- 1 day ago
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:00:13Dear friends, it's thinking. Think it. It's all here. The triumph of mind over matter.
00:00:23What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. It's thinking. It's thinking that counts. That's the secret. Your
00:00:33way to health and to happiness.
00:00:37Now, my friends, I want you to look at this woman. You won't believe this.
00:00:45But for many years, this poor creature has suffered from loss of hearing, or in technical terms, mutt and jackness.
00:00:57Medicine could do nothing for her. The doctors gave her up.
00:01:02That's right, dear, isn't it? That's right, dear. Chloe, they gave you up. Yes. It's not surprising.
00:01:14But... For years, I had suffered from loss of hearing. The doctors could do nothing for me. I did not
00:01:22know which way to turn.
00:01:24That's right, dear. Yes. Till one day, I had the good fortune to meet Mr. Biggar. It was he who
00:01:32taught me the power of thought. He showed me that the mind was stronger than the body.
00:01:39Well, that is enough.
00:01:47And now, while my assistant passes amongst you with the collection box, purely travelling expense, of course.
00:01:56No checks, please. Just notes. I will deliver my final message. You will be amazed. Look at me. I don't
00:02:10need doctors. I don't need medicine. And nor will you if you just think. Nothing. Nothing can happen to me.
00:02:21And believe me. Nothing will.
00:02:26Thank you, sir.
00:02:41Oh no. I'm just doing this to wind away the journey.
00:03:05Me
00:03:06I'm using Harry
00:03:20come on there's just a quick one while sister's out of the ward no mr. Roper
00:03:24dr. Tinkle says it's not good for you but I've been smoking for years well give
00:03:29us a kisser that's even worse for you what am I gonna do then you can take
00:03:35your medicine I bet you can too
00:03:56not again I've never known a bloke go as much as you you'll just kill us because
00:04:00you can't
00:04:07Fosdick ward nurse Clark bed tree yes sister wait a minute wait a minute aren't I
00:04:13gonna see a doctor all in good time mr. Bigger we must get our clothes off and
00:04:18get into bed first mustn't we we madam I have an affliction that will do nurse
00:04:46all right on to the bed please mr. Bigger I can't every moment is ugly come along come along we
00:04:53mustn't be a baby must we we must be a big brave boy how can I be a big brave
00:04:58boy I've got a painsy ways in me potty-wotty come along now
00:05:12more comfortable no oh there's something a moving about under my he's on my hand sister oh thank goodness for
00:05:23that I thought I was being got hit by something I'll try and find
00:05:26matron get his things off nurse wait a minute
00:05:30I don't my things off don't get my friend I'm not having much what are you doing
00:05:35that for look I'm not being exposed by you so now then
00:05:38Oh
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00:07:38bladder, sister. Oh, no, it wasn't that. It was the other. I wanted to go, so I went, but I
00:07:44couldn't.
00:07:45Oh, I see. Then we must try and make it easier for you, Mr. Biddle. Double the dose in future,
00:07:51sister. Oh, no. Back to your ward. Hurry along. Oh, you might have cut your nails. Well, will you
00:08:01take them off, then? No, I will not. Don't you dare. Oh, now, don't be a silly boy. Look, if
00:08:07I let you,
00:08:07would that make me a sensible one? What's going on here, nurse? Oh, sister, he won't let me take his
00:08:12underpants off, the silly boy. You're darn right I won't, and I'm not a boy, as you'd soon find out.
00:08:18Come now, Mr. Bigger. We don't want to lie in our nice, comfortable bed with our nasty old pants on,
00:08:24don't we now? Madam, what you do in your bed is your own affair. Mr. Bigger, all patients must wear
00:08:32pajamas or a bed gown. Look, I don't care about that. I'm not letting her take them off. I mean,
00:08:38her a mere chit of a girl, and me a fully matured male animal. Mr. Bigger. All right, sister,
00:08:43that's quite enough. I'll handle this. I don't suppose you regard me as a mere chit of a girl,
00:08:49Mr. Bigger. Oh, well, you said it. Very well, then. What? What's that?
00:08:55Sit down! Oh, do it! It wasn't so bad, was it?
00:09:05Well, they were a present. I can understand your reluctance to part with them. All right, nurse,
00:09:13put his bed gown on. I understand you are suffering from an acute pain in the region of the posterior.
00:09:21Oh, yes, not half. I am. Yes. Could you be a little more specific, Mr. Bigger? Where exactly is it?
00:09:29It's in the same place as everybody else's posterior, including yours. I was referring to the pain.
00:09:36All right, it's down here. There's a... Oh, no, that's far enough. I'll take it from there. Cheeky.
00:09:45Has the house man seen him yet? And no matron. Why not? Who's on duty this evening?
00:09:50Oh, Dr. Kilmore, matron. That explains it. Would you like me to go and fetch him, matron?
00:09:56Well, you may as well. It's the best we can do until Dr. Tinkle sees him tomorrow.
00:09:59I want the best treatment, you know. No experiments. I'm not a guinea pig.
00:10:03Oh, I agree, Mr. Bigger. More like a hamster.
00:10:07Oh!
00:10:18Have you been smoking, Mr. Roper?
00:10:32and so a great hospital swings into action its doctors nurses and orderlies working around the
00:10:38clock calmly coolly and efficiently to relieve the suffering of others dedicated and apparently
00:10:44without any emotions but as any television viewer knows appearances can be deceptive yes as in all
00:10:51hospitals there is high drama beneath the placid surface as in all humans a thousand passions and
00:10:57loves surge and tremble beneath the bed gowns the white jackets and the starched bosoms oh dear i
00:11:06must try and control my feelings when i see him please please don't let me blush
00:11:14i can't think of anything more perfect than the night and you and me god but you look absolutely
00:11:21stunning tonight breathlessly beautiful i've never seen such a lovely not bad not bad at all now what
00:11:33do i say so was it ah yes i don't know what it is but somehow you're you're completely different
00:11:41to
00:11:42all other girls may i may i take your coat oh what a beautiful neck quite irresistible
00:12:00forgive me i just had to do that doctor please darling just call me jim
00:12:07dr kilmore oh oh oh nurse clark excuse me doctor but there's a casualty in fostick oh good
00:12:25there doctor will be here in a moment i should hope so for all he knows i might be lying
00:12:29here with my
00:12:30my life ebbing away well it can happen you know you never can tell one moment you're here the next
00:12:36foot
00:12:41i think he's footed already what they got you in here for them something nasty no not really just a
00:12:48pain in
00:12:48the back last bloke in that bed had the same thing did he right up to the end oh that's
00:12:59cheering
00:13:02i'll say one thing for them it's a nice warm bed should be they only took him out half an
00:13:07hour ago
00:13:10this must be where they keep the cold
00:13:17oh how do you do i didn't know you were still with us yes well don't let me keep you
00:13:24conscious
00:13:24is this your first pardon is this your first first first what baby it's the first time for me
00:13:40never again though never again
00:13:55is he really collapsed no his wife is trouble was when she told him he collapsed and he's been here
00:14:02ever since don't let them tell you having one is easy i'm having a terrible time
00:14:11he should be in the paternity ward this is a mad house you'll get used to it
00:14:17you're lucky killmore's looking after you he's all right he is yeah but wait till old tinkle comes
00:14:22around call tinkle he's the registrar that means senior doctor and he's a first class b knows his job
00:14:30though yeah so does the hangman
00:14:39oh i say i'm terribly sorry matron that's another thermometer gone doctor well never mind you can
00:14:47still use it on people who are a bit around the bend this hospital just isn't big enough for birth
00:14:52of us dr kilmore oh now come on you're not all that big matron oh yes i see i hear
00:14:58you have a
00:14:58casualty for me yes nothing serious of course or i wouldn't have sent for you i have an idea she
00:15:05doesn't like me she doesn't like anybody the old well it's not as i bumped into her on purpose anyone
00:15:11would think i made a habit of it
00:15:17what's your trouble oh i had me appendix out appendix what about your leg oh no that happened when i
00:15:24fell
00:15:25off the operating table did you wish to go somewhere mr biddle i did but you frightened me out of
00:15:42it
00:15:43i wish you'd speak to mr biddle doctor he will keep wandering around the corridors well i think it's a
00:15:48good thing for him to get about as much as possible sister so long as he keeps well away from
00:15:52other
00:15:52wards of course oh don't worry i will doc right where's this uh casualty over here doctor good evening
00:16:01i'm dr kilmore and about time too i may say if this is the national health service take me back
00:16:07to
00:16:07the leeches well i'm sorry if i've kept you waiting mr bigger doctor mr francis bigger bigger francis
00:16:14bigger wait a minute that rings a bell you must be that chap who goes around saying that doctors and
00:16:21medicine are unnecessary well i i didn't exactly say that you see i deal with the mind of course yes
00:16:31you see if one thinks that nothing will happen to one nothing will what went wrong
00:16:39well i must have stopped thinking for the moment well let's have a look at you if you'll just turn
00:16:43over please well i can't i mean i mean i'm in agony help him would you sister
00:16:50hang on a sec back a bit me thing's caught i beg your pardon me
00:16:54stethoscope hurts a bit does it just a whimsy
00:17:02oh yes there's quite a bit of bruising there you landed on your coccyx i did not i fell on
00:17:08my back
00:17:08your coccyx is at the base of the spine mr bigger is it well it's the first time i've heard
00:17:13it called
00:17:13that well i don't think there's any fracture but we'll x-ray first thing tomorrow x-ray now what could
00:17:21be wrong oh well it's just a precautionary measure mr bigger i bet you say that to all the girls
00:17:26do you
00:17:27think you'll be able to sleep all right oh yes of course you've been a real comfort well i'll give
00:17:31you a local jab to kill the pain if you'll just turn over turn over here turn there i wish
00:17:37i'd never
00:17:37come here in the first place oh thank you nurse sorry sister fine now this isn't going to hurt
00:18:14good morning oh good morning i'm afraid i must have overslept
00:18:21what time is it six o'clock six o'clock in the morning yes that's right did you have a
00:18:29good night
00:18:29i'll let you know when it's over under the tongue mouth closed nurse have you any news now i'm afraid
00:18:39your baby hasn't arrived yet mr baron oh no well it should have done all night long i've been having
00:18:44the
00:18:44vapors don't tell me wet and windy you're quite normal mr bigger well i shan't be if i stay here
00:18:53much longer is it all right if i finish my sleep now by all means thank you sleep's good for
00:18:59you
00:19:06i don't know if that's not what i would call it
00:19:29washy time look I don't want washy time
00:19:34oh I wouldn't put that in my mouth if I were you might explode
00:19:37I hope not matron doesn't approve of banging in the wards
00:19:52right mr. Roper don't tell me it's gone up again
00:19:57oh I'm afraid so I don't understand it I just don't understand it there that's
00:20:06better isn't it yes I've been looking forward to that all night good morning
00:20:28I dreamt about you last night nurse did you no you wouldn't let me
00:20:56try and use it mr. Bigger thank you it's just what I needed
00:21:18no stop messing about we must do this again sometime I must congratulate you hardcastle you did a beautiful job
00:21:28the chap might even live providing you took the right one out of course
00:21:33oh I'm glad you enjoyed it dr. Tinkle and thank you for doing the sewing up for me
00:21:41it's quite a neat job that yes it was wasn't it I used a running chain stitch you
00:21:46know really much more decorative is that sorry I don't know I just don't seem to
00:21:52be able to handle a needle myself I don't know why allow me oh yeah thank you very
00:22:00much right well I'll be getting chained now yes the old butcher's apron off
00:22:05hey
00:22:08morning dr. Tinkle good morning major how are you this morning thank you and you
00:22:12fine fine but don't let's talk shop hey anything interesting come in during the
00:22:19night only a man with an injured back as you went here I'm afraid dr. Kilmore had to
00:22:23treat him never mind never mind we may be able to save the poor chap yet haha I'll see
00:22:27him on my runs after I've cleaned up a bit I didn't know you were assisting mr.
00:22:32hardcastle this morning doctor well you know how it is nature these surgeons are
00:22:36all right for a quick slash and a fast group round but when it comes to cleaning up
00:22:40the mess it's a doctor that's needed oh how right you are doctor what a
00:22:45wonderful man you are oh how I love you oh I'll be off now have you the right time doctor
00:22:56please
00:22:56yes of course it's um where's my watch you must have taken it on no no I distinctly remember having
00:23:03it on when I started to sew that hello oh no it was an alarm too all right sister wheel
00:23:12in back
00:23:13morning all did you hear about the pregnant bed bug no she's having a baby in the spring
00:23:20hello what happened to old mind over matter oh mr. bigger you mean oh he wanted to be moved to
00:23:24a
00:23:25private room it was too noisy for him in here couldn't hear himself think hey hello Ken nurse
00:23:30tells me you want to have a word with me yeah that's right doc but alone if you don't mind
00:23:34oh
00:23:35pardon me have you done with the bottle yeah you take it you'll get faultwin's back on it maybe
00:23:41well what's the problem well it's like this do you have anything to do with the women in here
00:23:46mind your own business hey but no I mean in the women's wards oh oh I seen oh no no
00:23:52I always get
00:23:53the uninteresting jobs around here why well I was just wondering if you could slip a little note to
00:23:58one of them mr. biddle you're asking me to break hospital rules and I quote staff will not allow nor
00:24:04encourage fraternization between male and female patients I don't want to get fraternal with a doc far
00:24:09from it all right give it to me then ah thanks doc she's in the wall at the end of
00:24:14the corridor
00:24:14third bed on the left third bed on the left right but no left right I why do I have
00:24:27to be moved
00:24:27matron I understand from sister one of the male patients has been bothering you peering through
00:24:32the door but that doesn't bother me matron really it bothers me this is a hospital not a fish tank
00:24:49well well and how are we this morning that's better yes it is did you want to examine me doctor
00:25:05oh no no
00:25:07no no no I I just bought a note in for you a note for me oh I say fancy
00:25:13someone sending me a note yes fancy
00:25:15oh yes that's a very good one wouldn't you agree matron I've seldom seen a better appendectomy scar
00:25:23doctor there's only one thing I don't get doctor why have I got two other scars one ear and one
00:25:29ear
00:25:29I do a man an appendix smaller than a golf ball and you know how difficult they are to find
00:25:34sometimes
00:25:34oh I see yes this tissue's been come out today how long's that cast been on eight days doctor then
00:25:40mr. biddle in that case I think it's high time you had it off I've been lying there thinking the
00:25:44same
00:25:45thing well mr. Smith how is it today still very sore doctor well it's your own fault should have had
00:25:54it
00:25:54done years ago oh I thought you might be a man coming in sorry to disappoint you I'm nurse Clark
00:26:21this is my
00:26:23room oh yes I've just arrived and they told me I was to share with you I'm Sandra Sandra May
00:26:29glad to
00:26:29have you Sandra are you a trainee that's right I was told to report to foster ward right away
00:26:38say will dr. Tink will be there probably why do you know him know him just look to darling Sandra
00:26:48my first
00:26:49case that's me how nice he saved my life he's terrific he's a life-giving doll temperature 106
00:26:59have you been reading playboy magazine again what are you talking about I'm a sick man I am rubbish
00:27:04you've been in here 10 weeks now and I can still find nothing basically wrong with you can I what
00:27:08if
00:27:08you don't have your job it's ridiculous and with a temperature 106 you're dead well don't you stand
00:27:13there bury me it's certainly a very puzzling case doctor it's an enigma that's what it is nature and
00:27:18enigma I am not having another one of those I'm determined to either kill this or cure it matron I
00:27:24want a blood pressure test a barium test a brain electrolysis chest and stomach x-rays saliva blood and
00:27:31your iron analysis what was all that well you're about it syringe his ears out is nobody in that bed
00:27:41oh that was mr. bigger oh yes I better see him next he's an x-ray at the moment doctor
00:27:57oh right nurse undo his gun please
00:28:13right smile please smile what with oh I'm terribly sorry force of habit you see before this I used to
00:28:21be a top portrait photographer did you well you've reached the bottom now haven't you
00:28:29all right here we go then let's see those dimples
00:28:36oh dear there goes another tube
00:28:49what about that then
00:29:00what
00:29:01oh
00:29:01oh
00:29:01oh
00:29:01oh
00:29:01oh
00:29:01oh
00:29:01oh
00:29:16oh
00:29:23oh
00:29:29oh
00:29:29oh
00:29:29oh
00:29:29oh
00:29:29oh
00:29:30oh
00:29:35I'm nurse may I was told to report here sister I'll be with you in a moment hi
00:29:54oh
00:29:54oh
00:29:54no you don't oh I saw that film I thought you'd like to smell it
00:30:00oh lovely yes well that's different you have to be careful you know they stuff you're full of
00:30:04everything a lady just brought them for you oh would you like to see her for a few minutes
00:30:09oh all right I might as well come on then I'll just see
00:30:12oh
00:30:17oh
00:30:18you can come in now miss gibson
00:30:19oh
00:30:20oh
00:30:23hello dear
00:30:24nice of you to come
00:30:25nice of you to come
00:30:27mmm
00:30:28sit down
00:30:28sit down
00:30:31I thought I'd just pop in to cheer you up. Yes, it was a nice thought, dear. Nice thought, yes.
00:30:40Oh, Mr. Bigger. Oh, blimey. It's all right, dear. All right. Oh, Mr. Bigger. That's all I need.
00:30:53This is Mr. Bigger, Doctor. Oh, how do you do? How do you do, Mr. Bigger? I'm Dr. Tinkle,
00:30:57the senior physician here. Well, I'm glad you've come, Doctor, because I'm in agony. What with my back
00:31:03and her. Oh, shut up. Well, I'll examine you, and we'll soon find out what's wrong. Would you mind
00:31:13waiting outside, please? I'm afraid she's a bit mutt, Doctor. Yes, well, I'm afraid she'll have to go.
00:31:19I've been saying that for years. Chloe, you'll have to wait outside, dear. Outside wait.
00:31:27This way. I'll see if Mr. Bigger's x-ray is ready, Doctor.
00:31:32Give me a minute. Oh, please, turn it over. Oh, dear. Much more of this. I shall have the best
00:31:36-known
00:31:36backside in town. Oh, slight bruising, certainly. There's no bleeding. Good. Just like the service
00:31:42round here. Did that hurt? Of course it did. Good. Here is the x-ray of the posterior area, Doctor.
00:31:52It's a
00:31:52bit fuzzy, I'm afraid. So would yours be if a contrivance had exploded all over it.
00:32:02Your spinal damage, my curvature, perhaps. Mr. Bigger, did you have any weaknesses as a boy?
00:32:09Pardon? Did you have any weaknesses as a boy?
00:32:12Er, well, do I have to answer that? Certainly. Well, I used to like pinching little girls' yo-yos.
00:32:22With your back, I meant. Oh, ah, why? You have a slight curvature, that's all.
00:32:30That's all? About too late to do anything about it, I'm afraid.
00:32:34What do you mean, too late? What I say, it's past treatment. It's a waste of time
00:32:39you're being here. You might as well go home. Go home? With my poor back?
00:32:44There's nothing we can do about him, Mr. Bigger. Nothing at all.
00:32:47What does he mean, nothing you can do? Just what he says, Mr. Bigger.
00:32:52Dr. Tinkle is a brilliant physician, and if he says nothing can be done,
00:32:56you can be sure he is right.
00:33:03But there must be something.
00:33:05We can't waste valuable hospital time and space accommodating idiots with simple bruises
00:33:10on their simple backsides. I quite agree, Doctor.
00:33:12Excuse me, Doctor, but is Mr. Bigger going to be all right?
00:33:16Are you his next of kin? I beg your pardon?
00:33:19Er, are you his next of kin?
00:33:21Oh, no, not yet, but any day now.
00:33:24What do you mean, any day now?
00:33:26Well, we've had a sort of understanding for the past 11 years,
00:33:30so I'm kind of on the verge, if you know what I mean.
00:33:35If there's anything wrong with me, I've got a right to know.
00:33:39Oh, well, I really am most glad to know that everything's going to be all right,
00:33:44but it would be nice if he could stay here for a few weeks.
00:33:47I'm sorry, madam. We need the beds.
00:33:49Oh, yes, well, of course, I quite understand,
00:33:51but poor Mr. Bigger has been working so hard.
00:33:54He needs a good rest, you know, the poor man.
00:33:56And, I mean, it isn't as if he wouldn't be paying for it.
00:34:00All right, now, all right, all right.
00:34:04But I warn you, Miss Gibson,
00:34:06I can only give him a week at the most.
00:34:09Only a week?
00:34:10I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid that's the way it is.
00:34:19Oh, a week.
00:34:22A week at the most.
00:34:30Well, the trouble nowadays, Matron, is we're breeding a race of weaklings.
00:34:34Neurotic idiots with no emotional stamina or physical stability.
00:34:39Now, fortunately, one or two of us live that can still ca-
00:34:44That girl!
00:34:45What's she doing here?
00:34:47Which girl, doctor?
00:34:48The nurse in the sluice room.
00:34:52There's no one in the sluice room, doctor.
00:34:54No.
00:34:57Are you all right, doctor?
00:34:59Am I all right?
00:35:01Of course I'm all right.
00:35:02All right?
00:35:03Yes.
00:35:04Why shouldn't I?
00:35:05Are you all right?
00:35:12Oh, yes, I'm fine.
00:35:18Doctor, doctor!
00:35:21Doctor!
00:35:22Doctor!
00:35:38Doctor!
00:35:43Crikey, what have I done?
00:35:59Here comes the poor, bleeding visitors.
00:36:01Yep.
00:36:02I don't know who they're feeling more sorry for.
00:36:04them or the poor muckers they're visiting
00:36:16what's it Ken? hello friend mate how's it going then? oh not so bad I've got the
00:36:20old plaster off anyway oh good good that's marvellous well well well so you're
00:36:29going on all right then eh? good good that's good
00:36:39well here I am again dear how are you feeling this evening? not too good
00:36:44Mildred I can't seem to keep anything down oh dear what a shame well never mind dear
00:36:52won't be long now I hope not oh Mildred I will be all right after baby comes won't
00:37:00her oh of course you will my dear here look I brought you a nice bottle of eau de cologne
00:37:07now would you like me to rub some of that on your forehead? thank you dear
00:37:13Mildred hurry it up well so you're going on a ride then eh? good good well I mustn't
00:37:21overstay my welcome yeah now don't go Fred I want you to do something for me
00:37:24anything can make you know that look there's a bird in the women's wall down
00:37:28the corridor oh oh you are feeling better aren't you? never mind that she was in
00:37:33the third bed on the left but they've moved her and I want to know where
00:37:36leave it to me oh what's she look like? well she's got close crop brown hair hazel eyes
00:37:42a fair complexion very fair it's as good as done you know me the old expert in church a la
00:37:49femme
00:37:58you're late I stopped off to get you some lovely nice grapes ah blimey not again I don't like grapes
00:38:06oh go on you know they're good for you
00:38:08how's it feel? rotten it's as sore as hell you should never have made me had it done not at
00:38:14my age
00:38:15well you couldn't go walking about like that with a great big lump and get it bigger and bigger all
00:38:20the time
00:38:21you see it's not nice size of it started to show through your clothes
00:38:30I found her right down the end on the right and a bit of all right too do you want
00:38:35me to give her a message?
00:38:36no I want to talk to her myself well that should be easy get them to move you into the
00:38:40next bed
00:38:40oh highly comical if I could just get
00:38:45here
00:38:46did she have any visitors? not when I looked in no
00:38:49I've got an idea pull them curtains across quick Fred
00:38:54well how long are you going to be here that's what I want to know
00:38:57but I told you I don't know they can't find out what's wrong with me
00:39:00I could tell them you're bone lazy that's what's wrong with you
00:39:03why do you have to keep on and on and on you're supposed to come here to cheer me up
00:39:07cheer you up? what do you need cheering up about?
00:39:09lying here being weighted on hand and foot all your meals brought
00:39:13don't even have to walk to the lav
00:39:15will you get it into your thick head? I'm all run down
00:39:18I've been working too hard
00:39:20that's a laugh
00:39:21I've done a stroke of work for three years
00:39:24that's nice go on chuck it up in me face
00:39:25is it my fault that labor couldn't find me a job?
00:39:27yes when you put yourself down as a handsome cab lamp fitter
00:39:31can I help it if I'm a craftsman?
00:39:33oh it's always all right for you
00:39:35what about me and the kids you never give a thought to us
00:39:38oh no we could all starve for all you care
00:39:41how you expect me to cope on the money you bring home from the dole
00:39:44I'll never know
00:39:45what with the kids to clothe and feed and the rent going up
00:39:48I just don't know how I managed to make ends meet
00:39:52I've hardly been able to go up the bingo at all this week
00:39:54only three times that's all
00:40:01oh nurse it is all right for me to visit Mr Bigger
00:40:04oh certainly go right on in
00:40:05oh would you like me to put those in a vase for you?
00:40:08oh yes thank you so much
00:40:10Mr Bigger's very fond of fresh flowers
00:40:12especially chrysanthemums
00:40:13he is never without a pot by his bed
00:40:21Eh nah
00:40:37so we have to run away at all, our dog
00:40:38we went out to go for it
00:40:38will end with the bingo
00:40:39yeah
00:40:39and wait for your dog
00:40:39to bite because if you need water
00:40:39we are COR?
00:40:40in the bingo
00:40:40yeah
00:40:43okay
00:40:45you survive
00:40:45whatever
00:40:46I am
00:41:01hello hello have you been discharged no but i get to talk to you somehow don't i don't worry
00:41:08if anybody comes just tell them i'm your husband or something well i haven't got a husband neither
00:41:13am i a wife i mean oh i brought these for you thank you oh they're lovely not bad they're
00:41:25the best i
00:41:26could knock off anyway my name's ken by the way ken biddle mine's mavis don't laugh mavis winkle i
00:41:36should have brought a pin do you like it here well it's very nice really yeah it's not too bad
00:41:45i
00:41:45suppose do you come here often wait a minute dear chloe poor old soul chloe you've served me very
00:41:57faithfully for many years and i haven't treated you very well have i no you mustn't say that
00:42:02mr bigger i told you right at the start i i would not accept a salary i know but i
00:42:09could have offered
00:42:09you one couldn't i i i'll come back tomorrow chloe i am going to make it up to you somehow
00:42:18if it's the
00:42:18last thing i do oh mr bigger chloe would you give me a kiss why mr bigger you you've never
00:42:32asked me to do
00:42:33anything like that before mr biddle no i mean yes sister says you've got to have this oh what is
00:42:45it
00:42:45castor oil
00:42:51all of it mr biddle
00:42:57there's a good boy
00:43:04join yourself sounds like it thought you'd had an accident what with her staying out half the night
00:43:12then coming home smelling a drink and i don't know what not that you care oh no let the kids
00:43:17go to
00:43:17the pot just so long you get your beer well time's up i better get before sister starts buzzing around
00:43:27will you be able to come again i i don't have anybody to visit me just try and stop me
00:43:32look after
00:43:38you be able to see yourself
00:44:10come on Fred quick out
00:44:14overflowed again and come right through the sitting room ceiling
00:44:16the number of times I begged you to do something about that flush
00:44:20not you oh no the house could fall down you wouldn't even notice it
00:44:24that's it time's up
00:44:25well already I've hardly had time to tell you a thing
00:44:29that's all right it'll keep you'll be back tomorrow night I suppose
00:44:31oh no I can't not tomorrow
00:44:33going to the dogs
00:44:36you can say that again
00:44:37oh well I'd better be off then
00:44:40here we seem to have got through them grapes pretty quick didn't we
00:44:43we did
00:44:44never mind I'll bring you some more tomorrow
00:44:57is it time sister
00:44:59yes I'm afraid it is
00:45:01ah too bad looks like you'll have to go Fred
00:45:04you're not kidding
00:45:16good evening
00:45:17oh hi oh what a lovely looking pair
00:45:22took the words right out of my mouth
00:45:38oh I'm most terribly sorry oh that's quite all right it was my my fall no I just wasn't looking
00:45:45where I was going
00:45:49something the matter
00:45:52I was looking for Dr Tinkle's room
00:45:54oh oh that's staff rooms that's the second floor up you you turn left as you come out of the
00:45:59lift and it's the second door on on the left
00:46:01oh thanks
00:46:04you're so sweet
00:46:05yes I am
00:46:07oh no no no wait wait a minute no you're not allowed up there
00:46:10no hospital regulations
00:46:12female staff must not enter male staff's room
00:46:15oh lord
00:46:31what is it
00:46:32oh Kenneth darling are you all right
00:46:36yes you then it was you in the sluice room I was hoping it was hallucination
00:46:42that loose you
00:46:44hallucination you remember her the girl what am I talking about what are you doing here you must get out
00:46:49at once
00:46:49but I only just got here
00:46:51but you don't understand it's not safe somebody might come in
00:46:54oh that's right dear Kenneth
00:46:56you always think of everything
00:47:00no no what are you doing you can't stay here
00:47:02but Kenneth darling I came to repay my debt
00:47:05you don't owe me anything
00:47:14have you forgotten you saved my life
00:47:18all I did was treat you for tonsillitis it was nothing
00:47:21you can't kid me why you came to visit me in my room every night for months afterwards
00:47:25that was merely professional courtesy you were in no danger
00:47:29no then why did you keep giving me the kiss of life
00:47:32well even if I did you don't owe me anything don't you understand
00:47:37nowadays you get it for nothing you don't have to pay for it
00:47:40well what about all those wonderful things you used to say to me
00:47:43all about my cute little tibia and how I had beautifully enlarged glands
00:47:48well I would like a man a more impressionable
00:47:51well let's face it
00:47:52dr. Kilmore
00:47:53dr. Kilmore
00:47:54why are you listening at dr. Tinkle's door
00:47:57what was that
00:47:58why are you listening at dr. Tinkle's door
00:48:01was I
00:48:02oh yes
00:48:03I thought I heard a death watch beetle
00:48:06really
00:48:06then we'd better inform dr. Tinkle
00:48:08no no you can't go in there
00:48:09now will you kindly open that door and leave my room
00:48:12no
00:48:13not until you say you love me
00:48:15very well
00:48:16oh
00:48:17stand aside from the door please
00:48:19no
00:48:20very well
00:48:25oh
00:48:25oh
00:48:25oh
00:48:25oh
00:48:25oh
00:48:31dr. Tinkle
00:48:32oh
00:48:33I'd never have believed it
00:48:35matron let me explain
00:48:36this girl's mad she forced her way into my room and tried to attack me she's crazy
00:48:40oh that's not true I wouldn't hurt him I love him
00:48:44you do
00:48:44yes
00:48:45she must be crazy
00:48:46return to your room I'll deal with you in the morning
00:48:49I don't care what you do to me without him I don't even want to go on living
00:48:56you see what I mean she's absolutely crazy blue beard
00:49:01doctor you saw what happened you'll back me up won't you what what are you looking at me like that
00:49:06for
00:49:06I was just thinking what a cute little tibia you have
00:49:22here we are then sonny
00:49:23I've told him once I've told him a thousand times
00:49:26how did that happen
00:49:26they was playing soldiers
00:49:28come
00:49:29he must have been one of the jerrys
00:49:38poor little fella
00:49:39never mind poor little fella what about his poor grandad
00:49:42he's bedridden and relies on that
00:49:46oh good morning matron
00:49:48good morning doctor
00:49:49oh matron about last night
00:49:50I don't think we should discuss that anymore dr. Tinkle
00:49:53oh I'm glad you feel that way about it matron I quite agree I think the whole matter is best
00:49:57forgotten
00:49:57naturally I have suspended trainee nurse may and confined her to her room
00:50:02very sensible probably better to dismiss her altogether a bad influence you know
00:50:06that'll be up to the hospital committee to decide after I've put in my full report
00:50:11oh we don't need to bother with them do we just give her the push quietly
00:50:15it's not as simple as that doctor they will want to know what that girl was doing in your room
00:50:21oh we don't want to tell them all that can't it just be our little secret eh
00:50:27what about dr. Kilmore he saw it too remember
00:50:30yes but I'm sure we can find a way of fixing him between us
00:50:34well
00:50:36naturally I don't want to jeopardize your position here unnecessarily doctor
00:50:40of course you don't matron I'll tell you what perhaps we could discuss this over a quiet little dinner tonight
00:50:44just the two of us
00:50:46oh
00:50:48that would be rather nice
00:50:49the pleasure would be all mine matron
00:50:52oh
00:50:53well I think I can promise you doctor you won't be disappointed
00:50:57young chickens may be soft and tender but the older birds have more on them
00:51:02true
00:51:03it'll take a lot more stuffing
00:51:07thank you doctor it won't happen again I can promise you that
00:51:10here don't forget your helmet
00:51:11oh we've got to get that back to his poor granddad
00:51:13let's hope we're in time
00:51:14come on you little devil
00:51:20our nurse club
00:51:22just the person I wanted to see
00:51:23oh really doctor what about
00:51:24oh well it's about the girl you share a room with
00:51:27oh nurse may you mean
00:51:30that's right I was going to ask you if you could keep an eye on her
00:51:33there are enough people doing that if you ask me
00:51:36she had a spot of trouble last night and she got very emotionally upset
00:51:40she seemed alright when I left her
00:51:42no seriously though nurse there's a chance she may do something very silly
00:51:47you don't mean
00:51:49oh I can't believe that doctor
00:51:51well anything can happen in a hospital nurse
00:51:57little devil you've done it on purpose
00:51:59oh no not again surely
00:52:01little swine he dropped it just as I stepped off the curb
00:52:07I don't really need that thank you nurse
00:52:09oh use it as soon as you can please mr. Roper
00:52:11Dr. Tinker wants a specimen for analysis
00:52:15he does does he
00:52:16mmm
00:52:35ah
00:52:37no
00:52:40oh
00:52:43ah
00:52:44hj
00:52:46ah
00:52:46some of these patients are making, Matron. I think we're being far too easy on them.
00:52:49I quite agree with you, Doctor.
00:52:51Well, Mr. Biddle, still making your frequent trips down the corridor?
00:52:54Yes, thank you, Doctor. I'm enjoying getting about a bit.
00:52:57You are not here to enjoy yourself, Mr. Biddle.
00:52:59In future, Matron, I want this patient restricted to his bed.
00:53:03Yes, Doctor.
00:53:06Good morning, Mr. Smith.
00:53:07Doctor.
00:53:08Oh, yes. We'll have those stitches out today.
00:53:11Oh. Will I have an anaesthetic, Doctor?
00:53:13Certainly not.
00:53:15But won't it hurt?
00:53:15Yes, it will hurt, Mr. Smith, and I want it to hurt.
00:53:18Perhaps next time you consider having a lump, you'll think twice about it.
00:53:23Good morning, Mr. Roper.
00:53:25Good morning.
00:53:26Ah, temperature four degrees below normal today.
00:53:30No.
00:53:30Yes.
00:53:31I can't understand that at all.
00:53:32Perhaps the tea was cold this morning.
00:53:34I don't know what you mean.
00:53:35Don't you? Well, now that it's down, we must endeavour to keep it down.
00:53:39Matron, give Mr. Roper ice water baths every four hours.
00:53:44Ice water?
00:53:44Day and night.
00:53:46That ought to do it, Doctor.
00:53:49Ah, Mr. Barron.
00:53:50I've been reading the psychologist's report on you.
00:53:53He seems to think you're suffering from a sympathetic pregnancy.
00:53:57Oh, no, Doctor.
00:53:57I'm just going to have a baby.
00:53:59By that he means that you're feeling all the ill effects normally experienced by a mother-to-be.
00:54:04Yes, I suppose you could put it like that.
00:54:06Quite.
00:54:06And since you've insisted on assuming the role of a mother, we've decided to play along with you.
00:54:11Oh, Doctor has plenty.
00:54:13Oh, don't mention it.
00:54:15I'd like Mr. Barron to attend all the hospital's prenatal exercise classes.
00:54:20I'd better see how Mr. Wrigley is progressing.
00:54:22Very well, Doctor.
00:54:23Sit up, please, Mr. Wrigley.
00:54:38Oh, I still don't like the look of him.
00:54:45Oh, how are you feeling, Mr. Bigger?
00:54:47Shocking.
00:54:48Doctor, I've got a green tongue.
00:54:50Dear, dear, how are your bowels?
00:54:52Well, I don't know.
00:54:52I haven't looked.
00:54:53A good big dose for you this evening, Mr. Bigger.
00:54:55Now, come along back to bed with you.
00:54:57Is the back still painful?
00:54:59Oh, yes.
00:55:01Never mind.
00:55:02What does it matter?
00:55:03It's only a question of time.
00:55:05Oh, don't be like that, Mr. Bigger.
00:55:07We must do what we can for you.
00:55:08After all, you're not going to be with us for long.
00:55:10Well, don't keep harping on it.
00:55:12You'll be measuring me up for me coffin next.
00:55:15I don't think that'll be necessary.
00:55:17No, with the National Health Service,
00:55:19I should be lucky to get an old tea chest.
00:55:23Oh, dear, great.
00:55:25Matron, I think we'll try a bit of traction on Mr. Bigger.
00:55:28A bit of traction?
00:55:29A bit of what?
00:55:30Traction is a system of heavy weights designed to stretch you.
00:55:34What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?
00:55:37No, thank you.
00:55:38I'd rather lie here and shrivel.
00:55:40Traction is considered a very effective treatment for back trouble.
00:55:44Look, I don't...
00:55:46Effective?
00:55:48What, you mean, I might even live?
00:55:50I'm sure you will.
00:55:51Nobody's died of it yet.
00:55:53Well, don't you stand there.
00:55:54Get your tractor out.
00:56:18It's Mr. Roper's.
00:56:19Oh, the Temperature King, eh?
00:56:21Let's see.
00:56:32I may be wrong, nurse,
00:56:33but I think Mr. Roper is producing neat scotch.
00:56:37This is very interesting.
00:56:49Dr. Kilmore!
00:56:50What is it?
00:56:51Look!
00:56:52Where?
00:56:53Hmm?
00:56:56Oh, good grief!
00:56:58Don't shout!
00:56:58Oh, no, no, don't shout at her like that.
00:57:00That's the worst thing you could do with her in that state.
00:57:02Well, we've got to try and stop her.
00:57:04Well, we must reason with her, quietly,
00:57:06to try and talk her out of it.
00:57:07Come on.
00:57:08Come on.
00:57:12Come on.
00:57:43Oh, which room?
00:57:44That one.
00:57:47It's locked.
00:57:49The roof, quick.
00:58:28It's all right. It's only me.
00:58:32Don't worry, you dirty baby chums.
00:58:35I didn't know that you were sunbathing. I thought you were going to jump.
00:58:41What's all the screaming?
00:58:43I don't know.
00:58:45Look, a rooftop driver.
00:58:51Have a look at this.
00:58:53What is it?
00:58:56What's going on in here? Get back in your beds at once.
00:58:59A missus? Not on your daily.
00:59:01What's going on in here?
00:59:04Kilmore, what do you think you're doing? Come down at once.
00:59:06Oh, he must be mad. I always suspected he was unstable.
00:59:11Unstable for word. Look at the idiot.
00:59:16What is it? What's happened?
00:59:18Not nothing. It's all right. I'm coming back now.
00:59:33Oh, hold on. I'm coming.
00:59:38Oh, it's all right.
00:59:44Help!
00:59:53Don't move!
00:59:55Don't move!
00:59:56I can't move!
01:00:03I'm here!
01:00:05Hold on!
01:00:08Hold on!
01:00:09I'll never reach it!
01:00:10Oh, wait a minute!
01:00:12I'm not going anywhere!
01:00:14Oh!
01:00:15I hope.
01:00:18Grab hold of my leg!
01:00:24Don't!
01:00:26I'm okay!
01:00:28Climb up me!
01:00:33Help!
01:00:37Help!
01:00:39Help!
01:00:48Oh!
01:00:48Whoa!
01:00:50Whoa!
01:00:52Whoa!
01:00:52Oh, my God.
01:01:23oh oh dreadfully sorry i i i didn't realize that that you were here but you see i i i
01:01:31was outside
01:01:31and i i didn't really know that know that you were here if would you like to try those on
01:01:37what are you doing well i'm sorry you see i i i i came in through the window i didn't
01:01:43i'm terribly
01:01:45it says it he tried to peep at one nurse sunbathing in the semi-nude half stripped another
01:01:52and attacked the third one in her bath i wonder what he has for breakfast that's a load of rubbish
01:01:58doc kilmore's not like that we saw him rip my skirt off didn't we not on purpose it was an
01:02:04accident
01:02:05that's what i tried to tell my old woman i still had to marry you he tried to stop himself
01:02:09falling
01:02:09off the roof ah but what was he doing on the roof hey come along please mr roper bath time
01:02:19oh not
01:02:19again my temperature's normal now i can't help that dr tinkle's orders every four hours
01:02:30here you'll get shot if she sees you she won't if she's getting the bath ready for him
01:02:40oh mr biddle that's what you want yes thank you sister another time just ring for it oh ding dong
01:02:50come along please mr roper all right all right i'm coming where's mr baron still at classes it's all
01:03:09right leg raise two three lower two three right leg raise two three lower two three now sit down ladies
01:03:19arms above the heads breathe in two three out two three let me go back to bed come on
01:03:28i'm all right now i'm telling you here's the eye sister put it in the bath
01:03:31oh my god in that again in you go and get undressed mr roper excuse me sister
01:03:37i'm from cox and carter about the new rubber sheets i'm rather busy now oh i don't need to bother
01:03:43you
01:03:43sister i only want to measure the beds for size you see oh they're all the same use one of
01:03:48the private
01:03:48rooms over there now come along mr roper it's all right don't be a baby mr roper it's only us
01:03:55i know it is
01:03:56i just sat on a lump never again never never again never from now on it's the pill
01:04:41morning sir beg your pardon i didn't mean to disturb you you faint you might at least have waited
01:04:47till i'm gone oh sister wanted me to do it now sir i shall do you now if you don't
01:04:51get out now go on get
01:04:52out of here go on get out i only want to make my living you grave rubber if i get
01:04:58my hands on you
01:05:03they don't want rubber sheets here they want straight jackets
01:05:11good luck i think i'm gonna need it maybe this will help
01:05:18when you're quite ready dr kilmore they're waiting for you uh yes right matron you are not needed nurse
01:05:25clerk you may return to your duties
01:05:29oh there you are kilmore are you know sir edmund burke chairman of the hospital committee i believe
01:05:34oh yes we did bump into each other once before bumped is right he went into the back of my
01:05:39jag gets
01:05:4040 quits worth of damage it's very unfortunate but i'm sure sir edmund you won't allow that to
01:05:44influence your decision in this particular case of course not any man is entitled to make a mistake
01:05:50provided he doesn't make a ruddy habit of it do sit down killmore oh thank you
01:05:56aye well i'm known as a fair man and i intend to conduct this inquiry in a fair and just
01:06:01manner
01:06:01is that understood oh yes thank you sir well what the hell are you then a sex maniac or summit
01:06:06what
01:06:07oh that that's hardly fair sir if it was me peeking at girls in the half raw stripping them off
01:06:13and
01:06:13mucking about with them in baths what would i be a wishful thinker
01:06:16do now then kilmore rudeness will get you nowhere you know i'm sorry but i just want to make an
01:06:23explanation what were you doing on the roof of the nurse's home well sir i saw nurse may climb through
01:06:31the window and naturally i thought she was going to jump why should she do that well because of what
01:06:36happened to her the night before why what did you do to her the night before i didn't do anything
01:06:41to
01:06:41her it was go on kilmore i want sir edmund to hear your full story all right then dr tinkle
01:06:49had a
01:06:50row with her in his room and she got very upset a row in my room yes matron was there
01:06:59she can tell you
01:07:00well matron i haven't the least idea what dr kilmore is talking about but this is absurd
01:07:08nurse may get her in and ask her oh yes i'd like to see her i've heard she's quite
01:07:15i'm afraid that's not possible nurse may has left she was so upset by dr kilmore's conduct i don't blame
01:07:23her but nurse clark now she'll back me up she thought that nurse may was going to jump too
01:07:30is that right matron i'm sure she'd back him up sir edmund nurse clark has what is commonly known as
01:07:36a crush on dr kilmore has she really they were kissing outside the door just now i was right
01:07:43he is a sex maniac what's the matter with you don't you ever have enough yes i've had enough for
01:07:49this
01:07:49farce i know when i'm licked and don't bother to sack me i resign and you can stick this job
01:07:53in the
01:07:54wanted colin your resignation is accepted doctor and don't bother asking me for a reference i wouldn't
01:08:01ask you for an aspirin tablet you old poop face what did you call me poop face p double
01:08:07oop poop face oh that's what i heard that's what he called him well good for old dr kilmore excuse
01:08:15me poop face sir i beg your pardon hey oh i'm sorry not you champion i'm wondering where i can
01:08:23find
01:08:23mr francis bigger oh he's in the privates pardon me in the private wards you go through the door and
01:08:31turn left thank you so much yeah what do you want him for has he added well haven't you heard
01:08:38he's
01:08:38getting married here's the chaplain mr bigger ah how do you do yes well have you got the license dear
01:08:48the license license that's the style no dear that's for the dog the one for the other thing
01:08:57the license yes that's better now have you got the ring the ring
01:09:10gold you didn't have to go bad dear i said you didn't have to go mad oh no no it
01:09:16didn't cost me
01:09:17anything it was my mother's wedding ring really you didn't tell me she was married do you still
01:09:25want me to be a bridesmaid ah yes please nurse if you would and someone should give miss gibson away
01:09:30they'll have to they'll never get anything for her i beg your pardon don't worry i'll i'll find someone
01:09:37i uh i haven't conducted a wedding in hospital before oh well look your reference we just want
01:09:45a simple ceremony nothing expensive just the don't use or do use and no organ and no sex chat
01:09:54i beg your pardon i'm afraid my battery's a bit low i can certainly pick them sorry fred but i
01:10:02did
01:10:02promise her faithful i can't visit her again i know but i'm warning you they come around with any more
01:10:06of
01:10:06that medicine and i'm off talk about running i must have broken all records
01:10:23mr biddle what do you think you're doing fairly silent no speaking english just a moment mr biddle
01:10:29i want you oh come off it nurse please i only want to visit somebody for a few minutes i
01:10:35have
01:10:35a job for you first mr biddle oh but there's only 10 minutes visiting left nurse oh it shouldn't take
01:10:40that long oh oh sister would you mind telling my husband uh that i won't be able to visit him
01:10:50this
01:10:50evening only uh it started do you francis kitchener bigger take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife
01:10:58i do i do i do do you chloe gibson take this man to be your lawful wedded husband i
01:11:11do
01:11:13no he's asking you do you etc etc oh yes well dear look don't tell me tell him i do
01:11:24yeah yeah she does i do all right dear this goes a much longer i should be too tired for
01:11:31me honeymoon
01:11:32yeah hurry up have you got the ring the ring what ring ring ring where's the ring
01:11:40no dear i don't want it give it to the referee
01:11:45no no the best man should have it
01:11:50right now we've got that sorted out what happens next the best man hands it to the bridegroom
01:11:59thank you now repeat after me will you speak up because she cannot hear
01:12:05with this ring i be wed louder with this ring i be wed now you dear go on with this
01:12:15ring i be wed will you
01:12:18speak up dear with this ring i be wed
01:12:26and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a ring and by joining of hands i pronounce that
01:12:33they
01:12:33may be man and wife together congratulations yes good luck thank you
01:12:43good evening all evening doc just looked in to say goodbye i'm up first thing in the morning
01:12:50i've got a better job up north you don't have to kid us doc we've heard all about it oh
01:12:58oh i see i thought they ought to know the truth it wasn't fair the way they treated you well
01:13:07can't be helped
01:13:11well oh one last story did you hear about the little boy who swallowed half a crown
01:13:17two days later his mother phoned the hospital to see how he was and they said there's still no change
01:13:27oh
01:13:27well bye bye
01:13:45oh now come on that's enough of that here look at all the smudges you put in on that
01:13:49look at that cheer up nurse that won't do any good
01:13:55i bet florence nightingale never cried no would have put her lamp out i can't help it it's all so
01:14:02unfair but you know what really happened why didn't you go and tell them oh they'd never believe me
01:14:08not after matron and dr tinkle she's quite right she can't do anything they got him by the aniseeds oh
01:14:13that
01:14:13dr tinkle if i got hold of him i'd shove a catheter right up his nostril that's a good idea
01:14:19hey why
01:14:21don't all us patients go and have a talk with tinkle lovely but what about matron and sister well the
01:14:26women patients will take care of that here why don't you get something organized with that bird of yours
01:14:30mavis yeah right uh-oh i'll never get past her there must be some way of getting you into that
01:14:41ward
01:14:42nurse clark oh you can't get her mixed up in this she'd lose her job it wouldn't be her fault
01:14:48if she
01:15:10give this suppository to miss morris in bed three
01:15:33Good evening.
01:15:47Hey, what on earth?
01:15:48Shh, I'd hate to get to see you somehow.
01:15:51Listen, have you heard about Dr. Kilmore?
01:15:53I say, I thought it was rotten.
01:15:54Well, some of us are going to try and do something about it.
01:15:56Are you with us?
01:15:57Yeah, rather.
01:15:58Good.
01:15:58Get all the women who can walk ready for action
01:16:00and wait for my whistle, okay?
01:16:03Okay.
01:16:03Thanks, my girl.
01:16:12Yes?
01:16:13Yes, what is it?
01:16:20You want a what?
01:16:24Oh, very well, I'll go and get it for you.
01:16:49What is it?
01:16:57I thought you'd be surprised.
01:17:00Matron.
01:17:01What is it?
01:17:02What do you want?
01:17:03Don't you know?
01:17:04No.
01:17:05What is it?
01:17:05Are you not feeling well?
01:17:06Oh, I'm feeling wonderful.
01:17:08I just thought we might have a little drink to celebrate.
01:17:12Celebrate?
01:17:12Celebrate what?
01:17:13Oh, the way we got rid of Dr. Kilmore and that silly girl.
01:17:17Oh, that, yes.
01:17:19Well, I appreciate your help in that matter, Matron.
01:17:21And I'd like to have a drink with you sometime.
01:17:23Now, now, Kenneth, I'm in the mood.
01:17:27And don't keep calling me Matron, naughty boy.
01:17:31It's Lavinia.
01:17:33Yes, but someone might come in, you see.
01:17:35You must leave my room at once.
01:17:37No, really, Matron.
01:17:38I mean Lavinia.
01:17:40Wouldn't it be awful, Ken, if someone found out Dr. Kilmore was right about you having a girl in your
01:17:46room that night?
01:17:48Not that I'd want to tell anyone, of course.
01:17:51Not unless I had to.
01:17:53Well, perhaps just a quick one.
01:17:59Whoa, I'm glad I'm out of that lot.
01:18:01Funny thing about a nurse's uniform.
01:18:02I was just beginning to fancy you.
01:18:04Oh, shut up.
01:18:05Thank you, nurse.
01:18:06Thank you very much.
01:18:07Right, everybody ready?
01:18:08Yeah.
01:18:09Where would Tinkle be now, nurse?
01:18:10Oh, he'll be in his room on the top floor.
01:18:12Right, let's go.
01:18:14Wait for me.
01:18:16Now, you'd better stay put, Mr. Baron.
01:18:18You're not well enough.
01:18:19After all the prenatal classes he made me go to, not bloody likely.
01:18:23Spoken like a true mother.
01:18:24Men, fall out.
01:18:29What are you doing?
01:18:31Get back to your beds at once.
01:18:35At once, do you hear?
01:18:36Or I shall call the order this.
01:18:41What is the meaning of this?
01:18:43Having a bit of trouble, Ken?
01:18:44Sister wants to call for help.
01:18:46Maybe you can persuade her not to.
01:18:48It'll be a pleasure.
01:18:49Come on, girl.
01:18:51What do you think of this?
01:18:55What the devil's going on?
01:19:01Can't see wearing red ones under all that.
01:19:03You go back in your room and keep your mouth shut.
01:19:05Oh, and what is this thing?
01:19:08The revolt of the slaves?
01:19:09Yeah, something like that.
01:19:10We've got some business to settle with Tinkle.
01:19:12Tinkle?
01:19:13You think I'm staying in there?
01:19:14I should say so.
01:19:15Up the rebels and to hell with Burgundy.
01:19:18Where?
01:19:19Oh, I don't think she'll give you any more trouble.
01:19:24Nice work, love.
01:19:26Right, falling.
01:19:27Forward, hurry.
01:19:41What's going on?
01:19:43What are you lot going to?
01:19:45You shouldn't be out, you know.
01:19:46You should be in your eye.
01:19:47What?
01:19:47What are you doing?
01:19:48I'll tell Dr. Tinkle.
01:19:54Matron, please.
01:19:55I'm not that kind of doctor.
01:19:56Don't deny yourself, Kenneth.
01:19:58We've wasted so many years.
01:20:00This is our moment of fulfillment.
01:20:02But I don't want to feel full.
01:20:04Full feel.
01:20:05I mean, you don't understand.
01:20:06I mean, this sort of thing could ruin my training program.
01:20:09Oh, forget about that, Kenneth.
01:20:10I can't forget it.
01:20:12It's my duty to keep myself fit and strong.
01:20:15You may not realize it, but I was once a week man.
01:20:17Once a week's enough for any man.
01:20:26Kiss me, Kenneth.
01:20:28Send me.
01:20:28You don't know what agony it's been.
01:20:31Yearning for you.
01:20:32Yearning to give you my all.
01:20:34But I don't want your all.
01:20:35I don't even want a little bit.
01:20:36I will not be put off.
01:20:38Not after all I've done for you.
01:20:39No, no, no, no, no.
01:20:41Matron, no, please.
01:20:43Oh, your hand.
01:20:44Where do you put your hand?
01:20:45Well, I've heard of the bedside manner, but this.
01:20:49What do you mean by this intrusion?
01:20:52What do you think you're doing?
01:20:53Not what you thought of doing, that's for sure.
01:20:56Matron and I were discussing business.
01:20:57She came to see me about some cases.
01:21:00How dare you burst into Dr. Tinkle's room in this manner.
01:21:03Back to your wards, all of you.
01:21:04My wish?
01:21:05Yes?
01:21:06Get this old battleship out of here.
01:21:09Battleship?
01:21:10Come on, girls.
01:21:11Don't you miss me.
01:21:12Don't you miss me.
01:21:14What is it?
01:21:15What do you want?
01:21:16What we want from you is a signed confession.
01:21:20Confession?
01:21:21The matron and I weren't doing anything.
01:21:22You've only got to look at her to realize that.
01:21:24But we didn't mean her.
01:21:25We meant you and that little nurse, the one with the big glands.
01:21:30Certainly not.
01:21:30You can't make me do that.
01:21:32You want to bet?
01:21:33You'd better get the doctor's bath ready, Mr. Roper.
01:21:36Yes, nurse.
01:21:37A pleasure.
01:21:38Ha, ha, ha.
01:21:39No, we're just going to know anything.
01:21:41You've been all right.
01:21:41Don't you?
01:21:44All you have to do is tell the truth about what happened to Dr. Kilmore, matron.
01:21:47No, never.
01:21:49You'll regret this, all of you.
01:21:50Oh, not half as much as you will.
01:21:52All right, girls, get the stuff.
01:21:54What are you going to do?
01:21:55Give you one of the most diabolical hospital tortures ever devised, matron.
01:21:59A blanket bath.
01:22:00No!
01:22:01No!
01:22:04All right now, Mr. Roper.
01:22:05Oh, it's enough to freeze the barnacles off a brass dinghy.
01:22:08Ha, ha, ha.
01:22:10Hands off me.
01:22:12All right, Mr. Smith, hold him over it.
01:22:14Yes, come on.
01:22:15Now, will you sign, doctor?
01:22:17Certainly not.
01:22:18You wouldn't dare.
01:22:18You can't fool me.
01:22:22Oh, Mr. Smith, I'm surprised at you.
01:22:24Oh, I'm sorry.
01:22:25He slipped out of my hand.
01:22:27You fools, idiots.
01:22:28You'll never force me this way.
01:22:30Ha, ha, ha.
01:22:31I take a cold shower every morning.
01:22:34Ha, ha.
01:22:34That's it.
01:22:35Lukewarm water, lovely rough flannels.
01:22:38Oh, you're going to love this, matron.
01:22:39All right, girls, let's get our things off.
01:22:41Don't you dare.
01:22:42Now, matron, we can't take a bed bath with our clothes on, can we?
01:22:46Hey, look at that.
01:22:48Miss Bedpan, 1968.
01:22:54Ha, ha.
01:22:55No.
01:22:56Are you ready to tell, matron?
01:22:57No, never.
01:22:58Right.
01:23:00Here we go.
01:23:01Oh, oh, oh.
01:23:06Oh, oh.
01:23:07Poor old matron.
01:23:08That's going too far, that is.
01:23:15No.
01:23:16No.
01:23:16I'll never sign.
01:23:17Never.
01:23:18You hear?
01:23:18Sam, Henry, stop them.
01:23:20Do something.
01:23:22Oh.
01:23:22Oh.
01:23:23The wind's getting up again.
01:23:25Yeah, maybe we ought to do something, eh?
01:23:27Yeah.
01:23:28But let's have another quick look first.
01:23:31Oh.
01:23:32Oh.
01:23:33Oh.
01:23:34Oh.
01:23:34No, no, I do.
01:23:35No, no, no, no, no.
01:23:37Yeah, where are they gone?
01:23:38You won't get away with it, do you hear?
01:23:40You won't get away with it.
01:23:42Don't tell me they're gone nowhere.
01:23:48Where are you?
01:23:50I know you're here.
01:23:51Answer me.
01:23:53All right.
01:23:53You've had your fun.
01:23:54I'll make a bargain with you.
01:23:56Let me go, and I'll say nothing about your conduct tonight.
01:24:00That's fair, isn't it?
01:24:02Answer me.
01:24:04Do you hear?
01:24:05Answer!
01:24:12What are you doing?
01:24:14All right.
01:24:15You've had your fun.
01:24:17Let me go.
01:24:19Answer me.
01:24:20Do you hear?
01:24:21Answer me.
01:24:23What are you doing?
01:24:28You wouldn't dare.
01:24:30Now, come along.
01:24:37No, you wouldn't dare.
01:24:39No, come on.
01:24:40Let's be really easy and humble about this.
01:24:44Oh.
01:24:45All right.
01:24:47Come on.
01:24:47You've had your little joke.
01:24:48We've all had a bit of fun.
01:24:50Now, let me go now, and we'll forget about the whole thing.
01:24:53Eh?
01:24:53No, don't do that.
01:24:54I hate it.
01:24:55I hate it.
01:24:56So you'll sign it.
01:24:57I didn't say that, but I'll forget about what you've done tonight.
01:25:01It looks like we'll have to proceed with the removal as planned, Mr. Bigger.
01:25:04I fear so, Mr. Roper.
01:25:07What removal?
01:25:08Removal.
01:25:09Oh, my God.
01:25:10Have you ever seen such a horrible one?
01:25:11Oh, dear, dear, dear.
01:25:13How long have you had a lump like that, Doctor?
01:25:15A lump?
01:25:16What do you mean a lump?
01:25:16I haven't got a lump.
01:25:17Are you mad?
01:25:18Oh, dear, dear, dear.
01:25:20Looks like a severe case of water in the lower bowel, aggravated by wind in the upper Nile.
01:25:26I utterly concur.
01:25:27We'll have to have it off.
01:25:28You mean have it out?
01:25:30Have it out and have it off.
01:25:31Right, let's go.
01:25:32Scalpel.
01:25:33Scalpel.
01:25:33Sharpen up.
01:25:34Sharpen up.
01:25:35What about the anaesthetic?
01:25:36Oh, no, I don't think so.
01:25:38We want him to enjoy it, don't we?
01:25:41We forgot to say it.
01:25:43Ah, yes, I'm glad you reminded me.
01:25:45Yes, most important.
01:25:46Let me do that.
01:25:47I used to be a barber.
01:25:48Brush.
01:25:49Brush.
01:25:49Lather.
01:25:50Barber.
01:25:50Razor.
01:25:51Razor.
01:25:53No, no, not up there.
01:25:54Down here, where his trouble is.
01:25:57Wait a minute, wait, wait.
01:25:58Tinkle, it's your last chance.
01:26:00Will you sign?
01:26:01Of course not.
01:26:02Do you think I'm an idiot?
01:26:03You wouldn't dare do anything to me, and you know it.
01:26:06Oh, yes, I would.
01:26:08Oh, yes, I've got nothing to lose.
01:26:09I've only got a couple of days to live, remember?
01:26:11What are you talking about?
01:26:13There's nothing wrong with you, you fool.
01:26:16Oh, yes, you can say that now, but you only gave me a week.
01:26:19Don't forget that.
01:26:20I said you could only stay in the hospital for a week.
01:26:24Eh?
01:26:25That's right.
01:26:26Dr. Kilmore told me there was nothing wrong with you, except for a few bruises the day
01:26:30after they brought you in.
01:26:38Are you telling me I married that old bag for nothing?
01:26:42Yes.
01:26:44Now perhaps you'll stop all this nonsense and let me up.
01:26:47Not on your nelly.
01:26:49I'll cut his two-faced pants.
01:26:52Wait a minute, wait.
01:26:53It's no good.
01:26:54He'll never sign.
01:26:56Wait a minute.
01:26:56It's just one more chance.
01:26:58You're wasting your time.
01:27:00You can't do anything to frighten me.
01:27:03Come on, then.
01:27:05Turn him over on his side.
01:27:08Right.
01:27:09No, no, no.
01:27:10I'll sign.
01:27:11I'll sign.
01:27:16Here, doctor, just a minute.
01:27:20It's poor granddad, that little devil.
01:27:23This way.
01:27:25They're mine, granddad.
01:27:26You'll soon have it off.
01:27:29Oh, doctor.
01:27:29Yes, doctor Kilmore.
01:27:31I have a casualty for you.
01:27:32Oh, yes.
01:27:32Will you come this way, please?
01:27:34I'll attend to it right away.
01:27:36Carry on, doctor.
01:27:38And you.
01:27:40Oh, goodbye, Mr. Baron.
01:27:42What a wonderful baby you've gotten.
01:27:43Yes, indeed.
01:27:45You know, I really think it's been worth all the suffering.
01:27:48Don't you, dear?
01:27:49Oh, yes, dear.
01:27:51We could have another one, if you like.
01:27:54Well, I think we ought to get home first.
01:27:56I have to feed baby in an hour.
01:27:58Bye-bye, doctor.
01:27:59Bye, Mr. Baron.
01:28:00Hello, sir.
01:28:01In Eastbourne.
01:28:02Oh, do you.
01:28:03Well, I do not wish to live in a nice little flat in Eastbourne.
01:28:06Now, look, don't be silly.
01:28:07I know what's best for you.
01:28:08Oh, do you?
01:28:08There's going to be no more traipsing around the country giving silly lectures.
01:28:12Silly lectures?
01:28:13Yes.
01:28:14Rubbish.
01:28:15Rubbish?
01:28:15Rubbish, and you know it.
01:28:17The bigger way to health and happiness, indeed.
01:28:19No, a good, steady job.
01:28:22That's what you'll need.
01:28:23Yes, I know what you need.
01:28:24What was that, Francis?
01:28:25Nothing, dear.
01:28:26What?
01:28:26Nothing.
01:28:27Why shot?
01:28:30Oh, I'm sorry.
01:28:31She will definitely have to go.
01:28:37What now?
01:28:39Oh, my back.
01:28:41My back.
01:28:41It's agony.
01:28:42It is agony.
01:28:43Well, I told you to mind the step.
01:28:45Hurts a bit, does it, Mr. Bigger?
01:28:46Yes.
01:28:48Oh, it's agony.
01:28:49I shall be here for months.
01:28:52With any luck.
01:28:59How many becomes worse?
01:29:02So, I told you to wear for months.
01:29:08I will stay.
01:29:08well dream of a young lot. That was
01:29:09my own requiper Damon. Yeah,
01:29:09it can be heard, to be right away after me. I did
01:29:10everyone.
01:29:10You
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