- 1 day ago
First broadcast 9th November 2012.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Sue Perkins
Ross Noble
Julia Zemiro
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Sue Perkins
Ross Noble
Julia Zemiro
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:07And welcome, welcome to an episode of QI that is all about Jeopardy.
00:16Joining me to fight crime, fear and disorder tonight, Wonder Woman, Julia Zemiro.
00:26And Supergirl Sue Perkins.
00:32A boy wonder, Ross Noble.
00:39And our own Danger Mouse, Alan Davis.
00:48So, buzzers, please, Julia goes.
00:55Oh, that's Jeopardy.
00:57And Sue goes.
01:03Definitely worth doing twice.
01:06Ross goes.
01:10And Alan goes.
01:12Vehicle reverting.
01:16Well, they are quite dangerous vehicles.
01:18Yes.
01:18Good choice.
01:19Yes, absolutely.
01:19Well, we must be vigilant because danger stalks us from the moment we wake up to the moment we retire.
01:25How far can you go on a cup of joe?
01:29A cup of joe being in Americanism for?
01:31Java coffee?
01:32Coffee, a cup of coffee.
01:33I thought it was an insane cat.
01:35You can actually ride on the back of joe.
01:38That is a somewhat caffeine-crazed cat.
01:41That's a flat white too many for that little kitty.
01:43It is rather.
01:44How far you can actually go in terms of energy?
01:48No, it's actually more literal than that.
01:51If you're carrying a cup of coffee, how far can you go before you spill it?
01:57This is actually all down to science.
01:59What is the science of the movement of liquids called?
02:02Oh, wobble-ology.
02:06Fluid dynamics.
02:07Yes.
02:08Fluid dynamics is a whole science.
02:11Fluid dynamics.
02:11It's a whole science and the most important one and much has been discovered as a result of fluid dynamics.
02:15It's a very useful and fruitful area of discovery.
02:19But one of the things they've discovered is that the average human stepping pace happens to cause an oscillation,
02:27which means that between seven and ten steps you are going to spill the coffee.
02:32You will set up a series of wave movements.
02:34That means the furthest you can go is probably about ten steps before you will definitely have spilled some coffee.
02:40This is the Mrs. Overall effect.
02:41Yeah, exactly.
02:44So, like, a long jumper could still perform and drink before it's spilled, because that's only three.
02:50Well, that's true, but I think...
02:51I think we're talking about a normal walking pace rather than the hops, skipping the jump or a long run.
02:58But it is a peculiar fact and it's verifiable by trial.
03:01Some scientists need some serious proper work for getting on.
03:06Well, it was probably from not doing proper work.
03:09They probably went down and just went, should we get a coffee?
03:11And they went, oh, I'm meant to be working.
03:13Right, measure me.
03:16It has to be said, it is the University of California in Santa Barbara,
03:19which is known as the Surfers University for slackers in California,
03:23though I'm sure that's deeply unfair on a highly respectable academic institution.
03:28But they suggest a flexible container to act as a sloshing absorber
03:31with a series of annular ring baffles.
03:34So, they're suggesting the...
03:36Annular ring baffles!
03:37That's...
03:37That's a...
03:37Sorry, take off of it, surely.
03:39Annular ring baffles!
03:41You can order them online, can't you?
03:44I'll tell you what, the amount of times my annular has been baffled.
03:49I'm always down the hospital.
03:50Baffle your rings, eh?
03:52Annular ring baffles is a bit of a tautology, because annular means ring-like anyway,
03:56so it's a bit...
03:57Annular ring baffle.
03:59You need to take the baffle out of your exhaust pipe to make it louder.
04:01That's right, yeah.
04:02I mean, baffling is...
04:03It's sound muffling, isn't it?
04:05But it's also absorbing waves, and that's essentially the same thing,
04:08because if you're muffling sound, you're absorbing the waves.
04:11If you put a baffle in your anus, that'll make you have quiet farts.
04:15I suppose so.
04:17I suppose it would.
04:20Until pressure built up to such a stage.
04:23And then you're potentially lethal.
04:25And then you could have someone's eye out in the aisle of waiters,
04:28which you wouldn't want.
04:29No.
04:29But there have been more, obviously, useful...
04:32Baffle your rings, eh?
04:35LAUGHTER
04:35There have been more useful applications for this business,
04:40this whole resonance business of building up frequencies
04:43that cause oscillations that can be dangerous.
04:46Have you seen Albert Bridge in London?
04:48There's a particular sign.
04:49Yes.
04:50It sort of leads from Chelsea.
04:51There it is.
04:51It's a famous sign.
04:52It's a rather beautiful, one of London's most beautiful bridges.
04:54All troops must break step when marching over this bridge.
04:57Why would that be?
04:58Something to do with an oscillation.
05:00Yeah, exactly.
05:01If you're marching in rhythm,
05:02chung, chung, chung, chung, chung.
05:05You might set up a resonance that would cause the bridge to collapse.
05:08So the marching creates an oscillation,
05:10which creates an unstable structure,
05:11which means the bridge can act like one of those sort of pirate ship rides
05:14on a, you know, when a local fair comes.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Absolutely.
05:18And that's why Michael Flatley can never get north of the Thames.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23It's amazing.
05:25He's furious.
05:26Yeah.
05:26He's always wanted to go to Madame Tussauds.
05:29Yeah.
05:30Right now, he's hit the elephant and cattle,
05:32going, ah, I can't believe it.
05:33I want to go and see the Queen.
05:34I just can't get over there.
05:36It's a blatant nightmare, so it is.
05:38It's a shocking state of affairs.
05:39Yeah, his crazy legs.
05:40And in fact, those leather pants as well.
05:41But talking of crossing the Thames,
05:42there's another bridge other than the Albert Bridge,
05:44where that problem arose, the Millennium Bridge,
05:47between St Paul's and Tate Modern,
05:49the Wibbly Wobbly Bridge, as it was known,
05:51close to two years,
05:52and it cost five million pounds to put right...
05:54Well, I think that was...
05:55..the fact that it was twisting in the wind.
05:57That was mainly because Russell Watson was making videos on it.
06:00Yeah.
06:00Every time you see any Russell Watson video,
06:02it's him by the Thames looking out into the distance.
06:05There's nothing wrong with that bridge.
06:07No, but there's...
06:08You've got Flatley up one end,
06:09you've got Watson up the other.
06:11LAUGHTER
06:11It's a nightmare.
06:12Yeah.
06:12Good.
06:13Well, I think we've done...
06:14LAUGHTER
06:16Now, what's smaller than the moon
06:19and keeps moving the sea around?
06:23Small...
06:24Is it...
06:24Is it a seal on caffeine?
06:27LAUGHTER
06:27No.
06:28Is it one of our other moons?
06:30No, it's not a moon of any kind.
06:31It's not a celestial body.
06:32It's a marine creature.
06:34Like a big whale?
06:35Yes.
06:35Yes.
06:36Oh.
06:36This better be the blue whale.
06:38It so is not the blue whale.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:40Is it an animal that lives in the sea,
06:42that moves the sea with its mass?
06:45Is it a colony thing?
06:46Well, yes.
06:47Ultimately, with its combined mass.
06:49Oh!
06:49Oh!
06:50Yes.
06:51Many, many, many fish.
06:52Like a school of...
06:55Forming a school of...
06:57Fish.
06:57No.
06:58It actually accounts for 40% of the biomass of the ocean.
07:03Algae.
07:03No.
07:04It's amazingly not.
07:05Cola tins.
07:06But it's not a fish.
07:07No.
07:08We call it a fish, but it isn't a fish.
07:10Jellyfish.
07:11Jellyfish is the right answer.
07:13Ah, genius right here.
07:13It's quite extraordinary.
07:15Now, it used to be believed that a jellyfish propelled itself by squirting water out of the back,
07:20as it were, by jet propulsion.
07:22But it's been discovered by the scientists of Caltech that it's actually slightly more complex.
07:27And what these jellyfish do is they essentially cause an enormous amount of the water at the top,
07:33which is oxygen rich, to go down to the bottom.
07:36And a lot of the water at the bottom, which is full of nutrients, to go to the top.
07:41And they keep the circulation of the water extremely healthy.
07:45And it might contribute to a trillion watts of energy,
07:49which is easily as much as wind or tidal pull.
07:52And they also mix the cold with the deep warm water at the surface.
07:56I've got one I put in the bath, so I don't have to do that.
07:59Yeah, they have to do that.
08:02Oh, my God.
08:03Up your end.
08:04Get back up your end.
08:05I don't want stinging.
08:06So they're like the mixer tap of the ocean?
08:08They are the mixer tap of the ocean.
08:10It's a very good way of putting it.
08:11But they can be malign as well.
08:13It so happened in 1982 that a ship had in its bilge water a particular one called the Neopsis ledii,
08:22which is a comb jelly, from North America.
08:25And they arrived and had no local predator.
08:29In less than a decade, the population had reached a biomass of one billion tonnes in the Black Sea,
08:38which is where they were.
08:39And one billion tonnes is ten times the weight of all the fish we catch every year around the world.
08:46And it destroyed everything.
08:48Fortunately then, another carnivorous jellyfish arrived.
08:51And it only eats them near meopsis.
08:53And so it ate them all.
08:54And once it had eaten them all, the balance was restored and the fish returned.
08:58Just one of these things turned up.
09:01No, a few in the bilge water.
09:03It's not its holidays.
09:04No, enough to breed.
09:06But my God, did they breed.
09:07Isn't that extraordinary?
09:08There's just little jellyfish that look so kind of light and nothingness of 40% of the biomass of the
09:14ocean.
09:15I think that's quite interesting.
09:17How many jellyfish are there here?
09:21In that picture?
09:22Yeah.
09:23What is it, one with a very flamboyant hat on?
09:29Sorry, where are the words, with a flamboyant hat?
09:33It was the one that was enough.
09:35But it is a flamboyant hat.
09:36The flamboyant hat gives it its name.
09:38If you've ever seen a Portuguese conquistador, they wore hats like that.
09:42They didn't have many in Croydon.
09:43They didn't, no, but...
09:45Is it a man o' war?
09:47A Portuguese man o' war is what it is, but it's not...
09:50I'll give you a clue that it's not a jellyfish.
09:53And it isn't even a single creature.
09:55Portuguese man o' war is not one animal.
09:58It's a colony of animals.
10:00That operate together as one.
10:03Like the Borg.
10:04Incredibly.
10:05Yes, we are...
10:06We are Borg.
10:07Exactly.
10:08We are jellyfish.
10:09What is it called the men o' war then?
10:11I know it should be, because originally it was a jellyfish.
10:13Many people didn't understand that.
10:14And they said they called it the Portuguese man o' war, because it looked like a Portuguese
10:17helmet on the top.
10:18The inflatable bladder along the top is one creature which provides buoyancy and works
10:24as a sail.
10:25The tentacles are separate and carry the coiled spring-loaded harpoons, which have the most incredible speed.
10:35They explode in 700 billionths of a second, which is the fastest known animal mechanism on earth and very painful.
10:44And there are other creatures that make part of this colony.
10:48Gastrozoids, which digests the food, and gonozoids, which are the gonads, the sexual reproduction part of it.
10:55So they're separate?
10:56So you've got...
10:56They're actually separate creatures.
10:57The stomach floats along, and then you've got the gonads behind.
11:00Yep.
11:01So the stomach's looking for its bollocks, essentially, in the middle of the earth.
11:04It's called a siphonophore, that kind of a creature.
11:07And because they drift passively, they collect in vast herds of thousands or so.
11:12And that's why the appearance of one is enough to clear an Australian beach, as you probably know.
11:17Mm.
11:17Because one tends to mean there's going to be lots, and the sting is very painful.
11:2110,000 Australians a year, on average, receive a Portuguese man-of-war sting.
11:26Not pleasant.
11:27Toughens you up, though.
11:28No, exactly.
11:29I mean, that's life, isn't it?
11:31Exactly.
11:31One day it'll toughen you up enough to win a test match against us.
11:34Um...
11:36Um...
11:36Um...
11:37Come on.
11:38Come on.
11:39Absolutely.
11:43How many times in history have I been in a position to be able to say that?
11:46Oh, I know, and I enjoyed it so much.
11:49Exactly, exactly.
11:50Um...
11:51A man-of-war can hurt you, but not kill you.
11:54But what is Australia's deadliest creature, in fact?
11:57Oh.
11:58Yeah.
11:59Rupert Murdoch.
12:00No!
12:01That's a good answer.
12:09After Rupert Murdoch.
12:10Sorry about how the fact he came here.
12:12After Rupert Murdoch.
12:13Excluding a member of the human race, which I'm not sure whether that does or not, but
12:16anyway, um...
12:17Are we talking about deadliest in terms of, like, its actual killing ability?
12:22Causes the most fatalities of the year.
12:23I would say the kangaroo.
12:24No.
12:24It's not the kangaroo.
12:26Is it the spiders?
12:27The funnel web?
12:28The red...
12:29It's not bad!
12:31Spiders!
12:32It's gonna be something on the road, isn't it?
12:34It's the box jellyfish.
12:36No, it's not.
12:37That is a nasty creature.
12:39Is it people?
12:40Is it rabbits?
12:40Is it rabbits running in front of utes, or some sort of...
12:44You're certainly right that most of the deaths caused by animals in Australia are caused
12:48on the road.
12:49But the animal that is most responsible...
12:51Crocodile?
12:51Is it man?
12:53I'll tell me of all...
12:59Snake.
13:00Shark?
13:01No.
13:02Can you say no?
13:03Is it cat?
13:04I was not born there.
13:06It's not a bit of cat, though.
13:07In the year under...
13:08The sample year, we're taking one human being in Australia was killed by a cat that year.
13:12But 128...
13:15A cunning plan executed skilfully and quietly.
13:17Is it...?
13:18It's the road.
13:19The road's involved.
13:20Often the road's involved.
13:20Are the people in a car at the time?
13:22Sometimes, yes.
13:24Oh, a kite.
13:24But sometimes they're on the animal involved.
13:28They're on the...
13:28Horses?
13:29Oh, it's a horse.
13:30A horse, yes.
13:31A horse.
13:32More people are killed by horses than the horses.
13:34Really?
13:35A very angry horse.
13:36That one needs a dental hygiene appointment ASAP.
13:39It certainly does.
13:40It seriously does.
13:40Yeah, because they fall off and break their neck or indeed they cause car crashes and so on.
13:45And horses kill three times more than the ones you've mentioned.
13:47Is it because people just maybe haven't ridden...
13:50They don't ride horses often and then all of a sudden they decide,
13:53Oh, I did this once as a kid and they go on a horse and then actually...
13:56I mean, they're incredible animals.
13:57They're very powerful.
13:58You just can't think...
13:59Incredibly powerful and incredibly stupid and incredibly nervous.
14:01They're shy.
14:02They rear.
14:03They...
14:03They're frightened.
14:05What's that?
14:05It's a head.
14:09It's a piece of paper.
14:13When we lived in Australia, my wife bought a horse.
14:15And she's desperate to try and get me to ride, right?
14:17So she said, I bought this horse.
14:19It's really docile and you'll be fine.
14:21They never are.
14:22So I got...
14:22Well, no, there was actually the problem was it was too docile.
14:25What happened was it ended up being studied by Melbourne University
14:29because, yeah, because it was one of the few horses that was medically got narcolepsy.
14:37So I swear to God, the horse is one of the rare cases of a narcoleptic horse.
14:45So she buys this horse and she said...
14:47She couldn't work out why every time she'd...
14:49When she was grooming it, it would get heavier.
14:52And it would go...
14:54Oh, oh, oh, oh, like that.
14:56And so she couldn't groom it because it would fall on her.
14:59So she says to me, it's fine.
15:01The horse is narcoleptic.
15:02Get on it.
15:04And so I got on it in full motorbike gear because I wasn't taking any chances.
15:08And I sat on this horse and it started to just...
15:13And you know, normally you kick a horse to make it go.
15:15This one, you kicked it.
15:16And we'd go, what?
15:17Hey, like that.
15:19And I had a friend and he never came to visit us, unfortunately.
15:22But I got a friend over here who's got narcolepsy himself.
15:25And that would have been the funniest thing.
15:29Because he would have been on the back of the horse.
15:31And then, like, if they got it intact, obviously it would be a bit rubbish
15:34if he was awake and the horse went.
15:36And he's like, well, and then the horse got that just...
15:38So where's the time?
15:39Could you imagine, like, as a cowboy film, a narcoleptic...
15:43Ah.
15:44The two of them.
15:45That's right.
15:45Genuine narcoleptic horse, which...
15:48And sometimes it would fall asleep against the electric fence.
15:52It's not.
15:52It would go like that.
15:54Oh!
15:55Oh!
15:57It's like Jack Douglas from the carry-on.
15:59Oh, that's my kind horse, frankly.
16:04Yeah.
16:05But it is the horse, anyway, that turns out to be the deadliest animal.
16:08Followed by the cow, 20 deaths from cow.
16:11Those are mostly on the road again.
16:12And then dog, 12 deaths from dogs.
16:15Sharks killed 11 in this particular period we're looking at.
16:18Though last year was a very bad year for shark deaths.
16:21Yeah, it was a bad year.
16:21Particularly in Western Australia, I know, in Perth.
16:23Apes by snakes, which is amazing because Australia has something like 80 or 90%
16:28of all the deadly snakes on Earth.
16:31Crocodiles, alligators, only four.
16:33Spiders, only three.
16:34And one person killed by a cat.
16:37Oh, what a cat!
16:38Yes.
16:39And so, did you see that woman that she had a bum bitten off by a shark?
16:45And they did a, you know how they do face transplant?
16:47They did a bum?
16:48They didn't put a face on a bum.
16:50They didn't put a face on a bum.
16:53That's Ron Whittacombe.
16:54That's Ron Whittacombe.
16:56Yeah, and there was a, so she actually had a bum transplant.
17:00Who donates their bum?
17:02Well, they say, yes, I'd, I'd, not just do my organs.
17:05I could do with one button.
17:06Yes.
17:07Like your kiddie, you could do with one.
17:08But that's easier bum.
17:09That's just a bit of flesh.
17:10You could get that from anywhere.
17:11I don't see, that's amazing.
17:13You could harvest that off somebody while you're queuing at the supermarket.
17:16That's just flesh.
17:16You could do with one buttock.
17:17You could...
17:18One buttock?
17:19Because that's how you create the fart.
17:21That would be...
17:23Where's the joy in life of going, oh, here it comes.
17:35You could measure our felicity by flatulence, it has to be said.
17:38I'm not sure that it's the wobble, it's the vibrating of the buttocks.
17:41It makes the noise.
17:43It makes the noise.
17:44You want to get it baffled.
17:45Yeah.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Yeah, indeed.
17:49We discovered in series G that spiders are not deadly as such, but they are aggressive,
17:55of course, and they are certainly cannibalistic.
17:57If you put 10,000 spiders in one room, you'd eventually end up with one enormously fat spider.
18:02And the works of Shakespeare.
18:04Yes.
18:06Anyway, horses kill twice as many Australians as any other creature.
18:10How did you defend yourself against this beast?
18:13Boy.
18:14Oh.
18:15What the hell is that?
18:17What is it, Stephen?
18:19I can't...
18:19It's a dinosaur.
18:20Yeah.
18:21It's a dinosaur called Frutadens hagarorum.
18:24It's a weird-looking dinosaur.
18:25It is a weird-looking one.
18:27It's a quite friendly-looking one in a strange sort of way.
18:29Well, if you ignore the massive great spear it's got for a tail.
18:32Yeah, that is pretty big.
18:33It's got a lovely fringe there.
18:34It's actually...
18:36It's actually feathered.
18:37Oh, feathered fringe.
18:38And it has front fangs upwards very unusual.
18:41Front fangs and a feathered fringe?
18:43Are you Ronnie Barker?
18:48The surprising thing about it, I suppose, is that we have this view of dinosaurs,
18:53which is allowed to do with their size.
18:55The way to deal with that would be just to squash it with your foot,
18:58because it's tiny.
18:59Oh.
19:00It's basically about four inches tall.
19:02It's the smallest dinosaur we know about.
19:05Tiny, whiny little dinosaur.
19:07Yeah, absolutely.
19:08Four inches, that's it.
19:09Was it a herbivore or an omnivore?
19:11Oh, no.
19:12Paris Hilton would have that in a flash.
19:14Yeah, exactly.
19:14It's about the size of a chihuahua.
19:16A tiny chihuahua.
19:17It had plants and worms, and some people think frogs, possibly.
19:22It lived in the late Jurassic period 150 million years ago,
19:26dodging between the legs of all the allosaurus and brachiosauruses.
19:30It's called frutardens because the first fossilised remains of one
19:35were found in frutard, which you may remember is a town in Colorado
19:39which gave the world Mike the Headless Chicken,
19:42who was a hero of a QI episode so many years ago.
19:45Oh, yeah.
19:46Yeah, it's a bit of a coincidence.
19:47He lived for years.
19:47So it's probably a scavenger.
19:49It was the dinosaur equivalent of a rat, probably.
19:52Four inches.
19:52That thing's four inches.
19:53Four inches, yeah.
19:54Amazing, isn't it?
19:55What?
19:56Ornithsikia is the name of its family, bird-hipped, that means,
19:59and its closest living relative is a bird.
20:02Oh.
20:02As you probably know, a lot of people think that all dinosaurs
20:05were ancestors of birds.
20:07And it's certainly true that recent experiments have been able
20:10to trigger the ancient dinosaur genes.
20:14They've managed to produce chicken embryo that grew curved dinosaur fangs
20:19by triggering dormant genes that are not usually triggered
20:22in the birth of a chicken.
20:23I bet Colonel Sanders is shit himself.
20:25Yeah, exactly.
20:27And then they grew one with a small tail.
20:29Not a feathery tail, but a real tail.
20:31And paleontologist Jack Horner, who wrote a book called
20:33How to Build a Dinosaur, predicts the imminent arrival
20:36of the world's first chicken-a-saurus.
20:39Oh, no.
20:39Basically a chicken with fangs, tails and arms.
20:41You're talking crazy stuff.
20:43I know, it is crazy stuff, isn't it?
20:44It would have scared the little daylights out of the tiny...
20:46They'll still make the KFC Fang-a-saurus burger.
20:48You know they will.
20:49Yeah, they will.
20:50But no dinosaur was bigger than what?
20:52What is the biggest living creature that has ever existed on the planet?
20:56The T-Rex?
20:57Or that giant tall one there?
20:58No, I said no dinosaur was ever bigger than the biggest living...
21:02The whale.
21:03The blue whale!
21:04Well, it was your chance to be right with the blue whale, Alan.
21:07The blue whale is bigger than any dinosaur.
21:09I know.
21:11Oh, bum-a-rooney.
21:13I'm so sorry.
21:14But there still are very small reptiles.
21:16In fact, I've been to Madagascar and had one.
21:18It's called a Brooks-ear chameleon, a little pygmy chameleon.
21:20And I've had one right on my finger.
21:21You can see that.
21:23Aw.
21:23That's what I mean.
21:24They are perfect, perfect chameleons.
21:26Was it tasty?
21:27Chameleons.
21:27Aw.
21:29It is, of course.
21:30If you hear the chameleons.
21:31It's just the most beautiful thing.
21:33Went from night walking in the woods of Madagascar and came across it.
21:36Obviously incredibly easy to miss.
21:38And they sit there quite happily on their finger.
21:39And they are exactly perfect chameleons.
21:42Their eyes do the same thing of swivelling in all directions.
21:45Right.
21:46So, if you're threatened by a frutadens dinosaur, the best thing is probably to squish it with
21:50your foot.
21:51How did blind King John of Bohemia find his way around the battlefield?
21:56Like that.
21:59Well, he...
22:00By saying, where are we?
22:01He must have helped us.
22:02Somebody must have helped you.
22:03Well, they did.
22:04And there was a particular way.
22:04He became king of Bohemia in Poland as a teenager.
22:07And he loved war.
22:09And that was his undoing because he developed ophthalmia and became blind.
22:13But that didn't stop him from wanting to fight.
22:15And he joined up with Philip the Fourth of France and made the big mistake of taking
22:21on Britain.
22:22No, you don't do that.
22:24Oh, no.
22:25We get the dusty old cane out of the cupboard and we give Johnny Frenchman a damn good slapping.
22:33So, this is the Hundred Years War?
22:35This was indeed...
22:36In 1346, 30,000 troops of Philip, including blind John of Bohemia, died at the battle.
22:43And 200 English died.
22:45Oh!
22:46That is embarrassing.
22:47That is a bit embarrassing, isn't it?
22:48That's a whitewash.
22:48It is a bit of a whitewash.
22:50But many people regard that battle as the end of chivalry because we cheated by using
22:55longbows and cannon.
22:56You see?
22:57And the French were used to hand-to-hand combat.
22:59And they just couldn't go.
23:00We did a lot of that.
23:00Didn't play fair.
23:01I spit in your face.
23:04Let's have a little wine before we begin.
23:06You know?
23:06Just a little...
23:07We had a technological advantage.
23:09I think after 20,000, the other 10,000 would think, do you know what?
23:11I'm going to check with him.
23:13Well, actually, John of Bohemia's son, Charles, did run away very sensibly and had a very successful
23:18life.
23:18He became a highly creditable Holy Roman Emperor and presided over a golden age of Bohemia.
23:23Who goes in and cleans up this mess?
23:25Oh, there's a lot of scavenging, I'm afraid, of the dead bodies.
23:28It's a pretty nasty business, those battles.
23:30But, importantly, John did fight.
23:32What he would do is, as it were, he would have a rider to the left of him and a
23:36rider to
23:36the right of him and he would be lashed to them and they pointed him in the right direction
23:40and he would just wheel the way.
23:42The two of them, surely, would just ride well away from him.
23:46You got him, sir.
23:47You got him.
23:48Here's another one.
23:48Well done, sir.
23:49Just bash swords together.
23:52Unfortunately...
23:54The whistle of arrows.
23:57Oh, that was a close one.
23:58Oh, I'm hit, sir, I'm hit.
24:01That's what you and I would do, but unfortunately they were too stupid and they did indeed dart
24:05into the fray.
24:06Is this what they wore?
24:07One's got one of those perfume bottles and a pineapple in his head.
24:10Yes, it does at most people.
24:11The other one's wearing one of those things that you squeeze an orange with.
24:14Oh, yes, that's right, it is.
24:16A lemon juicer kind of thing.
24:18Did he ask for that costume or was it because he was playing with stick a pineapple on his head?
24:22That would be a laugh.
24:23You'll never know.
24:24How did they choose who would flank?
24:26I guess he just gave orders.
24:27You will go one side of me and you will go the other.
24:29In fact, that would be a great idea for blind people nowadays with the white stick.
24:33You know, there's some people who don't get out the way and don't pay them respect.
24:36I say, we get rid of the white stick, give them a sword down the street.
24:40Like that.
24:41Very good.
24:42That would work.
24:42People in wheelchairs, the old bodicea things out the side.
24:46Yes.
24:46Or a lightsaber.
24:48Exactly.
24:49Now we're talking.
24:50If you get those, are they real then?
24:53Oh, yeah.
24:54They're real.
24:54They're absolutely real.
24:56Womp, womp, womp.
24:57Exactly.
24:59Yeah.
25:00If you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than ever.
25:03LAUGHTER
25:08APPLAUSE
25:09And a little bit of a story when he became Catholic and when his son Matthew was about
25:17sort of eight, he decided to give him a crucifix for his birthday.
25:21So you may not appreciate it now, but one day you will find this extremely important and
25:28Matthew picked it up
25:34Well Lion King John of Bohemia did die in the battle of Cressy
25:37But so brave was he considered by the victor of Cressy the Black Prince that he took
25:43Blind John King of Bohemia's motto, which was German for I serve, do you know what that is?
25:49Where the bloody alama?
25:51Yes, yes, Prince of Wales
25:54Jean which is still still the motto of the Prince of Wales
25:58I serve and also that this is more controversial the three ostrich feathers that was a symbol of the Bohemian
26:03Prince
26:03And it all comes from blind King John of Bohemia
26:07Anyway, so that was the Battle of Cressy though the end of the days of chivalry the beginning of the
26:11machine wars if you like
26:13Longbows and cannons and so on but a great and cheating and cheating if you want to put it that
26:17way
26:17I'm speaking of riding into danger which fairground ride is most dangerous the wall of death
26:25The wheel of death the death slide or the euthanasia
26:36I've been on the wall of death. Yes, what is a wall of death?
26:40That's the bike thing where you go up as a sort of what gets you from falling sticky tape
26:47Oh
26:47audience
26:49Centipede falls and should be little petal for centipede falls like a salad spinners
26:52Yeah, yeah, if you like exactly
26:54Was it fun tumble dry a lot of fun my dad detached his retina
26:58Whoa
26:59Yeah, I've already got on it. What right here. We go
27:04Going King John a bohemian yes, and you stick oh my sister went on one of those right at the
27:10Kremlin in carnival and
27:12As it was going around there was a kid next to her with a goldfish in a bag and it
27:17exploded
27:21He couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't do anything about it. So they're on there
27:25like that
27:27And the two of them just started to go
27:29like that
27:29And then as it slowed down
27:32Poor little goldfish
27:34The wall of death is also I think an expression at heavy metal concerts
27:40Yes
27:40Just before some amazing song that's going to go off
27:44Um all the fans move out into two lines and leave like a passageway and before the most violent sort
27:50of song
27:51Reaches some crescendo. They all go
27:53Oh, that's absolutely right. It's a kind of moshing wall exactly which they fight and there has been a death
27:59at one of those in fact
28:00Well done for knowing that definite points there
28:03And the wall of death it was first seen in Coney Island in 1915
28:07There have been a few reported accidents, but no fatalities and we can add to that list two detached retinae
28:13Yeah, there was a there was one that a guy had a bear on wasn't that have you seen that
28:17with a car on a wall of death and there's a bear in the car
28:25The wheel of death is slightly harder to describe
28:27It's a kind of circus apparatus a beam attached to a tower the tower rotates about its center, and then
28:33the either of this
28:34Yeah, that's right and the acrobats stands inside and they're rotating inside something. It's also rotating
28:40So it's a kind of double rotation thing with no cables no safety cable
28:43No, it was invented 1933 is the space wheel and there were fatalities, and then it was brought back
28:491970s of the wheel of death and ironically since then they've been no safe. It's been safe. There's the glow
28:54of you seen the globe of death
28:55No, it's a like a mesh ball like that and you have one motorbike goes round like this
29:01With the other one goes. Oh my god the timing has to be so good
29:06The death slide is really better known as a zip wire
29:10But you are absolutely right that in theory the most deadly of them all is the euthanasia coaster
29:14It's a project to an art student in London called Julie Jonas or bonus. He's a Lithuanian
29:19PhD student it exists as a one in five hundred scale model and you can see there the idea is
29:25the ride would last three minutes a
29:27A two-minute ascent to the very very top. It's sixteen hundred foot. Oh god
29:32It's a very very high you don't have a minute
29:35223 miles per hour plunge
29:37down into those rolls like that during which you're pulling 10 G's of
29:42Centrifugal force in that case and that would kill the rider through what's called cerebral hypoxia in other words
29:47deprivation of oxygen to the brain
29:49I've got things in World of Adventure bought it there they haven't he believes his design of as a humane
29:55and
29:56Meaningful death. I don't know quite why it's meaningful
30:01Because you could actually build a chapel at the end
30:08And then the best thing of all is after the funeral you get a picture of your loved one
30:19Oh
30:25Well, he believes that he sent off as the chance for reflection and the riders can still pull out once
30:31they've reached the top
30:32If not death is painless quick and apparently euphoric
30:35So how they know I didn't know there's one in
30:38Auckland
30:40One of those ball things that you sit in and you don't have the bungee straps and they fire you
30:45up
30:45Oh, my goodness, but they make you wear like one of those surgical mask things
30:49Why are they wearing the surgical mask and apparently because it's right next to an office building people are trying
30:55to work and you hear
31:04Well, I predicted sales over the next one
31:07Oh
31:13I'm in there have this ride. We just go along and then you get to the edge of a vertical
31:18drop and it goes like that and everyone goes oh
31:21And then it just drops you straight down a hole in the ground
31:23Oh, good God if you sit in the cafe next to it you can see it out the window so
31:27why are you having your sandwiches?
31:28It's just every about every 60 seconds just
31:40I mean I know it's I mean roller coasters when I was a kid it was like oh, that was
31:45it, but now they're so extreme
31:46Yeah, I just I don't get the kind of exhilaration on a bungee jumped and that was so exciting immediately
31:53had to do it again
31:54I just absolutely loved it. Yeah, what about the guy what made his own bungee jump?
31:59Yeah, about him. That was stupid. I think he won a darwin award. Yeah
32:03He made his own bungee jump with a rope
32:09Well now it took his foot off
32:14His foot came off
32:15Well, that's just to Darwin awards are all about. Yeah, it certainly is so what's the biggest dead body in
32:22the world?
32:25Blue whale
32:36I'll give you a little hint. It's a body of water the Dead Sea
32:40Dead Sea
32:40Oh
32:42No, it isn't the Black Sea
32:44Yes
32:44Because of the jellyfish
32:45Yes, well not because of the jellyfish. The jellyfish it certainly made didn't help
32:49But the Black Sea
32:50Only the very top has any living things going on
32:53Ninety percent of it
32:54Absolutely dead
32:56And it is much much much much much much much bigger than the Dead Sea and much much dead
33:01And ninety percent as I say
33:03It's just simply nothing
33:05It's been dead for millennia
33:06So it's not our fault for once
33:08It's a very steep basin into which the upper and lower layers don't mix
33:12And the bacteria use up all the oxygen and you take the oxygen out of a sulphate you are left
33:16with hydrogen sulphide
33:17Which is the sort of rotten egg smell
33:20And the Black Sea is the largest reservoir of hydrogen sulphide on the planet
33:24And it's deadly
33:25Is there any use for that?
33:27Someone could devise a use for that?
33:28Some scientist who isn't busy measuring how long it takes to spill his coffee on the way back from the
33:31beginning
33:31Yes, they have already devised the use for it and that is as a poison to kill people
33:35Oh great
33:36Yeah
33:37It's the euthanasia rollercoaster to take off
33:39I'll tell you what, it's a hell of a botland
33:41Yeah
33:42In Japan in particular it's very very popular because you can use, you know, various household cleaners and pesticides to
33:48make it
33:48And 2,000 detergent suicides, as they're called, have been recorded in Japan since 2005
33:54So it's a single breath is enough to kill a human being
33:57It's almost as deadly as hydrogen cyanide
34:00It is, isn't it?
34:02It's a lot, isn't it?
34:03I know, it's pretty disturbing
34:04One of the dangers is that after the first leaf it doesn't smell of anything it kills the olfactory system
34:09And so 80% of people who turn up at the scene of a detergent suicide are themselves poisoned by
34:15the gas remaining because they can't smell it
34:17So it's really most unfortunate
34:20So there's not much cheerful about that, I have to say
34:23I'm sorry about that
34:24So we can cheer ourselves up
34:26What isn't a blue whale but floats around in the sea and weighs as much as a blue whale?
34:33Is it an elephant on holiday?
34:35An elephant doesn't weigh as much as a blue whale
34:38No, it's really
34:39A ship
34:40No
34:41A submarine
34:41No, it's something that the blue whale consumes
34:43A massive glilo
34:44A sphankton
34:44The blue whale can consume its own weight in
34:48Plankton
34:48Well, actually in water
34:49It dives all the way down and then dives up again with its mouth open
34:52And it swells and swells and swells and it literally can take on 90 tonnes of water
34:57Quite staggering some
34:59Got to love a blue whale
35:00Yeah
35:00That's right
35:01They do love a blue whale
35:02That's my thirsty mother
35:03They are marvellous
35:04They can actually take in something the size of a blue whale
35:06Not to swallow as you know because
35:08As we've discussed previously
35:10Grapefruit is the biggest thing they can actually get down their gullet
35:12But they get this gigantic amount of water inside them
35:15Really amazing
35:16Then they go really, really deep
35:18And no one's been able to go deep enough to find out what they do until very recently
35:21Just gossiping
35:22Just gossiping
35:23That's right
35:24Oh
35:25Having quizzes in which people say
35:27Really?
35:27Is the answer Alan Davies?
35:32Yes, well it is indeed
35:33The water in a blue whale's mouth weighs as much as a blue whale does
35:37Why shouldn't you mess with the maxillofacial death pyramid?
35:41Is it because it's got the word death in it?
35:45That is a hint
35:46The maxillofacial death pyramid
35:48What would maxillofacial mean?
35:51Maxillofacial is who you go to see when you get the broken teeth back
35:54Yeah, exactly
35:54It's the maxillary area of the jaw
35:56The top jaw isn't it?
35:57The pyramid is actually sort of there
36:00From the bridge of the nose down through the
36:02So it's like a facial Bermuda triangle
36:04There it is, yeah
36:04Yeah, yeah
36:05And it's basically about blood flow from the brain down
36:09If you've got little infections and things it goes down through there
36:12And then gets sorted out by the immune system
36:14But what can happen if you pick your nose and your spots and things
36:17Is you can get bacteria in it that sort of block it and force it all the way back up
36:22Into the brain
36:23Meningitis is an example of that and syphilis indeed
36:27From picking your nose?
36:28Well not from picking your nose
36:29Oh my god
36:32Yeah, that's how you get syphilis
36:33Yeah
36:33Yeah, yeah
36:34It slightly depends what you're picking it with
36:35Yeah
36:40That's how you explain it to the wife
36:41No, it's just picking my nose up
36:43I was...
36:44Must have spread
36:45Yeah
36:45There is a...
36:46There is actually a DIY hardcore punk band from Sheffield called the Maxino Facial Death Pyramid
36:53Oh, they really are
36:54Yeah, I like the sound
36:55It's quite a mouthful for asking for a ticket but they're probably excellent
36:58If you're watching, you know, I'm coming to your next concert
37:01You can absolutely guarantee it
37:03The internationally recognised signal for death metal bands
37:06Yeah
37:07Yeah
37:08So you've got to be a little bit careful about picking your nose
37:10Pleasurable an activity as it is
37:13You can die from it
37:14Yeah
37:15That's something to tell your children
37:17Well, they are
37:18Now, making hydrogen with nails and drain cleaner would be a very jolly jaype indeed
37:26Yes, I think
37:27So let's try it
37:28Yeah
37:28To prove that it's hydrogen, I'm going to have to set fire to it
37:31And they're going to set fire to it on my own hand
37:33So, first of all, I'm going to have a little, little basin of water I'm going to put here
37:36To dip my hand in, to wet it so I don't burn myself too badly
37:39And then I have my really excite...
37:43Oh, hello
37:44Made a mistake
37:45Sorry, man in my ear
37:47Furious with me
37:48What is he fucking doing?
37:50Put the water down
37:54He's...
37:55Do this properly or you will die
37:56Do you understand?
37:59No
38:00Start again, for fuck's sake
38:02He was much gentler than that
38:05He was very sweet
38:05So, anyway
38:07I've been told to tell you not to try this at home
38:12Try someone else's home
38:14Yeah, sorry
38:15The fire exits are there and there
38:18What I've got here is I've got some ordinary green-coloured washing-up liquid
38:24We're not allowed to mention its fairy
38:26Its name
38:29I've got a little chemical lab
38:30I don't know what you call this
38:32Flask
38:32Flask, I think is the word
38:33This is like going on a picnic with Heston Blumenthal
38:38It's got some nails in it
38:39Gonna add a few more
38:40A little bit of zinc
38:42And I've got here
38:43This is the hydrochloric acid, basically
38:45When are you going to put on the safety goggles, Stephen?
38:47I'm going to put on the safety goggles now
38:49Because I'm about to open the bottle of acid
38:50Put the fucking safety goggles on!
38:53Not only that
38:54But I've also got
38:55I've also got
38:56I've also got a
38:57I've also got a mask
38:58Here we go
39:00Turn that up
39:01Sorry, can I just start saying
39:03You're putting on safety
39:03Yeah
39:05You're putting on a mask
39:06You're putting on a mask
39:07You're fine
39:07You're expendable
39:10I may have the mask upside down
39:13It does tell you to put the mask on your children
39:16Before putting it on yourself
39:17As on an aeroplane
39:19Get the fucking mask upside down!
39:22Right, okay
39:23I've got the goggles
39:24Right
39:25I've got this
39:26Now what I'm going to do
39:27All right
39:27Is they're going to pour this acid
39:30Jesus
39:30Onto some nails
39:31Into the nails
39:33That's right
39:33Why?
39:34And the zinc
39:35And the hydrochloric acid
39:37Will react
39:37Has he been drinking?
39:38Has he been drinking?
39:39He's been drinking fat
39:40Oh there we go
39:41And that's going to produce quite a lot
39:43It's like get away
39:44It's like get away
39:45I now have to put this
39:47I have to put this cork in it
39:48Please
39:48If I put the cork in it tight enough
39:50It will come out of here
39:52And I put this in here
39:53And it will bubble up
39:55Right, that's important
39:58If you say so
39:59If the bubbles are made of hydrogen
40:02This is my contention
40:03And the only way to prove it is to grasp the bubbles
40:05I'm going to wet my hand now
40:06To be safer
40:08And to grasp these bubbles
40:09What the hell is that?
40:10Oh, I'm going to take the bubbles out
40:11It's like a sex practice
40:12I'm going to go
40:13Oh, God
40:15Oh!
40:16Oh!
40:18Oh!
40:19Oh!
40:19Oh!
40:21Oh!
40:21Oh, yeah!
40:26That's got even more bubbles
40:27That is great
40:28Stephen's goggles are so steamed up
40:30It's completely blind
40:31Even more bubbles
40:32Yeah, here we go
40:32It's blind as the blind King John of Bohemia
40:36Oh!
40:36Oh, come on
40:37Oh, work the lighter
40:38Oh, the lighter stopped working
40:39Oh!
40:40Oh!
40:43Oh!
40:43Let's try again
40:44One more
40:47Oh!
40:47Oh!
40:48Oh, come on
40:49Bloody lighter
40:50Expelliarmus
40:51Oh!
40:52Oh!
40:54We'll take that off now
40:55Wow
40:55I've made hydrogen, ladies and gentlemen
40:57Oh, yeah
40:59Wow
41:01We're very excited
41:02Pretty exciting
41:04Pretty exciting
41:04Let's cover that
41:05Put the lid on the attic
41:09There we are, we can let all the hydrogen disappear
41:13And our wonderful science elf said
41:17He's so scientific
41:18He said, don't touch that because it's exothermic
41:21It just means it's hot
41:23Hot
41:23It's hot
41:24Couldn't say hot
41:25Had to say exothermic
41:26That's the smell
41:27Can I just say
41:28It's quite the
41:29Can you smell?
41:29Pretty whiffy
41:29Pretty eggy whiffy
41:31Well, a bit of hydrogen sulphide probably in there that might kill you of course
41:34Let's hope not
41:35Let's hope at least you survive until we get to the scores
41:40Well, I have to say sadly in last place
41:46Isn't that bad?
41:48It's downwind
41:48Especially now, I know it's potentially fatal
41:50Yes it is
41:52It's not hydrogen sulphide, it's just hydrogen
41:56So, I'm afraid in last place but it's a very creditable last place
41:59And only just with minus 16 is Julia Zamiro
42:03Oh!
42:04Thank you
42:05Thank you
42:09And, to some extraordinary good fortune avoiding final place
42:13Third place with minus 14 Alan Davis
42:16Highly respectable
42:21And, my goodness, it's tight at the top with minus 7 in second place, Ross Noble
42:30So, that can only mean that our winner with a magnificent minus 6 is Sue Perkins
42:44So, it's goodnight from Sue, Ross, Julia, Alan and me
42:47Now you come back soon, now you're here
42:49Do that thing and be lovely to each other, goodnight
42:51All right
42:51I'd wait
42:51Thank you
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