- 6 weeks ago
First broadcast 3rd February 1984.
Dennis's wife announces that she is coming over to Germany - what will it mean for his divorce, and his relationship with Dagmar?
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Brigitte Kahn - Dagmar
Lysette Anthony - Christa
Caroline Hutchison - Vera
Julia Tobin - Brenda
Ray Knight - Barman
Nej Adamson - Turkish Site Worker
Roger Bamford - Man in Airport
Dennis's wife announces that she is coming over to Germany - what will it mean for his divorce, and his relationship with Dagmar?
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Brigitte Kahn - Dagmar
Lysette Anthony - Christa
Caroline Hutchison - Vera
Julia Tobin - Brenda
Ray Knight - Barman
Nej Adamson - Turkish Site Worker
Roger Bamford - Man in Airport
Category
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26:27Oh, charming. Charming.
26:29Now, seriously, what are they for?
26:31No, no, what are you doing, man?
26:33What are you doing?
26:34It's got none of your business what I bought them for.
26:36All right, all right.
26:38I'm not trying to needle you.
26:39No, you better not neither, right?
26:41I ain't belly-footed here.
26:44Hey, what are you going to do with them?
26:47I'll sling them, I suppose.
26:51I'll take them off you.
26:54How much?
26:55How much do you pay for them?
26:57Fifteen quid.
26:58I'll give you half.
26:59Half?
27:00Only two hours old, man.
27:01Yeah, but they're still second-hand, aren't they, eh?
27:03I mean, there's not much demand for second-hand flowers, is there, son.
27:05They're as good as new, look.
27:06No, they're wilting.
27:07Oh, yeah, you should have put them in water, son, otherwise they wilt.
27:09Look at them petals.
27:10No, look at the petals.
27:11Definitely wilting them.
27:12Have they?
27:13Yeah, yeah, well past their prime, son.
27:15I think five quid's a bit over-generous, really.
27:17Well, seven-fifty at the bricks.
27:19Oh, yeah, but they're wilting by the second, aren't they?
27:21I mean, the price goes down, son, even as we speak.
27:23The price goes down.
27:27You're a woman still making the trip, is she, Dan?
27:29Aye, she'll be over the more afternoon, fella.
27:31Putting her in a hotel, are you?
27:33Well, I can hardly put her up in the hut.
27:35Get her, yeah.
27:36All right, sometimes think our wives should stay in the hut.
27:39They should all come over on a charter.
27:42We and I open her for them, seeing where we really live.
27:45Aye.
27:46Might make them realise what a sacrifice we make.
27:48Aye, especially if they saw a king right there.
27:50Aye.
27:53Had a letter from Brenda this morning.
27:55Yeah?
27:56I'd been surprised if you hadn't, eh?
27:59She said she'd been round to see your Vera.
28:01Aye.
28:02She said...
28:03Said what?
28:04Well, she said she couldn't really work out why Vera was so keen on coming over.
28:08Aye, well, he'll know that tomorrow, won't he?
28:10Could be a bit tricky, yeah?
28:13Tricky? How come?
28:14Well...
28:15You know...
28:16You know what?
28:17I'm a man of the world, Dennis.
28:20You and Dagmar.
28:22It could...
28:23Well, it could just be tricky, couldn't it?
28:25Not necessarily.
28:26I mean, you know, Vera will meet Dagmar once she comes out here.
28:28She will?
28:29Well, why not?
28:30Look, it's not as though I'm cheating, you know?
28:31I mean, Dagmar's not my bit on the side.
28:33You know?
28:34I mean, Vera, she's got Alan, hasn't she?
28:35What?
28:36Yeah, but...
28:37There's no butch about it, bonnie lad, man.
28:38That's the way things are, you know?
28:39And the sooner everybody realises that's the way things are, the better.
28:43Fine.
28:44Couldn't agree more.
29:07I'd like you to have these.
29:12For me?
29:17And this is not for Yvette, yeah?
29:23No, not for you, for me.
29:28Now, Wayne, what is going on?
29:30Who do these flowers belong to, hm?
29:33To her.
29:37Just does my heart.
29:38Oh, right there, Wayne.
29:39Coming over the club for the bevy, or what?
29:40Oh, yeah, yeah.
29:41In a minute, lads.
29:42Yeah, yeah.
29:43What are you doing hanging round here, then?
29:44Er, nothing, nothing.
29:45Huh?
29:46I, er...
29:47I thought you were lighting with intent, you know?
29:48I was, erm, waiting for the sunset.
29:49Sunset?
29:50Yeah.
29:51Er, look, I'll, erm...
29:52I'll see you later, lads, all right?
29:53Come on, search yourself, then.
29:54What's he on about?
29:55Sunset?
29:56Well, that's one of the most beautiful things in the world, isn't it?
29:58Do sort of sunset.
29:59If you never notice the exotic glow the sun makes in its dying moment over the asbestos warehouse,
30:00yeah?
30:01Ranked with the Andes, that does, you know.
30:02Or even Mallory.
30:03I'm waiting for the sunset.
30:04I'm waiting for the sunset.
30:05Sunset?
30:06Yeah.
30:07Er, look, I'll, erm...
30:08I'll see you later, lads, all right?
30:09Search yourself, then.
30:10What's he on about?
30:11Sunset?
30:12Well, that's one of the most beautiful things in the world, isn't it?
30:13Do sort of sunset.
30:14If you never notice the exotic glow the sun makes in its dying moment over the asbestos warehouse,
30:24yeah?
30:25Ranked with the Andes, that does, you know.
30:28Or even Malibu.
30:29What's he doing?
30:30I don't know.
30:40I think there's someone waiting for you.
30:42Oh, what should I do now?
30:48Oh, Melle.
30:50You could thank yourself for the flowers.
30:53Ha, ha, ha.
31:01Alles klar.
31:03Wiedersehen.
31:04Tschüss.
31:05Bis morgen.
31:06Schönen Abend noch.
31:10Hello.
31:11I was just passing.
31:14Erm...
31:17Why you buy for me this?
31:20Why'd I buy...
31:21I just felt like it, you know.
31:23Impulse.
31:24Yes, erm...
31:25Thank you so much, yeah?
31:32Er...
31:33They're very lovely.
31:34It's no more than you deserve, is it?
31:35Eh?
31:36Is there other flowers, er, much like these?
31:37Er...
31:38From Oz, I think his name.
31:39Really?
31:40What a coincidence, eh?
31:41Erm...
31:42Look, my name's, erm...
31:43Wayne.
31:44Oh, I know.
31:45So, um...
31:46So, um...
31:47Thank you, babe.
31:48My pleasure, love.
31:49Er...
31:50You...
31:51You...
31:52You...
31:53English, er...
31:54You live there, yeah?
31:55Yeah, in the heart, yeah.
31:56Call it the Starlag.
31:57Er...
31:58You better?
31:59Starlag.
32:00Because it's like a prisoner of war camp, you know.
32:02Oh...
32:03Oh!
32:04Er...
32:05It's a nice camp, yeah?
32:07Nice?
32:08It's not exactly the Yalton, love, but it's okay, you know.
32:11It's a nice camp, yeah.
32:12It's not exactly the Yalton, love, but it's okay, you know.
32:16So, um...
32:17Thank you, babe.
32:18My pleasure, love.
32:20Er, you...
32:21You...
32:22English...
32:23You live there, yeah?
32:24Yeah, in the heart, yeah.
32:26Call it the Starlag.
32:27Er...
32:28Starlag?
32:29It's not exactly the Hilton, love, but it's okay, you know.
32:32Just one of the hardships we have to endure to stay in your wonderful country, you know?
32:36Yeah, er... show me.
32:39You what?
32:41Yeah.
32:44Show me.
32:45Look, it's a bit basic, love.
32:47I mean, it's got old socks and christened things in it, you know?
32:50I really don't think you'd like it that much.
32:52Hey, hey, hey, Ross.
32:58Isn't that Wayne your bird, then?
33:01She's not my bird, man.
33:03Not since I found out that she isn't.
33:05I suppose she wasn't.
33:06Still very tasty, though, isn't she?
33:08Yeah, yeah, you know, when Wayne gets his evil hands on her, mate, you know?
33:12Huh?
33:22See your please?
33:24Yeah.
33:25Well, I did warn you, love, huh?
33:28It's, erm, like army.
33:32Or like prison.
33:39No!
33:40That's it, no!
33:41Don't worry, love!
33:42No!
33:43Oh, come up!
33:44Get, get, stand up!
33:45It's like you!
33:46You're dirty, buddy.
33:47No, no, you don't understand!
33:48You don't understand!
33:49No!
33:50No!
33:51Come down!
33:52It might mean!
33:53It might mean!
33:54It might mean!
33:55No, it might mean!
33:56Calm down.
33:57What's the matter, miss?
33:58Did Wayne try to ravish you, miss?
33:59I know.
34:00It's a, it's a rat.
34:21All right there, Dan.
34:22All right there, Dan.
34:23Hi, Robs.
34:24Thought you'd gone for the day?
34:26No, just, er, just want to get your dry cleaning.
34:29Everyone's up like a sodding lark this morning.
34:32Bummer and Oz have gone to the bass already.
34:34Yeah.
34:35Aye, I saw, er, Borry and Neville across the shops.
34:38Getting rat traps.
34:39Not before time.
34:40Did you hear it last night?
34:42Nah, I don't think so.
34:44I sobbed and did.
34:46Scratching around as if it owned the place.
34:48Well, it obviously doesn't give a rat, eh?
34:51Yeah.
34:52Oh.
34:59So give her that.
35:00Good joke, that.
35:01Yeah.
35:02What, Mike?
35:03Oh, it wasn't bad with us down the morning, was it?
35:05Just the thought of it, though.
35:07It's disgusting.
35:08Well, let's hope you get rid of it by the time I get back tomorrow, eh?
35:11You're not here tonight?
35:13Nah.
35:14No, me, er, me wife's coming over.
35:17I'll just stop in the same hotel as her, you know.
35:20Same hotel?
35:21Yeah.
35:22Not the same room, though?
35:23Nah.
35:24Nah, not any more.
35:25Nah.
35:26So long, man.
35:27So long, mate.
35:28So long, mate.
35:29That's right, mate.
35:30Yeah.
35:31What's up, mate?
35:32That's right.
35:33OK.
35:34I'm going to see a little bit.
35:35I'm going to see a little bit.
35:36I'm going to see a little bit.
35:37Yeah.
35:38So, the band's okay?
35:39Oh, smashing.
35:40I spoke to them before I left.
35:41Mm-hm.
35:42Having a great time.
35:43Going to Holy Island today.
35:44So, Ben's okay?
35:52Oh, smashing. I spoke to him before I left.
35:54Having a great time.
35:56Going to Holy Island today.
35:59Back to school on Monday?
36:00Yeah.
36:01Helen's going to bring them back and stop over.
36:03So she'll get them off if I don't come back.
36:06What do you mean if you don't go back?
36:08Well, I thought I might stay Sunday night as well.
36:11I mean, it's not often I go abroad.
36:14Unless it's inconvenient.
36:17No, no, whatever you like.
36:18Well, you don't seem very keen.
36:21Well, you've never seen Dusseldorf on a Sunday night, have you?
36:29Will we pass where you work?
36:30Before? Nothing for you to see there.
36:33Well, I just thought it'd be nice to see where you live, that's all.
36:35Ah, well, Wayne showed her young lass around where we lived yesterday
36:38and she's in intensive care still.
36:40Poor lass or a rat.
36:42A rat?
36:43Yeah.
36:43Ooh, how revolting.
36:45I never knew conditions were that bad.
36:47Well, not really.
36:48The rat just showed up this week, you know.
36:50Captivated by some of Brenda's chocolate cake.
36:53Oh, she sent some things for Neville.
36:54Will I see him?
36:55Aye, if you like.
36:56Look, the thing is,
36:58I thought that we might invite Neville to eat with us tonight.
37:03Oh, I'd rather wait by ourselves.
37:05Well, I've invited somebody else, like...
37:06Who?
37:07Well, it's just a friend, you know.
37:10Somebody I thought you should meet.
37:11You're not seeing her, are you?
37:17I am.
37:19After last night's fiasco, did well to get out of that.
37:23Must have stressed your persuasive powers to the limit.
37:26No, I didn't say nothing, Mox.
37:29She felt sorry for me, I suppose.
37:31I mean, I did look a right pillock, didn't I?
37:34And when I walked her to her car, well, when I squelched her to her car...
37:39Oh, jeez.
37:40She was ever so sympathetic.
37:44Moved, I suppose.
37:45By the squalor of your surroundings.
37:48No, no.
37:49More aware of my embarrassment.
37:52And then she did something, and it was incredible.
37:56What?
37:56She took this hanky, this little white soft hanky, out of her bag-like,
38:02and wet the corner of it,
38:05and then rubbed some mud ever so gently off the end of me nose.
38:10Tell you, Mox, my goose pimples all over.
38:15Wetted with her tongue, did she?
38:18You what?
38:20The hanky.
38:22Wetted with her tongue-like.
38:23Oh, well, of course.
38:26What do you think she does?
38:27Carry-o's piped around with her.
38:30Hey!
38:31Oh, he's been bought.
38:32Oh, wait.
38:33Look at the size of that.
38:34The trap of there, isn't that?
38:36Aye, wait.
38:37Dennis said it, there's a big one.
38:38Yeah, I'll get some beer for that, mate.
38:41Could be more tonight, you know.
38:43Vectorious breeders of rats.
38:45Leave it out.
38:46He can't have raised a family in two nights.
38:47Not on top of Brenda's chocolate, Kate.
38:49Right, sir.
38:50We bought this and all.
38:52Poison.
38:53How long after it eats that, does it die?
38:57No matter, does it?
38:58As long as it does die.
38:59Well, it matters if we find dead rats all over the place.
39:01No, no, they're not going to die in here, Moxie.
39:04See, what that poison does is it makes them thirsty.
39:06Gives them a raging thirst.
39:08Like us, like after a curry.
39:10Aye.
39:10Well, sort of.
39:12Anyway, they're desperate for a drink, right?
39:13So they go looking for it.
39:14Well, let's drink for Ozzy's locker.
39:17They're not going to die here, right?
39:19Oh, wait.
39:19Let's get these traps set.
39:20Oh, that one's...
39:21See, your rat knows instinctively that water's at the bottom of hills, so you'll head off
39:25down to the river to find it.
39:27Aye, aye, aye.
39:28Where are you going to put that?
39:30I don't want to come in late tonight and lose a foot, son.
39:33Oh, well, I'll put it down by the skirt and board away from the bed.
39:36Oh, well, right.
39:38Um...
39:39Look, lads, I'd like to give you a hand, but, um, I've got to go into town, so, uh, I'll see
39:45you later, OK?
39:46Bye.
39:52See you in here, you know.
39:54That Kristen.
39:55You serious?
39:58Serious?
39:59Why?
40:00Oh.
40:02Yeah?
40:02Yeah.
40:02Yeah.
40:06Oh, hiya.
40:14Hello.
40:16You're prompt.
40:18I am German.
40:19So you are, so you are.
40:21Do you want a refill?
40:22No, thank you.
40:24Did I?
40:25It's white gin and tonic.
40:28So how is your Vera?
40:30She's fine.
40:32She'll be done in a second.
40:33You sorted out your problems?
40:36Well, there weren't any problems, really, you know, just, uh, the usual things, uh, money
40:39and the kids and that, you know.
40:41Then I showed her round the town.
40:46When you go back to England, uh...
40:48If I go back.
40:50Ah, well, OK.
40:51If you go back to England.
40:52Where will you live?
40:56Yeah, I never really thought about that, uh, probably have to stay at me ma'am's at first.
41:01Oh, that'll be something.
41:02I have to remember, uh, remember to wipe me feet when I come in and, uh, don't rumple
41:06the cushions and empty the ashtrays.
41:09Oh, that's what...
41:09She sounds like my mother.
41:13Thank you, Sharon.
41:17Cheers.
41:17You are nervous now about this evening?
41:27Yeah, I am all of a sudden, yeah, yeah.
41:31It'll be all right.
41:35Uh, over here, Pat.
41:43Vera, this is Dagmar.
41:45How do you do?
41:48It is very nice to meet you.
41:50It's very nice to meet you, the son.
41:52There.
41:53I've got you one in.
41:54There you are.
41:55Thanks.
41:56Cheers.
41:58Cheers.
42:08Dennis told me he showed you the town.
42:11Yes.
42:12Oh, it's a lot nicer than I expected.
42:14Well, I didn't show her where we work, of course.
42:17Oh, well, yes, that is not so nice.
42:20Although, uh, Bomber, he, that's one of the guys that I work with.
42:23He, um, he says we should bring all the wives over here
42:25and it would make them see what a miserable existence we lead.
42:30Well, he don't seem to lead too bad a life.
42:35Aye, well, well, let's just have another one, shall we, and then go and eat?
42:39Not for me, thanks.
42:41No, thank you, Dennis.
42:42Not for me.
42:45Well, I'll have one, then.
42:50Lois, you're back only?
42:51Yeah, I had to see some mates, but that would drive back to Essen.
42:58I'm going over to the club for a job.
43:01Come on.
43:02Yeah, I'll follow you across.
43:03I'm just going to sort this boot out.
43:05There's a nail in me foot.
43:08See you later, then, lad.
43:09Yeah, look below.
43:21OK, out with it.
43:24What's the matter?
43:25Nothing.
43:27Look, that was an excellent restaurant, that.
43:29You hardly hit the thing.
43:30You said even less.
43:32I'm not feeling very well.
43:34Must have been the flight.
43:35You know, I don't like flying.
43:36Anyway, you and Dagmar could have stayed...
43:39Oh, of course we couldn't have stayed.
43:41But don't you normally stay with her?
43:43What's that remark supposed to mean?
43:45Oh, just drop it.
43:46No, I won't.
43:49I'm tired.
43:50You're upset.
43:51You're upset because I brought Dagmar.
43:53Yes, I'm upset because you brought Dagmar.
43:56Sometimes you can be...
43:57I can be what?
43:59You can be really insensitive about how other people feel.
44:03You get an idea in your head and you've got to see it through.
44:06Look...
44:06But you don't always think it through.
44:08Listen, look, I know what's going on in your life, right?
44:10I want you to know the same about me.
44:11I just want you to know the way things are.
44:13You don't know the way things are.
44:15Oh, really, really?
44:16Come on, inform me, then.
44:17Don't get angry.
44:18Look, I'm not getting angry, man.
44:19I'm confused, maybe.
44:22Look, I...
44:23I didn't come over here to sort things out.
44:27I could have done that on the phone.
44:29I came over here because our divorce isn't final yet.
44:32Yeah, I know, I know it's not.
44:33Well, I'm not sure.
44:34I want it to be.
44:36Now, look, just wait a minute.
44:37This divorce was your idea.
44:39I know.
44:39If I remember correctly...
44:41I know it was.
44:42And I know it hurt you.
44:43Well, it hurt your pride, anyway.
44:45And there were good reasons for splitting up, very good reasons.
44:48But...
44:48Oh, I don't want to go through all that again.
44:53Well, Vera, I wish I knew what you did want.
44:56I don't want a divorce.
45:01I want you to come home.
45:05Oh, bloody hell.
45:12Fancy a drink?
45:14I've got some duty-free gin on the plane and some glasses in the back.
45:17Yeah.
45:24There's a tin of peaches here if anybody wants one.
45:27Oh, and some table around.
45:29Well, you think I'll pass on that combination?
45:31Fish and chips.
45:33That's what I fancy now.
45:35You know, real English fish and chips wrapped in a Sunday mirror with loads of vinegar.
45:40Oh, yes.
45:41Oh, well, Den will have some stuff from Brenda when he gets back.
45:43Well, them little fancies from you are burned off.
45:46What little fancies?
45:48Little hard things.
45:49There was someone lying on the table when I came in before.
45:53Square ones, like.
45:54Aye, tasted a bit queer.
45:57Well, you ate the one, did you?
46:00Ah, well, just one.
46:01You didn't mind, did you?
46:02They were only little.
46:04No, no.
46:05No.
46:08Do you feel all right, guys, in yourself, like?
46:12Huh?
46:12Do you feel all right?
46:14Chomping?
46:15You may not get a raging thirst, Lake.
46:30A large cognac, please, Chief.
46:34Hi, Den.
46:36What are you doing here?
46:38Make-up.
46:39Yeah?
46:40Me too.
46:41Do you want another?
46:41Scotch, please.
46:45It's a large scotch, too, please, square.
46:47Yeah.
46:48I thought you were staying out all night.
46:51No, that's what you mean.
46:57Cheers, Ty.
46:58Things not work out with Dagmar and your old lady, then?
47:06I thought I was just being above board, you know, and straight and honest.
47:11Vera said I was showing off.
47:14Showing off?
47:15Showing off Dagmar.
47:17Well, I mean, she's a smart lass, and she, you know, I mean, attractive and honest, I don't know.
47:24That's probably what I was doing.
47:26Well, she is rather special, that Dagmar, isn't she?
47:31Yeah.
47:32Mind you, so's her mate, eh?
47:34Krista.
47:35Mm.
47:35Hey, hey, you and me have, er, called her the clerical staff, haven't we, eh?
47:42Well, I wish I had, then.
47:45No.
47:46Things not work out like.
47:47She wouldn't let me get near her, would she?
47:50Mind you, I didn't want to, you know.
47:53I didn't want to sort of like come on strong and jump it like that.
47:56Yeah, you were slipping, aren't you?
47:58I'm smitten, then.
48:02Now, listen, don't tell the lads, right?
48:04Now, I can confide in you, can't I?
48:06Now, I know you've probably got your own problems and all that, but I can bend your ear a bit, eh?
48:10You just carry on, bunny lad.
48:11I haven't got a care in the world, eh?
48:12Yeah, well, look, I'm serious about this, Krista, right?
48:16I know it's madness, but I'm really bowled over.
48:19Now, don't tell the lads, eh?
48:21My lips are sealed, all right?
48:23I get embarrassed just thinking about it, you know?
48:26Never happened to me, I said.
48:28It bloody has, isn't it?
48:31Hey, you really are serious, aren't you?
48:34I'm deadly serious, then.
48:37Course, never having been in this situation before, it's pretty hard to be certain about the symptoms.
48:43But I think, well, listen, I'm positive, Sunbeam, that this is it.
48:47It's devastating, mate, devastating.
48:50Well, that's not the end of the world, that man.
48:52Go for it.
48:54Yeah, but I can't fathom it, can I?
48:55And the trouble is, we're shipping out in a week or two, aren't we?
49:00I'm sure.
49:01Well, so, I've got to decide whether to go home or chance me home here, ain't I?
49:07Yeah, you're not the only one who's got to make that decision.
49:11You too?
49:11Mm-hmm.
49:14You mean home or Dagmar, aren't I?
49:16No, I mean Vera or Dagmar.
49:22Blimey, Dennis.
49:24What are we going to do?
49:25Well, I was about to get pissed.
49:28You care to join me?
49:29You're working on the side from morning to night.
49:37That's living all right.
49:39That's living all right.
49:41Then a pint with the boys, in a buffalo noise.
49:45That's living all right.
49:47That's living all right.
49:49Working all day, for a bid to pay.
49:53They're blowing on Saturday night.
49:55And you kiss the dames, but you don't ask their names
50:00That's living all right
50:01Working in the sun, clunky schnapps, having fun
50:07That's living all right
50:09That's living all right
50:11Then a night in the town, spreading it around
50:15That's living all right
50:16That's living all right
50:18Working all day for a packet of hay
50:22I'd say a little back to the world
50:25Still you keep a little hill just to keep you in beer
50:29That's living all right
50:31Yeah, you play the game, then it's happy to say
50:37That's living all right
50:39Tell them a lie, with a glimpse in your eye
50:44That tomorrow you'll be back on the site
50:47And you kiss the dames, but you don't ask their names
50:52That's living all right
50:54Yeah, you play the game, then it's happy to say
50:59That's living all right
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