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00:00The headlines tonight, NATO annulled after Delegate Swallows' treaty,
00:05I'm so sorry, yells exploding cleaner,
00:09and bearded cleric in oily chin insertion.
00:12Those are the headlines. God, I wish they weren't.
00:43Top Gits tonight.
00:47News presenter sacked in attempt to sell house to David Owen.
00:5175,000, would that be enough, do you think?
00:53And spiders will never speak, insists Ambassador.
00:57I don't think so myself. I should be very surprised if they did it in public,
01:02and I should be equally surprised if they did it in private.
01:09There's growing evidence this evening that suspects held in police cells are being eaten by police.
01:14This report from Ted Maul has that story.
01:17Four men vanish overnight from a Reading police cell.
01:20The next detainee complains of a drain blocked with caked blood and pieces of fat on his floor.
01:26A drunk man in Chatham is banged up for the night and has his arm punched full of holes.
01:31He says the police tried to fill his arm with garlic.
01:34Just part of an increasingly muscular body of evidence,
01:38that say activist, proves that suspect eating is on the increase,
01:42and that the increase is getting rapid.
01:45The best evidence of all is this.
01:47A Bow Street bastard.
01:49A special truncheon used for beating suspects,
01:52which tears out cubes of flesh small enough to fry.
01:56Activist Harkon Petty says this is just one piece of evidence of suspect eating
02:01from a huge list in his head.
02:03And it's nonsense.
02:06Unexplained disappearances from police cells have doubled in the last year.
02:10Records show suspects are regularly weighed and smeared in oil.
02:13But police say this is just standard practice for young offenders.
02:17He's an idiot!
02:18Campaigners are calling for immediate action.
02:20Without it, they say,
02:21thousands of suspects across the country could be eaten tonight
02:25by panicking policemen.
02:27It's just been announced...
02:28Yeah, thanks.
02:29It's just been announced there's to be a special inquiry
02:32into the government's handling of the Froome shipping deal,
02:34which flew to pieces last month
02:36amid accusations of gross ministerial misconduct.
02:39Our economics correspondent, Peter O'Hanrahan,
02:42is with the Minister for Ships, Michael Crane.
02:44He's just prized him out of an emergency meeting.
02:47I'm with the Minister for Ships, Michael Crane, MP.
02:49That's why, Peter,
02:49the thing I've just said comes spewing straight back out of your stupid slab of a face.
02:53Mr Crane, choppy waters for the government.
02:55Not at all, Peter.
02:57This procedure was entirely proper,
02:59and I think the inquiry will prove
03:01that the government's handling of this matter was entirely proper.
03:04So the government's ship, back on course?
03:06Absolutely.
03:07Back to you, Chris.
03:08Peter, what the hell was that?
03:09This man's made a big-scale cock-up here.
03:11You let him get away with it.
03:12Now, let me speak to him.
03:14Put your earpiece next to his head and stand still.
03:18Now, Minister,
03:19there's reason to believe that you lied to the House.
03:22How do you answer that?
03:23Well, that is a very serious and unfounded allegation,
03:27and I'll be making a statement to the House
03:29based on the preliminary inquiry next week.
03:32A week is a long time in politics.
03:34Rabbutler...
03:34Shut up, Peter.
03:35Now, Minister, did you or did you not lie to the House?
03:38I will be making a false statement to the House next...
03:40It's a simple question, yes or no.
03:42Did you or did you not lie?
03:46I, um...
03:47As the Minister for Ships sprawls on the pin,
03:50it's back to you, Chris.
03:52No, it isn't, Peter.
03:52He's about to answer the question.
03:54He's about to admit to lying to the House.
03:56You've let him get away again.
03:57Where's he gone?
03:59Over there.
04:00Well, get him back!
04:02He's in a cab.
04:03Peter, you've lost the news!
04:06What are you going to say?
04:07Sorry.
04:09Look like you mean it.
04:10Look down at the ground and say sorry.
04:13I'm sorry.
04:14Peter, next time you cross the road,
04:16don't bother looking.
04:18Sorry.
04:24Travel now from Valerie Sinatra in her pod
04:27a mile above the centre of Great Britain.
04:28Valerie, talk me some road.
04:30Well, you're gagging for it, Chris,
04:33so here it goes.
04:34The M4 between Reading and London is still solid.
04:37That's due to the lorry driver having shed his skin
04:40across three lanes,
04:42so watch out for oily patches there.
04:44The M40 southbound still slow
04:46due to that earlier large accident.
04:48Police reckon they should have finished
04:49bagging and labelling everything by about midnight.
04:52Meanwhile, mobile vehicle crushers
04:54are in operation in Cardiff on Red Line routes,
04:57so if you're illegally parked there,
04:59they will crush your car to the size of a satsuma
05:01and simply hand it back to you.
05:03I love satsumas.
05:03Well, so do I, Chris,
05:05but I don't think I'd like to drive one.
05:06Yeah, but I bet if you did, you'd do it really well.
05:10Finally, a look at the capital, which is London.
05:13Worse than ever tonight, I'm afraid,
05:14lots of cars on Oxford Street
05:16being slowed down by their own lights.
05:18So I'm afraid your fast, speedy sports car
05:20no use to you at all tonight, Chris.
05:23Thanks so much indeed, Valerie,
05:24and I'm sure Alan will agree
05:25she certainly is one for a fast car.
05:27She certainly is.
05:28I prefer something a little bit more comfortable myself.
05:30Well, with me, Alan,
05:31it's comfort and speed every time.
05:34Well, a fast car's a safe car.
05:36Of course, in the States,
05:37we drive a whole lot slower than you guys.
05:39Actually, I think statistically,
05:40slower cars are actually more dangerous.
05:42Yeah, but you can't be saying
05:43we should get rid of the speed limits.
05:45No, no, no, no, no.
05:45That's what I can do with.
05:49Now the sport with Alan Partridge.
05:52Thanks, Chris.
05:53And it's a special desk of sport this week
05:55as we look forward to all the sporting action
05:58that will take place in this year's
06:001994 World Cup Finals in America
06:02in Alan Partridge's World Cup Countdown to 94.
06:09Goal!
06:11Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
06:20That was a goal!
06:23Goal!
06:27Striker!
06:29Eat that!
06:31And another!
06:33Bing bang, stick it in!
06:35Thank you, good night!
06:37Flat!
06:39That was liquid football!
06:42Er...
06:43Shit!
06:44Did you see that?
06:46He must have a foot like a traction engine!
06:50Goal!
06:53Well, it's going to be three weeks of non-stop action
06:56and to help us along
06:57and a little bit of colour
06:59and fun to the proceedings,
07:01I've got with me a soccer meter.
07:04What's that, Alan?
07:05Well, I'll tell you.
07:06It's very simple.
07:07It's to explain the group system.
07:09Now, first of all,
07:11all these long arms here,
07:13these long signposts,
07:14are the venues where the matches will be played.
07:17Dallas, San Francisco, Los Angeles,
07:18and so on.
07:19If you look at me from above,
07:20you can see that these are the group,
07:22this is the group system.
07:25It's 14 groups.
07:26A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N.
07:30And there are four rounds.
07:33There's round one, the red round,
07:34yellow round, blue round, red round again.
07:36Those are my colour coding,
07:38not FIFA's.
07:38You won't find that with FIFA,
07:40just with me.
07:40So that's the basis of it.
07:43And as you can see,
07:44they get progressively fewer towards the centre,
07:49the ultimate goal being the World Cup.
07:52All right, let's take an example.
07:53OK, round one is Pasadena.
07:58Let's say it takes place in Pasadena,
07:59between Chile and Paraguay,
08:01something like that.
08:01OK, and then we're through to round two,
08:04which is, let's say it's San Francisco.
08:07We've not got much time here.
08:08San Francisco, and that goes through to Orlando.
08:11So let's take it round to Orlando there.
08:16Let's move those out of the way.
08:22Where's San Francisco?
08:24Where's, right, just going to find San Francisco.
08:26Where is it?
08:27There it is, right.
08:29So San Francisco have played Orlando,
08:32and then we're through to round three,
08:33Los Angeles.
08:36It's not written, it's,
08:38it's, it's, this,
08:39it's not written on that side.
08:40It should be,
08:42but it's blimey not.
08:43And then,
08:45it's whoever went,
08:46that, that,
08:47then we're through to the final,
08:48and the World Cup.
08:49Who's that going to be?
08:52Goal!
08:54The proof is in the pudding,
08:56and the pudding in this case
08:58is a football.
09:01Boof!
09:02Eat my goal!
09:03The goalie has got football pie all over his shirt.
09:08I'm Alan Bartridge,
09:10and that will be my World Cup 94.
09:12You can come too.
09:14Join me.
09:15Thanks, Alan.
09:16More support from you later.
09:17Absolutely, Chris.
09:18With a bit of luck,
09:19we'll have Sandy Lyle on the line.
09:20America now.
09:21If you have a baby in the States,
09:22you may well be in for a bit of a surprise
09:24when they yank it out.
09:26Barbara Wintergreen reports.
09:28San Spirido, California,
09:31where Americans keen to brood
09:32but too busy to breed
09:34pay for a prosthetic pregnancy.
09:36This is a natus,
09:37a plastic disc implanted inside the womb,
09:40which expands to give the sensation of labor
09:42without being sentenced to children.
09:44And there she is.
09:46Can you see her at the top there?
09:47There she is.
09:48Say hello.
09:49The cervico substitute
09:51is the formica brainchild
09:52of doctors Bill McVitie
09:53and Mortimer Marcus.
09:55Isn't that extraordinary?
09:56It starts out like that,
09:57it ends up like that.
09:58Within the woman's body.
09:59Absolutely.
10:00Comes out just like this.
10:02At this fallopian factory,
10:04people come for a credit card conception.
10:06The price includes labor and delivery,
10:08and there's a hefty surcharge
10:09on the discharge.
10:12Among the thousands of proxy parents
10:14forking out for this flexible fetus
10:16are Anton and Lally Sampson.
10:18We've really worked hard.
10:20You know, we've given him his own room.
10:22He's got his Bon Jovi posters,
10:24you know,
10:25Sharon's the Red Sox.
10:26But divorcing Americans
10:27are causing courtroom chaos
10:29in custody battles
10:30for their beloved disc.
10:32And outside the Natus Institute,
10:34Women's League protester
10:35Taya Peachman
10:36leads a womb vigil
10:37against synthetic siring.
10:39I believe you've been smashing Nati.
10:41Is that true?
10:42Yeah, we have Nati smashing
10:44by the side of the road
10:45to try and de-encourage the women
10:46who come in here
10:47thinking that they want
10:48that thing in their womb
10:49and they don't, do not.
10:51They can spend their money,
10:52but they should just remember
10:53that they're women
10:54and they have a right
10:54to live and to breathe.
10:57That's the beauty
10:57of the whole Natus thing
10:59is that if a woman wants the pain,
11:01if she wants to scream,
11:02if she wants to bleed,
11:03she can.
11:04If, however,
11:05she just wants it to pop out
11:06like a...
11:07A bar of soap.
11:08Like a bar of soap,
11:09then she can have
11:10that option too.
11:12So it looks like
11:12this is one reproduction line
11:14where a plastic and placenta
11:16go hand in hand.
11:17Barbara Wintergreen,
11:18CBM News
11:18at the Natus Institute,
11:20San Sperdo, California.
11:23The day today,
11:25because fact into doubt
11:26won't go.
11:29And we've just heard
11:30that areas in three
11:32of Britain's biggest cities
11:33are being evacuated
11:34due to suspect dogs.
11:36Police believe
11:37this could be the start
11:38of a mainland campaign
11:39of dog bombs
11:40threatened by the IRA
11:40last month.
11:41This report from Eugene Fraxby
11:43who's got the story
11:44with him reports.
11:46Oxford Street in London
11:47with three policemen
11:49and a knotted tape barrier.
11:51A stray dog was spotted
11:53here an hour ago
11:54and everybody ran out.
11:56Police then isolated
11:58the area containing the dog
12:00and told the public
12:01to clear off.
12:04Later they located it
12:06and conducted
12:07a controlled explosion.
12:13But as the remains
12:14were being taken
12:15for laboratory tests,
12:17a second dog
12:18ran out from the crowd.
12:20It could have been a bomb.
12:22The police had no choice.
12:25It was over in seconds.
12:27A dog and three people
12:29dead from guns.
12:31Being old,
12:32they would have died soon anyway.
12:33But the dog
12:34which contained
12:35no explosive at all
12:36was shot to ribbons
12:38in its prime.
12:38By six o'clock this evening
12:41a monument had been built
12:43marking the end perhaps
12:44of the relationship
12:45between man and dog
12:47which today went from this
12:50to this.
12:53The only way police
12:55can neutralise bomb dogs
12:56is to spray them
12:57with a resin coating
12:58which hardens instantly
12:59to contain any explosion.
13:01The inside of the bomb dog
13:03is obviously destroyed
13:04but the outside
13:05stays the same shape.
13:06However,
13:07if the underside
13:08is not covered
13:09a highly directional blast
13:11launches the animal
13:12vertically
13:12to a height
13:13of over a thousand feet.
13:17Coming up
13:18new explosive sus laws
13:20mean any domestic dog
13:21is now a potential hazard
13:24and an eyewitness
13:26who was caught up
13:27in more bomb dog chaos.
13:29I was shooting one
13:30policeman in particular
13:31I saw and went
13:57seven more dogs have gone off
13:59in the last ten minutes.
14:01Eugene Fraxby.
14:02The four hounds
14:04exploded in central London
14:06without warning
14:07or within yards
14:08of government buildings.
14:10The Prime Minister
14:11put on a brave face
14:13but for many
14:14like Tory Whip
14:15Peter Goodwright
14:16the time for calm words
14:18is over.
14:19An absolute
14:20fucking disgrace.
14:22These inhumans
14:23sit for souls
14:23and suckers
14:24have no place here.
14:25In my considered opinion
14:27they are calm.
14:29Journalist David Mellor
14:31added little of interest
14:32and insolent contempt
14:33for public opinion.
14:34And for junior
14:35health secretary
14:35Paul Mann
14:36words alone
14:37could not express
14:38his anger.
14:41Police are on the alert
14:43again this evening
14:44and have cordoned off
14:45a man in Piccadilly.
14:47It's believed
14:47he may have eaten
14:48a suspect dog
14:49last night
14:50and could now
14:51go off himself.
14:53Sinn Féin
14:54have so far denied
14:55they are backing
14:56the campaign.
14:57Earlier today
14:58I spoke to their
14:59deputy leader
15:00Rory O'Connor
15:00who under broadcasting
15:02restrictions
15:02must inhale helium
15:03to subtract credibility
15:05from his statements.
15:06So what's your initial statement?
15:10These incidents
15:11are inevitable
15:11given the position
15:13of the British government.
15:14You do support
15:14this campaign then?
15:16The IRA have been
15:16forced into this position.
15:18So you do support
15:19this campaign of violence?
15:23The IRA...
15:25Sinn Féin
15:26is a legitimate
15:27political party.
15:28Which supports
15:29terrorist action.
15:30Your tone is antagonistic
15:31and you're making me
15:32very angry.
15:34And since we conducted
15:35that interview
15:36all sides in the conflict
15:37have had a meeting
15:38and have sorted
15:39everything out.
15:39The day-to-day
15:41is now available
15:42in these fine locations.
15:44The night sky
15:45over Paris.
15:47The International
15:48Hackemecker Building
15:49in Chicago.
15:51The wall
15:51of Cheops
15:52Pyramid
15:53at Giza
15:53and the handles
15:54of 400 million
15:55petrol pumps
15:56across the globe.
15:58The huge success
16:00of the BBC's
16:01new soap opera
16:02The Bureau
16:02has now spread
16:03to Italy.
16:06They've got a
16:08daytime discussion
16:08show there
16:09devoted entirely
16:10to it.
16:11It's called
16:11Belo Buretti
16:12and its stars
16:13are the wagging
16:14tongues of hosts
16:15Carmina Zou
16:16and Pukazina
16:17McCray.
16:40So much for the
16:42Euro Bureau.
16:43Meanwhile,
16:44back here in Britain
16:44a nation holds
16:45its breath tonight
16:46for the 2000th edition.
16:49Buro.
17:05Go away!
17:06Go!
17:07Quick!
17:08Get him into the Bureau
17:09of the Shoals!
17:11Oh, God.
17:16What happened?
17:17Who did this to you?
17:18I don't know.
17:18I didn't see.
17:19I'll get them.
17:20I'll get these
17:21evildoers.
17:21No, Alex.
17:22Violence solves nothing.
17:24Why did they do this
17:25to me?
17:26Just because I'm gay.
17:28I'm gay.
17:29I'm gay.
17:31What?
17:33It's Guy, Mr. Hennity.
17:34He's been attacked.
17:36Yeah, I know.
17:36What did you say?
17:38I said I'm gay.
17:40You're fired.
17:42What?
17:42I'm warning you,
17:43Jack Hennity.
17:44If Guy goes,
17:45we all go.
17:46Yeah?
17:47Yeah!
17:48Yeah!
17:49Yeah!
17:49Go on then,
17:50walk.
17:51The lot of you,
17:52walk.
17:52I've got people
17:53queuing up to work
17:54inside this Bureau
17:55of the Shoals.
17:57Right.
18:01Right.
18:03I'm going.
18:07Me too.
18:08I don't even work here.
18:13Yeah, go on.
18:14You go and all.
18:16But just you remember
18:16what you said.
18:20Maria!
18:23Maria!
18:24Maria!
18:29I would see myself
18:31as an individual
18:33human being
18:35needing salvation,
18:38receiving it
18:39through the work
18:40of Jesus Christ.
18:42Do you find
18:42the day-to-day
18:43comes into this at all?
18:44Well, how can it not?
18:46It is day-to-day.
18:48Every day,
18:48the day-to-day?
18:49Every day,
18:50day-to-day.
18:50For you?
18:51Yes.
18:52And with a bit of luck
18:54for all these people?
18:57That's what one prays for,
18:59what one would like to see.
19:00You would like to see
19:01the day-to-day
19:02for all these people today?
19:04If your prayer was answered?
19:06I thought they should
19:07each enter into
19:08an experience
19:09of personal salvation.
19:11Which would include
19:12the day-to-day?
19:13Well, how could it not?
19:15I don't know
19:16what kind of salvation
19:17you could be talking about
19:18that wouldn't include
19:19the day-to-day.
19:25Enviromation
19:26from me,
19:27Rosie May.
19:28An international ban
19:30on the hunting of waves
19:31has finally been introduced.
19:33Waves have been used
19:34for centuries
19:35to pull cars
19:36in small countries,
19:37but are now facing extinction.
19:40Over a million
19:40specially farmed waves
19:42are to be released
19:42into the wild
19:43this winter.
19:45Man has finally
19:46harnessed the cooling power
19:48of worms
19:49to drive a fridge.
19:50The worms inhabit
19:51an internal piping system
19:53cooling everything
19:54as they go.
19:55Cramming in more worms
19:56lowers the temperature.
19:58Worms.
20:00I'm Rosie May.
20:01My milk is green.
20:03Come drink me.
20:05Tomorrow,
20:05the Home Office
20:06release a new series
20:07of videos designed
20:08to help young people
20:09with everyday problems.
20:10They're produced
20:11in association
20:12with the day-to-day
20:12and this is the first.
20:17Soap, Greg!
20:19Soap!
20:21Soap!
20:22Soap!
20:22Yeah!
20:23Soap!
20:25Hello, I'm Graeme.
20:26And I'm Crispin.
20:27And today we're going to
20:28show you how to deal
20:28with a relative
20:29who's just died in your house.
20:30Let's go.
20:31Oh, look.
20:32Dad's dead.
20:33Oh, bagger.
20:34Hello, Dad.
20:35Are you dead?
20:36Right then,
20:37what you'll need
20:37is some vinegar,
20:38an oven glove,
20:40two ping pong rolls,
20:42fresh books,
20:43some butcher's grass,
20:45super glue,
20:46some bungee,
20:46a salad spinner,
20:47and a chisel.
20:49One chisel,
20:50and a packet of fresh leaves.
20:51First, embalming.
20:52A cup of vinegar.
20:54Bit of shoe polish
20:54on the wrists.
20:55And inject the corpse
20:57thoroughly with fresh.
20:59Now he's ready
21:00for a coffin.
21:00But don't forget,
21:02wash your hands.
21:10Now he's unburied.
21:11Now he's not.
21:13Leave her up
21:14a nearby paving stone.
21:17Scotch on the name.
21:20On the stone.
21:24And make way for the priest.
21:26For your bouquet,
21:27stick your chisel
21:28into your salad spinner.
21:29Plunge it into the mound.
21:31Flowers.
21:35Sorted.
21:37Unless, of course,
21:38you're a Muslim.
21:39Muslim.
21:40Muslim.
21:41Yeah!
21:46Now with the rest
21:47of today's news,
21:48Chris, thanks.
21:49It's eight o'clock.
21:50This is the day today.
21:53The main stories so far.
21:55The Libyan leader,
21:56Colonel Gaddafi,
21:57has plunged southern Europe
21:58into crisis
21:59by kidnapping Crete
22:00and towing it
22:01to a secret location
22:02off the Libyan coast.
22:04Crowds in Tripoli
22:06welcomed the news.
22:07A delighted Gaddafi
22:08waving like a girl.
22:10Libyan tugs
22:11stole Crete
22:12at two o'clock
22:13this morning.
22:13At first,
22:14the natives,
22:15aided by strong winds,
22:16were able to haul it
22:17halfway back.
22:18But then they lost grip.
22:19The island was towed
22:20to the North African coast
22:22and hidden under water.
22:25The Lincolnshire village
22:26of Vladney
22:27is tonight recovering
22:28from a gravity quake
22:29during which the Earth's pole
22:30was reversed
22:31for seven minutes,
22:32sending everything
22:33not secured
22:34onto the ground
22:34over a mile
22:35into the air.
22:37The quake struck
22:38at 4.30 this afternoon.
22:40These pictures
22:41were taken by Paul Cork,
22:42who had his Polaroid
22:43with him
22:44when he fell up
22:44into the roof
22:45of a shed.
22:47This man survived
22:48by clinging
22:48onto a boot scraper.
22:50Others were
22:50not so lucky.
22:52I was playing football
22:53with my cousin
22:53just in the garden there
22:55and he jumped up
22:57to catch the ball
22:57and just kept going.
22:59His cousin later
23:00reined back
23:01onto the ground
23:02along with 4,000
23:03other villagers.
23:06The American Space Shuttle
23:08Endeavour 4
23:08sets off tonight
23:09on its special
23:10stunt mission.
23:11Once in orbit,
23:12it will hurtle
23:12towards a NASA space ramp,
23:14fly off the end
23:15and leap over
23:16a line of 12
23:16other shuttles.
23:17It will then return
23:19to Earth tomorrow
23:19afternoon
23:20at half past three.
23:26It's time now
23:26for our resident humorist
23:28Brandt,
23:28the physical cartoonist
23:29from the Daily Telegraph,
23:30to bloody the noses
23:31of the great and good.
23:33Mr. B,
23:34make us smile
23:35about the bad things
23:36in the world.
23:37This week,
23:38I've been looking east
23:40where Chris Patton,
23:41like King Kong,
23:42has made a monkey
23:43of himself
23:44over Hong Kong.
23:56An old man
23:57stands naked
23:58in front of a mirror
24:00eating soup.
24:02He is a fool.
24:04Jacques-Jacques Liverow,
24:06a brilliant man
24:06and a surprisingly
24:07nice one, too.
24:09Now, it's easy to tell
24:10if somebody's dead,
24:11but how can you tell
24:12if you're dead?
24:13Some people have lived
24:14to tell the tale
24:16in a short film
24:17we've made.
24:25Lucy Turner Warwick
24:27is a boxing trainer
24:28in High Wycombe.
24:29She had a near-death
24:30experience when in a coma
24:31induced by a pupil.
24:34I learnt later
24:34that I had actually died.
24:36My heart stopped
24:37for, I don't know,
24:39a few seconds.
24:41I could see a tunnel
24:43and at the end
24:44of that tunnel
24:44a very, very bright light.
24:46I was aware
24:47of a figure standing
24:49at the end
24:49where the light was.
24:50She led me
24:51into an open plan office
24:54and at the back
24:55there was this
24:55little separate office
24:56and she beckoned me
24:57towards it
24:58and on the door
24:58it said,
24:59God.
24:59And there was a man,
25:01very nice,
25:02friendly man
25:03in a suit,
25:04grey hair,
25:04and I sat down
25:06and we chatted a bit.
25:07He was very jokey
25:08and jolly
25:09and I remember
25:09he had a little sign
25:10behind his head
25:12that said,
25:13it was one of those,
25:15you know,
25:15you don't have to be mad
25:15to work here
25:16but it helps
25:17or something.
25:17So I thought,
25:18well, he's obviously
25:19got a sense of humour.
25:20Anyway, we talked
25:21and then he pointed
25:22to another man
25:23in a suit
25:23with a beard
25:24and said,
25:25that's my son.
25:26And I looked back
25:27at God
25:27and he laughed
25:28and said,
25:29it's family firm.
25:31And it was very,
25:32very friendly
25:33but very boring.
25:36I'm afraid
25:37all of these people
25:38that talk
25:38of these out-of-body
25:39experiences
25:40are basically
25:40congenital liars.
25:43Sean Toclear-Gardsley
25:44is Professor
25:45of Psychosociology
25:46at University College London.
25:48He is a sceptic.
25:50We have a whole catalogue
25:51of examples
25:52of hospitals
25:53actually manufacturing
25:54out-of-body experiences
25:56whereby they attach
25:57patients
25:58to wires
25:59and actually
26:00lift them up
26:02towards the ceiling,
26:03therefore creating
26:04in the patient
26:04a feeling
26:05of literally
26:06lifting out
26:07of their bodies.
26:09In laboratory experiments,
26:11scientists artificially
26:12created near-death
26:13experiences
26:13in mice.
26:15They fired hungry mice
26:17against a wall
26:18with a specially
26:18calibrated gun.
26:21Food was placed
26:22on a shelf
26:22above the comatose mice.
26:24If they had a soul,
26:26it would leave
26:27the mouse's body,
26:28float upwards,
26:29and eat.
26:32The results showed
26:34that afterwards
26:34the mice felt
26:36as if they had just eaten.
26:39More proof
26:40was provided
26:40by the out-of-body
26:41experience
26:42of Leslie Sarfrat.
26:44I could actually
26:45see myself
26:46coming out
26:47of my mouth
26:48as vomit,
26:49but it wasn't just
26:49as vomit,
26:50it was like
26:50as vomit
26:51in a dress,
26:52and then I woke up
26:53and I was a woman.
26:54I went into my experience
26:56as a man,
26:57but left it
26:58as a woman,
26:59something definitely
27:00happened,
27:01but I don't know what.
27:03So how do you
27:04explain the case
27:05of Keith Phillips
27:06who returned
27:07from his
27:08out-of-body
27:09experience
27:09as a woman?
27:11He didn't.
27:13But we filmed it
27:15and there's
27:15an awful lot
27:16of evidence
27:17to assure
27:17that that's the case.
27:19No, there isn't.
27:21Do you believe
27:22in God?
27:23Oh, yes.
27:25And I liked him,
27:26I like him.
27:27I love him,
27:28but I
27:30don't
27:30want to go
27:32and work for him.
27:35Not yet.
27:37An optimist
27:38sees half a pint
27:39of milk.
27:40He says,
27:41it is half full.
27:42A pessimist
27:43sees half a pint
27:44of milk.
27:44He says,
27:45it is half empty.
27:47I see half a pint
27:48of milk.
27:49I say it is sour.
27:51No time for anything
27:52but the weather.
27:53A lot of snow around.
27:54Pretty grim out there,
27:54isn't it, Sylvester?
27:55Yes, Chris.
27:56Most of Britain
27:56will be waking up
27:57tomorrow to a carpet
27:58of white dung.
27:59Thanks, mate.
28:00And that's it.
28:01No time left for the headlines.
28:02That's the day today.
28:03Nine o'clock BBC2
28:04tomorrow night
28:05will start again.
28:06Until then,
28:07thanks very much for watching.
28:08It just remains for me
28:09to wish you
28:09a very good night.
28:11Join us again tomorrow night
28:12for a full resume
28:13of the day's events,
28:14the sport,
28:14the business,
28:15the weather
28:15and the very latest changes
28:16in the world of politics.
28:17Same time,
28:18nine o'clock tomorrow evening
28:19on BBC2.
28:21That's the day today
28:22keeping you abreast
28:23of the very latest changes
28:24in local,
28:25national and international news.
28:27Prepare to break
28:28the flow of the programme
28:28if necessary
28:29to accommodate
28:29footage of unfurling events.
28:31Often live packaged
28:32by field reporters
28:33on the hoop.
28:34Those who know
28:35that news is paramount
28:36and only the most recently
28:37hashed news egg
28:38is an important
28:39to have a lot
28:40of the day delay
28:41of the day.
28:42It is the show
28:43I'm going to be
28:44to make the most
28:44of the football matches.