Trevor Noah - Most Viewed Videos of 2019 - video Dailymotion

Shubh Unfiltered

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00:00:00I never thought I'd say this, but Kim Jong-un

00:00:03Up against Donald Trump is a strange situation because you don't know who the crazy person is

00:00:08Kim Jong-un actually released a statement the leader of North Korea. He released a statement saying Donald Trump is

00:00:13a psychopath. I

00:00:15Cannot work with him. Do you know how insane that is?

00:00:18For him to send a message about Donald Trump

00:00:21Where he's just like guys, I'm I'm wild, but I mean I can't I don't I don't know

00:00:26This guy and Donald is crazy people ask me all the time. They go like Trevor. Come on. You're not

00:00:30being serious

00:00:31I meet South Africans. They go that Trevor. Come on, man. Donald can't be that crazy, man

00:00:34Hey, come on. You've got to give him a bit of credit man something guys that guy's crazy

00:00:39Then they'd be like is he like is he like easy that stupid in real life

00:00:43Then you like yeah, there's like so easy like is he stupid like Malima and then then I'm like no

00:00:47guys guys

00:00:48Julius is smart. Don't play those games. I

00:00:55Especially Jacob Zuma people get fooled by him, you know, because he's got that cute vibe

00:01:00Always giggling

00:01:04That guy is a master tactician

00:01:07Look now vote of no confidence survived again. People are shocked. How did he do it?

00:01:13How did he do it if you watch days of our lives? He's the Stefano Demiro of this game

00:01:21Every day he wakes up looking in the mirror going like sends through the hourglass

00:01:26So are the days of our lives

00:01:34And a lot of people make that mistake I've realized a lot of people make that mistake

00:01:38You think our politicians are stupid. Maybe it's because of how they speak

00:01:41Maybe it's because of how they sound, you know Jacob Zuma smart Jacob Zuma was the head of intelligence for

00:01:46the ANC during the struggle

00:01:48Jacob Zuma started the chess team on Robben Island. A lot of people don't know that he started the chess

00:01:53team

00:01:54Yeah, that's why he's so good with moving the cabinet around

00:01:58He's busy yeah Praveen like that because he's a horse

00:02:04Check

00:02:08Like

00:02:09Donald Trump is not like that one thing. I'll say about Jacob Zuma catch him in a corner ask him

00:02:12anything about policy that guy will rattle it off

00:02:15He may not know how to read

00:02:18But he knows what he's talking about Donald Trump has no clue about any policy whatsoever

00:02:25He knows nothing about geopolitics. He knows nothing about his health care every time Donald Trump answers a question

00:02:29You know he doesn't know the answer because he answers it like he's a contestant in one of his own

00:02:33beauty pageants. That's how he answers it

00:02:35Every time you see Donald Trump on TV, you can see he's making it up as he's going along

00:02:38They'd be like Mr.. President

00:02:40Can you tell us about your health care rollout and how pre-existing conditions are gonna be covered? I know

00:02:47We're gonna have so much coverage folks the best coverage all the coverage

00:02:52I'm gonna get it all of it. It's gonna be

00:02:55So good great some people even say the best

00:03:02But but how is it gonna work? It's gonna work. It's just gonna work folks

00:03:06It's gonna work. It's gonna be done. I'm gonna do it

00:03:10it's gonna be done and

00:03:13the people in South Africa and Iraq and the countries and health and insurance and

00:03:19We're gonna do all the things healthy with the money and also thank you

00:03:36Donald Trump is losing his mind saying the craziest things we're gonna build a wall and

00:03:43Mexico's gonna pay for it. I

00:03:47Love how Mexico's like we ain't paying for shit, man

00:03:51We might build your wall, but we ain't paying for it man

00:03:56Stupid

00:03:58No, Trump's just doing his own thing

00:04:01Everything seems to be going wrong for him. Now. He's getting ready to start a war launch a nuclear weapon

00:04:07North Korea

00:04:09They will know

00:04:11fire and fury

00:04:15Fury and fire

00:04:17Fast and furious

00:04:20Tokyo Drift

00:04:23Like no one's ever seen

00:04:28This guy's gonna blow up the world people

00:04:33He's not having a good time

00:04:35So I correct people all the time. I go look man say what you want about Jacob Zuma. He knows

00:04:39his policy

00:04:40Yeah, doesn't mean he's getting things right doesn't mean he's doing the correct things, but he knows his policy

00:04:46You can't say they're the same

00:04:48You know and say what you want about Jacob Zuma, but he knows how to handle his ladies

00:04:55Yeah

00:04:55Yeah, he doesn't have he doesn't have any problems there

00:04:59Donald Trump

00:05:00Walking around in public his wife's making his hand away

00:05:05In public, do you know how embarrassing that was?

00:05:09Donald Trump was there trying to hold Melania's hand

00:05:12He just she just slapped it away. He tried to grab it and she

00:05:16And then the second time and try to grab it and she just did like a little thing

00:05:21And everyone was like are they okay? Are they fighting? I was like yeah, yeah, of course they're fighting they're

00:05:26having a horrible time

00:05:28Completely horrible time and you don't even you don't even need to see the video of the hands to know

00:05:32that they're having a bad time

00:05:33I've had a theory for a long time that Donald Trump and his wife are not in a happy relationship,

00:05:38and I don't want to start any rumors

00:05:39But I I've noticed this, you know, I've noticed it in their speeches

00:05:44Every time Donald Trump or Melania speak it seems like they're throwing shade at each other

00:05:49They're giving a speech, but they're actually talking trash about the spouse

00:05:53Every time all you have to do is listen to the subtext of what they're saying

00:05:57For instance Melania Trump came out

00:05:59She made a speech about her platform as first lady in America every first lady gets to choose what their

00:06:04dream job is going to be

00:06:05What they're going to be doing to help the country Michelle Obama says she's going to help kids get healthy

00:06:09meals and workouts

00:06:10Melania Trump came out and what did she choose she came out no one no one forced her and she

00:06:14was like

00:06:15as first lady I

00:06:18believe we need to fight

00:06:21against the cyber bullying

00:06:24All of the people on the Twitter who are saying the bad things we need to stop them

00:06:30We need to make sure that they cannot carry on what they are doing

00:06:37I was like do you know your husband lady?

00:06:42And now I realized she was doing it on purpose

00:06:45They were having a fight

00:06:46Yeah, she probably got home that night

00:06:50Dropped her keys on the table

00:06:52Donald Trump was sitting in the living room turned on the lights

00:06:57Hi Melania

00:06:59I saw

00:07:01What you said about me on the news it was very not nice

00:07:10Oh Hello Donald I didn't see you sitting over there

00:07:15I thought you were watching the cartoons

00:07:19You know I was watching the news Melania I watch all the news

00:07:24fake news

00:07:27So what are you going to do about it Donald?

00:07:30You want a war you've got a war

00:07:34I'm gonna get you Melania. You're gonna pay. Do your worst Donald

00:07:38Oh, it's on. I'm the best at worst

00:07:45The next day he came out

00:07:47Gave a speech. What did he say?

00:07:50We've got to get rid of all these immigrants folks

00:07:54All these immigrants need to leave this country

00:07:59Your move Melania

00:08:03She went to a woman's conference

00:08:04We need to stop sexual assault

00:08:06The men who are grabbing the ladies without the permission

00:08:10We need to

00:08:11I was like yo you guys need to sort your shit out at home man

00:08:14I remember the worst encounter I had with the TSA was out in Burbank, California

00:08:17Tiny little airport and I was flying out and I was coming to New York, right?

00:08:20And so I'm in Burbank Airport and I go through security and then for some reason I was beeping

00:08:24I don't know why I walk to the metal detector and I beep

00:08:26Go out, beep, go out, beep, go out

00:08:29Every time I have to take something off I got a beep and the agent he's just losing it

00:08:32The whole time he's like take that off, take it off

00:08:34He's like take that off, take it off

00:08:35And I come back and he's like take that off

00:08:37He's getting more and more angry

00:08:38I'm basically naked right now and he's losing it

00:08:40Losing it like I felt like an underperforming stripper

00:08:43It was horrible

00:08:43He's just like take no, just ahhh

00:08:46And finally he's like you know what just get out here, get out here, get out here

00:08:48And so I walk to the side and he's like go ahead and put your hands up, go ahead and

00:08:50put your hands up

00:08:51Put my arms up

00:08:51And he whipped out a little, little metal, personal metal detector

00:08:55Yeah, it looks like a, it looks like a midget sword, right?

00:08:58But they, but they call it the wand, that's what they call it, the wand

00:09:00And so he whips that out, yeah, cause that hundred thousand dollar machine, that's play play

00:09:06Shit just got real

00:09:09And so he looks at me and says go ahead and stick your hands up sir and just keep them

00:09:12right there

00:09:12So I put my arms up and he scans me, he's like

00:09:19You got any, uh

00:09:23You got any metal objects on you?

00:09:29I'm like well

00:09:32Well then what was that for?

00:09:36If you were gonna ask me anyway

00:09:39Then what was this?

00:09:40The four plates for my honesty?

00:09:41What is this?

00:09:42Why are you...

00:09:45And then, as if he can't do this right

00:09:47He calls for backup

00:09:49He goes I'm gonna need you wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

00:09:51Can we get Velazquez to gate, uh, to gate 10 please, Velazquez to gate 10

00:09:54And he calls for a man

00:09:56By the name Velazquez

00:09:59Who I'm assuming was the best wonder that they had

00:10:05Cause he wasn't even on the floor

00:10:07They called for him and Velazquez emerged

00:10:10From the back offices of the TSA

00:10:14And he walked out

00:10:15And the energy

00:10:17Changed

00:10:19People bowed their heads as he walked past

00:10:23Everyone gave him a little nod

00:10:25You could see he was special

00:10:26And he didn't look like it

00:10:27But he didn't look like much

00:10:27You know, Velazquez was a little Mexican man

00:10:30Very long mustache

00:10:31Big chest

00:10:32And he was very short

00:10:33Really, really short guy

00:10:34But he didn't feel short

00:10:36Like he looked short

00:10:37But he didn't feel short

00:10:39Do you know what I mean?

00:10:39Like he had this thing

00:10:40You know those short people that are so confident

00:10:42It looks like they just chose to grow low

00:10:47He had that energy

00:10:50And so Velazquez walks down

00:10:53Towards where I'm standing with my agents

00:10:58My guy tries to apologize

00:10:59He says

00:10:59I don't know what's going on

00:11:00I silenced him with one move of his hand

00:11:02He's like

00:11:02Oh, I go

00:11:05He stepped up

00:11:06He looked me in the eye

00:11:07And he's like

00:11:07Sir, you go to Stanford

00:11:10Okay, don't touch nothing on the movie

00:11:11Okay?

00:11:12None of that

00:11:13And I didn't know what he was saying

00:11:17But I knew what he meant

00:11:19And so I stood there

00:11:21I raised my arms

00:11:24And as I did

00:11:25He whipped out his wand

00:11:28And he started using it all over me

00:11:30And as soon as he did

00:11:31I knew why he was who he was

00:11:34It was the most magical thing

00:11:36I've ever come across in my life

00:11:37The way he wielded that wand

00:11:40Was unlike anything I've ever experienced

00:11:42I felt like I was being blessed

00:11:43I just stood there with my head down

00:11:44As he went all over me

00:11:46Just blessing me with his power

00:11:48It was something special

00:11:50It was

00:11:50It was like a force

00:11:51An energy

00:11:52Like on the outside

00:11:53You still heard that beeping

00:11:54It was like

00:11:55But in my head

00:11:56I heard a lightsaber

00:11:57That's what I heard

00:12:04Because he was

00:12:06He was to me

00:12:08A little Mexican Jedi

00:12:12In fact, that's exactly what he was

00:12:15Was my Mexican Jedi

00:12:19Which by the way

00:12:20I feel would be a welcome addition

00:12:22To the Star Wars franchise

00:12:25Yeah, yeah

00:12:25No, I'm a big fan

00:12:27I'm a huge fan of Star Wars

00:12:28I love Star Wars

00:12:28I was super excited

00:12:29When I found out they'd be making another one

00:12:31I was losing my mind

00:12:32I went back

00:12:32Watched all the movies

00:12:33Then I came to realize

00:12:34That there's

00:12:35There's no Mexican Jedi

00:12:36Not even one

00:12:37There's no Mexican Jedi

00:12:39Which is weird

00:12:41Because when you look at it

00:12:42Technically speaking

00:12:43Technically speaking

00:12:44Star Wars is a vision of America

00:12:47In a distant future

00:12:51So

00:12:54Surely it would be safe to say

00:12:56Judging by the current trajectory

00:12:59Of Mexican people in America

00:13:01I'm sure it would be safe to say

00:13:02That by that time

00:13:04In a galaxy far, far away

00:13:06There would be at least one

00:13:08Just one Mexican Jedi

00:13:10It's not even like it would spoil the story

00:13:12Who knows

00:13:12It might open up a whole new avenue

00:13:14Can you imagine how different

00:13:15That epic scene between Luke and Darth

00:13:17Could have been?

00:13:18Them battling it out on the Death Star

00:13:21The moment of realization

00:13:31What do you want, you evil man?

00:13:35Luke

00:13:37What do you want from me?

00:13:41No

00:13:42Luke, man

00:13:44Luke

00:13:55Luke

00:13:56It's your father, man

00:14:00But the pilots, the pilots are calm

00:14:02They cool, you know

00:14:03You get into the air

00:14:04They start making useless announcements

00:14:06That you don't even care about

00:14:07You know

00:14:07Just to give you that feeling

00:14:08That he knows what he's doing

00:14:09You get up there

00:14:10As the seatbelt lights go

00:14:11Boom

00:14:12Ladies and gentlemen

00:14:13As you may have noticed

00:14:14We've reached our cruising altitude

00:14:16Currently sitting at 23,000 feet

00:14:18Above sea level

00:14:20Cruising at about 720 km an hour

00:14:22In the Boeing 737

00:14:23One of our favorite planes

00:14:24In the Star Flight Alliance

00:14:25Cree Fleet

00:14:27It's a beautiful sunny day up here

00:14:29We might encounter a few bumps

00:14:30But nothing too hectic

00:14:32The cabin crew will be taking care of you

00:14:33In the front we've got Esmeralda

00:14:35And Jonathan

00:14:35In the rear

00:14:36Simon

00:14:38Dipitzeng

00:14:38And Ferrer

00:14:39I'll be taking care of you

00:14:41And if you need anything

00:14:42Don't hesitate to call

00:14:43I'll let you know

00:14:44Once we've begun our descent

00:14:45Until then, please

00:14:46Enjoy your flight

00:14:47Thank you

00:14:48You're like, oh yeah

00:14:49Pilot

00:14:52My guy

00:14:53My guy

00:14:53Pilot

00:14:54Pilot

00:14:55It's cool

00:14:56I just don't like the fact

00:14:57That they never let you know

00:14:58When something's gone wrong

00:15:00It freaks me out

00:15:01Because they trained

00:15:01To keep you calm

00:15:02No matter what's going on

00:15:04And I noticed this

00:15:04Because we hit turbulence

00:15:05Coming into Joe

00:15:06Where there were hectic storms

00:15:07And the plane started shaking

00:15:09And it would

00:15:09And you know

00:15:10It wasn't like the calm turbulence

00:15:11You know it was that turbulence

00:15:11Where people

00:15:12You know knuckles get white

00:15:13When they're holding their

00:15:14You know

00:15:14Because you know

00:15:15People try and act natural

00:15:16In the plane

00:15:16And then they get to a point

00:15:19Where they're like

00:15:24You know when that point comes

00:15:26And like everyone is panicking

00:15:27Except the air hostesses

00:15:28They're amazing

00:15:29I love how they do it

00:15:30You know

00:15:30Like you'll hit the turbulence

00:15:31And be like

00:15:33Things are falling

00:15:33The bags are hitting

00:15:34The sides of the compartments

00:15:36People are panicking

00:15:37Except they always

00:15:38They just move through naturally

00:15:39It's freaky

00:15:40It's almost like the lower half

00:15:41Is not connected to the upper body

00:15:43Because they'll just carry on

00:15:44They'll be like

00:15:44Yes, yes

00:15:45You guys

00:15:46Hmm

00:15:47Would you guys like some coffee?

00:15:49Yeah

00:15:50Okay

00:15:50There you go

00:15:51Be careful it's hot

00:15:52Thank you

00:15:53Anything for you sir?

00:15:55Hmm

00:15:55Yeah

00:15:56Okay

00:15:57Okay then

00:15:58Just pass me an apple juice

00:16:00Alright, thank you very much

00:16:01There you go

00:16:01Would you like some ice?

00:16:02Nice

00:16:02Thank you

00:16:04You know how they do it

00:16:09And then the pilot has the nerve to come on

00:16:11In the middle of the biggest storm ever

00:16:12The plane is shaking

00:16:13The wings are tilting slightly upwards

00:16:15You think you're gonna die

00:16:16It's like

00:16:17People are screaming

00:16:22Ladies and gentlemen

00:16:23We've encountered some

00:16:25Slight turbulence

00:16:27We'll ask that everyone return to their seats at this point

00:16:30And refrain from using the lavatories

00:16:32Please note we will be flying at a higher altitude

00:16:34To try and alleviate the problem

00:16:36Also keep your seatbelts fastened

00:16:38And no hot drinks will be served at this time for your safety

00:16:41Thank you very much

00:16:42And I'll speak to you in a moment

00:16:43Once we've gotten out of this bumpy patch

00:16:45Speak to you in a moment

00:16:47That moment might never come

00:16:51He doesn't tell you this

00:16:53When the nationwide flight lost an engine

00:16:55The pilot said nothing

00:16:57It just fell

00:16:59Quiet

00:17:02I don't want a pilot like that

00:17:03I want someone who lets me know

00:17:04I want to know before I'm gonna die

00:17:06I want to know

00:17:06I want to say a prayer or two

00:17:07I want to prepare myself

00:17:08You know?

00:17:09I want to forgive everyone that I hate in the world

00:17:11Give me a chance

00:17:12Give me a chance

00:17:13But they don't pilots

00:17:14No they don't

00:17:14I bet people who die in plane crashes

00:17:15Don't even know they've died

00:17:16Must be the worst feeling in the world

00:17:19There's like a whole bunch of confused people

00:17:20Popping into heaven like

00:17:22I swear these airports change all the time

00:17:26I never know where to go

00:17:27I never

00:17:28I'm like are we

00:17:29Oh no

00:17:30Are we in heaven?

00:17:31Oh wow

00:17:32I can't believe we made it

00:17:33Hey?

00:17:34I can't believe

00:17:35Wow this is amazing

00:17:36And there's Saint Peter at the gates

00:17:37And he's like

00:17:38Come forward please

00:17:38Come forward

00:17:40Come forward

00:17:40She's like

00:17:41Here you are

00:17:42I'm Saint Peter

00:17:43How about you?

00:17:44Yeah I know

00:17:45Many many people are shocked

00:17:46Just come

00:17:47I get that all the time

00:17:48Just come

00:17:49Just come

00:17:50Just come

00:17:50I just thought that

00:17:52Nah don't

00:17:52Don't worry

00:17:53Just come please

00:17:54Just wait till you see Jesus

00:17:55Come

00:17:56Come

00:18:02I don't want that

00:18:03I want someone to let me know when I'm gonna die

00:18:05Like taxi drivers

00:18:06There's no person who dies in a taxi

00:18:08Not knowing that they've died

00:18:10Just before the crash

00:18:11Taxi driver will be like

00:18:11Yo

00:18:12No

00:18:12Ah

00:18:14People walking into heaven like

00:18:15Yo dead

00:18:15Dead

00:18:16Dead

00:18:17Dead

00:18:18Ah no

00:18:19We're dead

00:18:20Gone

00:18:21Gone

00:18:21They know

00:18:25Sometimes they survive the crash

00:18:26But they still think they're dead

00:18:27Walking on the pavement

00:18:27Dead

00:18:28Dead

00:18:30Dead

00:18:31Dead

00:18:59Oh

00:19:00They realize that you're back

00:19:00Like South Africa once again

00:19:02The world went there

00:19:02Then we were like

00:19:03No, no

00:19:04Go ahead

00:19:05I will find

00:19:06Just that side

00:19:08Cause all over the world

00:19:09They conform to a norm

00:19:10And that is in airports

00:19:12Women make announcements

00:19:13It's always a woman

00:19:14It's always a woman

00:19:15And she's always calm

00:19:17Always monotone

00:19:18Always come over that system

00:19:19She sits in a room quietly

00:19:20They bring her the pages one by one

00:19:22You can be in Heathrow for instance

00:19:23You'll hear that woman come on the system

00:19:25Doom Doom

00:19:26Attention all passengers

00:19:29Please note this is an airport announcement

00:19:31No passengers are permitted to leave any items unattended

00:19:36As this may be seen as a security risk

00:19:39Any unattended luggage will be removed by security and destroyed

00:19:44Thank you

00:19:45Doom Doom

00:19:47Everywhere in the world

00:19:48Even if you go to like non-English speaking countries

00:19:50They still conform to that norm

00:19:51You know you go to places like China

00:19:53Where you wouldn't expect it, you know

00:19:54You think

00:19:55And I see some of you probably think

00:19:56They'll be like

00:19:56No, don't even laugh

00:19:59That's racist

00:19:59Don't even laugh

00:20:01Don't

00:20:02No, that's racist

00:20:03You don't even laugh

00:20:06But they're not

00:20:07They're calm

00:20:08It's a woman

00:20:09Still the same

00:20:10She's just another language

00:20:11She'll come on the P and be like

00:20:12Doom Doom

00:20:25And you know

00:20:27You know they've conformed

00:20:30And then you land in South Africa

00:20:34And you know you've landed

00:20:35You know

00:20:36You know that you're back home

00:20:37When you walk into the airport terminal building

00:20:43You walk in

00:20:44And I don't even know if they audition the people who do it

00:20:46No, no, no

00:20:47It's almost like whoever's closest to the mic gets to do it first, you know

00:20:53It's the craziest thing

00:20:55Luckily 99% of the time it's a woman

00:20:57But she'll come on

00:20:57It's the craziest thing ever

00:20:58As you walk in

00:20:59She'll come and be like

00:20:59Doom Doom

00:21:01Attention all presenters

00:21:06Attention all presenters

00:21:09Hello

00:21:10Hello

00:21:11I'm talking to you

00:21:11Hello

00:21:13Yeah, all the people at Slankula.com

00:21:15The plan is delayed

00:21:16The plan is going on two

00:21:18It's going on three

00:21:19Yeah

00:21:20All the people must just take a ticket for that one

00:21:21It's going to have a problem, eh?

00:21:22Just check on that

00:21:23If your ticket says two

00:21:24Then it's going to be three, eh?

00:21:26That you mustn't complain

00:21:26When the plane is not there

00:21:27Because then

00:21:28I need to tell you now

00:21:29That you must just phone the people there

00:21:30They're coming to pick you up

00:21:31And I tell them

00:21:32Yo, I need to my plane

00:21:33It's changed

00:21:33It's stuck

00:21:34And then they start speaking to people in the background

00:21:35They don't even turn off their mic

00:21:36All the

00:21:37Just tell the people there

00:21:38I'm talking to you

00:21:40I'm talking to you

00:21:42I'm talking to you

00:21:43I'm talking to you

00:21:45I'm talking to you

00:21:46I'm talking to you

00:21:47I'm talking to you

00:21:50I'm talking to you

00:21:52I'm talking to you

00:21:53Do you feel like you're running?

00:21:55I do not stop

00:21:56I know

00:21:58Okay

00:21:59Ok

00:22:00All the people cima one time

00:22:02The heat has changed

00:22:05It's not T2

00:22:06It's C15

00:22:08It's not D2, it's C15.

00:22:12If you can go to D2, oh, you can find nothing.

00:22:16Okay, bye-bye.

00:22:18I love coming home.

00:22:24I get to see the stories from a different angle.

00:22:26I get to enjoy it all.

00:22:28I'm so happy to be back.

00:22:30But everything has flipped on its head.

00:22:32Two years.

00:22:33You know, guys, going away for two years is not a long time.

00:22:34And you come back to South Africa and everything has flipped on its head.

00:22:39I went away for two years.

00:22:41I come back and white people are on strike.

00:22:48I thought it was a Leon Schuster sketch.

00:22:52In the streets, white people marching.

00:22:55And immediately you're like, these people have no experience.

00:23:02No experience whatsoever.

00:23:04And white people, I'm not trying to minimize your pain in any way,

00:23:07but I'm just going to say, when watching it on the news,

00:23:09it doesn't have the same gravity of the march of black people

00:23:13and colored people and Indian people in South Africa.

00:23:16Because when people of color in South Africa march,

00:23:18you can see they want service delivery.

00:23:20When white people march, it looks like you're fighting for vitality points.

00:23:30It's just not the same.

00:23:37And then I saw white people got offended

00:23:40because they said, we're going to launch a march.

00:23:44Zuma must go.

00:23:45Zuma must fall.

00:23:46We want him gone.

00:23:48And then black people didn't join.

00:23:50And white people are like, why don't they join?

00:23:52Why won't they join us?

00:23:53Yo, why won't they join?

00:23:54Because it's racism.

00:23:55We're marching for this country

00:23:56and they don't want to march with us

00:23:57because it's racism.

00:23:58That's why they don't want to join us.

00:23:59No, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

00:24:02Black people are not joining your march.

00:24:04It's not because of racism.

00:24:05It's because of rhythm.

00:24:12I saw white people protesting

00:24:14and I was like, even if I was on your side,

00:24:17I cannot participate in that.

00:24:24The best white marches South Africa had

00:24:28were three old white ladies

00:24:33who had the worst struggle song

00:24:35I've ever heard in my life.

00:24:38Sounded like a lullaby converted

00:24:40into a struggle anthem.

00:24:43Zuma must go.

00:24:44Zuma must go.

00:24:46Zuma must go.

00:24:48Zuma must go.

00:24:50Zuma must go.

00:24:51Zuma must go.

00:24:55Yo, I can't march to that, guys.

00:24:58I don't even know where to begin.

00:25:02You realize a march is all about rhythm, right?

00:25:0510% of every march is the issue.

00:25:0890% is the beat.

00:25:11When black people march,

00:25:12you need to encourage others to join.

00:25:15Along the way, you need to pick up stragglers.

00:25:18Just some people who get into the rhythm

00:25:20as you move past.

00:25:22Some guys are just there

00:25:23as you walk past.

00:25:35Ah, people are joining.

00:25:38People are joining.

00:25:41It's got power.

00:25:45You realize black people are marching

00:25:47from Soweto to Pretoria.

00:25:49You need a march that will move you.

00:25:51Every stride has purpose in it.

00:26:04Moving.

00:26:06Zuma must go.

00:26:07Zuma must go.

00:26:08Zuma must go.

00:26:12Zuma must go.

00:26:14Zuma must go.

00:26:15Zuma must go.

00:26:18Guys, we're not even getting

00:26:19to Craig Hall like that.

00:26:23Asfigi.

00:26:26Matching with that song to Pretoria,

00:26:27by the time we get there,

00:26:28Zuma left by himself.

00:26:32He's chilling there

00:26:32in his house in Dubai.

00:26:35Laughing.

00:26:36He, he, he, he, he.

00:26:39Did they only arrive

00:26:42just now?

00:26:49I was watching white people

00:26:50going, but why?

00:26:51Why are you marching?

00:26:52What are you guys doing?

00:26:53Now you want to do the hard work.

00:26:55Just pay someone like usual.

00:26:58Laughing.

00:27:00This is when you should be paying.

00:27:03Just get a professional,

00:27:04a specialist.

00:27:06Just be there.

00:27:07Johannes,

00:27:08I have a lot of grabs

00:27:09with this country

00:27:09and I've noticed

00:27:11that you have impeccable rhythm

00:27:13and so I'd like to hire

00:27:14your services.

00:27:15I've got you.

00:27:16What's your feeling?

00:27:17I just want them to know

00:27:18that Zuma must go.

00:27:20Okay, got it.

00:27:21Go, go.

00:27:22I'm a Zuma.

00:27:23Oh, yeah, I'm a host, host, host.

00:27:25That's what I wanted to do.

00:27:29Hire a specialist, people.

00:27:31Get it done.

00:27:36This song will get you nowhere.

00:27:41It's a frustrating time though, man.

00:27:45Guptas came and shook South Africa up.

00:27:48Turned things upside down.

00:27:50Made us question who we are as a people.

00:27:53I've been away for two years.

00:27:55I came back and I'll tell you now

00:27:56the racial tension is palpable.

00:27:57You can feel it.

00:27:59You can feel it.

00:28:00All of a sudden,

00:28:00everyone looking at each other

00:28:01in a different light.

00:28:02You're like, damn,

00:28:03McKinsey did a good job.

00:28:05Because don't get me wrong,

00:28:06South Africa wasn't perfect,

00:28:07but it wasn't like this.

00:28:09You know, 2010 had us

00:28:10in a different feeling.

00:28:12We had a rhythm.

00:28:13We had a plan.

00:28:16And then all of a sudden,

00:28:17it fell apart.

00:28:17Now we're looking at each other

00:28:18with shifty eyes.

00:28:21Separated.

00:28:23The Guptas did a good job.

00:28:25People are angry

00:28:26and I understand why, you know.

00:28:27But sometimes I think

00:28:28people's anger gets out of hand, you know.

00:28:31Like I saw people fighting

00:28:33because the Guptas had a wedding

00:28:35at Sun City.

00:28:37And at that wedding,

00:28:38they only hired white people

00:28:39to serve them.

00:28:41And people were like,

00:28:42they're racist.

00:28:43They're racist.

00:28:44Okay, maybe.

00:28:45Maybe they're racist.

00:28:46Or maybe the Guptas are doing

00:28:51what every black person dreams of doing

00:28:53when they get enough money.

00:29:01And that is hiring white people

00:29:02to work for you.

00:29:06Which black man in this audience

00:29:07can't say he doesn't remember

00:29:08the first time he went to a restaurant

00:29:11and he was sitting there.

00:29:12Some white guy came up to the table.

00:29:14Good afternoon, gentlemen.

00:29:16Can I help you with anything?

00:29:17Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:29:17We're just waiting for the waiter.

00:29:19You can send him over.

00:29:21No, no, gents.

00:29:23My name's Johnny.

00:29:23I'm going to be serving you guys today.

00:29:25Oh, you're the waiter?

00:29:28You're the guy serving us?

00:29:30That's correct, Axe.

00:29:31Oh, wow.

00:29:32Look at that.

00:29:35Well, in that case, Johnny,

00:29:39let's start with the specials menu, please.

00:29:42Just a little off.

00:29:43A little off.

00:29:45All right, guys.

00:29:45We've got a carpaccio on the menu.

00:29:47Really fantastic.

00:29:47We've also got a seafood salad

00:29:49that's really impeccable.

00:29:50On the dessert side,

00:29:52the chef is doing something different

00:29:52than the creme brulee.

00:29:54And then our special line fish of the day

00:29:55is going to be a hake,

00:29:56lightly grilled.

00:29:57Okay, thank you very much.

00:29:58Just give us a moment to chat about it

00:29:59and we'll see.

00:30:00See you in a bit.

00:30:00Johnny.

00:30:01All right, thank you very much, guys.

00:30:03Hey, can you believe it?

00:30:04Yeah?

00:30:06Can you believe it?

00:30:07On my back and call.

00:30:08Watch this.

00:30:08Johnny, Johnny.

00:30:10Johnny.

00:30:11Johnny.

00:30:12Yo, yo, what's going on, guys?

00:30:14Nothing.

00:30:15Carry on.

00:30:16Carry on.

00:30:17This is power.

00:30:21And it was a Sunday morning.

00:30:23I was in bed.

00:30:24Still asleep.

00:30:25It was early, early in the morning.

00:30:26Maybe like 9 or 10 o'clock.

00:30:32And the phone rings.

00:30:34And it's my baby brother using my mom's phone.

00:30:36His name's Isaac.

00:30:37He's nine years old.

00:30:38So I answer the phone.

00:30:39Hello?

00:30:40Hello.

00:30:41Hello, Trevor?

00:30:42Say, hey, Isaac.

00:30:43What do you want?

00:30:45How are you?

00:30:48I'm fine, thanks.

00:30:50I'm also fine, thank you.

00:30:52I'm fine, thanks.

00:30:53And how are you, Isaac?

00:30:53I'm fine, thanks.

00:30:54And how are you?

00:30:56I'm fine, thank you.

00:30:57It's a pleasure.

00:30:59Yeah.

00:31:00And Trevor?

00:31:01Are you busy?

00:31:03Yeah, sort of.

00:31:04Sort of.

00:31:05Why?

00:31:05No, because mom's been shot.

00:31:09I'm sorry, what?

00:31:10Yeah, mom's been shot and we're at the hospital.

00:31:11Can you come?

00:31:13Mom's been shot?

00:31:14Okay, what do you mean?

00:31:15Okay, yeah, of course I can come.

00:31:16Okay, which hospital?

00:31:17Tell me that.

00:31:17And he tells me the hospital.

00:31:18I dropped off.

00:31:18Okay, can you come?

00:31:19Like, he's too polite for his own good.

00:31:21He's too, like, can you come?

00:31:24Like, what, I'm going to have to slot shot mom into my schedule?

00:31:26Just fine.

00:31:27Oh, coffee at two and then ish.

00:31:29PlayStation at one.

00:31:30Okay, mom, we'll try.

00:31:32Come on, can I come?

00:31:33Of course I can come.

00:31:33I'm panicking.

00:31:34I jump out of bed.

00:31:35I'm running around.

00:31:36I'm trying to put my clothes on.

00:31:37Some things are backwards.

00:31:38I don't even notice.

00:31:39I don't even care.

00:31:40Grab the car keys, but I'm looking for the car keys.

00:31:42I'm running around there, losing my mind.

00:31:44I jump into the car, into the streets.

00:31:46As soon as I get out the gate, the tears start coming out.

00:31:48You can't even control it.

00:31:49You're just there driving.

00:31:49All of a sudden, it's just...

00:31:57I'm driving.

00:31:58I'm trying to hold it back.

00:31:59I'm trying to hold it.

00:31:59But then I get to the traffic lights, the robot is red, and I just let it out.

00:32:02It just comes out.

00:32:09No, no, don't watch my window.

00:32:10No, no.

00:32:11Ha, ha, ha.

00:32:12Ha, ha, hey.

00:32:14Ha, ha.

00:32:15No, hey, no.

00:32:17Ha, ha.

00:32:18No, no, uh-uh.

00:32:24And there I am, driving to the hospital like a madman.

00:32:27I get there, jump out the car.

00:32:28My brother's standing there at the emergency section.

00:32:31I see him outside.

00:32:31He's just standing like nothing happened.

00:32:33Looking around.

00:32:33I go, Isaac, Isaac, what happened?

00:32:35He's like, Mom, she's coming shut.

00:32:36She's inside.

00:32:37So I'm like, okay, are you okay?

00:32:38He's like, Mom, I'm shut.

00:32:39Not me.

00:32:40No, that's not what I'm saying, you idiot.

00:32:42Whatever, I'm coming back.

00:32:43So I run inside.

00:32:44My mom's in the prep area.

00:32:45All the doctors are standing around her.

00:32:47There's blood everywhere.

00:32:48I'm looking at the doctors.

00:32:48And just by the way, doctors are not as good looking as they are on those TV shows, eh?

00:32:52No, like they set the bar really high.

00:32:54Because I was shocked.

00:32:55I ran.

00:32:55I was like, what the hell?

00:32:56Whoa.

00:32:58Sorry.

00:32:59Sorry.

00:32:59That was inappropriate.

00:33:00What's happening here, guys?

00:33:00They're like, sir, you need to leave.

00:33:01I said I was sorry.

00:33:02Come on.

00:33:03That's just what's happening.

00:33:03Like, no, sir, you can't be here.

00:33:05Please leave.

00:33:05Please.

00:33:05I'm like, whatever.

00:33:06Okay, okay, okay.

00:33:06So I go outside.

00:33:07The nurse comes to me.

00:33:08She's like, Mr. Noah?

00:33:09I said, yes, yes.

00:33:10Okay, Mr. Noah, we've got your wife stabilized right now.

00:33:12And I said, my wife?

00:33:14Yes, that's Mrs. Noah, right?

00:33:15Yes, yes.

00:33:16That's my mom.

00:33:16Oh, I'm sorry.

00:33:17I thought, why would you think she's...

00:33:18Come on.

00:33:19Hold on.

00:33:21You think I would...

00:33:21I mean, she's cool, but I mean, like, have you seen the girls?

00:33:23I should show you the pictures.

00:33:24Oh, I'll show you the pictures afterwards.

00:33:25What's going on?

00:33:26She's like, okay, Mr. Noah, your mom's just been stabilized.

00:33:29And we're going to have to start thinking about surgery.

00:33:31She's been shot in the head.

00:33:36I'm like, yes, it is.

00:33:36Okay, so what's happening?

00:33:37Well, we just found out that she doesn't have medical aid.

00:33:40I said, what?

00:33:41She said, yeah, she doesn't have medical aid.

00:33:42Now, my mom always had medical aid.

00:33:43Always.

00:33:44But now, it turns out she canceled it a few years ago.

00:33:46I didn't know this.

00:33:47She canceled it because you never get sick.

00:33:49You know those people?

00:33:50I just never get sick.

00:33:51I never get sick, Trevor.

00:33:52I never, ever, ever get sick.

00:33:53I don't know why I have this.

00:33:53I never get sick.

00:33:54Yes, but you didn't think of?

00:33:56Bullets.

00:34:02Now she's in the hospital.

00:34:03No medical aid.

00:34:04So I said to the nurse, well, what does this mean?

00:34:05She says, well, Mr. No, it means we're going to have to put her back in the ambulance

00:34:08and send her to a public hospital.

00:34:10I said, but she's bleeding now.

00:34:12You can't sit.

00:34:12She says, I'm sorry.

00:34:13So that's all we can do.

00:34:13She has to go to a public hospital.

00:34:15Now I'm panicking.

00:34:16I'm in a public hospital.

00:34:17Normally a good place to go.

00:34:19Normally, you know.

00:34:19But now what's happening is there's just misadministration of funds.

00:34:23Like money's going missing.

00:34:24You don't know what's happening.

00:34:26They don't have the right equipment.

00:34:27Now I'm picturing guys trying to fix my mom.

00:34:29There's the doctor.

00:34:30Give me a scalpel.

00:34:31We got a spanner.

00:34:33Okay, bring it.

00:34:34At least there's a shifting.

00:34:35Okay, let's try something.

00:34:37I'm stressed.

00:34:39So I said, well, what do we do without medical aid?

00:34:41She says, well, there's nothing, sir.

00:34:42I said, well, what if I give you the money?

00:34:43She says, well, you don't know how much it'll cost, sir.

00:34:45You can't, unless you give us your card.

00:34:46And then we just work from there.

00:34:48So we'll take my card.

00:34:48Here's my credit card.

00:34:49She goes, sir, it can get very expensive.

00:34:51I said, this is my mom.

00:34:52This is my mom.

00:34:53Use the money.

00:34:53Go.

00:34:54She goes.

00:34:55You're going to tell me it's expensive.

00:34:56This is my mother we're talking about, you know?

00:34:58I realized through all of this, I've just neglected my brother.

00:35:01He's been standing there the whole time with his big eyes.

00:35:05So I'm like, hey, hey, Isaac.

00:35:06Hey, hey, Isaac.

00:35:07What's on your mind, man?

00:35:08Are you okay, big boy?

00:35:09Like, Trevor?

00:35:11Yes.

00:35:13Can I come to your house and play PlayStation later today?

00:35:17How are you going to ask me about PlayStation?

00:35:18Your mom has just been shot.

00:35:19You can't be asking me about what the hell is wrong with you,

00:35:20you stupid child.

00:35:21You know what?

00:35:21You're never going to play PlayStation ever again, ever.

00:35:23No PlayStation for you ever in your life, ever.

00:35:25Go away.

00:35:25Go sit down and think about what you just, PlayStation,

00:35:27you're going to ask me.

00:35:27How the hell is going to ask me about PlayStation?

00:35:29The nurse comes back.

00:35:29She goes, okay, Mr. Noah, we just used 900 Rand for some blood.

00:35:32I'm like, okay, why are you telling me this?

00:35:34Yeah, because it's 900.

00:35:34This is my mom.

00:35:35Use the money.

00:35:36Go.

00:35:36She goes away.

00:35:37I'm like, 900 Rand.

00:35:38How are you going to tell me about 900?

00:35:38She comes back again.

00:35:39She's like, Mr. Noah, we need 2,000 Rand for some x-rays.

00:35:41This is my mom, not a pair of jeans.

00:35:43Use the money.

00:35:44Go.

00:35:44She goes away.

00:35:45I'm like, my mom's going to die.

00:35:46Asking me questions here.

00:35:47Busy asking me.

00:35:47My mom's going to die.

00:35:48My mom's going to die.

00:35:49That's what I'm saying.

00:35:49And I say it.

00:35:50My brother hears me.

00:35:51He starts crying.

00:35:57I'm like, Isaac, I'm sorry.

00:35:58I'm sorry.

00:35:59Are you okay?

00:36:00I'm not okay.

00:36:02You said I'm never going to play PlayStation ever in my life.

00:36:06And I want to play Need for Speed and now I can't play PlayStation.

00:36:09I'm like, you're still crying about PlayStation.

00:36:10You have no right to cry.

00:36:11You hear me?

00:36:12You shut up.

00:36:12Stop crying.

00:36:13You can't cry about this.

00:36:14You shut up.

00:36:15Now, some woman comes out.

00:36:16She knows my mom's been shot.

00:36:17Now, she thinks I'm telling my brother not to cry about my mom.

00:36:19She just gets involved.

00:36:20She's like, hey, you let him cry, okay?

00:36:21You let him cry.

00:36:22Some people express their pain in different ways.

00:36:24You let him cry.

00:36:25I'm like, I will not let him cry, lady.

00:36:27I will not let him cry.

00:36:27Many kids grow up without one, okay?

00:36:29This is not even, it's fine.

00:36:31Like, you should go play in the park or something.

00:36:33It's not a time to cry right now.

00:36:34What the hell?

00:36:34You spoil your kids.

00:36:35That's your problem.

00:36:36You should take it away from them so that they can learn about life.

00:36:38You and you, you both shut up.

00:36:40All of you, shut up.

00:36:41I'm telling them this.

00:36:41The nurse comes back.

00:36:42She goes, Mr. Nell, we're ready for surgery.

00:36:44I'm like, so do the surgery.

00:36:44She says, yeah, but sir, this could get very expensive.

00:36:46ICU and surgery is very expensive.

00:36:47I'm like, lady, what is expensive?

00:36:49This is my mother.

00:36:50She says, so well, anywhere from like 20,000, 20,000 rand.

00:36:52This is my mom, all the way to like 500,000 rand.

00:37:07Yo, but she's lived, eh?

00:37:11I mean, she's like, what, 56, 57?

00:37:16I mean, it's almost finished.

00:37:18I mean, you know?

00:37:19Even she says she's old.

00:37:20I mean, you know?

00:37:22You said the bullet's in the head, and I'm in the head.

00:37:24It's finished.

00:37:26Yeah, because now that might, we need to pay for the funeral,

00:37:29and we need to buy scones for everybody.

00:37:33This guy needs a PlayStation, you know?

00:37:36So, I mean, I don't know.

00:37:38She's like, sir, we need to go ahead.

00:37:40Otherwise, we can't do anything.

00:37:41I said, okay, well, you know, use the card.

00:37:43Just use the card.

00:37:44We'll handle the debts.

00:37:46She goes away.

00:37:47I'm stressed.

00:37:48Because I've seen this happen to people.

00:37:50Go into a hospital.

00:37:51You don't have enough money.

00:37:52Use your credit card.

00:37:53Next thing, you're in debt for years.

00:37:55And the person could die.

00:37:56Yeah, the person dies.

00:37:57And when they die, the doctor doesn't give you your money back.

00:38:00No.

00:38:00No, he doesn't.

00:38:01Yeah, because he tried, and that's all he has to do.

00:38:03You'll get them.

00:38:04Be like, doctor, doctor, did you win?

00:38:05Be like, wah, wah.

00:38:10And your money's gone.

00:38:13That's all I was stressed about.

00:38:15But the most amazing thing happened.

00:38:18Turns out, my mother wasn't that badly hurt.

00:38:22It was a miracle, really.

00:38:25The ass bullet didn't do much damage.

00:38:28Because my family's gifted.

00:38:33The head bullet didn't hit anything vital.

00:38:36Other than the head, obviously.

00:38:39But it missed her spinal cord, missed the nerves, didn't touch the brain, went right through,

00:38:46missed the eye, hit the eye socket, and so deflected.

00:38:49And all it did was it cut a piece of her nostril off, just one side, and the bullet went

00:38:54out clean.

00:38:55Which means she didn't have to go in for intensive surgery, and her recovery was only a week.

00:39:01Yeah, a week.

00:39:02Which was fantastic.

00:39:03Because that means the bill was only 24,000 rand.

00:39:08I mean, and she's alive, yes.

00:39:09But the bill was only 24,000 rand.

00:39:13This is great.

00:39:14Really great.

00:39:15Because 25 was my cutoff.

00:39:18So, you laugh.

00:39:19But that's how much I've calculated I'm willing to pay my mom back.

00:39:22For all the Ultramel custard I've consumed in my life.

00:39:25Everything else, none of my business, eh?

00:39:28Food, clothes, schooling, all of that stuff.

00:39:30I'm not paying.

00:39:31I hate it when parents say that to the kids.

00:39:32You know how hard I have to work for your bloody school and your clothes?

00:39:34Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.

00:39:36I didn't ask to be born.

00:39:37That's your job.

00:39:38Please.

00:39:39You handle that.

00:39:40I asked for the Ultramel.

00:39:41We can keep a tab.

00:39:44Don't involve me in your things.

00:39:47That's what I calculate.

00:39:4825,000.

00:39:49Yeah.

00:39:50I would have been there.

00:39:5124,750.

00:39:52I would have been there at the doctor.

00:39:53Eta?

00:39:54It's fine, my man.

00:39:54No, stop.

00:39:55No, no.

00:39:55No, you tried.

00:39:56You tried, my man.

00:39:57It's cool.

00:39:57No, you tried.

00:39:58No, just switch off there.

00:39:59Switch off.

00:40:00How much?

00:40:00250 left.

00:40:01We'll pour petrol or something.

00:40:02It's fine.

00:40:02Just switch off there.

00:40:04You tried.

00:40:05Yeah.

00:40:09It was fantastic.

00:40:10I told my mom about the 25.

00:40:12She laughed.

00:40:12She didn't know how serious.

00:40:17And to show you what a crazy family we have.

00:40:19My mom's in the recovery ward.

00:40:21She's got those tubes in her and everything and the IV and, you know, my brother's in the

00:40:25corner bored out of his mind.

00:40:27And my grandmother's in the other corner reading the Bible.

00:40:30And I'm holding my mom's hand and I'm crying.

00:40:32Still crying.

00:40:33This is a week later.

00:40:33I'm still crying.

00:40:36I've been crying the whole week.

00:40:37But I've also been using this time to cry for other things in my life.

00:40:41No, because as a man, you need to know when to cry.

00:40:43You loop it all together and you just cry at one time.

00:40:45It's like, we cry in bulk.

00:40:47You've got to understand.

00:40:48You cry.

00:40:48You don't just cry one, one, one, one.

00:40:50Uh-uh.

00:40:51Cry in bulk.

00:40:52So I'm crying for everything.

00:40:56And my mom looks at me and she goes, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, don't cry, baby.

00:41:00I said, no, mom, I'm going to cry.

00:41:01You were shot in the head.

00:41:02She says, no, no, no, no, look on the bright side.

00:41:04I said, what bright side?

00:41:06She says, no.

00:41:07At least now, because of my nose, you're officially the best looking person in the family.

00:41:13I was like, oh, by default.

00:41:17That was probably the worst time ever, is flying into America as an African during the

00:41:24Ebola crisis.

00:41:26It was the craziest thing I've ever seen in an airport.

00:41:29You'd walk in, there'd be tension, they'd usher everybody into a special quarantine area,

00:41:34ask you questions, questions that they don't normally ask.

00:41:36The number one question they always ask was, sir, have you been in contact with Ebola?

00:41:40They're always like, sir, have you been in contact with Ebola?

00:41:43Or, I love the sincerity of the question.

00:41:46Like, there was a chance my answer could be, yes.

00:41:50And next up, Disney World.

00:41:55Like, what kind of person do you think I am that I'll still be embarking on a journey,

00:42:00having knowingly been in contact with the most deadly disease on the planet?

00:42:03Like, who do you think I am that I'll be there like, I don't care.

00:42:07Booking.com has a zero refund policy.

00:42:11I'm going to Disney World.

00:42:12Even if it kills me, Mickey Mouse, and everybody else, I'm going.

00:42:18Have you been in contact with Ebola?

00:42:20And they always said that Ebola was like a distant relative.

00:42:22I love the phrasing.

00:42:23Have you been in contact with Ebola?

00:42:25Yeah, I spoke to him last week.

00:42:26He's doing well, eh?

00:42:27Thank you very much for asking.

00:42:30Ebola made flying a nightmare.

00:42:33One of the worst flights.

00:42:34I was coming from Johannesburg, South Africa, going to San Francisco.

00:42:38Flew, and then because of the distance of the flight, you have to stop over in Washington.

00:42:41And they change over your flight, so you go onto another plane, and then that plane takes you to San

00:42:45Francisco.

00:42:45And when we were changing planes, when we were switching over,

00:42:48the air hostess in the second plane tells the passengers that Africans are coming on board.

00:42:56And so because of this, they're going to be spraying the cabin with the light pesticide.

00:43:00No, I understand.

00:43:01Like, when people are afraid, they do stupid things.

00:43:03I get it.

00:43:05What I didn't understand was why she told them this as we were boarding the plane.

00:43:13Have the decency to speak behind our backs.

00:43:17Because we're walking onto the aircraft, and she takes her little microphone, and she goes,

00:43:22Ladies and gentlemen, please note, we have some passengers joining us in the South African flight.

00:43:27They're coming from Africa.

00:43:28If everybody could please stay in their seats as these passengers find their place.

00:43:31We're going to be spraying the cabin with a light pesticide due to the Ebola crisis.

00:43:35And feel free to cover your nose, eyes, ears, and mouth.

00:43:38The pesticide shouldn't be harmful, but it may be.

00:43:41So if everybody would just cover up, and we'll be coming down shortly as everybody takes their place.

00:43:45Thank you very much.

00:43:46She says this as we board the plane.

00:43:48This is our introduction.

00:43:49Ebola crisis.

00:43:50And we're there like, hello, hello.

00:43:52Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

00:43:55Do you know how hard it is to find a seat in a plane with people that think you're bringing

00:43:58them death?

00:43:58Do you know how hard it is?

00:44:00Like you're sitting there, and everyone, you go, it almost felt like that scene from Forrest Gump.

00:44:03Like as I'm walking down the plane, people are like, mm-mm.

00:44:06You can't sit here.

00:44:09No space.

00:44:10I'm just walking down trying to find your Jenny.

00:44:15Finally, everyone's seated.

00:44:18We take off.

00:44:19The plane heads out to San Francisco.

00:44:22And it was by far the most tense flight I have ever been on.

00:44:30I coughed once.

00:44:34The plane shook.

00:44:38It wasn't even a bad cough.

00:44:39It was just like a little tickle.

00:44:40I was just like, the guy opposite me was like, Iboa!

00:44:45Iboa!

00:44:46I was like, yo, dude, calm down, man.

00:44:48Calm down.

00:44:49It's just AIDS.

00:44:50You're safe, buddy.

00:44:52Calm down.

00:44:53It's okay.

00:44:57Everyone was so stressed.

00:44:58The plane was tense.

00:44:59No one wanted food nor snacks.

00:45:01We finally land at the airport.

00:45:03The plane is taxiing to the gate, and everyone, everyone was waiting for that seatbelt sign to go off.

00:45:08Everyone was just, like it was more than normal.

00:45:10Because already, I never understand why people are in a hurry on a plane to get out of their seat.

00:45:13Like, because you can't go anywhere.

00:45:15Whenever a plane lands, everyone's just like, come on, come on, come on.

00:45:19You can't go, you're going to go there.

00:45:20That's where you, you literally go there.

00:45:23Come on, come on.

00:45:24Boom.

00:45:25Yeah.

00:45:26You can't, I don't understand why people are in a hurry to go.

00:45:29You know who's even worse?

00:45:30The people at the window.

00:45:31You have no right to be in a hurry.

00:45:33You're sitting there like, come on, come on, come on.

00:45:35Boom.

00:45:36Yeah.

00:45:38Oh, that's good.

00:45:39Yeah.

00:45:40Pass me my luggage.

00:45:40Pass it to me now.

00:45:41Right now.

00:45:42Yeah.

00:45:43I'm glad I didn't sit down for two more minutes.

00:45:45This is much more comfortable.

00:45:47Just stay in your seat.

00:45:48Just wait.

00:45:49Ebola made it worse.

00:45:50A hundred times worse.

00:45:51You know, because now everyone wants to get out of the plane.

00:45:54Coughing, sneezing.

00:45:55You can feel the tension.

00:45:55And as we're about to leave, the air hostess comes back on the PA and she goes, ladies

00:45:59and gentlemen, back in your seats, please.

00:46:00Everybody back in your seats.

00:46:02Unfortunately, right now we have a health and safety official that needs to come on board

00:46:05just to make sure that everything is A-OK due to Ebola.

00:46:08We're just going to make sure that everything is fine.

00:46:09So please stay in your seats, ladies and gentlemen.

00:46:11Again, apologies for the delay.

00:46:13She says this.

00:46:14And then this man comes on, a health and safety official, right?

00:46:17And he has with him a list of all the African passengers and a thermometer, right?

00:46:22A digital laser thermometer.

00:46:24And he comes on and his job is to scan all the African passengers and get their temperature.

00:46:28And I think the way it works is like, if you're very hot, then you've got Ebola, right?

00:46:31So he's got the list.

00:46:32He walks around, scans the passengers and gets the thing, walks down, ticks their names

00:46:36off the list, gets the temperature, gets the names, temperature names, finally gets

00:46:39to where I'm seated and does the weirdest thing.

00:46:42He scans a passenger opposite me, moves to my aisle, looks at me, looks at my name, looks

00:46:50back at me.

00:46:51And then he just shrugs and walks away.

00:46:56Nah.

00:47:02Almost as if I wasn't African enough.

00:47:08I've never felt so conflicted in my life.

00:47:13Yeah, because, don't get me wrong, like, I never want anyone to think I have Ebola.

00:47:24But I also don't want anyone to assume that I can't have Ebola.

00:47:28I'm like, you don't know me.

00:47:34You don't know what I'm capable of.

00:47:35I could have all of Ebola in the world.

00:47:39And this guy just ignored me.

00:47:41He walks away.

00:47:43I'm there trying to cheer myself up, like, chin up, Trevor, you could have Ebola.

00:47:45Chin up, kid.

00:47:46Come on, come on, come on.

00:47:47You could have Ebola.

00:47:49And he walks to the back of the plane.

00:47:51He scans the rest of the passengers.

00:47:53Gets to the tail.

00:47:54And he realizes he's now missing a name.

00:47:56So he looks back through the plane, can't figure out what's going on.

00:47:58I know it's me.

00:47:59I know it's me.

00:48:00But I'm not going to help him.

00:48:03He had his chance.

00:48:04He had a good Ebola man and he let him go.

00:48:08And so I watch him panic.

00:48:09And as he panics, the air hostess comes back down the plane.

00:48:12She goes, hey, what's going on?

00:48:12I need to get the people out of here.

00:48:13He goes, yeah, I know.

00:48:14I got a problem on the Ebola list.

00:48:15I can't figure out where the passenger is.

00:48:18And she's like, yeah, I got to get the people out.

00:48:19He's like, look, I know this is killing me as well.

00:48:20But I just got to figure it out.

00:48:21She's like, yeah, yeah.

00:48:22If I don't get them out, I'm dead.

00:48:23I'm dead.

00:48:23I got to get the people going.

00:48:24He's like, yeah, I know.

00:48:25Just calm down.

00:48:25Just give me a second.

00:48:26And now you can feel the tension building in the plane.

00:48:29People start whispering.

00:48:29There's murmurs going around.

00:48:31Because some people are hearing pieces of the conversations.

00:48:33Like broken telephone as it goes down the plane.

00:48:35All they're hearing is, yeah, yeah, Ebola, Ebola killing me.

00:48:37People are just like, yeah, yeah, dead, dead.

00:48:39Everybody out of here, dead.

00:48:41And he's like, you feel the tension.

00:48:43People start looking at each other.

00:48:45The guy opposite me didn't even hide it.

00:48:46He was like, it's you.

00:48:47It's you.

00:48:48You, Ebola, it's you.

00:48:50I was like, dude, I do not have Ebola.

00:48:51Stop saying that.

00:48:52Stop saying that.

00:48:52He's like, it's you, damn it.

00:48:53It's you.

00:48:54I'm busy coughing.

00:48:54I was like, if you don't shut up, I'll cough on you.

00:48:56I'll cough on you now.

00:48:57He's like, what?

00:49:00He's like, what?

00:49:01I'll kill you.

00:49:02I was like, I'll kill you first.

00:49:06Everyone in the place starts losing.

00:49:07The people are going crazy.

00:49:09Everyone is stressed.

00:49:10People want to leave.

00:49:11In the middle of the chaos, in the midst of all of this, I'll never forget.

00:49:15A Middle Eastern man, maybe four rows behind me, dressed in very traditional garb.

00:49:21He stands up.

00:49:23And he sticks his head into the conversation being had between the air hostess and the safety official.

00:49:29And he goes, excuse me, pardon me.

00:49:32Sorry to interrupt.

00:49:33I couldn't help noticing what you are talking.

00:49:36I just want to say, maybe you want to check.

00:49:38I know this gentleman over there who's coughing a little bit.

00:49:41The man, he never write anything for him.

00:49:43Yeah, I thought he was wearing a hood.

00:49:45Something about him.

00:49:46I don't know.

00:49:47Just made me a little bit uncomfortable.

00:49:49I thought maybe you want to check.

00:49:50There is a, you know what they say.

00:49:52See something, say something.

00:50:00I did go to Zambia though.

00:50:02Fantastic place, Zambia.

00:50:03Went there, visited the place, had a good time.

00:50:05While I was there, I had a chaperone who really made my trip.

00:50:07His name was Ali Nani, a sweet guy.

00:50:09And his job was to get me accustomed to the Zambian culture.

00:50:13You know?

00:50:13And every day he would give me a new piece of information.

00:50:15Some more interesting than others.

00:50:17Like one day he looks at me and he goes,

00:50:18Trevor, you know Zambia, Zambia is a very, very conservative nation, huh?

00:50:23I said, oh, okay, Ali.

00:50:24He says, yeah.

00:50:25So please, stay away from profanity.

00:50:28I said, oh, okay, I can do that, you know.

00:50:29And I assumed he meant swearing, right?

00:50:31But I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if he meant a person or swearing.

00:50:34I wasn't like, no, no, no.

00:50:36Because in Zambia, people have names like profanity.

00:50:39So that's how I laughed when I meant screwdriver, eh?

00:50:41That's the same way I laughed.

00:50:43Yeah, because you see, in South Africa, we have African names you can translate.

00:50:47Like happiness, blessing, hope, those kinds of names, right?

00:50:51But then in Zambia, people give their names, like their children,

00:50:54they give their children names of everyday English words.

00:50:57Anything.

00:50:58So like table, chair, car, house.

00:51:01Yeah, you see like this, you just have to get used to it.

00:51:03It's very hard, but you have to keep a straight face.

00:51:06Which was difficult because I met a mechanic who had sons named Break and Clutch.

00:51:11And that was not, especially when Break was running around causing chaos.

00:51:14And his dad was there like, stop it, Break, stop it, Break, stop it, Stop it, Break.

00:51:18And I was like, eh, stop it, Break.

00:51:23But you have to get used to it.

00:51:24It's a cultural thing.

00:51:26And so you have to respect it.

00:51:28And the second warning Ali gave me was even stranger.

00:51:32We're driving through Lusaka, the capital.

00:51:35And Ali looks over at me in the car and he goes, Trevor, you know here in Zambia,

00:51:39we are a very God-loving nation, eh?

00:51:42I said, oh, okay, Ali, that's a good thing to know.

00:51:44He says, yes.

00:51:45So while you are here, don't be gay.

00:51:52He said, what?

00:51:53He says, I know it can be tempting sometimes, but don't do it, eh?

00:51:56Don't be gay.

00:51:58Don't be gay?

00:51:59I've never been warned of this in my life.

00:52:01Don't be gay.

00:52:02Hey, hey, Bruce, don't be gay.

00:52:03Don't be gay.

00:52:05Don't be gay?

00:52:07Crazy, crazy, crazy warning to get.

00:52:09But then I found out why Ali was warning me.

00:52:12Turns out in Zambia, being gay is illegal.

00:52:17If you are found to be gay, you will be arrested and sent to prison for more than 30 years.

00:52:24Yeah.

00:52:25Which is a bit of a weird punishment.

00:52:33When you think about it.

00:52:36I mean, I'm not saying gay guys would enjoy prison.

00:52:40I'm just saying if I was gay, that's not the worst thing you could do to me.

00:52:44You'd be like, you're going to jail.

00:52:46I'd be like, oh, no.

00:52:52Don't be gay.

00:52:54I couldn't believe this.

00:52:56Gay is a crime in Zambia.

00:52:57Which got me thinking.

00:52:59If gay is a crime, that means the police have to monitor it.

00:53:02They actually have to police gay.

00:53:04Yeah.

00:53:05Which means in their police force, they have a gay division.

00:53:10It's a crime.

00:53:11It's a crime.

00:53:11So that means they've got a murder unit.

00:53:13They've got a robbery unit.

00:53:14They've got a white collar crimes unit.

00:53:15And then they've got a gay unit.

00:53:16Huh?

00:53:17Yeah.

00:53:17They've got a little G unit in their police force.

00:53:20That's responsible for all things gay.

00:53:22That must be the most fun police force to be in in the world.

00:53:25You get to go undercover.

00:53:27Dress up really nice.

00:53:28Get in touch with your flamboyant side.

00:53:29You know, just have a good time.

00:53:31I bet the sergeant's there every morning, briefing his detectives.

00:53:34Good morning, detectives.

00:53:36Welcome, everybody.

00:53:37Today, we will be launching a sting operation.

00:53:41We have just been informed of a fashion show that will be taking a place.

00:53:46And as you know, the gays cannot resist the latest trends.

00:53:50Therefore, we will be in full attendance to apprehend each and every one of them.

00:53:54Let us make sure we are here.

00:53:55Detective Chippua.

00:53:57Present.

00:53:59Detective Table.

00:54:01Present.

00:54:02Detective Mungai.

00:54:05Present.

00:54:08I think he's in too deep.

00:54:16How do you, how do you police gay?

00:54:19Do they stop you if you look suspiciously gay in the streets?

00:54:22You know?

00:54:22I mean, gay doesn't have a look, but maybe you've just got to bounce about you.

00:54:24Maybe you just have like a bit of pizzazz.

00:54:26Maybe, you know?

00:54:26Do the police pull up there?

00:54:27And he's like, whoo, you over there.

00:54:30What is the purpose of that flamboyant scarf?

00:54:36Put your hands up.

00:54:40Turn around.

00:54:41Don't tempt me.

00:54:42Don't tempt me.

00:54:43You are going to jail.

00:54:47How do you police gay?

00:54:50Do they have roadblocks, like for drunk driving?

00:54:52Do they have gay roadblocks?

00:54:54Who's stopping people in their car?

00:54:55Good evening, officer.

00:54:56Good evening, sir.

00:54:58License, please.

00:55:00Thank you very much.

00:55:01Mr. Stylish, huh?

00:55:03Tell me, sir.

00:55:04Have you been gay this evening?

00:55:07What?

00:55:08Oh, no, no, no.

00:55:08I have not been gay.

00:55:09No, no.

00:55:10In fact, I don't gay at all.

00:55:11At all.

00:55:12I see.

00:55:13Not even one or two?

00:55:14No, no, no.

00:55:14No gays for me.

00:55:15No gays for me.

00:55:17Okay.

00:55:18Then tell me, sir.

00:55:20What is that I can smell on your breath?

00:55:23Is that balls?

00:55:27No, no, no.

00:55:29No, I don't even eat chutney.

00:55:31No, no.

00:55:33Ah.

00:55:36So you are not gay?

00:55:37No, not gay at all.

00:55:39Then, sir, can you please blow into this?

00:55:52Don't be gay.

00:55:55I was not gay while I was in Zambia, so I had a good time.

00:55:59Went around, saw the people.

00:56:01The highlights of my trip came when on my day off, I asked Ali for suggestions.

00:56:05Ali said to me, maybe you should drive around Roussaka, meet some of the people, you know,

00:56:08just have a good time.

00:56:09I said, Ali, I want to do something special.

00:56:11I said, ah, okay, well, in that case, maybe you can go to the mall.

00:56:15And if you are lucky, maybe you can ride the escalators, huh?

00:56:20I said, what?

00:56:21Yeah, I'm not promising anything.

00:56:24But if you are early, maybe you can go once or twice.

00:56:27I said, escalators?

00:56:28I said, I know, mind-blowing, huh?

00:56:31I thought he was messing with me.

00:56:34Until I found out people in Zambia go to the mall just to ride the escalators.

00:56:41Seems ridiculous, till you understand the backstory.

00:56:45When we were in Zambia, there were only five public escalators.

00:56:51Five.

00:56:52In the whole country.

00:56:54The first escalator was built in August.

00:56:58Not August 19.

00:57:00No, no, no.

00:57:01You guys remember August?

00:57:02August, August, August, August.

00:57:03You guys remember that?

00:57:04They built their first escalators ever.

00:57:06Yeah.

00:57:07And so now it's all the rage.

00:57:08People go to the mall just to ride escalators.

00:57:09Yeah.

00:57:10But now, I don't want you to picture like some dusty village.

00:57:12That's not what Zambia is.

00:57:13It's a beautiful place.

00:57:14They're developing just as we are.

00:57:16They've got roads.

00:57:16They've got airports.

00:57:17They've got beautiful hotels.

00:57:19Stunning shopping malls.

00:57:20They've got everything we've got.

00:57:21Even faster internet.

00:57:22They just never had escalators.

00:57:25And now they started building them.

00:57:26And because of that, people go there and they just spend a day riding escalators.

00:57:31Dads will go home and fetch their kids.

00:57:33Children, we are going to the mall.

00:57:34To do what, daddy?

00:57:36To do shopping.

00:57:37And to ride the escalators.

00:57:39Yay!

00:57:42We couldn't believe this, so we went to the mall, right?

00:57:44We get to the mall.

00:57:45The mall is empty.

00:57:47Escalators are packed.

00:57:50People are standing in lines, going around, doubling back on themselves.

00:57:53There's old people, young people, even couples.

00:57:55There were couples.

00:57:56Guys that actually picked up women by saying,

00:57:58I'm going to take you to the escalator, girl.

00:58:01She's like, ooh, you're so fancy, eh?

00:58:06Escalators.

00:58:07Some people didn't even know how to ride the escalators.

00:58:10Kids were easy.

00:58:11They just jumped on.

00:58:12Old people would panic.

00:58:13There was one guy who got on the escalator and was going up.

00:58:15And I guess to compensate for something in his mind,

00:58:18as it went up, he started leaning.

00:58:21He fell down.

00:58:24He was hurt so badly.

00:58:29Oh, it was fantastic to watch.

00:58:32We spent like three hours doing this, just watching people, riding escalators.

00:58:37And you know what?

00:58:37Our patience paid off.

00:58:38Because in hour three, the most fantastic thing happened.

00:58:42A school brought a class of children to the mall.

00:58:46And their excursion was just to ride the escalators.

00:58:50It was magic.

00:58:52Thirty kids, about five years old, cutest things, wearing their little black and white uniforms.

00:58:57And they're standing there together holding hands.

00:58:59And they were so excited.

00:59:01So shining.

00:59:03Not from excitement.

00:59:04That Vaseline.

00:59:10And there's two teachers with the children.

00:59:13And they grab their hands on either end.

00:59:15And in a long train, they start to march through the mall.

00:59:17And as they do, they start singing at the top of their lungs like little angels.

00:59:32And it was the sweetest thing ever.

00:59:35People are waving at them, smiling.

00:59:37And these kids see the escalators.

00:59:39And they lost their minds.

00:59:43These kids went crazy.

00:59:45They're not holding hands.

00:59:47They start screaming and running around.

00:59:49It looked like a zombie movie or something.

00:59:51This is like, they're jumping.

00:59:52But then you see the smiles on their faces.

00:59:53It looks like the end of Serafina.

00:59:55You're like, what the hell is going on here?

00:59:56These kids are screaming and having the time.

00:59:58They're jumping around, doing cartwheels.

01:00:00The teacher can't control them.

01:00:01She's panicking.

01:00:02Like, yeah, get back.

01:00:02Get back.

01:00:03Two by two.

01:00:04Two by two.

01:00:05Two by two was one of the kids.

01:00:07I didn't know.

01:00:07She's like, two by two.

01:00:08Next to me.

01:00:09Next to me.

01:00:10Single file.

01:00:11Other kids are still jumping.

01:00:13She can't control them.

01:00:14There was one fat kid.

01:00:14He couldn't jump.

01:00:15So he just shook himself.

01:00:25That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.

01:00:30It's like I had gone in a time machine to a time when escalators were new.

01:00:34Brand new and popular.

01:00:36So popular that people were taking pictures of the escalators using their iPhones.

01:00:45People are technology, eh?

01:00:47Ah, ah, ah.

01:00:49Who even thinks of these things, eh?

01:00:50Can you imagine?

01:00:51Hey, we are in the future now, my man.

01:00:53Mechanical moving stairs, eh?

01:00:54Ah, ah.

01:00:55What are we going to see next?

01:00:56I don't even know.

01:00:57I don't even know.

01:00:58Can you?

01:00:58I wonder how it works, eh?

01:00:59Let me just check there.

01:01:00Siri, how does an escalator work?

01:01:03I don't know, eh?

01:01:06Some of you may or may not know.

01:01:07I have a new job.

01:01:08This is great.

01:01:10Thank you very much.

01:01:12So, um, so that's fun.

01:01:15Phoned my grandmother to tell her the good news, which was really cool.

01:01:18I don't think she understood what was going on, but still she was happy.

01:01:20Phoned my gran and she was on the phone.

01:01:22I was like, Granny, I'm going to be on The Daily Show.

01:01:23And she's like, ooh, Trevor.

01:01:26I'm so happy for you.

01:01:29You got a job.

01:01:33I said, no, no, no, no, Gogo.

01:01:35No, I already had a job, Gogo.

01:01:37I already had a job.

01:01:38She's like, no, you didn't.

01:01:42Did you have an office?

01:01:44I said, no.

01:01:45She's like, then it wasn't a job.

01:01:48Well done, Trevor.

01:01:50My mom was a bit better.

01:01:52I phoned her.

01:01:53She was on the ball.

01:01:54You know, she was really excited for me.

01:01:56And to give you a bit of a back story, I have two younger brothers.

01:01:59All right, I have one brother who is nine years younger than me.

01:02:02And then the youngest is 20 years younger than me.

01:02:05And so the youngest one, who's 11, just became head boy of his school.

01:02:09He's the head prefect at his school, right?

01:02:11Yeah, so then, no, no, no, no, please.

01:02:13No, this is my show.

01:02:13You don't clap for him.

01:02:15Please.

01:02:15They didn't clap for me at his school.

01:02:17Please.

01:02:18I work hard for my applause.

01:02:19Please, guys.

01:02:23So anyway, so I phoned my mom.

01:02:26I phoned my mom to tell her my good news.

01:02:27My good news.

01:02:28And I'm on the phone with her, and I'm like, mom, this is happening.

01:02:30She's like, oh, baby, I'm so happy for you.

01:02:31Oh, this is so wonderful.

01:02:32Oh, I'm so happy.

01:02:33This is so great.

01:02:34Oh, and did you hear what happened with your brother?

01:02:36He became head boy at his school.

01:02:37Oh, I'm so happy.

01:02:39Both my boys are doing big things.

01:02:41And I was like, yeah.

01:02:46Some things are bigger than others.

01:02:49She's like, no, baby, it's all the same to me.

01:02:51It's all the same.

01:02:52I was like, you say that.

01:02:53But I mean, you know, I mean, you know, if you had to choose.

01:02:58She's like, okay, fine, fine, fine.

01:03:01I'll be honest.

01:03:02You were never a prefect, so.

01:03:06Damn it!

01:03:08That's when I wish I had a physical phone.

01:03:10That's when I wish I had a landline.

01:03:11You know, I have those landline moments in my life

01:03:13where I wish I had an old school phone

01:03:14so I could slam it down.

01:03:15Young people will never know the joy

01:03:18of slamming a phone at the end of a call.

01:03:20Like, cell phones have robbed us of that.

01:03:21That feeling, you know, where you get to tell the person,

01:03:23screw you!

01:03:24Bah!

01:03:25Ah, it feels so good.

01:03:27They feel it on the other end, like, ah!

01:03:29It's like you punch them in the ear.

01:03:31Now with phones, you've robbed of all of that.

01:03:34You know, there's no sense of power.

01:03:35Screw you!

01:03:37Eh!

01:03:39That's all you have.

01:03:40And you can't even press the screen hard

01:03:41because you're scared you're going to crack your own phone.

01:03:43You don't...

01:03:45I hate cell phones so much.

01:03:48I think they're robbing us of our intelligence.

01:03:50I honestly believe cell phones are going to be the reason

01:03:52that human beings devolve.

01:03:54We're going back to the Stone Ages because of those things.

01:03:58Everything about them is turning us into apes again.

01:04:02Neanderthals.

01:04:03I was looking at my thumbs the other day.

01:04:06I spent so much time texting and sending messages

01:04:09that I feel like they've started curling over

01:04:12like monkey's hands.

01:04:13I've gotten really good at typing and grabbing branches.

01:04:19Everything about those phones

01:04:22is robbing us of our humanity.

01:04:24We were proud because we evolved.

01:04:25We stand.

01:04:26We walk tall.

01:04:27And then we got our phones.

01:04:28And now every day we spend like this.

01:04:31And over time we're going to go back.

01:04:35Tom.

01:04:37Have you tried to have a conversation with someone on their phone?

01:04:39Literally sounds like a caveman, doesn't it?

01:04:48We've lost it.

01:04:49We don't know how to communicate anymore.

01:04:51Now we use those emojis for everything.

01:04:54Emoji, emoji, emoji, emoji.

01:04:55No one even uses words.

01:04:57Send a paragraph to your friend.

01:04:58Had a great day.

01:04:59Did this.

01:04:59It was so funny.

01:05:00They reply.

01:05:01Eee.

01:05:03And did you hear?

01:05:04She died.

01:05:05Oh.

01:05:07That's it.

01:05:08No words.

01:05:10Emojis are basically the cave drawings of 2015.

01:05:14Yeah, we judge cavemen.

01:05:15We think they were primitive

01:05:16because we couldn't find any words in their pictures.

01:05:18Someone's going to think the same thing of us.

01:05:20The way we look at cavemen and go,

01:05:21Oh, look at them.

01:05:21They couldn't write.

01:05:22Oh, the caveman.

01:05:22He was so simple.

01:05:23Oh, and he was hunting.

01:05:24And he had a family.

01:05:25Oh.

01:05:26Simple.

01:05:27Someone's going to see our messages in a thousand years.

01:05:29Be like, oh.

01:05:30Look at that.

01:05:31Oh, the people of 2015.

01:05:33Simple.

01:05:33Oh.

01:05:34Yeah, look at that.

01:05:35Oh, they laughed.

01:05:36And they cried.

01:05:38Sometimes they laughed until they cried.

01:05:41Some of them were blind in one eye.

01:05:43Yeah.

01:05:44But that didn't stop them from having fun.

01:05:46Ah.

01:05:48Oh.

01:05:49And there were monkeys that didn't talk.

01:05:52Oh.

01:05:52Monkeys that didn't listen.

01:05:54Oh.

01:05:55And they were always dancing in red dresses.

01:05:57Oh.

01:05:582015.

01:05:59A simple time.

01:06:02We don't communicate anymore.

01:06:05But our emojis.

01:06:07Phones are making us dumb.

01:06:08I fear most for women.

01:06:10You know, the most intelligent of our species.

01:06:13And I fear for you.

01:06:15I fear, ladies.

01:06:16I fear for what the selfie has done to you.

01:06:20Women are obsessed with selfies.

01:06:24The average woman spends 50% of her day thinking about when she can take the next selfie.

01:06:28That's all she's thinking about.

01:06:29Oh, let's take a selfie.

01:06:30Oh, let's take a selfie.

01:06:31Oh, let's take a selfie.

01:06:31Let's take a selfie.

01:06:32Take a selfie of me taking a selfie of you.

01:06:33Oh.

01:06:34This is great.

01:06:35Selfie-ception.

01:06:36I love it.

01:06:37Everyone's just in there.

01:06:37Selfie, selfie, selfie, selfie.

01:06:38And you know what's fine?

01:06:39The pictures look great.

01:06:40The pictures look great.

01:06:40Instagram.

01:06:41Oh, like my picture.

01:06:42Like my...

01:06:42Yeah, it looks normal.

01:06:42But have you seen what it looks like when someone makes a selfie?

01:06:45It is the creepiest thing you've ever seen in your life.

01:06:47A normal woman sitting by herself, having lunch, doing whatever she's doing.

01:06:50And all of a sudden, she'll look at her phone.

01:06:52And something in her head goes weird.

01:06:55And she transforms into a selfie monster.

01:06:58She'll literally just be there looking at her phone, going through stuff.

01:07:00And all of a sudden, she's like...

01:07:08She'll be there looking at her phone, going through stuff.

01:07:39Just randomly took a picture.

01:07:43Caught off guard.

01:07:46Hashtag, I woke up like this.

01:07:50Hashtag, no you didn't.

01:07:52Hashtag, you crazy.

01:07:53Hashtag, stop that shit.

01:07:56You know, recently, because of my job on The Daily Show,

01:07:58I got invited to very prestigious events.

01:08:03You know, I've started getting invited to very, very fancy functions.

01:08:05Functions I would have never been invited to before.

01:08:08You know, recently, I got invited to my uncle's wedding.

01:08:13Never knew me before this.

01:08:16And before that, before that, I got invited to an event in New York called the Met Gala.

01:08:21A very prestigious event.

01:08:24Where 500 people are gathered together.

01:08:26Different personalities from all walks of life.

01:08:28Come together.

01:08:29You know, actors, singers, painters, musicians.

01:08:32Everyone.

01:08:33And you spend the night dressed very nicely.

01:08:35Looking at history and art.

01:08:38Just walk around, smiling, looking sophisticated.

01:08:42Yeah, and it's so, it's so exclusive.

01:08:45That they tell you exactly what you're going to be wearing at the event.

01:08:48Right?

01:08:49So they, not dress code.

01:08:51Exactly what you wear.

01:08:52So I got phoned.

01:08:53They said, Trevor, we'd like to invite you to the Met Gala.

01:08:55I was like, wow, okay.

01:08:55And they said, and you will be wearing a Ralph Lauren suit.

01:08:59And I was like, well, okay, how much is a Ralph Lauren?

01:09:06But they were like, no, no, no.

01:09:07We provide it for you.

01:09:08Ralph Lauren is going to be giving you the suit.

01:09:10And I was like, wow.

01:09:11Wow, I get to go to the Ralph Lauren store and pick up a suit for myself.

01:09:14They're like, no, no, no.

01:09:15The man, Ralph Lauren, is going to give you a suit.

01:09:19Do you know how mind-blowing that is?

01:09:21To meet the man whose name is on your clothing.

01:09:24That was just crazy.

01:09:24Like, that's never happened to me.

01:09:25I've never had the opportunity to meet the person whose name is on my clothing.

01:09:29I've never had the chance to say, pleasure to meet you, Mr. Price.

01:09:33Like.

01:09:40This is a new world for me.

01:09:45Yeah, I'm wearing his suit.

01:09:47Invited to the Met Gala.

01:09:49And they tell you it's going to be a fun affair.

01:09:51You're going to have a great time.

01:09:51You get there.

01:09:52You eat with some people.

01:09:53You talk.

01:09:54You laugh.

01:09:54You walk the red carpet.

01:09:56Which sounds like fun.

01:09:57You know, red carpets sound like fun.

01:09:58Walk down a carpet.

01:09:59People take pictures of you.

01:10:00Yeah.

01:10:01It's a lot more stress than it seems.

01:10:03Because you have to look perfect.

01:10:04I didn't know this.

01:10:04Like, you have to look perfect all the time.

01:10:06And they're so strict about it that they have a tent at the beginning of the red carpet that you

01:10:09don't see on TV.

01:10:10And in that tent, they prepare everybody.

01:10:12All the celebrities stand in the tent together.

01:10:13And then they make sure everyone's dress is perfect.

01:10:15Everyone's hair.

01:10:16Nothing is crumpled up.

01:10:17Nothing, you know.

01:10:18And you stand there.

01:10:18And everyone's there together.

01:10:19Which is really cool.

01:10:20Because you see all the celebrities, like, getting dressed, basically.

01:10:22And you know everyone.

01:10:23They don't know you.

01:10:23But you know all of them.

01:10:25So, like, you're there.

01:10:25You're just looking at people.

01:10:26And people are very nice.

01:10:27You're like, hey, how are you?

01:10:28How are you?

01:10:28They're like, oh, hi, I'm Trevor.

01:10:29Trevor, nice to meet you.

01:10:30It's like, oh, Beyonce.

01:10:31And you're like, yeah.

01:10:35Come on.

01:10:36Come on.

01:10:40Yeah.

01:10:40I know you.

01:10:41I know you from my bedroom wall.

01:10:42I know you.

01:10:44But you can't say that.

01:10:45You can't say it.

01:10:45You see?

01:10:45Because you've got to look cool.

01:10:47You've got to look cool.

01:10:48You know?

01:10:48You've got to look like you belong.

01:10:49So now you're meeting people that you know.

01:10:51But you've got to act like you don't know them.

01:10:53Which makes you look like a jackass.

01:10:55Because now I'm there like, Trevor.

01:10:56Oh, Beyonce.

01:10:58Beyonce.

01:10:58Did I say it?

01:10:59Beyonce.

01:11:00Nice to meet you.

01:11:01Beyonce.

01:11:02Pleasure.

01:11:03Oh, yeah.

01:11:04Oh, Jay Z.

01:11:05Nice to meet you, sir.

01:11:06Yes, yes.

01:11:08He just looked like an idiot.

01:11:09So I'm standing there getting ready with everyone.

01:11:11And then there's a guy who basically tells each person to walk out one at a time.

01:11:15Each celebrity.

01:11:15You walk out onto the red carpet.

01:11:17And there's three stations on the red carpet.

01:11:20When you walk out, the first section is American photographers.

01:11:24They take pictures for all of their magazines and newspapers.

01:11:27When they're done with you, you move down to the second section.

01:11:29That's the European photographers.

01:11:31They do the same thing for their magazines.

01:11:32And then you move to the last section.

01:11:34Asian photographers.

01:11:35Japan, China, that region.

01:11:36They take pictures.

01:11:37And then you walk into the event.

01:11:39So you walk to each one.

01:11:40They tell you to smile.

01:11:41Don't smile too much.

01:11:42Closes your eyes.

01:11:43Don't not smile.

01:11:44Makes you look angry.

01:11:45And pose with your body and your head.

01:11:47Pose with your body and head.

01:11:48Because some people make a mistake and then turn.

01:11:53Don't do that.

01:11:54Turn everything at the same time.

01:11:56Everything.

01:11:56So I'm ready.

01:11:56I'm like, I can do this.

01:11:57I can do this.

01:11:58So I'm in the tent with all the celebrities.

01:12:00And the guy's calling people out.

01:12:01Let's them out one by one.

01:12:02Because they don't want two people in the same shot.

01:12:04They don't want Beyonce there and then me in the background.

01:12:07So the guy's like, okay, we're ready, guys.

01:12:08We're ready.

01:12:09Rihanna.

01:12:09Let's get Rihanna out.

01:12:10Rihanna, come on.

01:12:11How are you?

01:12:11Good to see you.

01:12:12Good to come on.

01:12:12Come on through.

01:12:13So Rihanna walks out.

01:12:14He's like, Anne Hathaway.

01:12:15Anne, how are you?

01:12:16Come on.

01:12:17Come on, Anne.

01:12:17Good to see you.

01:12:18Go on.

01:12:18Yeah.

01:12:19Yeah.

01:12:19And then it's my turn.

01:12:19The guy's like, you.

01:12:21Yeah.

01:12:22Yeah.

01:12:22You.

01:12:22Come on.

01:12:23Let's go.

01:12:23Come on.

01:12:24I'm like, me.

01:12:26He's like, you ready?

01:12:27I'm like, I'm ready.

01:12:27He's like, okay, go on.

01:12:28And I stepped out.

01:12:29And immediately when I got out, I realized I wasn't ready.

01:12:31I was not ready at all.

01:12:32I was not ready at all.

01:12:33I've never seen that many flashes in my entire life.

01:12:35You step out.

01:12:36And it seems like every camera in the world is flashing at the same time.

01:12:38All of them screaming.

01:12:41It's just bright.

01:12:41It looks like someone threw a teaspoon in a microwave.

01:12:43It's going crazy.

01:12:44It's like.

01:12:45And everyone's screaming your name.

01:12:46Trevor.

01:12:47Trevor.

01:12:47Over here.

01:12:47Trevor.

01:12:48Trevor.

01:12:49Trevor.

01:12:49Now you're trying to find them.

01:12:50You look like a madman with voices in your head.

01:12:52Trevor.

01:12:53Trevor.

01:12:53You're like, yeah, speak to me, Jesus.

01:12:57You're trying to find it.

01:12:58You don't know where the thing is coming from.

01:12:59You're like, come on.

01:13:00Come on.

01:13:00Trevor.

01:13:01Trevor.

01:13:02And then one guy throws me off in the middle of it.

01:13:04He's like, Trevor, give us a pose.

01:13:06And I'm like, pose?

01:13:07He's like, yeah, pose.

01:13:08I'm like, no, I don't know how to pose.

01:13:09I've never thought of posing.

01:13:10No one told me.

01:13:10So now, like, I don't know what posing is.

01:13:13I've never practiced posing.

01:13:15And then the guy's pose.

01:13:16I'm like, I don't know.

01:13:16What?

01:13:17I don't know.

01:13:18What's a pose?

01:13:19He's like, come on.

01:13:19Something sexy.

01:13:20I'm like, sexy?

01:13:21I don't even know what's it.

01:13:22Because I've never practiced.

01:13:23And when I read magazines, I go straight to the woman's section.

01:13:26Like, I don't look at the men.

01:13:26I don't see how they're posing.

01:13:27I look at J.Lo and Kim Kardashian.

01:13:29So he's like, sexy.

01:13:30I'm like, sexy.

01:13:31So I just go to what I know.

01:13:32I'm just there.

01:13:43I was like, what the hell?

01:13:44Okay, stop.

01:13:45Stop that.

01:13:45Okay, that's good.

01:13:46That's good.

01:13:46Okay, go on.

01:13:47Go on.

01:13:47Good job.

01:13:48I was like, okay.

01:13:49That was stressful.

01:13:50So I moved down to the European section.

01:13:52You know, I'm getting there.

01:13:52I'm still stressed.

01:13:53The bright lights have got my eyes going.

01:13:55The next guy's like, okay, Trevor, are you ready?

01:13:57I'm like, I'm ready.

01:13:57I'm ready.

01:13:58He's like, okay.

01:13:58All right, over here.

01:13:59Over here.

01:13:59Trevor.

01:14:00Trevor.

01:14:01Trevor.

01:14:01Some guys didn't know my name, though.

01:14:02I could hear that.

01:14:03Because one guy said Trevor.

01:14:04Another guy said Trevor.

01:14:04Then other guys were just like, Trevor.

01:14:06Trevor.

01:14:07Trevor.

01:14:08Trevor.

01:14:09Trevor.

01:14:09But it's sort of like with a dog.

01:14:10Like, a dog doesn't really know its name.

01:14:12Like, if your dog's name's Spotty and you go,

01:14:13Spotty, it's like, huh?

01:14:14So I did the same thing.

01:14:16So, you know, they were like, Trevor.

01:14:17Trevor.

01:14:18Trevor.

01:14:19I'm sure there was one guy who hated me and he was like,

01:14:20Never!

01:14:21And I was like, I didn't care.

01:14:23I was in the mix.

01:14:24I was posing.

01:14:24I was sexy.

01:14:25I was doing my thing.

01:14:26I was loving it.

01:14:26And the guy's like, okay, good job.

01:14:27Go on.

01:14:28Go on.

01:14:28And I walked down and I went to the Asian section.

01:14:30And I stood there.

01:14:31And all the photographers were ready.

01:14:33And then they just looked at me.

01:14:36It was, I don't think you guys, like, it was the weirdest.

01:14:40Because it was like, flashing, flashing, snapping, flashing, screaming, flashing, snapping, screaming, flashing, snapping, silence.

01:14:46I got there.

01:14:48And they just looked at me.

01:14:51And then they looked at each other.

01:14:53And they looked back at me.

01:14:55They looked at me.

01:14:57The way you look at food that's just arrived at your table.

01:15:00But no one has ordered it.

01:15:03That's the way they looked at me.

01:15:04Like they were waiting for the menu.

01:15:06Like for the waiter to come and be like,

01:15:08Sorry, we didn't order.

01:15:09Did you order?

01:15:10Did you order?

01:15:11Who ordered?

01:15:11No, we didn't order this.

01:15:12We ordered celebrities.

01:15:13We don't know what that is.

01:15:15No, no, we don't know.

01:15:15We didn't order.

01:15:16That's how they're looking.

01:15:17Now I'm standing.

01:15:18I'm already posing.

01:15:19Because I've been taught to do.

01:15:21Now I'm there.

01:15:22Nothing's getting them.

01:15:23Even these ones.

01:15:23Nothing's working.

01:15:25They're just looking at me.

01:15:26And then, I don't know why.

01:15:27Like I panicked.

01:15:27Because I was embarrassed.

01:15:28I'm not going to lie.

01:15:28I was embarrassed.

01:15:29No one's taking a picture.

01:15:30No one told me what to do if they don't take a picture.

01:15:32So instead of just walking away,

01:15:35I started making the sounds with my mouth.

01:15:38Just a defense mechanism, I guess.

01:15:41So I panicked.

01:15:42And then in the silence, I was just like,

01:15:45Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, and now they're just

01:15:54looking at me like, Trevor, good job.

01:15:59And I was like, man.

01:16:01The newspapers say that.

01:16:02He's famous.

01:16:03So now people treat you like you're famous.

01:16:04They start saying weird things to you.

01:16:05Strangest things people would say to me.

01:16:07Trevor, Trevor, well done on everything, eh?

01:16:09Congrats, congrats.

01:16:11But even though you're going to America, don't forget us, all right?

01:16:14Don't you forget us.

01:16:17I don't even know who you are.

01:16:21People would say the weirdest things to me.

01:16:22You know, the number one thing people have said to me, number one thing?

01:16:24It's not good luck.

01:16:25It's, uh, hey, Trevor, good luck over there.

01:16:28But whatever you do, don't forget your accent, all right?

01:16:32Yeah, please, don't pull a Charlize on us, okay?

01:16:35You keep your accent, man.

01:16:36Make us proud.

01:16:38Everyone said that.

01:16:39Trevor, brah.

01:16:40Eh, Trevor Noah.

01:16:42Eh, Masa Khan.

01:16:43Eh, man, you're making us proud, no?

01:16:45Yeah, man, you're doing big things, but, brother, can I ask you a favor, no?

01:16:48Don't lose your accent, no?

01:16:50Don't lose your accent.

01:16:51Yeah, when you come back from the States, you might not come back talking funny, okay?

01:16:54Please, brother.

01:16:55If you lose your accent, don't come back.

01:17:00You just threatened me?

01:17:02What does that mean, if you lose your accent?

01:17:05How do you lose your accent?

01:17:07People make it sound like you're going to be walking down the street,

01:17:09and then just out of the blue, you'll be like, huh?

01:17:14My accent!

01:17:17That's my accent!

01:17:19Why the hell is my, oh, oh, oh, no.

01:17:22Well, hello.

01:17:23No, that's not my accent!

01:17:25That's my accent!

01:17:26How are you going to lose your accent?

01:17:31I was stressed now.

01:17:33Because I don't want, I don't want South Africans to think I'm not South African.

01:17:35I don't want them to think I've forgotten something.

01:17:37This is my home.

01:17:38Now I'm stressed coming home.

01:17:40I'm in the plane, flying back to Johannesburg.

01:17:42And the whole time, I'm just thinking, don't lose your accent, Trevor.

01:17:44Don't lose your accent.

01:17:46Don't lose your accent.

01:17:47Accent.

01:17:48Don't accent.

01:17:49Is that how I say accent?

01:17:50Accent.

01:17:51Accent.

01:17:53Accent.

01:17:54Accent.

01:17:55Accent.

01:17:56Accent.

01:17:57Accent.

01:17:58Accent.

01:17:58By the time I landed at OR Tamba, I was losing my mind.

01:18:01I like walked in arrivals.

01:18:02The woman was there at customs.

01:18:03Welcome back to South Africa, sir.

01:18:05I was like, yes, I'm back.

01:18:08Same old Trevor.

01:18:11Nothing changed.

01:18:14You're going crazy.

01:18:16Because I love accents.

01:18:17I really do.

01:18:18I love accents.

01:18:18I like learning languages.

01:18:20And so, obviously, accents are a byproduct of that.

01:18:22I've learned over time that even if you can't learn a language, an accent is a great way

01:18:25to communicate with somebody in your own language whilst trying to bridge the gap.

01:18:29You learn somebody's accent.

01:18:30You communicate more effectively.

01:18:32The thing is, though, you have to learn the accent in the right way.

01:18:35If you're going to speak to someone in their accent and you do it in the wrong way,

01:18:37you might come across as racist.

01:18:40You've got to be very careful about this.

01:18:42White people in South Africa often fall into this trap.

01:18:45Yeah.

01:18:46It happens at petrol stations quite a bit.

01:18:49See people driving in with their friends, talking normally, sitting in the car.

01:18:54You know, so, I mean, if we get all the numbers together, marketing should be behind this.

01:18:57It should be a breeze.

01:18:58You know, HR has stepped up and it's going to be a great year.

01:19:01And look, we try and make sure that it...

01:19:02Oh, sorry, hold on.

01:19:05Hello, baba.

01:19:08Hey, shop shop man.

01:19:10Please put la po full tanky, eh?

01:19:13Hey, 95, unleaded.

01:19:15Yeah.

01:19:16Also, check our matires, eh?

01:19:18Pressure, pumpy, pumpy.

01:19:20Not too much, eh?

01:19:212.2, okay?

01:19:23Yeah.

01:19:24Good jobby.

01:19:25Yeah.

01:19:25Sharp, sharp.

01:19:26Thank you, boss.

01:19:32Don't, don't do that.

01:19:34He's a grown man.

01:19:36He's been pouring petrol his entire life.

01:19:39He knows what you need.

01:19:41Just talk to him like a normal human being.

01:19:43That's the thing people don't understand.

01:19:45Speak to him like a normal human being.

01:19:47I used to get so angry.

01:19:48Whenever I'd see white people changing their accent when they talk to black people, I get

01:19:51so angry.

01:19:52I was like, are all white people racist?

01:19:54Is that what it is?

01:19:55You're racist though.

01:19:56And then I learned.

01:19:57I learned.

01:19:57Life taught me not to be so quick to judge.

01:19:59Yeah.

01:20:00I learned a valuable lesson.

01:20:01I was driving to Gold Reef City one day into the backstage area and the security guard

01:20:05came out to the boom and he was like, hey, how are you, say?

01:20:07Is your name on the list?

01:20:08I said, yes, how are you, baba?

01:20:10My name is Trevor.

01:20:11He's like, okay.

01:20:12Chabal.

01:20:13Chabal.

01:20:14Chabal.

01:20:14I said, no, no, no, Trevor.

01:20:15He's like, oh, sorry.

01:20:17Chabal.

01:20:18Chabal.

01:20:19Chabal.

01:20:20I said, no, Trevor.

01:20:22Chabal.

01:20:23Chabal.

01:20:27Chabal.

01:20:29Chabal.

01:20:32Chabal.

01:20:36Chabal.

01:20:39Chabal.

01:20:40Chabal.

01:20:41Chabal.

01:20:42Chabal.

01:20:43Chabal.

01:20:45And now my friend who was irritated, he just leans over me and he's like, hey, papa,

01:20:51He was like, oh, Trevor, why you don't talk properly?

01:21:01And then I understood, I understood.

01:21:03I finally understood what white people have been trying to do.

01:21:05I see you're trying to communicate more effectively.

01:21:08You're trying to engage somebody.

01:21:09But understand this, understand this.

01:21:11When speaking to somebody in an accent, the number one rule to understand is an accent is not a measurement

01:21:15of intelligence.

01:21:17An accent is just somebody speaking your language with the rules of theirs.

01:21:21That's all an accent is.

01:21:22So don't speak down to them.

01:21:23Don't patronize them.

01:21:25Speak to them the way you would to yourself.

01:21:26Just try and learn their accent.

01:21:28That's all it is.

01:21:28It's just another accent.

01:21:30And I learn them.

01:21:31I learn them.

01:21:31I spend all my time learning accents.

01:21:33I try.

01:21:35I try.

01:21:35I love it.

01:21:37I learn in restaurants.

01:21:38That's a safe place to start.

01:21:40You learn.

01:21:40You read off the menu.

01:21:41You try and pronounce the words correctly.

01:21:43I was inspired by French restaurants, funnily enough.

01:21:47Whenever I'd go to a French restaurant, I was always fascinated by the fact that people would order food in

01:21:52a French accent.

01:21:53I never understood why.

01:21:54Because they don't do it in any other restaurants.

01:21:56Only in French restaurants do people walk in and then change their accent when they order.

01:22:01They come in talking normally.

01:22:02Yeah, you know, it's a wonderful thing.

01:22:03You're really going to enjoy it.

01:22:04It's so beautiful.

01:22:05Yeah, stunning.

01:22:05You have to have other dessert.

01:22:07Oh, good evening.

01:22:07How are you, sir?

01:22:08Yes, we'll have a bottle of water for the table, please.

01:22:10And let's start off with, could we get the Sauvignon Blanc, please?

01:22:14Yes, and you know, we definitely from Maine is going to have the Filet Mignon.

01:22:19And for dessert, we're going to go with the Crème Brûlée.

01:22:23Thank you very much.

01:22:24Oh, you're going to love it.

01:22:26Why are you doing that?

01:22:27I never understood.

01:22:28I was like, why?

01:22:28Because it's not like the French are going to return the favor.

01:22:31There's no French people sitting in our restaurants in South Africa looking at the menu like,

01:22:37So, for the table, we can order some starter portion, we share something, no?

01:22:43Okay.

01:22:44Could we please have one serving of the Boer of Wars?

01:22:55That's not going to happen.

01:23:05I mean, surprise, there's no prizes.

01:23:07It's a free YouTube video, you greedy.

01:23:09Just click the video, man.

01:23:11Why are you on free things on free things?

Trevor Noah - Most Viewed Videos of 2019

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