- 1 day ago
First broadcast 21st Jene 1979.
Hazell is hired to find a stolen necklace at a film studio, but things begin to get awkward when he starts appearing in front of the cameras.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Roddy McMillan - 'Choc' Minty
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Toby Robins - Jean Curzon
Richard LeParmentier - Mort Berman (as Richard Parmentier)
Lynda Bellingham - Vanessa
Brian Gwaspari - Nigel Brayne
Peter Bourke - Graham Morris
Jack Lynn - Harry Bloom
Seretta Wilson - Lil
Paul Seed - Dicky Loraine
Diana Weston - Marilyn
Gabor Vernon - Nathan Stern
Trevor Harrison - Clapper Boy
Graham Callan - Assistant Director
Ian Oliver - Kenny
Michael Melia - Miffer
Hazell is hired to find a stolen necklace at a film studio, but things begin to get awkward when he starts appearing in front of the cameras.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Roddy McMillan - 'Choc' Minty
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Toby Robins - Jean Curzon
Richard LeParmentier - Mort Berman (as Richard Parmentier)
Lynda Bellingham - Vanessa
Brian Gwaspari - Nigel Brayne
Peter Bourke - Graham Morris
Jack Lynn - Harry Bloom
Seretta Wilson - Lil
Paul Seed - Dicky Loraine
Diana Weston - Marilyn
Gabor Vernon - Nathan Stern
Trevor Harrison - Clapper Boy
Graham Callan - Assistant Director
Ian Oliver - Kenny
Michael Melia - Miffer
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00.
00:43I can see how the Buckhouse gang got the habit.
00:46There's something about sitting back in a roller that makes you want to waver, people.
00:54Just to let them know that you don't mind them being out there.
00:58Take it as it comes, one minute I'm thinking about busking in Baker Street and the next it's
01:04all beautiful film stars and Rolls Royces, which can't be bad, can it?
01:16I told Marmaduke to park the motor in the lobby and I took the stairs up so I could polish
01:20my shoes on the way.
01:24The flat was one of those Mayfair gaffes, tucked between the Arab Quarter and Shepherd's Market.
01:37Yeah?
01:38James Hazel.
01:40I've got an appointment to see Miss Curzon.
01:42Hazel?
01:46Hey, Gene, some guy named Hazel wants to see you.
01:49Uzbek.
02:04Dad, you're there.
02:04I'm here.
02:05I'm here.
02:06I'm here.
02:11OK.
02:12I'm here.
02:13I'm here.
02:25Pleasant little drum, isn't it?
02:30Jean Curzon.
02:32The name might not mean much to anyone who's just back from 20 years on Mars,
02:35but for the rest of us, Jean Curzon's been Britain's answer to Hollywood
02:39since before there was trolleybuses.
02:40As far as we're concerned, she is the English film star.
02:45And she'd asked if I'd mind calling on her to discuss this personal matter.
02:48Hi there. You must be James Hazel.
02:51Yeah, so my mum says.
02:53I'm Jean Curzon.
02:54How are you?
02:55Oh, OK, OK.
02:57No, I've had this dreadful headache today.
03:00I've just taken a couple of valiums and maybe it'll go away.
03:03Mort, are you leaving?
03:04Yeah, I have to be at the studio to see Peter.
03:07Listen, if Nigel phones and says anything, it's very important that he understands
03:11that I'm not making God with the wind.
03:14OK, I'll get back to you tomorrow.
03:16Of course, there's some who'd say that Jean Curzon's getting just a touch
03:19over the hill these days.
03:20But then, who isn't?
03:23Mort's a bundle of sunshine, isn't he?
03:24Do you know him?
03:25I can't say I do.
03:27Mort Berman.
03:28He's one of the producers on the movie I'm making just now,
03:30one of the executive producers.
03:32Oh.
03:34What's one of those?
03:35One of those gets 20% of the gross mainly for getting in the way
03:39and owning the story, right?
03:41So sit down.
03:45Would you like some gum?
03:46Uh, no.
03:47No, thank you.
03:47Can I get you a drink or something?
03:49Uh, not for me.
03:50Thanks, Miss Curzon.
03:51Oh, call me, Jean.
03:53Can I call you Jimmy?
03:55Please do.
03:56Oh, good.
03:57So what can I do for you, Jean?
04:01Well, hey, isn't it remarkable
04:05that you should be another private detective
04:07at that number Francesca gave me?
04:09Huh?
04:11I called her up right after I spoke to her
04:12and told her.
04:13She thought it was great.
04:15Well, I just kind of took up when Mr. Fitch left off.
04:18Did he retire or something?
04:20No, he wasn't a retiring sort.
04:21He just left off.
04:22Well, Jimmy,
04:25this is the problem.
04:27Now, are you sure you want to have that drink?
04:29Sure.
04:30You don't mind if I have a small one, do you?
04:33Please, please do.
04:34It's your liver.
04:35That's right.
04:37So, Jimmy,
04:39what I want you to do for me
04:41is to find a necklace.
04:44Now, do you think you can do that?
04:46Well, I'll see if you can tell me a little more about it.
04:49What do you want to know?
04:49Ask me.
04:50Well, how about where it belongs to it?
04:52Don't mind, I don't.
04:53It's mine, darling, of course.
04:56You don't think I'd hire you
04:57to find somebody else's necklace for them, do you?
04:59No, of course.
05:01But it's best to get these things straight,
05:02just so we know where we are.
05:04To tell you the truth,
05:05I was beginning to wonder.
05:07So far, it was like being driven around
05:09for an interview at the waxworks.
05:11Still, they live under a terrible strain, don't they?
05:14OK, Jimmy, this is the story.
05:17My husband, who is Walter Cohen of Cohen Company, you know?
05:21Uh, no.
05:22No, I don't.
05:23Well, he's in video and things like that,
05:26which I might tell you
05:27is the entertainment of the future.
05:30In ten years' time,
05:31video is going to be very big.
05:35Not just in the States, over here, too.
05:38Yeah?
05:39Terrific.
05:39Mm.
05:40Go on.
05:41Where was I?
05:43Walter.
05:44Oh, yeah, Walter.
05:45Well, about a month ago,
05:47Walter bought me a very pretty emerald necklace
05:50for our first wedding anniversary.
05:52I'm not crazy about emeralds,
05:54but it's a nice necklace.
05:57A was.
05:58Until it was stolen.
06:00When was this?
06:01About two days ago at the studio.
06:03I put it on in the morning,
06:05went straight to my dressing room where I left it.
06:07And when we broke for lunch and I got back,
06:10it was gone.
06:12Absolutely disappeared.
06:14You probably know I'm making a picture here right now.
06:17Well, we only have three or four of my scenes left to do,
06:20and then at the weekend I'm flying back to L.A.
06:22And if I get back home without that necklace,
06:26Walter is going to have a fit.
06:29And I mean a fit.
06:30Which is why I want you to find it for me, Jimmy.
06:33What do you say?
06:35It wasn't insured?
06:36Well, are you kidding, darling?
06:38In this business, even my toenails are insured.
06:41Oh, yeah?
06:42It's third-party fire and theft, aren't it?
06:46Oh, that's funny!
06:48Oh, I like that.
06:50That's very funny!
06:52Third-party fire.
06:53Or maybe I should hire you to write comedy for me.
06:56I like doing a good comedy.
06:58Did you call the police?
07:00Oh, sure.
07:01The police, yes.
07:03They checked everyone on the set that day,
07:06which upset Mort a lot because of the bad publicity,
07:09but they didn't find anything.
07:12And they asked me a lot of questions,
07:15and right now they're probably helping themselves
07:18with their inquiries or whatever,
07:20but I do not
07:22not think
07:23they're going to find that necklace
07:24in time to save Walter
07:25from tearing out his hair
07:28or what's left of it.
07:29No, Jimmy,
07:30it's not the insurance
07:31or the police.
07:32That's okay.
07:34Jimmy,
07:36what I want you to do for me
07:38is to come down to the studios
07:40and just sort of nose around
07:42and see what you can make out,
07:44but not like a policeman, okay?
07:46This production has enough problems
07:47without that sort of thing.
07:48No,
07:49I just want you to
07:50come down,
07:51ask around,
07:53see what you can make out.
07:55That's what you guys do, isn't it?
07:57That's what I want.
07:59Now, do you think you can do that for a little bit?
08:02Well,
08:03I don't see how I can hang around a film studio
08:05without being a little bit obvious.
08:08What am I supposed to be doing there?
08:10I've thought of that.
08:11You'll like this.
08:13I'm going to give George a few days off.
08:15He's the guy that brought you here.
08:16I'll say he's sick or something
08:18and, uh,
08:20you're my new driver.
08:22Drivers always hang around sets.
08:24They get to know more
08:24about what's going on
08:25with the guy who's paying for it all.
08:27Isn't that a great idea?
08:29What do you say?
08:31Yeah.
08:33Yeah, that might do.
08:35Okay.
08:36I'll give it a try for you,
08:37but I can't promise anything.
08:39Oh, you don't have to, sweetheart.
08:40If you can't find it,
08:41at least I can tell Walter that I tried.
08:44And if you can,
08:45I'd be very grateful, Jimmy.
08:49Say, what about your fees?
08:51Are you expensive?
08:5225 a day plus expenses.
08:54That's pounds.
08:55Jeez.
08:56George gets that anyhow.
08:57How do you live?
08:58Uh, very humbly.
09:00I can believe that.
09:01I'll tell you what I'll do.
09:03I make it 50.
09:05How does that sound?
09:08I think I'll have that drink.
09:14I don't know what the geezer
09:16who calls about
09:16my national insurance contributions
09:18would make of it,
09:19but Jean's old banger
09:20certainly toned up the yard a bit.
09:22Mind you,
09:23I didn't go much
09:24on my chances of turning up
09:25Jean's drop of tomfoolery.
09:27And all this caper
09:28about snooping around
09:29heavily disguised as her chauffeur
09:31seemed like something
09:32she got out of one of her old movies.
09:34But then,
09:3550 sous a day?
09:39What, hotel?
09:40Yeah.
09:41What's that thing doing out there?
09:43Well, it's, uh,
09:45powering gently to itself
09:46by the look of it.
09:46Yeah, but who's this?
09:47I mean, I thought
09:48a bleeding old mayor was up here.
09:49Well, I...
09:50Yeah.
09:51You ain't half interested, Jim,
09:52have you?
09:53Listen, that's a capital offence
09:54in this country.
09:55No, I know I cashed in
09:55me number six coupons, didn't I?
09:57I mean, it was either that
09:57or a lawnmower.
09:58Yeah, don't mess up out.
10:00What are you doing
10:00with a car like that?
10:01All right.
10:02You, my son,
10:03are looking at the one
10:04and only Jean Curzon's
10:05new chauffeur,
10:06confidant and private detective.
10:07How does that grab you?
10:08You're joking.
10:09Oh, my life.
10:10She wanted Neville Fitch,
10:11but luckily for her
10:11she got me instead.
10:12What?
10:13Jean Curzon,
10:14the actress?
10:15Well, I won't go quite as far
10:16as to say that,
10:17tell her.
10:17I mean,
10:17that's what she does
10:18offscreen from what I uncover.
10:19You jammy bastard.
10:20You're covered in it,
10:21aren't you?
10:22Play your cards right,
10:23I might be able
10:23to get you into the pictures.
10:24Yeah, I know.
10:25Through the bog window
10:26in the Odeon.
10:27Do you want the part
10:28or not?
10:28Did you get me
10:30more coffee?
10:31Yeah.
10:32Help yourself,
10:32my little insect.
10:33Only don't
10:33nick the spoon, eh?
10:35There's a picture
10:36of Florence Nightingale
10:37in it for you.
10:38Oh.
10:39Well,
10:42get out of here.
10:47Well?
10:48A tenner?
10:49Uh, what are you getting?
10:5050.
10:51A day?
10:52Well,
10:52that's because
10:52I'm debilier
10:53and good-looking,
10:54isn't it?
10:54Oh.
10:56All right.
10:57More if we crack it.
10:58A tenner a day
10:59still leaves you 40?
11:01Ooh,
11:01you're a little mercenary.
11:03Oh,
11:04right,
11:04someone's got to keep you.
11:05Right.
11:05What's on, then?
11:06Well,
11:06my client,
11:07who was in the throes
11:08of making her 43rd
11:09epic work of art over here.
11:10Oh, yeah,
11:10I read about her.
11:11It's a dirty picture,
11:11isn't it?
11:12It's a modern love story tale.
11:13Oh.
11:14Anyway,
11:14while in the throes
11:15of making it,
11:16she's had her choker lifted.
11:17Oh?
11:18What sort of choker?
11:18Emerald necklace.
11:19It's worth about six grand.
11:21Phew.
11:21Not much chance, Jim.
11:22Jim,
11:22I mean,
11:23could be a napkin
11:23ringing in Amsterdam by now.
11:25Yeah,
11:25that's what I told her,
11:26but,
11:26look,
11:27as I remember it,
11:28you had a mate
11:28down at the Goldwood Studios,
11:29didn't you?
11:29He was a chippy or something.
11:31Oh,
11:32Miffa?
11:32Yeah.
11:32A geezer what said
11:33far to his head
11:34at night down at Cox's.
11:35What happened to his barney?
11:36Didn't do the world of good.
11:37Grew back all wavy.
11:38Yeah,
11:39that's right.
11:39You were there,
11:40weren't you?
11:40Yeah,
11:40it was a good night there.
11:41Yeah.
11:42You still bummed into him?
11:48In the red,
11:49down at the Tote,
11:50unmarried fathers,
11:51I don't know,
11:52anyone who might have had
11:52sticky fingers for five minutes.
11:54Yeah?
11:54Yeah,
11:54know what you mean?
11:55Only,
11:56uh,
11:56do it soft,
11:57eh,
11:57tell?
11:57Don't sandbag him,
11:58would it?
11:59No,
11:59no,
12:00of course I won't.
12:01Oh,
12:01he,
12:02uh,
12:03well,
12:03you know,
12:03he drinks like a rainbow trout,
12:04Jim.
12:04You remember that?
12:13She's got a lovely smile,
12:15ain't she?
12:30Hello,
12:31darling.
12:32You're new,
12:32aren't you?
12:33Not that new.
12:35Who are you?
12:36Old friend of Mr. Bloom's.
12:38Is he about?
12:39He's upstairs,
12:40resting.
12:41Oh,
12:41it's tiring him out these days,
12:42is it?
12:43The shop?
12:45Sort of.
12:46He's not as nippy as he used to be.
12:47Did you,
12:49um,
12:50did you want him?
12:51Well,
12:52if I can't let you,
12:53who else is it?
12:54Hmm.
12:58Harry?
12:59There's someone to see ya.
13:00What?
13:02Someone to see ya.
13:03A fella.
13:04Oh,
13:05bloody hell.
13:06All right.
13:07One thing about having been a copper
13:09is that you don't forget your tradesman
13:10after you've handed in your whistle.
13:12And besides being an old lecher of the first water,
13:15Harry Bloom was still down in my book as a fence.
13:17A good one,
13:18too.
13:19Judging by the form here,
13:21he wasn't doing bad at his other little lobby,
13:23either.
13:24Who is it then,
13:25eh?
13:26Call.
13:29PC 49.
13:30Hello,
13:31Harry.
13:31How's Trix?
13:32Not bad,
13:32not bad.
13:34I heard you were a snooper of West these days,
13:36is that right?
13:37Yeah,
13:37it's about right.
13:39Harry,
13:39I hate the sport of you.
13:44Go on,
13:44Neil,
13:45go and make a cup of tea or something.
13:58Go on,
13:59off it.
14:00All right.
14:02God,
14:03here's like Mickey Mouse,
14:03that little tart.
14:04Yeah,
14:05the rest of us pretty serious,
14:06aren't it?
14:07What?
14:09Well,
14:09you've got to have something to do
14:10in your old age.
14:11Yeah.
14:13So what's on your mind then?
14:15I'm looking for a necklace,
14:16Harry.
14:17Oh,
14:17help yourself.
14:17All good stuff.
14:18Okay.
14:19This one's still warm.
14:20Oh,
14:20yeah?
14:20What's it wrapped in?
14:21A charge sheet?
14:22Not by me.
14:24No,
14:24it's got sentimental value
14:26to a client of mine.
14:27Went missing about
14:28a couple of days ago.
14:29Might have passed you by
14:30in a breeze.
14:31What sort of necklace?
14:33Emeralds,
14:34platinum clasp,
14:35worth about six grand.
14:37Oy,
14:37some breeze,
14:39some client and all.
14:41What are you?
14:42By appointment now,
14:43are you?
14:43Yeah,
14:44something like that.
14:45Look,
14:45the point is,
14:46Harry,
14:47it wouldn't be for charity.
14:49How much?
14:50Negotiable.
14:51Through me.
14:53Well,
14:54I'd like to help,
14:55but,
14:56I haven't seen nothing like it.
14:58Even if I did,
14:59I wouldn't tell you
15:00over the counter,
15:01would I?
15:02I mean,
15:05we've both got friends
15:06and
15:08some of yours
15:08still got notebooks.
15:10True.
15:11But then I'm not looking
15:12for a promotion anymore,
15:13Harry.
15:15If the blackguard
15:15wants to give himself up,
15:16well,
15:16that's down to him,
15:17isn't it?
15:18But if I get a plain brown
15:19envelope through the post,
15:20well,
15:20that's something different,
15:21isn't it?
15:22Straight up?
15:23As far as it'll go.
15:25Well,
15:25I'll tell you what I'll do.
15:27Leave us your address,
15:28and if I hear anything,
15:29I'll let you know,
15:30but don't bank on nothing,
15:32all right?
15:33Never do,
15:34do I,
15:34Harry.
15:35Here,
15:35here's me card.
15:37I have two.
15:38Huh?
15:39What for?
15:40Well,
15:40then you could,
15:41uh,
15:42give Lil one for me,
15:43couldn't you?
15:57It was debatable
15:58whether or not
15:59Harry would go
16:00for my bit of patter,
16:01but it was worth a try.
16:03If somebody was finding
16:04the necklace
16:04a bit hard to unload,
16:06chances were
16:06it would filter down
16:07to Harry,
16:07and he might just
16:09suggest selling it
16:10back to its rightful
16:11owner,
16:11through me.
16:13And on the other
16:14end,
16:14he might not.
16:16Still,
16:17one way or another,
16:19it hadn't been a bad
16:20day in the salt mines.
16:21In fact,
16:22you could say
16:22I was feeling
16:23quite mellow
16:23with the world.
16:43turn over.
16:44Run foot 96,
16:45take 14.
16:55And action,
16:57darling.
17:04All right,
17:05darling,
17:06fun's over,
17:07everybody out of the pool,
17:08Mama's home.
17:10Cut!
17:11Cut!
17:12One part next to the wall's gonna fall down.
17:16Pops for something,
17:17nail that bloody thing
17:18to the wall, please.
17:20We'd been gathered here
17:21since the crack of dawn,
17:23and the only thing
17:24that had got finished so far
17:25was about 40 bacon rolls
17:26and a couple of gallons of tea.
17:28I hadn't noticed
17:29any jewel thieves
17:30lurking behind the scenery
17:31yet, either.
17:35But one of the cast
17:36was definitely
17:37a candidate
17:38for some closer attention.
17:51What's happening here?
17:53The, uh,
17:54the chair fell over
17:55when nobody asked it to.
17:57Hells bells,
17:58can't these guys
17:59get anything right?
18:01We were supposed
18:02to finish here
18:03three days ago.
18:06Who are you?
18:07Oh, I'm Jim.
18:09Miss Gerson's new driver.
18:11New driver?
18:11Where's George?
18:13Oh, he's sick.
18:13Touch of his old hepatitis on him.
18:15Sick, is he?
18:16Oh, we'll all be bloody sick
18:18if we're not out of here
18:19pretty soon.
18:20Who are you, Jim?
18:23Do you mind who I am?
18:25Mush.
18:26You do your bloody job
18:28and I'll do mine.
18:36From the cashmere pullover
18:38and the little brown
18:38sandwich box
18:39they all seem to have
18:40it was a fair bet
18:41that he was the other
18:42producer on this epic
18:43probably the one
18:44who was doing
18:44all the sweaty stuff
18:46and judging by the aroma
18:47of dry martini
18:48that was coming off him
18:49at this ungodly hour
18:49it wasn't just the work
18:51that was making him sweat either.
18:58Mind you
18:59if I had to ask
19:00this geezer here
19:00for my pocket money
19:01I might sweat a bit too.
19:03Got a light, young man.
19:06Yeah.
19:07Sure.
19:18Dickie, could I have
19:19one minute?
19:20No, not right now, Mortimer.
19:22I am trying to make a picture
19:23in case you hadn't noticed.
19:24All right, boys and girls.
19:25Let's see if we can't
19:26get it right now, darling.
19:27Now, gee, darling,
19:28could you come in
19:29a little bit this week,
19:30okay?
19:31Just try and pretend
19:31that this is easy.
19:32Okay, darling.
19:33Oh, yes, and Vanessa,
19:34sweetheart, how about
19:35stirring a little
19:36when the door opens?
19:38Otherwise, it looks
19:39as though you're both dead.
19:40Okay?
19:41Dickie, how about me?
19:42Am I okay?
19:42Yeah, yeah, you're fine.
19:44All right, everybody.
19:45Keep it down now.
19:46Nice and still, please.
19:49Turn over.
20:16That won't be necessary, young man.
20:18I'm having a private discussion here.
20:21Nigel, get in the car
20:22and drive us
20:22to the goddamn restaurant.
20:24Surely.
20:50Oh, hello.
20:51Oh, hello.
20:53I was looking for Jean.
20:54I've got some script notes for her.
20:55Oh, well, she's gone for lunch
20:57at the Trattoria Watsy.
20:58You know, will you have him up?
20:59I don't know.
20:59I can't say I blame her.
21:01Oh, I see.
21:01Well, it doesn't really matter.
21:03I'll just leave these here for her, then.
21:06Well, don't rush off.
21:08I'd hate to poison myself on me own.
21:10Okay.
21:11Shall we see a sandwich?
21:12It's either chicken or a baby crocodile.
21:13I'm not sure which.
21:14No, thank you.
21:15Oh, can't say I blame her.
21:19I saw you on the set.
21:21You're Jean's new driver, aren't you?
21:23Yeah.
21:24You're the beautiful young seductress.
21:27More or less.
21:28Oh, I'd say more.
21:29I've seen you somewhere else,
21:31you know, except in that bed.
21:33On the box.
21:35You're the bird on a desert island
21:36goes mad with a shaving cream.
21:38Yes, that's me.
21:39Bits of me, anyway.
21:41I'll never forget her face.
21:43What are you doing in this little romp?
21:44Paying the rent.
21:45Yeah, me too.
21:46Funny, you don't look like a driver, you know.
21:49Oh?
21:50What do I look like?
21:51Well, drivers are usually little men with glasses,
21:53always trying to sell film scripts for friends of theirs.
21:56You look more like a bodyguard or something.
21:59Oh?
22:00She need a bodyguard, does she?
22:01Who, Jean?
22:02I don't know.
22:03I wouldn't have thought so, really.
22:05I mean, she's the sort of person
22:06you just stare at in amazement
22:08rather than attack, isn't she?
22:10She did have some jewellery stolen, though.
22:12Yeah, I heard about it.
22:13You know who'd do a thing like that around here?
22:16Now you sound like a detective.
22:19Oh, do me a favor.
22:20All I do is push a roller around.
22:22I mean, do I look like a detective?
22:24No, I suppose not.
22:27I still can't think who'd do it, you know.
22:28I mean, film people aren't really like that.
22:30Darling, for six grand, anybody can be like that.
22:33Is that what it was worth?
22:35Good God.
22:37Well, it still doesn't make any difference.
22:40I mean, all right, people take the props home sometimes
22:41and clothes and things,
22:43but I mean, they're more or less perks anyway.
22:45But there's so much valuable stuff lying around
22:46in heaps people could steal and nobody does.
22:49It's a very close sort of business, this, you know.
22:52Everyone knows each other.
22:54A bit like stealing from your family, I suppose.
22:57Yeah.
22:57Still, that's on page one where I come from.
23:00What is?
23:01Well, I mean, you don't nick your brother's bike
23:03if he's got to go to work on it every day.
23:05But if he can afford to take a taxi,
23:07what is your new bicycle clips for?
23:10You see what I mean?
23:11No.
23:12Oh, well, don't worry about it.
23:14Where do you come from, then?
23:16East of the border, down at any way.
23:19You?
23:19Oh, deepest roading.
23:21Well, there you are.
23:22Made for each other.
23:25Are you married?
23:26Does it matter?
23:28Not a bit.
23:29It's just my...
23:30natural curiosity.
23:32No.
23:33No, I'm not married.
23:36Well, I was with Nigel on and off at the start of the picture,
23:38but that has faded a bit.
23:40Nigel?
23:40Nigel Brain, one of the producers.
23:42You were talking to him this morning.
23:43Nigel at the liquid breakfast.
23:45Yeah, that's one of his problems.
23:47What's his others?
23:47You?
23:48No, not me.
23:51Oh, Nigel's very sweet, really,
23:52but he gets himself very mixed up over things
23:54and gets out of his depth.
23:55Then he has to put on a big show of temper
23:57to cover it up like a child.
23:58Yeah, except kids drink orange juice,
24:00not vodka martinis.
24:02I know.
24:03Well, working with a ghoul like Berman doesn't help him either.
24:06I mean, Nigel's getting a very raw deal on this picture,
24:08you know,
24:09and all Berman does is make stupid remarks about everything
24:11and calls himself executive in charge of production.
24:15Dickie says he couldn't produce milk out of a dairy.
24:17I thought you said it was just one big happy family.
24:20I did, didn't I?
24:22Well, the crew and everyone,
24:23the rest of it's just politics, really.
24:25Lord, I ought to go.
24:26I must be a make-up.
24:27Right.
24:28See you back at the footlights, yeah?
24:29Uh, no, closed set, I'm afraid.
24:33Dickie's orders.
24:35Make-up's all I will be wearing in this scene.
24:38Oh.
24:39Well, maybe I'll catch it another time.
24:41Might be nice.
24:43Any message for Jean?
24:46Mm.
24:55Tell her I fancy her bodyguard, will you?
25:09Listen, darling,
25:10all I'm trying to say
25:11is that if we don't finish in the studio
25:14before the end of the week,
25:15we will be unable to...
25:16I'd spent the afternoon
25:17looking round here and there,
25:19but the idea of that Vanessa
25:20doing her stuff with nothing on but a radio
25:23should have taken me mine off the job somehow.
25:25Tell me, why don't we have a second unit?
25:27Mainly because it isn't in the budget,
25:29which is something I can hardly be blamed for
25:31as I didn't provide the money for the picture.
25:33Now, if Mortimer wants to argue that with me...
25:36I know it's tough, Nigel,
25:38but give it a rest, huh?
25:39Yep.
25:40I was getting a bit curious
25:41about the martini kid here.
25:43Because if I was handling the money end of the job
25:45and I was getting a raw deal,
25:47I wouldn't put it past myself
25:49to slip me fingers into the till,
25:51just to even things up a bit.
25:52Oh, this'll do, just here.
25:59And if things were getting hot
26:00and I had to put the clock back again,
26:03I might even need to nick a bit of Tom.
26:09Listen, darling.
26:11If you could speak to Mortimer
26:14and just keep him off my back,
26:16it would make my job a whole lot easier.
26:19And Sterns.
26:21Now,
26:22will you do that for me?
26:24Darling, I'm an actress,
26:26not a diplomat.
26:28If you can't get along
26:29with your executive producer,
26:31there's really nothing I can do.
26:33But...
26:33Now, take me home, Jimmy, darling,
26:35will you, please?
26:36Yes.
26:49Oh, my God, what a day.
26:52There must be an easier way
26:53to make a living.
26:55Maybe I should write a book.
26:57I'll tell you, Jimmy,
26:58I'm getting awfully tired
27:00of kissing guys with bad breath
27:02who can't even act for Christ's sake.
27:03Yeah, must be murder.
27:05Oh, that's right.
27:06Get me a scotch, will you, darling?
27:08Have one yourself.
27:10I have one of those headaches
27:11coming on again.
27:13So,
27:14how did it go today?
27:16Any clues?
27:17No, but I got a couple of ideas.
27:20Look, um,
27:21who's this Nathan Stern?
27:23Nathan Stern,
27:24he's the production accountant.
27:26He pays out all Mort's lovely money
27:27once he's got Nigel's okay.
27:29Did you meet him?
27:30No.
27:30Was he there?
27:31Hmm, he was at lunch today.
27:33That's right,
27:34you weren't there.
27:35Where'd you go?
27:36Uh,
27:37well,
27:37I just kind of,
27:38uh,
27:38followed me nose around.
27:40Look,
27:40uh,
27:40is Nathan gonna be there tomorrow?
27:42Yeah,
27:42I suppose so.
27:44Woo!
27:44Oh,
27:45that's better.
27:46Get me another one,
27:46will you,
27:47darling?
27:49Then,
27:50I think
27:52I will have a bath
27:53and go to bed.
27:55I have had it for this day.
27:57Yeah,
27:57it's all go,
27:58isn't it?
27:59Um,
28:00look,
28:01do you mind if I bring a photographer
28:02along tomorrow?
28:03I mean,
28:03he won't get in the way or anything,
28:04but,
28:04uh,
28:04it might help.
28:05No,
28:05that's all right.
28:06You can say it's for me anyhow.
28:07Terrific.
28:08Well,
28:08look,
28:08I'll,
28:09I'll pick you up in the morning
28:10and then I'll collect him,
28:11okay?
28:11Yeah.
28:12Do you have somebody in mind?
28:13Yeah,
28:14he's a neighbor of mine.
28:15Uh,
28:15he's in pictures too.
28:22Oh,
28:23sorry,
28:23Graham.
28:24Hey,
28:25Buzzy.
28:25Yes,
28:26I am.
28:27There are no messages.
28:28Oh,
28:28that's good
28:28because I've got one for you.
28:30I don't get messages.
28:32That is where you're wrong.
28:34What are you talking about?
28:36I've got a job for you.
28:37I did the stairs last week.
28:39You saw me.
28:39Never mind about the stairs.
28:40All these pictures of tarantulas.
28:42This is a real job.
28:43Photographing assignment.
28:44Right up your street.
28:45Photographing what exactly?
28:47I'm not crashing into hotel bedrooms,
28:49thank you very much.
28:50No,
28:50no,
28:51no.
28:51It's nothing like that.
28:52Look,
28:54you're into old establishments,
28:55aren't you?
28:56Well,
28:56I've got one for you.
28:57What?
28:58Where?
28:59Jean Curzon.
29:00I'm not the film star.
29:02Not Jean Curzon,
29:03the film star.
29:03The one and only.
29:05I used to have dreams about her
29:06when I was a kid.
29:07Yeah,
29:07well,
29:08never mind about your early sex life.
29:09Look,
29:09the point is,
29:10I want you to come down to the studio,
29:11take some photographs for me,
29:12Bit unobtrusive like,
29:13but don't worry,
29:15because I'll introduce you.
29:16Will you?
29:16Really?
29:17My mother won't believe this.
29:19Well,
29:19come on,
29:20grab your brownie.
29:23Do I get paid?
29:24Of course you do.
29:25We'll forget about last week's rent.
29:34I gave Graham the rundown
29:35on what I wanted on the way over.
29:37He was so chuffed with the idea
29:38that he didn't bother to ask
29:40what any of it was about.
29:48Nathan Stern?
30:02Which one's Nathan Stern?
30:05Him.
30:06Why?
30:08Just interested to know
30:09who's signing a wages bill.
30:11You, uh,
30:12you're involved
30:12in this little piece of drama,
30:13are you?
30:14Not enough for lunch,
30:16no.
30:22I've never tried
30:24at one of these things before.
30:26I can't say,
30:27I haven't made a bit of it either.
30:29And well,
30:31perhaps we're going up
30:32in the world.
30:33Mmm.
30:35Hmm.
30:35Perhaps we are.
30:59You found that necklace for Gene yet?
31:03What?
31:03What makes you think
31:04I'm looking for right now?
31:05Oh, come on.
31:06You're no driver.
31:08Except maybe a backseat one.
31:12Yesterday,
31:12you knew the price of it
31:13and everything.
31:15That photographer's
31:16a friend of yours,
31:17isn't he?
31:18He's no stills man.
31:21They're usually
31:21old Fleet Street pros
31:23or trendy young things
31:24with earrings
31:25and Afghan waistcoats.
31:27I think you're a...
31:30Yeah.
31:32You are looking
31:33for the necklace,
31:34aren't you?
31:36You haven't got it,
31:37have you?
31:37Oh,
31:38I wish I had.
31:39We'll be stripping off
31:40in this rotten picture.
31:42Oh, hey,
31:43I'd better get back.
31:44Tiki will murder me
31:44if there's a call given
31:45and I'm not there.
31:46Would he?
31:48Well,
31:48you'd better go then.
31:49I need to have
31:49two crimes on me hand.
31:52Well,
31:52I hope you find it.
31:54And perhaps
31:54we can celebrate together.
32:08thanks to the lift driver.
32:12My pleasure,
32:13ma'am.
32:31Hello,
32:32Miff.
32:32Hello,
32:33James.
32:34All right.
32:34Good to see you.
32:35I was just saying
32:35what a lovely place
32:36you've got here.
32:37Yeah,
32:37it's not too bad,
32:37is it?
32:39What are you looking at?
32:40Pretty open,
32:40aren't it?
32:41It's all right,
32:41isn't it?
32:42Eh?
32:43Oh,
32:44how's the world
32:45of showbiz treating you?
32:46Ah,
32:46it's got its moments.
32:48So,
32:50has me father here
32:51told you all about it?
32:51Oh, yeah,
32:52yeah.
32:52Got anything?
32:53I saw you on the set,
32:54Jim.
32:55I didn't want to say nothing.
32:56Do you want to blow your cover?
32:57Right.
32:58That's funny,
32:59because I didn't see you there.
32:59Eh?
33:00Oh,
33:01I keep a low profile,
33:02don't I?
33:02I mean,
33:02I keep well out of the way.
33:03He's a chippy,
33:04Jim,
33:04Jim.
33:06Oh,
33:07right.
33:09You take up anything yet?
33:10Nothing on the necklace,
33:11Jim,
33:12no.
33:12I was just saying to him,
33:13the old production hum's like Billingsgate,
33:14I tell you.
33:14Yeah?
33:15Why is it?
33:15It was nothing concrete.
33:16It's all down to chit-chatting him.
33:18But the word is,
33:20there's a lot of anky-panky going on up top,
33:22round the cash box.
33:24Do you mind if I have another drink,
33:25James?
33:26No.
33:27No,
33:27help yourself.
33:28Cheers.
33:30So,
33:31who's on the fiddle?
33:32That's very difficult to say,
33:34Jim.
33:34It's all monopoly money,
33:35isn't it?
33:36Well,
33:37who do you think of it?
33:38Can't it?
33:38Well,
33:39it's a clever one.
33:40It's got to be team-handed.
33:41It's dodgy invoices,
33:43over-ordering assets and that,
33:45extras booked and paid for when there weren't none,
33:46you know what I mean?
33:47All that sort of cake.
33:48It was plenty of this iffy,
33:49James.
33:49Yeah.
33:50Do you know,
33:51the last mules to be used by the British Army
33:53were officially demobbed in Hong Kong.
33:56You what?
33:57Yeah,
33:57they're using helicopters now.
33:58Choppers.
33:59Well,
33:59they would be.
34:02So,
34:02there's nothing on the necklace?
34:03No,
34:04I drew a blank there,
34:04Jim.
34:05They're all on it.
34:06But they do their robbery with fountain pens in this game.
34:08Yeah,
34:08I can imagine.
34:09If you ask me,
34:10I think it's a Ben producer
34:12and someone else.
34:13Like who?
34:14Oh,
34:14it's very difficult to say,
34:15Jim.
34:16I mean,
34:16if I go around stirring it up,
34:18I could find myself on supplementary benefit.
34:22Don't want that,
34:23do we?
34:23We don't.
34:24Yeah,
34:25look,
34:25Miff,
34:26thanks for your help.
34:27What do I owe you?
34:28Oh,
34:28no,
34:28leave off,
34:28Jim.
34:29No,
34:29no,
34:29come on,
34:29look,
34:30buy him a pint.
34:31I'm playing the white man.
34:32I'm taking a wife out.
34:33Well,
34:33buy her a pint.
34:34I'm obliged to you,
34:35honest.
34:35Oh,
34:36Jim,
34:37thanks very much.
34:37Well,
34:38I'll tell you something,
34:38but no names,
34:39no pectoral.
34:40But if I was you,
34:42I'd watch out for the tart.
34:43You know,
34:44the one was playing the ingenue.
34:46The what?
34:47The one with the...
34:48The other woman.
34:49The other woman.
34:51Vanessa?
34:52Vanessa Page.
34:53Well,
34:53she's in with Jean.
34:54It's common knowledge she's been knocking off Nigel.
34:57Yeah.
34:57Well,
34:57now she's chummy with Nathan Stern.
34:59Terrific.
35:27Brian?
35:28Do you not come in?
35:30No.
35:31Are we going to be much longer?
35:33No.
35:42Look,
35:44how'd you enjoy your day out amongst the stars?
35:46A bit boring,
35:47actually.
35:48Yeah,
35:49I know what you mean.
35:51Is this it?
35:52Yes.
35:54They're done.
35:56They'll be dry in the morning.
35:59What do you want them for?
36:00I just want to show them to a friend of mine.
36:03I would rather like them back again.
36:05Yeah,
36:06sure.
36:06As soon as you've seen them.
36:09I'll clear this up in the morning,
36:10if that's all right.
36:11Yeah,
36:11fine.
36:12Mother's cooking tonight.
36:14Quite an event.
36:15That's nice.
36:16Yes.
36:17Well,
36:18good night, then.
36:19Yeah.
36:19Tell her,
36:20Graham.
36:21Uh,
36:21thanks for all your help.
37:01dirty books are in the bottom drawer chop sorry keep you waiting got this part-time driving job
37:06oh I can't you make hands meet anymore oh I can always do that job that's part of me color
37:13why'd you call me I've been employed by Jean Curzon to help her find a missing necklace
37:18since she's got very little faith in your mob doing it for her and while I'm doing that
37:21I've been ferrying her mate of being the Queen Mary out there you're pulling my leg Hizzle I'm not
37:26touching you Chuck okay I've heard about that necklace but since it's not my case why get
37:32me around here when I get more important things to do have a quick vada through this lot see if
37:40anyone you recognize now I've seen her the picture of some night no no no look
37:51then recognize him might do oh come on Chuck I'm not asking you to win the World Cup look take
38:00away
38:00the glasses the beard about six years who have you got okay that's Walter Stone I still don't see what
38:07it's got to do with me it is in it Walter Stone alias Walter Sternberg alias Nathan Stern I knew
38:14my
38:14scalp was itching when I heard that name I only saw him once it's about six years ago when you
38:18pulled
38:18him for that insurance plate yeah that's him well he's taken on the film set of rampant starring Gene
38:24Curzon and a few other new balls down at Goldwood Studios Graham took him yesterday the Phantom of the
38:29Opera in here have you got him at this game now purely freelance Chuck look the point is Walter Stone
38:40is the
38:41accountant on this illustrious production it was in a must have cleared his tracks pretty well eh I only hope
38:49they've got somebody looking all at his shoulder don't tell me you think Stone has lifted this necklace
38:55that's not his game at all he's a master chef with the books but he's not a jewel thief I'll
39:01tell you
39:01what I think I think he's persuaded the producer that they could cream a fair bit of the kitty for
39:06themselves and then the bloke that they're robbing that's the executive producer he's a right goal
39:12in fact I'm not too sure he doesn't deserve it just as well you're not a copper anymore then isn't
39:16that yeah I've got too much sense of justice and I you can call it that go on well from
39:22what I can
39:22make out the money's so thin on this picture they ain't got enough to write the end on it
39:26so this producer geezer brain he's turning around trying to cover uh-huh he's looked with the
39:31necklace cashed in and put some of the money bags that it took the words right out my mouth job
39:36hmm you got a single shred of evidence for all this well uh that's where you come in
39:43oh aye what am I supposed to do arrest everybody and charge them with hazel's sense of justice
39:50and what exactly are you getting out of it eh all I want is a statement from brain on the
39:57whereabouts
39:58of that necklace and then my job's done I mean once he's pulled he's gonna sing like a budgie
40:03but I can't pull a fraud squad number on me own can I I mean not without stealing the books
40:08and then pouring over him for six months with an adding machine I'd go blind for a start would I
40:12you want me to grab the books on your say so who's this fella you think deserves to be robbed
40:19Mortimer Berman
40:21what you're trying to tell me is that I have hired a crook to handle my money is that right
40:26that's about the size of it Mort I'd like to stress that so far this is just hazel's theory
40:33Mr. Berman I'm here because we can't afford to ignore allegations of this kind
40:39he has been right from time to time in the past
40:42jockey you're all up if stands a crook I want him out I do not hire crooks you already have
40:51I don't want any of this hitting the newspapers you understand that's not the kind of publicity
40:56I want on this picture I have a completion deal with friends and I'm talking about some very big
41:03people a movie like this doesn't need a scandal
41:07yeah love story isn't it that's right
41:13what about Nigel Breen I want to work with him too
41:17you got it
41:20I suppose if you're right I should thank you
41:23don't mention it Mort
41:35oh hi Mort just finishing the copy of the press handouts
41:38the sun rang and want a picture of Gene and Kenny in bed together so I told him to ring
41:42you
41:42I'll see what I can do
41:44is Nathan around
41:45no he's at the studio looking for Nigel
41:47he said he could straight back
41:49what's he doing hanging around at the studio
41:50I don't know
41:51he came in really uptight this morning for about five minutes and then ran out again
41:55and then Nathan appeared and said he wanted to talk to Nigel so I said I thought I'd gone over
41:59to the set
42:00Nigel's supposed to be checking out the locations for the inserts
42:03what's he doing hanging around at the studio
42:05well he didn't say that's where he was going I just thought he must be that's all
42:08nobody tells me anything about locations for inserts
42:11you get a hold of the studio
42:12you get a hold of one of them and you tell them to get over here now
42:16you tell them I'm waiting here
42:20it's no problem we can wait here
42:28is this Nigel's desk darling
42:35hey Mort
42:37do you ever give Nigel anything to write anything down on or do you keep it all in his head
42:40what are you talking about young man
42:43a bit sparse innit
42:46Marilyn get your ass in here
42:53well no one seems to have seen Nigel but Nathan is apparently on his way back
42:57did Nigel clear his desk before he left
42:59well I don't
43:01oh I suppose he must have
43:03why would he do a thing like that
43:04lack of evidence
43:05you've been tumbled Sonny
43:07yeah
43:07I think I know I've been tumbled by too
43:10twice
43:10what about Stone does he keep his papers here
43:13there's some gear of his in my desk
43:15look will somebody tell me what's happening
43:20still some stuff here
43:21Marilyn didn't he say anything to you
43:23didn't you notice what he was doing for Christ's sakes
43:25no he's always like that isn't he
43:26running about in a flap
43:27he just came in and banged about and went out again that's all
43:30yeah for good
43:31what
43:33Marilyn get me that for
43:34hello Mort
43:35what are you doing here
43:37we were about to ask you the same question
43:39Walter
43:40what the hell do you think you're doing Stan
43:42not this time laddie
43:47not this time
43:49I'm going straight
43:50I've been in a cult of you for five years
44:00what the hell are you standing there for
44:02help me up
44:06he hit me
44:07the bastard hit me
44:10yeah he did didn't he
44:12it's going to be quite a bad one that Mort
44:14quite a shiner
44:22I saw it last night
44:25Mort kept telling everyone
44:26he bumped into a door
44:28but somehow I don't think anybody believed him
44:30no
44:31no
44:32still
44:32it'll keep stone locked up till they can find a bigger chance to throw at him
44:36which won't take long
44:37because from what I can understand there's about twenty grand gone missing
44:39it's all in bits and pieces
44:41all in cash
44:44still that's not a bad supplement to their salary
44:46I guess not
44:48listen I'm sorry about your necklace duchess
44:49I reckon that's halfway to Acklepool going Nigel's handbag by now
44:52there's not much we can do about it
44:54well I have a little confession to make to you Jimmy
44:57yeah
44:58what's that
45:01I found it
45:05you did what?
45:06I had George clear out the car the day you took over it was in the glove box
45:11I guess I must have taken it off and put it there on the way to the studio and clean
45:15forgot about it
45:16well why the bloody hell didn't you tell me what have I been doing chasing scotch mist
45:20no you did exactly what I'd hoped you'd do
45:24you got the maggots out of the cheese and you did the picture a favor
45:32you mean you knew about that little caper?
45:34I had a pretty good idea yeah
45:35I mean I may not be a studio accountant but I've been around this business long enough
45:42to tell Pepsi from coke you know what I mean
45:45and we have enough cockroaches in this game with our breeding guys like brain and Nathan Stern
45:50so I figured if I let you kick enough stones around something was going to crawl out from under
45:57and it did
45:59oh you're not mad at me are you?
46:05no I'm not mad at you
46:07I mean neckless schmeckless I like you
46:10hey did I give you your money?
46:12yeah you paid me I'm on your side duchess
46:14oh good
46:15and um
46:18you don't mind um
46:20man alive and mate to the airport do you?
46:24my privilege
46:25darling
46:28listen Jimmy
46:29tell me if anything ever comes up in LA I'll call you huh
46:35you do that duchess
46:36I'll swim over sort it out for you
46:42say how did Vanessa find out about you?
46:45I'm sure I didn't tell her
46:47ah she must have worked it out
46:50I must admit I uh it was only quite a wrong
46:53bit of an unguarded moment
46:56yeah I can imagine which bits were unguarded
47:00laugh
47:01ha ha ha ha
47:29She'd probably never win any Oscars.
47:32But she was some client to work for.
47:34The fact that she took everything with a pinch of Valium
47:36probably had something to do with it.
47:38But we've all got our little habits.
47:40Now she was gone,
47:42it was definitely going to seem a bit impoverished
47:44round here for a bit.
47:47No Rolls-Royce,
47:49and no more Vanessa to get wrapped round the ashtray with.
47:53Still, if she ever needed a Robert Mitchum type
47:56and a big hat and an old raincoat,
47:57she knew where to find me.
47:59And for 50 quid a day,
48:01I'd have me eyelids count as something to look apart.
48:06You were born one morning,
48:10woke up where the ceiling fell.
48:15Born one morning,
48:17woke up where the ceiling fell.
48:22You learned everything you knew at six days on the seventh day.
48:27You knew it very well.
48:30You trusted pretty woman.
48:33A pretty woman had you tied and bound.
48:38You trusted in the bottle.
48:41But in the end,
48:42the bottle got you down.
48:45You've tried everything that's going.
48:48But leave it all to faith this time around.
48:52You've been down so long,
48:55you've been down so long,
48:56it looks like her.
48:58Ain't that a shame?
49:01Down so long,
49:03it looks like her.
49:06Ain't that a shame?
49:08You know your life might change tomorrow.
49:11And then again,
49:13it might stay just about the same.
49:26It might stay just about the same.
49:31You
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