- 9 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:09and in spite of all she'd heard
00:00:11Sally was quite unprepared for the sight that met her eyes
00:00:14as she looked out of her tent on this first morning in paradise camp
00:00:18everywhere she looked, happy campers went about their everyday tasks
00:00:23unencumbered by clothing, unembarrassed and unashamed
00:00:27so this was paradise
00:00:30how beautiful it seemed to her
00:00:32how unlike her past holidays in Bournemouth
00:00:37suddenly Sally's shyness and natural timidity vanished
00:00:40and forgetting all about her strict convent training
00:00:43she stepped out from her tent as naked and free as nature intended
00:00:49that's quite enough of that, thank you
00:00:51what's the matter with you?
00:00:52you told us this film was all about camping
00:00:54well it is, there's a tent, sonny
00:00:55not what you're looking at
00:00:57if you're going on a camping holiday it only makes sense you should find out what it's all about
00:01:01well a flat lot you're going to learn from this
00:01:03as a matter of fact I'm making a mental note of all the equipment they got
00:01:06yes, especially hers
00:01:08shh
00:01:08setting out to explore paradise
00:01:11Sally's first stop was at the tennis court
00:01:13where four sun-bronzed campers were playing a mixed doubles
00:01:18oh god blimey
00:01:20you won't see nothing like it at Wimbledon, open or not
00:01:23I tell you, if one of those men turn around, I'm walking straight out of here
00:01:27what's the matter, Enth?
00:01:28don't you like tennis?
00:01:30I feel sick
00:01:31I don't blame her, honestly, I don't know where to look
00:01:34I do
00:01:36close your eyes, Enth, and I'll tell you when to open it
00:01:38I don't want to close my eyes
00:01:40I just want to go
00:01:41I know just how she feels
00:01:43it's disgusting, that's what it is, disgusting
00:01:45what are you talking about, disgusting, it's artistic
00:01:48artistic?
00:01:48certainly
00:01:49with all those big bottoms bobbling about all over the screen
00:01:52oh, you wouldn't think anything of it if we were walking around like that all the time
00:01:55free, unfettered, unashamed
00:01:57oh no
00:01:58I suppose you'd rather we sat here all stark naked
00:02:01wouldn't bother me
00:02:01it would if your ice lolly fell in your lap
00:02:04you know what's the matter with you, you're a prude
00:02:06if you don't mind, we're trying to hear back here
00:02:08oh, sorry mate, if I'd known that, I'd have spoken a bit louder
00:02:12in another part of the camp, a party of carefree young people were just starting off on a bicycle ride
00:02:18hey look Ant, that fair girl at the end, she's got a saddle just like mine
00:02:23that's what I mean by being unfettered, they don't bother with trouser clips
00:02:26while in front of the canteen, a group of men were benefiting from a PT class
00:02:31rhythmically bending over to touch their toes
00:02:33oh dear
00:02:37that does it
00:02:39Anthea was right, we should have gone to the sound of music
00:02:40you've seen that before
00:02:41I've seen all of that before too
00:02:43shhh
00:02:43oh shut up
00:02:44come on Anthea, are you two coming as well?
00:02:46wait a minute, let's see the end
00:02:47I've seen enough ends already, thank you
00:02:49come on Anthea
00:02:56I suppose we'd better go with them Sid
00:02:58no
00:02:59excuse me
00:03:00they make you sick
00:03:02they just don't appreciate culture
00:03:05and so to the swimming pool
00:03:07where all the prettiest young girls in the camp were the sporting
00:03:11ahhhhhh
00:03:12good
00:03:12how are we here?
00:03:16ahhhhhhh
00:03:32i've been doing this
00:03:32god
00:03:32that's not that good
00:03:59Hello, darling.
00:04:01Oh, no.
00:04:01Hello.
00:04:02Hello, Peter, darling.
00:04:03I'm just checking on the camping gear.
00:04:04So I see.
00:04:06Have a good day.
00:04:08Oh, not bad.
00:04:09Got drunk at lunchtime, then went to a strip club and finished up in bed with a popsy.
00:04:13Oh, look.
00:04:15There was a hole in this tent flat.
00:04:16Yes.
00:04:17The goat ate its way in last year.
00:04:19Oh, yes, I remember.
00:04:20He was after your bedding.
00:04:21Yes.
00:04:22That's right.
00:04:22He even left a deposit on it.
00:04:27Oh, poor Peter.
00:04:28We had a good laugh about that, though, didn't we?
00:04:30Yes, you did, didn't you?
00:04:31That's what I love about camping.
00:04:33Such fun, always.
00:04:35Did you have a good day?
00:04:37Not bad.
00:04:38Oh, no.
00:04:38The chap came into the office with a pound of opium, and we smoked it, and we spent the
00:04:42afternoon in a harem.
00:04:43Oh, Peter, I've been thinking we ought to try Devon again this year.
00:04:46We had such a marvellous time there last time.
00:04:48I've been thinking, too, darling.
00:04:50Oh, that marvellous little camping site near Stoats Hollow.
00:04:53Do you remember?
00:04:53Harriet, please listen to me.
00:04:56I'm listening, dear.
00:04:57What a funny thing to say.
00:04:58I've been thinking about this holiday, and I was wondering if, possibly, you know, just
00:05:03once, we might go abroad somewhere.
00:05:07A brood.
00:05:09Camping.
00:05:11Oh, nothing so luxurious as that.
00:05:13I thought we might, we might rough it in some four-star hotel.
00:05:17Oh, no.
00:05:18No, no, no, no.
00:05:19You wouldn't like that.
00:05:20Sleeping in strange beds, eating oily food, and using all those peculiar toilets.
00:05:26Well, the toilets we have to dig out at camp aren't exactly the last word.
00:05:30Oh, but they're all ours.
00:05:33Yeah, well, it's just that I, I think I may be getting too old for it.
00:05:39Oh, don't be silly, Peter.
00:05:41You mark my words, you'll die under canvas.
00:05:44That's what I'm afraid of.
00:05:46No.
00:05:46You always enjoy your camping holiday, and you're jolly well going to have one.
00:05:49You're just tired.
00:05:50Perhaps you had a bad day at the office.
00:05:52No.
00:05:52No, no, no, no.
00:05:53I met this chap who'd just come back from camping in Scotland, and his wife was ravished by wild haggis,
00:05:58and now they're expecting a little faggot.
00:06:01Oh.
00:06:02Yes?
00:06:03We mustn't forget to take a good supply of toilet paper this time.
00:06:06You know what happened last year?
00:06:08Yes, we had nothing to write to your mother on.
00:06:28there Ah.
00:06:28Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:06:38Oh, no, no.
00:06:39You're so you must do that.
00:06:41Please, everyone.
00:06:43That's not doing that.
00:06:48Oh.
00:06:49Please, sir.
00:06:51You must do that.
00:06:52Please, sir.
00:06:53Oh.
00:06:55Stop it.
00:06:55What on earth is the meaning of this?
00:06:58I'm sorry, Mr. Short. The gentleman kept touching things.
00:07:02That's quite right. You see, I've been bursting to know what it's like inside a tent.
00:07:06I see. All right, Miss Dobbin, I'll attend to this customer.
00:07:09Thank you, sir.
00:07:12Splendid girl, and so helpful. Do you know she's been showing me how to stick the pole up?
00:07:17Quite.
00:07:18I take it, sir, you're interested in purchasing equipment?
00:07:21Oh, rather. I've always been interested in camping.
00:07:24But since I've never done it before, I thought I'd go to the very best place for advice.
00:07:29Quite so, sir. So you came here?
00:07:31Well, yes. You see, the best shop was closed.
00:07:34I can assure you, sir, that we can supply absolutely everything essential for a really successful camping holiday.
00:07:39Oh, but I need everything.
00:07:42Are you going alone, sir?
00:07:43Why? Do you supply that too?
00:07:47This way, sir. Please.
00:07:49Yes, of course.
00:07:53See, let's get back to work.
00:07:54Oh, come on. We're only going to ask them where this paradise camp is.
00:07:58Yeah, but they'll know it's nudist, and it'll be embarrassing.
00:08:00What are you talking about embarrassing?
00:08:01Like going into a chemist's shop for something, finding a young girl serving you, and coming out with a tube
00:08:05of toothpaste.
00:08:06Oh, so that's it. I wonder what you were doing with all those tubes in your cupboard.
00:08:09No, it's not that. Besides, you'll never get Joan and Anne to go to a place like that.
00:08:14How long have we been taking them two out?
00:08:15About three months or so.
00:08:16Exactly. And where's it got us?
00:08:18I've kissed Anne.
00:08:18Huh? And what did that lead to? She was sick.
00:08:20Yeah, but that's because I've been eating pickled onions.
00:08:22Let's face it. We are lumbered with two birds with prohibitions.
00:08:25You mean inhibitions?
00:08:26I mean prohibitions. They just won't allow us.
00:08:28Oh, the same. You can't take them to a place like that.
00:08:31Listen, if we can get those two birds to paradise camp, all that freedom, back to nature, all that guff,
00:08:36do you think they can keep on holding out? Never.
00:08:37Yeah, but how are you going to get them to go there?
00:08:39Don't tell them. Come on.
00:08:41No, hold on a minute. I can't go to a nudist place.
00:08:44Why not? Other people do.
00:08:46Maybe, but not people like us.
00:08:48What's the matter with us? We've got three legs or something?
00:08:50It's not that. When I'm on holiday, I like to relax.
00:08:53Oh?
00:08:54And when I relax, I like to put my hands in my pockets.
00:08:57You can relax with your hands behind your back, can't you? Prince Philip does all right, doesn't he?
00:09:00Not with nothing, aren't he?
00:09:01How do you?
00:09:02Look, you make it sound like it was something shameful to go into a nudist camp.
00:09:05I tell you, it's the most healthy, natural thing in the world.
00:09:09Can I help you, sir?
00:09:11Yes. As a matter of fact, my mate and I were wondering if you could...
00:09:16Yes?
00:09:18Well, we were looking for...
00:09:21Yes?
00:09:23Uh, two bit toothpaste, please.
00:09:25We don't sell toothpaste, sir.
00:09:29Aspirins?
00:09:32I'll take one of these, then.
00:09:34See?
00:09:37Here.
00:09:39That's it.
00:09:40That's it.
00:09:41Come on.
00:09:51caminho.
00:09:53Oh, let's go.
00:09:55Go.
00:09:57Oh.
00:09:59Oh.
00:10:00Oh.
00:10:01Oh.
00:10:02Oh.
00:10:03Oh.
00:10:05Shh.
00:10:06Oh.
00:10:06Oh, my house.
00:10:09Oh.
00:10:10Oh oh.
00:10:17You seem to call me a car, you old bitch!
00:10:22Look out! The hag's coming!
00:10:41Stand up, girls.
00:10:44Good evening, Miss Haggert!
00:10:47Carry on, girls.
00:11:03Hurry up.
00:11:07Ah, Matron, what can I do for you?
00:11:10I'm sorry to trouble you, Dr. Soper,
00:11:12but I've been thinking about this camping trip
00:11:14for the girls that have to remain with us during the holiday.
00:11:16What about it?
00:11:17Well, I was wondering whether it really was such a good idea.
00:11:20Perhaps you're forgetting, Nathan, it was my idea.
00:11:22Oh, no, no, no, and of course it is.
00:11:24An absolutely splendid one.
00:11:26But...
00:11:27But what?
00:11:28Well, I was wondering whether...
00:11:29perhaps they might find it a trifle spartan.
00:11:32I mean, there being such delicate and refined girls.
00:11:43Oh!
00:11:45Use your place, boys, in five minutes.
00:11:48The point I'm really trying to make is that here I can keep full control over them.
00:11:53But outside, well, anything might happen.
00:11:56You seem to be forgetting, Miss Haggard.
00:11:58You're coming with us.
00:12:00Surely you and I together can keep suitable control.
00:12:02I was thinking about the girls.
00:12:05So am I.
00:12:07Oh.
00:12:07But don't you see, it raises the problem of sex.
00:12:11Oh, sure, you matron, I wouldn't dream of bothering you in that way.
00:12:15And I meant with the girls.
00:12:16They're liable to come into contact with boys.
00:12:19Oh, yes, but I don't think that'll be a problem.
00:12:22It's been my experience that once young people somble the delights of country life
00:12:27and the wonders of nature, they just can't get enough of it.
00:12:31Exactly.
00:12:32I was thinking of a girl.
00:12:33So was I.
00:12:34Exactly.
00:12:35Well, I do hope you're right, Dr. Soper.
00:12:37Oh, yes, yes, I assure you me.
00:12:39But I take the point you made earlier.
00:12:41Yes, these girls have led very sheltered lives.
00:12:44They don't even know what boys are.
00:12:52I suggest you give them a little talk on the subject.
00:12:55Oh, nothing too frightening.
00:12:56Just stick to the birds and the bees,
00:12:58with a possible reference to the behavior of monkeys.
00:13:01Well, I'll try, Dr. Soper.
00:13:03Good, good.
00:13:04If any of them feel any unnatural urges
00:13:08or the desire to do something they shouldn't,
00:13:09well, send them straight to me.
00:13:11You?
00:13:11Yes.
00:13:12Well, I was thinking about the girls.
00:13:14So was I.
00:13:21You're not wearing that.
00:13:22What?
00:13:23That hat.
00:13:23Oh, sorry, dear.
00:13:24Force of having.
00:13:33Ah, that's the ticket.
00:13:35Come on.
00:13:35Let's get our packs on.
00:13:38And off we go.
00:13:41There.
00:13:42How do I look?
00:13:43Like an old mailbag filled with unwanted parcels.
00:13:47Splendid.
00:13:47Shall I drive?
00:13:48Why not?
00:13:49You always do.
00:13:49Good.
00:13:50Come on.
00:13:50Let's take a look.
00:13:56Let's take a look.
00:14:10I want a new bag.
00:14:11I want a new bag of that man.
00:14:12I want a new bag.
00:14:15Look at that.
00:14:16Come on.
00:14:16Good.
00:14:18Ok.
00:14:19Let's take a look.
00:14:20Not a word to the girls about where we're going.
00:14:22It's a mysteriolity.
00:14:23They're bound to find out the minute we get there.
00:14:25Yeah, be too late, buddy.
00:14:27We must just act as surprised as they are.
00:14:29I won't need to act.
00:14:31Sid.
00:14:32Yes?
00:14:33Well, we have to take all our clothes off.
00:14:35Can't we keep something on?
00:14:36Don't worry.
00:14:37I thought of that.
00:14:43Go on, finish it up.
00:14:44You're not going anywhere without a good breakfast inside you.
00:14:46I am finishing it up, Mum.
00:14:48More bacon and tomatoes, Anthea.
00:14:50Oh, no, thank you, Mrs. Fussy.
00:14:51I had coffee and toast before I left home.
00:14:53You won't get a proper lunch, not if I know those two.
00:14:55They're only after one thing, they are.
00:14:57Oh, look, for heaven's sake, Mum, I've told you we know how to look after ourselves.
00:15:01Oh, yes, 33 and still not married.
00:15:03If that's not taking care of yourself, I don't know what is.
00:15:05I'm playing hard to get with Sid.
00:15:08What's the matter with you?
00:15:10I choked.
00:15:11It'll save me the trouble.
00:15:13Honestly, Mum, the way you talk, anyone will think I didn't want to get married.
00:15:16I know what you want.
00:15:18I also know what Sid wants.
00:15:20What's that?
00:15:21Since you asked me to put it into words, he wants to eat his cake and have it.
00:15:24And he's certainly going the right way about it, taking you off on a camping holiday.
00:15:27Look, Mum, I know Sid's been around, but he's not going to find me easy meat.
00:15:31Me neither.
00:15:32Well, you're not even meat.
00:15:34Bernie's nice, though.
00:15:35He is if you get him away from that Sid.
00:15:37He's a bad influence on him, if you ask me.
00:15:39We aren't.
00:15:40Well, I think you're making it too easy for him going camping.
00:15:43Look, Mum, I wish you wouldn't treat Sid as if you hated his guts.
00:15:46But I do.
00:15:47That's just it.
00:15:47I do.
00:15:48I know.
00:15:49And you're not making it any easier for me, either.
00:15:51It's all going to be quite proper and above board, I can assure you.
00:15:55Sid's got two tents for us.
00:15:56Yes, and I know what happens to people once they get in them.
00:15:58I went with your father once and he went berserk.
00:16:01I tell you, after that experience, I'd never have married him.
00:16:04If I hadn't had to.
00:16:05Oh, do shut up, Mum.
00:16:07Oh, here they are.
00:16:10Hello.
00:16:11All set?
00:16:11Yeah.
00:16:12Give us a hand with the luggage, will you?
00:16:13Don't you get here all right?
00:16:14Yeah, she's just finished breakfast.
00:16:15Morning, Mrs. Fassie.
00:16:16Hello.
00:16:17Hello.
00:16:18Oh, blimey, we're not immigrating, you know?
00:16:20Well, it's only clothes.
00:16:22Oh, you won't need clothes where we're going.
00:16:27What do you mean, we won't need clothes?
00:16:30It means you won't need a lot of clothes.
00:16:31You know, just a pair of shorts, swimsuit.
00:16:33Oh, no, I'm not having a go without plenty of woolies.
00:16:36Not with her funny kidneys.
00:16:37Oh, do stop that, Mum.
00:16:38There's nothing wrong with my kidneys.
00:16:40You know perfectly well a chill goes straight to them,
00:16:42just like your father.
00:16:43Always on the trot he was.
00:16:45Oh, give over for heaven's sake.
00:16:46They can run around half naked if they want.
00:16:48But you're keeping woolies next to your essentials,
00:16:51and that's final.
00:16:51All right, all right, Mrs. Fassie.
00:16:53We'll get it all on somehow.
00:16:54I'm sorry if I brought too much, Bernie,
00:16:56but I have to keep covered up in the sun.
00:16:58That's right.
00:16:58Anthea's got a funny skin.
00:17:00Get away.
00:17:07But with her funny skin and Joan's funny kidneys,
00:17:10it's got to be a bleeding hilarious holiday.
00:17:11If she can't take her clothes off in the sun,
00:17:13well, shut up, shut up, shut up!
00:17:21And don't go drinking none of that well water.
00:17:23You never know what people have done down wells.
00:17:25Yes, all right, Mum.
00:17:26And go easy on the tin food.
00:17:27You don't want any of that trouble.
00:17:29Not with your funny tummy.
00:17:30Funny tummy, too.
00:17:31You ought to be on the telly.
00:17:32She can't help having sensitive parts.
00:17:34Oh, look, for goodness sake,
00:17:35can't we get going?
00:17:36Nearly ready.
00:17:37You get in.
00:17:38All right, Anthea,
00:17:39are we taking your tablet?
00:17:40Yes.
00:17:41Tablet?
00:17:42Yes, Anthea gets car sick.
00:17:43What, a big, strong, healthy girl like her?
00:17:45Never.
00:17:47Come on, then.
00:17:49And don't forget,
00:17:50if you have to use any strange watsits,
00:17:52put plenty of paper down first.
00:17:54Oh, isn't it off?
00:17:55Come on, come on, Bernie.
00:17:56Let's get cracking.
00:17:56That should all be all right.
00:17:58Yeah, that's it.
00:17:59Well, tell her, Mr. Fussett.
00:18:05Just a minute.
00:18:06Yes?
00:18:06I just wanted to warn you.
00:18:08I don't want to hear of any unnecessariness
00:18:10when my Joan gets back.
00:18:12Unnecessariness?
00:18:12You know what I mean.
00:18:13What makes you think that's unnecessary?
00:18:16It's no laughing matter.
00:18:17They might think your intentions are honourable,
00:18:19but personally,
00:18:20I've got sore misgivings.
00:18:21You want to put some talcum powder on them.
00:18:24Very funny.
00:18:25But you stick to your own tense,
00:18:26that's all.
00:18:27Oh, Mum, really?
00:18:28It's not as if she'd got a ring on her finger, you know.
00:18:31She hasn't got one through her nose, either.
00:18:33Oh, come on, let's get going.
00:18:38Oh, my God.
00:18:43There's three large tents for the girls.
00:18:45One for me, one for Miss Haggard,
00:18:47and bunks and bedding,
00:18:48all the ramps and bedding in here.
00:18:54Get a load of that.
00:18:55Whoa!
00:19:00Good morning, Dr. Sofa.
00:19:02Are we all loaded?
00:19:03We all are.
00:19:05Oh, is that our driver?
00:19:06Yes, Mr. Tanner.
00:19:08He can call me Jim.
00:19:09Hello, Jim.
00:19:11Are you going to stay with us all the time?
00:19:13Oh, yeah.
00:19:14I'll go all the way.
00:19:15Oh, I'll bet you do.
00:19:17That'll do, that'll do.
00:19:18All right, girls, get in the coach and we'll get on with the loading.
00:19:20Barbara, dear, do you think you're quite suitably dressed for travelling?
00:19:24Oh, but so we were told to bring the minimum of clothing.
00:19:26Yes, but in your luggage, not on your person.
00:19:29Oh, it's all right.
00:19:30I've got a minimum in me luggage, too.
00:19:32Yeah.
00:19:33So I see.
00:19:34But I don't think it's proper for a young lady to show her legs to that extent.
00:19:38What extent?
00:19:38They go up too far.
00:19:41My legs?
00:19:42Oh, they only go up to me.
00:19:43Due to your shorts.
00:19:44Oh, yes.
00:19:49What a rear-wheel drive, eh?
00:19:52Yes, fascinating the way it's...
00:19:53What?
00:19:55Absolutely disgusting.
00:19:56I can't think what Matron had in mind when she allowed it.
00:19:58I shall certainly speak to her when...
00:20:02Good morning, Dr. Sofa.
00:20:03Miss Haggard, I really must pretend...
00:20:09Something wrong, Dr. Sofa?
00:20:11No, Matron, nothing.
00:20:13Nothing at all.
00:20:24How are you feeling now?
00:20:25It's better?
00:20:26Yeah.
00:20:27That's it.
00:20:28If you ask me, you should never have had those bacon and tomatoes for breakfast.
00:20:31Oh.
00:20:32Oh, look, now you've done it.
00:20:34Me?
00:20:34What have I done?
00:20:35Why'd you have to bring up bacon and tomatoes again?
00:20:37I didn't, she did.
00:20:38Oh, dear.
00:20:39I'm not stopping again.
00:20:41Now, look, don't be so hard that she can't help feeling sick.
00:20:43She's always like this on long distances.
00:20:46Long distances?
00:20:47She was off before we reached the end of your road.
00:20:49You better do something quick.
00:20:51Paper bag, that's the answer.
00:20:52Yeah, I know what you can do with it.
00:20:53Put it over her head.
00:20:54Try those.
00:20:55She'll never get it in that.
00:20:56It's to sniff at you fools.
00:20:58Smelling salts.
00:20:59Quick.
00:21:04Oh, great smelling salts there.
00:21:06What is it?
00:21:07Essence of bacon and tomato.
00:21:09Oh, look, Sid, it's no good.
00:21:12We'll have to find a place.
00:21:13We're in the middle of the blooming country.
00:21:14There aren't any places.
00:21:15Well, she'll have to go behind her head.
00:21:17Stop the car.
00:21:18No.
00:21:33I say, look what's in front of you.
00:21:37I am looking.
00:21:40What a ghastly sight.
00:21:43You can say that again.
00:21:45Keep off the road.
00:21:47Keep off the road.
00:21:49Why, what have you done, madam?
00:22:03Oh, I wonder if you could help me.
00:22:06Am I on the right road to Salisbury?
00:22:07Yes, but it's quicker if you go through the fence and across the plain.
00:22:11Oh, thank you very much.
00:22:14What's a nice girl like you doing with an old cow?
00:22:17I'm taking her to the bull.
00:22:18To the bull.
00:22:18Oh, couldn't your father do that?
00:22:21No, it has to be the bull.
00:22:22It has to be the bull.
00:22:27All right, now, pay attention, girls.
00:22:29Owing to our rather prolonged stay at Stonehenge,
00:22:32I have arranged for us to stay the night at a hostel
00:22:34and then go on to the campsite tomorrow morning.
00:22:37Any questions?
00:22:38Come on, Babs, I dare you.
00:22:40Yes, please, Dr. Sober.
00:22:43What is it, Barbara, dear?
00:22:45Please, sir, at Stonehenge,
00:22:47I heard an American gentleman say
00:22:49that all those stones were to do with fertility rights.
00:22:53What are they?
00:22:54Ah, fertility rights, yes.
00:22:57Well, that's easily explained, my dear.
00:22:59You see, in those days,
00:23:00there were very few cattle and horses about
00:23:04and men had to purchase the right to gather the fertilizer.
00:23:08Hence the term the fertility rights.
00:23:11Oh, I see.
00:23:12Aren't I silly?
00:23:14I thought it was something to do with having babies.
00:23:17No rest period.
00:23:19What fine talk you must have given them on the birds and the bees.
00:23:22Well, I'm sorry, doctor,
00:23:24but when I started talking about them,
00:23:26I suddenly realized I hadn't the foggiest idea what they did.
00:23:30Well, what do they do?
00:23:31Bees stinks.
00:23:41We'll have a quick nosh-ups, then we'll get the tent up.
00:23:43I think this is a lousy spot to pick.
00:23:45Perfect, isn't it?
00:23:47Just smell that air.
00:23:49Ah!
00:23:50Something up.
00:23:51Oh, just a thistle, that's all.
00:23:54Ha, ha, ha.
00:23:55Ha, ha.
00:23:56Oh, poor Peter, you're always in trouble.
00:23:58Here, have a hard-boiled egg to get on with.
00:24:00Ha, ha.
00:24:01Oh, isn't this wonderful?
00:24:03So much better than dirty, stuffy old London.
00:24:07Funny thing about dirty, stuffy old London.
00:24:10I can walk for miles and miles
00:24:11without ever getting bitten, stung or stepping into something.
00:24:14That's more than I can say with a country.
00:24:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:24:17Ha, ha, ha.
00:24:20What was that?
00:24:21Only a towel.
00:24:23Look, it's over there.
00:24:25Are you absolutely sure that's a cow?
00:24:27Of course I'm sure.
00:24:28I should know.
00:24:29I used to milk them when I was little.
00:24:30Well, I wouldn't try milking that one.
00:24:32It's only got one tap.
00:24:34Oh, yes.
00:24:36I believe that is a bull.
00:24:37Ha, ha, ha.
00:24:38Fancy that.
00:24:40No, I don't.
00:24:41Not in the least.
00:24:42Don't have to worry about them.
00:24:43They only go for something red.
00:24:46Ha, ha, ha.
00:24:48Ooh.
00:24:49Perhaps we'd better move.
00:24:51I'll open the gate.
00:24:52You bring the things.
00:24:53Come on.
00:24:59Hurry, Peter.
00:25:01Hurry.
00:25:03Hurry.
00:25:05Ah!
00:25:10Peter.
00:25:11Peter.
00:25:12Peter, darling.
00:25:13Are you all right?
00:25:15Fine, fine.
00:25:19Would you pass the salt, please?
00:25:23Peter, Peter.
00:25:27Oh.
00:25:37Look, you said we'd be there by five.
00:25:39It's nearly six.
00:25:40I was reckoning without your friend, Miss Throw-Up 1969.
00:25:44According to the map, we should be quite close to it.
00:25:46Close to what?
00:25:47Where are we heading for?
00:25:48What are the...
00:25:49Joan!
00:25:50Coming!
00:26:07I knew I shouldn't have eaten those radishes.
00:26:12I say, Peter, do you remember we stayed overnight in this spot before?
00:26:18When I got bitten in the middle of the night.
00:26:21That's right.
00:26:22By a mosquito, wasn't it?
00:26:24Well, it wasn't you.
00:26:25They always seem to fancy you.
00:26:27What you need is a repellent.
00:26:30Thanks.
00:26:30I've married one.
00:26:33We could do with some milk.
00:26:34Look, there's a farm round here where we got some before.
00:26:38Where I got some before?
00:26:40No, I'm wrong.
00:26:41I remember.
00:26:42You went by yourself.
00:26:43And on the way back, you fell into a silage pit.
00:26:47Oh, we have had some fun, haven't we?
00:26:54Yeah.
00:26:57I'll get the milk.
00:26:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:27:23Yes?
00:27:24Hello.
00:27:25I've had a spot of bother with my tent,
00:27:27and I wondered whether you could let me have a room for the night.
00:27:30Oh, did you?
00:27:31I suppose you want me to say yes,
00:27:33but you'll have to share it with my daughter, eh?
00:27:35I expect you've heard that one about the traveller who stopped at the...
00:27:38I've not only heard it, I've had it.
00:27:41Come in here.
00:27:41Oh.
00:27:43Here, girl.
00:27:44Is this the one that is responsible?
00:27:47What, that?
00:27:48You must be joking.
00:27:50Here, have you ever been with my daughter before?
00:27:52Actually, no.
00:27:53Oh, but if the offer's still home...
00:27:55Never mind.
00:27:55Just get out and don't come back.
00:27:57Oh, all right.
00:27:57I'm sorry to have knocked you up.
00:27:59Yeah, is that meant to be funny?
00:28:01No, why?
00:28:01Because it was a passing tramp like you that got her into trouble.
00:28:04Oh, you don't say.
00:28:05Nothing serious, I hope.
00:28:07Get out!
00:28:08Get out, unless you want my 12-4 of your backside.
00:28:12Father, you can't go on attacking every man that comes here.
00:28:15Just give me his name.
00:28:16That's all I want out of you, his name.
00:28:18I can't.
00:28:20I never knew his name.
00:28:22All that money I spent on a posh education trying to make a lady out of you,
00:28:25and you haven't even got the manners to ask,
00:28:28with who am I having the pleasure?
00:28:44Good evening, sir.
00:28:45I was wondering if I could have some milk.
00:28:46Milk, is it?
00:28:48Yes.
00:28:48I came here once before, you know.
00:28:51Oh, you did, eh?
00:28:52Yes.
00:28:53But you weren't here, though.
00:28:55Just a young lady.
00:28:56And she gave me a bit.
00:28:58Oh, she did, did she?
00:29:01Yes.
00:29:01And it was very nice, too.
00:29:04That's why I've come back for some more.
00:29:05Oh, you've got a nerve.
00:29:08Oh, don't misunderstand me, please.
00:29:10I'm quite willing to pay for it this time.
00:29:13I'll kill you!
00:29:14Oh, you!
00:29:25Bourgeois!
00:29:26Ha!
00:29:33Peter, what's the matter with you?
00:29:36Nothing.
00:29:36I've been shot in the backside, that's all.
00:29:39You've...
00:29:39What?
00:29:41Shot.
00:29:42Where?
00:29:43In the backside.
00:29:46Much.
00:29:49You have a look, will you?
00:29:58Must be around here somewhere.
00:30:00Oh, look, for heaven's sake, why don't we just stop anywhere and put the tents up?
00:30:03We can't just stop anywhere.
00:30:04You've got our proper facilities.
00:30:05Well, we've managed without facilities all day, haven't we?
00:30:09How's Queasychops?
00:30:10Oh, she's having a whale of a time.
00:30:12You've only to look at her to see that.
00:30:13You only asked.
00:30:15Look!
00:30:18That's it.
00:30:20Paradise?
00:30:21Where have I heard that before?
00:30:23Must have been in church.
00:30:24No, it wasn't that.
00:30:26Oh, is this the special place you've been looking for?
00:30:28That's right.
00:30:29No, no, nothing special.
00:30:31But we'll try it if you like.
00:30:32But see, this is the place we've been...
00:30:34Don't be so selfish, Bernie.
00:30:36Think of the poor girls.
00:30:37We've never had enough for one day.
00:30:38We'll take a chance, shall we?
00:30:39We'll take a chance...
00:31:03you the owner of this site now where is he gone for a pee out here he comes down
00:31:15excuse me yes can i help you yes we'd like to camp here who do we have to see me
00:31:23i'm the owner
00:31:24josh fiddler oh how do you do mr fiddler i'm boggle this is mr lug hello you're not members
00:31:29then do you have to be members i'm afraid so i'm trying to keep this place select you know it's
00:31:34not like some of these campsites it's more what you might call a show place we know all about that
00:31:40don't we how much is it to be a member then pound pound you all right then per person each
00:31:47but there's
00:31:48four of us bernie it's all right bernie we don't want to argue with mr fiddler two three four that's
00:31:55correct now then gentlemen your members cards thank you all right shall we go then yes anytime
00:32:01you want to book in here just show them look we want to come in now now yes but you
00:32:05haven't booked
00:32:05have you look don't tell me you're full up well i might be able to squeeze you in but uh
00:32:10you should
00:32:11have paid the booking fee booking fee which is a pound pound per tenth two tenths two pounds now can
00:32:21we
00:32:21come in certainly as soon as you paid the rent rent in advance but you've had six quid out of
00:32:25us
00:32:26already bernie it's all right bernie what about the rent then mr fiddler well my usual charge per
00:32:32week yes yes which is pound i know it per tenth or per person whichever's the greater i don't know
00:32:41if anybody ever told you but your name certainly suits you thank you now can we come well there is
00:32:49just one more thing what welcome to paradise bernie well then do we strip off now eh do we take
00:32:59our
00:32:59clothes off now oh no there's no worry for that let's uh let's have a good look around first see
00:33:03what the form is yeah but if they're all stripped off and we go in fully dressed everybody's gonna
00:33:07stare at can't start now they'll get suspicious
00:33:14well lucky we managed to get in then you can just turn around and manage to get out again
00:33:19what are you talking about you heard me you filthy beast filthy beast what have i done now look don't
00:33:26you come the innocent with me sid boggle it's a good job anthea woke up she remembers paradise
00:33:31all right it was in that disgusting film you took us to see oh is that what that camp was
00:33:35called
00:33:36it's a coincidence eh ben well yeah i want to go home don't worry dear we're going we're not
00:33:42staying here to flaunt our persons in public it has cost us 10 to get in here and in we
00:33:46are going
00:33:47don't look anthia oh it's all right anthia you can look it's really rather nice
00:34:12oh yes it's lovely oh come on then let's get out and put the tents up shall we you stay
00:34:17right
00:34:18where you are we're not stopping in this lousy dump what
00:34:24is this it then oh yes bruschen's hut toilet hut camp shop doesn't seem very full does it oh well
00:34:32you're lucky you see i had a couple of cancellations that's why i was able to squeeze you in
00:34:36well before you start squeezing why are these people all sitting around with their clothes on
00:34:41well it's the camp rule all visitors will be respectfully dressed at all times
00:34:46at all times well of course i can't have people walking around here naked i've got my hands to
00:34:52think of doesn't take much to put them off their lane and it doesn't take much to put me off
00:34:55mine
00:34:56i'm very sorry mr philip we've come to the wrong place we can't stay here
00:34:58ah please yourself right so if you just give me the money money
00:35:01i'm very sorry it's a camp rule no money's returnable yeah but if you don't give me that
00:35:06money i'll club it what's all the fuss nothing nothing i was just telling mr philip here that
00:35:09you girls don't want to stay here oh that was before we saw it it's lovely isn't it anthia
00:35:12yes lovely well that's all right then isn't it yeah it's lovely
00:35:20take too long putting your tents up if i were you wouldn't surprise me if we'd never drop a rain
00:35:27you want to open your big mask oh you two get in the car and me instead of four map
00:35:43hurry up girls come along now pick up your luggage
00:35:47and here we are girls welcome to ballsworth youth hostel corridor e rooms 15 to 22 all the girls will
00:35:55have to share oh not you of course matron you'll be in room 19 thank you very much not at
00:36:01all i'm
00:36:02sure no one will disturb you yes come along girls hurry up now all paired off each girl make a
00:36:08pair
00:36:08all make a pair that's right what's the matter sally please sir i don't seem to have a pair
00:36:16i wouldn't say that dear you see there's 11 of us oh yes that's true i hadn't thought of that
00:36:21that
00:36:21is most awkward oh she can have my room i beg your pardon well i'm on my own she can
00:36:27have it if she
00:36:27wants oh yes i suppose that would appear to be the only solution all right sally you take room 17
00:36:34yes sir thank you it's all right anytime it's all right come along dear they'll be sharing with me room
00:36:4116.
00:36:42uh
00:36:49find where you're cooking that give me a pig
00:36:57all right bring it in
00:37:19Oh, oh, still a minute, Peter, please.
00:37:23Ah, that's better.
00:37:27Got it.
00:37:29Is that a lot?
00:37:30No, just one more.
00:37:32Now hold still.
00:37:35That's it.
00:37:39That's better.
00:37:40Now get your clothes on, we'll have a nice hot cup of tea.
00:37:56Is anyone there?
00:38:00Oh, hello.
00:38:03Good evening.
00:38:04Oh, you poor thing, you're soaked.
00:38:06Yes.
00:38:07It's been raining, you see.
00:38:09Come inside.
00:38:10Come inside.
00:38:11Come inside.
00:38:11Come inside.
00:38:12Come inside.
00:38:13Come inside.
00:38:16Move up.
00:38:17Move up.
00:38:19Peter.
00:38:20Move up.
00:38:25Hello.
00:38:26Feeling better?
00:38:28Yes.
00:38:28Yes, thank you.
00:38:29Here.
00:38:30Get those things off.
00:38:31Oh, please.
00:38:31Come on, Peter.
00:38:32Give the poor old chat a hand.
00:38:33Will you?
00:38:34Yes, if you could just get the plaque off.
00:38:37Nearly off.
00:38:38No, wait a minute.
00:38:38That side.
00:38:39That side.
00:38:39No.
00:38:40That's it.
00:38:40Thank you very much.
00:38:48Oh, you're all wet.
00:38:50Oh, don't worry about that.
00:38:51Peter doesn't mind a drop of water.
00:38:52No, I love it.
00:38:53Oh, by the way, I'm Harriet Potter and this is my husband, Peter.
00:38:57How do you do?
00:38:57How do you do?
00:38:58My name is Muggins.
00:38:59Charlie Muggins.
00:39:00That doesn't surprise me.
00:39:02I lost my tent, you see, and I've been searching around looking for somewhere to spend the night.
00:39:06Oh, dear.
00:39:07You're miles from anywhere here.
00:39:08Yes.
00:39:08Why not stay the night here?
00:39:10May I?
00:39:11Yes.
00:39:11No.
00:39:12I mean, that is, I mean, Mr. Muggins hardly knows us.
00:39:14I mean, we don't want to embarrass him.
00:39:16Well, you're not shy, are you?
00:39:17No.
00:39:18Well, of course you're not.
00:39:19After all, with us it's just down to the old undies and into the bag, isn't it, Peter?
00:39:23Well, perhaps Mr. Muggins doesn't like watching people getting stripped down to their old undies and getting into their bags.
00:39:29Oh, I don't mind.
00:39:30That is, if you and your husband don't wish to be alone.
00:39:34What on earth for?
00:39:38Oh, I see what you mean.
00:39:45Oh, we gave up all that sort of thing years ago, didn't we, Peter?
00:39:49Yes, you did, didn't you?
00:39:52I still have my little cot with me, if you're sure there's room for it.
00:39:56Yes, of course.
00:39:57Put it up the middle.
00:39:59Peter will give you a hand to get it out, won't you, dear?
00:40:01Oh, gladly.
00:40:07That's it.
00:40:09Now...
00:40:10Whoa.
00:40:12Ahh!
00:40:13Uhhh!
00:40:14Whoa!
00:40:16Whoa!
00:40:17Whoa!
00:40:18Foot!
00:40:21quarrel, agghhh!
00:40:23Ah!
00:40:25Ah.
00:40:26Whoooo Shah!
00:40:31look, how much longer are you going to be?
00:40:33Nearly finished.
00:40:35Well, you said that nearly an hour ago.
00:40:37That's it, Bernie. Get the beds.
00:40:39Righto.
00:40:57I'm terribly sorry. Here, let me.
00:40:59No, no, no, me nighty.
00:41:01What?
00:41:01Me nighty.
00:41:02Me nighty.
00:41:08Mr. Tanner.
00:41:10Oh, well, I fell over her and accidentally pulled it off.
00:41:14Well, I'm quite sure Barbara's big enough to put it back on herself.
00:41:16Oh, yeah, she's big enough, all right.
00:41:19Oh, no.
00:41:20I mean, good night.
00:41:23You two get to bed. I'll deal with you in the morning.
00:41:29I'll fix the old bag someday.
00:41:31Give us a hand.
00:41:33Back to room 16.
00:41:34And don't hog the bed.
00:41:37Dr. Soper's coming.
00:41:39Yeah, I've got an idea. Come in.
00:41:41from here.
00:41:48Off to bed, boys now, girls. Get a good night's sleep.
00:41:51Yes, Dr. Soper, the same to you.
00:41:53Thank you. Good night.
00:42:00Matron, this is the men's.
00:42:02Go away, Dr. Silverman.
00:42:03I'm sorry.
00:42:08No, Matron, I assure you the mistake is yours.
00:42:11It's quite clearly marked.
00:42:15Dr. Silverman, I must confess I'm not an expert in these matters,
00:42:20but I hardly think a shower stall is a suitable place for making advances.
00:42:24I thought I got hold of the shower tap.
00:42:26I mean...
00:42:27Oh!
00:42:28But maybe should I...
00:42:33Come on, girls. Everything's ready for you.
00:42:41Oh, it's lovely and cosy, isn't it, Auntie?
00:42:44Lovely.
00:42:45Worth waiting for, won't it?
00:42:46Beds all made up.
00:42:47There's a light and hangers for your clothes.
00:42:50That's in case you want to go out.
00:42:53And that's in case you don't.
00:42:56Well, you have done it nice and there's so much room.
00:42:58Yes.
00:42:59You can get four in there easy.
00:43:02If you had to.
00:43:04Yes, well, let's put up the other tent.
00:43:06Oh, look, do you have to?
00:43:07I mean, you're soaking wet already and it started to rain again.
00:43:10Well, we've got a kip somewhere, haven't we?
00:43:12Yes, I suppose so.
00:43:15What's a drop on pleurisy, anyway?
00:43:17Good night.
00:43:17Night, Bernie.
00:43:18Hey, wait!
00:43:19Look, I've had an idea.
00:43:20Yes?
00:43:21Well, it seems silly to get wet through again putting up the other tent.
00:43:24That's exactly what we thought.
00:43:25So?
00:43:26So, why don't you both sleep in the car?
00:43:40Would you, would you please stop barging?
00:43:43I'm sorry, I'm trying to get my sock off and I can't find the top.
00:43:45I'm afraid that's my leg, Mr. Malkins.
00:43:47Oh, I'm sorry.
00:43:49It's my fault.
00:43:51It's too close.
00:43:52Would you, would you, would you?
00:43:54Would you mind, please?
00:43:56Why, I couldn't help it.
00:43:57It's so difficult here.
00:43:58It'll be much better when I, when I get my pants off.
00:44:04Mrs. Potter, you're getting mine off.
00:44:07Oh, good heavens, I'm terribly sorry.
00:44:09Terrible, terribly sorry.
00:44:10There's so little room in here.
00:44:11Oh, there you go.
00:44:12Oh, there you go.
00:44:14There you go.
00:44:15Oh, just a minute.
00:44:17Oh.
00:44:18You keep pushing.
00:44:19Would you, why, where?
00:44:20Would you, where?
00:44:21Would you please get out of my pyjama?
00:44:24I can't.
00:44:25What?
00:44:26Mr. Malkins.
00:44:26I'm sorry.
00:44:28Oh, it's my fault.
00:44:29Oh, what's happened?
00:44:31Oh, Mr.
00:44:31Mr. Malkins, please.
00:44:33You've made a mistake.
00:44:34No, it's, please.
00:44:34No, I know you didn't, really.
00:44:36Terrible fun, can't I?
00:44:37No.
00:44:37Keep it yourself.
00:44:38Yes, of course.
00:44:39I've got my own, you see.
00:44:46Oh, there you are.
00:44:47That's not the other bed, that's the rubber dinghy.
00:44:50Eh?
00:44:50Real bargain, that was.
00:44:51Self-inflating and all.
00:44:52What do we want a self-inflating rubber dinghy for?
00:44:54We'll need it when we get to the beach.
00:44:56If we get much more to this rain, we'll need it here.
00:44:58Get your sopping clothes off my bed.
00:45:01Get up.
00:45:01Sorry.
00:45:03Evening.
00:45:09Try this way.
00:45:10Turn over here.
00:45:11Ah.
00:45:12That's it.
00:45:13Well done, that's fine.
00:45:15You'll be all right there, Mr. Malkins.
00:45:17I only hope I didn't disturb you too much.
00:45:19Oh, no, not at all.
00:45:20Well, good night all.
00:45:22Night.
00:45:24Good night, Mrs. Potter.
00:45:30Excuse me.
00:45:31I think you'd better have my cot.
00:45:33I'll sleep in the middle.
00:45:35All right.
00:45:50You've got my sleeping bag.
00:45:51You are kind.
00:45:52You're kind.
00:46:09Good night.
00:46:09Good night.
00:46:12Good night.
00:46:13Good night.
00:46:20Girls.
00:46:22Get back to your room.
00:46:23I want no more trouble tonight.
00:46:25Yes, Virgin.
00:46:26I agree.
00:46:36You stay here and keep walking.
00:47:10Move over!
00:47:17Dr. Soper!
00:47:24Bless you.
00:47:26And you.
00:47:35Bernie, it's raining.
00:47:37Hang on a minute.
00:47:44Have a good take, let's get some sleep.
00:47:46I'm ready.
00:47:47What about the light?
00:47:51What are you doing?
00:48:04Oh, come on out and quick answer.
00:48:05It's a smashy day.
00:48:06Oh yes, it's lovely.
00:48:08Where are the boys?
00:48:18What do you want to do that for?
00:48:23Right, let's go.
00:48:24Darling, is it quite fair on Mr. Muggins to leave you like this?
00:48:27Yes, now stop talking and get out of here.
00:48:46Oh, there you are. Good morning girls.
00:48:48Good morning Dr. Soper.
00:48:49Well hurry up now, the coach is waiting.
00:48:51Sorry you busted in on you like that last night, sir.
00:48:54Hope we didn't ruin things for you.
00:48:56Not at all.
00:48:57It was just a misunderstanding over the room numbers, you understand?
00:48:59Of course, sir.
00:49:00I wonder how it could have happened if the doors were all marked so clearly, sir.
00:49:04Yes, well no harm done.
00:49:05I was only in there for a bit.
00:49:06Of course, sir.
00:49:07No harm in a bit now and then.
00:49:11Good morning, Matron.
00:49:12I was just explaining to the girls about last night.
00:49:15Oh, please don't say anything more.
00:49:17I fear I owe you an apology.
00:49:20Oh, not at all, Matron.
00:49:21You won't know I was in the wrong room.
00:49:22Oh no, please.
00:49:23I have been thinking about it.
00:49:25I should never have screamed out like that.
00:49:28It was most immature of me.
00:49:30Oh, I wouldn't say that.
00:49:31What?
00:49:32You see, I've always led a very sheltered life.
00:49:35And before this, no man has ever tried to force his attentions on me.
00:49:40I can well believe it.
00:49:41All the same.
00:49:42But I am not a child.
00:49:43I am aware that a man has these uncontrollable urges from time to time.
00:49:49Only at Christmas and bank holidays.
00:49:51I should really feel very flattered that you would want to release them on me.
00:49:56Oh, but I don't, Matron.
00:49:57I assure you.
00:49:57Oh, I realize, of course, it was the sight of me in the shower that aroused your slumbering manhood.
00:50:05Oh, but it wasn't slumbering.
00:50:06It was only half an hour.
00:50:07No, please don't say any more.
00:50:09Just be patient with me.
00:50:12Remember, I am inexperienced in such things.
00:50:17Just don't rush me.
00:50:19I think you'll find it's worth waiting for.
00:50:24I say it's Christmas, but you won't find me stuffing your turkey.
00:50:34Well, if this is paradise, give me hell.
00:50:36Oh, look, I will if you don't stop moaning.
00:50:38Well, what have I got to be cheerful about?
00:50:40Well, I thought we might book up and come and get next year.
00:50:42Over my dead body.
00:50:43Well, to tell you the truth, me and Anthea, we were a bit worried, weren't we, Anthea?
00:50:46Yes.
00:50:47Worried?
00:50:48What about?
00:50:50Oh, it's silly, I know.
00:50:51But, well, you know, we thought all sort of coming camping together.
00:50:54You two boys might have tried it on.
00:50:57That's funny.
00:50:57Sid and me thought that, didn't we?
00:50:59Did we?
00:51:00How do you do?
00:51:02Hello, Mr. Fiddler.
00:51:03What's this, then?
00:51:05Caught coals, have you?
00:51:06No, no, no.
00:51:07Just giving our feet some air, that's all.
00:51:09You've, er, settled in all right, then?
00:51:11Yes, very nicely.
00:51:13Look, you didn't say nothing about putting up a clothesline.
00:51:17Oh, er, don't you allow them, then?
00:51:19It's just that it takes up so much space.
00:51:22That's why we have to make a small charge.
00:51:25Small charge?
00:51:26Ah, now, look, just a nominal one, mind.
00:51:29Pound?
00:51:29Oh, no, you can put four up for a pound.
00:51:31Get away.
00:51:32You mean to tell me that you will let us put up one clothesline,
00:51:35occupying at least ten feet of empty air,
00:51:37for only five shillings?
00:51:38Ah, no.
00:51:39One, seven and six.
00:51:40Four for a pound.
00:51:41You skimpling.
00:51:42You scavenger!
00:51:48Don't worry.
00:51:48We'll come to some arrangement about the line.
00:51:50Yes, round your blooming neck.
00:51:51Sid, you must not talk to him like that.
00:51:53Quiet, he gets on my wick.
00:51:55Army.
00:51:55Ten quid we spent here.
00:51:56Anybody think the blooming field belonged to him?
00:51:59Sid, my stew!
00:52:04Oh, that's it.
00:52:05Pack up.
00:52:05Pack up.
00:52:06We're getting out of this joint right now.
00:52:08Come on, get this stuff out.
00:52:15I say, thanks most awfully for the lift.
00:52:17That's all right.
00:52:17Come along, girls.
00:52:18Collect your bags.
00:52:20This way.
00:52:22Such charming company, too.
00:52:24I say, could I give something towards the petrol?
00:52:27Well, you could give something for all the food.
00:52:29Oh, but I'd be delighted.
00:52:32Don't mention anything.
00:52:34Now, Sid,
00:52:35Jones says to put some of this ointment on your poor feet.
00:52:37Never mind about my poor feet.
00:52:39Get them tents down.
00:52:39Let's get out of here.
00:52:40Righto.
00:52:44Look at that!
00:52:46What?
00:52:56Don't think much of yours, Sid.
00:52:58Oh, I don't know.
00:52:58If you've got lovely big blue eyes,
00:53:00you can have the one in the blazer.
00:53:08Well?
00:53:10Well, what?
00:53:11Well, are we leaving or not?
00:53:12Leaving? What? A lovely cheap place like this?
00:53:14Don't go tank with cheese.
00:53:15Oh, shut up.
00:53:17Leaving?
00:53:17You must be barmy.
00:53:19You see, frames up first and then canvas later.
00:53:21And there's bedding and bunks by the coat.
00:53:24No, no, Barbara.
00:53:26Tent up first.
00:53:27Bunk up later.
00:53:29Ah, that's it, girls.
00:53:30Very good.
00:53:31You see, frames first and then canvas over later.
00:53:35Oh, excellent.
00:53:36Well done, Matron.
00:53:37Oh, well, it seems a little bit rickety, Doctor.
00:53:40Is it?
00:53:41Yes, well, of course, it's fairly easy to get it up.
00:53:43It's getting it to stay up.
00:53:45That's like kinds.
00:53:46Oh, of course, you haven't pegged it down properly.
00:53:48Oh, of course.
00:53:49You must forgive me, Doctor.
00:53:50I've never done it before.
00:53:52Yeah, so you told me earlier.
00:53:54Excuse me.
00:53:55Oh, Doctor.
00:53:56I suppose you haven't room for me.
00:53:58Room for you?
00:53:59Yes.
00:54:00Well, you see, I happen to have lost my tent.
00:54:01My dear man, these tents are all for young girls.
00:54:04Oh, well, I'm not fussy.
00:54:06Well, I am.
00:54:08Oh.
00:54:08Well, what about the little one at the far end?
00:54:10That, sir, is my habitat.
00:54:12Oh, I do beg your pardon.
00:54:14Do you know I thought of you and she?
00:54:16Certainly not.
00:54:17Oh, in that case, I don't mind sharing with her.
00:54:19Well, you're certainly not fussy.
00:54:22Here we are again, Mr. Fiddler.
00:54:24Welcome back, Mrs. Potter, Mr. Potter.
00:54:26Oh, thank you.
00:54:27Did you get our booking?
00:54:28Ah, yes.
00:54:29Now, about that, Mrs. Potter, I got a bit of a shock.
00:54:32You mean there's no room?
00:54:34Oh, no.
00:54:35I can always manage to squeeze old customers in, all right.
00:54:38Oh.
00:54:38It's just that overheads have gone up so much since you were here last.
00:54:43I've had to.
00:54:44How much more this year, Mr. Fiddler?
00:54:46Bound.
00:54:47Oh, we quite understand.
00:54:49You might.
00:54:50I don't.
00:54:51Just what overheads do you have, Mr. Fiddler?
00:54:54It's only a field?
00:54:54To you, Mr. Potter, maybe.
00:54:57Take that grass.
00:54:58Don't go by itself, you know.
00:54:59It has to be manureed regular.
00:55:02And manure's gone up by £10 a load now.
00:55:05Sounds a real bargain to me, Mr. Fiddler.
00:55:07What is it, second-hand?
00:55:09Mrs. Potter, hello.
00:55:11Mrs. Potter, I'm coming.
00:55:12Oh, look, darling.
00:55:14Look, it's Mr. Muggins.
00:55:16Yeah, well, your problems are solved, Mr. Fiddler.
00:55:19At least you won't have to buy any more manure.
00:55:22Supper's ready.
00:55:23Good.
00:55:23I'm starving.
00:55:24Where are the boys?
00:55:28It's awfully sweet of you to help us like this.
00:55:30Oh, it's nothing.
00:55:31It's a pleasure, isn't it, Ben?
00:55:32Oh, yeah.
00:55:33Especially when you're as well-equipped as you are.
00:55:38Thanks for the compliment.
00:55:39No, I meant with camping equipment.
00:55:42Don't spoil it.
00:55:43You two here on your own?
00:55:45Oh, no.
00:55:45We've got our girlfriend.
00:55:46Ow!
00:55:47Sorry.
00:55:47Were you going to say you've got girlfriends with you?
00:55:50No.
00:55:51We always call them that.
00:55:52They're relations, actually.
00:55:53Aunties.
00:55:54Oh.
00:55:55Well, then they won't mind you being with us, will they?
00:55:58Mine?
00:55:58They'll be tickled pink.
00:56:01Now, remember, girls, the camp perimeter lights go out at 10 o'clock
00:56:05and I don't want to see any of you outside your tents after that.
00:56:08There'll be the usual PT at 7.30, followed by breakfast at 8,
00:56:12and then I'll be taking you all on a lovely nature ramble.
00:56:17Lunch at 1 o'clock and then I'll be giving a lecture
00:56:19on birdsong and the calls of nature.
00:56:23All right.
00:56:24I'll show you once again.
00:56:25You watching?
00:56:25All right.
00:56:26Here we go now.
00:56:26Now you see it.
00:56:27Now you don't.
00:56:28That's it.
00:56:29That's wrong again.
00:56:30I had three kisses, you only.
00:56:33What is going on here?
00:56:35Oh, um, these two gentlemen have been kindly helping us with our tent, sir.
00:56:39That's very nice, I'm sure, but you mustn't let them take advantage of you.
00:56:42Oh, no, we'll try not to, sir.
00:56:43I'm talking to the gentlemen.
00:56:45Oh, you don't want to worry about us, mate.
00:56:46We're only too happy to be of assistance.
00:56:48Very kind of you, I'm sure.
00:56:49But I'd like to see you get everything organized inside the tent.
00:56:52That suits us.
00:56:52I was talking to the girls.
00:56:55Bunks and bedding.
00:56:56Oh, yes, well, Jane's just gone to get hers, sir.
00:56:59It's high time you got yours.
00:57:01And I was talking to the girls.
00:57:04Come on, Fanny, we'd better get cracking.
00:57:13Wait a minute, darling, you don't want to take that.
00:57:15Too heavy for you.
00:57:16You might do yourself an injury.
00:57:17That's all right, I can manage.
00:57:18Can you?
00:57:19Go and get some more for the others.
00:57:23What are you doing in here?
00:57:24Just come to give you a couple of hands, that's all.
00:57:26If Dr Soper sees you here, we'll get into awful trouble.
00:57:29We've just got to make sure he doesn't see us, haven't we?
00:57:39Well, it must go together somehow.
00:57:40Well, hurry up for heaven's sake before someone comes.
00:57:43Perhaps you have to pull something.
00:57:45How about those two things sticking out in front?
00:57:48Yes, how about them?
00:57:51Oh, saucy.
00:57:57Come on, how much longer you're gonna be?
00:58:00Sorry, but it's not gonna work like this.
00:58:03We'll have to try it the other way round.
00:58:04Oh, come on.
00:58:05Stop messing around, you two.
00:58:06Give us a bit.
00:58:07Let me and Bab show you out.
00:58:09What do you want me to do?
00:58:10Can you have hold of this?
00:58:11No, both hands.
00:58:18Oh, it's all right.
00:58:19It's only your aunties.
00:58:30Tsss.
00:58:33Tsss.
00:58:36Tsss.
00:58:45Tsss.
00:58:47Tsss.
00:58:51Tch.
00:58:59Bend, bend, bend, bend, bend, bend, bend, bend
00:59:14And, up, and down, and up
00:59:21and down and down now really touch those toes Barbara and up and rest now let's
00:59:36stride arms flinging from side to side begin and fling and in and fling and in
00:59:45and both arms fling now really let's see those chests come out and fling and in and fling and in
01:00:01matron take them away you were a gentleman you'd close your eyes
01:00:12now that Barbara has fallen out we will continue hands on hips bending from side to side begin
01:00:27that's enough for today now after you've all had a shower and breakfast you'll be pleased to hear
01:00:32I've been able to arrange a lovely outing for you all to the famous mineral drink producing monastery
01:00:37at Standfast where you can actually see the monks making their own water
01:00:42dismiss oh you're up already dear you ready for some breakfast I am did you have a good night
01:00:55oh not bad one of the girls from across the way came over and dragged me out of the tent
01:01:00and took me
01:01:01into the woods afraid it's only eggs this morning mr. muggins finished all the bacon last night
01:01:06how surprising did you sleep well dear not very no see this girl kept waking me up to make love
01:01:12to
01:01:12her poor mr. muggins you know he doesn't need feeding up what's the matter dear do you think it's time
01:01:19mr. muggins got another tent to himself oh darling we couldn't chuck him out like that he's so
01:01:25helpless you mean hopeless you're just a bit grumpy this morning perhaps you had a bad night no not
01:01:32really no mind you it got a bit rough when all the rest of the girls came across and joined
01:01:36us
01:01:36i just couldn't satisfy him you know i wouldn't have minded a bit of that myself you know what that
01:01:43bacon pity
01:01:44he finished it
01:01:50frustrated what do you mean you feel frustrated what did fiddler say to you yesterday when you
01:01:54asked him for some eggs he said he was not getting any exactly six days we've been here now and
01:01:59those
01:01:59birds are dead ready to be friendly oh they're friendly all right mr. fiddler says they're just
01:02:03not lying not the blooming chickens i mean birds and the other fanny yeah that's it maybe if we could
01:02:12get a hold of them yes but how how with those four beady eyes watching us
01:02:22morning
01:02:24howdy girls no dawdling
01:02:30see that they give us a little wave
01:02:32yeah really we don't share the same ablutions
01:02:38yes get your wash things i had a wash yesterday so you'll have another wash today but i'm on holiday
01:02:43oh come on
01:02:44oh
01:02:46this way it goes
01:03:07what are you doing what are you doing we haven't come here to wash but you said i was going
01:03:10to have a look
01:03:39what are you up to
01:03:41babs i recognize the dimples
01:03:44hey babs
01:03:46it's me
01:03:47sid foggle
01:03:50can you hear me
01:03:51only just
01:03:52you'll have to speak up a bit
01:03:55i was wondering if we could meet up somewhere tonight
01:03:58meet where
01:04:00hello
01:04:03sid watch it
01:04:14are you still there
01:04:16are you still there
01:04:24are you still there
01:04:38i thought so
01:04:41disgusting brutes
01:04:44what is it what's the matter
01:04:45some man's been looking at us
01:05:01are you there
01:05:02are you there
01:05:09get out of here quick
01:05:13hello
01:05:14hello
01:05:15filthy beasts
01:05:18disgusting
01:05:18big
01:05:21hey
01:05:27oh
01:05:27oh
01:05:28oh
01:05:31i've had another letter from mom
01:05:33she's worried
01:05:33well what about this time
01:05:35oh the usual
01:05:36i had a nasty dream last night about you and anthea
01:05:40you were asleep in your tent and these two big lusty farmhands broke in and cultivated your friendship
01:05:46chance would be a fine thing
01:05:49and fear
01:05:50i'm sorry
01:05:53just sort of slipped down
01:05:55the
01:06:05i'm sorry
01:06:07here they are
01:06:07oh
01:06:07oh
01:06:08oh
01:06:16it's murder isn't it
01:06:17like having a permanent itch and nothing to scratch it with
01:06:20Do you really think they fancy us?
01:06:22Fancy us? Your trouble is you don't recognise a green light when you see it.
01:06:26I haven't had much luck with the red ones, either.
01:06:38Where do you think you're going?
01:06:40For the walking.
01:06:41On tiptoe?
01:06:42I didn't want to wake you.
01:06:44Now, look, don't you kid me, Sid Boggle.
01:06:46You're eyeing those two flashy birds.
01:06:48What two flashy birds?
01:06:49She means Babs and Fanny.
01:06:50Who asked you?
01:06:51I was only trying to help.
01:06:54Didn't even notice them.
01:06:55Rubbish, you haven't stopped eyeing them ever since they came here.
01:06:58Can I help it if they're always standing where I'm steering?
01:07:00Look, not content with having bags under your eyes.
01:07:02You've got to have them in front of you as well.
01:07:21Hello, everyone.
01:07:23Lovely afternoon.
01:07:24Hello, Mrs. Potter.
01:07:25Yes, lovely.
01:07:26I thought you ought to know that this evening, Dr. Soper is giving us a lecture on bird-watching.
01:07:31Thanks.
01:07:32I've already had one.
01:07:33Don't take any notice of him, Mrs. Potter.
01:07:35We'll be there.
01:07:35Good-o.
01:07:37Seven o'clock in front of the latrines.
01:07:39That should be a good episode for it.
01:07:40I say, you haven't seen my, uh, my husband, have you?
01:07:44Afraid not.
01:07:45Extraordinary thing.
01:07:45He seems to have disappeared.
01:07:47He's a good judge.
01:07:48Come along, girls.
01:07:50Good girl.
01:07:52Come on.
01:07:55Right.
01:08:00And remember, girls, don't go asking the monks at the monastery any stupid questions,
01:08:04because they've given up talking.
01:08:05And none of you saucy looks, because they've given that up to.
01:08:07Right.
01:08:08Are we all ready to go?
01:08:09Yes, Dr. Soper.
01:08:10All except Jane.
01:08:11She wasn't feeling very well, so I told her to stay in bed.
01:08:13There you go.
01:08:14What about your eyes?
01:08:15No, I, uh...
01:08:16I've got a fly in it.
01:08:20There goes Dr. Soper's body now.
01:08:22I say, have you visited Standfast Abbey?
01:08:26I know.
01:08:27Oh, you should, you know.
01:08:28Best extraordinary order of monks.
01:08:31Well, in that case, I'd rather not.
01:08:33Oh, well, I'd better find the old pot and pan.
01:08:36Bye.
01:08:39She's quite right, you know.
01:08:40We ought to see everything there is to see.
01:08:42You weren't doing so badly this morning in the ablutions hut.
01:08:45Well, what are you talking about?
01:08:47No.
01:08:48All right, get your things.
01:08:49Let's go.
01:08:50No, thank you.
01:08:51All right then, Burnett, you and me will go.
01:08:52Where to?
01:08:53That place, Standfast Abbey.
01:08:55Oh, you mean where the girls have gone?
01:08:58Sorry.
01:09:00Get your things, Aunt.
01:09:12Mr. Muggins, must as I enjoy your excellent company, that's a blasted life of a staff.
01:09:20I must be completely honest, only polite.
01:09:29My dear Mr. Muggins, it's only a suggestion, but why don't you take your stinking carcass out of a bloody
01:09:39tent?
01:09:41You've only had a nerve.
01:09:45Hello.
01:09:47Oh, hello.
01:09:48You're from the camping site, aren't you?
01:09:50Mmm.
01:09:51I've seen you with that funny woman and that scrawny little man.
01:09:54I don't like them much.
01:09:56Sit down and join the club.
01:09:57All right.
01:09:59I like you though.
01:10:01Mmm.
01:10:02Having fun?
01:10:03Not much.
01:10:05Oh, would you like some?
01:10:06No, I don't drink.
01:10:08Pity.
01:10:10Oh, cigarette?
01:10:11I don't smoke.
01:10:13Oh.
01:10:14But we can go to my tent if you like.
01:10:17The others are all away.
01:10:19Well, come on then.
01:10:55Oh, I like this one of the monks doing their laundry.
01:10:58Oh, lovely.
01:10:59I suppose that's where they get rid of their dirty habit.
01:11:02That is not very funny, Bernie.
01:11:05Has Sid got a...
01:11:07Where is he?
01:11:08Where's Sid?
01:11:09Oh, he's just crept into the crib for a... smoke.
01:11:19How about a bit of fun tonight?
01:11:21Oh, not half, brother.
01:11:22We'll be over after lights out.
01:11:24Bless you, my children.
01:11:28Oh, there you are.
01:11:29Where have you been all afternoon?
01:11:31I have been lying in the arms of a beautiful girl.
01:11:33I was getting worried about you.
01:11:35You missed your tea, you know.
01:11:36Hurry up!
01:11:37You're in time for supper.
01:11:38Hurry up!
01:11:39What is it, dear?
01:11:40Where is Mr. Muggins?
01:11:42Oh, he's in the tent.
01:11:47Peter, don't go in.
01:11:48He's having a nap.
01:11:51Peter, what's come over you?
01:11:53Oh!
01:11:58And stay out!
01:12:02And now, Harriet, I'd like you inside, please.
01:12:04What for?
01:12:05You'll find out.
01:12:07What about the sup?
01:12:10Oh!
01:12:11So glad you reminded me.
01:12:30Oh!
01:12:36Oh, Peter.
01:12:39I wonder if he's offended about something.
01:12:44I keep telling you, Bernie, as soon as the lights go out, they're coming in here.
01:12:48Corn.
01:12:48What for?
01:12:49A party.
01:12:50Or shouldn't we get some cakes?
01:12:52Not that kind of a party.
01:12:54Bernie, we've got it made.
01:12:55All we've got to do is play our cards right.
01:12:57Oh!
01:12:58I hope they play rummy.
01:13:00Forget it.
01:13:00Just hide the bottles.
01:13:03Supposing Joan and Anthea find out?
01:13:05They'll be asleep by then.
01:13:06Yeah, but what if they hear a noise and get up to investigate?
01:13:08I thought of that.
01:13:12Needle and thread?
01:13:13That's it.
01:13:13As soon as it gets dark, we nip out and sew their tent flaps together.
01:13:23I know.
01:13:23Get rid of them.
01:13:24I know.
01:13:34I know.
01:13:35You see?
01:13:35Do you see?
01:13:35Do you see?
01:13:37You see?
01:13:38If you've got a pair of blue?
01:13:39I know.
01:13:43I know.
01:13:44You see?
01:13:50She's a big pair of blue?
01:13:52Yes, what is it, Matron?
01:13:54I must see you on a personal matter.
01:13:57Oh, I can't come out now. I'll see you in the morning.
01:14:02Very well. If you won't come out, I'll come in.
01:14:06No!
01:14:11Oh, no, you don't!
01:14:13Oh, no, no, Matron, I was just taking a shortcut.
01:14:19I don't know why, Doctor, but I have a feeling you're trying to avoid me.
01:14:23Oh, no! Whatever gave you that idea?
01:14:26But you shouldn't be in here, you know. Think of the girls. They need watching.
01:14:30Oh, to hell with the girls.
01:14:31To hell with the girls. Matron.
01:14:33I can't help it. It's not fair to ignore a woman after you've aroused her dormant passion.
01:14:39But I've not aroused your dormant passion, your dormant passion.
01:14:42Oh, but you have. All my life I've been like an unused clockwork toy.
01:14:48And then, that night at the hostel, you wound me up.
01:14:50Now, you must start me.
01:14:52Oh, I couldn't. I might bust your spring.
01:14:57Do you want to see what's going on in the Licksville? Some sort of a waiver?
01:15:01Really? Yeah. Come on, it's gonna go on all night.
01:15:03All night? What about the old hag?
01:15:06Oh, don't worry about her. She's here with Olsovo.
01:15:08Come on, girl. Come on. There's a waiver.
01:15:10Come on, girl. I'm all going away.
01:15:13The freak!
01:15:29The freak!
01:15:33Oh.
01:15:34Oh!
01:15:35Oh!
01:15:35Oh!
01:15:36Oh!
01:15:48what time is it now Sid? oh blimey it's only eight o'clock will you relax? eight o'clock?
01:15:54another two hours to wait. I'll be worn out by the time they get here. you don't know how
01:16:03empty my life has been. before I came to your school I was matron at a hospital. there was a
01:16:08doctor there. he was brilliant. he looked just like you. I worshipped him but he ignored it. why whenever I
01:16:15show any interest in a man do they ignore it? why haven't I got a pill? yes but so's a
01:16:20banana and I don't even want that. but I feel you're different doctor. don't you feel something? no I believe
01:16:26in giving my hands to myself. that night in the hostel you showed me your true feelings. now I beg
01:16:33you let me show you.
01:16:34I don't want to see yours. don't fight it. oh help someone help. what's that? what's going on? I don't
01:16:42know but thank heavens for it.
01:16:58to the next field.
01:17:10to the next field.
01:17:11to the next field.
01:17:30Mitra, they've got our girls in there.
01:17:41stop it. stop it. stop it. stop it. stop it. stop it. come along Barbara. stop it. get back to
01:17:46your kids once. you've got no right for you. come along Barbara.
01:17:49help. you look dancing. come along. come once. get back to your kids. how dare they have it? it's not
01:17:55my fault. it's Barbara Giles it feels. and it seems he given permission for to use it.
01:18:00but we can't stand that row all night. certainly. how are we going to get any sleep?
01:18:04from what I hear you wasn't reckoning on doing much sleeping.
01:18:08the point is what are we going to do about it? i can't have my wife upset by that damn
01:18:12noise.
01:18:12you think she's upset? you should see what he's done to my hands.
01:18:15couldn't care less about them. never mind your blooming hands.
01:18:18look just a minute everybody. just a minute. if you really want to get rid of them. i think i
01:18:21know how we can do it.
01:18:22the girls are all back now doctor. how are you feeling? i'm all right. i'm just a bit shaken up.
01:18:27that's all.
01:18:27that's all. i'll be right back now. i's a beautiful house. i found the van's house. that's all night that's
01:18:48all night.
01:20:36Come on.
01:20:41They're going.
01:20:47Hey, Bernie, we can get on with that party of ours now.
01:20:52That'll teach him.
01:20:53I wish the girls could see this now, Matron.
01:20:58The girls are in their truck.
01:21:00Stop!
01:21:00Stop, I say!
01:21:05Hey!
01:21:06They've taken all the girls.
01:21:07What?
01:21:07All of them?
01:21:08Every flame in one.
01:21:13Quickly, Matrus, go after them.
01:21:18Peter, look!
01:21:19They've stolen our tandem.
01:21:21Stop!
01:21:21Come back, I say!
01:21:23Stop!
01:21:23I'll report you to the board!
01:21:26Stop!
01:21:26Do you hear?
01:21:28Good.
01:21:28What?
01:21:29We won't need it when we go to Monte Carlo next year.
01:21:31Monte Carlo?
01:21:32That's right.
01:21:32We'll go on the cross-channel ferry with all the camping equipment.
01:21:35Oh, what a good idea.
01:21:37And when we're halfway across, we'll dump the whole damn lot over the side.
01:21:40Oh, Peter!
01:21:43Anything you say, darling.
01:21:47All right.
01:21:48Here goes our party.
01:21:49What party?
01:21:51Oh, Babs and Fanny were coming over to our tent and we...
01:21:53See now.
01:21:54Well, I don't know what you're bothering with them for when you've got us.
01:21:59You mean you'll let me...
01:22:00Unless, of course, we don't appeal to you in that way.
01:22:06Let's go to your tent.
01:22:08Go on.
01:22:16You're not going to be sick again, are you?
01:22:18Only if you stop that.
01:22:20Oh!
01:22:20Oh, Daddy!
01:22:24Cooey!
01:22:27Cooey!
01:22:27Oh, no!
01:22:29Oh, my God.
01:22:30Oh, my God.
01:22:35I've been so worried about you.
01:22:37I thought I'd better come and keep an eye on things.
01:22:39Very thoughtful.
01:22:39Hello, Mother.
01:22:42Well, aren't you going to ask me in?
01:22:44Look!
01:22:47Oh, God!
01:22:51Oh, dear, the ram's loose.
01:22:57That's not the only one.
01:23:01Ha, ha, ha, ha!
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