00:00Someone very special this year, this guy, he really steals my heart, man.
00:05Give it up for this young man right here in his cowboy hat.
00:08Give it up for Daniel, everybody.
00:10Come on, stand up.
00:15You're such a nice guy, dude.
00:17Thank you for coming.
00:18Daniel, come on stage.
00:19Come on stage.
00:20Go around.
00:21Let me tell you a story about this guy.
00:22Come, go around.
00:23Go around.
00:24Come on stage.
00:24Hey, buddy.
00:25Nice to meet you, man.
00:27He's an Iranian cowboy.
00:28What happened to your mouth?
00:29Last night, I had an accident with a horse, and I hurt my lip to my chin.
00:35I went to the hospital, and then they speeched, and the doctor said, no exercising, no laughing.
00:45She said, no hard laughing.
00:50I said, oh, shit, tomorrow I'm going to Fresno.
00:53I'm going to Maximini.
00:55She said, if you go, then you will hurt it.
00:58But I came here to hurt myself because I love you, man.
01:03Hold on to it.
01:05Listen, man.
01:06You're so sweet.
01:07This man, since last year, every time I'm in this region, the whole region, he comes to all of my
01:13shows.
01:14He was in San Francisco last week.
01:17He came here.
01:19He's coming to San Jose next week, and he's a horse trainer.
01:25He's the only Persian horse trainer in the world, and he's a very nice guy, and I just wanted to
01:34give you some love, my brother.
01:35And I'm sorry this happened to your mouth.
01:37You know, show me what horse it is.
01:39I'll fuck that horse up.
01:41I don't know if that's a nice thing to say.
01:44I love you, too, man.
01:45Give me a hug, man.
01:47Enjoy the night, yeah?
01:49You brought me a card?
01:51Oh, thank you, man.
01:52Appreciate it.
01:55This guy has the most luxurious mustache in the world.
02:00Really, seriously, your mustache is...
02:02Look, the photographer wants to take a picture of me.
02:06I hired the photographer to take pictures of me.
02:11His mustache is so glorious.
02:14The photographer is like, fuck you.
02:18What's your name?
02:19Farah.
02:20Farah.
02:21And what's your...
02:22Farah's.
02:23Sorry.
02:23Hold on.
02:25Because mustache is so long, the sound goes through the mustache, changes the vibration, and the waves come out.
02:41And what is your occupation?
02:45Locksmith.
02:46That makes sense.
02:48He shows up.
02:49Your door is locked.
02:58That's how strong that mustache is.
03:02That's one of our...
03:03And that's your lady right next to you, yeah?
03:05And, uh, ma'am,
03:07um, how long, uh,
03:08Has it been since the last time you felt your husband's lips?
03:16Farah, it's just hair in my mouth.
03:22Honey, wait.
03:28You like it.
03:31You like it?
03:32You want to make love?
03:33No, not tonight, Farah.
03:36Why?
03:37I don't feel like it.
03:40Let me open your lodge.
03:50Number one locksmith in America, baby.
03:55Farah's in the house.
04:01Japan.
04:01Ah, Japan.
04:03What's your name, my love?
04:05Alisa.
04:06Alisa.
04:07What a nice Japanese name.
04:11Nice to meet you.
04:12And what happened to your life?
04:14I mean, you were in Japan, and now you're in San Jose.
04:16Are you going to school here?
04:17Are you working at a startup?
04:18What's your story?
04:19I do my own startup here.
04:22My own startup here.
04:24Excuse me.
04:27Wow.
04:28What's it called?
04:30Pokemon Power 2?
04:34What is a startup, baby?
04:37It's a seaweed startup.
04:40It's a seaweed startup?
04:43I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
04:47It's like, it's like if the Armenian goes, I have a startup.
04:50What is your startup?
04:51I have a kebab startup.
04:55It's a skewered kebab.
04:58I am doing a startup with a skewered kebab.
05:03For the silicon money.
05:05Okay, okay, stop being ridiculous.
05:07I'm sorry, Alisa.
05:09It's a seaweed startup?
05:12And how does that work?
05:14Like, you're making an app to purchase seaweed?
05:19The medical cup cell, plastic alternative, and then also the beverage, now it sprouts nationwide.
05:28I love you.
05:31I say, nobody understood what you said in the fact.
05:35I promise you, nobody understood.
05:36Let me ask the white people.
05:39Did you understand what she does?
05:41Please explain.
05:43Very healthy seaweed drink from sprouts.
05:45Very, very healthy seaweed drink from sprouts.
05:49Is that what you do?
05:51Oh, shit, you got it right.
05:54Goddamn.
05:55I didn't hear, I heard a cup, a seaweed, a juice factory.
06:01Well, Alisa, I love Japanese.
06:04I love your culture.
06:06I'm really into sushi and chopsticks.
06:09And I love soy sauce.
06:12I put it on my body every morning.
06:19Alisa, what's your Japanese name?
06:22Alisa is really Japanese.
06:24It can be in English and then also Japanese, too.
06:27I'm like, oh, listen, don't do that shit.
06:31Like your parents, you came out of the situation and they were like, oh, look, Alisa.
06:38You're like, Alisa.
06:42There's a Japanese name, Alisa.
06:46I'm like Alisa.
06:49Why Alisa?
06:51Alisa was my grandma's name, Alisa.
06:55You're right.
06:56It's Japanese.
06:57I like it.
07:01So you're a Persian guy, yeah?
07:03You're dating this wonderful, beautiful white girl, yeah?
07:07German?
07:08Super white.
07:10Not regular white.
07:12So white, other white people are like, Goddamn, she's white.
07:17She's an untied white person.
07:20She follows the rule white person.
07:23You understand?
07:24Good, wonderful.
07:26And what's your name?
07:27Grace?
07:28But you were raised here, yeah?
07:30You didn't go,
07:30I'm like, Grace, bitch.
07:37Okay, Grace.
07:38Wow.
07:39This is so nice.
07:40It's not new.
07:41You've been dating Tavish for a while, yeah?
07:44Okay, wonderful.
07:45How long?
07:47Six months.
07:48That's such a long time.
07:53That's adorable, ain't it?
07:56Look at the guy with the mustache.
08:00His mustache is older than your entire life.
08:11When he said six months, this guy was like, I have a pubic hair older than both of you.
08:21Grace and Tavish.
08:22And so, have you met the Persian parents?
08:25Yes?
08:26You met them recently or like in the beginning?
08:29In the beginning.
08:30So, he's a very Americanized Persian kid and the family is very Americanized.
08:35It's like, mom and dad, I have a beautiful white German girlfriend.
08:39I'm bringing her home tonight.
08:41And they're like, why?
08:46Because I love her.
08:48You sure?
08:49You really love her?
08:51Yes, I love her.
08:52What do you love about her?
08:54Is that kind of close?
08:57Okay, let me...
08:58Scenario number two.
09:00That's not what happened.
09:02Mom and dad, I'll bring you my white German girlfriend home.
09:05Boy, don't worry.
09:07I don't love her at all.
09:08I just want to use her.
09:10I will never marry her.
09:12Don't get nervous.
09:15Is that what happened?
09:20You got to pick one of the two.
09:22There is no third option.
09:26Third option.
09:27Okay, third option.
09:28Third option.
09:30Mom, dad, I'm bringing my white German girlfriend home.
09:33Boy, because I want you to know I'm not gay.
09:40Third option.
09:42Hey, where you at, bud?
09:44Hey, you want me to keep going with more options?
09:49You better pick an option now.
09:55I have a guy here who's so special.
09:58This guy has got such a big heart.
10:00He's been coming to every single show.
10:04No matter what city I am,
10:06he's been following me from city to city.
10:08And I just noticed he's sitting here too, man.
10:11I love you, dude.
10:12Come here.
10:13Come here.
10:13Everybody give you a round of applause.
10:16Come, dude.
10:17This guy is very unique.
10:19I love you, man.
10:20I love you, too.
10:21Come on stage with a quick.
10:22Everybody see you.
10:23So he came to my Fresno show.
10:25I saw him there.
10:27He brought me flowers.
10:28I met him.
10:29And then, look at this guy.
10:30He's a Persian cowboy.
10:35So I love Max.
10:37And in California,
10:39no matter what,
10:40wherever he is,
10:41I go.
10:42And I love him.
10:46Thank you, man.
10:47I got a ticket for Fresno.
10:50The night before I come,
10:52a horse kicked my face.
10:55And I got these stitches from my lifting machine.
10:58And then I went to the hospital.
11:00And then the doctor did the stitches.
11:03And she said,
11:05no laughing hard,
11:06no sweating,
11:07nothing.
11:08I said,
11:09no shit.
11:10I'm going to a comedy show tomorrow.
11:12She said,
11:13if you go,
11:13you are going to fuck up.
11:14And I said,
11:15no matter what,
11:16I will go.
11:17I went to the show.
11:22I laughed hard.
11:24And after that,
11:25I fucked my lips.
11:26So then,
11:30the day that she said,
11:31come and I will open it,
11:33I went there.
11:33And my lip was this big
11:35because of infection.
11:36He said,
11:36holy shit.
11:38And I was on the bed.
11:40It was open.
11:41And she said,
11:42I'm curious,
11:42who's the comedian
11:43for this show
11:44that you would go
11:45all the way from LA to Fresno
11:47and San Francisco
11:49and here.
11:50And then I said,
11:52his name is Max Amini.
11:57Guys,
11:58a quick change of plan.
12:00We're going to take the money
12:01we raised for charity.
12:02We're going to give it to him
12:04for a new operation
12:05for his lips.
12:07Then,
12:07then,
12:08then my lips are open.
12:09I'm sleeping on the bed.
12:11I'm bleeding.
12:12She tells her assistant,
12:13bring my phone
12:14and open up Max Amini
12:15and play one video.
12:16The assistant
12:18plays the first video.
12:19The video is about
12:20the Indian guy
12:21named Suck Dick.
12:25My lips are open.
12:26I'm bleeding.
12:27They watched the video twice.
12:30And I said,
12:31I'm so happy
12:32you didn't stitch my dick.
12:34But,
12:35she said,
12:36this Max Amini
12:38worth it
12:38that you go
12:3910 more times.
12:46give a big round
12:48of applause,
12:48man.
12:49It's for me.
12:54That story
12:55was hilarious,
12:56dude.
12:58Oh,
12:58my God.
12:59I came from
13:00L.A.
13:01for you.
13:01My horse
13:02is waiting outside.
13:05The difference
13:06between ordinary
13:08and extraordinary
13:09is just doing
13:10that little extra.
13:12That's why
13:13you are extraordinary
13:14to me.
13:15Please
13:16tell
13:17Tony Parts,
13:18God bless,
13:19horse
13:25you're awesome,
13:26dude.
13:26Love you.
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