A.W.P. S01 E01. If I Were a Carpenter.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 11th November 1983.  Geordies Dennis, Oz and Neville travel to Dusseldorf for brick-laying work, meeting along the way Barry, a motor-bike riding electrician from Wolverhampton.  Kevin Whately - Neville Hope Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne Gary Holton - Wayne Norris Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge Michael Sheard - Herr Grunwald Caroline Hutchison - Vera Julia Tobin - Brenda Heinz Bernard - Herr Pfister Oona Kirsch - Heidi Vic Tablian - Ayotollah Richard Mitchley - German Worker Seamus O'Neill - German Worker Leigh Proud - Kevin Lisa Whyte - Angela Exposé - Group in Night Club Stephen Reed - Man in Bar

Transcript

00:00Breaking Away

00:30Breaking Away

00:30Got to find a better way

00:34Until the time's all around today

00:40I'll be today

00:45Dearest Brenda, we are now at sea.

00:50I stood on deck and watched the coast of England disappear into the distant mist.

00:55Who knows what lies ahead?

00:58A better future for us.

01:00That is my fervent hope.

01:02Well, there's no more room for anything else

01:05except to say I love you and miss you.

01:10You're Neville.

01:16Cheers.

01:18Stop.

01:20Stop.

01:23Hey, Nev, you don't want a drink?

01:24I don't think he's found his sea legs yet, Dennis, eh?

01:34Yeah, well, he's missing their Brenda, you know, I mean, they do at that age.

01:38All right, man.

01:40Right, cheers, Deb.

01:41Cheers, mate, man.

01:45He could be having second thoughts, you know, about the...

01:48Oh, I was having them a week ago, man.

01:50So I said to him, I said, listen, I said, you want that posh house and that new estate?

01:54It's the only way you're going to get it without laying in the tax man's pocket for once, you know?

01:58Well, you know what to say.

01:59What?

02:00Pelicans, penguins, and in-line revenue, we've all got one thing in common.

02:04What's that?

02:04They can all shove their bills up that house.

02:07LAUGHTER

02:07Oh, oh, oh!

02:09There you go.

02:10Oh, dear.

02:32Well, lads, I'm afraid we're losing Radio 1.

02:35We're getting a hurry from this wreck.

02:37Hey, hey, come call this crap.

02:40What you got a Sunderland sticking on the back for?

02:42You know you supported them.

02:44No, no, I don't, I don't, but the bloke I bought it off did, you know.

02:47I was going to try and scrape it, but I thought I might lose the bump.

02:50Whoop, whoop, there I go.

02:52Now, don't panic, Neville.

02:53We'll all stick to the same story, right?

02:55We're up to catch butterflies in Bavaria.

02:57No slumps, do we have anything to declare?

03:09Er, no, just, er, just a duty-free scotch, cigarettes.

03:27Can you open the back, please?

03:28Yeah, er, is it Kizos?

03:31Doesn't look.

03:48What's this?

03:49It's, er, spirit level.

03:51What's spirit level?

03:51Yeah, I'll show you.

03:54Okay.

04:01What does it mean?

04:03Your word's not plump.

04:04Used all my options, worked off my dues

04:10Played all the cards, now there's nothing to lose

04:14Don't want tomorrow to be like today

04:18That's why I'm breaking away

04:22Ooh, breaking away

04:26Got to find a better way

04:30Till the good times

04:34All around the day

04:37I'll be afraid

04:41Hey, I'll wait there

04:43Don't take your love to town

04:47Dearest friend

04:49Well, here I am in Holland

04:52But it could almost be England

04:54Except we're driving on the wrong side of the road

04:57Dennis sends his love

05:00The other bloke, Oz

05:10Seems a bit of a joker

05:11Oops, sorry

05:16We just went over a bump

05:18Which is surprising

05:19As Holland is very flat

05:20I love you

05:22And miss you

05:23Yours till the next point of interest

05:26Nev

05:27Oh, another postcard, is it?

05:35Never

05:36I promise Brenda you keep in touch

05:41Keep in touch?

05:42You wrote the first one

05:43A darling, man

05:44You're gonna blow all your money on posters, lad

05:46She didn't want us to come

05:48She said she'd accepted it

05:52Whatever's best for us, she said

05:54And last night

05:56She was a bit tearful

05:57I never said a word

05:59That's not like your missus

06:01No, well, I must admit

06:02I didn't give her much of a chance, lad

06:04You know, I sneaked out the back door

06:06And made a dawn departure, lad

06:07And pushed the car down the hill

06:10So it wouldn't make a noise

06:10You did a runner on your wife

06:13Oh, you don't know who's Marjorie

06:14She's the right ball breaker

06:16I've seen her break the balls of innocent bystanders

06:19Last time I came out

06:20I didn't bother telling I was coming

06:22I just said, er

06:24I'm going down to the newsagent's pet

06:26And get to Sporting Chronicle

06:27Three months

06:28I was away at that time

06:29Three months?

06:32What did you say when you got back?

06:34What, when the 4.30?

06:35I've never worked abroad before

06:42I've been abroad, eh?

06:45Me and Brenda went to Minoka

06:47Twice

06:47Twice? Why twice?

06:51We liked it the first time

06:52Whereabouts is it?

06:54Minoka?

06:57I'm not really sure

06:58I flew non-stop from Newcastle

07:05What's up?

07:21Nothing, nothing

07:22Just better safe than sorry, isn't it?

07:26Sorry about what?

07:27Look, it just needs a little push

07:29We should have took the train

07:32Hey, man, you'll be glad of this when we get there

07:35Man, we can see a bit of Germany in this

07:36Right, mush

07:37I've always wanted to

07:40Push a clamp no tefer

07:41Round the Bavarian Alps

08:05Oi, you better lock it up, man

08:13It's got all the stuff in

08:14Come on

08:15There you go, Neville

08:30Cream of the British workforce

08:32Yeah, come get free for ya, will ya, Peacons?

08:35Bloody hell, where's your slutting from?

08:36Must have laid my calveines off

08:37Hey, Dennis and Eats

08:38Yeah, alright

08:39It's Barry, Barry Taylor, remember?

08:40Worked together

08:41Oh, well, how are you?

08:42Yeah, right, we don't hook you

08:43Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah

08:44How's season?

08:45Oh, alright, yeah, yeah

08:46I was working back home on a housing estate just outside Stafford, yeah

08:50Broke went bust, yeah

08:51You did?

08:52So I came back here for the crack like money, you know

08:55Well, got to, ain't it? No choice, really, is it?

08:58It's your mate, is it?

08:59Yeah, it's us, us, buddy

09:03Hold it, pal

09:04Oh

09:05We were together once, you know

09:06Aye, hold it

09:07Ah, nothing to hold it, right?

09:08Yeah, yeah

09:09Well, there's no gruff to blow here, you know

09:10Yeah, nor any place, is it?

09:11Yeah, nah

09:12That's good, am I?

09:13That's good, am I?

09:14I blame batterism, you know

09:28Yeah, yeah

09:29It's a misguided policy, you know

09:31It's totally misguided and misconstrued

09:34Mind you, the Labour Court is in such disarray

09:36I don't think the Opposition Office has got alternative or consolation, does it?

09:40No, no, I was just saying the same

09:42Who's the agent, buddy?

09:43Oh, it's a bloke called Vista

09:45Over there looks a bit like David Kossoff in the bifocals

09:48Oh, yeah

09:49What's the form?

09:50Well, it's in his manifest

09:51Frankfurt's best for brickies

09:53Yeah

09:54Manheim's mainly chippies, plasterers

09:56Yeah

09:57And they want some electricians at Munch and Gladbach

09:59Fancy that myself

10:00Oh, yeah

10:01What chance, Dusseldorf?

10:02Oh, I'm getting in his shop

10:03It's great, he'll kill it too

10:04All right, try for a bit then

10:05Right, there you go

10:06See ya, mate

10:07Ta-ra

10:08Miss?

10:09See ya

10:10Yes

10:11Do you need any brickies for Dusseldorf?

10:12Yes

10:13I have jobs for two only

10:26Oh, you couldn't make us three, chief, could you?

10:28Nine

10:29And for Dusseldorf

10:30They want now the two bricklayers, also carpenters

10:33Oh, well, all right then

10:34Because this lad here's a carpenter

10:36Oh, Dennis

10:37It's just gonna be as a Neville, okay?

10:39Where you lads, Mr. Fister?

10:43Dennis, man, I'm not a carpenter, man

10:45Did you take woodwork at school?

10:47Well, yes, but I...

10:48Right, you're a carpenter

10:50I'll never get away with it

10:51Look, we promised to stick together, didn't we, eh?

10:54Yeah

10:55Now, what's your Brenda gonna think

10:56If you thought I'd left you

10:57Munchin' Gladbacker somewhere?

10:59Well, that's us and the man

11:00The three musketeers, eh?

11:01One by all and sod the rest

11:02Aye, but we could all have gone somewhere else as brickies

11:05Oh, man, no

11:06Look, Dusseldorf's the best place, kid, right?

11:07It's got the old town there

11:09It's got all the good bars, man

11:10Dennis reckons it's got the best brothel in Germany

11:12Why?

11:13Just think of the postcard you could send your lass

11:15Dearest Brenda

11:17Well, that good

11:18Knocking shop, fantastic

11:19It's not funny

11:22Hey, why do you have to give that German fella money anyway, Dennis?

11:26Well, he got us the job, man

11:28See, that's like his backhand, eh, you know

11:30Aye, aye

11:33What's the word then, eh?

11:34What?

11:35What's the what then?

11:36How's it going?

11:38All right

11:40I said you were off to, er, Dusseldorf, is that right?

11:55No

11:56Maybe

12:00Got a car, then?

12:01No, only this

12:02Hey, hey

12:03Hey, er, any chance of a little plot?

12:06I'm afraid not, son

12:09See, we've got all the gear and there's the three of us like, you know

12:12Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

12:13Thanks

12:14Do the same for you sometime, right?

12:19Spurs

12:22You can tell, man

12:36This is like a spy book I once read, you know

12:46Love spy books, mate

12:48Anyway, this bloke was trying to get through the German border on a false passport, you see

12:53His pulse raced and his mouth went dried as the guards scrutinised his papers

12:58He's an avid reader, you know, Oz

12:59Yeah, that's part of the reason I left home, I owed that many library tickets

13:02Thank you

13:03Thank you

13:04Thank you

13:05Thank you

13:06Thank you

13:07Royal Britannia, Marmalade and Jam

13:10Five Chinese crackers on your arsehole, bang bang bang bang bang bang

13:14Oi

13:15I'm setting the alarm for six pet, that should give me plenty time before Dennis picks you up

13:30I'll get dressed through here love, says not to wake you up

13:31Oh I'll get up, I'll make you thermos and some sandwiches

13:33Oh, don't bother pet, we'll be stopping places

13:37Oh, I won't sleep anyway

13:40Oh, come on Brendi

13:55anyway. Oh, come on, Brenda. I might stay around at me mam's the first few days, just

14:01till I get adjusted. Aye, well, I've told you to stop at your mam's. Or get your sister

14:05around some nights when you're feeling nervous about, well, about... Murderers. There aren't

14:11any murderers, Pet, not around here. There's everything else. I went to the shops the other

14:15day and... And what? I didn't want to say anything. Well, you might as well now. I didn't want

14:23to worry you. Well, you've got us worried sick, so what? Well, I went to Rhenie's to get

14:30me hair done. It was the night we went to Dante's with Joan Margaret. Oh. Well, this man followed

14:35us all the way home. He had a squint and he wore a mack and he was staring at us. Well,

14:42if... If he had a squint, how do you know he was staring at you? Oh, I knew you wouldn't

14:46take it seriously, Neville. Well, man, just because a man stares at you and wears a mack

14:50doesn't mean to say he's going to murder you, Brenda. Maybe, but this isn't the safest

14:54place for a woman to live. I know it isn't. But that's why I'm going to Germany, man.

15:01Hey, how are you? That's why I'm going, isn't it? So I can get some cash and buy us a nice

15:11house on a nice estate. I don't want to go to Germany, you know that. Yeah, you do,

15:18don't you? Uh-huh. I'll miss you. Oh, I'll miss you. You will rape, won't you, Neville?

15:36Turn it over, Neville. Give it another try.

15:43Turn it over, Neville. Give it another try.

15:50Hey, hey, what's the brand, then? Jokes just put a word as any. I might give you a lift,

16:06you know, but it's, er, don't man prove me the privilege. Aren't you happy?

16:13See you in church!

16:15Roller.

16:24The bottom of the sump's dropped off.

16:42What?

16:43The sump, man?

16:44The oil's all run out.

16:45The engine must have ceased.

16:46Can it be fixed?

16:47Yeah.

16:48It's a new engine, that.

16:50Before you get this fixed in a German garage, will your insurance cover it?

17:15I doubt it very much.

17:16It's not insured.

17:17It has to be insured, man, otherwise you couldn't have got the green card.

17:20Get the car out of England.

17:21No, I cancelled the insurance when I got the green card to give us a bit of spending

17:25money for when I got here, you see?

17:26You were going to drive all the way to Germany without insurance.

17:29What if I had a crash?

17:30Eh?

17:31What if we'd ended up in a German hospital?

17:32We're not on the German national health, you know?

17:34Well, we didn't, did we?

17:35We could have done.

17:36What if the engine had seized on the fast lane, eh?

17:38One of them big juggernauts up our arse?

17:40We've never been on a fast lane.

17:42Oh, I blame myself.

17:44I shouldn't have left now to you.

17:46I won't again.

17:47You're totally irresponsible, you was.

17:50It has to be said.

17:51That's it, Nev.

17:52It has to be said.

17:53It has to be said.

18:14That's it, Nev.

18:15I don't have to.

18:16I don't want to say anything.

18:21Here we go.

18:51Yeah, reporting for work sir, Patterson Osborne and Hope and her fish to sign us on two British in there a chippy

19:02Unless you want another brickie why yeah, well we're not one if you do nine

19:13It is not good I think to arrive so late

19:16Sorry, sir. Well, we had a bit of bother on the road. Yeah, look

19:19Can we just check in the hostel and we'll get back here smartish? Yeah, the hostel is full

19:24You will have to stay on the compound

19:29Well, I thought it'd be in the hostel first serve first come

19:35Put your things in your hut hut what's the time of a hut?

19:40Pro-tem man, pro-tem

19:49You said we'd be in the hostel with table tennis and baths. Aye, well, we would have been wouldn't we? We'd been on time

20:05Where are we?

20:06Star like seven e-mails and other things

20:08Hey, that is anywhere to go around here. I don't know Neville. You've seen as much of this place as I have

20:15I mean, you've been here before not to this site. I haven't look Neville. I can't choose the site. I'm a bricklayer. I'm not a pretty architect

20:23Oi

20:25Yeah

20:27Excuse me you speak English

20:29It is my mother tongue my dear so good all my life

20:33My name is bomber, which is the best hut

20:36Oh, I take that the other one's got all the turds in it

20:40We calls it the casbah

20:52Look there, well, it's all right

21:02Right, I'm dusting down with you

21:10Just, er, just get yourself a bed, Neville

21:14It'll only be temporary, this, you know

21:16Yeah, we are. We'll start tunnelling tonight

21:18I'll square up with the escape officer

21:20The problem's gonna be the dogs though

21:22And, er, well, we're gonna put the sand, cos

21:24Shut up, boss

21:26Am I gonna need false papers and civic clothes?

21:28Shut up, man, will you?

21:30Well, it's like that, isn't it?

21:32You know what I mean?

21:33Rose, Rose, Schnell, Schnell

21:35Evelyn

22:35All mail will be sentenced, we'll be careful of what you're riding.

22:48I just want to tell her we've arrived safely.

22:51What, home sick already?

22:53Aren't you?

22:54Oh, no, of course you wouldn't be.

22:57I know how you feel, man, I know how you feel.

22:59I bet you're thinking what it would be like if we were to home right now.

23:02You'd be coming in from some freezing cold windswept site

23:06into the warmth of a nice cold fire and a cuddle-off Brenda

23:11and the smell of the Bisto gravy just wafting it out of the kitchen.

23:18Sit down, she'd say.

23:20Put your feet up, pet, and catch the end of Nationwide,

23:22and I'll put the veg on.

23:24That'd be magic.

23:25Well, put these thoughts from your mind.

23:28Escape is impossible.

23:29For you, Tommy, the war is over.

23:31Hey, hey!

23:52So much for me attempt to cement Anglo-German relations.

24:17Concentrate on cement and bricks, I suppose, you and me, eh?

24:21Look at them, Dennis, from one brick and it, see?

24:24They haven't got no, uh, panache.

24:27Aye, no, that's why they get the needle,

24:28cos they're not as fast as us, man.

24:31Ironic, really, you know, isn't it?

24:34Us here helping erect all this

24:36when it was our luck what flanned it in the first place.

24:39Well, not this bit, man.

24:41This is one of your dormitory suburbs.

24:43Oh, right, like a computer belt sort of thing.

24:46Aye, aye.

24:48Look, give that turk a shot, will you?

24:49We're getting one, don't we?

24:51Oh!

24:53Hey, Donna!

24:54Get your skates on!

24:55Get me on, get me on.

24:58I don't know, old pig.

25:00Get me on.

25:02Get me on.

25:03Get me on.

25:15Get me on.

25:16Get me on.

25:17Get me on.

25:18I'm sorry.

25:19Don't panic, Nev, right?

25:23Cos you know what they say, don't you?

25:25One man's ceiling, there's another man's floor.

25:29I'm bloody faultless, man.

25:31But we're covering for you, aren't we?

25:33Look, if that Foreman geezer comes around, OK, just saw something, all right?

25:47Hey, I wonder when we get my Red Cross parcels, eh?

25:50Chocolate and condensed milk.

25:52You live in a dream world, you older was.

25:55Well, it's a lot better than the real thing, isn't it?

26:05Hey, London!

26:08Old man!

26:13Where's Nev?

26:15Did you throw that?

26:17Aye.

26:18You could've split my bloody head open, you lunatic.

26:20I know, I wanted to know where Neville is, man.

26:23Well, he's over first aid, isn't he?

26:24And I'm bloody lucky I'm not there with him.

26:27Jesus.

26:33Hey, Nev, you all right, kid?

26:37What's happened?

26:38The sauce slipped, isn't it?

26:41It's only a question of what I'll lose first.

26:43This job on me right hand.

26:46Ah, well, I'm afraid you've written your last postcard, son.

26:49Oh, leave us alone, Oz, man.

26:50Hey, that's your dog hand and all, isn't it?

26:52Serious injury and all.

26:53You can't chuck your dog, you'll not be able to hold dominoes.

26:56Shut up, man Oz!

26:57Eh, they'll be popular with the Germans, anyway.

27:00At least they'll be able to keep up with your work, yes?

27:04Oh, dear!

27:05She's throwing a tantrum.

27:06Oh, no, it's a show brush.

27:10Everything's a joke to you, isn't it, Oz?

27:12Just a permanent clown you are.

27:15Aye, well, son, better a clown to bloody misery like you.

27:17You like death warmed up, you are, man.

27:19I'm not here cos I like it, Oz.

27:22Some of us, like me and Dennis,

27:24we're only going through with this cos we've got a purpose.

27:27I thought you just had a wife.

27:28I didn't realise you had a purpose.

27:29What do you feed that on?

27:30Oz, you'll never know when to leave it alone, do you?

27:32Eh?

27:33You're the one that's out of step, Oz.

27:35How's that, Nick?

27:36And what's so comical about me writing to me wife?

27:39What's so strange about us caring for her?

27:41Worrying about her?

27:43Dennis is the same with his missus.

27:45You're just doing this for her, aren't you, Den?

27:47And the Bairns.

27:50We are, son.

28:04Kevin!

28:06Let Angela have a go with the oars.

28:08Here, let's check it out.

28:10Come here.

28:18If you go back to your mums, how they're going to get to school?

28:21I'll manage.

28:23Oh, he's got a car, has he?

28:25Yes, he has.

28:27But we're not going to live together yet.

28:30It hasn't got to that stage.

28:35I still think they'd be happy in their own house.

28:38Not the way it's been with us, they wouldn't.

28:41They understand the arguments now.

28:46It was different when they were toddlers.

28:49Now it's getting harder to answer their questions.

28:52Well, I would have thought, where's dance?

28:54A pretty difficult question to answer.

28:56No, I've had plenty of practice with that one.

28:59There you go, Neve.

29:00That makes it all worthwhile, eh?

29:01First beer pocket.

29:02And bombers last.

29:03What?

29:04You are leaving?

29:05Not soon enough, my old duck.

29:06Got a nice job lined up I have.

29:07Bristol.

29:08New by-path.

29:09Good money.

29:10Home every night.

29:11And English ale.

29:12Yeah, I need a brick.

29:13I'll steam in there Monday, all right?

29:14Great.

29:16Oh, great.

29:17Oh, no.

29:18Oh, no.

29:19Oh, no.

29:20I'm sorry.

29:21Oh, no, no.

29:22I'm sorry if that makes it all worthwhile, eh?

29:23First beer pocket.

29:24And bombers last.

29:25What?

29:26You are leaving?

29:27Not soon enough, my old duck.

29:28Got a nice job lined up I have.

29:29Bristol.

29:30New by-path.

29:31Good money.

29:32Home every night.

29:33And English ale.

29:35Yeah.

29:36I'll need a brick, I'll steam in there Monday, all right?

29:38Great.

29:45Who's this then?

29:46Barry Shaker?

29:47Hi again, Dennis.

29:48Hi, Barry.

29:49Hi.

29:50Hi, everybody.

29:51Hiya.

29:52I believe I've had the pleasure, son.

29:53Oh, Barry.

29:54Barry.

29:55Barry.

29:56I thought you'd gone to Munch and Gladbach.

29:58I didn't like it one bit, did I?

29:59Didn't like the place and all the sights.

30:01This looks all right, though.

30:04It's got a sort of better hair, innit?

30:05Need electricians, do they?

30:06The capo's in there.

30:07Oh, no chance me I'm here, then.

30:08I do that every day.

30:34You'll marry my tattoos, lad?

30:35Oh, yeah.

30:36Sooners are my troubles, these are.

30:37You youngster sews badges on your rucksacks.

30:39Bummer.

30:40He bears them on his body.

30:41I've never seen so many.

30:42Oh, these is nothing.

30:43My mate Plucker from Teamworth, he got all farts on down his back.

30:44The entire pack of that one's running down his spine.

30:45Yeah?

30:46I don't know.

30:47I don't know.

30:48I don't know.

30:49I don't know.

30:50I don't know.

30:51I don't know.

30:52I don't know.

30:53I don't know.

30:54I don't know.

30:55I don't know.

30:56I don't know.

30:57I don't know.

30:58I don't know.

30:59I don't know.

31:00I don't know.

31:01I don't know.

31:02I don't know.

31:03I don't know.

31:04I don't know.

31:05I don't know.

31:06I don't know.

31:07I don't know.

31:08I don't know, man.

31:09He's gone.

31:10He's gone, isn't that?

31:11The entire pack of owens running down his spine.

31:12Yeah.

31:13And he's just at the fox's brush beating out his arms.

31:14Oh, dear.

31:15Oh, the showers is hot enough, but the time you get back here, you've lost all the benefits.

31:21Oh, dear me.

31:22Look at London.

31:23You must have been looking while living in some weird places.

31:26You had his way in blue.

31:27Get off.

31:28Come on, Nev.

31:30All time you're getting your gear on, isn't it?

31:32Oh, I'm not going, thanks.

31:34Go on, mate, do you good. Get yourself out of yourself.

31:36Aye, however, I must take me down to a brothel, man.

31:38I'm not going to a brothel, thanks, very much.

31:40Yeah, there's no panic, you know. It's all above board. State-owned here.

31:44State-owned?

31:46Yeah, see, the girls are sort of civil servants.

31:50It's kind of like the national health.

31:52Look, you don't have to go to the brothel.

31:54Just come and have a few jars with the lads, eh?

31:56Oh, I'm a bit tired, Dan. I'd just as soon stop there and have a bit read.

32:00Bombers ready. Bombers away.

32:02Oh, aye, bomber. Unstoppable.

32:04This is important. It's going to rhyme.

32:06I'll get your phone.

32:08Oh, aye, bomber. Unstoppable.

32:10This is important.

32:12It's going to rhyme.

32:14I'll get your phone.

32:22Oh, no, my shit.

32:34Dearest Brenda.

32:36It is Friday night and the lads have just gone out.

32:38They asked me to join them, but without you,

32:42I didn't see much point.

32:44I prefer to stay here meself, yeah, yeah, save your money.

32:56After all, that's why we're here, isn't it?

32:59I'll send an old mate to the waif.

33:01I'm not married meself, no.

33:06So, most of mine goes back to me building society account.

33:11This West Bromwich and District.

33:14Yeah, you know, the thoughts of that little nest egg justifies like living in this squalor, did it?

33:20I suppose so.

33:22It's a desperate place, this, isn't it?

33:25Oh, yeah, yeah.

33:27But, you know, you've got to get out and about, you know.

33:30I don't mean like carousing and womanising like the rest of the lads.

33:35No, no, say the contrary.

33:37You may as well broaden your horizons while you're out here, you know.

33:41Yeah.

33:42You know, I've already managed to do a bit of sightseeing meself.

33:47Been to Brouge.

33:48Oh, yeah?

33:49Oh, yeah.

33:50It's a really beautiful place, it's Brouge.

33:56Yeah, I took some Polaroids in Brouge.

34:02I think you'll agree that they capture its historic splendour.

34:08I suppose you want the number one, Squire.

34:09Oh, well, if you insist.

34:23Can I have another one, please, Heidi?

34:24Cheers.

34:25Thank you very much.

34:26Talk.

34:27Talk.

34:28Cheers.

34:29Cheers.

34:30Cheers.

34:31Thank you very much.

34:32Talk.

34:33Cheers.

34:34Hey, Ros.

34:35Have you ever been to a Brouge?

34:36No, matter of fact, I haven't.

34:38But, er, I've got a pretty good idea in my mind of what it's going to be like.

34:39Ah, yeah.

34:40Yeah.

34:41We'll go in and everything will be like red, plush, you know, good fittings in nice red form

34:45maker on the table tops and that sort of thing.

34:46And there'll be a little fella in the corner playing a piano with his sleeves rolled up, you

34:51know, and all the birds will be, you know, heavily made up.

34:56And, er, they'll have them wispy corsets on and them stockings with lines up the back and

35:03stiletto, has it?

35:04Yeah, well, I reckon it's going to be a bit different here from what I've been told, Sam.

35:07Well, we'll soon find out, right?

35:08I'll see you next time.

35:09I'll see you next time.

35:10I'll see you next time.

35:11Bye.

35:12Bye.

35:13Bye.

35:14Bye.

35:15Bye.

35:16Bye.

35:17Bye.

35:18Bye.

35:19Bye.

35:20Bye.

35:21Bye.

35:22Bye.

35:23Bye.

35:24Bye.

35:25Bye.

35:26Bye.

35:27Bye.

35:28Bye.

35:29Bye.

35:30Bye.

35:31Bye.

35:32Bye.

35:33Bye.

35:34Bye.

35:35Bye.

35:36Bye.

35:37Bye.

35:55you said this was the best problem in Germany no I didn't I thought it was the

36:18biggest hey Dennis says yeah you tell her hey hey it's not a load in your country they'll find out

36:31they'll cut it off that's it he likes it that's what bummer wants that's what bummer came for

36:39I fancy that one Dennis it's what that one over there Susie Wong about you I've gone off the idea

37:00what never tell you what I'll have a fog and I wouldn't share a toxic bucket well I hope you've

37:06got a full pocket

37:06Dennis he wake you up no no I wasn't sleeping

37:36did you have a good time oh hey where's magic yeah magic did you go to the yeah

37:42wait I did he wasn't bummer did I'll give it a miss me where is bummer oh he's still there

37:47I think he's bought a season ticket bummer what was that like oh nev was fantastic I had this

37:55gorgeous tall I mean admit it Dennis wasn't she gorgeous yeah she wasn't bad no you be quiet

38:00please ah bollocks man she was uh Eurasian nev you know or somewhere like that but I mean let's face

38:10it you don't get a chance with birds like that and back home day I mean was it like different was

38:15it poor tell you one thing mate sex is in its infancy and gets it

38:21turkey two england three why I thought you were going home today boy shouldn't you be at the

38:38station right now should be yes better get your skates on on you not going now no point

38:44why no money hey you had choking you said you had nearly 900 pound to take home

38:53well I had it now I haven't well how many girls did you have well I went out after with some of

39:00the Brits poker was my downfall I was feeling lucky I ran to William Snaps effective

39:10bomber's judgment oh that's tragic what will you tell the wife well he knows exactly what

39:19you'll say that's why bummer's staying

39:21not the first time boy daft is a brush that's always been bummer's problem

39:27I don't know goes to work every week hands it over to the wife pays for the house new clothes for

39:37the kids don't leave much for yourself like suddenly you gets a great water spending money

39:45in your fist throws you off kilter it's a great feeling being able to buy drinks for your friends

39:50even strangers so what are you gonna do now

39:55as much overtime as I can crack

39:59it's a straight and out of from now on for bummer

40:02it's a great feeling

40:07it's a great feeling

40:09so yeah

40:10you know

40:11the

40:11we're all you know

40:12we're all you know

40:13and we need to be getting a good thing

40:15yeah

40:15Hey!

40:44Hey!

40:46Hey!

40:47Langsam!

40:49Mach langsam!

40:52What's Langsam?

40:53Slow down.

40:55Ah!

40:56That's what Susie won with St. Emilio, right?

41:14Hey, Nev!

41:19Capo tells me you've jacked it in.

41:22Well, is it true?

41:25Well, yeah.

41:27No choice, have I?

41:33See, if Bummer had gone, I'd have stopped, but...

41:37I'm no chippy man, Dennis.

41:40I can't go on faking it.

41:42Well, look, I'll tell you what, I'll have a word, OK?

41:44I'll explain the circumstances, I'll say that you're dead keen to stay on,

41:47and then he'll just walk you back the bricks.

41:50Well, it's too late for that now, Den.

41:53See, I just rang the missus and told her I'm coming.

41:57What, was it a letter like?

41:59No, it wasn't her.

42:01She's put no pressure on at all.

42:03It's me, man, Dennis.

42:05I hate it here, I admit.

42:08See, maybe I could make £1,000, but it would take us six months, man.

42:13I can't stand the prospect of that.

42:15Yeah, it's partly my fault, I suppose, eh?

42:17No.

42:18Getting too rosy a picture.

42:19No, it's not that either.

42:21See, it's just, I know me, I know I wouldn't last a distance.

42:26Well, when do you leave?

42:28Said I'd work out this week.

42:30Right, listen, Friday night, OK?

42:33You're coming out with the lads, right?

42:35I mean, you haven't come all this way to spend two weeks in a hut

42:38reading ozzers over Joe Library boots.

42:40No, no, no, no, no arguments, that's settled, all right?

42:43Well, all right.

42:45Good lad.

42:51I've got some nice-looking birds out there, Colts.

42:54I've got to kill them, that's all.

43:03Yeah, you saw that.

43:05Once you get this tape tomorrow, you'll be back with your Brenda.

43:08That's true, you'd better get in there quick.

43:12Her friends are so jealous

43:15You know how bad girls get

43:18Sometimes it's not so easy

43:21To be the teacher's pet

43:24Temptation

43:26Make it nice

43:27I'm not sure

43:28Somebody

43:29You have a poor man's good

43:31Oh, man!

43:32Oh, man!

43:33Oh, man!

43:34Oh, man!

43:35Oh, man!

43:36Oh, man!

43:37Oh, man!

43:38Oh, man!

43:39Oh, man!

43:40Oh, man!

43:41Oh, man!

43:42Oh, man!

43:43Oh, man!

43:44Oh, man!

43:45Oh, man!

43:46Oh, man!

43:47Oh, man!

43:48Oh, man!

43:49Oh, man!

43:50Oh, man!

43:51Oh, man!

43:52What, your spirits have risen a bit, haven't it?

43:53I've no song for you and I

43:54Looks like it!

43:55Is this your chicken here, Brum?

43:56Brumma Drona

43:57William Snap

43:58Have a chip

43:59V-by guest

44:00V-by and F-line

44:01Anthony William

44:02Oh, hey, Brumma, not for the lard, man, eh?

44:05Hey, it's quite nice, aren't I?

44:06It reminds us of someone who's impaired

44:08What's that?

44:10What's that?

44:11Hey, hi, hi,

44:13Oh, aye, aye.

44:15Pardon me for the smell, come on.

44:19Go, go, lads.

44:20Thank you, Shane.

44:28What is this, Kim, then?

44:30Well, that's all the note was great.

44:31Hey, I wouldn't get any ideas if I was you, mate.

44:33Oh, no, I've been watching it. It's quite simple, really.

44:36Well, I added 50 quid in last week, just like that, man.

44:39And what do you call home with your wages intact?

44:42Oh, yeah.

44:46Brenda was telling us on the phone she'd seen you and Vera.

44:53Vera was telling her, like, you and her had split up.

44:57Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, Demma.

44:59You never say it.

45:03We're in things, yeah, you know.

45:07Great hand of God, you know.

45:12Oh, dear, am I who died?

45:14Why?

45:15Well, you two, look at you, man.

45:17You look as miserable as sin.

45:20We're just talking about the meaning of life, Oz.

45:24Oh, aye, that, yeah.

45:25I give that a lot of thought, Lee.

45:27You know, being a bricklayer.

45:28I mean, it makes you a bit of a philosopher.

45:31Have you ever had any ambition, Oz?

45:33Who knows?

45:35Ambition.

45:37His only ambition is to see Friday's come round again, man.

45:40Hehehehe.

45:41Hehehehe.

45:42I know, man.

45:43A lot of people tell you, say, you'll be the one who lets you down.

45:52But don't you pay no mind, cos all they wanna do is tell your lies.

45:58Only wanna be the one who'll stay around.

46:09Good day, London.

46:10Nice square.

46:11See you later.

46:12See you later.

46:17Oh, my God.

46:18That's a good one.

46:19See?

46:20It's a good one.

46:21It's a good one, aren't you?

46:22All right.

46:24Well, give him, man.

46:25It's never what I'm telling you.

46:26No, no, no.

46:27Leave it out, man.

46:28He's winning.

46:32Oh, same again, eh?

46:35Bunchy, get him back, eh?

46:37Oh, that's me great rush, man, Dennis.

46:39Yay!

46:42Okay.

46:43Just look after him, will ya?

46:45Dennis, I guarantee you, you've got any of my sense.

46:47I'll make sure you do, right?

46:48It's guaranteed.

46:49All right.

46:53Whoa-ho-ho!

46:54Eh?

46:59If you want my love

47:02If you want my love

47:04Take your love

47:12What?

47:13What?

47:14What?

47:15What?

47:16What?

47:17What?

47:18What?

47:23No, I'm watching.

47:29Why?

47:33Orz?

47:35Orz, Orz, break up, man.

47:38Orz!

47:40What, man?

47:41What, man? Where's Neville?

47:43What? Where's Neville?

47:47Well, he's not in here with me.

47:48Well, did he not come back with you last night?

47:51No, he, er...

47:54He went out with Bomman and some of the lads. I forget where.

47:57Oh, man. I knew I shouldn't have left him with you.

48:00Oh, I didn't fret, man. You've been wet-nosing him since we left.

48:03He's old enough, man.

48:05Good God, please.

48:06Oh, bollocks.

48:07Some of us are trying to sleep, you know?

48:10Oh, double bollocks.

48:11Look, let's stay to you.

48:13Where you been?

48:14Lots of places.

48:15I can't remember in what order.

48:17Well, where'd you wake up?

48:19The railway station. On a bench.

48:21Well, it's pretty you didn't have your stuff, will you?

48:23You could've just hopped straight on the train.

48:25There he was, Bomman.

48:27I don't know. I think he went to the brothel.

48:29Well, you didn't, like...

48:31Certainly not.

48:33I don't know. I think he went to the brothel.

48:35Well, you didn't, like...

48:37Certainly not.

48:39Well, Howie, then get your gear together and I'll get you straight down the station.

48:43No, I'm not going.

48:45What?

48:46I'm not going.

48:47Let me guess why.

48:49You've lost all your money, haven't you, eh?

48:51You've blown it all on booze and gambling, haven't you?

48:53Just like, Bomman.

48:54Haven't you?

48:55I don't know how I ended up, man.

48:57I don't understand this German money.

48:59Look at that lot!

49:01What?

49:02What?

49:03Did I win?

49:04Did you win?

49:05You rich bunny lad!

49:06Am I?

49:07Well, comfortably well off, anyway.

49:09Yeah, we'll charter him a 747 with us.

49:11We can have him warm for his tea.

49:13I can't go home.

49:15Ever.

49:16Why not?

49:17Look, so you didn't stick it out.

49:19But you're going home with a wad full of money.

49:21He's got nothing to be ashamed of, has he?

49:23Why not?

49:24Haven't I?

49:25I want to go home with this.

49:29Who's Lottie?

49:31I can't remember.

49:35Working on the side from morning to night

49:38That's living all right

49:40That's living all right

49:42Then a pint with the boys

49:44And a baffle of noise

49:46That's living all right

49:48That's living all right

49:50Working all day

49:52Four bins of pay

49:54They're blowing all on Saturday night

49:57And you kiss the Danes

49:59But you don't ask their names

50:01That's living all right

50:05Working in the sun

50:07Crooky schnapps having fun

50:08That's living all right

50:10That's living all right

50:12Then a night in the town

50:14Spreading it around

50:16That's living all right

50:18That's living all right

50:20Working all day

50:21For a packet of pay

50:23To pay

50:24I'd send a little back to the world

50:27Still you keep a little hill

50:29Just to keep you in beer

50:30That's living all right

50:32That's living all right

50:34Yeah, you play the game

50:36Then it's happy to say

50:38That's living all right

50:40Tell them a lie

50:43With a glint in your eye

50:45That's living all right

50:46That's living all right

50:48That's living all right

50:50And you kiss the Danes

50:52But you don't ask their names

50:53That's living all right

50:54That's living all right

50:56Yeah, you play the game

50:58Then it's happy to say

51:00That's living all right

51:02That's living all right

51:03That's living all right

51:04That's living all right

51:05That's living all right

51:06That's living all right

51:07That's living all right

51:08That's living all right

51:09That's living all right

51:10That's living all right

51:11That's living all right

51:12That's living all right

51:13That's living all right

51:14That's living all right

51:15That's living all right

51:16That's living all right

51:17That's living all right

51:18That's living all right

51:19That's living all right

51:20That's living all right

51:21That's living all right

51:22That's living all right

51:23That's living all right

51:24That's living all right

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