The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:00Who you with?
00:16Okay, ready for the next one.
00:18Who did President John F. Kennedy appoint as Secretary of Defense?
00:22Um, one of his brothers?
00:24No, that was Attorney General.
00:26I'll give you a hint. The beginning of his last name sounds like your uncle's.
00:29Mac.
00:31McNamara. Robert McNamara.
00:34You see that girl, America?
00:36Hard-working. Studious.
00:39Terry's daddy sure is a lucky man.
00:41All the qualities you want in the door.
00:43So that's why I like Nessa being her friend.
00:46I'm hoping some of that goodness will rub off on her.
00:48Helping Nessa stay on the straight and narrow.
00:51She good people.
00:52Hey, Terry, she gonna be something.
00:54After this, wanna go smoke? I've got some clothes.
00:56No, thanks.
00:58Last time I tried, I got sick for six hours straight.
01:01I remember that.
01:04Said she had food poisoning.
01:06Even blamed my fish takes.
01:09I can't believe that doggone Terry.
01:12Smoke him.
01:14If a kid like that happens to no good, I'm in deep.
01:21You know.
01:23Vanessa's a good kid.
01:25Yeah, we thought Terry was too.
01:27Vanessa's not Terry.
01:30I wonder what we know about Vanessa, seriously.
01:32She's so secretive.
01:33Always hanging out in the room and everything.
01:35As far as we know, she could be getting some piercings.
01:38Or having relations.
01:41Vanessa's not getting anything pierced.
01:43I ain't asked you that.
01:45What'd you ask me?
01:46I said maybe she could be doing it.
01:48You think she's having relations?
01:49No, I don't.
01:50Okay, look at you.
01:51Instead of getting yourself all worked up,
01:53why don't you spend some time with her?
01:55See what's going on in her life.
01:57Yeah.
01:58You know, I know how to find things out.
02:00You know, I got a way of making people talk.
02:02No, not like that.
02:03See, you can't go charging at her, okay?
02:05All she's gonna do is just clam up.
02:07Come on, honey.
02:08Be gentle.
02:14And then Jacob threw up and got inside now.
02:17That's a brilliant story, baby girl.
02:19Vanessa, what's going on with you?
02:20Anything you want to talk about?
02:21Today in school we got letters from our Russian pen pals.
02:23Your name Nessa?
02:26Like I was saying, Nessa.
02:27Anything going on? Anything?
02:28No.
02:29Come on, you mean to tell me you in school all day,
02:31there ain't nothing going on?
02:33When I was your age, girl, when I was in school, man,
02:35all the drama, am I right, baby?
02:36Aunt Wanda, can you give me a picture of you?
02:38Or send a picture of his mom.
02:40Sure, sweetie.
02:41How's Terry, Nessa?
02:43Oh, she's fine.
02:44Is she?
02:47Why is she in her underwear?
02:49Because she's Russian, stupid.
02:50I'll take that.
02:52Ooh.
02:53Aunt, may I be excused?
02:55Why so soon?
02:56Nessa, come on.
02:56I thought maybe we'd talk and have Sundays.
02:58I have a test tomorrow.
03:02So, all on, do you know any good men?
03:04Boris writes that his mom's single and willing to relocate.
03:06I'll ask around.
03:09Well, no.
03:10I'll see that letter.
03:14Honey, I thought you meant...
03:16What you doing?
03:17Listen, and that's a conversation.
03:19Baby, they are cruel.
03:21Mr. Conner can't help you got a bad toupee.
03:23I'm on the phone!
03:24Oh, I'm sorry!
03:27Hey, girl, you almost got me caught.
03:31What?
03:33You told me to try to get to know her.
03:34I didn't tell you to spy on her.
03:36Well, I tried to know her way, and she stonewalled me.
03:38She gave me absolutely nothing.
03:39What do you expect?
03:40She's 15.
03:41But she can articulate better than that.
03:43Come on, quit coast-sided for her.
03:44Honey, don't do it like this, okay?
03:47Just be gentle.
03:49Sip your wine.
03:50Damn.
03:51I just want to know she ain't up to no good, America.
03:55She ain't say anything to you, did she?
03:58Huh?
04:01Hey, you guys want to hit City Walk?
04:03My cousin works the counter at Johnny Rockets.
04:05Vanessa?
04:06Uh, I would, but I don't have a ride home.
04:08I'll take you home.
04:10How?
04:11You only have your learner's permit.
04:12What?
04:13You don't think I'll get you home safely?
04:14I bet you I can get home safely.
04:16I'll bet you that, boy.
04:19Why are you here?
04:21Babe, I thought me and you could do something together.
04:24Alone.
04:26Hey, Bernie Mac, what's up?
04:28Come on, let's go.
04:34Oh.
04:35You're gonna look real pretty later on when you start smoking through your throat with that big old hole.
04:39When we try to talk, get that microphone up in there.
04:42You'll see.
04:43What's happening with our kids, America?
04:46Look at that ready-looking boy with the matted hair.
04:48And look at that girl wearing those jeans, showing off all her assets.
04:51And who's that thug pouring on nothing?
04:53These are the kids you hang out with, I'm telling you.
04:56I'm not liking what I'm finding out, America.
04:59I'm not liking it at all.
05:10No way.
05:16Hey, what you doing at my desk?
05:18What were you doing under my mattress?
05:20You watch your tone with me, Nessa.
05:21I can't believe you.
05:23Hey, hey, hey, what's all the fussing about?
05:25He read my diary.
05:26You did that?
05:28Well, if she won't talk to me, I'll find out what she's talking about to herself.
05:32Besides, I'm the one that should be upset.
05:34Look what you're making me do in order to be a good parent.
05:36But you're invading my privacy like it's nothing.
05:39You're 15 years old. You ain't got no privacy.
05:41This is so unfair.
05:43Well, write it down in your diary with all your other thoughts so I can read about it later.
05:47Sorry, Nessa.
05:48Ain't no sorry.
05:49I don't care.
05:50If you ain't with me, baby, you against me.
06:00Slam the door again and see what happened to you.
06:02Just go and slam her.
06:05You should be lucky I care.
06:07Hey, I don't know, man.
06:09Come on, you read her diary.
06:11She's 15, man. How do you expect her to act?
06:13Mutant obedient.
06:14That's what I expect.
06:16Besides, I'm a parent.
06:17I got the right to know what's going on with my kids in my house.
06:20That's my right.
06:21If most parents spend the time and the interest in their kid, where would be a better place?
06:26And Bernie Mac don't lie.
06:27Look, if Vanessa wasn't doing nothing wrong, then that diary wouldn't need no lock, okay?
06:31Whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:31Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:32Hold on, hold on.
06:33You broke the lock?
06:35What?
06:35No, I didn't.
06:36It popped right off.
06:38Come on.
06:38You know, I trust that it popped right off.
06:40Come on, man.
06:41You should do what we did, man.
06:43Get yourself a nanny cam.
06:44You got a nanny cam?
06:46Yeah, man.
06:46Well, you know, the kids were always complaining about the babysitter,
06:48and the babysitter was always complaining about the kids, and then Rosie got worried,
06:51so, you know, we thought we'd see.
06:53What did you find out?
06:54Yeah.
06:55That my kids are animals, man.
06:58Oh, man.
06:59I could have told you that.
06:59You don't need no nanny cam for that.
07:01They wild.
07:02They wild.
07:03Come on, get wild on that.
07:04Yeah, they're my kids.
07:06Oh, you just walked in.
07:09I'll call you back.
07:10Who's that?
07:11No one.
07:12No one got a name?
07:13It was Terry, all right?
07:24What's up, boo?
07:25He gone?
07:26No, he's on the phone.
07:28What's your name, boo?
07:33That girl lying to me right to my face.
07:36Cause unless Terry's up to her carton today, that wasn't her.
07:41She's lying to me about this America?
07:43What else she's lying to me about?
07:45Trying to play me, the Mac man.
07:48Well, guess I got no choice, America.
07:51It's time for me to get my sneak on.
08:00Man, this place is a trip.
08:03Sure I didn't know half this stuff here existed, man.
08:06Oh, no.
08:07If you did, I'd be out of business.
08:09Now, you know right here, there's some bull here.
08:13$30 for a pop.
08:15Lux can be deceiving.
08:17Actually, you put your jewelry in there.
08:19Man, that's nice.
08:20That's real nice.
08:21Next level.
08:23And this here?
08:25What's this?
08:25Oh, that's a recording device.
08:27You kidding?
08:28Mm-hmm.
08:29And this?
08:30That's a mug.
08:32What you bumping, man?
08:34Gin and juice.
08:37Wow, man.
08:38This is nice, man.
08:38What kind of customers you be dealing with, man?
08:40Inspector Gadget?
08:41What's this here?
08:41No, actually, I got customers like yourself, you know,
08:44thinking that their partners be skimming a little off the top,
08:46or perhaps their wives be cheating on them,
08:48or maybe the feds be bugging their pay, you know what I mean?
08:51Look, kid, I don't want to say like no AL-7 or nothing like that,
08:53but you carry a nanny cam?
08:55Look, ain't nothing wrong with protecting all you.
08:57You know what I'm saying?
08:58That's a lot of crazies out there.
08:59But actually, man, my crazy I want to spy on are my kids.
09:04Oh, ho, ho.
09:04I can dig that.
09:05I got some crazies of my own.
09:07Check this out over here.
09:08What's that, man?
09:08I got this little teddy bear.
09:10We called him Tattletail Teddy Bear.
09:13You know what I'm saying?
09:14He even come in the squarely seal, and he's rigged for sound.
09:17What?
09:18Peek-a-boo.
09:24Okay.
09:28All right, let's see what you got.
09:30Those Bernie Mac is bringing his A-game, baby.
09:33Shh.
09:34You don't know who you messing with.
09:41What the?
09:43Something wrong with that boy.
09:55Bernie?
09:59I ain't doing nothing.
10:00I'm watching TV.
10:01I fell asleep a little bit, though.
10:04You here kind of early, baby.
10:06I've been here for a while, actually.
10:07I was talking to Vanessa.
10:09Really?
10:10What's wrong?
10:12You know, she's really upset that you read her diary.
10:15Baby, I don't care nothing about that.
10:17Vanessa's a child.
10:18And as long as she's living on our roof,
10:20we got the right to know what's going on.
10:22Then you need to find another way to reach her.
10:24You know what?
10:24You're absolutely right.
10:25And I'm working on that as we speak.
10:29Really?
10:30Really.
10:32Hmm.
10:33Well, that was easy.
10:34I had a whole speech planned and everything.
10:36Well, no speech necessary, baby.
10:39Well, carry on.
10:47Oh, no.
10:49It's fair, people.
10:50Don't you do it.
10:51Don't do it, boy.
10:52Don't you...
10:55Teddy.
11:06Hey, baby, what else?
11:07Oh, her friends can't buy to go to the mall.
11:09Her friends over here?
11:11Yeah.
11:11At my house?
11:15Let me ask you something, America.
11:17How in the hell are I supposed to keep tabs on that girl
11:20and she won't stand still for the camera?
11:22I mean, sneaking off to the mall
11:24while I'm looking the other way.
11:26See, kids today are devious, crafty, insidious.
11:30Well, guess what, America?
11:32So is Bernie Mac.
11:33This ain't over.
11:35This is far from over, baby.
11:38You wanna play rival?
11:39Well, I'll show you how rival.
11:42Yeah.
11:42Come on.
11:47Did anybody see?
11:49Look, man, just throw it in the water.
11:50I got another customer.
11:52Look, I need another nanny cam.
11:54Quick.
11:54Man, whatever happened to Tattletail Teddy?
11:56He got shot.
11:57What?
11:57Man, listen.
11:58I need something a little bit more conspicuous.
12:01Mm.
12:02Oh, okay.
12:04Try this on.
12:05A smoke detector?
12:06Nah.
12:08That's the eye in the sky, baby.
12:11Oh, man.
12:12That's nice.
12:14But who?
12:15What if they go in another room now?
12:21Give me seven.
12:29Look at her.
12:30That's why she getting so doggone fat.
12:33Look at her.
12:40Yeah, right.
12:43Try to play she busy.
12:50Must be some kind of syndrome or something.
12:52Drex, maybe.
12:56I think I'm letting my worries get the best of me.
12:58I'm putting cameras in all the doggone room.
13:01I'm spying on my own kids.
13:02I feel like Nixon.
13:05I saw my boy change this morning.
13:07Let's feed him.
13:09They look like one of those Ethiopian babies.
13:13Oh, hell no.
13:16Now, hold up.
13:17I know you ain't wearing that.
13:18The hell you think you are?
13:19You ain't no little Kim.
13:21Oh, okay.
13:23Just like that.
13:25You okay?
13:25Yeah, diabolical.
13:27Yeah, and I'm sitting up here almost feeling bad for nothing.
13:30Okay.
13:31Okay.
13:32Yeah.
13:35Hey, hey, hey.
13:35Where y'all going?
13:37I'm gonna drop finesse off at the mall.
13:38Would you like me to get you something while I'm out?
13:40No, I don't need anything.
13:42Hey, hey, hey.
13:42Hold on.
13:43Girl, you gonna burn up in that.
13:44You need to take that off.
13:45Oh, I get cold.
13:47No, no, no, no, no, no.
13:47Why don't you take that off?
13:48Why don't you take it off?
13:49Why?
13:50Because I said take it off.
13:52Burn it.
13:52I told her take it off, baby, and I want it off.
13:55Take it off.
13:59Ooh.
14:00What the?
14:04Were you gonna have me drop you off at the mall dressed like that?
14:06Yeah.
14:07I don't think so.
14:08Room.
14:15It's a brave new world, America.
14:18A brave new world.
14:20I highly recommend it.
14:22Come on.
14:26You know some people made a lie to bring you down and shame your name.
14:40Well, baby, I have good intentions.
14:45You know the breaking hearts just ain't my game.
14:51Breaking hearts ain't my game.
14:53All I want to do is love you.
14:59And sugar, I won't feel you.
15:03Thank you, baby.
15:05That was an excellent dinner.
15:07Don't you want to tell Aunt Wanda how excellent that dinner was?
15:10But guess what?
15:11We're going to cap it off with some delicious chocolate fudge cake.
15:16I want some chocolate fudge cake.
15:18You do?
15:18You're not getting any.
15:20Why not?
15:21Because you're going to spend the rest of your time in your room thinking about how much
15:24you miss these.
15:25My new chucks.
15:26Look at him and say it again.
15:27Oh, my new chucks.
15:29Yeah.
15:30How many times did I tell you about ordering from that ninja catalog?
15:32Why are you confiscating half my arsenal?
15:34And guess what else?
15:35I found your little hiding space.
15:37Yeah.
15:38And I confiscated all the rest of your fireworks.
15:41I even gave a call to Christopher's daddy and let him know where he's getting his fair
15:45share.
15:45Oh, I'm a dead man.
15:47Yeah.
15:48No, no, hold on, baby.
15:50Here, why don't you take a piece of these.
15:52Yum, yum.
15:54Who else want cake?
15:58Yeah.
15:59Can I cookie with my cake?
16:01No, you ain't having no cookies.
16:02How many times did I have to tell you, baby girl?
16:05You ain't getting no more cookies.
16:06You gotta have it.
16:09Yeah.
16:11How do you know this?
16:12Cause I keep a close eye on all of them.
16:14That's right.
16:16Peek-a-boo.
16:17Yeah.
16:22Yeah.
16:22Yeah.
16:23Yeah.
16:24Yes, sir.
16:25Bernie Max put in the brother and big brother.
16:28I should've done this from the moment the kids stepped into our house.
16:31That's what I should've did, y'all.
16:34Look at that.
16:35Look.
16:37Look at her.
16:38If you cut her, she'll bleed better.
16:40He took everything.
16:42All he left is a stupid rope.
16:44You know, I can't stand it.
16:46He's always dipping into my business.
16:48And he won't even let me go out with my friends on Saturday.
16:51He's gonna take us bowling.
16:53Oh, great.
16:54So we can watch him bowling those stupid alligator shoes,
16:57and that stupid silk shirt,
16:59and the tricked out ball that says Bernie Mac on it.
17:02You know, last time, he only bowled in 82.
17:10America, I'm just a beginner.
17:12A beginner!
17:14What's wrong with my gator?
17:15You believe them disrespected me in my own house?
17:19Then look, I can't say anything.
17:21But the next time they do something wrong,
17:23this gets factored in, I'm telling you.
17:25Look, listen to him.
17:26Look at him.
17:27He here.
17:29He here.
17:31Okay.
17:32Hey, I broke a hundred today.
17:34Oh, is that good?
17:35Yeah, for me.
17:36Oh.
17:37Hey, Cheryl.
17:37Hi, Bernie.
17:39So, you went bowling?
17:40No, I've been bungee jumping.
17:42I saw how the kids were right there.
17:43Uh, I don't know.
17:44I've been in here with Cheryl.
17:49Okay.
17:50Okay, honey.
17:51Okay.
17:57Okay.
18:03There he is.
18:05Let's see.
18:09Where the boy go?
18:15Where did he go?
18:17Okay.
18:19Gotcha.
18:21I'm on.
18:21Is Draco flammable?
18:22Uh, I don't know, but hey, you're not gonna find out.
18:25I'm gonna find out.
18:27Oh, the bracelet is gorgeous.
18:30Oh, isn't it?
18:31Bernie's so thoughtful.
18:33And he has terrific taste.
18:35Actually, I've got terrific taste.
18:37You won't believe what he really bought me.
18:42I thought it would grow on me, but a day later, it didn't.
18:46So, voila.
18:47He's not gonna know?
18:48No, he never knows.
18:50I just want to spy on my kids without getting my feelings hurt.
18:56Is that too much to ask?
18:58Good morning.
18:59Good morning.
19:00Good morning, honey.
19:01Mmm, honey.
19:02Those eggs are delicious.
19:03Oh, you just saying that.
19:05Oh, come on now.
19:06Are you still gonna take us bowling on Saturday?
19:08Don't sass me, Jordan.
19:09He didn't sash you.
19:11He just asked if you would take him bowling.
19:12Yeah, and maybe I could use your really cool ball.
19:15And maybe when he gets as good as you, he can get a ball with his name on it.
19:20Oh, that's so cute.
19:21They want to be just like their Uncle Burn.
19:24Oh, hell no!
19:26I'd be damned if I'd let him mock me in my own house.
19:28My own table.
19:30My own face!
19:39You did what?
19:41In every doggone room.
19:43You little Ingress, don't try to plac you so innocent because I know everything.
19:48You've been watching me undress?
19:50Of course not.
19:52Watch no tiny dance over there, though.
19:55Maybe that's awful.
19:57Yeah, just like the bracelet, right, baby?
19:58You spied on me, too?
19:59Not intentionally, but if you think I'm gonna buy you any more jewelry, you must be crazy.
20:10Nobody's talking to me, America, but they're sure talking about me.
20:15I love my family.
20:17I'm just trying to protect them from themselves.
20:20But I don't wanna know everything that goes on in our house no more.
20:24Cause words hurt Bernie Mac just like they do you, America.
20:27Just like they do you.
20:35Can't be no big brother no more.
20:40I don't want to, either.
20:43Ha!
20:43What you see, what you see, is what you get.
20:47It's what you get.
20:49What you see, what you see, is what you get.
20:54It's what you get.
20:55I said what you see, it's what you get.
21:04I didn't say I wasn't going to be a parent.
21:07The fact is, I trust them a whole lot more with me in there.
21:15Yeah.
21:19Now, this is it here.
21:20That's him?
21:21This is it.
21:22Well, let it be yours.
21:24Thanks, man.
21:25Man, you cool.
21:26I like you, man.
21:26You look like Snoop.
21:27You think so?
21:28You look better looking, though.
21:30I get that all the time.
21:31That's you in the house.
21:31Go on, have that.
21:32Come on.
21:33Yes, sir.
21:33That bump me up.
21:34Oh, you want to hit some of that?
21:35Let me squeeze play.
21:36Mm.
21:37Damn, you cheap with it, though.
21:39Mm.
21:44Nice.
21:44Yes, sir.
21:45Real nice.
21:47Mm-hmm.
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