- 4 months ago
First broadcast 4th April 1986.
Work at Thornley Manor is over and the lads take a break before leaving for Spain.
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser
Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle
Morag Hood - Joy Chatterley
James Booth - Kenny Ames
Kevin Lloyd - Harry Blackburn
James Bate - Malcolm Hallwood
Val McLane - Norma
Su Elliot - Marjorie Osbourne (as Su Elliott)
Melanie Hill - Hazel Redfern
Lesley Saint-John - Vicki
John Bowler - Howard Radcliff
Ying Tong John - Big Baz
Nick Stringer - Customs Officer
Lisa Whyte - Angela Patterson
Work at Thornley Manor is over and the lads take a break before leaving for Spain.
Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson
Gary Holton - Wayne Norris
Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne
Kevin Whately - Neville Hope
Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey
Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor
Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge
Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser
Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle
Morag Hood - Joy Chatterley
James Booth - Kenny Ames
Kevin Lloyd - Harry Blackburn
James Bate - Malcolm Hallwood
Val McLane - Norma
Su Elliot - Marjorie Osbourne (as Su Elliott)
Melanie Hill - Hazel Redfern
Lesley Saint-John - Vicki
John Bowler - Howard Radcliff
Ying Tong John - Big Baz
Nick Stringer - Customs Officer
Lisa Whyte - Angela Patterson
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00No one said it was gonna be easy
00:16Nobody said it had to be fair
00:22All of the chances taken together
00:30And all the changes we had to share
00:34Well, you think we've made it all worthwhile
00:41Then you realize no one cares
00:47But we're gonna get it right this time
00:54Cause we've passed the point of no return
01:00And we're never gonna go down that road again
01:08Ah, get seven planes underboard as quick as you leave
01:25It's a bit early, isn't it? Even for you lot
01:27Well, we're taking industrial action, don't we, Tiger?
01:30Get that to be your own support, Arthur
01:31I thought strikes had gone out of fashion with the working classes
01:35Since Scargill got his arse kicked
01:36Aye, this was a unanimous decision, though, Arthur
01:39No need for a bullet
01:39Yeah, besides, we're striking on a matter of principle here, son
01:43Care of the elderly
01:44So you should be flattered, shouldn't you, son?
01:46One day I reckon all names will be as famous as the Toll Puddle Martyrs in the great tapestry organized labor
01:52Perhaps you'll suffer the same fate, transportation to Australia
01:55But what was the name? What was the name? Some Toll Puddles?
01:58Well, I don't know the individual identity of the gentleman concerned us
02:02But that's not important, no
02:03That's their collective sacrificed accounts
02:05But I should think there were a couple of poll dogs or pen medics
02:08Because they're from Bubba's parts of the world, right?
02:10I wonder what we would have been called
02:12I can think of a few names
02:14How about Tony Manor Magnificent?
02:16Aye, gollies!
02:17We'll be the Derbyshire dummies if Ali Fraser closes the job down with old pianists
02:21No, no, no, no, no despondency, please, eh
02:22We won a great victory this morning
02:24Right, that'll be 6.09
02:26Now, do you want me to contribute this to the strike fund?
02:28No, no, no, no, no, no, you might as well have it while we've got it, Arthur
02:31Here you go
02:32Perhaps you should organize a kitty into the dispute
02:35Aye, gollies!
02:37Hey, you haven't seen him getting his auntie's pocket very often, do you?
02:40Unless there's a play of billiards with his cell
02:41Oh, cheers, Oz, I suppose you'll be getting the next round, will you, eh?
02:45Aye, Mark
02:45I'll peel the one up, right, Tad?
02:47Aye
02:47Hey, what's this?
02:49It'd be a bit of a chopper if Ali Fraser pulls the plug on his little pianosaur, wouldn't it?
02:53Yeah
02:54Yeah, I don't suppose he'd be over generous with the old redundancy payments, eh?
02:59You won't manage to see them, then, yeah?
03:02Let me think, erm...
03:03Right
03:04No
03:04Which, considering we've been living like Trappist monks, is quite an achievement, mind you
03:10You give me any income you like, then, and I'll live beyond it
03:13What are you doing with it, then? You sent something back to Chris, huh?
03:15Yeah, yeah, a few bob here and there, you know
03:17I don't know, mate
03:19It just seems to slip through me fingers, doesn't it?
03:21Mind you, that car don't help much
03:24Oh, thirsty motors and BMWs
03:26Still, if the worst came for the worst, it could always sell it, I suppose
03:29Must be worth a few, Bob, eh?
03:30Oh, yeah
03:31Probably get five, six grand for it
03:34Huh?
03:34Mind you, I couldn't unload it in this country, could I?
03:36It's still German registered
03:38And, of course, there's that small matter of the old import duty, which I inadvertently overlooked
03:43There's always complications in life for us working books, isn't there?
03:47Yeah, but I was...
03:48You claw your way up the cliff face, there's always some bugger waiting on the top to stomp on your finger hands
03:52Probably Ali Fraser's turned the deer
03:54What you gonna do if you get laid off, Bob?
03:57Head for arm?
03:58Oh, if you think so, Barry
04:00I'll throw myself at the mercy of the wife at the D8, yes, eh?
04:02Oh, mm-hmm
04:03Mind you, it's a toss-up, it'll give me out of time
04:05How about you?
04:08Will your young lady keep to?
04:10She won't even have me at the moment, it'll own keep me
04:13No, no, I'll, er, I'll give me business a couple of months
04:17And, er, if it still don't take off, I'll try one of those sunrise industries
04:22Can't see you as a milkman, Barry
04:25No, no, Bob, I'm, you know, I'm talking about high technology jobs, you know, computers and, you know, tech, you know, all that stuff
04:33Yeah, with my electrical background, I should stand some chance, eh?
04:37Mind you, I'll probably be replaced by a smidgen of silicone with a thousand million faculties and Green Oxbridge accent
04:45Nothing can take the place of you, Barry
04:48Bob, thanks very much
04:52Very nice, Dennis
05:14Remains by a wee bit of berwick upon tweed
05:17Never struck me as your sort of tone, really, Ali
05:20Oh, I fancied it quite a lot, Dennis
05:21The only problem was they weren't so keen on becoming part of my slot machine empire
05:24I was very smartly showing the route south
05:26Uh-huh
05:27Cheers from, Barry, eh?
05:28You and the Romans must have somewhat in common
05:30Oh, aye, aye, but the Romans bottled it eventually, Dennis
05:33Sally Fraser sticks around, eh?
05:35Come on, let's go upstairs and get a wee drink for this architect friend of mine
05:39Alley!
05:50I didn't know you were in England
05:53I had to come over, didn't I, Howard? Sort out the uprising
05:56Oh, dear, I hope there was no unpleasantness
05:58Oh, no, more of a sort of skirmish, Howard
06:00Lover's tiff, wouldn't you say, Dennis?
06:02Aye, big bars and bum will have announced their engagement any minute, I expect
06:05Now then, Howard, you must have some malt whiskey in this expensive-looking office that I'm paying for
06:12Coming right up
06:13Right, bring the bottle over
06:14Dennis and I have got a bit of negotiating to do
06:15That's it
06:16Shirt-sleeve order
06:18Beer and sandwiches at TUC headquarters
06:20I've got a couple of sesame seed bars, if you'd like
06:23Oh, no, thank you
06:24No, I'll serve mine for the budgie's cage, mate
06:27Aye, now, item one on the agenda
06:29As a result of the case put forcibly to me by Dennis and his brothers
06:33I hereby agree to upgrade the ongoing conversion on Thornley Manor
06:39Now, Howard, you've still got that medium-range budget on the file, have you?
06:42Well, yes, but it means jumping up another 20 grand or so
06:45Oh, no, I can live with that, I can live with that
06:46Dennis has persuaded me that it would be a great pity to skimp on a building of such architectural heritage
06:51Especially as there's going to be an awful lot of old deers knocking it around soon
06:54And incidentally, on the subject, Howard, just make a note in that pad there
06:57To increase the projected fee structure for the resident gentlefolk
07:01Passing the costs on already, Elliot?
07:03Oh, Dennis, if we're going to go upmarket, we can attract a better class of pensioner
07:07And if you look in the latest wills column in the daily torograph
07:10You'll see that there's quite a few around with a packet stashed away
07:12I'm amazed you got him to agree to this
07:15Aye, well, beneath that flinty exterior beats a heart of gold, man
07:18Don't let it get around, Dennis
07:19He's also aware that if he hadn't changed his mind, the VAT people would have got an enormous tip-off
07:24About certain unpaid taxes on the building work
07:26Item two
07:27I also hereby agree to waive my rights on the rent monies payable to me
07:32From Dennis and his boys after having squatted in my property for the past few weeks
07:36For a heart of gold, read Nugget
07:38And as for my personal loan to Dennis
07:42The terms of the debt remain the same
07:45Complete the job and the manor and we're all square
07:48However, I think I can see a way to writing off the interest payable on the loan
07:52Which, incidentally, Dennis is currently running at £2,648, give or take a few coppers
07:56What's the catch?
07:57No catch
07:58Absolutely straightforward proposition as regards your boys
08:02You keep them on the payroll for my next project
08:05And we will be as sweet as a bun
08:08Well, what's the word then, Dan?
08:33We out of a job or what?
08:34No, no, no, listen
08:35Well, he's finally agreed to put some proper work in it
08:38Oh, I knew we could twist the bastards on me with that one
08:41But there's a little small lady who once says a small snag
08:44What, he wants us to take a cut in wages?
08:46No, no, he wants us to do this next job
08:48Well, I haven't even finished this one yet, have I?
08:51In Spain
08:52Spain?
08:54Spain?
08:54Yeah, what the hell's this?
09:01Rape
09:01I knew these Spaniards were a bit forward
09:04That's a bit strong, isn't it?
09:06No, that is rapé, Vicky
09:08Rapé
09:09Spanish for monkfish
09:12Monkfish?
09:13Yeah, it's a right ugly little bleeder, but it tastes nice
09:16Just like your friend, Ali
09:18Anyway, they sometimes serve it as scampi, you know
09:23Tastes a bit the same
09:25Oh, scampi, but why didn't they say so in the first place?
09:28I mean, I know I am a scampi
09:30Anyway, what did you want to say us about it?
09:34Do I need an excuse to invite a pretty girl to lunch?
09:37Er, no, but Ali'll expect me to have one if he finds out
09:41Oh, well, it's about this property development scheme of Alice
09:45First I've heard of it
09:47Doesn't it confide in you?
09:49Well, of course he does
09:51He's got better things to tell me about in business
09:54And anyway, the only property development I'm interested in
09:57Is getting what Paul finished and a barbecue built
10:00Now, let me run it down for you
10:03There are certain members of the British community
10:06Myself included
10:08Who are going to have to make themselves scarce
10:10If the Spanish government conquer the extradition of us
10:13You mean criminals?
10:14Well, anyway, Ali's running around offering himself as a sort of an emergency estate agent
10:21With cash me quick written across his forehead
10:23Needless to say, this sort of opportunism is ruin in the status quo
10:28Either you don't live out here as well, do you?
10:32Look, Vicky
10:33All I want you to do is whisper a few words of warning in your pillow talk to Ali, all right?
10:38You might save him and me a lot of strife
10:41Well, all right, I'll see what I can do
10:44But it's a long, hard job getting him roused at night, you know
10:47And I'm not going to spoil a good thing by whispering, watch it in the museum
10:49Ah, hello there, Malcolm, how are you?
10:53Fine, thanks, Ali
10:53How was Spain?
10:55Hot and crowded
10:56Although possibly about to become a little less crowded
10:59Which may be very good news for us
11:01It way, Baz
11:03See if you can find Pamela, rustle up a pot of tea or something for us
11:06Yes, boss
11:07Been in the wars, has he?
11:13Ah, he's lost an argument with a roof of a Jaguar, apparently
11:16Now it's a convertible
11:18I take it he didn't manage this on his own
11:20Oh, no, no, no, no, no
11:21He was daft enough to tangle with one of the big lads working up at the manor
11:24Big bloke with a beard
11:25Bomber or something
11:26Sounds like a good bloke to have on your side
11:28Ah, well, yes
11:30They all are, actually
11:31Which is why I would like you to apply that sharp legal mind of yours
11:35To the less than riveting subject of the Spanish labour laws
11:39With relation to British immigrant workers, presumably
11:42Correct
11:43Right
11:43Do you know anything already?
11:45No, not much
11:45Except that the Spanish are fairly choosy about who they allow into work
11:49Not so choosy about who they let into play
11:51So check it out, let me know in detail
11:53Right
11:54I'll take the Spanish consul out to lunch
11:57Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, you won't
11:59Softly, softly on this one, Malcolm
12:00Don't want a bullfight in a china shop
12:02Now, the second thing is
12:05The old folks home
12:07Ah, right
12:07Now, lads tell me they'll have it ready in a couple of weeks
12:09I think it's time you started organising staff recruitment
12:12Placing advertisements in things like country life and the like
12:15All right
12:16Get a matron first and the rest later, I suppose
12:19Whatever
12:20Will you be sticking to Thornley Manor as a name?
12:25Don't know
12:25Don't suppose they'll let me use House of Fraser, will they?
12:36Oh, lovely
12:37I think we might have found our matron, Malcolm
12:41Hey, I've nutted
12:45Hey, we've been thrushin' along the day, haven't we?
12:48New incentive scheme, Dennis
12:49Sangreira and senoritas
12:51Work's a treat
12:51Oh, no, the bollocks nearly enough
12:54Long we haven't escaped, Dennis
12:55There you are
12:56I'll tell you what it is
12:58If Fraser doesn't come up with a Spanish trip
13:00I'll personally brick him up alive in our chitos
13:02Listen, us
13:03If this trip don't come off
13:05You can brick me up there in there with him
13:07That fit, I could live with a disappointment
13:09Marbella
13:10Marbella, you got your pick of your euro cramp it in Marbella
13:13Supposed to be gone there to work
13:14Earn a bit of money with him
13:16Remember money?
13:17Oh, you wasted your breath, Neve
13:19Think Wayne's invention a new form of currency
13:22Wises for sex
13:24Oh, it's crucifying me in this, lads
13:27I mean, hearing all this, knowing I can't come
13:29There's no way you can get out of it, Harry
13:31Not unless they put their dates back
13:33I mean, fancy having open-heart surgery at a time like this, eh?
13:37I mean, it's really inconsiderate, isn't it?
13:39It is a bit of a piss, I like
13:41Because we're going to need a promo one
13:42We'll get out of the Spaniard, aren't we?
13:43Oh
13:44You know what I mean?
13:44Because that's just one of the things
13:46That they haven't yet cracked, isn't it?
13:48Like playing football
13:49We're hacking each other to death
13:50And building hotels where all the windows fit
13:53And getting all the hairs up the backs of that bacon rain
13:56I mean, these are just some of the things
13:58What the Spics haven't mastered, aren't they?
13:59Yeah, look, I'm getting all fired up with this Spanish talk
14:02How about we put in a spot of practice tomorrow night
14:04With some serious strumping, eh?
14:05We could all do have a bit of that, eh?
14:07What about it?
14:07Yeah, yeah, yeah
14:08I'm awful poor
14:09See you, old lass
14:10Are you?
14:11No
14:11Can I cut your lips?
14:12Yeah
14:12Good lie
14:13I'm going to whisk off the Wolverhampton to do front eyes, or
14:18Oh, bones in
14:19Aye, I'll go, though
14:22I didn't want your seconds made, London
14:24Yeah, all right, all right
14:25So, while you lot sort yourselves out
14:28I'll go and consult the old guidebooks for the best source of action, eh?
14:31In Manchester up this way somewhere
14:32Sure
14:33Can I help you, squire?
14:56Oh, hello
14:57No, no, I was just admiring the car
15:00Yours, is it?
15:01Yeah, that's right
15:02What do you remember, I notice?
15:06BMWs normally are
15:07No, I meant the registration
15:09DHB
15:11That's the district of Dusseldorf, isn't it?
15:13Perhaps
15:14Hey, listen
15:17Seeing you're so bloody good at initials
15:19How about FO?
15:22Don't know that one
15:23Didn't think you would
15:25Look
15:28What's all this about, mate?
15:31The car ain't for sale, all right?
15:33Glad to hear it
15:33Because having already avoided import duty
15:36You wouldn't want to break the law again
15:38Mr Wayne Winston Norris
15:40Customs and excise
15:42Your receipt, sir
15:46Keys, please, sir
15:48What's the damage?
15:55I've got to find about 800 quid
15:57Before I can reclaim her
15:58Till then she stays there
15:59You haven't got the money, presumably, have you?
16:02About 799 short of the mark, to be honest
16:04Well, er
16:06Now we're working, I can pay you something
16:08About a year tomorrow
16:08Then after the next couple of weeks
16:10With all these bonus
16:11For finishing that shit cover it, shouldn't it?
16:12Ah, nah, it's all right
16:13I can find the money
16:14I'm just a bit annoyed with meself
16:15For getting caught out
16:16See, when I drove it through Arridge
16:18I told them I was just a visitor, didn't I?
16:20Well, you're just a visitor, aren't you?
16:21You're what?
16:23Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
16:23But what I mean is
16:24I should have put it in the wife's name, eh?
16:27Can I not be registered in Chris Desnium, no?
16:29It's too late for that, then
16:30Oh!
16:37There you have
16:37Oh!
16:46Right, lads, come and get your money
17:00Right, lads, come and get your money
17:02Hey, come and get out, gents
17:04Cheers, mate
17:16All right, there you go in, yeah?
17:19Cheers
17:20Cheers
17:21All right
17:21What's up?
17:23Yeah
17:24Moxie?
17:25Go on, mate
17:25We in
17:26Cheers
17:27Harry
17:27Cheers, Dan, Tom, mate
17:28Cheers, Bob
17:28Yeah, keep it turning for Paddler's, Dan
17:30Tar
17:30And hey
17:31Don't you go pissing up against the wire, man
17:34You never get your motor back
17:35Yeah, well, I've got to spend a bit tonight, then
17:37Your big end needs servicing, doesn't it?
17:39Yeah
17:40I think I'll trade to Asia to somewhere
17:42in the posh in Birmingham tonight
17:44Reaffirm the troth I brought you to her
17:46Oh, great
17:47What the hell's it, troth?
17:49Eh?
17:50What his ears are wanting for?
17:51It's a pledge of fidelity, ours, you know
17:54Fightfulness
17:55I wonder you never heard of this
17:57Excuse me, I've been faithful to my Marjorie
17:59Never humped another boy over in a month to see her
18:02Well, she hasn't seen her for over a year
18:04That gives you plenty of scope, don't it?
18:07Yeah, I can't go near Big Alice
18:09while she's got this heart condition
18:10I mean, any excitement could be dangerous for her, you know
18:13I thought it was all go for a plumber's mate
18:15Yeah, you must be joking
18:16All right, lads, I'm off, eh
18:18Have a nice weekend, I'll see you on Monday
18:20All right, hey, by the way
18:21Don't forget, eh, if you get desperate
18:24It's country and westernite tonight
18:25Down in my local, eh?
18:26All right, lads
18:27See you Sunday, eh?
18:32Ta-da, lads
18:33Aye
18:34Have a nice, boring weekend in Newcastle, eh?
18:36Where we do some hunting
18:37The difference is, you're all gambling
18:40Us married lads, there's on to certainies
18:42Ta-da
18:42Marry's not
18:43Don't you be so sure, Mock, sir
18:46When Hazel is about my various exploits
18:50And my impending foreign travel
18:52She'll probably beg me to ravish her
18:55But no, I say, Hazel
18:57No, only within the sanctity of marriage
19:01Will I count her in such behaviour
19:03Yeah, I'm gonna be hard with her
19:06Aye, usually helps, Leek
19:08Right, now the devoted husbands and fiancées have departed
19:15It's time for us dirty philanderers to get to work
19:17Are you ready?
19:17Right, bomber's framed and ready to go off
19:19Right, what is it then?
19:28Pub, disco, brothel?
19:30Pub for me
19:31It's not a question of choice, man
19:33Duck, egg, we're gonna do half three
19:34Aye, I'm finished with the curry
19:36With a classic quartet
19:37Hold on, man
19:41I haven't got a car, haven't I?
19:42Ah, shit, I forgot, didn't I?
19:45No wonder Dennis was smirking
19:46He knew we'd be stranded
19:47Must be a good time to be had out there somewhere
19:50Ah, nude badger watching
19:53The classic quartet, did you see?
20:14A bit overdressed, aren't we?
20:17Ha, ha, ha, listen, who's talking?
20:19Look at this
20:19Don't look like a pogs duck
20:21Last clarky is
20:21But I'll look, you know
20:24Arthur, I think you may be right for once
20:26Should we go through to the lounge, lads?
20:29Yes, why not?
20:30It's supposed to be our big night out after all
20:32Ah, yeah, four pains
20:33I'll then sling them next door, I think
20:34I don't want my lounge bar customers upset
20:36You may be smartly dressed
20:38But you're still a load of yobs
20:40Get me here next door
20:41Oh, and this is much more of a hard drink, isn't it?
20:46Yeah, I bet there's some right rancid goings on here at the weekend, eh?
20:49Do you reckon?
20:50Yeah, black witches
20:51Covens
20:52Human sacrifices
20:53How about volunteering, young man?
20:55Just get two more pains on the bar
20:57Oh, listen, here
20:58The answer to the question
20:59How about no?
21:01No, listen, come here, mate
21:01Come here
21:02How do we go on about getting sex room, dear?
21:05Yeah, who do we have to talk to?
21:06What?
21:06If what you refer to occurs in this village
21:09It occurs within the confines of the home
21:11Between consenting adults
21:12Invariably married couples
21:14And invariably of the opposite sex
21:16Oh, wife swapping's in here with the game, right?
21:19Well, that'll do us
21:20I just told her to get started on that
21:22Cos we're in the same boat as you, you see
21:24You know what I mean?
21:24Raiderless horses
21:25I think you're in for a big disappointment here tonight
21:28It's the only reason we're here, Arthur
21:29Here, lads
21:33I'd make the best of these if I were you
21:36They look like they'd be in the highlight of the evening
21:38Yeah, you'd think they'd have a young farmer's dance or something going on, wouldn't you?
21:41A few strapping country wenties and gaily-coloured frocks
21:44I'd have to do bomber
21:45Probably all gone into town looking for rough-arse building workers
21:48Yeah
21:49Holy Christ
21:52Can I stop with any other hardly, bud?
21:58Can we?
21:59Drive up the bloody well, this
22:00Bit stuck, though, aren't we, us?
22:02Yeah
22:03Could always nip down the cross-keys
22:05Try and pull a couple of the Henriettas
22:06Yeah, got no chance, dare we?
22:09Why not?
22:10Eh?
22:10We got style, we got chat, we got money
22:12Just the same as them, you know
22:14Yes
22:16But, you see, one of the disadvantages about having a more equal society is
22:21That the toughs can't find any real peasants to shaft any more, you see
22:25Know what I mean?
22:27You see, in the old days it was Henriett
22:29In the days of the gamekeepers and colliers
22:32See, it was the attraction of opposites what did it, see?
22:35But now, I mean, us
22:38We've travelled the world, haven't we?
22:40You know, we're self-employed
22:41I mean, we're sophisticated blokes, us, you know
22:44Anyone want some pork scratchings?
22:48Kevin wants Hill Street Blues recording, if that's all right
22:57Yes
22:57Just leave them pots, man, I'll do them later
23:00Pour a couple of brownies, eh?
23:03I don't want any more to drink, Dennis
23:05Hey, when I was a kid, you know
23:07It was to spend my Sunday mornings either playing football
23:11Or on church parade with the boys' brigade
23:13Now it is, they come straight downstairs from the bedrooms
23:17And they watch sex and violence on the telly
23:19Can't be good for them
23:22I blame the parents, meself
23:23Oh, look, Dennis, I don't want to start nagging you
23:32But you're putting the drink away these days
23:34Is there something bothering you?
23:37Just drink when I'm winding down, Alma
23:38Helps as relax
23:40Anyway, hey, I was reading this article in the journal the other day
23:46It said, er, drinkers were less likely to have heart attacks
23:50Than those who didn't drink
23:51Knew I was right all along
23:53Did Neville mention our little chat he had told you during the week?
23:59What chat's that?
24:00About Ali Fraser and money
24:01Aye, aye, he mentioned it, so I put his mind at rest
24:04Oh
24:05Hey, you know, Ali's trying to get us out to Spain for this next job
24:10By choice, is it?
24:14Look, Norma, once and for all, I'm straight with Ali Fraser, right?
24:18By the time we're finished at the manor
24:20We'll complete this Spanish work
24:21That's probably the end of our relationship
24:23Probably
24:24Well, look, man, if he keeps coming up with work for me and the rest of the lads
24:28We'll kind of keep turning it down, can we?
24:31I mean, I kind of get down the job centre and see
24:33Oh, er, we've been offered to work
24:35But we didn't fancy that
24:36Have you got anything?
24:38Dennis, just look me straight in the eye
24:40And tell me you don't owe Ali Fraser money
24:42Bloody hell, Norma, what is this?
24:43The Spanish Inquisition?
24:44No, no, I just want to know
24:46Well, it's none of your business, pet
24:47Oh, isn't it?
24:48And yet it is my business when you want a place to stay
24:51Or to bring your kids for your weekend
24:53Or a place for your bloody mates to dust in
24:55That's my business
24:56Look, if you want to help me, Dennis, you're going to have to be straight with us
25:00I am straight with you
25:01Well, that's not what I'm hearing round the doors
25:03Well, if it's the only bloody gossip that's getting on your nerves
25:06Why don't you bloody move, man?
25:08Look, Dennis, you don't seem to understand
25:11We are family
25:12It doesn't matter how far you travel
25:14Or how old you get
25:15You're still my little brother and I care about you
25:19How much do you owe?
25:26Six grand
25:27What?
25:30Six thousand pounds
25:31Dennis
25:33Oh, Norma, man, it's not as bad as all that, man
25:36Half the country's in debt or living off credit
25:38There's not much difference between Ali Fraser and access cards
25:41Except he's got the power to make you do what he wants
25:44Look, Norma, I'm only a brickie
25:47I'm only building a house for him
25:49I'm not a contracted killer or something
25:51I've told you
25:52Once we've finished his Spanish work, I'll be in the clear
25:55That's the deal, I promise
25:57I'll be off the hook within three months
25:59Honest?
26:01Well, would I lie to me big sister, eh?
26:06Known the hiding I'd get when she found out
26:07Oh, go on, I think I'll have that brandy
26:13There's no other way
26:14No, we're not all that sort of thing
26:16No, no, no, no
26:18Hello, Al
26:19Oh, no, Joy
26:19Gin and tonic, please
26:21How are you a long time of a seat?
26:23Well, I've been tying to the house while Tim's been working so hard
26:26Well, he's not coming in tonight?
26:27No, we'll be back till 10
26:29but I couldn't face another night in with a telly so I thought I'd put my
26:33glam rags on and have an hour in the pub. it's nice to see you again. yeah? seen her at the bar?
26:39we'll have done some more eh? very tasty. bit out of your league though eh Oz? done again. what isn't? hey you.
26:46no I've got this uh I've got this thing about all the women you know. there can't be many left eh for blokes of your years eh Oz?
26:55why don't you stay on at the manor when it opens it's a gnome. you could really fill your boots then.
27:00I've told you haven't I? no you know I'm just I just think there's something really eh exciting about her wifey with a few years experience under her belt you know what I mean?
27:12but who still looks like a tiny bit of tackle. just er oozing charm and sensuality if you like. you know what I mean?
27:21it must come from watching all them simony signory films when I was a bear you know. very impressionable.
27:27simony you? oh Mark you have missed out in life. I've never heard of her either. no?
27:32no. right well then it's doing to me isn't you you bummer. sit down son sit down. ah so I first.
27:36right. see him again is it? hi. didn't you get the last one Oz?
27:42oh ho ho never thought I'd hear him cribbing on with that. right.
27:47right.
27:48there.
27:49hi there.
27:51sorry about having to push in like this though.
27:53oh that's all right you've got to get served haven't you?
27:56ah you have haven't you?
27:58hi there.
28:00four more pains here and er and er a drink for the lady I think.
28:04oh that's very kind.
28:05but no.
28:06no no.
28:07oh well it can't be very nice sniffing that own bit can it?
28:09go on.
28:10well I hadn't really looked at it that way to be honest.
28:14no?
28:16well do you want a drink?
28:17perhaps another G&T then.
28:19right.
28:20G&T.
28:21did you get that other?
28:22I heard.
28:23well go and get it then.
28:25hey what an old tusspot he is isn't he all that?
28:28well actually this has been my local for nearly eight years now.
28:32ah.
28:33oh but I agree he can be a little grumpy.
28:36ah he can can't he?
28:38he seems to be doing all right.
28:39yeah.
28:40he's steaming along ain't he?
28:41do you live round here?
28:43aye.
28:44thornley manor.
28:45you.
28:46I don't even know ain't it Lake?
28:47no I'm working up there you see.
28:49self-employed builder.
28:51me and my colleagues with renovation.
28:53really?
28:54there we are.
28:55is this man annoying you mrs Chatterley?
28:57no.
28:57pardon?
28:58no I was just about to ask him
29:01if he'd be interested in helping with a fewer pairs in our garage.
29:04Tim's useless with his hands.
29:06as you know Arthur.
29:08oh.
29:08Tim's the lady's husband.
29:12right well yes of course if there's anything happening to do.
29:15yes I'd be happy to try and...
29:17could you manage Monday?
29:20well uh Monday.
29:21well I'd have to consult me colleagues but I think it would be all right.
29:26hang on a minute I'll just have a little word with them.
29:29heyo.
29:29he's coming back.
29:30must have been elbowed.
29:31do you not believe what's happening up here?
29:33what?
29:34she only wants us to go in there on Monday to see out there.
29:37take me to a bag and do a bit of work on our garage.
29:41no straight straight.
29:43never happened to rub at the top was.
29:44yeah.
29:45no but that was a film wasn't it?
29:46I mean this is reality man.
29:55Hazel.
29:56look I don't want to push you into any corners like but um.
30:01a man of my age with various opportunities at my command like you.
30:07can't wait for one woman forever you know.
30:10I mean the other day me and the fellas like had this elemental confrontation with well
30:21suppose evil you might call it.
30:25we faced up to rampant uncaring capitalism and brought it to account.
30:31forced it to come to terms with our feelings.
30:34experiences like that can change a man Hazel.
30:39make him more sure of himself.
30:41make him less willing to be put up with being treated badly like.
30:47alright.
30:53i suppose.
30:54what i'm trying to say is.
30:57is that i want a decision from you.
30:59as to whether you're gonna be my wife.
31:02or not.
31:03yea.
31:04or nay.
31:08otherwise it'll be time for me to pack up me bags and move on down the highway of life.
31:12how well.
31:19so there you go.
31:20oh.
31:21oh.
31:22do you want a biscuit for this Barry?
31:35oh no thanks.
31:36no.
31:37still stodged.
31:38oh.
31:39oh.
31:40oh.
31:41oh.
31:42that was a lovely meal Barry.
31:43thank you.
31:44oh.
31:45it's alright kid.
31:46i can't treat you.
31:47oh.
31:48can i treat?
31:49black or white?
31:50um.
31:51i don't mind really.
31:52either or do fine.
31:53still the same old indecisive Barry.
31:55i don't know.
31:56i don't know.
31:57i don't know.
31:58i'll grab that waiter an hard time when he bought me avocado and vinegar it instead of avocado and prawns.
32:05that's my stint.
32:06oh.
32:07nice.
32:08so.
32:09when will he be off to Spain then?
32:12a couple of weeks i think.
32:13yeah.
32:14after we finish at the manor.
32:15oh.
32:16i'll bet you'll have a lovely time.
32:18oh.
32:19it's not just a working relationship us lads have got.
32:20no.
32:21no.
32:22it's more than that.
32:23it's a...
32:24it's a stronger bond.
32:25friendship falls in adversity.
32:26oh.
32:27we play hard and we work hard but we do it all together.
32:28oh.
32:29and where will we be going after that?
32:31well.
32:32i thought i'd come back here like.
32:33you know.
32:34um.
32:35try and sort things out between me and you.
32:37and you.
32:38oh.
32:39oh.
32:40oh.
32:41oh.
32:42oh.
32:43oh.
32:44oh.
32:45oh.
32:46oh.
32:47oh.
32:48oh.
32:49oh.
32:50oh.
32:51oh.
32:52look.
32:53i'm sorry barry.
32:57i find this rather difficult to say to you but.
33:01i think i still need a bit more time you know.
33:04to come to terms with the idea of well.
33:07marriage.
33:08hey so look.
33:09i don't want to push you into any corners lads.
33:12so um.
33:15i'll leave it to you.
33:17to tell me.
33:18with the.
33:19you know.
33:20with the.
33:21Bless you Barry. You're so understanding.
33:31Wakey-wakey, your eyes shine. Morning tea's served.
33:51Cup of tea Oz. Oh Moxie man. I was just about to consummate my relationship with Mrs Chapley there.
34:01Sorry.
34:02While I'm on this beach somewhere, rolling a button this serve.
34:09And she was making these ecstatic moaning noises.
34:14Has she fixed her a garage?
34:17Yeah, and your tool bags drifting out to sea.
34:22You've got no sense of romance, you lot, man.
34:25Romance? She a bloody carnal lust, more like.
34:28There's nothing wrong with that, Moxie. Makes the world go round.
34:31Oh aye. Hope your Marge and he feels the same way.
34:35Actually, she's already put that sort of thing home, aren't she?
34:39I think she realises that she's got to give a bloke like me a lot of rope, you know, if she wants to hang on.
34:46Come on.
34:51What were you and Addy Norma round about what's next?
34:54I thought you were supposed to be asleep.
34:56Anyway, we weren't round. We were just talking, you know, business-like.
35:01How are Kevin Haddy's here at the floor?
35:03I said you were shouting about money.
35:05Oh, it's shouting about money.
35:08Dennis Patterson!
35:09Oh, yes!
35:10Well, just put this buckle right on your shoe, aren't you?
35:14What's up, Dad? There's nothing wrong with your buckle.
35:16No, it's all right, pretty. It's just that lady over there.
35:18She happens to be the wife of one of the nutcases I work with.
35:20Can you remember us?
35:21You wouldn't particularly want to talk to her, that's all.
35:24You!
35:29I thought it was you!
35:31Hello, Mordery.
35:32Oh, this must be one of your bairns, is it?
35:34Aye, it's Angela.
35:35How's that Vera?
35:37Well, er, we'll split up again, actually.
35:40Oh, Pete.
35:41Oh, I'm sorry.
35:43Even after you left some nice German lads.
35:46Aye, well, that's all in the past now, Mordery, you know.
35:50Haven't heard from ours, have you?
35:52No, not really.
35:54When did you last hear from him?
35:56Oh, well, he sent us a postcard from the Falklands.
35:58No stamp, of course.
36:00Aye, God knows where he is now.
36:02Hey, Cameron.
36:03Although, er, I did hear he's back in England, like.
36:05You've no idea where, have you?
36:07Well, shouldn't you know more about that than me, Mordery?
36:09I'll be the last one to hear, Pet.
36:11No, anyway, if he does get in touch with you,
36:13will you tend to get in touch with me?
36:15I've got some good news for him.
36:17Oh, that'll cheer him up.
36:19If I do come across him late, what's the good news?
36:23I'm divorcing the sword.
36:29Hello.
36:30Hello.
36:31Just a little bit answering one, didn't it?
36:32Aye, aye.
36:33Oh.
36:36Oh, bloody gold, then.
36:38With Hazel.
36:39You set a date for the Knottules.
36:41Yeah.
36:42Yeah, yeah.
36:43Sort of, like.
36:44Married it down a bit, anyway.
36:46Two alternatives.
36:471988 or 1989.
36:50Aye.
36:51And she has said yes.
36:53Yeah, yeah.
36:54Oh, sort of.
36:55I gave an ultimatum, didn't I?
36:57I said, you decide to marry me after I come back from Spain,
37:00otherwise I'll hang myself.
37:02She responded to Dad quite favourably.
37:05You mean in what league?
37:07Well, she said, erm, she said, erm, she might marry me if I didn't hang myself,
37:14but, erm, she definitely wouldn't if I did, if I did marry her.
37:19I think so.
37:20Seems fair.
37:21Paddy, you know, I mean, forgive us if I'm soon a bit hoarse here, son,
37:24but, in my opinion, you've made a right bollocks of this relationship with your boiler.
37:29Oh, thank you, great wise one.
37:31What was I supposed to do?
37:32You should have laid the law down, man.
37:34Bang, really on.
37:35You know?
37:36You know the way you do with an Alsatian?
37:38Terrorise little bastards when they're puppies,
37:40and then when they get older, you'll get their beef from them.
37:43I mean, you, now, you're cattled, aren't you?
37:45Cos even if she does turn around and try to not marry her,
37:47which I've got me doubts about,
37:49there's gonna come a time in later years when she's gonna turn around
37:51and she's gonna get a right old savage in.
37:53Take my word for it.
37:54Not only is that offensive to women in general,
37:57and my eyes, and in particular, it's also like a picky garbage.
38:01You've turned complex human relationships into bloody crufts.
38:06For Claire Ryan, they substitute Barbara Woodhouse.
38:10I know what I'm talking about, son.
38:12Ah, no, yes, exactly what I'm talking about here.
38:14Now, take Neville here.
38:16He's just been here for the weekend, right?
38:18And I'll bet you a punt of a penny there, lasses,
38:20Adam, washing, cleaning, cooking, ironing, the whole nine yards.
38:23Classic case of the tail wagging the dog.
38:26What's he on about?
38:27How to handle a woman husband-style?
38:31What's your pick?
38:33He's got all the answers right, has he?
38:35I know what I'm talking about.
38:36Is he all right?
38:40Yeah?
38:42Can I have a word, Osme?
38:44Why, aye?
38:45No, outside, in private.
38:47In private?
38:48Right, what?
38:57Shut the door.
38:58What for?
38:59I've got no secrets from anybody.
39:01Just shut the door, man, will you?
39:06Right, door shut.
39:07What do you want?
39:08I bumped into your Marjorie in Newcastle this morning.
39:13You haven't told her where I was, have you?
39:14No, no, no, of course not.
39:16But, er, she wants you to get in touch.
39:18No.
39:19Waning out my money again, was she?
39:21No, no, not exactly.
39:22She wants a divorce.
39:25Divorce?
39:26From me?
39:28Hey, who else, man?
39:32I'd make divorce.
39:34I mean, er, I mean, onward grounds.
39:38Well, I don't know.
39:40Adultery.
39:41Desertion.
39:42Mental cruelty.
39:43Quite a few to choose from, you know, isn't there?
39:46Ah, she's probably just waning out,
39:47cos I haven't seen her for a while, man.
39:49I'll give her a bit of slab of mum again in Newcastle,
39:51that harvest taser more.
39:53I'm just seeing the body there,
39:54who weren't the waves,
39:55very similar to her and the dog.
39:56Just the pretty one license costs the hell
39:58a lot more than the other.
40:04I don't know.
40:05I don't know.
40:22Morning.
40:23Hello.
40:24You remember?
40:25Oh, yes.
40:26Well, promise is a promise, isn't it?
40:27Come here.
40:28Great.
40:34Well, now.
40:35Come through to the kitchen.
40:44Would you like some coffee?
40:46Or something stronger, perhaps?
40:49I'll just have what you're having, if that's all right.
40:53Well, let's see.
40:54Now it's gone twelve.
40:55I think we could manage a gin and tonic, don't you?
40:58Top of the bill.
40:59Aye.
41:00Smash it.
41:01Can I put these down here?
41:02Where?
41:03Right.
41:05Lovely place you've got here, mind?
41:07You forget what proper hoosers look like you are
41:09the amount of time we've been dusting in that dirty old man.
41:12I bought it eight years ago, mind you.
41:14We've done a lot of work on it since.
41:16Oh, aye.
41:17You can see that.
41:18It's lovely.
41:19I thought you said he wasn't very good with his hands,
41:22the husband.
41:23Well, he isn't.
41:24But he's very good at giving money to people who are.
41:28Oh, that's all right.
41:29Cheers.
41:30Ice.
41:31Er...
41:32Yes, please.
41:33Are you, erm...
41:34Married, Oz?
41:35Well, I wasn't till last night.
41:36But apparently there's a divorce in the post.
41:37Oh, dear.
41:38Sorry.
41:39You are tired.
41:40It's worse things happening in China.
41:41I suppose.
41:42Right, I'd better get started on this garage then, Anna.
41:45No rush, is there?
41:46Well, I told the lads I'd be back to work this afternoon, Lake.
41:48And it may look a bit dodgy if the husband comes back and I'm here,
41:49ain't it?
41:50He's only just left, actually.
41:51No until eight, he's on today.
41:52So there's plenty of time.
41:53Right.
41:54Right.
41:55Right.
41:56Well, where's this garage?
41:57What case?
41:58What garage?
41:59What garage?
42:00What garage?
42:01What garage?
42:02What garage?
42:03What garage?
42:04No rush, is there?
42:05Well, I told the lads I'd be back to work this afternoon, Lake.
42:08And it may look a bit dodgy if the husband comes back and I'm here,
42:11ain't it?
42:12He's only just left, actually.
42:14Noon till eight, he's on today.
42:16So there's plenty of time.
42:19Right.
42:20Right.
42:21Well, where's this garage?
42:25What garage?
42:27What garage?
42:51Whoa!
42:52Hello, hello.
42:53Don't enjoy it.
42:54Only three hours.
42:55I thought you said you weren't a speed freak.
42:57Oh, it's not bad, Wayne, you know.
42:59I mean, you could have built a garage in that time, never mind repaired one.
43:05Well, I hope you don't expect to be paid for this afternoon.
43:09Just pours a cup of tea, will you?
43:11Come on, then.
43:12Blow by blow account.
43:13Now, the boy looks wrecked.
43:14She's certainly taken it out of him.
43:18Unbelievable.
43:19It's the only word for it.
43:20I mean, if I told you, you wouldn't believe it, so...
43:23Yeah, well, we weren't not yet, sir.
43:24That's really right.
43:25Come on.
43:28Well, you know what I was saying in the bar the other day, to put older women in?
43:32Experience.
43:33Oh, yeah.
43:34Experience and all that beef.
43:36Dear, dear.
43:37This one.
43:39This one makes Simony Signer look like Shirley Temple, that one.
43:43Well, it doesn't mean no to me.
43:45I've never seen either of them.
43:46Well, I'll try and put it another way.
43:49You obviously did.
43:51You know how when footballers get to a certain age, they've got to slow their game doing?
43:56You know, but they seem to get to be better players because of their experience, you know?
44:00Like Johnny Jales.
44:01Leeds an error.
44:04I feel like I've been playing with somebody like him on 90 minutes or something.
44:07They've got menus.
44:08Well, it's funny you should mention that about footballers, Oz.
44:12Because the only older woman I ever had looked like Billy Brenner.
44:14Ha, ha, ha, ha.
44:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
44:37that looks very impressive from the drive-dinners.
44:40from the drive Dennis you see it from the inside man a little refreshment to celebrate
44:47completion i hope you notice that it's spanish good like that just put us in the mood
44:58right Dennis share that among your boys
45:10oh great hey don't get my beloved motor out eh can i borrow your van then
45:17ah sure yeah there you are i'll um probably need someone to drive you back yeah right
45:24us yeah well if you're going away and make sure he doesn't spend his finishing bonus on the way
45:30across why me like because we've spent two months tarting this place up i don't want a lunatic like
45:36you and there pissed oh no i'm not going i'm still the gaffer so get gun
45:50oh hello 800 quid eh isn't glad he cleaned it eh oh they've probably been with joy right
46:00minute money and check their clock before you give them it oh i didn't think of that
46:05i'll come in with you i'll tell them i'm your legal advisor
46:07yeah right shouldn't take long mr norris you have the full amount with you i presume of course
46:22there it is it's in pounds though not deutsch mark is that right sunbeam no need for any sarcasm thank
46:27you sir there's no need to count it man it's all there i have to check it sir just in case you've given me too much
46:38hey listen seeing as i've paid you up in full i don't think you can tell me you shocked me can you
46:43certainly not that's privileged information yeah i thought it might be
46:47oh just looking at the photograph lovely lady who is it you know that happens to be my wife sir
47:06very attractive wouldn't you say so us what oh yes uh-huh not make up a tea leg but uh teeny bit of tackle
47:19right i'll get you a receipt mr norris won't take a minute
47:29well i declare as they say in the trade
47:31can you believe it it's ironic really isn't it when you think about it
47:36if he hadn't nubbed your car i wouldn't have nubbed his wife well it's poetic justice that's what i
47:41call it here talking of justice right you keep dog eye because i want to check out who shot me
48:01it here
48:10there you go dear sir acting on information received from a mr arthur pringle of the barley marion
48:14hey pringle meet the nah that would be that old bastard
48:27yes hello Arthur yes this is Wayne Winston Norris with your early morning call is this your idea of
48:36a joke you cretin no no no no no I'm not joking because I know you ain't got a sense of humor
48:42see look why we're ringing is to say bye-bye because we're off elsewhere you see and to tell
48:47you about the little going away present we've left you now look if you care to look outside your front
48:52door
49:05won't be again
49:09don't know where don't know when
49:14but I know we'll be again
49:18stop
49:26yes it started a while ago just strangers thronged together
49:28yes it started a while ago just strangers thronged together
49:38just strangers thronged together
49:42helpless heroes part in the dream
49:46boy we made such a crazy team
49:48out of luck
49:50down on the damn wings
49:52saw each other
49:54through
49:56laughed it off
49:58and then we shared a few
50:00back with the boys again
50:04back with the boys again
50:14different reasons
50:18left us leaving
50:20splitting up
50:22going on solo
50:24chasing circles
50:26chasing circles and getting nowhere
50:28longing for the way we were
50:32one for all
50:34a dog for anyone
50:36long as they're playing the game
50:38sharing chances
50:40of taking all the blame
50:42back with the boys again
50:46getting nowhere
50:48a dog for you
50:58to say
51:00cat
51:08blog
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