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TVTranscript
00:28Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:31Honey, I'm home.
00:57What are you doing with those scissors?
00:59I just want to talk to you.
01:01Get away from me!
01:03I just want to take a little off the top.
01:04They're my spikes, Dad. I like them this way.
01:07They're in your eyes. How can you see where you're going?
01:10I like the way they look.
01:11You look like a girl, or a bum.
01:14You look like a girl bum.
01:16Fran, am I alone on this one?
01:19Oh, that's right.
01:20Undermind my authority.
01:22A lot of boys are wearing their spikes longer.
01:24Jeez, crippled me.
01:25Could we discuss this after dinner?
01:27He's not eating dinner in my house with those spikes.
01:31Obviously, I can't do anything right, Dad.
01:33My room is a mess. My spikes are too long.
01:36My posture stinks.
01:37Why is it that everything I do is so wrong?
01:40I was going to ask you the same thing.
01:42You know, I didn't ask to get hatched into this family.
01:45Oh, well, nobody's keeping you here.
01:49Fine.
01:49Fine.
01:53Don't you walk away from me.
01:57Hey, you did the right things, N'Claire.
02:00You let him clip your spikes, who knows what he'll want to cut off next.
02:04He's always on my tail.
02:05Yeah, well, like I told you, it was better in the old days.
02:09When a male came of age, she challenged his father for supremacy.
02:14Really?
02:14Like a fight?
02:15To the death.
02:17Cool.
02:18You could kick your dad's butt.
02:20Yeah?
02:20Take his territory.
02:22Marry his wife.
02:25Wouldn't that be my mom?
02:27Ew.
02:31I'm telling you, I'm never going back.
02:33Hey, no need to.
02:34We got everything you need out here.
02:37You want dinner?
02:37We'll catch it.
02:39Yeah, that's right.
02:39We're dinosaurs.
02:40Top of the food chain.
02:44Dinner.
02:47Oh, wow, maybe some salad first.
02:52Yeah, plants are slow.
02:55Hey, what about this?
02:57Oh, definitely a plant.
03:00Looks kind of weird.
03:01Do you think it's poisonous?
03:02Yum.
03:03Yum.
03:04Doesn't taste poisonous.
03:06I wonder what it is.
03:08Good.
03:17What are we laughing about?
03:25You know what's weird?
03:26When we first got here, I felt really bummed.
03:29But now I feel really good.
03:31What do you think that is?
03:32I don't know, Scooter.
03:34Your guess is as good as mine.
03:37Hey, pass me some more of that plant.
03:39Sure.
03:43No.
03:44There you go.
03:44No.
03:48You know what would make this moment perfect?
03:50My dad was here.
03:53I love my dad.
03:55Yeah.
03:56I love your dad, too.
03:58I love everybody's dad.
04:01I love the word dad.
04:04Dad.
04:04Hey, you know what?
04:05I'm going to go tell him right now.
04:07Whoa.
04:12Hi.
04:14Ah-ha.
04:16Dad.
04:17The prodigal son returns.
04:20Couldn't cut it out there in the cold world.
04:22Want to be back under daddy's roof, eating daddy's food.
04:25Food.
04:26Well, that's going to take a little attitude adjustment from you, sonny boy.
04:29I love you, dad.
04:30More than life itself.
04:32Oh, dad.
04:33Love?
04:34Well, that's a start.
04:36I realized that I was completely wrong, and you are completely right.
04:39Not just now, but always.
04:42Hold it right there.
04:44Are we having a touching moment?
04:46Nor are you teasing me.
04:47I mean it, dad.
04:48I was just out in the woods eating this plant with Spike.
04:50I felt so happy.
04:52I came right home to share it with my dad.
04:54Wait a minute.
04:55You telling me this plant made you happy?
04:57Yeah.
04:58That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
05:00Ah, dad.
05:01Just try it.
05:02Plants don't make you happy.
05:04Look, I'll prove it to you.
05:11See?
05:12Nothing.
05:17It's a most unusual day.
05:22It's like catching the bridal bouquet.
05:25It's like reaching the moon or composing a tune.
05:29It's a most unusual day.
05:31It's a most unusual time.
05:37I keep feeling my temperature glide.
05:41If my heart's not behaving the usual way, then there's only one thing to say.
05:47It's a most unusual day.
05:51It's a most unusual.
05:51I knew you were a most unusual day.
06:07Oh, dad.
06:08I can't believe we've known each other for so long and we've never danced together.
06:11Oh, we won't make that mistake again, son.
06:15Yeah.
06:17Hey, come on.
06:18Get up, big guy.
06:19I'm happy too.
06:20Oh, I'm happy.
06:20You're happy.
06:21Oh, it's plant time.
06:24Here, have some of this.
06:25Plant time, plant time, plant time.
06:27Here you are.
06:30Are you two still fighting?
06:31Oh, look, it's Charlene.
06:33Yeah.
06:34Hi, Charlene.
06:35How are you?
06:38You guys have changed.
06:40Wow.
06:41Look, she's talking.
06:43Whoa.
06:45Give me that.
06:47So, should we tell her?
06:48Absolutely.
06:50Charlene, this is our special happy food.
06:53Yeah.
06:54Oh, this is good.
07:00Well, I guess I'm the last one up.
07:03Oh, good morning, perfect wife.
07:06Good morning, Earl.
07:08What are you eating?
07:09Oh, it's a plant, Robbie, found in the forest.
07:12It's made us very happy.
07:15A plant that makes you happy?
07:16Oh, that's nice.
07:18Earl, shouldn't you be getting ready for work?
07:20I'm happy right here.
07:23Hey, look.
07:24It's Mom.
07:28Are you happy, friend?
07:30Well, I'd be happier if you were on your way to work.
07:32Then I'm on my way.
07:34Bye, Dad.
07:35You're great.
07:36Bye.
07:45What's so funny?
07:47I just realized I don't wear any pants.
08:01Falling trees!
08:02What, are you, idiot?
08:03It's just your hell of a lot.
08:08Hey.
08:10What?
08:11Oh, happy morning, guys.
08:13Hey, where you been, pally boy?
08:15Richfield's been looking for you all morning.
08:17Oh, really?
08:18It is so nice of him to be concerned.
08:21This is the happiest moment of my life.
08:24No, wait.
08:26This is.
08:27No, wait.
08:28This is.
08:29Oh, life just keeps getting better and better.
08:32Hey, maybe it's just me, but I think Earl seems unusually happy this morning.
08:36Hey, Earl, are you having some kind of brain problem there?
08:40Guys, I have discovered the key to eternal bliss.
08:45Huh?
08:46Lunch?
08:49It's in this simple plant, and I want to share it with you.
08:55Thanks.
08:56I'm touched.
08:57And you.
08:58Gee, it didn't get you anything.
09:00Sit, Clare!
09:01In here now!
09:02Hey!
09:04Doesn't he have the neatest yell?
09:07No presents?
09:10Coming!
09:11Coming!
09:13Coming!
09:16I love my special friend.
09:18Sinclair, you were late this morning.
09:20Oh, you noticed everything.
09:23Boss, I want you to accept this as my special love gift.
09:27From me to you.
09:29From me.
09:31Uh...
09:32Uh...
09:34Four hours late, Sinclair.
09:37I'm trying to think of one good reason not to tear your head off and spit down your throat.
09:41Oh, you don't fool me, Mr. Richfield.
09:44You may play the grouchy grump, but I know the real you.
09:48You want to run through a meadow.
09:50You want to sing a song.
09:52You want to feel the warm summer sun on your freckled face.
09:56I know that deep inside you, there's a frightened little boy yearning to be set free.
10:01Set him free, Pee-Pee.
10:03Let him come out and play.
10:06The only frightened little boy inside of me is the one I had for breakfast.
10:11And I'm having a sister for lunch.
10:14Oh, you are a witty wordsmith, sir.
10:16Gah!
10:16Sinclair!
10:17I ought to kill you and your whole family.
10:19But I'd probably get in trouble with the union.
10:21As it is, there's only one thing I can do to you.
10:24You're fired, Sinclair.
10:26Fired, fired, fired!
10:29Fired?
10:30That means I don't have to come to work anymore.
10:33Oh, this is the best day ever.
10:35Oh, thank you.
10:38Oh, thank you, sir.
10:42Thank you, thank you, thank you.
10:44Oh, for joy, for joy.
11:01Colors.
11:07All done.
11:09One more.
11:09Oh, thank you, sir.
11:11Wow.
11:15Baby making a mess.
11:19Baby on fire!
11:22Hello?
11:24Hello?
11:25Did you guys ever think that maybe we're being watched?
11:29What do you mean, son?
11:31Well, I mean, like, all the time.
11:33By secret cameras hidden in the walls.
11:36Like, like there.
11:38Or there.
11:39Or there.
11:44And that maybe our whole lives are on TV in some other universe somewhere.
11:49Yeah.
11:50Yeah.
11:51Yeah.
11:51And if they stopped watching us, we'd cease to exist.
11:55Oh!
11:56Whoa!
11:58Oh!
11:59Oh!
12:00Hey.
12:01Why is our numerical system based on ten when we only have eight fingers?
12:08Oh, yeah.
12:10We're that age.
12:11Hello?
12:12Father?
12:13Brother?
12:14Mm-hmm?
12:15Sister?
12:16Hey, hi.
12:17Oh, look.
12:17Baby.
12:19One more juice.
12:20Yes, I know.
12:21Oh, it's so funny the way his arms and legs move.
12:24One more juice.
12:25Wow.
12:25Oh, I could stand here and watch him all day.
12:27Yeah.
12:28Whoa.
12:29One more juice.
12:35Again!
12:39What are you all doing home?
12:40It's the middle of the day.
12:41Where is Mother?
12:42Hey, look, everybody.
12:43It's Fred.
12:45Hi, Fred.
12:47Why aren't you in school?
12:49Oh, I knew we were supposed to be someplace.
12:51Hey, Charlene.
12:52Huh?
12:53We're always someplace.
12:56Whoa!
12:58Mama, bring me food?
13:00No, Mama couldn't buy any groceries at the market because they refused to take our check.
13:05Apparently, there's no money in the account.
13:07How could there be?
13:08I haven't been to work for the longest time.
13:10What are you saying?
13:11I got fired a week ago.
13:13Oh, it was the happiest moment of my life.
13:16No, wait.
13:18This is...
13:18No, wait!
13:19This is...
13:20Stop that!
13:20You've been leaving the house every morning.
13:22Where have you been going?
13:23Well, for the first couple of days, I just stood in the driveway.
13:26Oh.
13:26But after a while, that stopped being fulfilling.
13:28So, I decided to improve myself.
13:31I've been going back to school.
13:34What?
13:34You mean high school?
13:36Well, I started off in high school, but I got sent back to junior high.
13:40It wasn't so much the academics.
13:42I just had trouble socially.
13:43This is crazy.
13:45No, no, no.
13:45It's okay.
13:46Now I'm past my awkward phase.
13:48I'm making friends.
13:49Hey, I'm even going out for cheerleader.
13:51Earl.
13:52And bite him, bite him, scratch him, bite him, beat him, beat him, scratch him.
13:54Earl, this has got to stop.
13:54Our family is coming apart.
13:56And I'm beginning to think this happy plant is a bad thing.
13:59Hey, Mom.
14:00What could be bad about something that makes you feel good?
14:02Don't you guys feel good?
14:05I feel good.
14:06Give me a G.
14:08Give me some food.
14:10Oh, I'll get you some food, sweetheart.
14:12It's about time.
14:15All these jars are empty.
14:17Who ate all the food?
14:18Well, we finished off everything in the refrigerator.
14:21You ate all the food?
14:23Uh-huh.
14:24We even finished the baking soda in the back.
14:26We have no food.
14:27We have no money.
14:28We'll live on love.
14:30Earl, that's it.
14:31We are going right down to Mr. Richfield's office, and you are going to beg him to give
14:35you your job back.
14:36But, but, I'll miss my pet, Bradley.
14:38And you are not taking this with you.
14:40You need to get as far from this as possible, back to a normal, healthy, working environment.
14:45I do.
14:46I do.
14:47I do.
14:48I do.
14:48I do.
14:49I do.
14:50I do.
14:50I do.
14:51I do.
14:52Hey, Eddie boy.
14:53Join the party.
14:55You guys are making fun of me, aren't you?
14:57No.
14:57We're just happy.
14:59Here.
14:59Have some more of the plants.
15:01No.
15:01No.
15:02No.
15:02I don't like the happy plants.
15:03I used to like the happy plants.
15:04Now it just makes me paranoid.
15:06At least I think it makes me paranoid.
15:09You all think I'm paranoid, don't you?
15:11Hey, steady there, Eduardo.
15:13We're here for you.
15:15We'll ride this out together.
15:17Hey there, guys.
15:19Huh?
15:19It's Earl.
15:20Oh, hey there, Pally boy.
15:23Come to join us for a little nibble?
15:25No, he hasn't.
15:26From now on, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep that stuff away from my husband.
15:29Whoa.
15:31Looks like somebody didn't need her happy plant this morning.
15:35Did you give Mr. Richfield some of that plant?
15:38My special love.
15:39Ow!
15:40Purple A's all through my brain.
15:44Let the things don't seem the same.
15:47Act is funny, and I don't know why.
15:50Mr. Richfield?
15:51Build me while I kiss the sky.
15:54Na, na, na.
15:54Over loud, over loud, yeah.
15:57Ha, ha.
15:58What's shaking, baby?
16:02Ha, ha, ha.
16:02Well, uh, Mr. Richfield, Earl is very sorry he offended you,
16:05and he wants to know if he can have his job.
16:07You're not talking about me here, aren't you?
16:09Huh?
16:09No, Ed.
16:10Please, leave us alone.
16:11Okay.
16:12Yeah, yeah.
16:13After I go, you'll talk about me, won't you?
16:14No, man, be cool.
16:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:19Um, we're sorry, Mr. Richfield.
16:21It's just that we're out of money, and...
16:22Sinclair, my eyes have opened in the last few days.
16:26I've seen the future of this company, and it's a gas, gas, gas.
16:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:31Ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:32From now on, nobody has to work around here.
16:35We can sit around all day and eat the happy plant.
16:38Can you dig it?
16:39Yeah, Daddy-O.
16:41I knew you could. Ha, ha.
16:43And I want you by my side as my assistant.
16:47No, my partner. Yeah, ha, ha.
16:49You and me, Sinclair.
16:51Doing absolutely nothing and getting paid for it.
16:55Ha, ha, ha.
16:55What happened?
16:57Uh, chill.
16:58Ah.
17:00B.P. here.
17:01You got the time.
17:03I got the time.
17:04Ha, ha, ha.
17:05Oh, hello, sir.
17:06What's happening?
17:07Uh-huh.
17:09Mm-hmm.
17:10Mm-hmm.
17:11Crazy.
17:12Dig it.
17:12I'm there.
17:13Out of sight.
17:13We gone.
17:15Well, I've been fired.
17:17Oh.
17:18Oh.
17:19Bummer.
17:20Uh, well.
17:21Uh.
17:24Whoa!
17:25Yeah!
17:26Act it funny!
17:27But I don't know why.
17:29Is that tomorrow?
17:31Just the end of time.
17:33Na, na, na.
17:34Na, na, na, na.
17:35Na, na, na.
17:35Na, na, na.
17:37Thank you!
17:48oh my head
17:51my body has this feeling
17:57oh it's like oh it's like unhappiness
18:01I forgot how bad this felt
18:05what time is it
18:06um it's noon
18:09no no no I slept through the big game
18:14and the girls were counting on me to be the bottom of the pyramid
18:17no I need some more plant I gotta get happy
18:20oh come on
18:24there's nothing left but seeds and stems
18:31there's one left
18:41stop it
18:43look at yourselves sleeping on the floor
18:47half-eaten food everywhere
18:49is this what our family has come to
18:52you guys got in trouble
18:54cut it out
18:55you three want to ruin your lives with that plant
18:57I'm not going to stay here and watch it
19:00we're leaving
19:00and we're not coming back until you clean yourselves up
19:05I know the place is a little messy
19:07but it's filled with happiness
19:09he he
19:12hi
19:13I'm Earl
19:16this is your brain
19:17this is your brain on the plant
19:23any questions
19:25we'll be at Monica's
19:32look what I've come down to
19:35no wife
19:36no baby
19:37no food
19:38no money
19:38no job
19:40my life has hit rock bottom
19:43I know what I have to do now
19:47there's gotta be more than I've been here somewhere
19:49we better find it soon
19:51I'm starting to feel frowny
19:53who's there
19:55Spike
19:56help me I've fallen in I can't get up
19:58Spike
20:00hey Zinclair listen
20:02mom spelled upside down
20:04is wow
20:05you've been lying in this spot all week
20:08the week
20:09wow
20:10hey wait that's another one
20:12wow spelled backwards is
20:15um
20:16I had it
20:18look at you you're sitting in dirt
20:21you smell
20:21you're disgusting
20:23yeah but I'm happy
20:24cause I got this
20:26here pass it around
20:30wow
20:31huh
20:32uh
20:33uh
20:34oh
20:40is that how we look
20:42head
20:43elbow
20:44kids
20:45I'm having a thought
20:46go dad
20:49maybe mom's got a point
20:51maybe throwing away everything real and lasting in our lives for a cheap high has a downside
20:56yeah
20:59so we agree
21:01no more plant
21:04no more plant
21:06no more throwing our lives away
21:09well
21:10no more throwing our lives away
21:12good
21:14now let's go home and tell your mother the good news
21:16yeah but but first we have to destroy the plant so we won't ever be tempted to use it again
21:20no son
21:21to destroy the plant would be an act of weakness
21:24yes we must be stronger than the plant
21:27yeah
21:27we must leave it here to remind us that there is always temptation in the world and that we must
21:33always be strong
21:38of course burning it's a good idea too right sweetheart
21:41uh-huh
21:42yeah
21:43cut that's a wrap
21:44oh
21:44hey great job guys see you next week
21:47towel please
21:48okay rf
21:49yeah thanks
21:50hi
21:51i'm robert sinclair but you know me as robbie sinclair and the adult themed mega hit dinosaurs
21:56hey great show
21:57yeah thanks dimitri
21:58but it got a little preachy toward the end
22:01indeed it did
22:02you see folks drugs are a major problem in our society
22:06thanks
22:07drugs ruin lives divide families and lead to heavy-handed preachy sitcom episodes like this one
22:13of course we managed to keep it delightfully funny and upbeat but other shows aren't so lucky
22:19there's an epidemic in television today that threatens the very fiber of the comedy we hold so dear
22:24when one show does an anti-drug episode other shows feel pressured to do one too
22:28now they're even going after the younger shows i mean we've only been on for a year and here i
22:33am
22:33talking to the camera so come on say no to drugs help put a stop to preachy sitcom endings like
22:39this one
22:40it's up to you to make a difference
23:03you
23:03there
23:03okay
23:31We'll see you next time.
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