, you'll have them by the end of the week.
21:34I've done a few of these oldies homes before. They're a piece of cake, really.
21:37Aye, well, a grown hole's a growth industry, obviously.
21:40Is there anything we can work on in the meantime?
21:42Aye.
21:43Well, the kitchens will need to be extended to accommodate mass catering equipment,
21:48and I should imagine I'll take out that second stairwell and build in a lift.
21:51I'll always assume an alley crumbles the cookie that way, of course, leg.
21:55We shall have to see.
21:56Mm-hm.
21:57Little boxes, eh?
22:00Before they get stuck in the littlest boxes of all.
22:05You'll see, Neville.
22:07Wait till we get sleeping bags organised and a proper rocher for the kitchen.
22:10They just like Germany again.
22:12Aye, that's what I'm afraid of.
22:14Ned, look, whatever deprivations we suffered there
22:17and may be about to suffer again here,
22:19there's no denying that sense of communal spirit, is there?
22:23Erm...
22:24Ah, yes.
22:25Bacon.
22:26Er...
22:27It's rindless.
22:29Best bag be favoured, judging by this morning.
22:32Yeah.
22:33We've all moved on from there, though, Borry, haven't we?
22:35At least we're supposed to have done.
22:36Just another depressing indication of our lack of upward mobility
22:40that we're still here roughing it.
22:42Country house alone.
22:44Smoked or unsmoked?
22:45Erm...
22:46There, I've got three of you to save arguments.
22:49Look, I think I'm trying to draw a distinction between quality of life
22:53and spiritual progress.
22:55Oh, yeah, let's get some wooden loaf to go with this bacon.
22:58Ah, let's get some flour and yeast to go with this bacon.
23:01I'll just as soon have bread, Borry.
23:03You will have.
23:04I'll bake me own now.
23:05Ah.
23:06When those of me were betrothed, I took cookery lessons,
23:09but it was very important not to fall into stereotype roles
23:12vis-Ã -vis domestic chores.
23:14Anyway, one of the things they taught me was I had to make me own bread.
23:18And do you know something, Neville?
23:20When they brought my little brown cob out of the oven,
23:23hand-baked, my me, I...
23:25I nearly cried.
23:26Do you know...
23:27Now I think I know how women must feel when they give birth.
23:36Thirsty workers, isn't it, eh?
23:37Ah, yeah.
23:38I'll tell you what, I've even thirsty, I've strung Wayne up by the bollocks
23:43for this latest indiscretion.
23:44Yeah, and what's bloody thoughtless, even for him?
23:51Mine's got the sense of moderation, Moxie, man, has he?
23:53Enough?
23:54Yeah, they're enough.
23:56Eh...
23:57Oz.
23:59Do you think you could stop calling us, Moxie?
24:01I'm Brendan Mulcahy now.
24:04Is that the best you could get, Brendan Mulcahy?
24:08I mean, Moxie's already, I can get away with that.
24:11Cos it rhymes with poxy, that's now, but...
24:13Can I see as a Brendan, really?
24:15Let alone a Mulcahy?
24:17Yeah, well, I'm stuck with it now, aren't I?
24:20It's either a nickname or a life of constant anxiety
24:23waiting for a gloved hand on me shoulder.
24:26Hold on a minute.
24:35Fancy a point of Guinness, Brendan?
24:38Ha, ha, ha!
24:39Come on.
25:09Listen, had you got so much on board, right, I suggest if we form a human chain between here and the kitchen, right...
25:15Why are you gonna fit into that?
25:17All I'll try to do is to maximise efficiency and minimise effort.
25:21Right. So, if you and Moxie help us with the groceries, Neville and I reciprocate by helping you with a beer.
25:26I don't think I can understand the concept of time-saving, Barry. It's too many years of being paid by the hour.
25:31Excuse me, excuse me, but we just happen to be one jump ahead of you two duck eggs.
25:37Sir Brendan? Smarter than you have at its bare, we are.
25:41I'm not sleeping. After you.
25:43OK, thank you.
25:51How can those two be so smart to think so lads, shall they?
25:55Find that snake there, Moxie!
26:05Where? Where?
26:07So much for special undercover agent Mulcaki, eh? Files at the first fence, doesn't he?
26:13It's hardly a fair test, Oz.
26:15Anyone would react to a snake warner, no matter what his name was.
26:18That's only what the police will do, though, isn't it, Brendan?
26:20You can't expect them to rate you a lot. They're telling you when they're coming to see you.
26:23I know, I know.
26:24You just have to concentrate a lot harder.
26:26Anyone want a butty? These are them.
26:29I'll try some truth now.
26:31Yeah, not you.
26:39So I think it's gonna be like that, is it, eh?
26:42Sorry, Wayne. You can't expect any consideration from us when you show none in return.
26:46Who is this Brendan Mulcahy, anyway?
26:52It's Mulcahy, Barry.
26:53No, that's not. It's Mulcahy. It's the name of the papers.
26:57Yeah, I know. I can't pronounce that, though.
27:00What's the point of having us a false name, then?
27:03Well, I didn't have any choice in the matter, you know.
27:05I didn't go to rent a name. It was an alehouse in Kilbane.
27:08I could hardly call myself Fitzherbert C-C-C-C-Ruthers.
27:12Well, she does as well, isn't it, cos you can't pronounce that either, can you?
27:15Well, is Brendan Mulcahy, anyway? I mean, does he exist, or is he just a creation?
27:20He's probably a dead man.
27:21I don't know how he feels.
27:23See, what happens is, one Mick snuffs it over there in Potato Land,
27:27and his family flog his passport and that to another Mick,
27:30so he can come over here and work, you know.
27:32That's not all you might have got to either.
27:34What, you mean the IRA bomber?
27:36The IRA bomber's right.
27:38You might find the anti-terror squad on your tail, Brendan, as well as the ordinary bloods.
27:42You're really reassuring, you are, Oz.
27:44Hello, Den's back. Seven or Sarny, someone.
27:48What's this, Teddy Bear's picnic?
27:51No, no, it's a dinner break, Dennis.
27:53Of which, incidentally, you happen to have, er, twelve minutes left.
27:57What's going on, then, Den? Any word for Manny Frasier?
28:01Aye. As from now, lads, we're working on Thornley Manor, a rest home for retired gentlefolk.
28:06Ah, that's nice, isn't it?
28:08Although we're on the way now, we've barely crossed the line.
28:12Luck is bound to find us, but it sure is taking its time.
28:19Every day seems a little bit harder to find the will to win.
28:26But we keep on running, and won't look back again.
28:33Maybe tonight, the night, we'll get it together.
28:40For a way to change the top of the pile.
28:47Maybe tonight, the night, we'll get it together.
28:52For a way to change the top of the pile.
29:07Maybe tonight, the night, we'll find what we're after.
29:13One of us may find the answer to living inside.
29:20Hey, Hans!
29:22What?
29:23Look what I found you!
29:28What's up?
29:29I don't know, the video's here, sir.
29:33I don't know what's in them, man.
29:35We don't know what to play them on, haven't we?
29:37Sling them.
29:39All right.
29:40Oh, my God.
29:50Come on.
29:51Good night, there.
29:53Rose, you lay for me.
29:54All straight on to work.
29:55Take care.
29:56Okay.
29:57Oh, Jesus Christ.
30:01Oh, it's just to do that, Stella.
30:11We definitely got the short straw on that one, mate.
30:14Aye.
30:15Police would rather put me in mind of a punk club I worked at for a couple of days.
30:19Well, that's ours, I think it was called.
30:21See, you didn't find any priceless oil paintings or racks of vintage wine down there, did you
30:26know?
30:27A couple of bottles of Shadow Exhibition would have do with me.
30:30Yeah.
30:31There, no.
30:32It's a hard jump.
30:33Oh, put a couple of old video cassettes.
30:35Eh, video cassettes.
30:36Aye, video cassettes.
30:38You know, cassettes would go into videos.
30:40Yeah, I know.
30:41What for?
30:42No, I was just thinking, you know, they might be a bit tasty.
30:44Bearing in mind that the former owner of these premises was a poor nation.
30:49I think we ought to give them a look at that.
30:51You know, just in case they're de-played.
30:53Well, Brendan, tough shit that went in the skip.
30:56Oh, lovely guy.
30:57Well, I wouldn't be too worried, Moxie.
30:59We'll have no de-play them on anybody, haven't I?
31:01Yeah, I know that.
31:03But, I mean, we've got to start thinking about what we're going to do in the evenings
31:06now that the barley mole's out about.
31:08What?
31:09I didn't propose to go and spend my nights looking for a pub we haven't been barred from.
31:12Call me up.
31:13This is James.
31:14He's decent work on his barred.
31:15Nobody fancy giving his hand.
31:16Ah, they're being bollish.
31:17They're supposed to have done away with serfdom, man, haven't they?
31:20You'd be peeing ours.
31:21Anyway, you're still home for them two trout you lifted out of his stream.
31:25Excuse me.
31:26I wouldn't have owed them for them two trout if I had a gut to eat them.
31:29But the bastards hung onto them in the neck, didn't they, for the first supper?
31:32All right.
31:33All right.
31:34See you later.
31:35Aye.
31:36Well, I don't know about anybody else, but I'm going to try the barley mole.
31:43After all, there's only one of us who has trumped the daughter.
31:46Even someone as unreasonable as Arthur Pringle should see that.
31:49I wouldn't bunt like that.
31:51May it's worth a try, I suppose.
31:57There's an object lesson in the futility of mankind.
31:59The last few minutes of conversation will be hard to be.
32:02Oh, get to the point, buddy, will you, if there is one?
32:04The point!
32:05The point!
32:06The point!
32:07Is it here you all are in the most fascinating part of the English countryside,
32:11and you're really statching around like a goldfish in a scorebite's pocket,
32:15trying to find things to amuse yourself with?
32:17I mean, what a pathetic comment on your imaginations.
32:20Got any suggestions in, Blue Peter?
32:23As a matter of fact, yes, I have.
32:26I was working upstairs in the attic, having to gaze out the window and spy a rather lovely thing.
32:30A spire.
32:32Now, you always know what's under a spire, don't you?
32:34Er, let me think, um...
32:37A church.
32:40It's not just a church, Bond.
32:42A store of local history, a museum of architecture.
32:45But, er, has he got a bar, buddy?
32:48Oi.
32:49It's still time.
32:50We could pop down to the local shop, buy some crayons, tape and such like,
32:54and, for instance, spend an evening brass-rubbing.
32:56Well, you're in about one thing, buddy.
32:58I could certainly do to run with a bit of brass than it.
33:01Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
33:04Ah!
33:28Great, lads.
33:29Just give me five minutes to reason with him, all right?
33:31Great.
33:32Well, if that doesn't work, give me two minutes and I'll rip his lungs out.
33:3630 seconds to get out or I'll call the police.
33:37Arthur, hear me out for a minute, please, will you?
33:38Look, look, Arthur, I know the behaviour of, er, of one of our group has caused you much heartache.
33:42Believe you and me, we feel exactly the same about him as you, though.
33:43I mean, that's why we've, er, we've disciplined him ourselves in a way you'll have approved of.
33:44Castration?
33:45Eh, of the social kind, Arthur, yes.
33:46He's, er, he's confined to base.
33:47He's, er...
33:48He's, er, he's in a glass house.
33:49He's your brave fighter you do, Peter.
33:51He's gonna find a doctor who's caught on a ship.
33:52He's gonna guard you back the door.
33:53No, I can't, you know, come on.
33:54But it's just, you know, he goes against you.
33:55Oh, I'll take that off my glass.
33:56And he goes, whee, huh?
33:57Oh, no, no, no, and I'll...
33:58I can't see what I've got done.
33:59I can't see what I've done, sir.
34:00I can't see if we're going to.
34:01I can't see what I've got into it.
34:02Oh, boy.
34:03Look, look, Arthur, I know the behaviour of, er, of one of our group has caused you much heartache.
34:05I mean, that's why we've disciplined him ourselves in a way you would have approved of.
34:08Castration?
34:09Of the social kind, Arthur, yes.
34:11He's confined to base.
34:13He's in a glass house, as you brave fighter pilots might say.
34:18That still leaves the rest of you to make mayhem.
34:21Oh, come on, Arthur. Look, I'm a respectable married man.
34:24I mean, outside in my van, I've got three other men who have done a hard day's graft
34:27and simply want a quiet pint and an evening's conversation at your fair side as a reward.
34:33I mean, they're not rapists or thieves.
34:35Vagabonds?
34:35Was that bastard given in yet, Dennis?
34:40Ah, you're okay.
34:41Oh, my God.
34:51Yeah.
34:52I don't know.
35:22Very good, I must say.
35:31What the fuck?
35:31Hello.
35:32Sorry I startled you.
35:34Oh, no, no, no.
35:39Oh, I'm Barry.
35:41Barry Taylor.
35:43Ian Burton.
35:44Place to make sure.
35:47Oh, I'll help you down more.
35:48I'm just doing a bit of breath rubbing.
35:50So I see.
35:52No, I don't mind at all.
35:54Provided you make a small contribution
35:56to the upkeep of the church.
35:58Oh, yes, of course, yes.
36:00Oh, no, no, please.
36:02Just pop it in the collection box on your way out.
36:05I'm afraid I shall be shutting up the shop in a few minutes.
36:09Ah, it's all right.
36:09I'll come back tomorrow.
36:11I'm surprised he'll be going anywhere.
36:14Oh, I see.
36:15You're staying locally then, are you?
36:17Oh, Thornley Manor.
36:19Yeah, doing a bit of restoration work.
36:21Turned it into an old people's farm, actually.
36:25Oh, yes.
36:27And, um, I'd hope it was being done up.
36:31I don't suppose your chaps fancy a bit of restoration work on my church, do they?
36:35Gratis, of course.
36:36Oh, um, sorry, Vicar.
36:39A bit thin on stone masons in our time.
36:42Now, if it's an extension you want building.
36:44And, um, how are you finding life at the manor?
36:53It must be rather bleak.
36:57Oh, thank you.
36:58Yes, well, the evenings look like they're going to be a bit empty.
37:02That's why I turned my hand to this.
37:04Oh, all the other fellas have gone out on the, uh, gone on the pit, on the, uh, you know,
37:09they've gone for a walk like me now.
37:10Oh, well, if you're all free one evening, do pop around to the vicarage for a cup of tea.
37:17Oh, thank you.
37:19Thank you very much, yes.
37:20Oh, yes, I'm sure they'd like that.
37:22Ah, right.
37:26Well, um, lights out, I'm afraid.
37:31I'll see you to the door.
37:39Thornley Manor, eh?
37:40Oh.
37:42I don't suppose you've had a chance to see the ghost yet?
37:46The, uh, the ghost?
37:48Oh, yes.
37:49It appears a couple of times a year, I gather.
37:55Hey, lads, lads, listen.
37:56Guess what?
37:57Guess what?
37:57Do you want to tell us?
37:58You've found a pub at the bottom of the garden.
38:01And the manager's a pixie.
38:03And the beer's free.
38:05And the different soup and cockneys.
38:07Now, listen, listen.
38:09Thanks to me dipping into local history, Rod,
38:10I've discovered something very interesting about this house.
38:13What?
38:13It's got a ghost.
38:15Well, I hope it's got its own sleeping bag,
38:18because it ain't sharing mine.
38:20Now, listen, apparently, right,
38:21at the end of the last century,
38:23the owner of this house discovered an old tinker
38:25trespassing on his grounds, right,
38:27and blooded him to death.
38:29And now, apparently,
38:30the ghost of this old tinker
38:31stalks the halls and corridors of this house
38:33seeking revenge.
38:34Oh, well, this will get some spirits, in it.
38:36Aye, aye.
38:37Hey, here's your favourite boring one, will you?
38:39Stalked all in the kitchen,
38:40there's a couple of cans of lager.
38:41Joking, mate.
38:43I suggest, for now,
38:43I'll be individually moving around this house in pairs, mate.
38:46Aye.
38:47Aye.
38:51Foddy...
38:53Foddy...
38:53Foddy...
38:56Don't...
38:57Help...
38:59Help...
39:00Hey...
39:01Stop it.
39:04Stop it.
39:06Stop it.
39:07Foddy...
39:08I'm going to pee after that.
39:38I'm going to pee.
40:08I'm going to pee.
40:38I'm going to pee.
41:08Did you ever see the Thomas Crone, Faye?
41:11No, I never went to rock concerts for you. I was too busy working.
41:14Man, it was a film.
41:16And in it, Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway seduced each other across the chessboard.
41:20Well, it was a very sexy scene.
41:25Really?
41:27I imagine you might find that a wee bit uncomfortable, all these bits sticking into your bum.
41:31Oh, I'm going to pee.
41:32We make a move now, otherwise I'm going to be here already.
41:38Do you live dangerously, why don't we?
41:47Yes?
41:49Oh, good morning, Howard. Yes, how are you?
41:52I'm extremely well, Ellie, thank you.
41:53I just thought I'd let you know that our planning application's in
41:56and that my personal contact on the council says there'll be no trouble.
42:00Good. I'm very pleased to hear that.
42:02My new drawings are also coming along nicely.
42:05Good.
42:06I just thought that now would be an opportune time to discuss the costing of the materials.
42:11I've drawn up three different budgets for fittings, surfaces and other interior details.
42:15And, er, how are they running out?
42:18At 22,000, 48,000 and top of the range 65,000.
42:25Er, well, I think, er, Howard, in view of the revised nature of the premises, er,
42:31I think it would be a wee bit of a pity to waste all your fancy dan trappings
42:34on people with one foot in the grave, I think we should err on the side of caution, didn't you, Howard?
42:38As you wish, Ellie, but the first figure I quoted is an absolute rock bottom
42:41using the cheapest materials available.
42:44It's all right, Howard. I've already laid out enough cash on this project.
42:47It's time it started earning a little nest egg for my old age.
42:50So, I want no corner left uncut, Howard. Do you understand?
42:55And you can pass that on to Dennis, too.
42:57Will do.
42:58Incidentally, it may interest you to know that he and his lads are currently staying at the house.
43:03I don't know.
43:04Ah, well, don't mention it just yet, then, Howard,
43:07but I think sometime in the future it might be wise to broach the little subject of rent with them.
43:11I'll get the metres of it as well, if you like.
43:13I was not joking, Howard.
43:15Right.
43:17Well, I'll get the plans out to you by the weekend, Ellie.
43:19Lovely.
43:20Look forward to seeing them then, OK.
43:22All right, bye for now, then.
43:23Bye, Howard.
43:26My God, if Faye done away played chess like you,
43:29she'd be lucky if she'd get a goodnight kiss.
43:30Oh, good evening.
43:39Good evening.
43:40What are you doing?
43:41A pint of bitter, please, and a straight glass.
43:50Have you been here before?
43:54Uh, I think I was in here one lunchtime, a few weeks ago now.
43:59Oh, I thought I'd recognise you.
44:0287p.
44:03Right.
44:06Thanks.
44:07Uh, would it be all right, like,
44:09if I, uh, took some drinks out to my kids?
44:12Yeah, I should think so,
44:13uh, provided they bring the glasses back,
44:14and provided they don't break any.
44:15Oh, no, no, they're, uh, they're very well behaved.
44:18Well, what would it be?
44:19Um, orange juice, Coca-Cola?
44:21Five pints of bitter, please.
44:24They're growing lads.
44:25They must be.
44:29Are you Irish, by any chance?
44:31Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.
44:33Brendan Mulcahy's the name.
44:34Well, you can piss off I don't serve mix in here.
44:36Where's the drinks in?
44:55Wouldn't let us have them.
44:56Why not?
44:57Do you recognise you, Len?
44:58No.
44:59Won't serve mix, apparently.
45:02That man's got about as much charm as a mass grave.
45:05Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
45:11Look at me voices.
45:12Oh, this Pete London's got a boiler in, man.
45:14No, no, they're male voices.
45:16Oh, well, it's either the ghost or Wayne's on the turn.
45:18Oh, yeah, man.
45:19Oh, there.
45:20It's going for you.
45:23Hi, lads.
45:24What's this?
45:24Well, I thought I'd have a night in with the old goggle box.
45:27Where'd all this lot come from?
45:29I brought it, didn't I?
45:30It was the least I could do under the circumstances,
45:33seeing as I dropped you lot in it.
45:34What's the programme, then?
45:35It's one of them tapes that Oz and Bomber found.
45:38I'm not a connoisseur of porn,
45:39but this looks like a golf lesson to me.
45:43Lift it one up in here.
45:45Fast forward a bit.
45:53Well, this is about as interesting as a car park to Barley Moe, isn't it?
45:55Yeah.
45:56Hang on.
45:57Hang on.
45:58Hang on.
45:59I did take the liberty of renting the tape for the evening.
46:03A bit of a culture delight.
46:04What is it?
46:05The stud.
46:06Oh!
46:07I ain't getting it.
46:08That's true.
46:09Thought Joan Collins would go down well.
46:11I don't remember this piece.
46:15What's that?
46:17What's this one?
46:19What was that?
46:20That's not the stud, you duck egg man.
46:22That's Black Beauty.
46:23Oh, you old lady.
46:26But it's an easy enough mistake, isn't it?
46:27I mean, you know, they've both got horses in the title, right?
46:30Yeah.
46:31Well, that was a short-lived pleasure.
46:32Yeah, now, hang on, hang on.
46:33Got one more left, though.
46:34Let's see what's on this one.
46:42Hey!
46:43This is this!
46:45Look, this is this room.
46:46I'm here, man, look!
46:53Hey!
46:53Can you hear this?
47:00Come on!
47:02Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go.
47:31Come on, let's go.
47:32Come on, let's go.
47:32Come on, let's go.
47:33Come on!
47:33Hello!
47:33Hello!
47:34Yes!
47:37I'm Peewee.
47:39Oh!
47:39Oh!
47:40Oh!
47:40Oh!
47:41Oh!
47:41Oh!
47:42Oh!
47:42Get up!
47:43Get up!
47:43Get up!
47:44Get up!
47:44Oh!
47:45Oh!
47:45Oh!
47:46Pringle.
47:46I'm Arthur Pringle.
47:47I'm Arthur Pringle.
47:48Yeah.
47:48Hello, Arthur.
47:49And what do you do?
47:51No.
47:51I run the local pub.
47:53Get the agent market, please.
47:55Hi!
47:56Are you local?
47:57I'm local.
47:58Oh!
47:58If any dog has to be nice to you,
48:00I do want you to be nice to you.
48:03Is that you, Arthur?
48:04Call me, uh, call me Tiger.
48:07Tiger!
48:08Tiger!
48:09Tiger!
48:10Tiger!
48:11Tiger!
48:12Tiger!
48:13Tiger!
48:14Tiger!
48:15Shhh!
48:16Cheers, all.
48:17Cheers.
48:18Oh!
48:19Oh!
48:20Oh!
48:21Cheers!
48:22Cheers!
48:23Cheers!
48:24Cheers!
48:25Cheers!
48:26Cheers!
48:27Cheers!
48:28Cheers!
48:29Cheers!
48:30Cheers!
48:31Cheers!
48:32Cheers!
48:33Cheers!
48:34Cheers!
48:35Cheers!
48:36Cheers!
48:38Cheers!
48:39Cheers!
48:40Cheers!
48:41Cheers!
48:42Cheers!
48:43Cheers!
48:44Cheers!
48:45Cheers!
48:46Cheers!
48:47Cheers!
48:48Cheers!
48:49Cheers!
48:50Great heart, come on, let's get in now.
48:54Come in. I think this is your moment, son. Come on, in.
48:58Come in.
49:09Before you say anything, Arthur, I want you to know we totally understand.
49:13And we'd probably have done the same in your position, you know?
49:16The wife's done a runner, some topless bit of crumpet, it's got its legs wrapped round your neck.
49:20Not only are you rubbish, but you talk rubbish as well. I'm going to call the police.
49:25I wouldn't do that if I were you, old son. They might be interested in seeing this.
49:30Remember a little party at Fawnley Manor? Kenny Ames and a bird called Pee Wee and this bloke with a video camera?
49:36Yes. Mr Arthur Tiger Pringle. This is your life.
49:41Da, da, da, da, da, da.
49:47Yes, it started a while ago
50:03Just strangers thrown together
50:07Helpless heroes caught in a dream
50:10Boy, we made such a crazy team
50:14Out of luck and out on a limb
50:17We saw each other three
50:20Laughed it off when we shared a few
50:25Back with the boys again
50:29Back with the boys again
50:36One for all, a dog for anyone
50:46Long as they play the game
50:49Sharing chances and taking all the blame
50:54Back with the boys again
50:58Oh, we're back
51:01Back with the boys again
51:05Yeah, we're back
51:08Back with the boys again
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