Chappelle's Show changed comedy forever ππ₯ Created by and starring Dave Chappelle, this groundbreaking sketch comedy series delivered unforgettable characters, sharp social satire, and some of the most quoted comedy moments in television history. A true comedy classic that remains influential years later.
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:23Man, thank you guys. Thanks, man
00:30What's up, everybody?
00:32Yo, what's up, man?
00:35Thank you guys, man. Shoot.
00:44Oh, man, y'all got me like...
00:46You got me touched tonight.
00:50I would actually cry, but the reefer has dried my eyes out.
00:57You know, I wish my grandmother could see me.
00:59My grandmother gave me the best advice of my life.
01:03She said, you know, Dave, everybody wants to be the first person to do something.
01:07But let me tell you something.
01:09Don't ever be the first black person to do anything.
01:17Because anytime you hear about the first black dude that did something, it's a terrible story.
01:23No matter how benign.
01:26Imagine.
01:27Like, who was the first black person to take a shit on a white toilet?
01:34Well, we did some research, and I think you'll be surprised at what we found.
01:41Good evening. I'm Philip Halston.
01:44In 1954, the United States was marred with unrest.
01:49With the bus boycotts in Montgomery and Brown versus the Board of Education still under deliberation,
01:56the social climate was changing rapidly.
01:59It was in this context that one man, Cyrus Halloway, made history when he took on the rural town of
02:08Hartsfield, Alabama.
02:11I remember it was a hot day, and I was working a double shift at the steel mill.
02:18Between shifts, I went outside and bought myself a roast beef sandwich from a boy that used to send them
02:24out front.
02:27Little did I know that that roast beef sandwich would change my life forever.
02:33Not long after lunch, I felt a bubbling, a stubborn, an evil bubbling.
02:40A bubble that, to me, signified nothing else but the early stages of mud butt.
02:48I had to take a dump.
02:50I had to take a dump immediately.
02:53The closest colored bathroom was located in the basement of the steel mill near the boiler room.
02:59Oh, that toilet was disgusting.
03:03It wasn't fit for Christian butt cheeks.
03:06My only options at that time were I could either go doo-doo in my trousers, which I couldn't do.
03:14That was my only good pay at the time.
03:17Or I could use the white restroom.
03:20It was risky, but so was mud butt.
03:23Mr. Holloway proceeded to go to the white restroom
03:26and take what would be known as one of the most significant dumps in American history.
03:31After the historic dump began, one of Holloway's co-workers, Austin Stringer, entered the restroom.
03:38He immediately called the local police, who were being followed by a television crew.
03:45There he is, officer.
03:47Get out of there, Holloway.
03:49With all due respect, I got the mud butt.
03:53While I was on that toilet, the sick dog was on there.
03:58Sprayed me with water.
04:00Oh no, this mud butt!
04:04Finally, I just let them haul me off the table.
04:09Book them.
04:11Desecration of a white facility with Negroid feces.
04:15Here's your evidence.
04:18I can make about three, four more bags of that if you want, sir.
04:23Cyrus was charged with using a white rest facility and faced nine years in prison.
04:28Word spread quickly around Hartsfield and the nation at large.
04:32Civil rights activists throughout the United States descended on this tiny Alabama town almost immediately.
04:38My brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to discuss matters of the cocky dookie and the stinky stinky.
04:51I have a question to pose to the government.
04:55Why can't my turd float next to y'all?
05:00Our voices will be heard!
05:03It was the first and largest demonstration of its kind.
05:07The nation's first shit-in.
05:10No, my brothers and sisters, do not run.
05:12Turn your butt cheeks toward the aggressors.
05:15And let them clean your butt cheeks with the cascading morph.
05:18This is a good thing, my brothers and sisters.
05:21The shit-in made national news.
05:23The American Legal Society picked up the case and took it all the way to the Supreme Court.
05:34The case of Holloway versus the state of Alabama, the Supreme Court rules in favor of Mr. Holloway.
05:47It's my opinion that no matter what the color of your skin, your feces will be brown.
05:56Except for the clay-colored ones and, of course, the spinach green.
06:00And no matter what the hue of your poo, it will undoubtedly stink.
06:08Good day.
06:11By the time they read that verdict, my butt, my butt was calling.
06:16I suppose I was happy about winning.
06:19I think what I was most happy about was that I could get up from that courtroom and use the
06:25toilet.
06:25How you doing, Miss Pippa?
06:27I just remember going in that bathroom and taking the first free dump that I'd ever taken in my life.
06:37Beautiful dump.
06:39As a matter of fact, the choir from my church came.
06:42Well, I'm gonna lay down my burden.
06:45Down by the river side.
06:48Down by the river side.
06:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:51Down by the river side.
06:53I'm gonna lay down my burden.
06:56Down by the river side.
06:58I'm gonna study war no more.
07:05It is all just a matter of the sticky-stay-key and the cocky-dooking.
07:13I'm Philip Holston.
07:15Good night.
07:16Well, I'm going to study war no more.
07:21We'll be right back with more Chappelle Show after these messages.
07:38Hello and good evening.
07:40It's me.
07:41What?
07:42It's me.
07:43What?
07:44It's me.
07:45Little John.
07:47Okay!
07:48I feel lonely.
07:50I feel like I just need to talk to someone who will understand and, well, that someone is you, John.
07:56Okay!
07:57Don't you like popsicles?
07:59What?
08:00I said, don't you like popsicles?
08:01What?
08:02I said, don't you like popsicles?
08:04Yeah!
08:04What?
08:06Yeah!
08:07Okay!
08:08Sometimes I feel like I am all alone in this world and I have no one to go to.
08:14What?
08:43What?
08:44Have you ever given yourself a stranger?
08:46What?
08:47A stranger.
08:48Yeah!
08:48Yeah!
08:49Yeah!
08:50Okay!
08:51Yeah!
08:52Hold on.
08:53They kind of owning me.
08:57Little John?
08:58It's Oprah.
08:59How are you?
09:00Good.
09:01Listen.
09:01I'm pregnant.
09:08Are you sure it's mine?
09:09I'm sure.
09:10It's yours.
09:11Ah!
09:11Skit!
09:12Skit!
09:12Skit!
09:13I love you.
09:14Okay!
09:14Bye-bye!
09:17It was Oprah.
09:20She was having our baby.
09:22Yeah!
09:23I can't hear you.
09:23My cell phone's breaking up.
09:25I can't hear you.
09:26Sounds like your phone is breaking up.
09:28What?
09:28What?
09:29What?
09:30What?
09:32What?
09:33What?
09:35What?
09:36What?
09:36Okay!
09:37Yeah!
09:38Yeah!
09:38Yeah!
09:39What?
09:40What?
09:40Okay!
09:41Yeah!
09:42Affirmative.
09:42Huh?
09:43Raza?
09:44Yeah!
09:45What?
09:46Melt them down!
09:47Bye, nigga!
09:49You've just watched The Moment in the Life of Little John.
09:54Hey, gang, we're gonna take a quick commercial break.
09:57Don't go anywhere.
10:03And I'm bored.
10:05I gotta go to the Super Bowl show.
10:07Hey, everybody.
10:08Welcome back.
10:10Welcome back to the show.
10:13You know, I've talked about a lot of things on the show.
10:17I've made fun of so many different people.
10:19And people say, Dave, you talk about everybody except the president.
10:23Why didn't you do that?
10:24Well, because he's the president.
10:27And I know my limits, ladies and gentlemen, and I wouldn't want to cross it.
10:31But I will say this.
10:34If our president were black, we would not be at war right now.
10:38Not because a black person wouldn't have done something like that.
10:41Just because America wouldn't let a black person do something like that without asking
10:45them a million questions.
10:47You know, they always do polls like minorities just don't seem to trust the government.
10:52Because you don't understand what it looks like for us.
10:55So let me help paint the picture.
10:57Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you now Black Bush.
11:03President Bush continues to make his case for an invasion of Iraq.
11:06After carefully examining the region, me and my cabinet agree that that area is definitely
11:11ripe for regime change.
11:12All right.
11:13But if I can be real about it.
11:14Be real, son.
11:15Real?
11:16Be real, real, son.
11:17Try to kill my father, man.
11:19What?
11:19And play that shit.
11:20Say a word.
11:21He tried to kill your father, son.
11:22That nigga tried to kill my father!
11:24Word to everything we love we're coming to see y'all, son.
11:30Meanwhile, President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair offered a spirited explanation
11:34for a possible war with Iraq.
11:36This nigga very possibly has weapons of mass destruction.
11:39I can't sleep on that.
11:41Not on my watch.
11:42That's not how I roll.
11:43That shit is serious.
11:44Now, if you don't want to take my word for it, why don't you ask Tony Blair?
11:48He got a whole nother self-intelligence.
11:49What's up, Tony?
11:50We don't know much about this man.
11:53We can't trust random niggas with things like that, as George so eloquently put it.
11:58I'm with him 100% of the way.
12:01We don't know what he has.
12:05If the United States goes to war with Iraq, will it first have to provide evidence that
12:10Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction?
12:13So far, the UN has found nothing.
12:16But President Bush counters with this.
12:19The nigga bought aluminum tubes!
12:21Do I need to tell you what the fuck you can do with an aluminum tube?
12:26Aluminum!
12:28That don't scare you?
12:29Fine.
12:30I don't even want to say this.
12:33The motherfucker bought some yellow cake.
12:35Okay?
12:36In Africa.
12:37He went to Africa, and he bought yellow cake.
12:39Are you sure?
12:40Yes, I'm sure, bitch!
12:41I got to take the CIA right here.
12:43He'll tell you!
12:44Are you sure?
12:46Are you sure?
12:47I can't believe this motherfucker.
12:49What do you say?
12:50Ridiculous.
12:51Me and Jeb just coming back from Africa.
12:54Cradle of fuckin' civilization.
12:57And this nigga out here buying yellow cake.
12:59From the motherland.
13:00Are you sure it was yellow cake?
13:02Y'all niggas don't believe me.
13:04I got some yellow cake right here.
13:05Look, you see?
13:06You believe this shit now?
13:07Don't drop that shit!
13:08You know I know what to do with it.
13:10But I got it wrapped up in this special CIA knackin'.
13:13Don't drop that shit.
13:14Yeah.
13:15Yeah, hope I don't drop this shit!
13:16Pray to God you don't drop that shit.
13:18Yellow cake.
13:19You're fuckin' right.
13:22A sensitive accusation for this administration is the theory held by many that the real reason
13:27the U.S. is so interested in toppling Sodom is control of the oil that Iraq is sitting
13:33on.
13:33What about people who say you're only interested in the Middle East for oil?
13:37What?
13:38Huh?
13:39Oil?
13:40Who said some of my oil, bitch?
13:42You cookin'?
13:47Come on, y'all get out of here!
13:50President Bush met with U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan and made it clear the U.S. will
13:55act even if the U.N. is reluctant.
13:58U.N., you have a problem with that?
14:00You know what you should do?
14:01You should sanction me.
14:02Sanction me with your army.
14:04Oh!
14:05Wait a minute!
14:06You don't have an army!
14:07I guess that means you need to shut the fuck up!
14:09That's what I'd do if I don't have no army.
14:11I would sh-fuck up.
14:13Shut the fuck up!
14:15That's right!
14:16Kofi Annan, you think I'm gonna take orders from an African?
14:18You might speak 16 languages, but you're gonna need them when you in Times Square selling
14:22fake hats.
14:23I know Gucci when I see it, nigga.
14:24I'm rich.
14:25I got a coalition of the willing.
14:28I got 40 nations!
14:30Ready to roll, son!
14:32Like who?
14:33Who the fuck said that?
14:35Huh?
14:35Huh?
14:36Like who?
14:38England.
14:39Japan's sending PlayStations.
14:42Stankonia said they are willing to drop bombs over Baghdad.
14:46Riggedy-row is coming!
14:48Africa bombarding the Zulu nation.
14:49That means I am not doing this by myself, and I'm not disrespecting the U.N.
14:56even though they don't got no armor.
14:58Go sell some medicine, bitches!
15:02Trying to get that all-ah-ho!
15:09The U.S. fired the opening salvo in the war on Iraq with at least 40 Tomahawk cruise missiles
15:14and precision-guided bombs, centering on Baghdad.
15:19Good evening.
15:20Tonight, President George Bush is on board the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln off
15:25the California coast.
15:26It will be the site of what is essentially his victory speech in the war against Iraq.
15:33Ahem!
15:34What did I say?
15:35I'm not gloating, but what did I say?
15:37Did I not say that we would win that shit?
15:39We rocked them bambles!
15:40We rocked them!
15:41Nigga, you see me coming on that plane?
15:42Shhh!
15:45Shhh!
15:46Shhh!
15:46Shhh!
15:48For the second straight day, these hardline Iraqis protested the American presence here.
15:54Mr. President, when do you think they'll hold general elections in Iraq?
15:58Damn!
15:59I knew I shouldn't have called on this nigga.
16:00I shouldn't have called on you because you're always trying to distract motherfuckers
16:03with things like the war and skirt all the real issues.
16:08Gay people are getting married, folks.
16:09Yes.
16:12Nasty!
16:13Imagine that.
16:14Two women touching on each other's titty balls.
16:18Wrestling them.
16:19Gently stroking those nipples till they get just so stiff and erect.
16:25Blowing on her.
16:29Beautiful.
16:32Men, barbecue.
16:34I like you.
16:34I like you too, dawg.
16:36Let's get married, man.
16:37It's crazy!
16:39What about your real life?
16:40That shit is gross!
16:45Mr. President, Mr. President, sir, how do you explain the continual upheaval in Iraq,
16:50even after the capture of Saddam Hussein?
16:53Why are you doing this, man?
16:55I thought you was my black brother.
16:57Why are you asking me questions like that?
16:59Fine, I'll answer your stupid-ass question.
17:01Here's how I feel about Iraq.
17:02I feel like you guys keep trying to distract people with Iraq when I'm focusing on other things.
17:07Namely, the moon.
17:09Yes, I said it.
17:10The moon.
17:11Can't be distracted.
17:13What's going on with the war?
17:14What's wrong with the economy?
17:15Stop worrying about that.
17:16I got that shit under control.
17:18Just focus on space, nigga.
17:20The United States of space.
17:22Because I ain't stopping at the moon.
17:24Write this down.
17:26M-A-R-S.
17:29Mars, bitches.
17:30That's where we are going.
17:32Mars.
17:32Red Rocks!
17:33Yay, yay!
17:42We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
17:44Don't go nowhere.
17:45We'll be right back with more Chappelle shows.
17:54Turn on your TV.
17:56What you gonna see?
17:59Ladies and gentlemen, make noise for OutKast-owned Big Boy.
18:06Matches like this, second row, white, too. Mother-fucking-hot.
18:10Give me the back sword.
18:15Newport in second row, boy.
18:19MoreΓ³dia we're not.
18:20Went to grab, honey-a-as-a-as-a-a-as-a-as-a.
18:21Got it, big back to you.
18:22I shot out, I'm alone.
18:24Cause my baby mama left me...
18:25there's nobody at home.
18:27Messenger of Kim Crow quem Δn to Yaleiguess.
18:27Beginning to feel like Mr. Jackson done got cloned.
18:29But there's some real shit and I'm living it through this song.
18:32A move in giver, clip my family.
18:33As I slept out on the sofa and the boo-boo
18:35I woke up very upset
18:36I throw the covers back and peep out through the graperies
18:38My daughter, my baby, my baby mama all escaping me
18:41Like a candle in the wind, she was my friend
18:43My princess died before she died, before we tried to try again
18:45But in the end, you pay attention to the pluses
18:48But the minuses behind it make it seem like you can't win
18:50Throw your neck down
18:52Throw your neck down
18:54Throw your neck down
18:56My neck and my neck
18:57Throw your neck down
18:58This is dedicated
18:59Throw your neck down
19:00To that special lady
19:01Throw your neck down
19:02That I'm paying $3,000 a month for that baby
19:06You know what your name is
19:09Crown Jew
19:09A single parent with a spank to do
19:11Throw a party, not Harley
19:12I'm trying to stay up out of that womb
19:13I'm F-U-S-S-U
19:15I say this
19:16Luther Vagra couldn't make a home
19:17I just stopped that we switched
19:18Snatched, put to the limit
19:19Snatched and turned to timid
19:21And everyone was suffering
19:22The house was feeling wicked
19:23The cat got old
19:24The gal got old
19:25The food got cold
19:26Both of our tempered
19:26What was whole
19:27For the most part
19:28The bucks fight for
19:29You bid it up to break it down
19:31And take it from the start
19:32Repeatingly
19:32Leading the path
19:33That only ends in the class
19:34The two stubborn minds
19:35Grown foes blind to the
19:37Throw your neck down
19:39Throw your neck down
19:41Throw your neck down
19:43Throw your neck down
19:45Come on
19:46And throw your neck down
19:47Yeah
19:48Throw your neck down
19:50Yeah
19:51Throw your neck down
19:53Throw your neck down
19:54Throw your neck down
19:55Throw your neck down
19:56K-O
19:57Not that my technicality
19:58The lovers kiss the canvas
19:59Now my whole family gets mad at me
20:01My daughter don't want me
20:02That's her PGA meetings
20:03And then my son he can't talk
20:04When I change him
20:05He's peeing
20:05I think he's pissed
20:06Can't dismiss the matter of the fact
20:07Because you saw me and you arguing
20:09Now the energy's coming back
20:10Set an example
20:11Of positive pattern
20:11Key like on track
20:12When I'm married to the
20:13And committed to the wax tapes
20:15And CDs
20:16Baby please
20:17You make me wanna scream
20:19You're on my team
20:20Star team
20:21First string
20:22So why are we arguing
20:23Say
20:24Let me say
20:24A-C-T-D
20:25Baby please
20:26You make me wanna scream
20:28You're on my team
20:30Star team
20:30First string
20:31So why are we arguing
20:33Throw your fucking neck down
20:38I'd like to thank my guest
20:40Big boy
20:41And I'd like to thank
20:44Each and every one of you
20:45For being here
20:46And everyone at home
20:47For supporting the show
20:48It's been an amazing season
20:50We love you
20:51We thank you for it
20:53We shut up the world
20:55I'm out
21:00Rich biatch
21:02Hi thank you
21:04Who do you know in Iraq
21:06Go ahead and say
21:07The war is over
21:08The war is over
21:09Blah blah blah
21:10You know who this is
21:12Antoine Fisher
21:13He's still here
21:14He's still standing
21:15He's still strong
21:16Just like America
21:18Antoine take a bow
21:20Some brave teachers
21:22Big up to you teachers
21:23There's a milkman in the house
21:25What's popping
21:26Rocksteady Cruz in the house
21:28Crazy legs
21:29What's up my nigga
21:30Do you do you administratively
21:31And even if you want to
21:34See you
21:35And if you want to
21:36Can be
21:36Who's up my nigga
21:36Hall
21:36Although you
21:39AδΈη₯ι
21:40Can
21:40be Share
21:41Have
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