- 1 day ago
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00:00:23Another one like that, and we've won.
00:00:25My, well, this is a great event for you, my dear,
00:00:27watching two of your hottest suitors
00:00:28making a last-wicked stand together.
00:00:30Bo and Humphrey do absolutely everything together, Papa,
00:00:33as you well know.
00:00:37Yes!
00:00:44How's it?
00:00:48Out!
00:00:50Oh, bad luck, sir.
00:00:52Thank you, Simpson.
00:00:53We only had four more runs together.
00:00:56Well, it's all in the game, Simpson.
00:01:01Hard luck, Humph, old man.
00:01:03Take your hands off me, you cab.
00:01:06Eh?
00:01:06What's up, old lad?
00:01:07You know damn well what's up.
00:01:09You deliberately tripped me.
00:01:12Humphrey, what are you saying?
00:01:13You deliberately tripped me.
00:01:15Now, just a minute, gentlemen.
00:01:16This is an extremely grave charge you're making, Captain Bagshaw.
00:01:20Mr. West, is there any truth in it?
00:01:21Well, no, of course not.
00:01:23Humphrey's my friend.
00:01:24Why would I want to go and do a thing like that?
00:01:26Then you're saying that Captain Bagshaw is a liar.
00:01:29Well, no, I don't mean that.
00:01:30But, well, he must have tripped over, over his boot lace.
00:01:33My boot lace?
00:01:35The lace on the elastic-sided boots.
00:01:38Oh, Bo, how could you do such a despicable thing?
00:01:42Mr. West, you are no longer welcome in my house, nor as a member of my...
00:01:48Oh, crooked team.
00:01:50Come, Jane.
00:01:59I've lost her, Simpson.
00:02:08This letter has just arrived for you, my lady.
00:02:12Thank you, nice and gentle.
00:02:13Excuse me.
00:02:21What is it, my beloved?
00:02:24It's...
00:02:25It's Mr. West.
00:02:32My dearest Jane, by the time you receive this letter, I shall have left this country for good.
00:02:37Lord, the only hope I have of forgetting the terrible things that have happened
00:02:41is to join the French Foreign Legion.
00:02:44Oh, no.
00:02:46Excuse me.
00:02:51Oh, never mind, my dear.
00:02:53It's the best thing he could do.
00:02:54His life wouldn't have been worth living here.
00:02:55No other cricket club would have accepted him.
00:02:59What the hell is it?
00:03:10Well, cut him down. Someone cut him down.
00:03:14He's dripping all over me best carpet.
00:03:16Excuse me, my lady.
00:03:24Oh, Humphrey.
00:03:26What made you do it? Why?
00:03:27I...
00:03:28I...
00:03:31Bo...
00:03:32Bo didn't trip me.
00:03:34I...
00:03:35fell...
00:03:36on purpose.
00:03:39Bo...
00:03:40Dearest Bo, what have we done to you?
00:03:43Bo, what have we done to you?
00:03:46Good night, sir.
00:03:53Good night, sir.
00:03:54Whoa, Cleop.
00:03:56Is this it, Simpson?
00:03:57Yes, sir.
00:03:58Siddi-Bel Abbey.
00:04:00Well, get me down, Simpson.
00:04:01Certainly, sir.
00:04:02Hey, you, Arab fellow.
00:04:04Camero, Bobo.
00:04:14I'll never get used to that I expected the back end to go down first oh well never mind that
00:04:22we'll
00:04:22try and find out where one joins up around here will you yes sir let's try that cafe over there
00:04:36anyone home good morning madam my name is Bertram Oliphant West well I'm sorry but what can I do
00:04:46about it my name is Zig Zig and what can you do about that no no you you misunderstand me
00:04:52madam
00:04:52I merely wish to ask where one goes to join the foreign legion ah just one moment I go ask
00:04:58the
00:04:59sergeant sergeant sergeant knocker he is important man in legion he know everything is he here oh yes
00:05:08often perhaps it's the married quarter Simpson
00:05:23hello sugar date not now baby I gotta get some sleep
00:05:32what is this strange fascination I have over them why can't they let me alone but for a moment
00:05:38part of my heart I only want to talk you go right ahead and talk sugar date you talk while
00:05:45I get
00:05:45some sleep no no no don't go to sleep yet there are two men here who are wanting to join
00:05:50you
00:05:50nothing doing let them find their own bed no no to join you in the legion simple let them report
00:05:59the
00:05:59headquarters just the other side of town okay I tell them and then come back but you just
00:06:08say you want to sleep can I happen if my tongue don't know how my mind works
00:06:20legion legion present arms
00:06:30that's it just us capital peace oui oui hello did anybody call capital peace
00:06:39commonon burger look spring flowers spring flowers early bloomers this is no joke pull those bloomers down
00:06:48Pull them down!
00:06:50Now, Commodore, not so loud.
00:06:53Anyone listening outside the fort will wonder what's going on in the air.
00:06:55I don't care about those pigs! Pull them down!
00:06:59I want to get to the bottom of this.
00:07:01Capital apiece, the man who is responsible for this will be buried in the sand up to here.
00:07:07Head first. Find out who he is.
00:07:08But how?
00:07:09How? Use your brain. Search the lockers.
00:07:12Find out which one wears underwear like this.
00:07:14Now, Commodore, no legionnaire will wear anything like this.
00:07:17How do you know? We get all sorts in the legion.
00:07:21And it's our custom not to ask questions.
00:07:23Perhaps it's time we started.
00:07:24Oh, Herr Commandant, look.
00:07:26There is a message written on the back.
00:07:29Well, it can't be a message from the front.
00:07:31What is death to all legion infidels?
00:07:35Your time is nigh. The flaming sword is spoken.
00:07:39What is that? What flaming sword?
00:07:41Herr Commandant, it is an emblem of the leader of the rifts, Sheikh Abdul Abulbul.
00:07:46They have got my message.
00:07:50Let us give them a taste of what is soon to come.
00:07:53It is great.
00:07:55I intend to get to the bottom.
00:08:02See how the mice run.
00:08:05But the time is not yet.
00:08:08We will go.
00:08:10If any, look what comes.
00:08:22This appears to be the place, sir.
00:08:24Oh, well, help me down, will you, Simpson?
00:08:26Oh, camel bobo.
00:08:35I've got it.
00:08:37Oh, sir.
00:08:40Keep still, sir.
00:08:43It has been truly said.
00:08:46The mind of the white infidel is like the action of the cleanser.
00:08:51Clean round the bend.
00:08:53This way, sir.
00:09:00Ah, well, Simpson, the time has come to say goodbye, old friend.
00:09:06No, sir.
00:09:07I can't do it.
00:09:08I can't leave you here like this.
00:09:10I'm going to join the foreign legion, too.
00:09:12Oh, Simpson.
00:09:16Send me.
00:09:19Not in front of the native, sir.
00:09:21Oh.
00:09:22Sorry, sir.
00:09:23Shall I, uh, shall I knock now?
00:09:25Please do that, Simpson.
00:09:26Excuse me, sir.
00:09:28Oh, commandant.
00:09:29I think there is someone knocking at the gate.
00:09:31The nerve of the dogs.
00:09:32Do they expect me to let them in and surrender the depot?
00:09:34Ah, perhaps that would be the wisest move.
00:09:37Never over your dead body.
00:09:39Who?
00:09:40I've got something in store for them they didn't bargain for.
00:09:42Move out the cannon and load with grape.
00:09:45And if you haven't got any grape, load with some other fruit.
00:09:48Come on, you man.
00:09:49Move out the cannon.
00:09:50Get out your grapes.
00:09:52They don't want our services, sir.
00:09:54Nonsense.
00:09:54They're always looking out for recruits.
00:09:56They'll welcome us with open arms, you'll see.
00:09:59Get out your grapes!
00:10:01Then what'll I tell you?
00:10:04Fire!
00:10:12So, you came to join the Foreign Legion?
00:10:16Yes, we keep telling you that.
00:10:17Are you aware this place has just been under heavy attack?
00:10:20How do I know you're not one of them?
00:10:23Oh, no, sir.
00:10:25Spies!
00:10:26Spies!
00:10:26Sent in here to learn our secrets.
00:10:28Spies?
00:10:29How dare you, sir?
00:10:30We are English gentlemen.
00:10:32Don't talk to me about your English gentlemen.
00:10:35I have seen what you scribble on the walls of your English gentlemen.
00:10:39Mr. West has never so much as raised a finger to a wall.
00:10:41He's a man of honor.
00:10:43If he's a man of so much honor, why does he need to join the Foreign Legion?
00:10:47I...
00:10:48I can't tell you that.
00:10:50Ah, so, perhaps you lost your honor on the playing fields of Eton.
00:10:54Well, that was not Mr. West's fault.
00:10:58There happened to be a gardener, Simpson.
00:11:00Sir, good.
00:11:01You can enlist.
00:11:02But be careful, you will be watched.
00:11:03At the first sign of any treachery, the firing squad.
00:11:07The firing squad?
00:11:08Oh, we'll enjoy that, sir.
00:11:09Mr. West is an excellent shot.
00:11:11Lepis!
00:11:12Take them away.
00:11:13Oui, commoner, Berger!
00:11:15Oui, good!
00:11:16Attention!
00:11:17All right, turn!
00:11:19Quick!
00:11:20Match!
00:11:22After you, sir.
00:11:23Oh, no, that's all right.
00:11:24Oh, no, I insist.
00:11:25No, Simpson.
00:11:26Oh, get out!
00:11:30Lepis!
00:11:31Oui, commoner!
00:11:32Turn him over to the colour sergeant.
00:11:34He remakes soldiers of him.
00:11:36Oh.
00:11:37Er, didn't you know, sir?
00:11:38Sergeant Knocker hasn't returned from a patrol yet.
00:11:41Not back yet?
00:11:42But it's been six days.
00:11:44Was he back himself again?
00:11:49All right, sugar date.
00:11:50Hold it.
00:11:51Right here, sugar.
00:11:53Sergeant, do you have to go back now?
00:11:55Oh, come on, sugar date.
00:11:57I explained to you.
00:11:58We had six wonderful days together.
00:11:59Heaven.
00:12:00It was great.
00:12:00It really was swinging.
00:12:02But, baby, I belong here.
00:12:04I got my work to do.
00:12:05Come back now.
00:12:06Honey, can I explain to you?
00:12:08I'm a sergeant.
00:12:09I'm an important man.
00:12:10How do you think I got these?
00:12:11How did you get them?
00:12:14Well, if I was to tell you, you'd be even more crazy about me than you are now.
00:12:19You're a good girl.
00:12:19Thanks a lot, honey.
00:12:22Thanks for the lift.
00:12:23I have a good ass, no?
00:12:30Give me a break, will you?
00:12:31It's a vast country.
00:12:33I can't take care of all of them.
00:12:35Hello.
00:12:37Back to the humdrum life.
00:12:58Hey.
00:13:00Get out of your back!
00:13:03They're coming on! Sergeant Knockout! He's back!
00:13:06Impossible! Who may we? They're coming on!
00:13:08He's at the gates now!
00:13:22My God!
00:13:33Call Sergeant Knockout reporting, sir! Back from patrol!
00:13:39No, sir, thank you, sir. I'll be all right after all.
00:13:43I've just been five days without food or water. That's all.
00:13:47Bring water, quickly!
00:13:50Thank you, sir. I'll be all right. I must file my report.
00:13:53Drink, sergeant.
00:13:54No, thank you.
00:13:55Thank you, sir. Delicious, sir.
00:14:00Hey, now, sergeant, if you feel strong enough, your report.
00:14:02Yes, sir. Well, you see, last Saturday, I got this tip off.
00:14:05There was going to be an attack on Fort Swassoneth.
00:14:07Well, it cost me 20 francs, but I don't mind if I don't get it back.
00:14:10It was worth it, sir.
00:14:11Sergeant, you will get it back.
00:14:13Oh, thank you, sir. You're a brick.
00:14:16Well, I thought I'd better get to the garrison and warn them immediately, sir.
00:14:19It's for the north, but that's over 200 kilometers away.
00:14:23But what does that matter, sir, with the lives of fellow legioners at stake, sir?
00:14:27You went alone?
00:14:29Yes.
00:14:29What happened?
00:14:30I was attacked by this murderous group of riffs.
00:14:33Ah, so, you were surprised.
00:14:35I mean, what chance did I have?
00:14:37One legionnaire against a hundred riffs.
00:14:39A hundred?
00:14:40But you don't have to worry about them, sir.
00:14:43Not with half their number dead.
00:14:45I can hardly believe it.
00:14:47You can hardly believe it myself?
00:14:49I count them twice, sir.
00:14:51Capital apiece.
00:14:52This gallantry merits immediate recognition.
00:14:54I will get the box, Herr Commandant.
00:14:58Hard to knock.
00:14:59I salute your bravery.
00:15:00You have conducted yourself in the highest traditions of the legion.
00:15:03Oh, please, sir.
00:15:04You're embarrassing me in front of the men.
00:15:07Oh, sir.
00:15:09This isn't necessary.
00:15:09I have enough medals.
00:15:11It is a proud moment just to serve for you, sir.
00:15:14I don't...
00:15:15Oh, there's a goodie.
00:15:16Yes.
00:15:17And this one here.
00:15:18Mmm.
00:15:18Solid silver.
00:15:19Splendid.
00:15:20Thank you, sir.
00:15:25But, Jane, my dear, I still think you're wrong to go.
00:15:28Oh, Papa, I must.
00:15:30Don't you see?
00:15:31It was mainly because of me that Bo left.
00:15:33And it's my duty to find him and tell him that his name has now been cleared.
00:15:37Oh, very well.
00:15:38But please be careful, my dear.
00:15:40You've led far too sheltered a life to know what could possibly happen to a young woman travelling alone.
00:15:45Oh, I have a first-class seat reserved on the train.
00:15:48Oh, I'm not bothered about your seat.
00:15:50There'll be men.
00:15:52What can men do to me?
00:15:54Oh, far too sheltered a life.
00:16:02Oh, good morning, miss.
00:16:09I just wanted to punch your ticket.
00:16:11Punch my ticket?
00:16:12That's right.
00:16:12Uh, are you, uh, are you travelling alone, miss?
00:16:15Well, yes.
00:16:16Why?
00:16:17Oh.
00:16:22Well, there's, uh, nothing to it, really.
00:16:26Honey, way to punch my ticket.
00:16:34Wake up, you dogs!
00:16:36Wake up!
00:16:37Wake up!
00:16:38Wake up!
00:16:38Wake up!
00:16:39Come on!
00:16:40You!
00:16:40Wake up!
00:16:41You son of a dog!
00:16:41Sleepy will stop now!
00:16:43Shackra fuller!
00:16:44What are you doing?
00:16:46Hey, you!
00:16:46Wake up!
00:16:47Morning, sir.
00:16:48Oh, good morning, Simpson.
00:16:49It appears it's time to rise, sir.
00:16:51Oh, thank you very much.
00:16:52Where's the tea?
00:16:52There hasn't seemed to be any served yet, sir.
00:16:55Oh.
00:16:56Well, in that case, run my bath, would you?
00:16:58I agree to inform you, sir, that I've been unable to find a bath.
00:17:02No baths?
00:17:03No, sir.
00:17:03I'm given to understand that...
00:17:05Oh, dare I serve you?
00:17:06Please, dare.
00:17:08That one uses a horse trough outside, sir.
00:17:12Oh, well, in that case, run my trough.
00:17:14Thank you, Klatsky.
00:17:17Oh!
00:17:18Ah.
00:17:20Nice to be back.
00:17:21Simple comforts.
00:17:24That was a rough patrol you had, sergeant.
00:17:26They don't come any rougher, Klatsky.
00:17:29Six days, six nights on a job.
00:17:31Takes a lot out of a man.
00:17:33You bet.
00:17:34You bet.
00:17:35You know, sergeants, it's incredible.
00:17:37You do all that walking and not a grain of sand in your boots.
00:17:42Yeah.
00:17:42When I do what I do, I do it with my boots off.
00:17:47Good morning, John.
00:17:54Ah, it's good to be back.
00:17:58Look out on the old parade grounds and see...
00:18:03What the hell is that?
00:18:05You must be seeing things.
00:18:07There are two new ones, sergeant, coming yesterday.
00:18:10Well, do they think this is a health spa?
00:18:11What are they?
00:18:13Newlyweds or something?
00:18:15They're English, sergeant.
00:18:16You know the English?
00:18:17They're half nuts.
00:18:18By the time I'm finished with them, they'll be whole nuts.
00:18:21Boy, I'm looking forward to training those two.
00:18:24I haven't had anything as good to work on since that other library was here.
00:18:28What was his name again?
00:18:30Bowlegs or something.
00:18:31Ah, that's the one.
00:18:32Okay, get them on parade ground, corporal.
00:18:35What do you got in mind, sergeant?
00:18:37Down, parade ground!
00:18:38I don't know!
00:18:39Move!
00:18:40Hurry up!
00:18:41What do you think this is a picnic, you lousy dog?
00:18:43There you!
00:18:44You soldiers, you understand?
00:18:46Cover off!
00:18:47Cover off!
00:19:00Cover off!
00:19:05Cover off!
00:19:06Cover off every one of you!
00:19:08Now then, properly at ease, you lousy king!
00:19:11Move, you dog!
00:19:14Come on!
00:19:14Hey!
00:19:15All right, what's going on here?
00:19:16Any old enough to dress himself?
00:19:17A gentleman never dresses himself.
00:19:21Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
00:19:23You see, I'm so terribly ignorant of these facts.
00:19:26That's perfectly all right, old chap.
00:19:27You'll learn.
00:19:28Is there something we can do for you?
00:19:30Yes.
00:19:31I wonder if you'd care to join us for a teensy-wincy parade.
00:19:36You see, the commandant will be there.
00:19:38Oh, it'll be such fun.
00:19:39Well, that's very decent of you, sergeant.
00:19:42Thank you very much indeed.
00:19:43We'd both be delighted.
00:19:45Oh, bully, bully, bully.
00:19:47Just as soon as we've breakfasted.
00:19:49Oh, by the way, where is the restaurant?
00:19:51Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
00:19:53I'm afraid there is no restaurant.
00:19:55But I'll tell you what there is.
00:19:57Oh, what?
00:19:57We have a pit where we bury you up to your neck in sand for days and days.
00:20:03Oh?
00:20:04What for?
00:20:05For talking back in here, sergeant!
00:20:06For not being ready for parade!
00:20:08And for acting like a couple of motherless fatherless jerks!
00:20:12Now you get with it!
00:20:13Get dressed and be out there in five seconds!
00:20:15Get out for right now!
00:20:17Let it out!
00:20:21Come.
00:20:24Ready for inspection, sir.
00:20:26Thank you, sergeant.
00:20:27In future, I want the garrison kept on standby.
00:20:29All leave is cancelled and double the guards!
00:20:32Yeah, got it!
00:20:34Double the guards?
00:20:35What for, sir?
00:20:36I'm expecting trouble.
00:20:38Have you seen these?
00:20:39Oh, would you like to have them filled, sir?
00:20:42Sergeant!
00:20:43I mean, any woman wearing these can cause plenty of trouble around the fort.
00:20:47Don't you worry, sir.
00:20:48I'll track her down.
00:20:49She won't lay a glove on you.
00:20:50I did not get them from a woman, sergeant.
00:20:54Then from who, sir?
00:20:57I'm...
00:20:58Hello?
00:20:59Hello.
00:21:00They were raised on the flagpole.
00:21:03Yesterday morning, there's a message on them.
00:21:05Look!
00:21:05A message?
00:21:06How does it...
00:21:07Oh, Abdul-Abulbul.
00:21:09I wouldn't worry about him, sir.
00:21:10Don't give it a second thought.
00:21:11After all, he has 12 wives.
00:21:13What time has he got left for fighting?
00:21:15There's an old Arab saying, sergeant.
00:21:18The more a camel has to drink, the more he will want to make stops.
00:21:24That's a goodie.
00:21:25Did you hear the one about the butler and the upstairs men?
00:21:27Sergeant!
00:21:28I want you to bear that in mind.
00:21:30I am now ready to inspect your men.
00:21:32Sir!
00:21:37Present!
00:21:39Ha!
00:21:49Straighten the jacket.
00:21:52There.
00:21:52Good.
00:21:55Good.
00:21:57Good.
00:21:57Good.
00:21:58Good.
00:21:58Good.
00:21:58Good.
00:21:58What is that?
00:21:59The joke?
00:22:01Oh, I forgot I had it on the head, sir.
00:22:03Deal with this man, sergeant.
00:22:05Yes, sir.
00:22:05It'll be a pleasure.
00:22:06Oh, it's the hat.
00:22:08Oh, don't blame him, sir.
00:22:09He was so busy helping me that he...
00:22:11Silence!
00:22:12Ah!
00:22:13Ah!
00:22:14Ah!
00:22:15Ah!
00:22:17Ah!
00:22:20Entrez!
00:22:22Bonjour, mademoiselle.
00:22:24Welcome aboard.
00:22:24Oh, merci.
00:22:25I'm sure.
00:22:26It is possible, mademoiselle, that it will be rough in the channel.
00:22:29I must check your portal.
00:22:31By all means.
00:22:36Mademoiselle is travelling along?
00:22:38Yes.
00:22:39Why?
00:22:39Uh-huh.
00:22:43Ah!
00:22:45What an odd way to check my portal.
00:23:01These damn flies.
00:23:03Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
00:23:04It's all my fault.
00:23:06Ah, well, Simpson.
00:23:07Only another five more days to go.
00:23:09Yes, sir.
00:23:13Sir?
00:23:14Yes, Simpson.
00:23:15What is it?
00:23:16Do you think they have worms in the Sahara, sir?
00:23:19I don't know.
00:23:20Why?
00:23:22There's something crawling up my gom, sir.
00:23:25Now, steady on, Simpson.
00:23:26Oh, I can't stand much more of this, sir.
00:23:29Oh, forgive me, sir.
00:23:30But, with your permission, I think I'll go mad.
00:23:33Oh, I've got the worms!
00:23:34The worms!
00:23:34And steady on.
00:23:36Oh, oh, oh.
00:23:36Now, there's going to be plenty more of this.
00:23:38That sergeant's got it in for us.
00:23:39Oh, oh, I know, sir.
00:23:41And just think, sir, he was the one that told us where to come and enlist.
00:23:45Oh.
00:23:45What do you mean?
00:23:47That's sergeant knocker, sir.
00:23:49The one the woman in the cafe went to ask.
00:23:51He was in the back room.
00:23:52Oh.
00:23:52And then a little while later, he came in, looking a wreck and staggering about all over
00:23:56the place.
00:23:57So would I if I'd spent some time with that woman, sir.
00:24:00But he told the commandant he'd just come back from patrol.
00:24:03And he got decorated for bravery.
00:24:12Enjoying yourself, gentlemen?
00:24:14We're just beginning to, sergeant.
00:24:16Well, I'm glad to hear that.
00:24:18Because when I get you out of here, I'm going to make your life so miserable, you're going
00:24:22to be glad to get back in.
00:24:23Oh, I don't think so, sergeant.
00:24:25Not a brave man like you, who can go out on patrol and kill 50 riffs single-handed.
00:24:31Fifty-three.
00:24:32Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:24:34You see what I mean, Simpson?
00:24:35It couldn't have been Sergeant Knocker who was in the cafe with that woman.
00:24:38But it was, sir.
00:24:39I saw him through the curtain.
00:24:41Nonsense.
00:24:41You must be imagining things.
00:24:43I tell you what, when we get out of here, we'll go and ask the commandant.
00:24:47He should know.
00:24:48Hey, wait a minute.
00:24:49Were you the two guys that were in the cafe yesterday morning?
00:24:52So it was you in there then, sergeant.
00:24:54Trotsky!
00:24:57Sergeant.
00:24:57Corporal Trotsky!
00:24:58What are these two fine men doing down there?
00:25:01But sergeant, you told me to put them in the hotbox.
00:25:04I told you?
00:25:05I would waste the talent of these two intelligent, hard-working, conscientious soldiers in this
00:25:10manner?
00:25:10You must be out of your mind!
00:25:12But sergeant, you...
00:25:14Don't bite me!
00:25:15Don't bite me!
00:25:15But sergeant!
00:25:15How are you gonna squab and dig these fine gentlemen out here out of trouble?
00:25:19Hey, sergeant!
00:25:20Don't you worry, fellas.
00:25:20It's all been a big mistake.
00:25:22Here, have a cigar.
00:25:23I have a feeling we're gonna be real buddies.
00:25:25Respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect!
00:25:27Move it!
00:25:28Move it!
00:25:30Move it!
00:25:31Move it!
00:25:32Move it!
00:25:33Move it!
00:25:33Move it!
00:25:33Move it!
00:25:34Move it!
00:25:34Move it!
00:25:35How are you doing, fellas?
00:25:38Everything all right?
00:25:40I'm good!
00:25:43Charge!
00:25:52I'm so sorry, sergeant.
00:25:53That's all right.
00:25:54Anybody can make a little mistake?
00:25:57Buddy!
00:26:01Wakey-wakey, sinny!
00:26:08Tees up!
00:26:09Thank you very much indeed, sergeant.
00:26:12Oh, no bother.
00:26:13I wonder if you would make parade this morning.
00:26:15It's Commandant's inspection.
00:26:16It shouldn't take long, you know.
00:26:18Yes, I...
00:26:19I think we could make it, yes.
00:26:21Oh, that's what I admire.
00:26:22Keenness.
00:26:23However...
00:26:24No hurry.
00:26:24Whenever you're ready.
00:26:26Buddy.
00:26:27All right.
00:26:28Come along, you guys.
00:26:29Hold it!
00:26:30Right there.
00:26:30Right there.
00:26:32Now shut your eyes.
00:26:33Come on!
00:26:33Shut your eyes!
00:26:34This is gonna be a surprise.
00:26:36You're not shutting your eyes.
00:26:39Okay.
00:26:40Open them!
00:26:41Surprise!
00:26:43Oh, sergeant.
00:26:44Oh, sergeant.
00:26:44We...
00:26:44We don't know what to say.
00:26:45Ah!
00:26:46Just a small token of my esteem, buddies.
00:26:48Yeah, but...
00:26:49Where did you get it from?
00:26:50Oh, uh, never mind.
00:26:51Just don't tell anybody.
00:26:52Le piece!
00:26:54Le piece!
00:26:55Le piece!
00:26:56We are coming down!
00:26:56Where's my bastard gone, little bastard?
00:27:00Entree?
00:27:03Welcome to the Kaifer Hotel, Algeria, mademoiselle.
00:27:07I am the manager.
00:27:08How nice.
00:27:08I just wanted to see whether your accommodation is, uh, satisfactory.
00:27:14Well, yes.
00:27:15Yes, I'm sure.
00:27:16Mademoiselle travels along.
00:27:19Yes.
00:27:30Oh!
00:27:32What an extraordinary way to see if my accommodation is satisfactory.
00:28:07I did not listen to the
00:28:32you can't beat it there's nothing like an old-fashioned waltz
00:29:00do you not say hello to me tonight my sergeant hello you mind honey i can't see me get out
00:29:04of the way
00:29:19hello baby how about giving us the dance of the two veils you mean seven veils why bother with the
00:29:26preliminaries hey did you see that she's crazy about me she's very beautiful but but why was
00:29:35she wearing that ruby in her well in here has to keep the draft out i don't know if you
00:29:42happen to
00:29:42notice sir but these things yes simpson i did happen to notice well we have some casserole dishes just
00:29:49like that at home sir oh yes that's right we used to put our dumplings in them they use them
00:29:54for the
00:29:54same reason here i'd like to meet her what that dancer sir oh i i don't think that'd be advisable
00:30:01at all sir well why ever not simmy's right you'd never catch me getting mixed up with a woman of
00:30:07that sort hello there well why don't you take off your clothes and pull up a chair
00:30:15thank you no no thank you now who told you i was the only one around here worth bothering with
00:30:22oh nobody oh just psychic eh may i say how very much i enjoyed your dancing thank you you are
00:30:29most
00:30:30kind we we haven't seen you here before no i have just come from egypt ah egypt land of mystery
00:30:36home of the mighty fairies you mean pharaohs i know what i mean you are so very pretty
00:30:45oh please oh no no it is true what is your name
00:30:53west west bertram oliphant west ludicrous ain't it my name is bertram oliphant it's a riot isn't it
00:31:03you see my name is but most of my best friends call me bo bo yes b o you've got
00:31:10some nice friends
00:31:11and what's your name they call me kork tip now i bet you can't guess my name oh yes i
00:31:18know your name
00:31:20how do you like that it's even spread to egypt it had to happen they call you the big stinker
00:31:26yeah that's what they call me everybody know what i hear zing zing call you that just now
00:31:33how do you like that day well she'll get no more favors out of me
00:31:43may i offer you some refreshment miss corp oh no thank you i must go work now
00:31:48oh dancing again no i also tell fortune really how oh with the ball or by the hand
00:31:57or i feel your birds
00:32:05oh dead bird it was i yes
00:32:09very well done i must admit
00:32:13go on now just a moment
00:32:18you will be the first to die
00:32:20enough go go you dogs
00:32:26a thousand apologies gentlemen they're just ignorant fools yeah it's a good thing you showed up
00:32:32just about to lose my temper it will not happen again peace be on you and peace on you too
00:32:43fools you will kill legionnaires here in front of everyone i have other plans for them
00:32:56come
00:33:00excuse me herr commandant there is a woman here for you a woman but it's not saturday is it no
00:33:05no not that
00:33:06one here commandant a white woman she asked to see the officer in charge a white woman out here and
00:33:12out there well bring her in bring her in immediately
00:33:14oui oui
00:33:19lady jane pontonby commandant burger chain maximilian
00:33:27oh pardon oh can it rarely be you it's been such a long time
00:33:31oh years ago vienna when i was in finishing school and i was your fencing master and finished you off
00:33:39i was only 17 i hardly knew what it was all about fencing i mean i'm such a beautiful child
00:33:46you were
00:33:46with the pigtails and the braces on your teeth and you had braces too on your leather shorts remember
00:33:51oh my libs
00:33:54maximilian
00:33:54forgive me my dear but it's been so many years since i've even seen a white woman
00:33:58oh come now there can't be that much difference apart from the color that's very true in fact
00:34:03there's an old arab saying the whiteness of the snow is as the blackness of the coal hole when
00:34:08there's no light what a lovely thing but not you you could never be the same it was because of
00:34:15you
00:34:15that i joined the legion because of me yes that day you are coming to me for the private lesson
00:34:22and i did what i did to you oh i was so ashamed oh look it was nothing oh only
00:34:29a little scratch
00:34:30but i have never touched a sword since oh poor maximilian no matter you have forgiven me and found
00:34:37me again oh maximilian i didn't come here looking for you not for me no i really came to find
00:34:45a very
00:34:45dear friend of mine uh mr west bow west and this man is important to you yes i i do
00:34:52have to be
00:34:52anything to find him anything yes tell me are you traveling alone yes very well in that case oh never
00:35:03mind
00:35:04i'll do it i wish you to get them to come to your house my men will take care of
00:35:20them then i understand
00:35:27all three of them all three of them no just two of them he with the head like the dome
00:35:35of the mosque
00:35:36of omar and he with eyes like well holes in the sand it shall be done oh powerful one
00:35:50hey cock tip she want to see you in the back room me yes you don't ask me why
00:35:55don't have to ask i know how they can only fight against it for just so long and then it's
00:36:02well chavis don't wait up for me what
00:36:13you can stop looking for it in there it's right here sit down i would like to see what's in
00:36:20store
00:36:20for you hey i'd like to see what's in store for me myself no no you must not not here
00:36:26i tell your fortune sit fine but uh never mind that let's get to the bumps huh you interest me
00:36:35strangely i feel an affinity between us a destiny that guides our ends fine you take care of your
00:36:45end i'll take care of behind ah it is clearing now i see you meeting a dark woman somewhere else
00:36:54oh
00:36:55uh it wouldn't be you would it it might be yes it is me fine when i see a clock
00:37:07it says midnight midnight
00:37:11it is where i see a house it is the tenth house in the street of many fools oh 10
00:37:22downing street
00:37:24i'll be there
00:37:31well what happened where what do you mean oh oh nothing at all she just stole my fortune nothing
00:37:37to it oh well we'll soon see about that sit down where do you think you're gone the sergeant's right
00:37:44sir well i like that didn't you just tell me to go and find another woman yes i mean a
00:37:48lady of breeding
00:37:49sir a woman of that type is only looking for one thing good i'll go and help her find it
00:37:53oh dear oh
00:37:55dear sergeant do you think he's going to be all right good you have come i was just going to
00:38:05send for
00:38:05you you you were really yes you fascinate me strangely please sit down
00:38:17oh you have a very interesting head well what does it tell you well this one here this big bomb
00:38:29this indicates that you are very romantic and passionate that's very funny that's where i was hit
00:38:38by a cricket ball but you are passionate i feel it here is it not true well i i did
00:38:46once breathe rather
00:38:47heavily down my music teacher's neck she was showing me some five finger exercises and i lost my senses
00:38:52is that all you mean you have never kissed a woman oh yes but never one wearing a veil what
00:39:02difference
00:39:02does my veil make well it would be like sucking a toffee with the paper on and if i were
00:39:08to take it
00:39:09off oh yes it is well but it is forbidden for me to remove it in public of course if
00:39:18you were to
00:39:19come to my house later yes about ten minutes after midnight yes yes there will be a whole toffee
00:39:31assortment with no papers on must you go this last hour has been an experience i cannot forget oh yes
00:39:42it's been fun but i really must see beau now very well he will be at the cafe zig-a
00:39:46-zig i will take you
00:39:47there oh no i must see him alone surely you understand that very well my libs but be careful
00:39:52it is not safe for a young woman to go about alone oh papa told me that before i left
00:39:57but i mean nothing's
00:39:58happened to me yet nothing unpleasant that is but out here it's different these hot-blooded arabs once
00:40:03they get you amongst the sand dunes oh do tell me what do they do oh i cannot tell you
00:40:08but there's an
00:40:09old arab sayings as many a good fiddle played on an old dune so be careful my libs
00:40:23okay fellas let's take the short cut
00:40:52who is this woman who is this woman
00:40:55she of the skin the color of camel tripes i do not know why i desire her bring her to
00:41:06me
00:41:17i'm sure you will find the one you're seeking
00:41:21in the meantime perhaps you would care to accept the hospitality of my humble dwelling oh how kind
00:41:29do you live near here my encampment is at the oasis and looking in the desert amongst the sand
00:41:37dunes naturally i thought as much thank you very much but i feel i ought to stay somewhere in town
00:41:42as you wish perhaps you will change your mind you will have a drink thank you
00:41:50what is it we call it sherbet
00:41:55sherbet i haven't had any sherbet since i was a little girl
00:41:58it's harmless isn't it of course if drunk quickly
00:42:10it doesn't taste quite the same as i remember
00:42:13it doesn't taste quite the same as i was a little girl
00:42:38it doesn't taste quite the same as i was a little girl
00:42:49it doesn't taste quite the same as i was a little girl
00:42:49but i love that she's got the same as i was a little girl
00:42:49i'm travelling alone you know
00:42:51Oh, my God.
00:43:30Oh, my God.
00:43:51Remember, baby.
00:43:52By the time I'm through with you, you won't know what hit you.
00:43:58No!
00:44:30Enter, oh desirable one.
00:44:46Hello?
00:44:48I am here, in the bedroom.
00:44:52Oh, I do beg your pardon. I'll wait here.
00:44:58No, no, you must come in here. I am in bed.
00:45:04Oh, aren't you feeling well?
00:45:06No, no, I am just cold. I need to be warmed.
00:45:13Would you like me to get you a hot water bottle?
00:45:18No, do you not understand? I just want you.
00:45:23Oh!
00:45:26Well, if you don't mind me seeing you in bed.
00:45:34I say, it's rather dark in here. I...
00:45:44Oh!
00:45:51It's all right, Miss Corktip. You can come up now.
00:45:55Yeah, oh no, you won't need that. There's no more of them.
00:45:58It's those two chaps who were bothering you in the cafe, you know, earlier on the set.
00:46:03Luckily, I learned a bit of the old jiu-jitsu.
00:46:06Oh, I say, I do beg your pardon.
00:46:08You haven't got your top coat on.
00:46:10I'll just turn my back.
00:46:23Great Jacob.ろ
00:46:28and I can't believe you on Dameron. Yep.
00:46:34I have
00:46:35a pet! Oh!
00:46:38Wow,
00:46:40wow, that's so good! So just
00:46:42No!
00:47:05Jezebel!
00:47:06I'll never trust another woman as long as I live.
00:47:11Disgusting!
00:47:12If you did that in England, you'd get fined five pounds.
00:47:17Where are we, Sergeant? Do you know?
00:47:19Yes, it's the Oasis Alnuki.
00:47:21It's the only waterhole within 200 miles.
00:47:24You have done well.
00:47:26You will be rewarded.
00:47:29I want no other reward
00:47:30than to be favored with the loving attentions of my Lord.
00:47:35It shall be done.
00:47:37Wait in my tent.
00:47:41I hope you had a pleasant journey, gentlemen.
00:47:45No, we have been treated outrageously,
00:47:47and I demand to see the British Consul.
00:47:50What's the matter? Did I say something funny?
00:47:53I don't know, but keep going. He might rupture something.
00:47:55Quiet, you miserable camel droppings!
00:47:57I beg your pardon!
00:47:59You can't talk to a British subject like that!
00:48:01Hey, take it easy, Bo. Take it easy!
00:48:02No, I won't!
00:48:03I will not be humiliated in this manner!
00:48:05If you're going to kill us, why don't you shoot us now and get it over with?
00:48:08That is an excellent idea.
00:48:11You and your big mouth.
00:48:12But first, I require some information.
00:48:15Of course! Anything you want to know, just fire away.
00:48:18How many accursed legionnaires are there at the outpost in Fortes was on Neff?
00:48:22Let me see. How many legionnaires at Fortes was on Neff?
00:48:26Ah...
00:48:26You're not going to tell him, are you?
00:48:27Well, that's a perfectly harmless question.
00:48:29Well, of course it isn't. He obviously wants to find out so that he can attack it.
00:48:33Oh, come off it, Bo. Not him. Not this kindly old gentleman.
00:48:36It is true! The infidels will all perish when the second crescent of the moon enters the third phase of
00:48:44Orion.
00:48:44When is that?
00:48:46Tuesday.
00:48:47First, the accursed legionnaires at Fortes was on Neff.
00:48:50And then the infidels at City Malibus.
00:48:52It has been ordained by the prophet Mustafa Aliq.
00:48:57Mustafa Aliq!
00:48:58Mustafa Aliq!
00:49:04Now, you will tell me, how many men?
00:49:07You know, for the moment it seems to have slipped my mind.
00:49:09If I could just pop back to the barracks for a moment and have a word with our commandant.
00:49:13Don't trifle with me, accursed one!
00:49:15Perhaps a little torture will help you to remember.
00:49:20You have until nightfall to come to your senses.
00:49:24If not, they will come off.
00:49:28One by one.
00:49:32One by one.
00:49:33I suppose he means our ears.
00:49:36That's my boy.
00:49:38Always thinking of the higher things.
00:49:40Look, Chiefy.
00:49:41If you could just have a word and talk this over sensibly with this, uh, Mustafa Aliq.
00:49:46Mustafa Aliq!
00:49:49I don't know.
00:49:50Must be number one on the hit parade.
00:49:51Your side open!
00:49:54How are you, Mustafa?
00:50:09The mother of Paul Aliq.
00:50:42Let's go!
00:51:11Now you.
00:51:32Someone is coming.
00:51:55Come on, let's get out of here.
00:51:57If we could only get to those horses, Sergeant.
00:52:11How are you?
00:52:13I lost a cufflink.
00:52:14It must be around here someplace.
00:52:16I'm sure I could find it if I look.
00:52:18Stop!
00:52:18I think they've spotted us.
00:52:20You must be kidding.
00:52:22Kill them!
00:52:23Wait!
00:52:26Mustafalik!
00:52:28Mustafalik!
00:52:30Run for it!
00:52:34After them!
00:52:35Quick!
00:52:36In there!
00:52:54Now, you've got to hand it to these ARAPs.
00:52:56They've got the craziest camping equipment.
00:53:00Allah is smiling down on me.
00:53:03I think we ought to leave.
00:53:05Why?
00:53:06Well, they're hardly any clothes on.
00:53:08That's a reason?
00:53:09Well, I'm going.
00:53:11I'd rather die out there than in here with this lot.
00:53:13What are you, some kind of a nut?
00:53:16I have to remember the family name.
00:53:18Where's Sir?
00:53:19Thank you, Simpson.
00:53:23They're just waiting out there.
00:53:24Let me see.
00:53:26Why don't they come in and get us?
00:53:29Wait a minute!
00:53:31This is the harem tent.
00:53:33By their laws, no man may enter here.
00:53:35Only the eunuchs.
00:53:36What are they?
00:53:38You'll never know how close you came to finding out.
00:53:41Sergeant, you mean that all these ladies are the Sheik's wives?
00:53:44Yes.
00:53:45What's so terrible about that?
00:53:46I think, all those mothers-in-law.
00:53:48But surely the Sheik himself is allowed to come in.
00:53:50No!
00:53:51Then what's the good in having them all?
00:53:53I mean, it's like playing cricket with no bales.
00:53:56There's nothing to knock off.
00:53:57You don't understand.
00:53:58Whenever he feels like a game, he's sensible one.
00:54:01He don't travel.
00:54:02He just plays on his own ground.
00:54:04You mean that all the while we're in here, then, we're safe?
00:54:08That's right.
00:54:09I'm afraid we're stuck in here.
00:54:10What a pity.
00:54:12Well, and now, girls, how about some of that Turkish delight?
00:54:15Now, don't frighten them like that, Sergeant.
00:54:18I do apologize for the intrusion, ladies, but I can assure you that we will do you no harm.
00:54:23Here, stop making promises I can't keep.
00:54:26What's all that noise?
00:54:28I'm trying to sleep.
00:54:31I was having such a love dream.
00:54:34Fabulous men, all traveling alone.
00:54:38Jane.
00:54:39Is that you, Abdul?
00:54:40No, it's me, Bo.
00:54:42Bo to you, too.
00:54:44Jane, what's the matter with you?
00:54:45No, it's me, Bo West.
00:54:48That Bo?
00:54:49Oh, fancy thing you hear.
00:54:52Oh, kiss me, Bo.
00:54:55Jane, please.
00:54:56You men in there, hearken to me.
00:54:59Quiet.
00:54:59Let's hearken.
00:55:00Come out of there, and I give you my word, I will spare your lives.
00:55:05If not, eventually, you will all die horribly.
00:55:14It's Abdul.
00:55:15He's a frightful dear.
00:55:16He wants me to be his number 13.
00:55:18Number 13?
00:55:19Wife, you know.
00:55:20We might as well surrender.
00:55:21Certainly not.
00:55:22I'm not leaving Jane here to become part of a baker's dozen.
00:55:25Well, that's better than being dead, hasn't it?
00:55:27Besides, 13 ain't too bad.
00:55:29She'll have 12 days off.
00:55:31No.
00:55:32Now, we've got to get help.
00:55:33One of you will have to get away.
00:55:35Not me, sir.
00:55:35My place is by your side.
00:55:37Thank you, Simpson.
00:55:38It's up to you, then, Sergeant.
00:55:39Oh, thanks a lot.
00:55:40What do I do?
00:55:41Well, I've been thinking.
00:55:42We'll go out, and you creep under the flap, and make a run for it.
00:55:44Yeah.
00:55:45Well, how do I do that?
00:55:46Well, grab a horse and stampede the rest.
00:55:48Sire!
00:55:49I salute you for.
00:55:53All this grass.
00:55:54No time left to graze.
00:55:56Come out of that tent!
00:55:57It's all right.
00:55:58We're coming out.
00:56:03Bye-bye, Bill.
00:56:08See you then.
00:56:11There are only two.
00:56:12Where is the other?
00:56:14Infernal.
00:56:15Look offending.
00:56:18Stop!
00:56:22Let him go.
00:56:25It worked.
00:56:26Knocker, old boy.
00:56:27I think you've pulled it off.
00:56:29You'll be a real hero now.
00:56:30That's it.
00:56:31Real.
00:56:31Hold there.
00:56:32Hold.
00:56:33Goodbye, knocker.
00:56:34You've done it.
00:56:34The right books about you.
00:56:36Knocker.
00:56:36Knocker of the foreign legion.
00:56:38That's what they'll call you.
00:56:39Nah.
00:56:39I like that sound.
00:56:40Knocker of the foreign legion.
00:56:42Jolly good.
00:56:44Aha!
00:56:45Aha!
00:56:48Aha!
00:57:04So let me understand quite clearly what you have told us, madame.
00:57:09You say that four nights ago, Sergeant Knocker was in your cafe with his other two legionnaires.
00:57:16Correct?
00:57:16That is right.
00:57:17Then he go off with this woman, cork tip.
00:57:21Yes.
00:57:21Yes.
00:57:22And you further say that he is still with this woman.
00:57:26Correct?
00:57:26Of course.
00:57:27Where else the dirty pig?
00:57:30So all the time he was supposedly out on patrol alone, he was in reality staying with you.
00:57:37Correct?
00:57:38That is right.
00:57:39I tell you, for years he has been with me.
00:57:41And then this woman come along and...
00:57:43Madame, perhaps you would like to use this.
00:57:45No, thanks.
00:57:46I went before I came.
00:57:47Yes.
00:57:48Very well.
00:57:48Thank you for coming forward with this information.
00:57:51You may go now.
00:57:51Okay.
00:57:52Hmm.
00:57:53I like you.
00:57:54Why don't you come and see Zig Zig sometime, eh?
00:57:56I think I've got all I want from you, madame.
00:57:59You think so?
00:58:00Well, perhaps there are a couple of points I'd like to go over with you later.
00:58:04Good.
00:58:05Soon, eh?
00:58:08Interesting, Lepice.
00:58:10Very interesting.
00:58:11What is her name?
00:58:12Mon commandant, her name is Zig Zig.
00:58:14Zig Zig.
00:58:16Oh, it's a strange name.
00:58:17It is an old Arabic word for serving woman, meaning she who handed it out on a platter.
00:58:23Yes, and all the time she's been handing it out on the platter to Sergeant Knocker.
00:58:27Oh, my God, what fools he has been making of us.
00:58:30I know.
00:58:31All these stories about Lone Patrol and killing hundreds of riffs.
00:58:35And all the time he and she were.
00:58:37Yes, and I've been giving him medals for it.
00:58:41Open up.
00:58:42It's me, Sergeant Knocker.
00:58:44Open up.
00:58:51Come on up.
00:58:52Come on up.
00:58:53Come on up.
00:58:53Sergeant Knocker's back.
00:58:54Quick, he's in peace.
00:59:01Sergeant Knocker reporting back from patrol, sir.
00:59:03And what, I wonder, have you got to report this time, Sergeant?
00:59:07Bad news, sir.
00:59:08Force Watson F.
00:59:09It's going to be attacked.
00:59:10And how, may I ask, did you acquire that information?
00:59:13Yes, sir.
00:59:14Legionnaires Wes Simpson and me were taken prisoners by them.
00:59:17After a stiff fight, of course.
00:59:18Of course.
00:59:19Yes.
00:59:20We were taken to the Oasis El Nuki, but I managed, by sheer audacity, to escape and come back
00:59:26to warn you, sir, four days on foot across the burning hot sands.
00:59:30Enough.
00:59:30This is unbelievable.
00:59:32Yes.
00:59:33It was quite a feat, sir.
00:59:35Well, don't just stand there.
00:59:36You heard the Commandant.
00:59:37Go get the trade.
00:59:38Get the medals.
00:59:39Nein, nein, nein.
00:59:40One medal will be enough, sir.
00:59:42You will have no more medals from me, Schweinhund.
00:59:46Schweinhund?
00:59:47You have made a fool of me for the last time.
00:59:50Killing fifty-three tribesmen single-handed, eh?
00:59:53Risk to be a company of Legionnaires from certain dare-say.
00:59:56Lies, lies, lies.
00:59:58Sir, what are you doing?
00:59:59I got those medals for bravery.
01:00:01No, not for bravery, but for jiggery-pookery.
01:00:04Take him away.
01:00:06What happened?
01:00:08What did I say?
01:00:10Here, Commodore.
01:00:13About Sergeant Locker, sir.
01:00:14He's been there for three days now.
01:00:16He has decided to tell the truth?
01:00:18I'm afraid not, sir.
01:00:18He still keeps insisting on some ridiculous story about Weston Simpson and an Englishwoman being held prisoner.
01:00:26You did not tell me this before.
01:00:27An Englishwoman, you say?
01:00:29Not...
01:00:30Not Lady Jane?
01:00:31I believe that was her name, sir.
01:00:33Carvitaille Le Peace.
01:00:34Turn out the entire company.
01:00:35Oui, oui, mon commandant.
01:00:37Full packs, arms and ammunition.
01:00:39Oui, oui.
01:00:39And release Sergeant Knocker.
01:00:41Oui, oui.
01:00:41We'll stop wee-weeing and get on with it.
01:00:46Legion, left, head!
01:00:51Legion, forward!
01:01:10On!
01:01:12On!
01:01:12Faster!
01:01:13Faster!
01:01:15Faster!
01:01:18You're stopping on your features, fam!
01:01:21On!
01:01:22On!
01:01:23On!
01:01:33Look!
01:01:34The Oasis!
01:01:35On!
01:01:36On!
01:01:37On!
01:01:37On!
01:01:39On!
01:01:40On!
01:01:41On!
01:01:43What happened?
01:01:44Where's everyone gone?
01:01:45Where is she?
01:01:45Where's Lady Jane?
01:01:46Where is she?
01:01:47I warned you.
01:01:47If you have brought us out here in a wild goose's chit, sir, I give you my word, they were
01:01:52here.
01:01:52Armandone.
01:01:53What?
01:01:53Look.
01:01:55Vultures.
01:01:56Vultures, you don't think?
01:01:57Oh, I don't like this.
01:01:59Looks like they got a bone to pick with someone.
01:02:01Nein, nein, not mein Liebchen-Jain.
01:02:11Walt!
01:02:12Look, sir.
01:02:14Go, sir.
01:02:23It's all right, sir.
01:02:24He's alive, he's still breathing.
01:02:25I don't care about them.
01:02:26Where is mein Liebchen?
01:02:28Oh, alas, poor Jane.
01:02:30I knew her well.
01:02:31Oh, come on, sir.
01:02:32That's a skull of a man.
01:02:33How can you tell?
01:02:34By the jawbone.
01:02:35A woman gets more worn down.
01:02:36You know, for the constant yattity-yattity-yattity-yattity.
01:02:38Then where is she?
01:02:39What's happened to her?
01:02:40Mother.
01:02:40Mother?
01:02:41Mother?
01:02:42It's me, Bo.
01:02:43Knock her.
01:02:44Poor devil.
01:02:44He's half out of his mind.
01:02:45Been under this blazing sun for a week.
01:02:47Yes, but I think he's trying to tell us something.
01:02:49Yes, West.
01:02:50What is it?
01:02:52Turn me over.
01:02:54I want to do my back.
01:02:56Ah, she must be being murdered, and all you can think of is getting an even tan.
01:03:00Oh, don't pay any attention to him, sir.
01:03:02He's delirious as half out of his mind.
01:03:04Oh, away is she.
01:03:05Where is Lady Jane?
01:03:06Jane took her, took her with them to raid Fort Swazor-Nurve.
01:03:12Ah, then we are not yet too late.
01:03:14Look after him, sergeant.
01:03:15Okay, sir.
01:03:15All right, now take it easy, boy.
01:03:16You're going to be all right.
01:03:17We leave at once for Fort Swazor-Nurve.
01:03:19Fall in.
01:03:20Oh, come on, Doc.
01:03:21It is many miles away.
01:03:22There is no water left.
01:03:23Fooey.
01:03:24We can fill our water bottles at the oasis.
01:03:26Come on, jump to it.
01:03:45Now you see why I let the sergeant go.
01:03:49He will lead them straight into my trap.
01:03:53Do we attack them now, Effendi?
01:03:55No, no.
01:03:56We wait two or three days.
01:04:00Without water, they will be weaker then.
01:04:17I did not say halt.
01:04:18March, you swine, march.
01:04:23Sir, the men have been marching for two days without a war.
01:04:26They must have a break, sir.
01:04:28Wait a minute, one hour.
01:04:29That's all.
01:04:30Thank you, sir.
01:04:31You're all hot.
01:04:34All right.
01:04:35Good news, you monkeys.
01:04:36Fall out for one hour.
01:04:38Voila.
01:04:39One hour.
01:04:39Good news, sir.
01:04:40Good news, sir.
01:04:41Good news, sir.
01:04:42Good news, sir.
01:04:43Sir, I'm rather worried about morale.
01:04:46If we don't get water soon, you'll have trouble from the men.
01:04:50You are the adjutant, Capitain Lepis.
01:04:52It is your job to keep their minds occupied so they forget about their thirst.
01:04:57As a matter of fact, I did have rather a good idea.
01:05:00Then act on it, Lepis.
01:05:02Act on it.
01:05:03I'd love to.
01:05:05God in him, man.
01:05:07Doomkopf.
01:05:15They have stopped, Effendi.
01:05:17But what is it they are doing?
01:05:20Commodore Berger, we're all ready for you and you'll be amazed.
01:05:24Good.
01:05:25Strange.
01:05:26I think the time has come to attack.
01:05:29Tell my warriors to make ready.
01:05:32Fun, ain't it, sir?
01:05:35Lovely wearer, huh?
01:05:37Yes, it's very difficult.
01:05:39They are also very good, I think.
01:05:43Yes, this one too.
01:05:44But I think this one.
01:05:47This one is the best.
01:05:49First prize, Klotzki.
01:05:51What mind's better than ease?
01:05:53Oh, you think so, huh?
01:05:54Yeah.
01:06:00Good.
01:06:02Stop it, stop it.
01:06:03It's only a game.
01:06:05Nothing like this.
01:06:06Oh, oh.
01:06:06Come on, you two.
01:06:08I hear you.
01:06:08Come on.
01:06:10No, you're dead.
01:06:12Let's get on it.
01:06:17Our men are ready to attack, Effendi.
01:06:19Why?
01:06:20I think the job is being done for us.
01:06:24We do not need to attack these fools.
01:06:27Pass the word.
01:06:28We march on force once or not.
01:06:31Immediately.
01:06:35The Prophet has truly said the behavior of the white infidels is like blood coming from a stone.
01:06:43Bleeding mystery.
01:06:51You peefer.
01:06:52Oh, you peefer.
01:06:57Sorry, sorry.
01:06:58All right.
01:06:59Take it easy.
01:07:00Just relax.
01:07:01All right.
01:07:01Okay.
01:07:03All right.
01:07:04All right.
01:07:05All right.
01:07:05All right.
01:07:12that's it sir how many casualties sergeant 16 sir 16 it's disgraceful absolutely disgusting
01:07:20oh come on sir they're a good bunch of boys just letting off a bit of steam but 16 casualties
01:07:26you'll be peace with your bright ideas well you don't have to blame me oh really can be a rotten
01:07:32burger sergeant sir sort out all the men fit enough to march on force wasn't nerf sir all that way
01:07:39without water we must go on not only to save lady jane but to relieve the garrison but uh what
01:07:45about
01:07:45the captain sir you won't be taking le peace i'm asking a serious question sir what about the
01:07:50captain you're fool i mean le peace will not be coming with us i am sending him back to city
01:07:55bell
01:07:56abbey's with the wounded he will fetch reinforcements lebees yes i wish to see the map
01:08:04here is our objective fortress was on nerf and here is our present position
01:08:10leap come forward leap right leap right leap right leap right
01:08:20fashion
01:08:22at all
01:08:26thank you
01:08:28i will
01:08:37Oh, my God.
01:08:48Simpson, look. A well, a well!
01:08:51Oh, aah!
01:08:52Hooray! Oh! Hooray! There's a-
01:08:56Hey, hey, relax. Take your knees.
01:08:58What, he had nothing with this! Shut up! There's nothing there.
01:09:02But there was, Sergeant. It's a well.
01:09:05Mr. Bowswright, Sergeant, there was a well.
01:09:07Of course there was a well. And you're Jack and you're Jill.
01:09:11Where is it? Where did it go to?
01:09:13Look, kid, it was never there. It's a mirage.
01:09:16A mirage?
01:09:17I don't believe it. You don't believe it?
01:09:20Well, I'll prove it to you.
01:09:21Now, you see this coin?
01:09:22Coin, right?
01:09:23Coin.
01:09:24I will now throw it down the well. Here.
01:09:27See?
01:09:32Sergeant.
01:09:32You should have made a wish. I wish you'd shut up!
01:09:35Hey!
01:09:36Come on the well!
01:09:37Don't go to the well!
01:09:41I will!
01:09:42Let's go!
01:10:12Let's go!
01:10:18Look!
01:10:21Oh!
01:10:22Oh!
01:10:22Oh!
01:10:23Oh!
01:10:24Oh!
01:10:26Oh!
01:10:28Oh!
01:10:29Oh!
01:10:37Another mirage!
01:10:38It even had me fooled that time!
01:11:00Look at that!
01:11:02Restaurant, bar, dancing...
01:11:06Now that's what I call a mirage!
01:11:08It has been seen many times before!
01:11:10Come, we must go on!
01:11:16I told you it was a mistake building right out here!
01:11:19Nobody ever stops!
01:11:39I cannot stand it no more!
01:11:41I've had enough!
01:11:42I cannot stand it!
01:11:44I tell you, I can't stand it!
01:11:46What's the matter, Klotsky?
01:11:47I'm thirsty!
01:11:49I think you want some water!
01:11:51Well, don't look at me!
01:11:52What can I do about it?
01:11:53I cannot make water!
01:11:54We're done for!
01:11:56We'll never get out of your life!
01:11:58Look at the vultures!
01:11:59To hell with you!
01:12:01To hell with all of you!
01:12:02Go on!
01:12:03Do your work!
01:12:04Oh!
01:12:05Probably one did!
01:12:06Men!
01:12:07You must pull yourselves together!
01:12:10There's plenty of water at the fort!
01:12:12On!
01:12:13On!
01:12:13We must go on!
01:12:14Oh, sir, it does go on!
01:12:36See!
01:12:38See!
01:12:40See!
01:12:42See!
01:12:45See!
01:12:50See!
01:12:55Look!
01:12:57The fort!
01:13:10The fort!
01:13:12The fort!
01:13:13The fort!
01:13:14Get out!
01:13:14Get out!
01:13:14Get out!
01:13:17What are you doing?
01:13:19You know?
01:13:20Four!
01:13:21Three!
01:13:22One!
01:13:23One!
01:13:38I say, sir, are we too late?
01:13:49Well, I've heard this sort of music before.
01:13:51It's for a wedding celebration.
01:13:53No, is that all?
01:13:54Yeah, it's when the chief is taking another wife.
01:13:57Good luck to him.
01:13:59He's got 12 already, and another wife.
01:14:02Number 13.
01:14:03Lady Jane.
01:14:05Oh, no.
01:14:05Now, don't panic, sir.
01:14:07It may not be too late.
01:14:08Commandant, sir, is it a before or an after celebration?
01:14:11Before.
01:14:12It is to wish the chief an abundant harvest.
01:14:15It's called the Song of the Oats.
01:14:17Oh, no.
01:14:18Let's hurry before it's too late.
01:14:26There she is.
01:14:29There is still time.
01:14:30This music is to wish the chief great virility and endurance.
01:14:34The day of the morrow will march on suitable habish.
01:14:41But the night of tonight, to mark your gallant victory, I, your chief, will take another wife to bosom.
01:14:58Go to my tent.
01:15:00The hour of your fulfillment approaches.
01:15:05Oh, look here.
01:15:06Oh, look here.
01:15:06Do I have to be fulfilled?
01:15:07Take her!
01:15:08Oh!
01:15:09No!
01:15:10No!
01:15:10No!
01:15:13No!
01:15:14No!
01:15:15No!
01:15:15The time is nigh!
01:15:17I wish mine was.
01:15:19I could use a nigh old time right now.
01:15:22Come.
01:15:22We will try and work our way round and up under the back of her tent.
01:15:26But she isn't wearing one.
01:15:27And the times are all with us.
01:15:31But first, in accordance with the custom of our tribe, you will all give your gifts to the glory of
01:15:42Abdu.
01:15:54To the glory of Abdu.
01:15:57To the glory of Abdu.
01:16:01To the glory of Abdu.
01:16:03To the glory of Abdu.
01:16:15Oh, dear, dear Jane.
01:16:19Are we in time?
01:16:20For what?
01:16:21Well, you know, has he?
01:16:23Have you?
01:16:24Oh, no, he hasn't.
01:16:25But then neither have I.
01:16:26Mein Liebchen!
01:16:27Maximilian!
01:16:28Mein Liebchen!
01:16:29Do not worry.
01:16:30Next is here.
01:16:32I will take you to the fort.
01:16:34You will be safe there.
01:16:36Wouldn't like to bet on that.
01:16:37If you'll pardon me, sir, I think it's time I got Lady Jane out of here.
01:16:40He's right.
01:16:41Go ahead.
01:16:41I'll keep watch.
01:16:46Look out!
01:16:47Somebody's coming!
01:17:00To the glory of Abdu.
01:17:03Thank you very much, I'm sure.
01:17:06All right.
01:17:07What was that all about?
01:17:08They keep bringing money for him.
01:17:10For him?
01:17:10You mean he gets paid for it?
01:17:12Boy, I'm in the wrong racket.
01:17:14But this is not good.
01:17:15If they keep coming in and out, one of them will see Lady Jane is missing and raise the alarm.
01:17:19That's right.
01:17:19We need a good, clear ten minutes to get her safely back to the fort.
01:17:22Hey, maybe one of us could take her place.
01:17:25That's a good idea, Sergeant.
01:17:27Somebody's small.
01:17:29Exactly, Sergeant.
01:17:30Like you.
01:17:34Now, maybe it's not such a good idea after all.
01:17:36But it is, Simpson.
01:17:37It's an absolutely splendid one.
01:17:39Quickly, my Liebsh, you must go behind the screen and change the clothes.
01:17:42That shouldn't take long.
01:17:44Well, get a move on, Simpson.
01:17:45Take them off.
01:17:46Oh, very well, sir.
01:17:48Do you mind, sir?
01:17:57Well?
01:17:59Do I have to, sir?
01:18:00If you don't mind, Simpson.
01:18:02Very well, sir.
01:18:10Hurry it up, will you, you guys?
01:18:11We're ready.
01:18:14Keep it to do.
01:18:15Quickly, my Liebsh.
01:18:18Thanks, Simmy.
01:18:19Sir, what am I going to do, sir, when the chief comes?
01:18:22Well, that's a good question, Simpson, and I wish I knew a good answer.
01:18:27Thank you, sir.
01:18:28Oh, don't forget, we need a good clear ten minutes.
01:18:30Now, you mustn't let him find out till then.
01:18:31Sir.
01:18:32Sir, Mr. Bosa, he's bound to find out when my time is nigh.
01:18:35Sir, sir.
01:18:38But, Sergeant, you're not going to leave me alone with this man, are you?
01:18:41Oh, Simmy, relax.
01:18:43All brides are nervous on their wedding night.
01:18:44But I don't know what to do.
01:18:46Just keep calm and keep your fingers crossed, too.
01:18:50Well, remember, things go wrong, you can always escape through the trapdoor at the back.
01:18:54Well, have fun.
01:18:56But, Sergeant.
01:19:03My people, you have given enough.
01:19:07I can wait no longer.
01:19:13I'm really engaged to a very well-known butcher in Wolverhampton.
01:19:17Calm down, my...
01:19:18No, not this week.
01:19:19Please not deny the car.
01:19:21No, no.
01:19:22No, no.
01:19:23You see, I'm only here for two weeks.
01:19:28Aye, aye.
01:19:29Ah, come back away.
01:19:31What's he got over there?
01:19:34No, no.
01:19:35Come on.
01:19:35Have you come out?
01:19:36No, no.
01:19:37No, no.
01:19:43Open the gate, Klotsky.
01:19:45It's out.
01:19:45You come in.
01:19:47What about Simpson?
01:19:49Has the chief found out yet?
01:19:50I don't think so.
01:19:51Ah, help!
01:19:52Oh, he has now.
01:19:53Ah, hello.
01:19:54Oh, hello, boys.
01:19:55Stop him!
01:19:56Stop him!
01:19:58I can be freaked!
01:20:00Bring me this man!
01:20:01I will have his steak in his grill for breakfast.
01:20:04I swear it by the prophet, must have a lead!
01:20:07Must have a lead!
01:20:09Never mind all the crap.
01:20:10Drop you fools after him!
01:20:12After him!
01:20:13Hey, hey, comes!
01:20:24Give him covering fire!
01:20:34Accursed ones!
01:20:36Accursed ones!
01:20:36You will all die for this!
01:20:39I, Abdullah Bulba, swear it!
01:20:43You will all die at dawn!
01:20:47Well, that makes sense. That mob against the six of us.
01:20:50All is not lost yet, sergeant. They are still two hours before dawn.
01:20:54Come, let us see what's in the storeroom.
01:20:57Not much ammunition, sergeant.
01:20:59Ah, there's gunpowder.
01:21:01Ramaphome.
01:21:02Ramaphome, and that's just what we needed.
01:21:03I suppose we could give them the needle.
01:21:05What?
01:21:07Sergeant!
01:21:07I just thought I'd inject a little humor in a tense moment, sir.
01:21:10And over there, you see?
01:21:11What?
01:21:11Figs, dates, cinnopods, cascara.
01:21:14They couldn't have been regular troops, sir.
01:21:16They've got indigestion tablets, glucose tablets, salt tablets, the pill, and...
01:21:24The pill?
01:21:26What do you suppose they use that for?
01:21:27I can't conceive.
01:21:29And you see over here?
01:21:30Sir.
01:21:31Gum arabic.
01:21:32Gum arabic.
01:21:32We need gum arabic.
01:21:33Sure, we need it like we need a hole in the head.
01:21:35That's the luck we're running there.
01:21:36We can't find anything.
01:21:38Hole it?
01:21:39Gum arabic.
01:21:41Gum arabic.
01:21:43Sir, it might just work.
01:21:47Come.
01:21:47No.
01:21:48No.
01:21:50Come on.
01:21:51Come on.
01:21:51Come on.
01:21:51Push it.
01:21:52Push it.
01:21:52Push it.
01:21:54So you see, dearest Beau, you didn't trick Humphrey at all.
01:21:58He deliberately told a lie in order to dishonor you.
01:22:00And so you, dear, sweet, wonderful Jane, traveled all this way alone to tell me...
01:22:05Oh, it was nothing.
01:22:07Everybody was terribly kind.
01:22:09In fact, they couldn't do enough.
01:22:11Oh, how sweet.
01:22:12Do you realize what this means, Simpson?
01:22:13My name is clear.
01:22:14We can return to England.
01:22:16Yes, sir.
01:22:17If we ever get out of this lot.
01:22:19No, no, sir.
01:22:23We will move into position now.
01:22:25No, no, no.
01:22:28No, no, no.
01:23:08Stop fighting!
01:23:12Down the run!
01:23:37Stop fighting!
01:23:41Relief force!
01:23:46Oh, weidemööslein, was der Jäger macht,
01:23:52zerfacht die Rosen und gab sie dir.
01:23:58Oh, weidemööslein, der will dein Herz dafür.
01:24:13Durch die grüne Heide gibt ein Mädchen, jung und schön.
01:24:19Hey, Daniela, we gotta worry.
01:24:25Are you all right, sir?
01:24:26Yes, but keep a sharp lookout.
01:24:28They'll attack once they know what's happening.
01:24:31Und zieht den grünen Hund.
01:24:35Und er spricht das Mädchen an, die ein verliebt er tut.
01:24:41Oh, Heide, Spine.
01:24:48Uh-oh, that's torn it.
01:24:53Oh, Heide.
01:24:56Oh, that...
01:25:06Sorry, we got a few surprises left for them monkeys.
01:25:10Attack!
01:25:12Look out! Here they come!
01:25:28All right, look alive.
01:25:30In another 50 yards, they'll be in it.
01:25:34Kill them! Kill them!
01:25:44Go on! Go on, you folks! Attack them! Kill them!
01:25:48Kill them! Kill them!
01:25:53Bingo!
01:25:59Oh!
01:26:09I'm enjoying this, you know.
01:26:13But don't I just hold it, throw it!
01:26:15Oh!
01:26:24Just like old time, sir.
01:26:26Thank you, sir.
01:26:32Go on! Go on, you boys!
01:26:40Here! More ammunition, quick!
01:26:42There's no more ammunition left.
01:26:45Hey, cricket show! More bombs!
01:26:47Close the place, Sergeant. They're all finished.
01:26:51Oh, that's done it.
01:26:52The minute they get out of that goo, they're cooked.
01:27:02Oh, I do believe we come in the nick.
01:27:06Company! We're moving to action!
01:27:10Forward!
01:27:10Forward!
01:27:11Forward!
01:27:13Forward!
01:27:21This time you win, but I shall have my revenge!
01:27:26I swear I ain't the answer!
01:27:37Simmy, baby! I told you we...
01:27:39Hold it!
01:27:40What's happened to the clamor man?
01:27:45Have you been hit, sir?
01:27:46Yes, in many places. Have some water, sir. I'll make you feel better.
01:27:51Hmm...
01:27:52Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
01:27:57$ 5!
01:28:03Ooh! Ooh!
01:28:04Oh, my God!
01:28:05Come on!
01:28:06Hey-up!
01:28:09Oh, Sergeant Knocker!
01:28:11Yeah. Commandant, if you don't mind.
01:28:14Beau, how are you? Lady Jane.
01:28:17Oh, it's good to see you, Sergeant. Can you stay a while?
01:28:20Well, I just didn't come here for tea and crumpet, old boy.
01:28:23Wonderful. I'll get Simpson to collect your things.
01:28:25Hold it. Never mind that. I got my own Batman.
01:28:28You! Look alive!
01:28:32You're Batman?
01:28:33Well, you must admit it's a bit better than Robin.
01:28:37Oh, excuse me, sir. You're in.
01:28:40Oh, thank you very much indeed, Simpson.
01:28:42Well, I'll see you in just a few moments, Commandant.
01:28:44Have a talk with my wife.
01:28:46Give him a good go, Bo.
01:28:47Well, Lady Jane, I must say you're looking lovelier than ever.
01:28:51And I see you've been kept rather busy.
01:28:53Oh, yes. Look, isn't he adorable? The image of his father.
01:29:09How is that?
01:29:12Not out.
01:29:13Well, we're making an offer at you, Megan.
01:29:14That's it.
01:29:14Come on.
01:29:15You see?
01:29:16Come on.
01:29:20You're Youngblood.
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